going through divorce - Page 6

How to Start the Divorce Process

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

In England and Wales, the person filing for divorce is the petitioner and in Scotland it is the pursuer.

The other spouse is the respondent in England and Wales and the defender in Scotland.

The process of divorce commences when the petitioner files the divorce petition to the court. Included with the petition is:

  • Marriage certificate
  • Issues of divorce with one of the grounds
  • What you want to receive financially

If the couple has children then a Statement of Arrangements must also be sent which includes:

  • Where they now live and future visitation plans
  • Their school and any educational or after school needs
  • Any child support requested
  • Any disability or health requirements
  • A Parenting Plan may be attached

The spouse must formally be served these papers in one of these ways:

  • The court posts these papers to your spouse adding the Acknowledgment of Service You or your solicitor will be notified if they are returned back to the court as undeliverable.
  • A bailiff can serve the divorce papers directly to your spouse. A certain form is filled out and a fee is collected for this service.
  • In Scotland there is no Acknowledgement of Service sent to the defender (respondent) spouse. They receive the initial writ from the court containing the grounds for divorce, arrangements for children, and finances. If the other spouse disagrees with any of these, then they fill out a Notice of Intention to Defend form and return it to the court.

The respondent has a week to respond and to send an Acknowledgement of Service to the court verifying that it was received and contains the following:

  • If he/she consents to the divorce
  • Objects to anything in the petition
  • Agrees or disagrees with Arrangements for Children

The respondent has twenty-eight days to file an answer if he intends to defend (contest) the divorce. He can file a ‘’cross petition’’ if he feels that the marriage is over, but not for the reason that the petitioner stated in the divorce petition.

After the respondent returns the Acknowledgement of Service to the court, a copy is posted to the petitioner or their solicitor.

The next step in the divorce process is the petitioner files an Affidavit with the court.

This is a sworn statement that is done before another solicitor (not yours) or a court official which verifies that the signature on the Acknowledgement of Service form is that of your spouse. Also you confirm what is in the Divorce Petition is correct.

Both spouses fill out the incredibly detailed, twenty-eight page Form E or Statement of Means, and give it to the court and the other solicitor. If there is to be a court hearing, then Form E is to arrive thirty-five days ahead of time.

This form is a disclosure of what one’s assets are and copies of financial records are attached to this sworn document. Mediation and collaborative divorce may use Form E to collect financial data.

Questions included in Form E or Statement of Means are:

  • Standard of living you had during your marriage and what you expect post-divorce
  • What debts you have and what is owned to you
  • Income needs for yourself and children residing with you
  • Lists of investments, bank accounts, pensions with account numbers, companies and amounts
  • Insurance with surrender value
  • Properties and their worth
  • Cars and other household assets and their value

In Scotland there is no Form E or formal disclosure document. When the spouses come to a financial agreement, the signed statement is registered in the Book of Council and Session in Edinburgh.

If there is a financial change of circumstance post-divorce, then an alteration to this agreement can be made. The Statement of Means or Form E, is not used in Northern Ireland, but rather the court asks for similar financial disclosure at the preliminary hearing.

A judge goes over the paperwork including the Statement of Arrangements for Children. If he does not have any questions and approves of the paperwork, then a Certificate of Entitlement to a Divorce Decree is issued.

He posts a copy to the Petitioner giving the date of when the Decree Nisi will be issued. No court appearance is needed for this provisional decree. The Decree Nisi is issued in the middle of the divorce proceedings. In Scotland there is no Decree Nisi.

The petitioner must wait six weeks and a day before the Decree Nisi is made absolute. The Decree Absolute is not issued automatically and must be requested.

This interim period gives time to work on any financial or child arrangements before the divorce is finalized. The spouses may be sent to mediation to negotiate either child or financial arrangements before the divorce is finalized.

If the petitioner does not apply for Decree Absolute within four and half months, then the respondent is free to do so. If neither has applied for this within a year, then a judge may mandate an explanation of why there was such a long wait. When the Decree Absolute is issued, then the divorce is finalized.

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Up to 50% of Divorce Applications are Being Rejected Due to Errors

Published on
Carmen Hudson (LLB) Director DivorceBox

It was recently reported that the governments flagship divorce centre was rejecting 50% of divorce applications due to errors made in the application form.

Divorce Centres were originally introduced as part of the courts move towards a centralised system for divorce in England & Wales and formed part of a larger project to make Family Law proceedings more accessible and less prohibitive for those individuals who engage with the family law process.

However, it would appear from the increased number of rejections that the system is not providing the improvements that the scheme envisaged.

So what can you do if you are completing a DIY divorce application to make sure that your application is accepted?

Below is a list of the main reasons that a divorce application would be rejected by the court/Divorce Centres.

Many of the reasons for rejection are due to simple errors that could be made by anyone. To help you avoid them I have also included my top tips for avoiding them.

 Top Tips

  • When filling in the details of where your marriage took place check that the names of the parties (you and your spouse) match those on the marriage certificate EXACTLY. Even if the marriage certificate contains a spelling error, write it exactly as it appears on the certificate when completing your application form. If it is not completed in this way the court will have no option but to reject and return your application.
  • Applications are also being return because many people are forgetting to sign and date their application form. This is easily done, I have seen qualified professionals have forms returned to them that are not signed and dated. My advice is to complete your application form and then leave it at least 24 hours before checking it for errors. If you can get a trusted friend or family member to also check it a second pair of eyes is always useful.
  • Failure to enclose the court fee £550 or a Help With Fee’s form.
  • Failure to enclose your marriage certificate. It’s easy to forget to enclose your fee and marriage certificate but the court can not do it’s job without these items. Failure to enclose what is needed is only going to cause delays and prolong a already stressful situation.

