Dr Soila Sindiyo

step parenting advice

Step Parenting Advice

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Karla Lee Author and Founder of Voice4kids
Karla Lee
Author and Founder of Voice4kids

When entering an already established family with children, remember the children may be very sensitive to their Mother or Father dating.

Children have gone through a very traumatic experience and the thought of someone coming into their home to replace the absent parent may take time for them to adjust to.

  • Having someone come in and take their parents attention can make children quite defensive at first.  Be patient.
  • It’s best not to try to hard to impress the children. Give them time to get to know you.
  • Don’t ever try to replace the parent who has left.  They only want you to be their friend.  This way you will find that your relationship with their child should move along a lot smoother, but you may still have to work at it.  Remember they are still children, but broken ones.
  • Try to be yourself at all times; they want to know you for who you are.
  • Don’t try to impress them by buying things for them, let them see the real you.
  • Don’t shut the child out because you want to get closer to their parent.  You knew before you entered the relationship that children were involved, so try to include them on some of your dates.  You may be surprised at how much fun you all have.
  • Step Parenting Advice
    Always remember, they are Children.

    Respect that the child may want personal space with their biological parent.  If you honour the child’s request to give them time with their Mother or Father, they may not be so jealous of you having time with their Mummy or Daddy.

  • Spend quality time alone with their children. Find out what sports they make like, or hobbies. Take time out to get to know them, and get into their world for a while.  If you reverse the situation for a minute you would want this for yourself wouldn’t you?
  • Respect your new partners ex-spouse. This is very important for the child.  Don’t ever talk bad of their Mother or Father who is not living with them.  Sometimes it’s best to put yourself in their parent’s shoes to see how you would like it if they were talking like this about you?  If the child wants to talk to you about their Mother or Father just listen, but never talk badly of them even if the child does.  The next day the child will love them again.  A Child’s love for their parent is unconditional.
  • Give the Children your full attention when they are talking to you. Eye to eye contact is very important.

Always remember to be patient with children you are getting to know. They are also trying to adjust to something they probably never thought they would have to go through.

Always remember, they are Children.

 

Karla’s journey started in 1998 and it is her life’s mission to reach families globally to tell them there is Hope after a Divorce and that these Children can go on to having a very fulfilled life and marriage. Karla is evidence of this.

Karla Lee has been married for 13yrs, and she has two little girls, Faith & Hope.

Karla’s Book “Please Don’t Go!” is her Life Story. It is raw and honest, and helps Parents see a Divorce totally from the Child’s Perspective with helpful tips. For teens & parents.

“Is It My Fault?” Karla Lee illustrated (4 short stories) to help younger children 3-12yrs understand what is happening in their home, whether a Parent is leaving or a potential Stepparent in entering their home.

For more information about Karla Lee or to purchase her books go to: www.karlalee.com

 

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helping children of divorce cope

Tips in Helping Children of Divorce Cope

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Karla Lee Author and Founder of Voice4kids
Karla Lee
Author and Founder of Voice4kids

Why is it important to keep the BOUNDARIES set and FAMILIAR routine?

The Children have been through enough.

They need the stability more than ever now. Stick to your normal routine and boundaries. Make sure you have a good network of Family & Friends around you as well.

Tips in Helping Children of Divorce Cope

  • Stick to your normal routine (It helps them).
  • Don’t change things out of guilt.
  • If they are changing homes, try to keep them in the same School so that something is familiar to them.
  • Rules are rules. If you had house rules before the Divorce don’t change them.
  • Make sure you have Family support around the Children and yourself.
  • If your Children are finding it hard to talk to you, they may have another close relative like and Aunt, Uncle or Grandparent they can share with.
  • If they normally go to their Grandparents every Wednesday night, continue that.
  • If Dad normally took him to Soccer, try to see if Dad can continue that.
  • Remember they feel your pain, as they are also hurting.
  • Don’t assume they are ok.
  • Ask them if they would like to talk (or just be ready when they want to talk) be an open door.
  • Don’t bad mouth your Ex – it will come back to bite you later.
  • Stick to your Boundaries. Don’t go soft in guilt of the Divorce.
  • Don’t brush things under the carpet and assume all is ok. Talk to them now.
  • Put them before any new partner, they need you more right now.
  • Let their classroom teacher know what is going on, so that if their behavior changes in class the teacher can talk to you and be more understanding.
  • But most of all, love them, love them, and love them unconditionally.

