Breakup and Divorce Coach
Coach With Monika
When people think about divorce, they usually picture the obvious milestones.
Finding somewhere new to live, speaking to a solicitor, working out finances, telling family and friends, learning how to co-parent. What they don’t picture is sitting alone at 11pm, scrolling through every app on their phone, quietly scrolling through years of shared digital life.
Yet for many people, that’s exactly what happens. I call it the digital divorce.
It’s the process of separating your online life from someone else’s. Removing them from shared accounts, changing passwords, updating emergency contacts, deciding what to do with thousands of photos.
These might sound like small jobs, but they often carry much more emotional weight than people expect.
It’s a part of separation that very few people talk about, despite the fact it’s becoming something almost everyone experiences.
When your phone won’t let you move on
Years ago, reminders of a relationship were mostly physical. A jumper left in the wardrobe, a wedding photo on the mantelpiece, a favourite restaurant you avoided for a while.
Today, our relationships exist just as much online as they do offline. Your ex might still be saved as “Home” in your Uber account.
Google Photos might decide today is the perfect day to remind you about a holiday you took together three years ago. Spotify is still asking whether you want to continue your Duo subscription. Your phone still autofills their address.
None of these things are big on their own. But together, they create a constant stream of unexpected reminders that can make it much harder to move on.
Why social media makes letting go harder
Then there’s social media. For many people, resisting the temptation to look at an ex-partner’s profile becomes one of the hardest parts of healing.
Research suggests between 60% and 70% of people admit checking an ex’s social media after a breakup, while some academic studies have found the figure could be as high as 88%. Psychologists often refer to this behaviour as digital surveillance or attachment monitoring, and research has consistently linked it with higher emotional distress and greater difficulty moving on.
It isn’t because people necessarily want their relationship back.
Sometimes they’re simply curious, sometimes they’re looking for reassurance they’ve made the right decision, sometimes they’re hoping to see signs that the other person isn’t coping either.
Whatever the reason, those quick checks often keep people emotionally connected to someone they’re trying to let go of. As a divorce coach, I hear clients describe this all the time.
They know looking isn’t helping them, but the urge can feel almost automatic. One look turns into five minutes. Five minutes turns into an evening spent analysing photographs, comments and who’s liked whose posts. It’s exhausting.
Healing isn’t just emotional anymore
One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed over the years is that healing after divorce isn’t only about processing emotions anymore.
It’s also about managing technology. Something as simple as changing your emergency contact can suddenly become emotional.
Removing someone from your medical records, taking them off your insurance policy or deleting them as your next of kin isn’t just administration. It’s another sign that your life has changed.
Even deciding what to do with old photographs can feel impossible. Some people want to delete everything immediately. Others can’t bear the thought of losing those memories, even though they know looking at them hurts. Neither response is wrong.
The important thing is recognising that these aren’t simply digital tasks. They’re emotional milestones, and they deserve the same patience and compassion you would give yourself in any other part of the divorce process.
Give yourself permission to do it step by step
One mistake people often make is believing they have to sort everything out in one weekend. In reality, the digital divorce can happen in stages.
Start with the practical things that protect your independence and security.
Change passwords, update emergency contacts, remove shared payment methods, review which apps still have access to your location or personal information.
Those changes aren’t about erasing someone from your life. They’re about creating healthy boundaries.
The more emotional tasks like deleting photographs can wait until you’re ready.
Creating space for what’s next
One of the ways I encourage clients to think about the digital divorce is this:
You’re not deleting your past, you’re creating space for your future.
Every account you separate, every password you update, they’re all small reminders that you’re rebuilding your own life.
That doesn’t diminish the relationship or pretend it never mattered, it just acknowledges that you’re making room for new routines, new memories and eventually, a new chapter.
You’re not the only one experiencing this
The hardest part about the digital divorce is that so many people go through it without realising it has a name.
Friends prepare you for the legal process. They prepare you for mediation, they prepare you for financial settlements.
Very few prepare you for the moment your phone unexpectedly reminds you of an anniversary you’d forgotten, or when Spotify asks whether you’d like to continue sharing your subscription.
These moments can feel surprisingly painful because they arrive without warning.
If you’ve found yourself caught off guard by something as simple as updating an app or seeing an old photograph appear on your screen, you’re not overreacting.
You’re experiencing a very modern part of separation that many people quietly struggle through. Healing today isn’t just about letting go emotionally. Sometimes it’s about gently logging out of the life you once shared, one password, one app and one small digital thread at a time.
About Monika Braglewicz
Monika is an accredited breakup and divorce coach who helps people navigate relationship change with clarity, confidence and compassion. Having overcome divorce, financial hardship and homelessness herself, she combines lived experience with professional coaching to support clients through separation, co-parenting, heartbreak and life after divorce, helping them rebuild with resilience and purpose.