If you are an applicant making a DIY divorce application then the best advice that I can give you is to check, check and check again.

As with many things in life it is the simple things that make the big difference and simply checking your form or getting a trusted third party to check your form before submitting it is the easiest way to avoid any problems with your application.

* Bury St Edmunds, Information, gsi.gov on 13/03/2017

About Carmen

Carmen Hudson (LLB) is a director and head of legal of operations at DivorceBox.com a online legal service provider specialising in online divorce (e-divorce).

After 15 years in dispute resolution she founded DivorceBox to offer a less intimidating alternative to traditional legal services.

 

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Life after Divorce - When Fear Takes Over
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A Divorce Story – When Fear Takes Over

Published on
Charis Rooks
Author and Speake

The first 3 days without my ex-husband in our home was terrifying for me.

I could not sleep because I was constantly checking windows, doors, kids, and then I would start the rotation all over again until daylight.

After those three days passed by I noticed I would lie down but I couldn’t really sleep the way my body wanted me to sleep.  I was mentally and physically exhausted and on top of that I was sleep deprived.

I remember my fear was there are only three of us, me and my two daughters and no male protector in our home anymore, in those moments I felt overwhelmingly vulnerable.

I have come to notice that with divorce we tend to believe fear more so than anything else, I can definitely testify to this. For you it may not be a fear of being alone however, fear is fear regardless of the reason or situation.

Maybe your fear came in the form of a financial burden after the divorce. How will the mortgage get paid or how will I put food on the table. Did your nights become sleepless? Or maybe how will I be able to do everything that we planned for our future now on my own? Or maybe you are saying to yourself that you were barely keeping to a schedule with both of you in the household, so how in the world can you maintain structure alone?

There are several reasons and fear of the unknown seems to be the common denominator. I remember when I finally began to say to myself, “I will not allow fear to operate my car on this journey called life.”  I received an overwhelming sense of peace. I will be honest it wasn’t a onetime thing.

I said it daily and sure enough I began to sleep more and more peacefully as time went on. I began to check the doors less and less until I would check the doors one time and the kids once and I was out like a light bulb.

For more articles by Charis Rooks, Click here.

ABOUT CHARIS

After her second divorce, Charis decided that it was time to do something not only for herself but also for other women going through similar struggles.

As a survivor of divorce, Charis knows all about the lies and confusion that come with divorce. Though divorce does eventually end, the emotional scars and stress that come with a difficult divorce do not.

Charis is passionate about speaking the truth to women who are caught in the endless cycle of struggle after divorce and she encourages them to share their stories to help provide not only counseling for themselves but also support for others.

Charis does not limit her time to Draw for Women but also reaches out in other ways.

She is an accomplished and published author, having penned God Rarest Diamonds: A Proverbs Life after Divorce Devotional for women and Coming Soon- The 30 Day Life after Divorce Prayer Challenge for Women, which provides encouragement, support, and spiritual enlightenment to those who are struggling, helping readers bring peace to their life journeys. In addition to Draw for Women and writing,

Charis has a personal life that is as full as her professional life.

Charis is married to a wonderful man and is the mother of two talented and beautiful daughters.

Charis earned her Bachelor’s Degree in Business Technical Management with a concentration in Small Business and Entrepreneurship- Magna Cum Laude in Spring of 2016 and is currently pursuing her MBA.

When she is not working or studying, Charis loves to read, write, and travel. Charis is a dedicated individual who wants nothing more than to share her ideas, experiences, and knowledge to help other women who are struggling with divorce to become comfortable with themselves and with the state of their lives again. 

Facebook: http://facebook.com/draw4women

Twitter: Charis Rooks @draw4women

Instagram: Draw4Women

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Full Disclosure Principle in Divorce

The Full Disclosure Principle in Divorce – Don’t Try to Hide from it

Published on
Vanessa Fox
Partner and Head of
Family Law
hlw Keeble Hawson

There have been a number of recent high profile cases where an ex-partner in a divorce has hidden money or assets to avoid them being included in the joint assets that will be divided by the court or an arbitrator.

Among these was an Australian couple’s dispute about the whereabouts of $160,000 fortune hidden in a shoebox.

It is surprisingly common for people to attempt to do this and I have worked on many cases where it has happened – including when a client’s ex squirreled away stacks of £10 notes. In fact, almost every family dispute I have handled has involved an alleged non-disclosure.

Reasons for hiding or undervaluing assets include a wish to save money, a desire for revenge or a belief that the asset or the person’s wealth is too trivial for scrutiny.

However, before the court can reach a financial settlement on separation, both parties have a legal obligation to provide full and frank disclosure of all their assets (including pensions), income and liabilities. Unless and until this has been done, a financial order cannot be made, even if both parties are happy for it to go ahead.

The court does not take into account who is ‘at fault’, meaning that the ‘wronged’ party has no excuse for not making an honest declaration. Nor is it justified for the poorer partner to fail to disclose. That person may feel aggrieved at having to list a tiny savings account or income from a part time job, when the other person is far better off – but the court’s intention is to assess a couple’s joint worth and how this can be divided fairly to meet the reasonable needs of both parties.

Declaring everything that you own does not mean you will receive a reduced settlement – however, failing to disclose an asset can produce that result.

