divorce process

Separated But Still Married: Who Inherits If You Die During a Divorce?
Middle aged Black man filling out tax forms with pen while sitting at table next to middle aged Caucasian man, both reviewing financial documents and paperwork related to paying taxes

Separated But Still Married: Who Inherits If You Die During a Divorce?

Steve Gauke
Steve Gauke
Managing Director
Provira

If you’re halfway through a divorce, you probably already think of your husband or wife as your ex.

You may be living in separate houses, your finances might already be separate and you could be well into discussions about who keeps the house and how everything else will be divided.

Legally, though, there’s an awkward gap between deciding your marriage is over and actually being divorced.

Until you receive your Final Order – the document that officially ends your marriage – you’re still married. If either of you dies before that happens, it can change what happens to your money and property quite considerably.

Your divorce stops if one of you dies

If you or your spouse dies before the divorce is final, the divorce process comes to an end. It might sound obvious, but you can’t divorce somebody who has died.

The more complicated question is what happens to everything you were in the middle of sorting out. The house, savings and other assets don’t necessarily get divided in the way you’d been discussing, even if you’d already spent months working towards an agreement.

Instead, inheritance law can suddenly become part of the picture.

Your soon-to-be ex could still inherit from you

Starting a divorce doesn’t automatically remove your spouse from your will.

Say you wrote a will ten years ago leaving most of your estate to your husband or wife. You separate, start getting divorced and changing the will is one of those jobs you promise yourself you’ll get round to.

If you die before you do, that old will could still dictate where your money goes.

It’s why I’d put reviewing your will fairly high on the financial to-do list when you separate. You may decide you’re happy with it as it is, but you don’t want to find out too late that a will written when your circumstances were completely different is still deciding who inherits.

What if you don’t have a will?

This is probably the part that catches most people by surprise.

If you die without a valid will, legal rules decide who receives your estate. They’re known as the intestacy rules, but the important bit is much simpler: if you’re still legally married, your estranged husband or wife can still inherit.

In some circumstances, they could inherit everything. You could have been separated for a year, living completely separate lives and be months into the divorce process. As far as both of you are concerned, the marriage is over. But if the Final Order hasn’t been made, legally it isn’t.

The house can be different again

It’s also worth checking exactly how you own your home. If you own it together as joint tenants, your share will usually pass automatically to the other owner when you die, regardless of what your will says. If you own it as tenants in common, you each own a share that can be left to someone in your will.

You don’t need to know the ins and outs of property law. There’s one question I’d ask your solicitor: “If I died tomorrow, what would happen to my share of our house?”

That should quickly tell you whether there’s anything you need to change.

What about the financial settlement you were working towards?

This is another reason not to assume that everything you’ve already agreed will carry on as planned.

You might have spent months discussing the house, savings, pensions and other assets. Maybe you were expecting a lump sum as part of the divorce. 

If your spouse dies before everything is completed, that agreement won’t necessarily go ahead in the way you expected.

Depending on how far things have progressed, you may need advice about whether you can make a claim against your spouse’s estate instead.

There are laws that allow certain people, including a surviving husband or wife, to make a claim if they haven’t been left with reasonable financial support. The details matter enormously here, so this is something I’d speak to an inheritance solicitor about rather than trying to second-guess what you’re entitled to.

A few questions worth asking now

Nobody going through a divorce particularly wants another list of admin to deal with. But while you’re talking about the house, savings and what happens next, I’d make sure you’ve covered what happens if one of you dies too.

Does your current will still reflect what you want? What happens to your share of the house? Are there pensions, life insurance policies or death-in-service benefits that need reviewing? And what would happen financially if either of you died before the Final Order?

Hopefully, none of it ever becomes relevant.

But while divorce naturally gets you thinking about what happens when your marriage ends, it’s worth remembering that, until you have that Final Order, legally it hasn’t ended yet.

About Steve Gauke

Steve Gauke is Managing Director of Provira, the UK’s leading specialist provider of probate finance. He joined Provira in 2022 and has played a central role in its growth, helping establish the business as the UK’s major provider of inheritance and estate advances for beneficiaries, executors and professional advisers.

Why Expertise Matters When Choosing an Attorney for a Military Divorce

Why Expertise Matters When Choosing an Attorney for a Military Divorce

Cora Gold
Cora Gold
Editor in Chief
Revivalist

Your orders say Texas, your soon-to-be-ex-spouse is back home in Ohio and a deployment date keeps creeping closer. Meanwhile, you’re trying to figure out who keeps the pension, where to file and how to protect time with your kids. Military divorces can be complicated, and that’s why expertise matters when choosing an attorney. A lawyer who understands the rules may help with custody and benefits issues, providing you with peace of mind during a stressful time.

Why Military Divorces Require Specialized Legal Experience

A civilian divorce often involves one state, one set of rules and a spouse who’s nearby. Yours may look different. Federal laws such as the Uniformed Services Former Spouses’ Protection Act (USFSPA) sit on top of state family law. They can affect where you file, how courts treat retirement pay and who has the kids during a deployment.

The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act covers full-time active-duty members of the six military branches, reservists on federal active duty and members of the National Guard. It also covers commissioned officers in active service of the Public Health Service or the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. It gives service members and their dependents a set of federal protections tied to military service.

Those protections can include the ability to postpone civil court proceedings, because military duty may make it hard to participate in court. Military-specific experience may help an attorney spot federal issues early, which can shape the outcome of your case.

How Military Pensions and Benefits Get Divided in a Divorce

Under the 10/10 rule for direct payments, the Defense Finance and Accounting Service generally pays a former spouse only after a 10-year marriage. That marriage must overlap with 10 years of creditable military service.

Once a court awards a share, the order typically specifies it as a fixed dollar amount or a percentage of the retiree’s disposable pay. Working out how overlapping years of service and marriage fit into that math can get complicated quickly.

Military law attorneys from Tully Rinckey PLLC point to key areas, such as “asset division, spousal support and child custody through negotiation whenever possible.” 

Those areas can affect your finances and family for years. Attorneys who understand how retirement pay, disability pay and other benefits interact may help you see what’s at stake before you sign anything.

Navigating Jurisdiction and Residency Requirements in a Military Divorce

Military families often face a choice about where to file. Depending on where you’re stationed, your legal domicile and where your spouse lives, you may have more than one state to choose from. That choice may shape the rest of your case.

Counsel should understand both state law and federal protections. Frequent moves can make that guidance especially useful, because a case may touch several states at once.

Tully Rinckey PLLC explains, “Even attorneys who have practiced family and matrimonial law for years can find themselves at a disadvantage when attempting to represent a service member or a nonmilitary spouse.” 

A military divorce lawyer comfortable with multistate work may help you weigh your options.

Protecting Custody Rights During Deployment and Relocation

All 50 states have at least one legal provision protecting service members in custody cases, with details varying by state. Examples of custody protections for military families include:

  • Absence limits: Courts generally need more than past or possible future military absences to change a custody order.
  • Reinstated arrangements: Courts generally restore custody arrangements made before a deployment when you return, unless doing so would undermine your child’s best interests.
  • Visitation delegation: A deployed service member may be able to assign visitation rights to someone else, with 38 states also protecting that arrangement.

According to Tully Rinckey PLLC, “In order to prevent [her] from obtaining custody during your deployment, your divorce decree should state that your deployment is not a change of circumstances enabling her to modify the custody agreement.”

Because protections vary by state, it helps to ask your attorney early which laws affect your case. If a dispute becomes contested, an attorney with strong negotiation and litigation skills may help protect your parenting time related to a move or deployment.

Why Responsive Communication and Virtual Access Matter

Military life can place you on a base in another state or overseas, which may make phone calls and in-person meetings hard to schedule. That’s why prompt answers and virtual consultations may make it easier to share documents, ask questions and feel confident before you commit.

