going through divorce

Separated But Still Married: Who Inherits If You Die During a Divorce?

Published on October 16, 2026September 17, 2026

If you’re halfway through a divorce, you probably already think of your husband or wife as your ex.

You may be living in separate houses, your finances might already be separate and you could be well into discussions about who keeps the house and how everything else will be divided.

Legally, though, there’s an awkward gap between deciding your marriage is over and actually being divorced.

Until you receive your Final Order – the document that officially ends your marriage – you’re still married. If either of you dies before that happens, it can change what happens to your money and property quite considerably.

Your divorce stops if one of you dies

If you or your spouse dies before the divorce is final, the divorce process comes to an end. It might sound obvious, but you can’t divorce somebody who has died.

The more complicated question is what happens to everything you were in the middle of sorting out. The house, savings and other assets don’t necessarily get divided in the way you’d been discussing, even if you’d already spent months working towards an agreement.

Instead, inheritance law can suddenly become part of the picture.

Your soon-to-be ex could still inherit from you

Starting a divorce doesn’t automatically remove your spouse from your will.

Say you wrote a will ten years ago leaving most of your estate to your husband or wife. You separate, start getting divorced and changing the will is one of those jobs you promise yourself you’ll get round to.

If you die before you do, that old will could still dictate where your money goes.

It’s why I’d put reviewing your will fairly high on the financial to-do list when you separate. You may decide you’re happy with it as it is, but you don’t want to find out too late that a will written when your circumstances were completely different is still deciding who inherits.

What if you don’t have a will?

This is probably the part that catches most people by surprise.

If you die without a valid will, legal rules decide who receives your estate. They’re known as the intestacy rules, but the important bit is much simpler: if you’re still legally married, your estranged husband or wife can still inherit.

In some circumstances, they could inherit everything. You could have been separated for a year, living completely separate lives and be months into the divorce process. As far as both of you are concerned, the marriage is over. But if the Final Order hasn’t been made, legally it isn’t.

The house can be different again

It’s also worth checking exactly how you own your home. If you own it together as joint tenants, your share will usually pass automatically to the other owner when you die, regardless of what your will says. If you own it as tenants in common, you each own a share that can be left to someone in your will.

You don’t need to know the ins and outs of property law. There’s one question I’d ask your solicitor: “If I died tomorrow, what would happen to my share of our house?”

That should quickly tell you whether there’s anything you need to change.

What about the financial settlement you were working towards?

This is another reason not to assume that everything you’ve already agreed will carry on as planned.

You might have spent months discussing the house, savings, pensions and other assets. Maybe you were expecting a lump sum as part of the divorce.

If your spouse dies before everything is completed, that agreement won’t necessarily go ahead in the way you expected.

Depending on how far things have progressed, you may need advice about whether you can make a claim against your spouse’s estate instead.

There are laws that allow certain people, including a surviving husband or wife, to make a claim if they haven’t been left with reasonable financial support. The details matter enormously here, so this is something I’d speak to an inheritance solicitor about rather than trying to second-guess what you’re entitled to.

A few questions worth asking now

Nobody going through a divorce particularly wants another list of admin to deal with. But while you’re talking about the house, savings and what happens next, I’d make sure you’ve covered what happens if one of you dies too.

Does your current will still reflect what you want? What happens to your share of the house? Are there pensions, life insurance policies or death-in-service benefits that need reviewing? And what would happen financially if either of you died before the Final Order?

Hopefully, none of it ever becomes relevant.

But while divorce naturally gets you thinking about what happens when your marriage ends, it’s worth remembering that, until you have that Final Order, legally it hasn’t ended yet.

About Steve Gauke

Steve Gauke is Managing Director of Provira, the UK’s leading specialist provider of probate finance. He joined Provira in 2022 and has played a central role in its growth, helping establish the business as the UK’s major provider of inheritance and estate advances for beneficiaries, executors and professional advisers.

Divorce Law UK/Divorce News/Financial and Legal Advice

When One Household Becomes Two: The Retirement Crisis Hidden Inside Divorce

Published on September 17, 2026September 17, 2026

Sarah Hawkins
CEO
National Family Mediation (NFM)

Every September, Pensions Awareness Week encourages us to think about our future. We are reminded to check our pension statements, review our retirement savings and ask ourselves whether we are putting enough aside to enjoy the retirement we hope for.

They are important conversations, but I believe we are overlooking another one.

What happens to those carefully made retirement plans when a marriage ends?

At National Family Mediation, we are seeing a growing number of people in their fifties seeking support as they navigate separation. Around one in ten enquiries we received between April 2025 and March 2026 came from people aged over 50. That tells me something important. Later-life separation is no longer a niche issue; it reflects the changing reality of modern family life.

I’ve never been particularly fond of the phrase “grey divorce”. It conjures images of couples quietly separating after retirement, with grown-up children, mortgage-free homes and relatively straightforward finances.

That simply isn’t what we see.

Today’s fifty-somethings are often still paying mortgages, helping children through university, supporting adult children who cannot yet afford to leave home and, increasingly, caring for ageing parents. Many still have another ten or fifteen years of work ahead of them. They are making decisions about school fees, university costs, housing and day-to-day household finances long before they are thinking seriously about retirement.

Those immediate pressures naturally dominate conversations when relationships break down.

People come to mediation to work through the practical realities of separation: what happens to the family home, how ongoing financial commitments will be managed, whether children can still be supported through education and how both people can move forward on secure financial footing.

Pensions are rarely the first thing people mention.

Yet once the wider financial picture is laid out, they quickly become one of the most important parts of the conversation.

For couples over 50, pensions form part of almost every financial mediation we facilitate because they sit alongside housing, mortgages, savings, investments and debt as part of a complete financial settlement. By this stage of life, a pension is often one of the largest assets a couple has accumulated, sometimes worth more than the family home itself.

The irony is that while retirement may still feel years away, this is often the point at which pension decisions matter most. After decades of saving, pension pots have had time to grow, but they are rarely equal.

Career breaks to raise children, periods spent caring for relatives, part-time working, differences in earnings and, for some families, disruption to careers during the pandemic have all influenced how much people have been able to save. That means pension wealth can vary significantly between partners, making it one of the most valuable – and often most misunderstood – assets to consider.

Looking only at today’s financial pressures can mean overlooking the asset that will shape tomorrow’s financial security.

The full new State Pension is currently worth just over £12,500 a year, and not everyone will receive that amount. Entitlement depends on an individual’s National Insurance record, meaning career breaks, caring responsibilities and periods of part-time work can all affect what someone ultimately receives.

Even for those entitled to the full amount, the State Pension alone is unlikely to provide the retirement most people would hope for. According to the current Retirement Living Standards, a single person now needs around £13,900 a year simply to achieve a minimum standard of living in retirement, while a two-person household requires around £22,500. Those figures represent a basic standard of living rather than a comfortable one.

Meanwhile, the wider outlook for retirement is becoming increasingly challenging. Pensions UK estimates that one in five workers is projected to fall short of even the minimum Retirement Living Standard. The FCA says that around 2.8 million people are carrying persistent credit card debt, while it’s 2024 Financial Lives Survey found that more than 3.8 million retirees worry that their money will not last throughout retirement.

We are also living longer. The ONS says that a woman reaching the age of 65 in the 2030s can expect to live until around 89, while a man can expect to live to around 87. Many more people will live well into their nineties, with growing numbers celebrating their 100th birthday. Longer lives are something to celebrate, but they also mean retirement savings need to stretch much further than previous generations ever imagined.