If one party fails to fully disclose, it can lead to a more extended, costly dispute. The person who has not disclosed can in extreme cases be ordered to pay the other side’s legal costs and it is usually the case that that person will receive a far less favourable settlement – with more allocated to their ex on top of what would have been awarded in the first place.

There is nearly also extra expense in relation to applications for court orders for further disclosure or the hiring of a forensic accountant to track down hidden funds, the cost of which is sometimes ordered to be paid by the “non-disclosing” party.

In any event, legal costs always are paid out of the pooled assets that the court would prefer to be spent on the households of the separating couple and their children. One partner’s dishonest disclosure can severely reduce the funds available to do this, which could diminish everybody’s standard of living and affect a parent’s long term relationship with their offspring.

There are often no winners from somebody’s refusal to fully declare, but there can be many losers. Honesty is always the best policy – no matter what misgivings or lingering bitterness one party has for their ex.

About Vanessa

hlw Keeble Hawson partner, Vanessa Fox, marked 25 years as head of the firm’s family law department in 2016.

Collaboratively trained and a qualified mediator, she has modernised South Yorkshire Resolution since becoming chair in 2013 and is also a member of the Law Society’s Family Law Panel and the Children Panel.

She can be contacted on 0114 290 6232 or at vanessafox@hlwkeeblehawson.co.uk.

 

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How Can Conflict Coaching Help when Going through Divorce?
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How Can Conflict Coaching Help when Going through Divorce?

Published on
Antonia Jenkins
Conflict Resolution Coach Trainer and Accredited Mediator

One of the greatest needs when someone is in conflict, or hurting, is to feel heard, to feel that their feelings and views on the situation are validated.

Attentive, patient and active listening, is in my view, one of the most important skills that either a mediator or coach can bring to the table. It comes more naturally to some than to others, but it is a skill that can be acquired, through practise.

Having been a coach and worked with people in hardship situations, I adapted to conflict coaching quite smoothly.

Jane, my first conflict coaching client many years ago, was such a classic, that I often use her as an example. This initial experience showed me the power not only of listening but of conflict coaching.

Jane was a widow of seven years, now in her 70’s, and beginning to struggle with her health and strength. She had come to me because of a conflict with the manager of her allotment.

He was new and young and wanted to do things differently. Jane, having been a teacher, was used to speaking plainly and to carry weight on the allotment committee. The young man didn’t have much experience handling the conflict, and she was furious and absolutely determined to get what she saw as “her right”.

At first all she talked about was her feeling of disrespect and unjust judgement by this young manager, who finally “kicked her out” of the committee, and was trying to “kick her out” of “her” allotment.

This was of course from her perspective, but right or wrong, the situation had taken over her mind, days and nights, for months now… that’s all she could think about.

I gave her space to talk about the conflict, and it seemed like a pretty difficult situation. She talked and explained for nearly an hour. Then I started to ask a few questions about “HER”, how she was, and she confided how lonely she had been, with her husband gone, 7 years now.

They used to do the allotment together and that common project was all she had left of him. I started to get a glimpse of the reason why she was so affected by the change. Then in the same stride, she began talking about how difficult it was keeping up with the work on the allotment and how she wished she could be free to do things like painting…

As we spoke, it became obvious that her late husband, her grieving and the situation at the allotment were connected.

By the time we ended our conversation, and after unpeeling the situation together, she came to realise that her insistence on wanting to keep the allotment was related to her belated husband and it was in fact, too hard for her on her own, but she had a type of loyalty to keeping it because he loved that allotment.

What “she” really wanted to do was take up painting! There she had said it…. It was one of those light bulb moments for her…. That night, she asked someone to help her collect her tools from the allotment and she turned the page. Most importantly she was set free from the mind traps of the conflict that had been consuming her energy, her sleep, and her every thought.

I want to clarify; I didn’t have any particular opinion on what she should do or not do. It was when we touched on what was really important to her that she realised that it was all part of her not wanting to let go of her shared memories with her late husband.

She was still grieving but longed however for a lighter load, peace of mind and was dreaming of trying out new things like painting and travelling.

Sometimes, when you look at a conflict from the outside, it looks like a ball of yarn that a kitten has been left to play with; but as you begin to pull the threads, things begin to unravel, the main issues and lead threads begin to surface and through active listening and gentle prodding, you are able to arrive at the core, the real need of that person, what made the situation so painful.

The recognition of this very pain often puts the person on the path to recovery and solution finding.

In the case of couples separating, emotions run even higher, all types of emotion, from anger to guilt passing by frustration and denial. A separation is a little like the process of mourning. Something is over, and the one who did NOT initiate the separation will struggle particularly to come to terms with it.

Anger, feeling of unfairness (after all the trying), wanting to hurt the other, feeling sorry for oneself, refusal to accept, all those emotions become interlinked, similar to those of bereavement.

It is a time when getting support from a conflict coach can be a godsend, as he/she will help you find greater clarity and perspective. This is especially important when children are involved.

What couples sometimes don’t really want to face, is that they will be in each other’s lives until the children are grown, and often after that. So the more emotional and “crazy” the situation gets due to the pain, the harder it is to re-establish a “normal” adult trusting relationship where the children’s needs and wellbeing are at the fore. This is, in my opinion the biggest benefits of Conflict Coaching and Mediation, although some details might need to be seen to by lawyers (such as finances).