Multistate reach matters, too. Firms with that kind of reach may be able to support you, wherever your duty station is.

Who Are the Top-Rated Family Law Attorneys for Military Divorces?

Look for attorneys who combine strong family law experience with a clear understanding of military-specific issues. They should be able to handle the core parts of a divorce case, including property division, child custody, and child and spousal support. This is all while also recognizing how civilian family law interacts with federal protections for service members. That broader knowledge can matter when your case involves military pension division, benefits, allowances, deployment-related custody concerns or jurisdiction rules that may affect where you file.

A strong attorney should also be responsive, clear about your options and able to work with the realities of military life, including relocation, deployment schedules or virtual consultations. If your case may involve multiple states, look for someone who understands how residency, domicile and filing-state rules can affect the process. The right fit is someone who can explain how they would approach your pension, custody, benefits, allowances and filing questions before you move forward.

Frequently Asked Questions About Military Divorce Attorneys

Hiring an attorney raises practical questions, especially when deployments and moves are involved.

What should you look for in a military divorce lawyer?

Look for a military divorce attorney who understands both civilian family law and the federal laws that govern service members and their families. Strong candidates demonstrate qualities such as military divorce experience, knowledge of pension and benefits division, and familiarity with jurisdictional and deployment-related custody issues.

Can a military divorce lawyer help with custody and benefits issues?

Yes, a private civilian military divorce lawyer can help you handle both child custody and military benefits issues. That may include understanding custody protections tied to deployment and relocation, as well as explaining how courts may divide retirement pay and other benefits.

Do you need a lawyer licensed in your spouse’s state?

You generally need an attorney licensed in the state where the case is filed, not necessarily the state where your spouse lives. Residency and domicile may give you more than one possible filing state.

Finding Legal Support That Understands Military Families

Pensions, jurisdiction, deployment and benefits all come together in a military divorce, so expertise carries real weight when you choose an attorney for a military divorce. Seek demonstrated military-specific experience alongside general family law credentials.

Before you schedule a consultation, ask how often the attorney handles military cases and how they would approach your pension, custody and filing questions. A clear, confident answer may be a good sign you’ve found the right advocate.

About Cora Gold

Cora Gold is a freelance writer with experience in parenting, family life and divorce. Her work has been featured in Scary Mommy and Cafe Mom. Connect with Cora on LinkedIn, X and Pinterest.

Different Perspectives: Why September Sparks A Surge In Silver Divorce
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Different Perspectives: Why September Sparks A Surge In Silver Divorce

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Freshers’ Week at universities throughout the UK can set off wide-ranging emotions and thoughts of divorce.

While students are apprehensive and excited about leaving the family home, many parents who are experiencing a profound sense of loss start to question their relationship – and their future.

Divorce figures overall are declining  but those among the over 50’s continue to rocket. The reasons vary from couple to couple – some couples know their relationship is over but stay together until the children have flown the nest.

Others reconnect with  old flames and many realise when the children are gone that their relationship has run its course and they want more from life. I share some insights below:

Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?

Until you start living without the person you have shared over half your life with, you cannot know how much you will miss them.

Before rushing to make seismic life changes you may later regret, communicate honestly and openly with your spouse and establish if you still want the same life goals.

A marriage in a rut can be worth salvaging and, If you are both on the same page, consider working with third parties like counsellors to get it back on track.

Consider The Consequences Of Divorce

New living arrangements – divorce means finding a way to make the finances which have supported one household work for two.  It can often mean downsizing from a large house and garden, taking on a new or higher mortgage and possibly paying or being dependent on maintenance.

The Cost of Divorce can be substantially higher for mature couples, many of whom have more assets, complicated savings, and property portfolios – often abroad.

Specialist pensions advice will be needed to ensure a fair division of retirement income, including pension lump sums  Older couples often have financial plans for this stage in their life but have to rethink those plans when they separate.  Good financial advice is key to ensuring those assets are restructured fairly and how the children’s university costs will be funded.

The Impact On Your Children – How will your children, and grandchildren, react – and how will divorce impact on how often you see them? Older children may better understand the reasons but can be more likely to take sides.

The loyalties of friends and wider family may be split, substantially reducing your support network. Also consider how the emotional cost of the break up will affect you.

When Staying Together Is Not An Option

If there is no way forward, consider non-confrontational options to divorce, which avoid a lengthy, costly, and stressful court route, and put children’s best interests first.

Mediation – a means of resolving family disputes constructively, enabling you to keep  control over decisions which will affect the future of you and your family.

This private and confidential process takes place in an impartial environment and involves a mediator like me, an independent third party who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement over key areas. Many mediators, like myself, are lawyers and can provide extremely useful information about the law to inform your decisions.

Collaborative Family Law – you and your ex each appoint your own collaboratively trained lawyer. In a series of confidential meetings, you all work together to identify, address and resolve financial, parenting, and other key issues.

Collaborative family lawyers  provide support and legal advice throughout the sessions. Accountants, independent financial advisers, pensions advisers and/or childcare specialists can also attend and provide guidance on a neutral basis.

If court is the only way forward, I recommend securing the best possible legal advice from highly experienced family law professionals like Jones Myers. Our bespoke, innovative and problem-solving approach ensures we always seek the best solution for your individual situation.

For queries on divorce/family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce

Jones Myers blog is ranked 5th among the UK’s Best 20 Family Law Blogs to follow in 2026.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

About Nicki Mitchell

With over three decades experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

 A specialist Family Lawyer, Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk  01904 202553, www.jonesmyers.co.uk

Post-Brexit Family Court Ruling Warns Parents That Jurisdiction Over Their Child Can Change During Proceedings
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Post-Brexit Family Court Ruling Warns Parents That Jurisdiction Over Their Child Can Change During Proceedings

Zoe Fleetwood
Zoe Fleetwood
Partner
Mills & Reeve
Annie Wogel
Annie Wogel
Senior Associate
Mills & Reeve

A SIGNIFICANT family court ruling has warned parents involved in international disputes that responsibility for making decisions about their child can shift between countries during ongoing legal proceedings.

The decision in F v M & Anor (Jurisdiction) [2026] EWFC 219 (B) concerned a young child who was born in England and initially lived in England and Wales. However, during the proceedings, she began spending the majority of her time in Lithuania with her mother.

Following a detailed assessment of the child’s circumstances, the Central Family Court concluded that she had become habitually resident in Lithuania. As a result, the English courts no longer had jurisdiction to decide the child arrangements case.

Commenting on what this means for similar cases, Zoe Fleetwood, a family law partner at leading law firm Mills & Reeve, who represented the child’s mother, said: “This case shows that parents should not assume that because proceedings have started in England, the English courts will necessarily retain jurisdiction until the case concludes.

“Where a child spends significant time living in another country, their circumstances and connections can develop. The court may then find that their habitual residence has changed, which can have significant consequences for where a case is heard and which country’s courts make decisions about a child’s future.”

The case is particularly significant for families with connections to more than one country, as the rules governing international children cases have changed since Brexit. Recent research by Mills & Reeve found that nearly half (47%) of UK adults have considered moving overseas long-term or permanently, while 21% are likely to do so within the next five years. 

However, just 6% would seek legal advice on child custody arrangements and only 4% would seek guidance on how divorce and separation laws differ between countries, compared with 51% seeking advice on visas and residency.

For families moving abroad, the legal implications can extend beyond visas and property. Under the 1996 Hague Convention, a court can lose jurisdiction during proceedings if a child’s habitual residence changes to another country. This differs from the pre-Brexit position, under which jurisdiction would generally remain with the court where proceedings had started.

In this case, the court found that the child had become habitually resident in Lithuania, having spent more than 80% of her time there with her mother. She was also well integrated into life in Lithuania through family, activities, medical care and the language. By comparison, her connections to England were more limited and centred mainly on contact with her father.