Housing is changing too. Pensions UK projects that by 2030, more than one in ten people aged over 65 will be living in privately rented accommodation. For many, retirement will no longer mean living mortgage-free in a home they own outright. Instead, it may involve paying rent alongside rising energy bills, higher food costs and all the other financial pressures that have become familiar during the cost-of-living crisis.

Taken together, these trends paint a sobering picture. Retirement security is becoming harder to achieve at precisely the moment when later-life separation is becoming more financially complex.

Nobody likes the thought of sharing a pension they have spent decades building. That is entirely understandable. People have worked hard, contributed throughout their careers and naturally want to protect the future they have planned.

But perhaps there is another question worth asking.

Most people also do not want someone they once loved to spend retirement worrying about whether they can afford to heat their home, pay the weekly food shop or cope with an unexpected bill. This is not about suggesting that every pension should be divided equally or that one person should sacrifice their own future for the other. Every family is different, every financial picture is unique and every settlement should reflect those circumstances.

What matters is that decisions are made with a full understanding of their long-term consequences.

Too often, pensions are traded against other assets without fully appreciating what they represent. Keeping a greater share of the equity in the family home may feel like the better outcome today, but twenty years later it may be pension income – not bricks and mortar – that determines whether someone enjoys financial independence or faces financial insecurity.

That is why mediation has such an important role to play. It creates the space for practical, informed conversations about the whole financial picture, including pensions, property, savings, mortgages, investments and debt. Rather than focusing solely on who gets what, mediation helps couples understand the implications of the choices they are making so they can reach fair, informed agreements that give both people the best possible chance of financial security in later life.

These conversations are rarely easy, but they are essential. Every pound spent on unnecessary conflict is a pound that cannot be invested in retirement, housing or supporting the next generation.

For years, we have encouraged people to save more for retirement, and rightly so. But perhaps Pensions Awareness Week should also remind us that protecting our retirement is about more than increasing our pension contributions. It is also about making informed decisions when life takes an unexpected turn.

We cannot change the housing market. We cannot immediately reverse the cost-of-living crisis. We cannot stop people living longer, nor should we want to. What we can do is ensure that when relationships end, people understand the long-term financial consequences of the decisions they make.

If we are serious about tackling pension insecurity, we need to recognise that later-life divorce is no longer simply a family law issue. It is increasingly a retirement planning issue too.

Divorce marks the end of a relationship, but it should never become the beginning of avoidable financial hardship in later life. If this Pensions Awareness Week encourages separating couples to understand the true value of their pensions before making life-changing decisions, it will have achieved something that benefits not only today’s families, but the society we are all growing older in.

About Sarah Hawkins

Sarah Hawkins is the CEO of National Family Mediation (NFM), the largest provider of family mediation services in England and Wales. A passionate advocate for conflict resolution and family wellbeing, Sarah has over 20 years of experience helping families navigate the emotional and legal challenges of separation and divorce.

www.nfm.org.uk | info@nfm.org.uk | @FamilyMediationNFM

Coping with Divorce

From Screenshot Pile to Working Chronology: Preparing for a Solicitor or Mediator

Published on September 9, 2026September 8, 2026

Mielad Niekzad
Platform Engineer
Casewell

Separation has a habit of producing an enormous digital archive.

WhatsApp messages. Emails. Photographs. School correspondence. Appointment letters. Calendar entries. Receipts. Screenshots saved at midnight because something felt important and you were frightened you might later forget it.

After several months, it is quite possible to have hundreds – perhaps thousands – of items stored across a phone, inbox and cloud account.

The instinct to preserve information is understandable. The problem comes when you need to explain what has actually happened to somebody else.

A folder containing 600 screenshots may contain important information, but it does not necessarily communicate it.

If you are preparing for a conversation with a mediator or solicitor, the objective should not be to present the largest possible archive. It should be to make the relevant history understandable.

That means moving from collection to chronology.

The screenshot problem

Imagine that you need to explain a disagreement about arrangements for your child.

You remember that it happened sometime in March. There were several WhatsApp conversations, an email from school and perhaps a photograph connected with it. You know you have everything somewhere. But where?

You begin searching your camera roll. Screenshot 184 leads to screenshot 185, which refers to an earlier conversation. Then you search WhatsApp. Then your email.

Twenty minutes later, you are reconstructing the event yourself. Now imagine asking a mediator or solicitor, who has never seen any of this before, to do the same thing.

This is the difference between having information and having a usable record.

Build the chronology first

A simple chronology can act as the index to everything else. Each entry need only answer a few basic questions:

When did it happen?
What happened?
Who was involved?
Is there supporting material?

An entry might look something like this:

12 March 2026 – Change to school collection

At 9.14 am I received a message asking whether I could collect our daughter from school instead of the previously agreed collection arrangement. I confirmed at 9.32 am that I could do so and collected her at approximately 3.20 pm.

Supporting material: WhatsApp conversation, 12 March 2026.

Nothing dramatic is required. In fact, the more factual the entry, the more useful it generally becomes.

Separate the event from your interpretation of it

This is one of the most important habits when organising records.

There is a considerable difference between writing: “He deliberately ignored my messages because he wanted to make things difficult.” and: “I sent messages at 10.14 am and 3.42 pm asking whether he could attend the appointment. I had not received a response by 6 pm.”

The first statement contains an interpretation of another person’s intentions. The second records observable events.

That distinction matters because your chronology should help another person understand what occurred without requiring them to adopt your interpretation of it. Words such as always, never, deliberately, manipulative and unreasonable can easily creep into notes written during stressful periods. Where possible, replace conclusions with the underlying event.

If somebody repeatedly cancelled arrangements, for example, you do not necessarily need to write that they were “unreliable”. Record the dates and what happened. The pattern, if there is one, can then speak for itself.

It is also sensible to write on the assumption that your chronology may one day be read by somebody other than you. Depending on the circumstances, material you create may later be seen by professionals involved in your case or potentially by the other parent. Keep the language factual, measured and something you would be comfortable having attributed to you. If you are unsure about confidentiality, disclosure or how particular records may be used, seek legal advice.

Give every source a home

Once the chronology exists, your screenshots and documents become supporting material rather than the story itself. A basic naming system can make an enormous difference:

2026-03-12 – WhatsApp – school collection
2026-03-18 – School email – attendance
2026-03-24 – Appointment letter – paediatric clinic
2026-04-02 – Email – Easter arrangements

The precise naming convention is less important than consistency. Dates are particularly useful because they naturally place files into chronological order.

The aim is simple: if somebody asks you for the material relating to an event six months ago, you should be able to find it without scrolling through your entire camera roll.

Not every disagreement needs an entry

For many separating parents, once record-keeping begins there can be a temptation to document everything: a late message, an unpleasant remark, a five-minute delay, or a disagreement that was resolved ten minutes later. Before adding something to a routine co-parenting chronology, it can therefore be useful to ask whether you are reasonably likely to need to remember it in six months, or whether it helps explain an issue that may actually need to be discussed.

If the answer to both is no, it may not need an entry. Good record-keeping is partly about preserving information; it is also about keeping the resulting record usable.

There is, however, an important exception.

Where safety or controlling behaviour is a concern

If you are experiencing abuse, coercive control, harassment, stalking or another pattern of behaviour that causes you concern for your or your children’s safety, the approach above may not be appropriate. A series of incidents that appears minor when each is viewed in isolation can sometimes be significant precisely because of the pattern it forms.