The support a couple will get from either a Conflict Coach or a Mediator in those initial very difficult conversations is unequalled compared to the legal route. It will set the tone for the entire negotiation. The difference between Conflict Coaching and Mediation? A Conflict Coach will work with one party; a Mediator will work with both parties.

If you are struggling in a conflict, don’t keep it to yourself, get some support, chances are it will enable you to find solutions faster.

About Antonia

Antonia Jenkins is a conflict resolution coach and trainer and an accredited mediator with Albert Square Mediation.  She has considerable workplace and community mediation experience. She is an accomplished linguist, translator and language coach. She also writes extensively. She speaks fluent English, French and Spanish and Portuguese.

She started her career in Brazil and has worked in countries as diverse as Japan, China, Thailand and the Lebanon, where she worked in the prison system, often in very demanding contexts where she had to use her skills and experience to the full. 

A leading member of Speak Street and Hargrave Hall Community Association, Antonia has participated in a number of projects in her local area.  Additionally, she has worked for a number of UK charities notably Victim Support, Centrepoint and Age UK which gives an excellent knowledge of the voluntary and charitable sectors.

In her spare time Antonia writes about community and natural health issues and has contributed to a major published work on community building. Her chapter can be found on her blog: insightsbytoni.blog.

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Divorce Financial Negotiations

Ex husband Ordered to Pay 1.6 million 10 years after he Thought Divorce Financial Negotiations were Complete

Published on
Daniel Rushton
Head of Family Law
Grindeys Solicitors

Honest negotiations and formalising a divorce financial settlement are a crucial part of the divorce process as highlighted in a recent divorce case.

The couple separated in 2002. Following the divorce in 2006, the husband paid the wife £150,000 to pay off the mortgage and signed the family home over to her.

When they first married the couple were both teachers but the husband began a business in 1988. He owned 99% of the shares and the wife had the other 1%.

In 1990, he stopped teaching to concentrate on the business. They had three children when they separated in 2002. From this point the wife had no further dealings with the business which at the time of divorce, had a turnover of approximately one million a year.

Although in 2006 the wife had received the £150,000 and the family home she never signed the settlement agreement which had been drafted.

The lawyer who represented the husband during the initial divorce and financial negotiations confirmed that the wife agreed to the terms of the financial settlement. However, her acceptance was on the basis that the husband provided a full picture of his financial circumstances, with documentary evidence confirming it was true. He never did!

In 2013, ten years after they separated and seven years since the initial financial settlement was agreed she applied for a financial remedy order.

The judge concluded that there had been no full and final settlement, and that the husband had not provided the wife with full disclosure and so the initial financial agreement was not legally binding.

The husband was ordered to pay her a lump sum of £1.6m and to transfer 25% of his pension policies and shares to the wife and that decision was upheld by the Court of Appeal.

The judge said, “It was beyond argument that the wife had a claim. The two parties had made equal contributions to the marriage before separation and the wife had played an important role in the business during its infancy.”

This case illustrates the importance of making a full and honest disclosure when negotiating a financial settlement following divorce.

In another recent divorce case the court looked unfavourably on a husband who lied, attempted to hide money and refused to adhere to court orders during the post-divorce financial negotiations. The court labelled the husband a “disgrace” and issued court orders that forced him to comply. He was also ordered to pay his wife’s legal costs.

This case also illustrates the importance of ensuring that financial arrangements following divorce are legally finalised by way of a Consent Order if an agreement has been reached.

A Consent Order officially ends the financial relationship between a divorcing couple and means no further financial claims can be made against each other (as long as a full and honest financial disclosure has been made by all parties).

In another high profile case reported last year a wife made a claim against her former husband 27 years after their divorce. At the time of the divorce neither had many assets to fight over but the husband went on to build a multi-million pound business.

In the absence of a formal agreement to end their financial relationship following their divorce the former wife succeeded, 27 years later, the wife was allowed to bring a claim against her former husband, despite the fact that he had no assets when they divorced.

The Court actually did not have to decide whether she was entitled to anything, because the husband in question agreed to what was to him a cheap settlement, but it was still a lot of money to the wife.

Honestly negotiating and then formalising a divorce financial settlement is a crucial part of the divorce process. No one wants to be hit with a financial remedy order years after the divorce when they have moved on and rebuilt their lives. An honest formalised agreement ensures the past remains in the past!

About Daniel Rushton

Daniel has over 20 years’ experience as a specialist family law solicitor. He is Head of the Family Law team at Grindeys Solicitors based in Stoke on Trent.

Daniel has a particular interest and experience in dealing with business owners, company directors and members of the medical profession in matrimonial situations. For this type of work a solicitor who understands your business accounts and business structure is vital to obtain the best financial settlement possible.

Recent cases include one involving an international business and extremely valuable assets and pensions, as well as property abroad. He has acted for numerous doctors and other medical professionals, council workers, police officers and serving members of the armed services. In twenty-three years, Daniel has dealt with all walks of life and will adopt a professional yet caring approach to your situation.

Email: daniel.rushton@grindeys.com

www.grindeys.co.uk

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considering divorce

Are you Considering Divorce?

Published on
Soila Sindiyo
Parenting Therapist
Founding Editor
The Divorce Magazine

I have gone through divorce twice; the first one was 20 years ago and the second 12 years ago.

Truth is going through divorce is never an easy process however amicable. It will hurt greatly at some point during the process both financially and emotionally but it doesn’t have to define who you are for the rest of your life.

You will get through it. You will be ok but you will have to work hard to be so.