As a result, the child arrangements case could no longer continue in England and Wales. The court also found that she had not been wrongfully moved or retained in Lithuania.

Explaining more, Annie Wogel, senior associate, who assisted on the case, added: “This case highlights an important change in the way international children cases are dealt with following Brexit. Jurisdiction is not necessarily fixed when proceedings begin and parents need to be aware that a child’s circumstances can change during the course of a case.

“For families involved in cross-border disputes, it is important to keep jurisdiction under review throughout proceedings. A child’s living arrangements, relationships and connections to different countries can evolve, particularly where they are very young, and those changes may ultimately affect which court has jurisdiction.”

Read more articles by Mills & Reeve.

About Mills & Reeve

Mills & Reeve LLP is a leading UK law firm headquartered in London, with additional offices in Birmingham, Cambridge, Leeds, Manchester, Norwich, and Oxford. Its 1,450 plus people and over 850 lawyers share one vision: achieve more together. It’s a state of mind in every client relationship that starts with every choice it makes. And it’s what clients consistently say distinguishes it from your average law firm. 

Ranked as the UK’s 39th largest law firm by 2023/24 revenues, Mills & Reeve is recognised for both legal excellence and a strong workplace culture, regularly featuring in The Sunday Times Best Places to Work and holding a Platinum Investors in People accreditation. It’s driven by its values – ambition, openness, care and collaboration. It embraces new ideas, communicates honestly and is easy to work with. It’s a law firm that’s committed to you. 

To find out more, visit www.mills-reeve.com/

About Zoe Fleetwood

A highly experienced children lawyer, Zoe heads the firm’s children law team. Well-known for handling complex cases, Zoe’s experience includes child abduction, wardship, care proceedings, surrogacy, adoption and forced marriage, as well as disputes involving allegations of abuse. Zoe’s cases often have an international dimension.

Committed to children’s rights and ensuring the best outcome, Zoe has considerable experience of representing children directly.

About Annie Wogel

Annie advises clients on a broad range of family law matters, from divorce and associated financial issues, to children matters, cohabitation disputes between unmarried couples, and pre-nuptial agreements. She acts for high net worth individuals and is experienced in dealing with cases involving complex business structures and international assets.

When One Household Becomes Two: The Retirement Crisis Hidden Inside Divorce
Cropped closeup focused image. Savings concept. Caucasian old elderly senior grandparents couple husband wife spouses putting coin into moneybox, economy for nest egg, pension, mortgage loan at home
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When One Household Becomes Two: The Retirement Crisis Hidden Inside Divorce

Sarah Hawkins
Sarah Hawkins
CEO
National Family Mediation (NFM)

Every September, Pensions Awareness Week encourages us to think about our future. We are reminded to check our pension statements, review our retirement savings and ask ourselves whether we are putting enough aside to enjoy the retirement we hope for.

They are important conversations, but I believe we are overlooking another one.

What happens to those carefully made retirement plans when a marriage ends?

At National Family Mediation, we are seeing a growing number of people in their fifties seeking support as they navigate separation. Around one in ten enquiries we received between April 2025 and March 2026 came from people aged over 50. That tells me something important. Later-life separation is no longer a niche issue; it reflects the changing reality of modern family life.

I’ve never been particularly fond of the phrase “grey divorce”. It conjures images of couples quietly separating after retirement, with grown-up children, mortgage-free homes and relatively straightforward finances.

That simply isn’t what we see.

Today’s fifty-somethings are often still paying mortgages, helping children through university, supporting adult children who cannot yet afford to leave home and, increasingly, caring for ageing parents. Many still have another ten or fifteen years of work ahead of them. They are making decisions about school fees, university costs, housing and day-to-day household finances long before they are thinking seriously about retirement.

Those immediate pressures naturally dominate conversations when relationships break down.

People come to mediation to work through the practical realities of separation: what happens to the family home, how ongoing financial commitments will be managed, whether children can still be supported through education and how both people can move forward on secure financial footing.

Pensions are rarely the first thing people mention.

Yet once the wider financial picture is laid out, they quickly become one of the most important parts of the conversation.

For couples over 50, pensions form part of almost every financial mediation we facilitate because they sit alongside housing, mortgages, savings, investments and debt as part of a complete financial settlement. By this stage of life, a pension is often one of the largest assets a couple has accumulated, sometimes worth more than the family home itself.

The irony is that while retirement may still feel years away, this is often the point at which pension decisions matter most. After decades of saving, pension pots have had time to grow, but they are rarely equal.

Career breaks to raise children, periods spent caring for relatives, part-time working, differences in earnings and, for some families, disruption to careers during the pandemic have all influenced how much people have been able to save. That means pension wealth can vary significantly between partners, making it one of the most valuable – and often most misunderstood – assets to consider.

Looking only at today’s financial pressures can mean overlooking the asset that will shape tomorrow’s financial security.

The full new State Pension is currently worth just over £12,500 a year, and not everyone will receive that amount. Entitlement depends on an individual’s National Insurance record, meaning career breaks, caring responsibilities and periods of part-time work can all affect what someone ultimately receives.

Even for those entitled to the full amount, the State Pension alone is unlikely to provide the retirement most people would hope for. According to the current Retirement Living Standards, a single person now needs around £13,900 a year simply to achieve a minimum standard of living in retirement, while a two-person household requires around £22,500. Those figures represent a basic standard of living rather than a comfortable one.

Meanwhile, the wider outlook for retirement is becoming increasingly challenging. Pensions UK estimates that one in five workers is projected to fall short of even the minimum Retirement Living Standard. The FCA says that around 2.8 million people are carrying persistent credit card debt, while it’s 2024 Financial Lives Survey found that more than 3.8 million retirees worry that their money will not last throughout retirement.

We are also living longer. The ONS says that a woman reaching the age of 65 in the 2030s can expect to live until around 89, while a man can expect to live to around 87. Many more people will live well into their nineties, with growing numbers celebrating their 100th birthday. Longer lives are something to celebrate, but they also mean retirement savings need to stretch much further than previous generations ever imagined.

Housing is changing too. Pensions UK projects that by 2030, more than one in ten people aged over 65 will be living in privately rented accommodation. For many, retirement will no longer mean living mortgage-free in a home they own outright. Instead, it may involve paying rent alongside rising energy bills, higher food costs and all the other financial pressures that have become familiar during the cost-of-living crisis.

Taken together, these trends paint a sobering picture. Retirement security is becoming harder to achieve at precisely the moment when later-life separation is becoming more financially complex.

Nobody likes the thought of sharing a pension they have spent decades building. That is entirely understandable. People have worked hard, contributed throughout their careers and naturally want to protect the future they have planned.

But perhaps there is another question worth asking.

Most people also do not want someone they once loved to spend retirement worrying about whether they can afford to heat their home, pay the weekly food shop or cope with an unexpected bill. This is not about suggesting that every pension should be divided equally or that one person should sacrifice their own future for the other. Every family is different, every financial picture is unique and every settlement should reflect those circumstances.

What matters is that decisions are made with a full understanding of their long-term consequences.

Too often, pensions are traded against other assets without fully appreciating what they represent. Keeping a greater share of the equity in the family home may feel like the better outcome today, but twenty years later it may be pension income – not bricks and mortar – that determines whether someone enjoys financial independence or faces financial insecurity.

That is why mediation has such an important role to play. It creates the space for practical, informed conversations about the whole financial picture, including pensions, property, savings, mortgages, investments and debt. Rather than focusing solely on who gets what, mediation helps couples understand the implications of the choices they are making so they can reach fair, informed agreements that give both people the best possible chance of financial security in later life.

These conversations are rarely easy, but they are essential. Every pound spent on unnecessary conflict is a pound that cannot be invested in retirement, housing or supporting the next generation.