In those circumstances, recording events more comprehensively and as close to the time as you safely can may be important. Seek specialist or legal advice early about what to record, how to preserve it and, crucially, how to do so without increasing risk to yourself or your children. If keeping records on a particular device or account could itself put you at risk, prioritise your safety over any organisational system.

Include ordinary events where they provide context

In an ordinary co-parenting chronology, a record containing only conflict can unintentionally become a catalogue of grievances rather than an account of family life. Ordinary events can sometimes provide useful context: a handover happened as agreed, both parents attended a school event, a proposed schedule change was discussed and resolved, or an appointment took place without difficulty.

The purpose is accuracy, not building the strongest possible case against another person.

Again, this should not be treated as a rule for situations involving abuse or coercive control, where the appropriate approach to documentation may be quite different.

Keep the archive; prepare a smaller working pack

You do not necessarily need to delete anything simply because it is not immediately relevant. Instead, distinguish between your archive and your working pack.

The archive might contain hundreds of original messages, emails, photographs and documents. The working pack should be much smaller and tailored to the conversation you are about to have.

Before a mediation or solicitor meeting, it might contain:

a concise chronology covering the relevant period;
the key documents referred to within it;
any important dates or arrangements;
a short note identifying genuine gaps or uncertainties; and
the questions you actually need help resolving.

This changes the conversation. Instead of beginning with, “I have hundreds of screenshots I need to show you,” you can begin with: “These are the events I think are relevant. I’ve put them in date order, and I have the original material available if you need to see it.”

That is a much easier starting point for everybody.

Organise around the issue, not the relationship

If you are preparing for mediation about school arrangements, your entire history since separation may not be relevant to that discussion. The same applies to conversations about holidays, handovers, expenses or another particular issue.

Ask yourself: What question are we actually trying to resolve?

Then identify the events and material that help explain that question. This can be particularly important when emotions are understandably high. Separation is rarely experienced as a collection of neat, isolated problems; everything can feel connected. But a professional trying to help you may need to separate those strands.

Organising your working material around the issue at hand can help them do that. Where there are wider safety concerns or an alleged pattern of behaviour, however, tell the professional rather than deciding for yourself that the wider history is irrelevant.

Preserve the originals

Organisation should not mean rewriting history. Keep original emails, messages, photographs and documents wherever reasonably possible.

If you create a summary, recognise that it is a summary. If you quote a message, retain the original conversation. And if you are uncertain about something, say so.

I believe this happened around 4 March, although I do not have a contemporaneous record confirming the exact date.

That is preferable to creating certainty where none exists. Similarly, distinguish between something you personally witnessed and something somebody subsequently told you. Accuracy includes acknowledging the limits of your own record.

A chronology is an organisational tool, not a verdict

Perhaps the most important point is what a personal chronology cannot do.

It cannot determine somebody else’s intentions. It does not establish that every recorded allegation is true. And the fact that something has been saved does not automatically make it legally relevant or admissible.

Questions about evidence, privacy, recordings, disclosure, confidentiality or the legal significance of particular material should be discussed with an appropriately qualified professional in the relevant jurisdiction.

The purpose of organising your records is more modest – and more useful. It is to help you remember what happened, locate the original material and explain the relevant sequence of events clearly.

Clarity is the objective

During separation, collecting information can feel protective. But eventually there comes a point when another skill becomes important: editing.

Not editing the facts, but editing the volume.

Turning 600 screenshots into a chronology. Connecting relevant events to their original sources. And then taking what is actually useful into the conversation you are about to have.

For some parents, that will mean reducing a large archive to a relatively small working pack. For others – particularly where a wider pattern of behaviour or safety concern exists – it may mean preserving considerably more and seeking professional advice about how best to organise it.

A well-organised record does not need to tell somebody what conclusion to reach. It simply makes the history easier to understand.

And when a mediator or solicitor is trying to help you work through an already complicated situation, that clarity can be considerably more useful than another hundred unlabelled screenshots.

About Mielad Niekzad

Mielad Niekzad is the founder of Casewell, a private custody-journaling app for individual parents who want to keep child-related events and supporting material organised without requiring the other parent’s participation. Casewell is designed for private record-keeping rather than communication between co-parents.

Visit Casewell: https://getcasewell.com/

Mielad is not a solicitor and this article provides general information only. It does not constitute legal advice.

Children of Divorce/Divorce Law UK/Divorce News

Family Court Leaves Children In Uncertainty For Nine Months

Published on August 28, 2026August 17, 2026

Donna Morgan
Counsellor and Therapist
Donna Morgan Counselling

Private law family court cases took an average of nine months to conclude over the last two years, meaning children involved in proceedings are effectively spending the equivalent of a full school year or around six summer holidays in legal limbo, new analysis reveals.

The research, conducted by leading law firm Mills & Reeve, used Freedom of Information requests submitted to HM Courts and Tribunals Service (HMCTS) to obtain detailed data on private family court cases across 2024 and 2025, including case volumes, duration, hearing rates and regional variation.

Across private law, the family courts dealt with 44,494 cases in 2024, with an average duration of 41.8 weeks and 2.5 hearings per case. In the first half of 2025, there were 20,075 cases, with an average duration of 39.7 weeks and 2.4 hearings per case.

Commenting on the findings, Alison Bull, partner at Mills & Reeve, said: “It’s clear that too many families are still facing significant delays in the family courts, with cases routinely lasting around nine months. For children, that is not just a legal process on paper, it’s the equivalent of a full school year spent in uncertainty or around six summer holidays. Research shows that outcomes for children and young people can be negatively affected by ongoing parental disagreement and conflict, which can further feed into that uncertainty.

“While there are some signs of modest improvement in parts of the system, overall progress remains limited and uneven. The picture continues to point to sustained pressure on the family courts, with persistent delays and variability in outcomes across different types of cases and regions, indicating that underlying challenges in capacity and timeliness have not yet been fully addressed.”

These delays can prolong disputes and make it more difficult for families to move forward, leaving children without stability or certainty while arrangements remain unresolved. Donna Morgan, an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families, said:

“In my experience, it’s often the uncertainty surrounding separation and divorce that has the greatest emotional impact on children. Children are remarkably resilient when they feel safe, informed and supported. However, when decisions remain unresolved for extended periods, children can be left feeling anxious, confused and emotionally unsettled.

“Children rely on stability and predictability to feel secure. When they are unsure where they will live or when they will see each parent, many begin to worry about things they cannot control. What they need is reassurance, consistency and confidence that the adults around them are working to protect their wellbeing. This can make a significant difference to a child’s emotional health both during separation and in the years that follow.”

Across both years, the North West remained the highest region for hearings per private law family court case across both 2024 and 2025, recording an average of 2.8. Meanwhile, London recorded the lowest average hearings per case in 2024 at 2.3, while Wales recorded the lowest average in 2025 at 2.1.

As a result of these delays, family arbitrations in England and Wales have doubled since 2023, according to figures from the Institute of Family Law Arbitrators. This followed a rule change in 2024 requiring parties to consider alternative forms of dispute resolution before proceeding to court.

Family arbitration is a private process used to resolve financial and children arrangement disputes when couples separate, providing a binding decision without the need for court proceedings where agreement cannot be reached through mediation or negotiation. It can be used to resolve disputes concerning children as well as financial matters.

Jane Ingleby, partner at Mills & Reeve, added: “When court timetables are stretched, families often benefit from considering alternative routes to resolution. Solutions like family arbitration offer a private and structured way to resolve disputes about finances and children without the delays of court.

