going through divorce

Family Court Leaves Children In Uncertainty For Nine Months
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Family Court Leaves Children In Uncertainty For Nine Months

Published on
Alison Bull
Alison Bull
Partner
Mills & Reeve LLP
Donna Morgan
Donna Morgan
Counsellor and Therapist
Donna Morgan Counselling
Jane Ingleby
Jane Ingleby
Partner
Mills & Reeve LLP

 

 

 

 

 

 

Private law family court cases took an average of nine months to conclude over the last two years, meaning children involved in proceedings are effectively spending the equivalent of a full school year or around six summer holidays in legal limbo, new analysis reveals.

The research, conducted by leading law firm Mills & Reeve, used Freedom of Information requests submitted to HM Courts and Tribunals Service (HMCTS) to obtain detailed data on private family court cases across 2024 and 2025, including case volumes, duration, hearing rates and regional variation.

Across private law, the family courts dealt with 44,494 cases in 2024, with an average duration of 41.8 weeks and 2.5 hearings per case. In the first half of 2025, there were 20,075 cases, with an average duration of 39.7 weeks and 2.4 hearings per case.

Commenting on the findings, Alison Bull, partner at Mills & Reeve, said: “It’s clear that too many families are still facing significant delays in the family courts, with cases routinely lasting around nine months. For children, that is not just a legal process on paper, it’s the equivalent of a full school year spent in uncertainty or around six summer holidays. Research shows that outcomes for children and young people can be negatively affected by ongoing parental disagreement and conflict, which can further feed into that uncertainty.

“While there are some signs of modest improvement in parts of the system, overall progress remains limited and uneven. The picture continues to point to sustained pressure on the family courts, with persistent delays and variability in outcomes across different types of cases and regions, indicating that underlying challenges in capacity and timeliness have not yet been fully addressed.”

These delays can prolong disputes and make it more difficult for families to move forward, leaving children without stability or certainty while arrangements remain unresolved. Donna Morgan, an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families, said:

“In my experience, it’s often the uncertainty surrounding separation and divorce that has the greatest emotional impact on children. Children are remarkably resilient when they feel safe, informed and supported. However, when decisions remain unresolved for extended periods, children can be left feeling anxious, confused and emotionally unsettled.

“Children rely on stability and predictability to feel secure. When they are unsure where they will live or when they will see each parent, many begin to worry about things they cannot control. What they need is reassurance, consistency and confidence that the adults around them are working to protect their wellbeing. This can make a significant difference to a child’s emotional health both during separation and in the years that follow.”

Across both years, the North West remained the highest region for hearings per private law family court case across both 2024 and 2025, recording an average of 2.8. Meanwhile, London recorded the lowest average hearings per case in 2024 at 2.3, while Wales recorded the lowest average in 2025 at 2.1.

As a result of these delays, family arbitrations in England and Wales have doubled since 2023, according to figures from the Institute of Family Law Arbitrators. This followed a rule change in 2024 requiring parties to consider alternative forms of dispute resolution before proceeding to court.

Family arbitration is a private process used to resolve financial and children arrangement disputes when couples separate, providing a binding decision without the need for court proceedings where agreement cannot be reached through mediation or negotiation. It can be used to resolve disputes concerning children as well as financial matters.

Jane Ingleby, partner at Mills & Reeve, added: “When court timetables are stretched, families often benefit from considering alternative routes to resolution. Solutions like family arbitration offer a private and structured way to resolve disputes about finances and children without the delays of court. 

“It allows parties to choose an experienced decision-maker, set more flexible timetables and reach binding outcomes more quickly, while maintaining confidentiality. For many separating couples, it can provide a more efficient and focused way of resolving issues at what is often a very difficult time.”

Donna has also shared five tips for parents supporting children through separation:  

  • Provide age-appropriate honesty: Children need truthful information that is appropriate for their age and level of understanding. 
  • Maintain routines wherever possible: Regular routines around school, activities, mealtimes and bedtime help children feel secure.
  • Keep children out of adult conflict: Children should never feel responsible for managing communication between parents or be asked to take sides. 
  • Encourage emotional expression: Create opportunities for children to talk, ask questions, draw, play, or express their emotions in ways that feel comfortable and natural to them. 
  • Offer frequent reassurance: Remind them that the separation is not their fault and that the adults around them are working together to keep them safe and cared for.

Read more articles by Mills & Reeves LLP.

About Alison Bull

Alison is a highly experienced family mediator, financial and children arbitrator, and lawyer. She is passionate about sorting things out without attending court if possible, and used to handling complex, conflictual situations in England & Wales and internationally. She focuses on the bigger picture and the best interests of children, and is an effective litigator when required. Alison helps clients to agree parenting plans, and with issues about property, businesses, trusts, pensions and international assets. As well as working with individuals, she has conducted many cases working with separating couples who want to reach agreement together in mediation or with the advice of one lawyer.

About Donna Morgan

Donna Morgan is an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families. She specialises in anxiety, trauma, family relationships, separation and emotional wellbeing. Drawing on a humanistic and trauma-informed approach, Donna helps parents and children navigate significant life transitions with greater emotional safety, resilience and understanding.

Alongside her private practice in Surrey, Donna has extensive experience working within educational settings and supporting families through periods of change, conflict and emotional challenge. Her work focuses on helping parents better understand their children’s emotional needs while building healthier communication and stronger family relationships during times of transition.

About Jane Ingleby

Jane is a highly experienced family law solicitor, with a particular focus on complex financial and children matters. Her practice includes high-conflict child arrangements, allegations of alienating behaviours and domestic abuse, UK and international relocation and surrogacy.