For years, we have encouraged people to save more for retirement, and rightly so. But perhaps Pensions Awareness Week should also remind us that protecting our retirement is about more than increasing our pension contributions. It is also about making informed decisions when life takes an unexpected turn.

We cannot change the housing market. We cannot immediately reverse the cost-of-living crisis. We cannot stop people living longer, nor should we want to. What we can do is ensure that when relationships end, people understand the long-term financial consequences of the decisions they make.

If we are serious about tackling pension insecurity, we need to recognise that later-life divorce is no longer simply a family law issue. It is increasingly a retirement planning issue too.

Divorce marks the end of a relationship, but it should never become the beginning of avoidable financial hardship in later life. If this Pensions Awareness Week encourages separating couples to understand the true value of their pensions before making life-changing decisions, it will have achieved something that benefits not only today’s families, but the society we are all growing older in.

Read more articles by Sarah Hawkins.

About Sarah Hawkins

Sarah Hawkins is the CEO of National Family Mediation (NFM), the largest provider of family mediation services in England and Wales. A passionate advocate for conflict resolution and family wellbeing, Sarah has over 20 years of experience helping families navigate the emotional and legal challenges of separation and divorce.

📍 www.nfm.org.uk | 📧 info@nfm.org.uk | 📱 @FamilyMediationNFM

How to Prepare for Your First Meeting With a Divorce Lawyer in Oakville
Hands of businesswoman searching for report in archive

How to Prepare for Your First Meeting With a Divorce Lawyer in Oakville

Soila Sindiyo
Dr Soila Sindiyo
Counselling Psychologist and Founding Editor of The Divorce Magazine

Paid article.

Walking into your first divorce lawyer meeting without any preparation can make an already hard experience feel chaotic. You’re carrying real emotional weight, and the last thing you need is to sit down with a legal professional and draw a blank on half the things they’re asking about. Preparing ahead of time changes everything: you get more out of the hour, you ask better questions, and you leave knowing what comes next. This article walks through how to get ready for that first meeting with a divorce lawyer in Oakville, from the paperwork you should bring to the questions worth asking. The information here is general and doesn’t constitute legal advice or form a lawyer-client relationship. Ontario law changes, and your circumstances are unique, so talk to a qualified family lawyer licensed in this province before making any legal decisions.

What Documents to Bring to Your First Appointment

One of the most practical things you can do before stepping into a lawyer’s office is pull together the right paperwork in advance. Most lawyers bill hourly, so time spent piecing together details from memory is money out of your pocket. It’s worth looking at how firms describe their own intake process: a divorce lawyer serving Oakville at Simple Divorce, for example, spells out what a first consultation typically covers, and much of it comes down to documents you’re expected to bring along. Focus on two main categories: financial documents and personal legal records. Both tell your lawyer a great deal about how your marriage was structured and what a fair resolution might look like. Don’t stress about having everything on the first visit. Even partial documentation helps your lawyer get oriented and identify what’s still missing. Start pulling together what you can, and note anything you’ll need to chase down.

Financial Records That Tell the Full Story

Your lawyer needs a clear picture of your household finances before they can give you useful advice about property division, support, or any other financial matter tied to your divorce. Pull together the following items before your appointment:

  • Recent pay stubs for both spouses, or your most recent Notice of Assessment from the Canada Revenue Agency if you’re self-employed
  • Two to three years of personal tax returns for both parties
  • Bank statements from all accounts, including joint and individual ones, for the past three to six months
  • Mortgage statements, property tax records, and any home appraisals you already have
  • Statements for registered accounts such as RRSPs, TFSAs, and pension information
  • Records of any major debts (credit cards, lines of credit, car loans)

You don’t need to memorize the numbers. Bring the documents and let your lawyer draw the relevant conclusions. If you’re not sure whether something is relevant, include it anyway. It’s far easier to set aside a document that turns out to be irrelevant than to schedule a second appointment because an important record was missing from the first one.

Personal and Legal Documents You’ll Need

Your lawyer will also need documents that establish the legal facts of your marriage and family situation, not just financial records. Your original marriage certificate is one of them; it’s among the documents required to file for divorce in Ontario under the Divorce Act. If you have children, bring anything related to their care arrangements, school records, and any written agreements you and your spouse have already made, even informal ones. Any existing separation agreement, cohabitation agreement, or prenuptial agreement should come along too, if one exists. If your spouse has already hired a lawyer and sent formal correspondence your way, bring that as well. It’s smart to write down key dates beforehand: your date of marriage, your date of separation, and the ages and birth dates of your children. These feel like things you’d never forget. But stress has a way of wiping your mind clean, and a simple written list keeps the conversation accurate.

Questions to Ask and What to Realistically Expect

Your first meeting isn’t only about what you bring; it’s also your opportunity to evaluate the lawyer and get a realistic sense of what’s ahead. A lot of people arrive ready to tell their story and then forget to ask the questions that would actually help them plan. Write a short list beforehand so nothing important gets left out. Your lawyer should be able to walk you through how Ontario family law applies to your situation, what a typical timeline looks like for your type of case, and what they’ll need from you going forward. Fees should come up too, so there are no surprises down the road. A good lawyer speaks plainly and won’t make you feel like you’re burning through a timer. If you leave more confused than when you arrived, that’s worth paying attention to.

Understanding the Divorce Process in Ontario

Ontario divorces are governed by both the federal Divorce Act and provincial family law legislation, including the Family Law Act and the Children’s Law Reform Act. The distinction matters because different rules apply to different issues. Property division follows provincial law, while child support guidelines come from a federal framework. Ask your lawyer to walk you through the stages of your specific situation. If your divorce is uncontested, meaning both spouses agree on the main issues, the process is generally simpler and faster than a contested one. But even an uncontested divorce requires court filing, and the paperwork still needs to be accurate and complete. Your lawyer should be able to tell you, based on what you share in the first meeting, whether your case is likely to stay straightforward or whether complications might arise. Ask directly. A clear answer at this stage saves you a lot of uncertainty later on.

Fees, Timelines, and What to Ask About Billing

Family law costs vary quite a bit depending on whether your divorce is contested or uncontested, how complicated your finances are, and how much time the lawyer spends on your file. Ask them to explain their billing structure clearly – flat fee, hourly rate, or retainer, and what each one actually covers. Find out what triggers additional charges beyond the retainer. Ask for a cost estimate based on what they know so far, with the understanding that it could shift as things develop. Timelines matter too. An uncontested divorce in Ontario can take several months from start to finish once the paperwork is properly filed; contested cases often run significantly longer. Get a realistic picture of what the process looks like for your specific situation. And if money is a concern, say so – some firms offer flexible arrangements, and you’re better off knowing your options early than finding out later.

Conclusion

Strong preparation for a first meeting with a divorce lawyer in Oakville really comes down to three things: organized documents, a written list of questions, and a clear sense of what you want to understand before you leave. You won’t have all the answers walking in. That’s fine; the lawyer’s job is to help you figure out what you don’t yet know. Pull together your financial and personal records, keep in mind that Ontario family law draws from both federal and provincial sources, and ask direct questions about costs and timelines. This is general information only and isn’t a substitute for legal advice built around your specific situation. Talk to a licensed Ontario family lawyer to get guidance that actually fits your circumstances.

International Divorce: What is a Jurisdiction Battle and Why Does It Matter?
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International Divorce: What is a Jurisdiction Battle and Why Does It Matter?

Ruben Sinha

Partner in the Family Team

JMW Solicitors LLP

You may live in England, own property overseas or have a spouse who spends much of their time in another country. If your marriage ends, more than one court may be able to deal with the divorce and the court chosen could have a major impact on your finances. Taking advice before either spouse starts proceedings can help you protect your position and avoid a costly dispute.