“It allows parties to choose an experienced decision-maker, set more flexible timetables and reach binding outcomes more quickly, while maintaining confidentiality. For many separating couples, it can provide a more efficient and focused way of resolving issues at what is often a very difficult time.”

Donna has also shared five tips for parents supporting children through separation:

Provide age-appropriate honesty: Children need truthful information that is appropriate for their age and level of understanding.
Maintain routines wherever possible: Regular routines around school, activities, mealtimes and bedtime help children feel secure.
Keep children out of adult conflict: Children should never feel responsible for managing communication between parents or be asked to take sides.
Encourage emotional expression: Create opportunities for children to talk, ask questions, draw, play, or express their emotions in ways that feel comfortable and natural to them.
Offer frequent reassurance: Remind them that the separation is not their fault and that the adults around them are working together to keep them safe and cared for.

About Alison Bull

Alison is a highly experienced family mediator, financial and children arbitrator, and lawyer. She is passionate about sorting things out without attending court if possible, and used to handling complex, conflictual situations in England & Wales and internationally. She focuses on the bigger picture and the best interests of children, and is an effective litigator when required. Alison helps clients to agree parenting plans, and with issues about property, businesses, trusts, pensions and international assets. As well as working with individuals, she has conducted many cases working with separating couples who want to reach agreement together in mediation or with the advice of one lawyer.

About Donna Morgan

Donna Morgan is an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families. She specialises in anxiety, trauma, family relationships, separation and emotional wellbeing. Drawing on a humanistic and trauma-informed approach, Donna helps parents and children navigate significant life transitions with greater emotional safety, resilience and understanding.

Alongside her private practice in Surrey, Donna has extensive experience working within educational settings and supporting families through periods of change, conflict and emotional challenge. Her work focuses on helping parents better understand their children’s emotional needs while building healthier communication and stronger family relationships during times of transition.

About Jane Ingleby

Jane is a highly experienced family law solicitor, with a particular focus on complex financial and children matters. Her practice includes high-conflict child arrangements, allegations of alienating behaviours and domestic abuse, UK and international relocation and surrogacy.

She is also highly skilled in advising on the financial aspects of separation, especially in cases involving businesses and trusts. In addition, Jane provides expert guidance on wealth protection, including pre- and post-nuptial agreements.

Moving On

The Digital Divorce: The Breakup Nobody Prepares You For

Published on August 12, 2026August 4, 2026

Monika Braglewicz
Breakup and Divorce Coach
Coach With Monika

When people think about divorce, they usually picture the obvious milestones.

Finding somewhere new to live, speaking to a solicitor, working out finances, telling family and friends, learning how to co-parent. What they don’t picture is sitting alone at 11pm, scrolling through every app on their phone, quietly scrolling through years of shared digital life.

Yet for many people, that’s exactly what happens. I call it the digital divorce.

It’s the process of separating your online life from someone else’s. Removing them from shared accounts, changing passwords, updating emergency contacts, deciding what to do with thousands of photos.

These might sound like small jobs, but they often carry much more emotional weight than people expect.

It’s a part of separation that very few people talk about, despite the fact it’s becoming something almost everyone experiences.

When your phone won’t let you move on

Years ago, reminders of a relationship were mostly physical. A jumper left in the wardrobe, a wedding photo on the mantelpiece, a favourite restaurant you avoided for a while.

Today, our relationships exist just as much online as they do offline. Your ex might still be saved as “Home” in your Uber account.

Google Photos might decide today is the perfect day to remind you about a holiday you took together three years ago. Spotify is still asking whether you want to continue your Duo subscription. Your phone still autofills their address.

None of these things are big on their own. But together, they create a constant stream of unexpected reminders that can make it much harder to move on.

Why social media makes letting go harder

Then there’s social media. For many people, resisting the temptation to look at an ex-partner’s profile becomes one of the hardest parts of healing.

Research suggests between 60% and 70% of people admit checking an ex’s social media after a breakup, while some academic studies have found the figure could be as high as 88%. Psychologists often refer to this behaviour as digital surveillance or attachment monitoring, and research has consistently linked it with higher emotional distress and greater difficulty moving on.

It isn’t because people necessarily want their relationship back.

Sometimes they’re simply curious, sometimes they’re looking for reassurance they’ve made the right decision, sometimes they’re hoping to see signs that the other person isn’t coping either.

Whatever the reason, those quick checks often keep people emotionally connected to someone they’re trying to let go of. As a divorce coach, I hear clients describe this all the time.

They know looking isn’t helping them, but the urge can feel almost automatic. One look turns into five minutes. Five minutes turns into an evening spent analysing photographs, comments and who’s liked whose posts. It’s exhausting.

Healing isn’t just emotional anymore

One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed over the years is that healing after divorce isn’t only about processing emotions anymore.

It’s also about managing technology. Something as simple as changing your emergency contact can suddenly become emotional.

Removing someone from your medical records, taking them off your insurance policy or deleting them as your next of kin isn’t just administration. It’s another sign that your life has changed.

Even deciding what to do with old photographs can feel impossible. Some people want to delete everything immediately. Others can’t bear the thought of losing those memories, even though they know looking at them hurts. Neither response is wrong.

The important thing is recognising that these aren’t simply digital tasks. They’re emotional milestones, and they deserve the same patience and compassion you would give yourself in any other part of the divorce process.

Give yourself permission to do it step by step

One mistake people often make is believing they have to sort everything out in one weekend. In reality, the digital divorce can happen in stages.

Start with the practical things that protect your independence and security.

Change passwords, update emergency contacts, remove shared payment methods, review which apps still have access to your location or personal information.

Those changes aren’t about erasing someone from your life. They’re about creating healthy boundaries.

The more emotional tasks like deleting photographs can wait until you’re ready.

Creating space for what’s next

One of the ways I encourage clients to think about the digital divorce is this:

You’re not deleting your past, you’re creating space for your future.

Every account you separate, every password you update, they’re all small reminders that you’re rebuilding your own life.

That doesn’t diminish the relationship or pretend it never mattered, it just acknowledges that you’re making room for new routines, new memories and eventually, a new chapter.

You’re not the only one experiencing this

The hardest part about the digital divorce is that so many people go through it without realising it has a name.

Friends prepare you for the legal process. They prepare you for mediation, they prepare you for financial settlements.

Very few prepare you for the moment your phone unexpectedly reminds you of an anniversary you’d forgotten, or when Spotify asks whether you’d like to continue sharing your subscription.

These moments can feel surprisingly painful because they arrive without warning.

If you’ve found yourself caught off guard by something as simple as updating an app or seeing an old photograph appear on your screen, you’re not overreacting.

You’re experiencing a very modern part of separation that many people quietly struggle through. Healing today isn’t just about letting go emotionally. Sometimes it’s about gently logging out of the life you once shared, one password, one app and one small digital thread at a time.

About Monika Braglewicz

Monika is an accredited breakup and divorce coach who helps people navigate relationship change with clarity, confidence and compassion. Having overcome divorce, financial hardship and homelessness herself, she combines lived experience with professional coaching to support clients through separation, co-parenting, heartbreak and life after divorce, helping them rebuild with resilience and purpose.

Coping with Divorce

Splitting Personal Property in Divorce

Published on June 22, 2026June 15, 2026

Wendi Schuller
Dating Coach
Author of the Global Guide to Divorce

One of the most difficult aspects of divorce can be spitting assets. This can be quite emotional, particularly when treasured items were given to you both as a couple. Over the years. people have shared what works and their biggest regrets.

