Author Karla Lee (Voice 4Kids) knows all to well what it feels like to go through a Divorce.
She was only 9yrs old at the time when her parents separated, and within a moment she felt her world fell apart. For the next 17yrs Karla struggled with different emotions, like anger, bitterness, resentment and the question of “Why Me?”
As an adult, Karla has come to realise that Parents want to talk to their Children but they just didn’t know how so here’s some helpful advice from Karla on how to handle the questions that come your way.
These are common divorce questions by children of divorce and how you can answer them.
Why are you getting a divorce?
Mummy and Daddy have tried to work through things together but it hasn’t worked. This was the last thing we wanted to happen. You must know right now that this isn’t your fault.
This is Mummy and Daddy’s problem to work through, but we are here if you want to ask us anything. We understand that this is also a very sad time for you, and understand that you are also hurting. Would you like to talk to me, or ask me anything now?
(This may open the door straight away for questions your children may need answered).
Know we are here if you ever want to talk or share your feeling with us.
Aren’t you happy being together anymore?
We are finding it difficult to be together at the moment, so we are trying to work through things. We want you to know that we are still very happy and proud of you.
We will work through this as Adults, so please don’t think that it has anything to do with you. You make us both very happy, more than you could ever know.
(Try to reassure your child that this separation divorce isn’t their fault. You may have to ask them if they understand?)
Do you still love me? (Reassurance question)
More than anything in the whole wide world. We will always love you. (Showing affection at this time would help. Say a cuddle.
Will we still be a family?
We will still be a family, but there will be a few changes. We may be doing different things at different times with you, but we are still your parents and we love you very much.
(Sometimes children fear that the parent at home may also abandon them. Reassure them again that this is not the case.
Who am I going to live with?
We will work that out, you don’t have to concern yourself with it. We will make sure that you are happy with the arrangements and that you see us both as much as possible.
(Sometimes Kids feel like they have to work it all out themselves and take care of the new living arrangements. Let them know that as parents you are still in charge and will take of these matters. If your child is older I suggest sitting them down to include them in the discussion. You might find they feel respected and not pushed aside. It is here that you may hear how they truly feel about it all.
(There needs to be stability and security of who is still in charge).
Will you call me every day when you move away?
Yes. Lets make at time for us to chat each day right now. What time do you think? After school?
(Include them in this process. Set a time with them there and then so that your child feels like you are making this phone calling to them a priority in your day -to -day business.)
Important Note: Don’t forget to call them; otherwise you will let them down. Children don’t forget.
Will you ever get back together?
At the moment we need to have this time apart, and we can’t promise you anything. We just want you to know we are here for you no matter what happens.
(Never make promises you can’t keep. Children have long memories).
If I stopped being naughty and fighting with my brother/sister would you have stayed together?
We did not separate because of you or your brother/sister, and it’s not because sometimes we may be upset with you. This is something between Mummy and Daddy. An adult issue.
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Karla’s journey started in 1998 and it is her life’s mission to reach families globally to tell them there is Hope after a Divorce and that these Children can go on to having a very fulfilled life and marriage. Karla is evidence of this.
Karla Lee has been married for 13yrs, and she has two little girls, Faith & Hope.
Karla’s Book “Please Don’t Go!” is her Life Story. It is raw and honest, and helps Parents see a Divorce totally from the Child’s Perspective with helpful tips. For teens & parents.
“Is It My Fault?” Karla Lee illustrated (4 short stories) to help younger children 3-12yrs understand what is happening in their home, whether a Parent is leaving or a potential Stepparent in entering their home.
For more information about Karla Lee or to purchase her books go to: www.karlalee.com