What is a jurisdiction battle?

A jurisdiction battle is a disagreement about which country’s courts should deal with a divorce. It can arise, for example, where one spouse starts proceedings in England and Wales while the other believes the case should be dealt with abroad.

Why does it matter where you divorce?

The country dealing with your divorce may also decide the financial arrangements that follow it. Different courts can take different approaches to property, businesses, trusts, pensions, maintenance, inherited wealth, assets owned before the marriage and pre-nuptial or post-nuptial agreements. The choice of court may therefore affect what information must be disclosed, how particular assets are treated, whether an agreement carries weight, how readily an order can be enforced and the overall cost and timing of the case. For families with substantial or complex wealth, those differences can be significant.

Can you divorce in England and Wales?

Before the English court can deal with a divorce, there must be a sufficient legal connection with England and Wales. The relevant rules are set out in section 5 of the Domicile and Matrimonial Proceedings Act 1973. The court will usually look at where each spouse normally lives and, in some cases, where they regard as their permanent home.

These concepts have precise legal meanings. “Habitual residence” broadly means where your life is centred. “Domicile” is different and looks at your permanent home and intentions. The court may consider where you live and work, how settled you are, your family life, and your plans for the future. No single fact will necessarily decide the issue.

If divorce proceedings are already taking place in another country, the English court may be asked to pause—or “stay”—the English case under Schedule 1 to the 1973 Act. The court will consider which country has the closest connection with the family and where the case can be dealt with most fairly and conveniently.

The court may look at where the family has lived, where the assets and evidence are, the progress of each country’s proceedings, likely delay and expense, whether any eventual order can be enforced, and whether both courts can achieve a fair result. Starting first can be relevant, but it does not automatically mean that country will deal with the divorce.

It is also important not to assume that the country dealing with the divorce will necessarily resolve every financial issue. Questions may arise about whether financial claims can be made in another country, whether orders will be recognised or enforced overseas, and whether separate advice is required in relations to tax, trusts, companies or immigration. Mapping those issues at the outset can reveal risks that are not apparent from the divorce application alone.

Should you act quickly?

Yes, but the right strategy is more important than simply trying to issue divorce proceedings first. If proceedings have started, or may be about to start, in another country, advice should be taken immediately on jurisdiction, enforcement and the risk of conflicting orders. There may be steps available to protect your position, but court orders stopping or restricting foreign proceedings are exceptional. Rushing to court without a sound legal and evidential basis can increase costs, expose strategy prematurely and make the wider financial dispute harder to resolve.

Practical steps to take 

  1. Take advice before starting or responding to proceedings. You may need coordinated advice in more than one country.
  2. Prepare a simple timeline. Record where you and your spouse have lived and worked, your important moves and the dates of any court proceedings.
  3. Keep relevant documents. These may include travel records, immigration documents, tax records, property papers and evidence about your future plans.
  4. Tell your lawyer about any overseas steps. Share details of every foreign application, hearing, agreement or order as soon as possible.
  5. Identify where the assets and decision-makers are. Consider homes, businesses, pensions, trusts and investments, together with the location of trustees, company records, advisers and key documents. Your legal team will also need to consider whether an order made in one country can be recognised and enforced in another.

How legal advice can help

International divorce cases are highly fact-specific, and the right approach will depend on the connections between the family, their finances and the countries involved. Early specialist advice can clarify which courts may have jurisdiction, identify immediate risks and bring together the legal, financial, tax and enforcement issues that may affect the family’s wider wealth. Where advice is required in more than one country, a coordinated strategy can reduce uncertainty, avoid conflicting steps and help ensure that important decisions are made with a clear view of their long-term consequences.

About Ruben Sinha

Ruben Sinha is a Partner in JMW’s Family Law team and Head of JMW Signature, the firm’s cross-practice service for high and ultra-high net worth individuals, families, family offices and family businesses. He advises on complex divorce and financial cases involving substantial wealth, international assets, businesses, trusts, nuptial agreements and asset protection. 

Ruben has particular experience of cases in which family law issues overlap with wider questions of ownership, governance, tax, succession and long-term wealth planning. He works closely with JMW colleagues across private wealth, contentious trusts, tax, corporate and other specialist teams, as well as trusted advisers in overseas jurisdictions, to provide coordinated and practical advice. Ruben’s approach is strategic and commercially focused. He helps clients understand the immediate legal issues while keeping sight of the wider financial picture, the need for discretion and the long-term consequences for the client, their family and any underlying business or wealth structures.

From Screenshot Pile to Working Chronology: Preparing for a Solicitor or Mediator
Life is all happening online. Shot of an unrecognisable person using a smartphone

From Screenshot Pile to Working Chronology: Preparing for a Solicitor or Mediator

Mielad Niekzad
Mielad Niekzad
Platform Engineer
Casewell

Separation has a habit of producing an enormous digital archive.

WhatsApp messages. Emails. Photographs. School correspondence. Appointment letters. Calendar entries. Receipts. Screenshots saved at midnight because something felt important and you were frightened you might later forget it.

After several months, it is quite possible to have hundreds – perhaps thousands – of items stored across a phone, inbox and cloud account.

The instinct to preserve information is understandable. The problem comes when you need to explain what has actually happened to somebody else.

A folder containing 600 screenshots may contain important information, but it does not necessarily communicate it.

If you are preparing for a conversation with a mediator or solicitor, the objective should not be to present the largest possible archive. It should be to make the relevant history understandable.

That means moving from collection to chronology.

The screenshot problem

Imagine that you need to explain a disagreement about arrangements for your child.

You remember that it happened sometime in March. There were several WhatsApp conversations, an email from school and perhaps a photograph connected with it. You know you have everything somewhere. But where?

You begin searching your camera roll. Screenshot 184 leads to screenshot 185, which refers to an earlier conversation. Then you search WhatsApp. Then your email.

Twenty minutes later, you are reconstructing the event yourself. Now imagine asking a mediator or solicitor, who has never seen any of this before, to do the same thing.

This is the difference between having information and having a usable record.

Build the chronology first

A simple chronology can act as the index to everything else. Each entry need only answer a few basic questions:

When did it happen?
What happened?
Who was involved?
Is there supporting material?

An entry might look something like this:

12 March 2026 – Change to school collection

At 9.14 am I received a message asking whether I could collect our daughter from school instead of the previously agreed collection arrangement. I confirmed at 9.32 am that I could do so and collected her at approximately 3.20 pm.

Supporting material: WhatsApp conversation, 12 March 2026.

Nothing dramatic is required. In fact, the more factual the entry, the more useful it generally becomes.

Separate the event from your interpretation of it

This is one of the most important habits when organising records.

There is a considerable difference between writing: “He deliberately ignored my messages because he wanted to make things difficult.” and: “I sent messages at 10.14 am and 3.42 pm asking whether he could attend the appointment. I had not received a response by 6 pm.”

The first statement contains an interpretation of another person’s intentions. The second records observable events.

That distinction matters because your chronology should help another person understand what occurred without requiring them to adopt your interpretation of it. Words such as always, never, deliberately, manipulative and unreasonable can easily creep into notes written during stressful periods. Where possible, replace conclusions with the underlying event.

If somebody repeatedly cancelled arrangements, for example, you do not necessarily need to write that they were “unreliable”. Record the dates and what happened. The pattern, if there is one, can then speak for itself.

It is also sensible to write on the assumption that your chronology may one day be read by somebody other than you. Depending on the circumstances, material you create may later be seen by professionals involved in your case or potentially by the other parent. Keep the language factual, measured and something you would be comfortable having attributed to you. If you are unsure about confidentiality, disclosure or how particular records may be used, seek legal advice.