Marital Home

This is tricky – whether one stays and buys the other out, or the place is sold. A concern can be to have less upheaval for children and let them remain in the marital home with one parent. This can backfire in an acrimonious break-up.

An example of this is Annabel’s situation. Her husband wanted to remain in the marital home with the two teens. Although her intuition screamed it was a bad idea, she agreed. The kids came home from various after school activities and did not want to leave the house and have dinner with her. The daughter refused visitation, claiming she was too tired. The son ended up going on some weekends and has a good relationship with his mum.

Annabel found out later in family counselling that John was telling the daughter in particular, “Your mum left us. She wants a new life.” Her brother blew it off and her daughter believed that they had been abandoned. If they had both relocated some of this drama could have been avoided. In a friendly divorce, it may not matter about the marital home as it does in a contentious one.

Joint presents

When given presents as a couple, divide up property by who gave them. His side or hers when both want the same item. For example, my mum gave us a Waterford chandelier and two light fixtures. My former husband claimed we needed to divide them up between us. She had to put in writing for the solicitors that all three were to be given to me.

When dividing wedding gifts, I kept things from my side. I separated gifts from his friends and family so he could get those. It is trickier when joint gift money was spent on a painting etc. What some couples do is make a list. What is most important to them and what can they live without. Also, when there are similar items, each person gets one. This works better when they are able to negotiate.

Pick your battles

Division may not seem fair with personal property. In one case, the wife gave expensive collectible coins on various gift-giving occasions, He gave her thoughtful presents in return, many of which were cat or travel themed. They were much appreciated. In the divorce it turned nasty. Seth had a treasure trove he could sell and Pippa did not. Pippa had a decision to make. Should she pursue the disparity between these gifts or let this slide and go after bigger assets. Pippa opted to go after the more important ones, such as stock and splitting his retirement pension. Since John felt he got away with keeping all the old coins he was calmer, when the more important issues came up.

What you brought into the marriage you can take. This is true even if the value is quite different. If you brought in the designer goods then they are yours.

During our divorce my husband’s solicitor told me this. “If both parties are unhappy, then I know the division of property was fair. If one person is very happy, then it wasn’t.”

About Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again.  https://globalguidetodivorce.com  She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.

She writes a children’s book series with the latest, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London. Also The Adventures Of Margo, Girl Detective.w

Coping with Divorce

The Emotional Reality of Self-Representation: Why Good Parents Freeze in Court

Published on January 13, 2026June 30, 2026

Gergely Fried
McKenzie Friend and Founder of Everyman Justice

The Pressure of Getting It “Right”

For parents without legal representation, every letter and every hearing can feel decisive. There is often a belief that one wrong word, missed deadline, or poorly phrased response could permanently damage their relationship with their child.

That pressure creates constant vigilance. Parents reread emails repeatedly, second-guess their wording, and worry about how they will be perceived by professionals they may never meet face-to-face. Over time, this can lead to paralysis rather than clarity.

Some parents delay responding because they fear making a mistake. Others send long, emotionally charged messages because they feel an urgent need to be understood. Both responses are human reactions to fear, not signs of indifference or poor parenting.

When Emotion Collides With Structure

The family court process is structured, procedural, and often impersonal. Emotional experiences, however, are not. Parents are expected to communicate calmly and concisely even when discussing fear, loss, or uncertainty about their child’s future.

This mismatch can be deeply unsettling. Parents may worry that expressing distress will make them appear unstable, while restraining emotion may feel like minimising what truly matters. The result is often an internal conflict between honesty and self-protection.

When parents feel they must choose between being understood and being composed, it is unsurprising that some become hesitant or withdrawn at key moments.

The Myth of “The Court Will Just See the Truth”

Many self-represented parents enter proceedings believing that if they are truthful and reasonable, the system will naturally recognise this. While honesty and cooperation matter, family court decisions are not based on moral certainty.

They are made on how information is presented, assessed, and weighed often through written evidence and professional reports. Parents unfamiliar with this process may assume that the strength of their feelings will translate directly into the strength of their case.

When this does not happen, parents can feel confused or disillusioned. That emotional response may then shape future communication, sometimes leading to withdrawal or heightened frustration.

Fear, Shame, and the Loss of Confidence

Self-representation can also trigger feelings of shame or inadequacy. Some parents worry that representing themselves reflects poorly on them, or that professionals will assume they are less capable because they do not have a solicitor.

These concerns are rarely voiced, but they influence behaviour. Parents may avoid asking questions, hesitate to seek clarification, or agree to things they do not fully understand. In trying to appear cooperative, they may unintentionally sideline their own perspective.

Confidence, once shaken, is difficult to regain in an environment that already feels intimidating.

Finding Small Anchors During Uncertainty

While there is no simple solution to this pressure, some parents seem better able to stay grounded than others. What often helps is not legal expertise, but small forms of emotional structure having one trusted person to talk things through with, writing thoughts down privately before responding, or giving themselves permission to pause rather than react immediately.

These are not strategies for “winning” a case. They are ways of reducing emotional overload so parents can engage more clearly with a process that already demands a great deal from them. Even keeping a simple decision log “Today I received X, I responded with Y” can provide reassurance later that progress is being made, especially during periods when everything feels stalled or uncertain.

The Impact on Parenting During Proceedings

The emotional strain of self-representation does not end at the courtroom door. Parents often carry that stress home, where it can affect sleep, patience, and emotional availability.

Children may notice changes even when parents try to protect them. Increased anxiety, irritability, or withdrawal can be signs of a parent under sustained pressure. This does not indicate failure it reflects the weight of navigating uncertainty alone.

When parents feel overwhelmed, maintaining emotional stability becomes harder, not because they care less, but because they are carrying too much.

Why Emotional Understanding Matters

Recognising the emotional reality of self-representation does not mean lowering expectations or avoiding accountability. It means acknowledging that clarity and confidence are shaped as much by emotional safety as by procedural knowledge.

When parents feel steadier, they communicate more clearly, make fewer reactive decisions, and are better able to focus on their child’s needs rather than their own fear. Even small reductions in anxiety can have a meaningful impact on how parents experience the process and how effectively they participate in it.

What This Means for Parents

Freezing under pressure is not a personal failing. It is often a sign that something deeply important is at stake and that the person involved does not feel safe enough to make a mistake.

Self-represented parents are rarely trying to challenge the system. Most are trying to protect their children while navigating unfamiliar terrain with limited support.

Understanding this emotional reality does not change the law, but it can change how parents experience it. And when parents feel more supported and less afraid of getting things wrong, children are more likely to experience stability during a time of uncertainty.

This article is intended for general information and emotional support only and does not constitute legal advice.

About Gergely Fried

Gergely Fried is a McKenzie Friend, author, and the founder of Everyman Justice. With a background in education and business, and personal experience of child arrangements proceedings, he supports parents navigating the UK family court system with calm, practical guidance and emotional insight. His work focuses on clarity, emotional understanding, and reducing unnecessary conflict, always with the child’s wellbeing at the centre.

His book, Conflict by Design, guides parents step by step through child arrangements proceedings using a realistic case narrative, explaining what to expect in clear, accessible language rather than legal or academic jargon.