Karla’s journey started in 1998 and it is her life’s mission to reach families globally to tell them there is Hope after a Divorce and that these Children can go on to having a very fulfilled life and marriage. Karla is evidence of this. 

Karla Lee has been married for 13yrs, and she has two little girls, Faith & Hope. 

Karla’s Book “Please Don’t Go!” is her Life Story. It is raw and honest, and helps Parents see a Divorce totally from the Child’s Perspective with helpful tips. For teens & parents.

“Is It My Fault?” Karla Lee illustrated (4 short stories) to help younger children 3-12yrs understand what is happening in their home, whether a Parent is leaving or a potential Stepparent in entering their home.

For more information about Karla Lee or to purchase her books go to: www.karlalee.com

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life after divorce for men
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Life After Divorce for Men – Pierre’s Story

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Pierre, a talented pastry chef, lived outside of Paris and when he was thirty-five, he immigrated to America.

He opened a large bakery in San Francisco which was a tremendous success and he eventually hired a team of pastry chefs to do most of the hands on work. He developed recipes and was quite proud of his ten pastry cases.

He opened a large bakery in San Francisco which was a tremendous success.
He opened a large bakery in San Francisco which was a tremendous success.

After twelve years Pierre married a French Polynesian who was twenty-three years younger than him. He sold this successful bakery after several years of marriage, to try a new venture and he and his wife, Palila, moved to a small city in Colorado where Pierre opened a bakery/café.

Palila has a fiery temperament and Pierre is laid back. Palila is drama and Pierre is one who likes calmness. At first Pierre attributed their opposite ways of approaching life, to their age difference. They had a daughter and motherhood did not mellow Palila. Pierre could not deal with Palila’s intense energy and they clashed.

They had different views on how to run the restaurant and the tense atmosphere affected their business. Years down the road, there were less customers and the business was losing money. They closed it, got a divorce and Pierre retired.

Pierre was restless during retirement and longed to be in a commercial kitchen again. After several years of retirement, Pierre applied at a French café and was quickly hired as the pastry chef. Life was good again until Palila also started working at the same French café. Pierre thought they could work together since they were no longer married.

Drama followed Palila and she ordered the staff around as if she owned the place.  After six months, Palila was fired.

Pierre now shares his divorce wisdom with the young male staff:

  • Marry someone in your age group, not a person young enough to be your offspring. The vast age difference did not work in his circumstance.
  • Pick a partner that shares a similar temperament. Sometimes fire and water do not mix.
  • Just because you both share the same first language, that does not ensure a lasting union.
  • Choose someone that you really enjoy being with and have some common interests.
  • Pierre adds that working with an ex-spouse may not be the best idea.

Pierre is well liked at the café and has a following of devoted customers.

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Common Divorce Questions by Children of Divorce

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Karla Lee Author and Founder of Voice4kids
Karla Lee
Author and Founder of Voice4kids

Author Karla Lee (Voice 4Kids) knows all to well what it feels like to go through a Divorce.

She was only 9yrs old at the time when her parents separated, and within a moment she felt her world fell apart.  For the next 17yrs Karla struggled with different emotions, like anger, bitterness, resentment and the question of “Why Me?”

As an adult, Karla has come to realise that Parents want to talk to their Children but they just didn’t know how so here’s some helpful advice from Karla on how to handle the questions that come your way.

 

These are common divorce questions by children of divorce and how you can answer them.

 

Why are you getting a divorce?

Mummy and Daddy have tried to work through things together but it hasn’t worked. This was the last thing we wanted to happen. You must know right now that this isn’t your fault.

This is Mummy and Daddy’s problem to work through, but we are here if you want to ask us anything. We understand that this is also a very sad time for you, and understand that you are also hurting. Would you like to talk to me, or ask me anything now?

(This may open the door straight away for questions your children may need answered).

Know we are here if you ever want to talk or share your feeling with us.

 

Aren’t you happy being together anymore?

We are finding it difficult to be together at the moment, so we are trying to work through things. We want you to know that we are still very happy and proud of you.

We will work through this as Adults, so please don’t think that it has anything to do with you. You make us both very happy, more than you could ever know.

(Try to reassure your child that this separation divorce isn’t their fault. You may have to ask them if they understand?)