If you’re truly uncertain if divorce is the right way for you to go, I would personally suggest not doing anything for the moment.  Wait and see how you feel later on, maybe next, month or even later.

Ask yourself if you have done all that you can to keep your marriage.  If not, what more can you do?  Do all that you can.

If you’re considering divorce here are some FAQs with responses but you will find a lot more articles, authored by divorce professionals, on The Divorce Magazine to help you through your divorce process.

Do I need a divorce lawyer?

Yes. This should be one of the first and wisest things to do.  I would suggest that you speak with at least 3 divorce lawyers because just as you would get, at the very minimum, 3 different estimations for your kitchen extension, you really should do the same with your divorce lawyer before settling on one.

Why do I need a lawyer?

Simply put, for legal advice. You need to know that whatever steps you’re taking or planning on taking are not only legal and possible but that you’re being realistic and fair to you and your soon-to-be-ex.

How much will a divorce cost?

Very popular question indeed but the simple answer is, it depends on many factors including what divorce process you pick.

There are divorce lawyers who will offer what I would call package deals which are great in giving you some indication of how much the process is likely to cost.  When you speak with the various lawyers, then ask about this.  In fact, do be afraid of asking as many questions as you can think off regarding cost.

As a divorce process, family mediation, for instance, tends to work out much cheaper than working through the whole divorce process solely via lawyers.

The more you and your soon-to-be-ex can agree on together the less expensive your divorce costs are likely to be.

Here’s an article on How to Reduce the Cost of Divorce that can give you even more information.

What other divorce processes are there?

Fortunately, there are many other ways of dealing with your divorce process other than the “traditional” lawyer/client fashion. Here are some:

With the first three divorce processes, you will be working directly with divorce lawyers. With the other two, don’t forget to seek legal advice before agreeing to any divorce settlement.

What about the children, can I get full custody (sole residency)?

This is extremely difficult to get as the courts always seek to do what is right for your children and unless there are major safety issues for instance, they will try and ensure that your children remain in good contact with both parents as much as possible.

Here’s an article that would best answer any questions you have on full custody.

My advice, regarding the children, is to continuously and persistently keep in mind that it benefits them greatly if you can provide them with the space and time where they can see both parents as much as possible by creating an age appropriate parenting plan.

They will be suffering many losses as you go through the divorce and will need both of you to make sure they are ok.

What about child maintenance or child support? How do I know how much to expect or to pay out?

Our article on  Free Child Maintenance Calculator will tell you what factors are taken into consideration regarding child support payments, how to calculate child maintenance as well as how to apply for child maintenance.

If you decide to go ahead and start the divorce process, talk.

Talk to people you trust and talk to your children’s school.  Surround yourself with people whom you know will be supportive and objective and don’t use your lawyer as a counsellor, therapist it’s only likely to cost you and they need to focus on the legal side of your divorce.

Brace yourself for a journey that is likely to get quite emotionally, physically and mentally draining but like I said at the start, you will get over it, you will be ok, you just have to work at getting there because like Maya Angelou once said, “nothing works unless you do”.

If you have even more questions to which you would like some answers then don’t hesitate to contact any of the divorce lawyers who feature in The Divorce Magazine and speak with them.

If your main issue is to do with your children before, during and after divorce, including creating age appropriate parenting plans, you can contact me on +44 (0)7850 85 60 66 or email me soila@helpingchildrencope.co.uk.

ABOUT SOILA

Soila is a graduate member of the British Psychological Society, Parenting Therapist, accredited Triple P practitioner, Certified Trauma Specialist and trained Family Mediator.  She works in private practice mainly, but not exclusively, with families going through divorce and separation.

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine.

 

 

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Is Christmas the Season to Break-up
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Is Christmas the Season to Break-up?

Published on
Sara Davison
Sara Davison
Divorce Coach

Family law firms always see a sharp rise in clients in the New Year. In fact January 6th is known as Divorce Day as they receive so many enquiries about getting a divorce.

So what is behind this peak so soon after Christmas? Why are there so many people wanting to start divorce proceedings as soon as the festive period comes to an end, a time traditionally known for being together with family?

It’s a sad fact that as many as 42% of couples find themselves heading for divorce in the UK. This figure is as high as 50% in the USA.

Divorce is not an easy process, in fact it’s known as the second most traumatic life experience after death of a loved one.

It involves a rollercoaster of emotions and many new practical challenges so we need to give it careful consideration when we decide to leave a marriage.

The new year peak in starting divorce proceedings is the same every year. There are several factors that cause this and things to look out for:

  • Spending quality time with the family in the holidays if you have a solid relationship can make it even stronger. However if the foundations of the relationship are rocky spending increased amounts of time together can increase the pressure and the cracks will start to show.
  • Over Xmas the usual routine of work and school runs is disrupted. We are no longer distracted by them and so we have more time to focus on the relationship and how it is going. It is under more scrutiny as couples are spending more time together.
  • Many people have actually decided to break up well before Christmas will have made the decision to get through the festive period as not to upset the family, especially if there are children involved, and then leave in the new year.Is Christmas the Season to Break-up
  • Spending time with extended family often puts a lot of pressure on a couple. Tensions can mount if they don’t get along well or have to walk on egg shells around each other’s family.
  • Couples often have different expectations of the Christmas holidays. If one sees it as a chance to put their feet up as they are not at work and the other is left to entertain the kids or cook for everyone it can cause arguments.
  • Financial pressures can mount over Christmas as pressure to provide the latest gift for the children and feed the extended family for days on end can be extremely high. This can inevitably cause arguments and tension for couples.
  • It’s the season for parties and drinking and if your relationship is already on the rocks it can sadly be a trigger for infidelity.