Everyman Justice: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/
Support & Help: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/support-and-help/

Divorce Law UK

The Hidden Challenges Immigrant Parents Face in the UK Family Court

Published on December 22, 2025June 30, 2026

Gergely Fried
McKenzie Friend and Founder of Everyman Justice

UK Family Court

When parents separate, the family court process can feel overwhelming for anyone. But for parents who have moved to the UK from abroad, the challenges are often deeper and more complex. Differences in language, legal systems, cultural expectations, and access to support can turn an already stressful situation into something far more daunting.

Many parents come from countries with different family law systems, communication styles, or cultural attitudes toward questioning authority. In those circumstances, tasks that may appear straightforward, such as completing forms or understanding a Cafcass letter, can feel intimidating and confusing. This article explores the language barriers, cultural misunderstandings, and systemic assumptions that can make the process harder for immigrant parents, and why empathy and clarity matter so much.

When English Is Not Your First Language

Even parents who speak English confidently in everyday life often struggle when faced with legal or formal language. Court correspondence uses specific terminology that carries precise meanings, and these meanings are not always obvious.

Terms such as parental responsibility, fact-finding hearing, or position statement are not part of ordinary conversation. Misunderstanding them can lead parents to respond in ways that unintentionally weaken their position. Some parents worry about appearing uninformed or uncooperative, so they avoid asking questions. That silence may then be misinterpreted as disengagement, when it is actually rooted in fear or uncertainty.

I have spoken to parents who read the same paragraph repeatedly without feeling sure they understood it correctly. The emotional weight of that confusion is often invisible to professionals, but it shapes how confidently or hesitantly a parent participates in the process.

The Emotional Pressure of Navigating Court Alone

Many parents going through family court have some form of support around them. Friends, extended family, or colleagues who are familiar with the UK system can help them make sense of what is happening.

Parents who have moved to the UK more recently often do not have that network. Some have no one they feel comfortable asking for guidance. Others worry that asking the “wrong” question might somehow harm their case. The fear of making a mistake can be paralysing.

When a parent is separated from their wider family and cultural community, the emotional stakes are even higher. The fear of losing contact with a child can feel amplified when there is no familiar support structure nearby. That emotional pressure can affect how parents communicate, how they present themselves, and how they cope with the demands of the process.

Cultural Differences and Misinterpretation

Family dynamics and communication styles vary widely across cultures. In some cultures, avoiding eye contact is a sign of respect. In others, emotional restraint is valued over direct expression. Some parents are raised to defer to authority rather than challenge it.

Within the UK family court system, these behaviours can sometimes be misunderstood. A parent who avoids eye contact may be seen as evasive. A parent who speaks passionately may be perceived as aggressive. A parent who hesitates to question professionals may be viewed as disengaged.

These interpretations are rarely intentional, but they can influence how a parent is perceived. When cultural context is not fully understood, well-intended behaviour can be misread in ways that affect outcomes.

A System That Assumes Prior Knowledge

Court forms and procedures, including C100 applications, C1A allegations, statements, and evidence bundles, often assume a baseline understanding of how the UK legal system operates. For many parents who have moved to the UK, that knowledge was never available to them.

Beyond the forms themselves, many parents are unaware of how decisions are actually made. Family courts operate on the balance of probabilities rather than certainty, which can be unfamiliar to those from different legal traditions.

Without understanding how evidence is assessed or how concerns are framed, parents may approach the process with expectations that do not align with how outcomes are decided. This can lead to frustration, confusion, and a sense that the system is unpredictable or unfair, even when procedures are being followed correctly.

Interpreters and Practical Access to Support

Language support does exist within the family court system, including access to interpreters when requested. However, many parents are unaware that this support is available or feel uncomfortable asking for it.

Clearer information about interpreter availability, alongside plainer language guidance and greater cultural awareness, could help reduce misunderstandings before they affect outcomes. Small changes in how information is explained and how behaviour is interpreted may significantly improve fairness without lowering standards.

Small Steps That Can Make a Difference

While every situation is different, a few approaches can help parents feel more grounded during proceedings:

Taking time to slow down. Court communication often feels urgent, but responding while overwhelmed increases confusion. Reading documents carefully, drafting responses before sending them, and asking for clarification where needed can reduce mistakes.

Separating emotion from structure. Emotional experiences are valid, but court documents usually require clarity and structure. Writing drafts privately before refining them can help parents express concerns in a way the court can engage with.

Keeping simple records. Many parents are unsure what evidence matters. Keeping a basic timeline of key events, copies of important messages, and notes of significant interactions can help parents stay organised and feel more prepared.

Why Empathy Matters for Children

Children are deeply affected by parental stress, even when it is not spoken about directly. Anxiety can show up in disrupted sleep, increased clinginess, or worry about conversations they only partially understand.

When parents feel calmer and more supported, they are better able to provide emotional stability. Clearer communication and reduced stress can help children feel safer during a period of uncertainty, which is ultimately what the family court process aims to protect.

A Closing Reflection

This article is not about criticising the family court system or promoting any particular service. It is an honest reflection on the emotional and practical barriers that parents from abroad often face when navigating an unfamiliar legal environment.

Needing extra explanation does not make a parent less capable. Asking questions does not indicate weakness. Struggling with an unfamiliar system does not reflect on a parent’s ability to care for their child.

Empathy, clarity, and understanding do not change the law, but they can change how families experience the process. And that can make a meaningful difference for both parents and children.

This article is intended for general information and emotional support only and does not constitute legal advice.

About Gergely Fried

Gergely Fried is a McKenzie Friend, author, and the founder of Everyman Justice. With a background in education and business, and personal experience of child arrangements proceedings, he supports parents navigating the UK family court system with calm, practical guidance and emotional insight. His work focuses on clarity, emotional understanding, and reducing unnecessary conflict, always with the child’s wellbeing at the centre.

His book, Conflict by Design, guides parents step by step through child arrangements proceedings using a realistic case narrative, explaining what to expect in clear, accessible language rather than legal or academic jargon.

Everyman Justice: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/
Support & Help: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/support-and-help/

Coping with Divorce/Well-being/Your Emotions

Finding Calm Amid Separation: A Guide to Self-Care

Published on November 21, 2025November 18, 2025

Jo Harrison Divorce Consultant and Relationship Therapist Family Law in Partnership

American naturalist and writer Hal Borland said, “No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn,” a phrase that is often used
to give hope to people going through something difficult. I know from my experience of working with people who are going through a separation, that it can feel like it really is going on forever, and it can be hard to hold onto the hope of something changing – particularly when people are going through litigation or there is high conflict.

How can you support yourself through this difficult period?

This is often a process that can take a long time and have complex developments both in the practical and physical aspects of your life as well as emotionally and psychologically. These are some of the key aspects I encourage people to think about to support their own care as they go through the process of separating…

1. Prioritise What Matters Most

This is a time of life when you may need to prioritise what is important to you in order to preserve emotional energy and resources. This might mean saying no to things, or being careful about the things you do in order to choose things that feel nurturing or positive to your wellbeing, or to not choose things that you know are going to make you feel drained or worse.

2. Set Boundaries Around Communication

Depending on the quality of relationship with your ex, it may be that when you communicate with each other it makes you feel bad or upset or it drains you. It may be that you need to communicate about certain things for example arrangements about the children. It is also possible to set boundaries for yourself around if you feel there are ways you can support yourself. For example, not reading or exchanging emails late at night when this might affect your sleep, or trying to multi task childcare and difficult conversations. Some people even set up separate email accounts so that they can be intentional about the time they read messages from their ex. If it’s possible, try to agree with each other a time that you will check in with each other to catch up regularly rather than drip feed information. (This can work really well for parents to have a time each week where they know they are going to be able to talk about things that need talking about).