 

Divorce Questions by children of divorce
Common divorce questions by children of divorce

Do you still love me? (Reassurance question)

More than anything in the whole wide world. We will always love you. (Showing affection at this time would help. Say a cuddle.

 

Will we still be a family?

We will still be a family, but there will be a few changes.  We may be doing different things at different times with you, but we are still your parents and we love you very much.

(Sometimes children fear that the parent at home may also abandon them. Reassure them again that this is not the case.

 

Who am I going to live with?

We will work that out, you don’t have to concern yourself with it.  We will make sure that you are happy with the arrangements and that you see us both as much as possible.

(Sometimes Kids feel like they have to work it all out themselves and take care of the new living arrangements. Let them know that as parents you are still in charge and will take of these matters. If your child is older I suggest sitting them down to include them in the discussion. You might find they feel respected and not pushed aside. It is here that you may hear how they truly feel about it all.

(There needs to be stability and security of who is still in charge).

 

Will you call me every day when you move away?

Yes. Lets make at time for us to chat each day right now. What time do you think? After school?

(Include them in this process.  Set a time with them there and then so that your child feels like you are making this phone calling to them a priority in your day -to -day business.)

Important Note: Don’t forget to call them; otherwise you will let them down. Children don’t forget.

 

Will you ever get back together?

At the moment we need to have this time apart, and we can’t promise you anything. We just want you to know we are here for you no matter what happens.

(Never make promises you can’t keep. Children have long memories).

 

If I stopped being naughty and fighting with my brother/sister would you have stayed together?

We did not separate because of you or your brother/sister, and it’s not because sometimes we may be upset with you. This is something between Mummy and Daddy. An adult issue.

 

Karla Lee

Follow Karla Lee on Twitter

 

Karla’s journey started in 1998 and it is her life’s mission to reach families globally to tell them there is Hope after a Divorce and that these Children can go on to having a very fulfilled life and marriage. Karla is evidence of this.

Karla Lee has been married for 13yrs, and she has two little girls, Faith & Hope.

Karla’s Book “Please Don’t Go!” is her Life Story. It is raw and honest, and helps Parents see a Divorce totally from the Child’s Perspective with helpful tips. For teens & parents.

“Is It My Fault?” Karla Lee illustrated (4 short stories) to help younger children 3-12yrs understand what is happening in their home, whether a Parent is leaving or a potential Stepparent in entering their home.

Karla Lee Books & Dolls Promo Pic

 

 

For more information about Karla Lee or to purchase her books go to: www.karlalee.com

 

 

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Funny Dating Quotes

Funny Dating Quotes

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dating quotesdating quotesI'm probably single because I never

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Divorce is not a License to Destroy

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Amicable divorces are not the norm but this doesn’t mean that life after divorce need be one that’s burdened with the same emotions that you carried through the process.

Moving on from a breakup or moving on from divorce doesn’t mean you have to destroy to feel whole again.

Judging by the emails we receive from time to time, long running anger and resentment is pretty common even after several years of living and being apart.

Couples long divorced who won’t attend their grandchildren’s christening if the ex is going to be present.

And the ones who refuse to be part of their children’s wedding if their ex spouse is coming with his/her new partner.

There are a whole lot of powerfully negative emotions associated with divorce.  There’s anger, there’s hate, and all the ones associated with grief and loss.

But anger seems to be the most prevalent especially during the divorce process.  And, as it’s well known, the source of anger is usually hurt.  Someone gets hurt and wants to hurt back.

But despite all this, divorce is not a license to destroy.

Here’s why:

  • Because, if anything, you both played a role in the final breakdown of your marriage.  If you don’t agree, ask yourself these questions.  Did you say yes to marrying him/her?  Did you ignore signs, hints and/or red flags around you at the time of dating?  Do you believe that you are absolutely not responsible in any, any way for the end of your marriage?  What could you have done different?
  • Because, where children are concerned, it stops being about you and your anger.  Of course you can express it as you please because it’s vital for the healing process that you do so, but don’t involve the children, don’t use them as messengers, advocates or spies and don’t involve them in adult issues.  What they really need right now is the adult in the room to provide them with security and affection so that their already shattered world is not destroyed beyond repair.   And that adult is you.
  • Because, unless there’s cause for concern, the relationship that the children have with the other parent is their relationship alone.   Divorce is not a license to destroy a relationship between the children and the other parent by holding them hostage because you’re not happy or due to lack of child support payments and increasing any negative effects of divorce on children.  Don’t be the one whom the children grow up to resent and begrudge because you arrested and broke a relationship that was so dear and critical to them.
  • Because anger is toxic.  Anger eats you up, not the person that it’s directed towards and holding on to it will not help you along your journey of living with or coping with divorce.  You operate with high levels of adrenaline and cortisol which affect your immune and cardiovascular systems.  Release the anger and you free yourself.  Yes, easier said than done but it’s definitely not impossible.  As Benjamin Franklin said, “Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame.”
  • Because the emotions of divorce cause you to hold yourself hostage to a past and a person you wish to rid yourself off.  Those emotions become you, you carry them and identify with them.  Then here on, those whom you meet along your way only get to know the person whose mind and soul carry anger and resentment.
  • Because no one can make you do anything you don’t want to.  This means that we are totally responsible for our actions, unless of course there’s a gun or some sort of threat involved.  But when we make decisions to behave a certain way, or do something destructive then that simply falls on our shoulders.  It’s all about taking responsibility.

Divorce is tough and can be ugly.  Destructive emotions run high, very high sometimes.

But it’s very possible to contain those feelings and stopping yourself from becoming either verbally or physically destructive.

There are so many ways.  It’s just a matter of finding what works for you and making your life after divorce as happy as you can get it to be.

 

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

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The Power of Forgiveness – Deepak Chopra

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Forgiveness does indeed heal you from the inside out.

It sounds simple and straightforward but watching and listening to this video by Deepak Chopra on the healing power of forgiveness, you will get a deeper understanding on why forgiveness is so vital for our wellbeing.

Resentment, anger and hostility towards your ex spouse not only captures your mind and heart but it also releases other emotions with it that can have far reaching effects on our physical being, on our bodies.

With such negative emotions running through our system, Deepak Chopra explains how hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol are continuously released into our systems and how they then affect our cardiovascular and immune systems resulting in physical pain, hurt and disease.

To forgive someone or to forgive yourself goes a long way.  How to forgive your ex partner is the question as is how to forgive and forget.

What is the power of forgiveness and How does forgiveness heal is the question being answered here:

Deepak Chopra says:

“When you have a resentment of grievance or are feeling hostility towards anyone or any of the other toxic emotions guilt, shame, depression or fear, these create the release of hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol which have effects both on the cardio-vascular system and also on the immune system.  You become immunocompromised and even your platelettes get jittery with high levels of adrenaline and they start the clotting cascade which can lead to cardiovascular illness, heart attacks and strokes.

On the other hand when you forgive, which is letting go off the burden of judgement then everything settles down; the hormones that are associated with those stressful responses and now there’s evidence that you release other kinds of neurotransmitters which are immunomodulators and your body starts to return to homeostasis: self-regulation and self-healing…”

 

 

The power of forgiveness

 

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forgive and forget

Can you Forgive and Forget?

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Soila Sindiyo Child Trauma Therapist and Founder of The Divorce Magazine
Soila Sindiyo
Child Trauma Therapist and Founder of The Divorce Magazine

So here’s the story…

My really good friend, Samantha (definitely not her real name) has been divorced for almost 7 years now but if you met her today, you would think it all happened 15 days ago. 

She goes on and on about her useless, lying, cheating ex-husband!

I don’t think Sam has one friend who has  not tried to encourage her to move on.  

“I have moved on!  Of course I’ve moved on!  Otherwise I wouldn’t be dating would I?”  She sings, “I have forgiven him but I will never, ever forget!”  That statement right there has become her line of defence, the  soundtrack to her life. 

In your own situation, have you been able to forgive and forget?

“I will forgive but I never forget” is one of those phrases that we use all the time.

Thing is such a phrase doesn’t actually mean anything.  So you can say what you like but the big question is this: At the end of the day do you have emotional closure?” Answer is no.  You see if you never forget it means that you keep remembering and when the memory hits you, your emotions are affected, especially when you are determined never to forget.

By not forgiving –

  • You have chosen to hold yourself hostage to your own past.  You have given up the power to not only create a new happy future but also surrendered the ability to enjoy the here and now.  No one else is doing this to you but you.  Like some once said, “Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.”  Try it and see.
  • forgive and forget
    “Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.”