All these festive period pressures can reach a crescendo, what I call a switch flicking moment, when something tips the balance and you decide you just can’t do this anymore. Enough is enough and you want out. Unfortunately this is the case for many couples and why the divorce rate peaks in the new year.

However if you are aware of this there are things you can do to help your relationship survive Christmas. Here are my 7 top tips to avoiding breaking up over Christmas:

  • Don’t let problems fester. If there are any issues raise them with your partner and work together to sort them out before any irreparable damage is done.
  • Set aside some time to discuss what you want from the holidays and how you see it working. Make a plan that you both agree to and are happy with.
  • Agree a financial budget for the Christmas period in advance and stick to it.
  • Make a conscious decision to stay calm and to keep spirits up over Christmas. Don’t be the person who brings the mood down.
  • Do your best to get along with the in laws and extended family. Agree to keep visits to a minimum if you know they always cause unnecessary stress.
  • Keep the love alive: Be affectionate and playful with your partner. Arrange quality alone time over the holidays where you spend time together doing the things you love.
  • Don’t take things too seriously: Keep perspective on the magnitude and significance of things that might trigger an argument. Remember you can diffuse an argument before it happens by choosing to react with love. For example giving them a hug or telling them you love them can diffuse the tension in a heartbeat if you do it sincerely.

The key to any successful relationship is good communication. Find a way that works for you both and remember that you will both have different methods of communicating how you feel.

Sticking your head in the sand isn’t a great way to deal with issues and it’s always best to nip them in the bud right away. However it’s never too late to start communicating better with your partner.

Be kind, respectful and empathetic towards each other and you will find that your relationship can overcome many obstacles.

ABOUT SARA

Sara Davison is a highly credible life and business expert whose own personal experience has led to her creating a unique divorce coaching programme designed to support individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to journey through divorce.

An NLP Master Practitioner, with 16 years’ coaching experience, Sara has successfully built and developed a global business and has worked with some of the top names in personal development such as ; Anthony Robbins, Paul McKenna, Barefoot Doctor and more.

With a wealth of experience helping others through challenging situations, as well as the experience of her own marriage breakdown, Sara was inspired to create a bespoke divorce coaching program that would help guide those battling through the process of divorce. The program offers tailored, practical advice and strategies to help people move forward.

Sara’s aim is to change the stigma associated with divorce in the UK. She wants to encourage people to ask for help, and teach people the skills to get from where they are to where they want to be.

For more information see saradavison.com for more details.

 

 

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Breaching a Court Financial Order or Consent Order is a Risky Game

Published on
Daniel Rushton Head of Family Law Grindeys Solicitors
Daniel Rushton
Head of Family Law
Grindeys Solicitors

In July 2016, the Telegraph reported on a divorce case where the husband failed to comply with a financial court order, also known as a Consent Order, which stated that the marital home be sold.

The proceeds of the sale were to be used to pay off the marital debt and the remainder to be split between him and his former wife.

He refused to leave the property and after a very expensive four-year legal wrangle and several failed appeals, he has now been given a final ultimatum.

Get out of the house or face a six month prison sentence!

A husband and his new wife are issued with a prison sentence

Another long-winded and expensive legal battle was the case of Trott V Trott (2015).

This resulted in an ex-husband and his new wife being subjected to a custodial prison sentence following a series of breaches of a court order.

In summary, the new wife failed to produce financial statements required by the court and the husband committed several breaches. He failed to transfer proceeds from the sale of marital assets and he also sold shares in a business, an action the court order prohibited him from doing.

The new wife’s minor breach attracted a 14 day custodial sentence suspended for 12 months to discourage her from breaching any further order. The husband, because of the number and severity of breaches, was given a three month custodial sentence.

Value of Assets is Irrelevant

These two cases clearly illustrate that the courts do not look favourably on people who fail to comply with financial orders.

The two cases outlined above involved relatively high value assets, a house worth half a million in the first case and shares valued at one hundred thousand in the second.  However, value is irrelevant! The court will use the power of a custodial sentence even when less valuable assets are concerned.

In 2014, in the case of Hope v Krejci the husband breached a financial court order when he failed to transfer two cars and a motorbike to his wife.

By the time the case came to court he had still failed to make the transfer and the judge ordered that if he had not made the transfer by an agreed date his would receive a 2 month custodial sentence. The value of the vehicles was just £16,000.

In Pocock v Pocock (2013), the husband had agreed to transfer the marital property to the wife, pay the mortgage before redeeming the mortgage before an agreed date.

The mortgage redemption did not happen and mortgage payments were only occasionally paid. The wife had brought the husband back to court several times until she applied to have her husband committed for a custodial sentence. The judge order fourteen days in prison. A sentence which would be suspended but only if he promptly adhered to the terms of the Court Order.

The Cost of a Prison Sentence

Each of these cases share similarities. Each divorce case would have been incredibly stressful for the parties in dispute.

For a court a custodial sentence is a last resort. To get that ‘last resort’ several costly court hearings would have been required which would create a very costly legal bill and for what?

A Court Order is a legally binding document that will be enforced, eventually!

There are Exceptions to Every Rule

Of course there are exceptions to every rule and there is occasion where a breach will be accepted by the court.