3. Pick Your Battles

This may be a more challenging one, but take a moment to reflect whether there is a part of you that gets drawn into difficult communications with your ex. Are you able to pick your battles, or step back from some issues that are not as important as others? This will save your energy and allow you a bit of distance rather than keep taking you back into unhealthy dynamics.

4. Allow Yourself Time to Reflect

It is ok to be sad and to cry. Self-care is not about having a smiley face on all the time. It’s about allowing yourself space to grieve what you have lost, and allowing yourself space to try to understand what has happened.

5. Build a Support System

All of this can be supported by making sure you have a good support system. That does not just mean friends and family. It might mean booking an appointment with the GP to talk about how you are not sleeping. It might mean considering therapy to have a space to be supported with all that you are feeling. It might mean making sure you get the support of all the positive aspects of nature by making sure you have a walk each day, or the good feelings you get from exercise. Take a step back and think about what aspects of life and which people help you to feel better and supported.

6. Recognise When You Need a Break

One of the lawyers at FLiP often reminds people that having a duvet day when you just do not feel like dealing with the legal stuff is totally understandable. All she asks is that it is communicated so that you can think together about how to do what is required. This kind of dynamic thinking about what needs doing on the legal side of things can often get lost or people can feel that they are not allowed to have these kinds of conversations with their lawyers. It is really important that there is an open channel of communication about how you are feeling about doing what you need to do.

7. Reconnect with Your Identity

It’s also important to remember aspects of your identity that are not connected to you getting divorced, since it can feel so overwhelming. Make sure you make time for yourself where you are not focussed on something divorce related. Some people find it a good time to take up a new activity or hobby where they can enjoy new aspects of themselves rather than feeling focussed on all that has happened with their relationship. This may be something to work towards in time as often people can feel too overwhelmed to take on something new. Look at my thoughts on reclaiming your identity after separation here.

8. Be Kind to Yourself During the Holidays

We know that with Christmas around the corner, there are added loads on people’s shoulders, perhaps for some combined with the pressure of feeling you need to make Christmas extra special for the children now that you are separated. Be kind to yourself and do the stuff that makes you feel good and that feels doable, rather than taking on too much and feeling burned out.

Most of all, be compassionate to yourself. We know that divorce is a stressful and emotional time. Listening to yourself and what you need is important and may keep you afloat during this time of navigation.

About Jo Harrison

Jo is a Divorce Consultant and Relationship Therapist with Family Law in Partnership. She is very experienced in working with individuals and couples who are separating. A former family lawyer, Jo has a depth of experience and understands the legal process, which many if her clients find helpful.

If you would like to enquire about support individually in relation to preparing for a divorce or separation, please contact the FLiP relationship support team at E: therapists@flip.co.uk

Coping with Divorce/Moving On

Why You Need a Divorce Team, Not Just a Lawyer

Published on September 3, 2025

chloe-o-contributor — Chloe O.
Alternative Dispute Resolution professional and Certified Divorce Coach
The Divorce and Separation Coach

When people think about divorce, the first professional who comes to mind is usually a lawyer. That is natural, since divorce has an important legal dimension. But relying on one person to guide you through every aspect of divorce is a common mistake.

I made this mistake myself. During my divorce, my “team” consisted of my lawyer and my parents. I did not know that other professionals could support me. As a result, I agreed to financial arrangements without understanding their long-term consequences. Over time, they proved unsustainable and led to repeated renegotiations, which caused unnecessary conflict.

Divorce affects your finances, your emotional wellbeing, your children, and your long-term future. My experience taught me (the hard way!) that no single professional can provide expert support in all these areas. That is why building a divorce team is one of the most important steps you can take.

Avoiding the “one-person trap”

Money is often the greatest concern when people are separating. Many hesitate to hire more than one professional, worried about costs. Yet the unintended consequence is that they lean on their lawyer for everything: financial advice, emotional support, and sometimes even parenting guidance. This is not only expensive, but also ineffective.

Think of it like surgery on your back. You would need a surgeon, of course, but also a nurse, an anaesthetist, and afterwards a physiotherapist to get you back on your feet. Divorce is no different. You need different professionals working together to ensure every aspect is handled properly: a lawyer for legal advice, a financial adviser for money matters, a divorce coach to help you make the right decisions every step of the way, and emotional support to keep you grounded.

The professionals to consider

A divorce team does not look the same for everyone. The right mix of professionals will depend on your situation. Here are some of the key roles:

Lawyer – Advises on your legal rights, prepares divorce documentation, and, if necessary, represents you in court. Some lawyers specialise in areas such as high net worth cases, domestic abuse, or international divorce. Even in countries where a lawyer is not legally required, it is still wise to consult one to ensure your agreement is solid.
Family mediator – Works with both partners to negotiate terms, from property division to parenting arrangements. A mediator is impartial and helps keep discussions constructive.
Divorce coach – Helps you focus on your future goals, make clear decisions, and approach negotiations with confidence. A coach also provides practical guidance and emotional steadiness.
Therapist – Supports you in understanding what went wrong in the relationship, addressing trauma, and maintaining mental health.
Financial adviser – Reviews your assets, debts, and income, models long-term implications of settlement proposals, and helps you plan for financial stability after divorce.

While one person may cover two roles, expecting them to manage everything leaves serious gaps.

Choosing the right lawyer

Selecting the right lawyer is one of the most important decisions you will make. Too often people choose based only on price or convenience. One client of mine instructed a lawyer because he was “cheap”. Fifteen months later, she had spent tens of thousands of pounds with no progress and little trust in his advice. She eventually changed lawyers and finally moved forward.

When choosing a lawyer, consider:

Do they have experience with your type of case?
How do they communicate and how quickly will they respond?
Will your case be handled by them personally or mostly by a junior associate?
What is their approach to resolving disputes out of court?
Can they give you realistic visibility of likely legal costs?

If your divorce involves more than one country, you will also need someone with expertise in international divorce. Look for a lawyer who understands both jurisdictions, speaks your language, and has a network of international advisers, such as tax specialists and immigration lawyers.

How to build your divorce team

A simple exercise can help you identify where you need support. Picture a five-pointed star, with each point representing one area of support: legal, financial, emotional, practical, and personal. Write down the person or professional covering each area. One person can cover two—but no more. If you see gaps, you will know where to add expertise.

This keeps your support balanced and prevents overloading one professional or family member. Your aim is to create a well-rounded team that can carry you through divorce and beyond.

Final thoughts

Divorce is one of life’s most complex transitions. Going through it with only one professional is like attempting surgery with only a surgeon and no nurse or anaesthetist—it is simply not enough. By building a divorce team, you ensure that every dimension—legal, financial, emotional, and practical—is addressed properly.

It may feel like a bigger investment at the start, but a coordinated divorce team saves time, money, and stress in the long run. More importantly, it helps you build a stronger foundation for the next chapter of your life.

About Chloe O.

“My name is Chloe O., I am an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) professional and a Certified Divorce Coach. I specialise in working with women to help them reduce conflict during and after divorce by improving their negotiation and communication skills with their spouse. The objective is to work towards an amicable divorce outcome in order to minimise the emotional and financial cost of divorce. I work with all types of clients but I have extensive experience in supporting expatriates and international families who are dealing with the unique situation of living abroad during and after their divorce, with limited local family support, language barriers and relocation considerations.”