    While you continue on your unforgiving route, you carry other emotions that can be so pervasive that they consume you and affect the way you are with others including friends, partners and your children.   To be unforgiving brings in anger and resentment, emotions that affect your heart and your mind.  Thing is, if you really want to “teach” your ex a lesson then forgive him/her.  Like Oscar Wilde said  “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”

  • Did you know that there are physiological benefits to forgiveness? Very briefly, here’s how:  when you carry a negative laden emotion such as being in the state of unforgiving (which carries other emotions such as anger and hurt), your body will continue to release such hormones as adrenaline and cortisol.  These will then affect both your immune and cardiovascular systems which can then make you vulnerable to illness and diseases. But when let go off those emotions then your body settles down and starts to return to self-regulation or self-healing.  What does forgiveness really mean?  Why is it so important to our wellbeing?  If you would like to know more watch Deepak Chopra’s video here on “How Does Forgiveness Heal” and read more here.

In the meantime, Sam’s ex has remarried, has a new family and has moved to a new city.  As for my dear friend any man who comes her way – “Not interested.  They are all the same” she sings.

Forgiving is not easy and maybe you need to learn how to forgive yourself first before you begin with anyone else.  Learn to forgive?  That’s freedom!  That’s a gift you give to yourself.

 

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

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Conflict and Children of Divorce

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Soila Sindiyo
Soila Sindiyo
Child Development Psychologist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine

Where there’s divorce there’s usually conflict, almost always, the only thing that will differ is the intensity and duration of the conflict.

Helping children cope with divorce from the get go is vital if you’re to avoid as many negative effects of divorce on children as possible.

We all agree that conflict is a normal part of family life. What matters is how parents deal with it, how they resolve it and how they practice helping children cope with the situation.

There are many children of divorce who have had to endure, continuous conflict over several years while their parents learn how to cope with divorce and continue in their life post-divorce.

Living in a world where they are continuously faced with the uncertainty and fear of when the next fight or argument will come means they are living in a state of perpetual anxiety.  They may have done so over several years at which point this state of existence seems like the only thing they know.

Over time though, you may notice changes in your little one in which case you may need to seek help in order to restore their world into a less dangerous conflictual place and reduce the anxiety that maybe affecting them physically, emotionally and behaviourally.

Children of divorce have a way of learning how to cope with difficulties and this may in turn translate into them seemingly able to cope, but in reality, this coping mechanism maybe but a defence mechanism initiated by them to protect themselves from the insecure environment in which they exist.

You are your child’s best expert so you’ll know best if he/she is experiencing any of the following and how serious the situation maybe.

  • Behavioural problems. This is perhaps the most common and/or the most noticeable change. Children will often express stress, the lack of adequate support and anxieties through behaviour as opposed to words.  Depending on their age or maturity level, your child may not have the necessary vocabulary needed to express how they feel and even they may not understand why they feel or behave as they do.
  • Sleep disturbances. Your child is finding it difficult to fall sleep or remain asleep through the night or you may find that your child is sleeping more than usual (which maybe very normal in adolescence).  Either way, their usual sleep pattern is disturbed and erratic.
  • Children of divorce www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
    Conflict and Children of Divorce

    Psychosomatic symptoms. Your child maybe suffering from physical pain, which is very real to him/her but the doctors cannot find anything wrong with him/her. This could be caused by the stressful situation in which they live.  Think of yourself when you are stressed – do you suffer from throbbing headaches, upset stomach or lower back pain.  Where in your body do you feel the discomfort of your environment?  Same thing applies to your child.

  • Underachievement at school mainly due to lack of concentration.  Continuous conflict has a way of making it’s way into our system.  Depending on the severity of the conflict at home, your child maybe suffering from lack of sleep coupled with stomach upset resulting in reduced concentration in the classroom.
  • Regression. Where you child is now showing behaviour more consistent with his/her younger self; behaviours that they had outgrown but have now reverted back to, may include bed wetting, language (using baby talk for certain words) and a relapse in milestones once achieved now “forgotten”.
  • Where your child is no longer interested in things that she/he used to enjoy doing or taking part in.  Withdrawal from activities that he/she once enjoyed either at school or at home and preferring to alone time in a melancholic sort of way as opposed in replacing those past activities with new ones.