Give every source a home

Once the chronology exists, your screenshots and documents become supporting material rather than the story itself. A basic naming system can make an enormous difference:

2026-03-12 – WhatsApp – school collection
2026-03-18 – School email – attendance
2026-03-24 – Appointment letter – paediatric clinic
2026-04-02 – Email – Easter arrangements

The precise naming convention is less important than consistency. Dates are particularly useful because they naturally place files into chronological order.

The aim is simple: if somebody asks you for the material relating to an event six months ago, you should be able to find it without scrolling through your entire camera roll.

Not every disagreement needs an entry

For many separating parents, once record-keeping begins there can be a temptation to document everything: a late message, an unpleasant remark, a five-minute delay, or a disagreement that was resolved ten minutes later. Before adding something to a routine co-parenting chronology, it can therefore be useful to ask whether you are reasonably likely to need to remember it in six months, or whether it helps explain an issue that may actually need to be discussed.

If the answer to both is no, it may not need an entry. Good record-keeping is partly about preserving information; it is also about keeping the resulting record usable.

There is, however, an important exception.

Where safety or controlling behaviour is a concern

If you are experiencing abuse, coercive control, harassment, stalking or another pattern of behaviour that causes you concern for your or your children’s safety, the approach above may not be appropriate. A series of incidents that appears minor when each is viewed in isolation can sometimes be significant precisely because of the pattern it forms.

In those circumstances, recording events more comprehensively and as close to the time as you safely can may be important. Seek specialist or legal advice early about what to record, how to preserve it and, crucially, how to do so without increasing risk to yourself or your children. If keeping records on a particular device or account could itself put you at risk, prioritise your safety over any organisational system.

Include ordinary events where they provide context

In an ordinary co-parenting chronology, a record containing only conflict can unintentionally become a catalogue of grievances rather than an account of family life. Ordinary events can sometimes provide useful context: a handover happened as agreed, both parents attended a school event, a proposed schedule change was discussed and resolved, or an appointment took place without difficulty.

The purpose is accuracy, not building the strongest possible case against another person.

Again, this should not be treated as a rule for situations involving abuse or coercive control, where the appropriate approach to documentation may be quite different.

Keep the archive; prepare a smaller working pack

You do not necessarily need to delete anything simply because it is not immediately relevant. Instead, distinguish between your archive and your working pack.

The archive might contain hundreds of original messages, emails, photographs and documents. The working pack should be much smaller and tailored to the conversation you are about to have.

Before a mediation or solicitor meeting, it might contain:

a concise chronology covering the relevant period;
the key documents referred to within it;
any important dates or arrangements;
a short note identifying genuine gaps or uncertainties; and
the questions you actually need help resolving.

This changes the conversation. Instead of beginning with, “I have hundreds of screenshots I need to show you,” you can begin with: “These are the events I think are relevant. I’ve put them in date order, and I have the original material available if you need to see it.”

That is a much easier starting point for everybody.

Organise around the issue, not the relationship

If you are preparing for mediation about school arrangements, your entire history since separation may not be relevant to that discussion. The same applies to conversations about holidays, handovers, expenses or another particular issue.

Ask yourself: What question are we actually trying to resolve?

Then identify the events and material that help explain that question. This can be particularly important when emotions are understandably high. Separation is rarely experienced as a collection of neat, isolated problems; everything can feel connected. But a professional trying to help you may need to separate those strands.

Organising your working material around the issue at hand can help them do that. Where there are wider safety concerns or an alleged pattern of behaviour, however, tell the professional rather than deciding for yourself that the wider history is irrelevant.

Preserve the originals

Organisation should not mean rewriting history. Keep original emails, messages, photographs and documents wherever reasonably possible.

If you create a summary, recognise that it is a summary. If you quote a message, retain the original conversation. And if you are uncertain about something, say so.

I believe this happened around 4 March, although I do not have a contemporaneous record confirming the exact date.

That is preferable to creating certainty where none exists. Similarly, distinguish between something you personally witnessed and something somebody subsequently told you. Accuracy includes acknowledging the limits of your own record.

A chronology is an organisational tool, not a verdict

Perhaps the most important point is what a personal chronology cannot do.

It cannot determine somebody else’s intentions. It does not establish that every recorded allegation is true. And the fact that something has been saved does not automatically make it legally relevant or admissible.

Questions about evidence, privacy, recordings, disclosure, confidentiality or the legal significance of particular material should be discussed with an appropriately qualified professional in the relevant jurisdiction.

The purpose of organising your records is more modest – and more useful. It is to help you remember what happened, locate the original material and explain the relevant sequence of events clearly.

Clarity is the objective

During separation, collecting information can feel protective. But eventually there comes a point when another skill becomes important: editing.

Not editing the facts, but editing the volume.

Turning 600 screenshots into a chronology. Connecting relevant events to their original sources. And then taking what is actually useful into the conversation you are about to have.

For some parents, that will mean reducing a large archive to a relatively small working pack. For others – particularly where a wider pattern of behaviour or safety concern exists – it may mean preserving considerably more and seeking professional advice about how best to organise it.

A well-organised record does not need to tell somebody what conclusion to reach. It simply makes the history easier to understand.

And when a mediator or solicitor is trying to help you work through an already complicated situation, that clarity can be considerably more useful than another hundred unlabelled screenshots.

About Mielad Niekzad

Mielad Niekzad is the founder of Casewell, a private custody-journaling app for individual parents who want to keep child-related events and supporting material organised without requiring the other parent’s participation. Casewell is designed for private record-keeping rather than communication between co-parents.

Visit Casewell: https://getcasewell.com/

Mielad is not a solicitor and this article provides general information only. It does not constitute legal advice.

Family Court Leaves Children In Uncertainty For Nine Months
a classroom, a lecture, a lesson is going on, students are listening to the teacher, the teacher talks about the new theme of the lesson
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Family Court Leaves Children In Uncertainty For Nine Months

Alison Bull
Alison Bull
Partner
Mills & Reeve LLP
Donna Morgan
Donna Morgan
Counsellor and Therapist
Donna Morgan Counselling
Jane Ingleby
Jane Ingleby
Partner
Mills & Reeve LLP

 

 

 

 

 

 

Private law family court cases took an average of nine months to conclude over the last two years, meaning children involved in proceedings are effectively spending the equivalent of a full school year or around six summer holidays in legal limbo, new analysis reveals.

The research, conducted by leading law firm Mills & Reeve, used Freedom of Information requests submitted to HM Courts and Tribunals Service (HMCTS) to obtain detailed data on private family court cases across 2024 and 2025, including case volumes, duration, hearing rates and regional variation.

Across private law, the family courts dealt with 44,494 cases in 2024, with an average duration of 41.8 weeks and 2.5 hearings per case. In the first half of 2025, there were 20,075 cases, with an average duration of 39.7 weeks and 2.4 hearings per case.

Commenting on the findings, Alison Bull, partner at Mills & Reeve, said: “It’s clear that too many families are still facing significant delays in the family courts, with cases routinely lasting around nine months. For children, that is not just a legal process on paper, it’s the equivalent of a full school year spent in uncertainty or around six summer holidays. Research shows that outcomes for children and young people can be negatively affected by ongoing parental disagreement and conflict, which can further feed into that uncertainty.

“While there are some signs of modest improvement in parts of the system, overall progress remains limited and uneven. The picture continues to point to sustained pressure on the family courts, with persistent delays and variability in outcomes across different types of cases and regions, indicating that underlying challenges in capacity and timeliness have not yet been fully addressed.”

These delays can prolong disputes and make it more difficult for families to move forward, leaving children without stability or certainty while arrangements remain unresolved. Donna Morgan, an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families, said:

“In my experience, it’s often the uncertainty surrounding separation and divorce that has the greatest emotional impact on children. Children are remarkably resilient when they feel safe, informed and supported. However, when decisions remain unresolved for extended periods, children can be left feeling anxious, confused and emotionally unsettled.

