When entering an already established family with children, remember the children may be very sensitive to their Mother or Father dating.
Children have gone through a very traumatic experience and the thought of someone coming into their home to replace the absent parent may take time for them to adjust to.
- Having someone come in and take their parents attention can make children quite defensive at first. Be patient.
- It’s best not to try to hard to impress the children. Give them time to get to know you.
- Don’t ever try to replace the parent who has left. They only want you to be their friend. This way you will find that your relationship with their child should move along a lot smoother, but you may still have to work at it. Remember they are still children, but broken ones.
- Try to be yourself at all times; they want to know you for who you are.
- Don’t try to impress them by buying things for them, let them see the real you.
- Don’t shut the child out because you want to get closer to their parent. You knew before you entered the relationship that children were involved, so try to include them on some of your dates. You may be surprised at how much fun you all have.
Respect that the child may want personal space with their biological parent. If you honour the child’s request to give them time with their Mother or Father, they may not be so jealous of you having time with their Mummy or Daddy.
- Spend quality time alone with their children. Find out what sports they make like, or hobbies. Take time out to get to know them, and get into their world for a while. If you reverse the situation for a minute you would want this for yourself wouldn’t you?
- Respect your new partners ex-spouse. This is very important for the child. Don’t ever talk bad of their Mother or Father who is not living with them. Sometimes it’s best to put yourself in their parent’s shoes to see how you would like it if they were talking like this about you? If the child wants to talk to you about their Mother or Father just listen, but never talk badly of them even if the child does. The next day the child will love them again. A Child’s love for their parent is unconditional.
- Give the Children your full attention when they are talking to you. Eye to eye contact is very important.
Always remember to be patient with children you are getting to know. They are also trying to adjust to something they probably never thought they would have to go through.
Always remember, they are Children.
Karla’s journey started in 1998 and it is her life’s mission to reach families globally to tell them there is Hope after a Divorce and that these Children can go on to having a very fulfilled life and marriage. Karla is evidence of this.
Karla Lee has been married for 13yrs, and she has two little girls, Faith & Hope.
Karla’s Book “Please Don’t Go!” is her Life Story. It is raw and honest, and helps Parents see a Divorce totally from the Child’s Perspective with helpful tips. For teens & parents.
“Is It My Fault?” Karla Lee illustrated (4 short stories) to help younger children 3-12yrs understand what is happening in their home, whether a Parent is leaving or a potential Stepparent in entering their home.
For more information about Karla Lee or to purchase her books go to: www.karlalee.com