We, as adults and as parents, can and do underestimate children’s ability to understand and deal with feelings and relationships.

Like any other child in distress, children of divorce will appreciate you speaking with them and answering their questions as much as and as best as possible as you can.  This can go a long way in helping them deal with the situations.

It only takes a couple of minutes to stop, look and listen to our children.  Those couple of minutes are likely to determine how your child feels and behaves for the rest of the hour, day etc.

Give them permission to speak with you or someone they trust about the divorce and the situation in which they are currently living.  Doing this can open doors for communication to happen spontaneously in the future hence avoiding a whole lot of problems down the line.

Just letting them know it’s ok to ask and to enquire what happened and what is going on and letting them see that you, as the parent, can handle and contain their fears, worries and anxieties allows them to come to you.

If you are concerned about your little one(s) don’t hesitate to contact me on 07850 85 60 66 or email me at soila@helpingchildrencope.co.uk

Warm hugs,

Soila

(Don’t forget to get your copy of When Love is Broken” – Children coping with divorce

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

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Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with you is soul-destroying.
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Shame you’re Divorced

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What is Reiki www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
Soila Sindiyo
Child Trauma Therapist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine

Ever since launching The Divorce Magazine, one thing has become clear and obvious: being divorced is something to be ashamed off, it’s something that you want to hide as much as possible and it’s not a status you want to own or be associated with.

This has been indicated in two ways.

Firstly, I have been asked, over and over again why I chose to call this magazine, The Divorce Magazine.  Could I not find something more…gentle, nicer?

At a recent networking event one of the attendees informed me that she had been thinking of launching a magazine about divorce.

She went on to explain that she was still planning on doing so but she was going to call it something different, “something really lovely.  I find using the word divorce in the title a bit too harsh.  I wouldn’t want to be seen reading it.”

Secondly in the business world of Linkedin, some friends and acquaintances have said that they would rather not be connected to me because they didn’t want anything to do with Divorce to be seen as being part of their connections.  “People would begin to wonder what was going on in my marriage.” Or, “I don’t want potential employers or clients to see that I am connected to those working in divorce or separation.  It just doesn’t look good”

Finally and which is very closely tied to the previous point, is to do with Facebook.

my marriage
Being divorced is something to be ashamed off,

Facebook is more of a social site unlike Linkedin which is about business connections – you don’t talk about what you had for lunch here.

This is where you get personal and tell all that you want to all that are interested or not.  You show off your holiday photos and like and unlike other members posts, photos and videos.  And where Facebook is used for business purposes, the messages and posts are also more emotion based, intimate and friendly.

People see you and what you get up to and it is for this reason, as in the Linkedin point, that people have said they are reluctant to like the page because, again, “People will wonder what they have been up to what is going on in their lives.”

While I totally understand this, it just goes to show just how strong and negative a stigma divorce still holds in our lives, communities and society, so much so that your decision to hire someone or not will be based on her Linkedin connection to some who founded a magazine called “The Divorce Magazine.”

I recently wrote an article for the Huffington Post on a very similar subject but from a personal angle.

I find that unless we begin to look at divorce as part of our life’s journey, as something that happened but that doesn’t define us who we we are, then we will continue to hold it in darkness, in shame and in guilt.

We will continue to whisper about it and beat ourselves up when we go through it and label ourselves as “failed” in one of the biggest areas of our lives.

Unfortunately divorce is here and doesn’t seem to be going away.

Fortunately divorce is here so we have a means to right a wrong that would otherwise condemn some of us to lives of misery and sorrow for the sake of keeping up appearances.

 

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

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Some Humorous Quotes and for you!

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Still think that laughter is the best medicine even when going through a damn divorce!

You cannot beat a smile or a belly laugh in making you forget, even for a second, what you’re going through.  It truly helps in coping with divorce or dealing with divorce.

So no matter what, hope you enjoy the collection below!

humorous quotes www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk humorous quotes www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk humorous quotes www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk humorous quotes www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk

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The Divorce Process UK

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Another informative and valuable infographic from Davis Blank Furniss showing the divorce process in the UK so you know what to expect along the way and approximately how long you might expect the divorce process to last.

You may also be interested in the previous infographic by Davis Blank Furniss –  Divorce Facts and Divorce Myths Debunked

the divorce process uk

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