“Children rely on stability and predictability to feel secure. When they are unsure where they will live or when they will see each parent, many begin to worry about things they cannot control. What they need is reassurance, consistency and confidence that the adults around them are working to protect their wellbeing. This can make a significant difference to a child’s emotional health both during separation and in the years that follow.”

Across both years, the North West remained the highest region for hearings per private law family court case across both 2024 and 2025, recording an average of 2.8. Meanwhile, London recorded the lowest average hearings per case in 2024 at 2.3, while Wales recorded the lowest average in 2025 at 2.1.

As a result of these delays, family arbitrations in England and Wales have doubled since 2023, according to figures from the Institute of Family Law Arbitrators. This followed a rule change in 2024 requiring parties to consider alternative forms of dispute resolution before proceeding to court.

Family arbitration is a private process used to resolve financial and children arrangement disputes when couples separate, providing a binding decision without the need for court proceedings where agreement cannot be reached through mediation or negotiation. It can be used to resolve disputes concerning children as well as financial matters.

Jane Ingleby, partner at Mills & Reeve, added: “When court timetables are stretched, families often benefit from considering alternative routes to resolution. Solutions like family arbitration offer a private and structured way to resolve disputes about finances and children without the delays of court. 

“It allows parties to choose an experienced decision-maker, set more flexible timetables and reach binding outcomes more quickly, while maintaining confidentiality. For many separating couples, it can provide a more efficient and focused way of resolving issues at what is often a very difficult time.”

Donna has also shared five tips for parents supporting children through separation:  

  • Provide age-appropriate honesty: Children need truthful information that is appropriate for their age and level of understanding. 
  • Maintain routines wherever possible: Regular routines around school, activities, mealtimes and bedtime help children feel secure.
  • Keep children out of adult conflict: Children should never feel responsible for managing communication between parents or be asked to take sides. 
  • Encourage emotional expression: Create opportunities for children to talk, ask questions, draw, play, or express their emotions in ways that feel comfortable and natural to them. 
  • Offer frequent reassurance: Remind them that the separation is not their fault and that the adults around them are working together to keep them safe and cared for.

Read more articles by Mills & Reeves LLP.

About Alison Bull

Alison is a highly experienced family mediator, financial and children arbitrator, and lawyer. She is passionate about sorting things out without attending court if possible, and used to handling complex, conflictual situations in England & Wales and internationally. She focuses on the bigger picture and the best interests of children, and is an effective litigator when required. Alison helps clients to agree parenting plans, and with issues about property, businesses, trusts, pensions and international assets. As well as working with individuals, she has conducted many cases working with separating couples who want to reach agreement together in mediation or with the advice of one lawyer.

About Donna Morgan

Donna Morgan is an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families. She specialises in anxiety, trauma, family relationships, separation and emotional wellbeing. Drawing on a humanistic and trauma-informed approach, Donna helps parents and children navigate significant life transitions with greater emotional safety, resilience and understanding.

Alongside her private practice in Surrey, Donna has extensive experience working within educational settings and supporting families through periods of change, conflict and emotional challenge. Her work focuses on helping parents better understand their children’s emotional needs while building healthier communication and stronger family relationships during times of transition.

About Jane Ingleby

Jane is a highly experienced family law solicitor, with a particular focus on complex financial and children matters. Her practice includes high-conflict child arrangements, allegations of alienating behaviours and domestic abuse, UK and international relocation and surrogacy.

She is also highly skilled in advising on the financial aspects of separation, especially in cases involving businesses and trusts. In addition, Jane provides expert guidance on wealth protection, including pre- and post-nuptial agreements.

Why Proposed Reforms are Vital to Financially Protect Cohabiting Couples
Happy young couple moving to new house together.
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Why Proposed Reforms are Vital to Financially Protect Cohabiting Couples

Katie Jennings
Katie Jennings
Solicitor
Jones Myers

Jones Myers niche family law firm  has been at the forefront of ongoing campaigns to overhaul outdated cohabitation laws which currently do not give couples living together legal protection or rights if they split up.    

This is a far cry from the situation with married couples, who, on separation, are safeguarded in crucial areas such as savings, income, pensions, property, business interests, and their children’s future.

We therefore embrace proposals at the heart of a Government consultation which seeks to protect cohabitants who are parting ways in areas including financial remedies – and in situations when one of them dies without leaving a will.

As a specialist family law firm we are frequently instructed by clients – who have been cohabiting and are unmarried or in a civil partnership – and who are unaware that they have no automatic rights to their partner’s property or savings when their relationship breaks down.   

The current situation can cause even more uncertainly when there are children from the relationship. 

As we await the outcome of the proposed changes, we suggest that cohabitees in this situation  obtain advice about their protections under the law – ideally before they move in together – or at any stage of their cohabiting relationship. 

More couples are entering into Cohabitation Agreements which set out how financial matters within the relationship will be managed . The contracts are especially useful documents in circumstances where people already own assets in their sole names or have made purchases with contributions from parents or from inheritance. They provide an essential roadmap for them to follow should they split up.  

It is important that each party seeks independent legal advice and discloses all financial information in the lead up to signing the agreement, which should be reviewed regularly.

Entered into correctly, a cohabitation agreement is legally binding and can be used as the framework for a Prenuptial Agreement should marriage be on the cards. 

Jones Myers is committed to helping our clients navigate these issues, whether through our team of specialist family lawyers or through our experienced mediation practitioners. 

More on the Government consultation, which closes on August 14, can be found here.  

For queries on cohabitation agreements or any areas of divorce and family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce

Jones Myers blog is ranked 5th in the 20 Best UK Family Law Blogs to Follow in 2026.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Katie Jennings

Katie is a member of Jones Myers’ award-winning Divorce and Financial Remedies Department. A family law specialist skilled in litigation, Katie is also a family mediator currently working towards accreditation with the Family Mediation Council. 

Committed to reaching solutions which avoid going to court, Katie was drawn to Jones Myers’ standing as  a leading niche family law firm with a focus on resolving relationship breakdown through non-confrontational routes. Katie is based at the York city centre offices of Jones Myers at The Quadrant, Bootham Row.   

The Digital Divorce: The Breakup Nobody Prepares You For

The Digital Divorce: The Breakup Nobody Prepares You For

Monika Braglewicz
Monika Braglewicz
Breakup and Divorce Coach
Coach With Monika

When people think about divorce, they usually picture the obvious milestones.

Finding somewhere new to live, speaking to a solicitor, working out finances, telling family and friends, learning how to co-parent. What they don’t picture is sitting alone at 11pm, scrolling through every app on their phone, quietly scrolling through years of shared digital life.

Yet for many people, that’s exactly what happens. I call it the digital divorce.

It’s the process of separating your online life from someone else’s. Removing them from shared accounts, changing passwords, updating emergency contacts, deciding what to do with thousands of photos.

These might sound like small jobs, but they often carry much more emotional weight than people expect.

It’s a part of separation that very few people talk about, despite the fact it’s becoming something almost everyone experiences.

When your phone won’t let you move on

Years ago, reminders of a relationship were mostly physical. A jumper left in the wardrobe, a wedding photo on the mantelpiece, a favourite restaurant you avoided for a while.

Today, our relationships exist just as much online as they do offline. Your ex might still be saved as “Home” in your Uber account.

Google Photos might decide today is the perfect day to remind you about a holiday you took together three years ago. Spotify is still asking whether you want to continue your Duo subscription. Your phone still autofills their address.

None of these things are big on their own. But together, they create a constant stream of unexpected reminders that can make it much harder to move on.

Why social media makes letting go harder

Then there’s social media. For many people, resisting the temptation to look at an ex-partner’s profile becomes one of the hardest parts of healing.