If there is a significant event that changes the circumstances of one of the parties to the Consent Order, which impacts on their ability to meet their responsibilities, it may not be enforced.

For example, a former husband is ordered to pay maintenance to his former wife but he is made redundant and he no longer has the means to make the payments. It is unlikely the court would enforce the order until he has the means to do so.

There may also be occasion where a Consent Order is not final and can be appealed.

There are several reasons this could happen. It may be found that one of the parties did not provide a full and honest disclosure of all their assets at the time the Consent Order was made.

If one of the parties was unduly influenced, maybe by violence or blackmail, to accept the Consent Order then the Consent Order could be declared invalid.

Talk to a Family Law Solicitor

Whether or not a Consent Order will be enforced depends very much on the specific circumstances.

If you think a breach has occurred, or you are deliberately breaching the terms of a Consent Order, it is highly recommended that you seek legal advice from a family law specialist.

Ignoring the order of a court could be costly in terms of both your finances and your freedom!

 ABOUT DANIEL

Daniel has over 20 years’ experience as a specialist family law solicitor. He is Head of the Family Law team at Grindeys Solicitors based in Stoke on Trent.

Daniel has a particular interest and experience in dealing with business owners, company directors and members of the medical profession in matrimonial situations. For this type of work a solicitor who understands your business accounts and business structure is vital to obtain the best financial settlement possible.

Recent cases include one involving an international business and extremely valuable assets and pensions, as well as property abroad.

He has acted for numerous doctors and other medical professionals, council workers, police officers and serving members of the armed services. In twenty-three years, Daniel has dealt with all walks of life and will adopt a professional yet caring approach to your situation.

Email: daniel.rushton@grindeys.com

 

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do it right, don't fight

Men, Going through Divorce? Do it Right, Don’t Fight.

Published on
James Brown
James Brown
Host of
Divorce The Talk Show

As I think back upon this weird thing called getting a divorce I think back to how appreciative I am for having a great ex-spouse what a good women she is.

That said, Men perceive and most often participate in ugly divorces, no matter what the prearranged agreement is.

Men make mistakes not only in their marriages but also most definitely as they begin the process of going through there divorce.  Many men face daunting circumstances with manipulative, irrational and abusive conditions caused by both spouses.

Excluding that, let’s not take for granted the impact divorce has even if your spouse and you are still on intimate footings and are reasonable with each other, even after divorce.

Ha, I can assure you at that critical point of unshackling your marriage even smooth endings will handicap and make it difficult to make the right decisions.  Anger and depression becomes your new takeover spouse that is upsetting and instills a psychological roadblock that fractures the process that endeavors to protect, your children and your extended families.

Even with this edge it is better to take the high road over the low and negative point of view.

With an overcrowded business as usual environment of all types of divorce experts and legal beagles proclaiming,  “I can fix this, you don’t have to do that,” we blindly follow along, in many cases disastrous outcomes follow which often magnifies prevailing emotions in men that are filled with sadness and disappointment.

Men often face emotional anger and it’s commonplace that we are angry at our now ex wives parents and friends because of the choices we’ve made.

Are you getting my point; choices, we all have choices, you just need to know what they are.  Once you realize that good choices are the fabric of a healthy divorce, it get’s easier life picks up with positive actions, this is the foundation of Divorce The Talk Show. We help with the process of identifying the processes for making better choices for better outcomes.

Many things will ignite that fire within you to lash out and arouse another anger point that is harnessed within your inner self.

Don’t take the bait, when someone enters into your spouses romantic world and it’s not you, and believe me it’s going to happen, your ex will get a new guy; this can really push the attitude button off the charts for many men especially when you don’t feel you where the root of causing the divorce and in the back of your mind you still want the girl.

You’re now faced with your ex old lady, your old sweetie pie, whatever you called her then and now (and there are some other words we don’t wish to use so we won’t go there).

dont-fight-divorce-advice-menIt all rolls around the brain like a pinball in an old arcade machine, she is now with a new partner, he is experiencing all those delightful things (and you had many) you once enjoyed; sex, the birth of your children, holding hands going to the bathroom together (Ha Ha) wow now those memories or now marred with new images someone else is in the house, in the bed.

Are you getting my drift?

Men this is why it is important to manage your attitudes and emotions.  If you don’t it all adds up to cha-ching, cha-ching higher cost, more money frustration, stress and perhaps a lengthy, entangled affair that many call the divorce wars.

Take my word this is no fun.

I without any discussion (with others) or contemplation made the right decisions, although I learned that later; (we) had done the right thing.

I was wiser beyond divorce and its stages at the time of my divorce.   I did it right focusing on being a good ex spouse, which enabled me to handle my divorce and manage my emotions with relative peace thus gaining a friend and an ally in shaping our children’s destiny after our divorce.

I can assure you that positive resolution in one’s divorce activities particularly during the paperwork procedure, including the life changing arrangement you make, will make a difference.

Divorce, I must say handled with love, can you believe, I said “handled with love”, will give you so much self respect as anything and when you walk into the room of shame that’s filled with people that you’ve shared and enjoyed their company during your marriage with your ex this can be stressful and taxing to the emotions, all by it’s self, but the manner in which you posture yourself from a positive perspective will enable you to stand tall with pride as an individual who made a commitment to Do It Right and Don’t Fight, because you’ve made a statement you choose to respect your family your life your ex wife mother of your children.

These actions demonstrates that you’ve stated to the world that you are somebody who respects what you had and that action mirrors the fact that you are a responsible, respectable and caring man.