For more information about my work and services (including my Podcasts, newsletter, myth-buster videos…), you can visit my website and/or follow me on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.

Children of Divorce/Divorce News/Family Mediation/No Fault Divorce UK/Step-Parenting/Well-being

Help Shape the Future of Support for Separated Families

Published on August 1, 2025

Dr Soila Sindiyo
Counselling Psychologist and Founding Editor of The Divorce Magazine

We’ve been contacted by Dr Sarah Foley, Lecturer in Developmental Psychology at the University of Edinburgh, about an exciting new research project exploring parenting after divorce or separation.

The Parenting After Divorce or Separation Study aims to better understand family life and children’s wellbeing in different post-separation child arrangements, particularly in families who have not gone through the court system.

This research will help inform future support for separated parents and their children, filling an important gap in what we know about post-separation family experiences.

Who Can Take Part?

The research team is looking to hear from parents who:

Have children aged 4–8
Live in Scotland or England
Are comfortable taking part in English
Have been separated for at least six months
Have regular contact with their child
Do not have a court-ordered child arrangement

What’s Involved?

If you take part, you’ll be asked to:

Join a confidential online interview and complete a survey
Optionally involve your child in child-friendly storytelling or game-based activities

(These are completely optional and designed to be fun and engaging for children)

Participation is entirely voluntary and confidential.

How to Get Involved

If you meet the criteria above, or know someone who does, you can learn more and register your interest here.

For questions about the study, you can contact Dr Sarah Foley directly at:
sarah.foley@ed.ac.uk

We’ll be sharing the findings of this important research once the study is complete. By taking part, you’ll be helping to build a deeper understanding of how separated families live, parent, and thrive, and how support can be improved in the future.

Moving On/Well-being/Your Emotions

Rising Stronger After Divorce

Published on July 21, 2025July 18, 2025

Lucy Newsum
Life Coach
Lucy Newsum Coaching

It is a human truth: divorce is hard. Within that truth is a depth of feeling that is often so visceral it is difficult to communicate. Divorce is not just hard, it is raw, exposing and messy. The loss of love, the untangling of your life from someone else, the sense of shame – it can feel like hitting rock bottom. It requires all our courage, strength and resilience to move through it and emerge stronger on the other side.

I believe we can move through it, and I believe we can rise stronger. I believe this because I have experienced it. ‘Rising stronger’ was the philosophy I lived by as I healed from my divorce. Today, my mission is to support others to do the same.

Why it’s so damn hard

Grief and emotional turmoil

With any relationship ending there is grief. Grief for the loss of the other person, the loss of the life you built, the future you imagined and your identity as part of that relationship and marriage. For many there is also another loss at play: the loss of ourselves within the relationship. It’s a triple whammy: loss of the other, ourselves and the life we were living.

With grief comes an emotional rollercoaster. You might be familiar with the Kübler-Ross model which outlines the five stages of grief: denial (or numbness), anger, bargaining (can lead to rumination), depression (deep sadness) and acceptance. These stages are not linear; it is likely you will bounce back and forth between them. This emotional whack-a-mole is hard, especially as you start to feel better and have some acceptance to then plummet back into anger or sadness. At other times you might find yourself stuck in the grip of a powerful and painful emotion, unable to move through it. Much of my work is about helping us to navigate and process our emotions, without suppressing or devaluing them.

Loss is also physical

Research shows that the brain’s response to loss and heartbreak activates the same pain centres triggered by physical injury. The heartbreak of a divorce is not just in your head; we feel it at a deep physical level. It can feel like our heart is breaking. Combine this with the physical separation from a person we have spent time with every day and it’s easy to see we are dealing with a lot.

Shame and guilt

And if that’s not enough, we also tend to add a good dollop of guilt or shame on top of it all. Guilt at hurting the feelings of someone we loved, or feelings of rejection and low self-worth, or questions of ‘what did I do wrong?’ or ‘why wasn’t I enough?’.

Our culture contributes to this shame and guilt. The wider narrative around divorce and the opinions of others can leave us feeling like a failure, fuelling the flames of shame

and leaving us lacking in confidence. This all serves to amplify the pain we are experiencing.

The weight of responsibility

Amidst all of this we have choices to make and action to take: the legal process, financial decisions, and maybe childcare challenges too. We are dismantling one life and building a new one. This is scary and often overwhelming. But every ending is also a beginning, and we can rise stronger.

The only way out is through

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt in life so far is that you can’t shortcut your way around the hard moments. The only way out is to go through – gently and one step at a time.

It is natural to want to avoid or numb the pain of loss. But avoiding, ignoring, suppressing or resisting our feelings are all actually ways that keep that pain alive. We keep the pain trapped in our body rather than accepting it, feeling it, having compassion for it and moving through it.

Many years ago, I experienced a shattering heartbreak. It was a short relationship, so I judged my pain at its ending to be out of proportion. How could I be so hurt over something that hadn’t lasted long? Grieving it so deeply felt somehow weak, like something was wrong with me. So, I brushed myself off, put the grief into a locked box and got on with my life. Looking back, I can see clearly how that unprocessed and unhealed pain influenced my relationship behaviours and choices, contributed to an internal narrative of shame and limiting beliefs, and gave space to my own very loud and mean inner critic. It shaped how I showed up in my marriage and how I showed up for myself. When I went through my divorce over 10 years later, I finally found myself able to grieve and process that early relationship, which also helped me heal from my divorce, learn from it all and find the road back to myself.

I love Miranda Hart’s description of going through the hard moments. In her recent book, she describes her journey as finding herself somewhere “…dark. Musty.Dank. A cave. With slimy, muddy walls. I walked along the cold, rock floor until another door at the far end of the cave became faintly visible. Somehow, I knew that door was the one that I would eventually, at the right time, be able to step through. And I would be refreshed”

My marriage and my divorce became my teacher. Slowly, gently, with compassion, I navigated that dark, dank cave. It was a journey of getting to know myself (my patterns, beliefs and values), finding the tools to feel more confident and navigate daily ups and downs, and building a brighter, more joyful and fulfilling life. In short, I went on a journey back to my heart. Today I feel freer, move alive, more empowered and more deeply connected to myself and others than ever before.

You can do the same

There is a light at the end of your dark cave. What if this is the start of a journey to truly discovering yourself and building a more empowered, confident and fulfilled you?

If you’re unsure where to start, here are three things you could focus on:

Seek out your support network: I recommend your network covers three pillars of support – practical support (legal and financial advice, childcare support etc), emotional support (someone to turn to when you are in the grip of emotion or turning in on yourself) and social support (someone who will get you out of the house and sprinkle some joy).
Daily wins: at the end of each day write down, or say out loud, three wins from the day. It doesn’t matter how big or small these are – a win could be making the bed that day – the power is in the daily recording of your wins. It trains your brain to start to look for the positives.
Gentle movement: our physiology has one of the biggest impacts on our emotional state. Movement positively influences our emotional state, enabling us to navigate and shift some of those more painful emotions.

“The most difficult seasons of life are often preparing us for the most beautiful times ahead. When life falls apart, don’t rush to put it all back together. Sit in the fire and ash of all that once was. You will rise from this with deeper clarity, more wisdom, and a heart primed for peace. This is what grief does when we make room for it. Grief doesn’t break us, it heals us.” – Sheleana Aiyana

About Lucy Newsum

Lucy Newsum is a life coach and facilitator. She provides coaching for women who want to live and love wholeheartedly.

www.lucynewsum.com

IG @lucynewsumcoaching

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