Research suggests between 60% and 70% of people admit checking an ex’s social media after a breakup, while some academic studies have found the figure could be as high as 88%. Psychologists often refer to this behaviour as digital surveillance or attachment monitoring, and research has consistently linked it with higher emotional distress and greater difficulty moving on.

It isn’t because people necessarily want their relationship back.

Sometimes they’re simply curious, sometimes they’re looking for reassurance they’ve made the right decision, sometimes they’re hoping to see signs that the other person isn’t coping either.

Whatever the reason, those quick checks often keep people emotionally connected to someone they’re trying to let go of. As a divorce coach, I hear clients describe this all the time.

They know looking isn’t helping them, but the urge can feel almost automatic. One look turns into five minutes. Five minutes turns into an evening spent analysing photographs, comments and who’s liked whose posts. It’s exhausting.

Healing isn’t just emotional anymore

One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed over the years is that healing after divorce isn’t only about processing emotions anymore.

It’s also about managing technology. Something as simple as changing your emergency contact can suddenly become emotional.

Removing someone from your medical records, taking them off your insurance policy or deleting them as your next of kin isn’t just administration. It’s another sign that your life has changed.

Even deciding what to do with old photographs can feel impossible. Some people want to delete everything immediately. Others can’t bear the thought of losing those memories, even though they know looking at them hurts. Neither response is wrong.

The important thing is recognising that these aren’t simply digital tasks. They’re emotional milestones, and they deserve the same patience and compassion you would give yourself in any other part of the divorce process.

Give yourself permission to do it step by step

One mistake people often make is believing they have to sort everything out in one weekend. In reality, the digital divorce can happen in stages.

Start with the practical things that protect your independence and security.

Change passwords, update emergency contacts, remove shared payment methods, review which apps still have access to your location or personal information.

Those changes aren’t about erasing someone from your life. They’re about creating healthy boundaries.

The more emotional tasks like deleting photographs can wait until you’re ready.

Creating space for what’s next

One of the ways I encourage clients to think about the digital divorce is this:

You’re not deleting your past, you’re creating space for your future.

Every account you separate, every password you update, they’re all small reminders that you’re rebuilding your own life.

That doesn’t diminish the relationship or pretend it never mattered, it just acknowledges that you’re making room for new routines, new memories and eventually, a new chapter.

You’re not the only one experiencing this

The hardest part about the digital divorce is that so many people go through it without realising it has a name.

Friends prepare you for the legal process. They prepare you for mediation, they prepare you for financial settlements.

Very few prepare you for the moment your phone unexpectedly reminds you of an anniversary you’d forgotten, or when Spotify asks whether you’d like to continue sharing your subscription.

These moments can feel surprisingly painful because they arrive without warning.

If you’ve found yourself caught off guard by something as simple as updating an app or seeing an old photograph appear on your screen, you’re not overreacting.

You’re experiencing a very modern part of separation that many people quietly struggle through. Healing today isn’t just about letting go emotionally. Sometimes it’s about gently logging out of the life you once shared, one password, one app and one small digital thread at a time.

About Monika Braglewicz

Monika is an accredited breakup and divorce coach who helps people navigate relationship change with clarity, confidence and compassion. Having overcome divorce, financial hardship and homelessness herself, she combines lived experience with professional coaching to support clients through separation, co-parenting, heartbreak and life after divorce, helping them rebuild with resilience and purpose.

Looking Beyond the Settlement: Why Financial Planning Matters Early in Divorce

Looking Beyond the Settlement: Why Financial Planning Matters Early in Divorce

Damion Keyworth
Damion Keyworth
Financial Advisor
Perspective Financial Group Limited

Separation and divorce are among life’s biggest transitions. Alongside the emotional challenges come important decisions about your home, your finances and your future.

Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of helping many people navigate this journey. One thing I’ve seen time and again is that the earlier financial planning becomes part of the conversation, the more confidence people have in the decisions they make.

Many people understandably begin by speaking to a family solicitor. Legal advice is essential, but financial planning can add another valuable perspective by helping answer a simple question:

“Will the decisions I make today still work for me five, ten or twenty years from now?”

Looking Beyond the Numbers

A financial settlement may appear fair on paper, but that doesn’t always mean it will provide long-term financial security.

Two people may leave a marriage with assets of a similar value yet experience very different financial futures depending on their income, housing costs, pensions, tax position, childcare responsibilities and retirement plans.

This is where financial planning can make a real difference.

Rather than focusing solely on how assets are divided, we look at how those assets will support your life in the years ahead. Using cashflow forecasting, we can model different settlement options and explore what they might mean over the long term.

For example, it’s perfectly understandable that someone may wish to remain in the family home because it offers stability during an uncertain time. However, careful planning may show that maintaining the property could place pressure on future income or retirement plans. Equally, pension arrangements that seem reasonable today may have unintended consequences later in life.

Having this insight before decisions are finalised allows people to make informed choices with greater confidence.

Working Together for Better Outcomes

In my experience, the best outcomes happen when financial planning is introduced alongside legal advice rather than after most of the important decisions have already been made.

Family solicitors play a vital role in helping clients achieve a fair legal settlement. Mortgage advisers help assess borrowing options and affordability. Divorce coaches provide invaluable emotional support throughout what is often a very difficult period.

A financial planner brings these conversations together by considering how each decision affects your long-term financial wellbeing.

It’s not about replacing the expertise of other professionals. It’s about complementing it.

Bringing the Future into Focus

One of the most valuable tools available during divorce is cashflow forecasting.

Instead of focusing only on today’s assets, it allows you to see how your finances may develop over the next five, ten or even twenty years.

It can help answer questions such as:

  • Will my income be enough?
  • Can I realistically afford to keep my home?
  • When will my pensions become available?
  • How might inflation affect my future spending?
  • Will I have enough to enjoy the retirement I want?

Sometimes the analysis provides reassurance that a proposed settlement is sustainable. On other occasions, it highlights areas that may benefit from further discussion before agreements are finalised.

Either way, it gives people greater clarity at a time when certainty can feel in short supply.

A Collaborative Approach

One aspect of my work that I particularly enjoy is working alongside other professionals who support people through separation and divorce.

I regularly attend a local networking group where family solicitors, mortgage advisers, divorce coaches and other specialists come together to share knowledge and discuss how we can improve the experience for the people we all support.

Those conversations reinforce something I strongly believe: no single professional sees the whole picture.

When advisers work collaboratively, clients benefit from clearer communication, fewer unexpected issues and advice that considers both the immediate settlement and the life that follows.

After all, divorce isn’t simply a legal process. It’s the beginning of a new financial chapter.

About Damion Keyworth

I help people make confident, well-informed financial decisions so they can live the lifestyle they want — not just when they retire, but throughout life.

My approach:
• Listen carefully to your goals and priorities
• Clarify your current financial position
• Explore the lifestyle you have today and the one you want tomorrow
• Create a clear financial plan to bridge the gap
• Review regularly so the plan keeps working as life changes

“It’s not all about the money — it’s about lifestyle. Doing the things you want to do while you’re fit and healthy enough to do them.”

Only once we’ve understood your life and goals do we consider whether financial products are needed to support the plan.

I also specialise in financial planning around separation and divorce. Having written “Financial Planning & Divorce”, I understand how complex pensions, assets, and lifestyle choices become during this time.

My aim is to work collaboratively with solicitors, mediators, and other professionals to ensure clients make informed financial decisions at every stage of the process. If this is an area where you’d like support — whether as a client or a professional partner — please feel free to connect.

I’m a Pension/Retirement Specialist with over 20 years’ experience, a member of the CII, CISI and Resolution. Backed by Perspective Financial Group — one of the UK’s leading national financial planning and wealth management firms with 36 offices and 450+ staff — I bring both local understanding and national expertise.

You only get one life. Let’s make it count.

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