Positivity, the moderator of divorce, demonstrates that taking the high road makes a significant difference as you move forward.  It allows you to pay it forward.

One other thing, when you enter into another relationship and the inquiry begins from the new girlfriend and the questions start to unfold, the who, what and why of your previous relationship/marriage, when you start sharing those intimacy’s and she learns how you’ve handled your divorce, it will speak volumes in helping her to recognize and realize that although you are and have had a broken relationship in the past, she quickly learns that you are a responsible, caring and a dependable person.  I guarantee you that this will speak volumes to a woman wishing to connect with you and become a part of a your life as she accepts a new man into her life.

That, my fellow brothers-in-divorce, assures your place at the table of life confirming that you are capable of genuinely being a responsible partner capable of loving and responsibility.

Those are the steps that enable you to move forward toward a New Beginning.  What’s the message… Do It Right, Don’t Fight.

About James

James, grew up in San Francisco, and has lived in Salt Lake City, for over 25 plus, and is a second time divorcee with 4 children. 

With his diverse background in television, both in front and behind the camera, Mr. Brown is the driving force behind the highly innovative production of Divorce The Talk Show; A New Beginning, a multi-platform production which is led by new media engagement using digital, mobile as well as the legacy media (television) platform to reach a growing number of people who have gone through a radical change in life via divorce.

Mr. Brown has a background that makes him unique and perfect to support effort to make change in divorce. He has been at the center of development in corporate recruiting programs including Discover Card which focused on youth and minorities; developed diverse training seminars for corporations; created programs that provided scholarships for deserving, disadvan­taged students as well as building one of the finest film and television production studios (Salt Lake Studios) in the western U.S.A.

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Divorce and the Farming Family

Divorce and the Farming Family

Published on
Melanie Pilmer Solicitor Greene & Greene Solicitors
Melanie Pilmer
Solicitor
Greene & Greene Solicitors

The damaging effects of divorce are often felt more acutely in cases involving farming families: especially so where the farm has been held within one family for generations.

Often farming businesses will involve Partnership or Corporate Structures, land may be co-owned with extended family, land ownership may be within or outside of business structures and various land or property assets may also be held in Trust. These can all complicate matters.

Typical questions that arise are:

  • How can the assets be divided fairly where a farm has been passed dynastically to one spouse through the generations?
  • What weight will the court apply to the financial and non-financial contributions of the non-owning spouse?
  • Will the court force a sale or transfer of land and property?

The court’s approach can be unlike other cases and present unique challenges.

The court is tasked with arriving at a fair outcome and must meet the parties’ (and any dependent children’s) reasonable needs. In doing so the court will consider whether the farming family intended that the farm should be passed down through the generations.

The court will have to consider whether the farming family can and should retain the farm (in so as far as that is possible) even if that means an overall unequal division of assets. Numerous other factors including the standard of living enjoyed by the parties during the marriage can also be taken into account.

Funding a settlement may require finance to be raised against the retained farm. Land may need to be sold in order to retain the majority of the farm to pass on to future generations.

Many farming businesses experience cash flow and liquidity issues which can make it difficult (or impossible) for income generated from the farm to satisfactorily meet the needs of two separate households following separation.

Divorces involving family farms are often complex and it is important that if you find yourself in this position you seek the assistance of a lawyer experienced in this area.

About Melanie

Melanie, a solicitor with Greene & Greene Solicitors, advises in relation to a full range of family matters including divorce and associated financial matters, cohabitation disputes, children matters and Pre-Nuptial Agreements.

She is a collaboratively trained lawyer and member of Resolution – First for Family Law. She has significant experience in relation to resolving complex financial disputes often involving business assets and a considerable amount of my practice consists of negotiating and preparing Nuptial Agreements.

Melaniepilmer@greene-greene.com

Linkedin.com – Melanie Pilmer

(Editorial first published in Rural Review, September 2016)

 

 

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Family Mediation – There is much more to it than Divorce and Separation

Published on
Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

If you ask a passer-by what she or he thinks family mediation is about the chances are that that person will mention divorce, separation or disputes about child contact.

In one sense this is correct and it is certainly true that family mediators deal with these types of issues quite routinely.

However, one of the important constituent parts of the term “family mediation” is the word FAMILY.

Are you perhaps involved with one of the following types of dispute which arise more often that our hypothetical passerby might imagine? If so, would you like it to be resolved promptly and cost-effectively?

  • a case involving the parents of a child in local authority care who may be denied any contact;
  • a case involving a grandparent, aunt or uncle who is denied contact with a much loved grandchild, nephew or niece because the child’s parents have separated;
  • a dispute involving a family house sharing arrangement possibly where there is concern about a potentially vulnerable family member leaving home;
  • a case involving a dispute between siblings about a family will or the administration of a trust or estate;
  • an Inheritance Act claim where a close family member or a potentially deserving relative has been left out of a will and has taken the matter to court;
  • an acrimonious dispute affecting a family partnership or company that may ultimately affect its financial viability and the livelihoods of those who work in it;
  • a dispute between siblings or other family members about who cares for an elderly or infirm relative;
  • disagreements about funeral arrangements,
  • A dispute between parents and their child’s school.

If any of the above apply, then mediation may well be for you.

ABOUT PAUL

Paul Sandford (www.albertsquaremediation.co.uk ) is an accredited civil mediator and Tribunal Judge. He is also an associate of a Birmingham-based firm of solicitors, My Business Counsel.

He mediates for a leading UK charity and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training .

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

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