I have gone through divorce twice; the first one was 20 years ago and the second 12 years ago.
Truth is going through divorce is never an easy process however amicable. It will hurt greatly at some point during the process both financially and emotionally but it doesn’t have to define who you are for the rest of your life.
You will get through it. You will be ok but you will have to work hard to be so.
If you’re truly uncertain if divorce is the right way for you to go, I would personally suggest not doing anything for the moment. Wait and see how you feel later on, maybe next, month or even later.
Ask yourself if you have done all that you can to keep your marriage. If not, what more can you do? Do all that you can.
If you’re considering divorce here are some FAQs with responses but you will find a lot more articles, authored by divorce professionals, on The Divorce Magazine to help you through your divorce process.
Do I need a divorce lawyer?
Yes. This should be one of the first and wisest things to do. I would suggest that you speak with at least 3 divorce lawyers because just as you would get, at the very minimum, 3 different estimations for your kitchen extension, you really should do the same with your divorce lawyer before settling on one.
Why do I need a lawyer?
Simply put, for legal advice. You need to know that whatever steps you’re taking or planning on taking are not only legal and possible but that you’re being realistic and fair to you and your soon-to-be-ex.
How much will a divorce cost?
Very popular question indeed but the simple answer is, it depends on many factors including what divorce process you pick.
There are divorce lawyers who will offer what I would call package deals which are great in giving you some indication of how much the process is likely to cost. When you speak with the various lawyers, then ask about this. In fact, do be afraid of asking as many questions as you can think off regarding cost.
As a divorce process, family mediation, for instance, tends to work out much cheaper than working through the whole divorce process solely via lawyers.
The more you and your soon-to-be-ex can agree on together the less expensive your divorce costs are likely to be.
Here’s an article on How to Reduce the Cost of Divorce that can give you even more information.
What other divorce processes are there?
Fortunately, there are many other ways of dealing with your divorce process other than the “traditional” lawyer/client fashion. Here are some:
- Collaborative Divorce
- Divorce Lawyer
- Family Arbitration
- Online Divorce
- Going directly through court (DIY – this is usually possible for certain situations)
With the first three divorce processes, you will be working directly with divorce lawyers. With the other two, don’t forget to seek legal advice before agreeing to any divorce settlement.
What about the children, can I get full custody (sole residency)?
This is extremely difficult to get as the courts always seek to do what is right for your children and unless there are major safety issues for instance, they will try and ensure that your children remain in good contact with both parents as much as possible.
Here’s an article that would best answer any questions you have on full custody.
My advice, regarding the children, is to continuously and persistently keep in mind that it benefits them greatly if you can provide them with the space and time where they can see both parents as much as possible by creating an age appropriate parenting plan.
They will be suffering many losses as you go through the divorce and will need both of you to make sure they are ok.
What about child maintenance or child support? How do I know how much to expect or to pay out?
Our article on Free Child Maintenance Calculator will tell you what factors are taken into consideration regarding child support payments, how to calculate child maintenance as well as how to apply for child maintenance.
If you decide to go ahead and start the divorce process, talk.
Talk to people you trust and talk to your children’s school. Surround yourself with people whom you know will be supportive and objective and don’t use your lawyer as a counsellor, therapist it’s only likely to cost you and they need to focus on the legal side of your divorce.
Brace yourself for a journey that is likely to get quite emotionally, physically and mentally draining but like I said at the start, you will get over it, you will be ok, you just have to work at getting there because like Maya Angelou once said, “nothing works unless you do”.
If you have even more questions to which you would like some answers then don’t hesitate to contact any of the divorce lawyers who feature in The Divorce Magazine and speak with them.
If your main issue is to do with your children before, during and after divorce, including creating age appropriate parenting plans, you can contact me on +44 (0)7850 85 60 66 or email me firstname.lastname@example.org.
Soila is a graduate member of the British Psychological Society, Parenting Therapist, accredited Triple P practitioner, Certified Trauma Specialist and trained Family Mediator. She works in private practice mainly, but not exclusively, with families going through divorce and separation.