She is also highly skilled in advising on the financial aspects of separation, especially in cases involving businesses and trusts. In addition, Jane provides expert guidance on wealth protection, including pre- and post-nuptial agreements.

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The Digital Divorce: The Breakup Nobody Prepares You For

The Digital Divorce: The Breakup Nobody Prepares You For

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Monika Braglewicz
Monika Braglewicz
Breakup and Divorce Coach
Coach With Monika

When people think about divorce, they usually picture the obvious milestones.

Finding somewhere new to live, speaking to a solicitor, working out finances, telling family and friends, learning how to co-parent. What they don’t picture is sitting alone at 11pm, scrolling through every app on their phone, quietly scrolling through years of shared digital life.

Yet for many people, that’s exactly what happens. I call it the digital divorce.

It’s the process of separating your online life from someone else’s. Removing them from shared accounts, changing passwords, updating emergency contacts, deciding what to do with thousands of photos.

These might sound like small jobs, but they often carry much more emotional weight than people expect.

It’s a part of separation that very few people talk about, despite the fact it’s becoming something almost everyone experiences.

When your phone won’t let you move on

Years ago, reminders of a relationship were mostly physical. A jumper left in the wardrobe, a wedding photo on the mantelpiece, a favourite restaurant you avoided for a while.

Today, our relationships exist just as much online as they do offline. Your ex might still be saved as “Home” in your Uber account.

Google Photos might decide today is the perfect day to remind you about a holiday you took together three years ago. Spotify is still asking whether you want to continue your Duo subscription. Your phone still autofills their address.

None of these things are big on their own. But together, they create a constant stream of unexpected reminders that can make it much harder to move on.

Why social media makes letting go harder

Then there’s social media. For many people, resisting the temptation to look at an ex-partner’s profile becomes one of the hardest parts of healing.

Research suggests between 60% and 70% of people admit checking an ex’s social media after a breakup, while some academic studies have found the figure could be as high as 88%. Psychologists often refer to this behaviour as digital surveillance or attachment monitoring, and research has consistently linked it with higher emotional distress and greater difficulty moving on.

It isn’t because people necessarily want their relationship back.

Sometimes they’re simply curious, sometimes they’re looking for reassurance they’ve made the right decision, sometimes they’re hoping to see signs that the other person isn’t coping either.

Whatever the reason, those quick checks often keep people emotionally connected to someone they’re trying to let go of. As a divorce coach, I hear clients describe this all the time.

They know looking isn’t helping them, but the urge can feel almost automatic. One look turns into five minutes. Five minutes turns into an evening spent analysing photographs, comments and who’s liked whose posts. It’s exhausting.

Healing isn’t just emotional anymore

One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed over the years is that healing after divorce isn’t only about processing emotions anymore.

It’s also about managing technology. Something as simple as changing your emergency contact can suddenly become emotional.

Removing someone from your medical records, taking them off your insurance policy or deleting them as your next of kin isn’t just administration. It’s another sign that your life has changed.

Even deciding what to do with old photographs can feel impossible. Some people want to delete everything immediately. Others can’t bear the thought of losing those memories, even though they know looking at them hurts. Neither response is wrong.

The important thing is recognising that these aren’t simply digital tasks. They’re emotional milestones, and they deserve the same patience and compassion you would give yourself in any other part of the divorce process.

Give yourself permission to do it step by step

One mistake people often make is believing they have to sort everything out in one weekend. In reality, the digital divorce can happen in stages.

Start with the practical things that protect your independence and security.

Change passwords, update emergency contacts, remove shared payment methods, review which apps still have access to your location or personal information.

Those changes aren’t about erasing someone from your life. They’re about creating healthy boundaries.

The more emotional tasks like deleting photographs can wait until you’re ready.

Creating space for what’s next

One of the ways I encourage clients to think about the digital divorce is this:

You’re not deleting your past, you’re creating space for your future.

Every account you separate, every password you update, they’re all small reminders that you’re rebuilding your own life.

That doesn’t diminish the relationship or pretend it never mattered, it just acknowledges that you’re making room for new routines, new memories and eventually, a new chapter.

You’re not the only one experiencing this

The hardest part about the digital divorce is that so many people go through it without realising it has a name.

Friends prepare you for the legal process. They prepare you for mediation, they prepare you for financial settlements.

Very few prepare you for the moment your phone unexpectedly reminds you of an anniversary you’d forgotten, or when Spotify asks whether you’d like to continue sharing your subscription.

These moments can feel surprisingly painful because they arrive without warning.

If you’ve found yourself caught off guard by something as simple as updating an app or seeing an old photograph appear on your screen, you’re not overreacting.

You’re experiencing a very modern part of separation that many people quietly struggle through. Healing today isn’t just about letting go emotionally. Sometimes it’s about gently logging out of the life you once shared, one password, one app and one small digital thread at a time.

About Monika Braglewicz

Monika is an accredited breakup and divorce coach who helps people navigate relationship change with clarity, confidence and compassion. Having overcome divorce, financial hardship and homelessness herself, she combines lived experience with professional coaching to support clients through separation, co-parenting, heartbreak and life after divorce, helping them rebuild with resilience and purpose.

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Splitting Personal Property in Divorce

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Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller
Dating Coach
Author of the Global Guide to Divorce

One of the most difficult aspects of divorce can be spitting assets. This can be quite emotional, particularly when treasured items were given to you both as a couple. Over the years. people have shared what works and their biggest regrets.  

Marital Home 

This is tricky – whether one stays and buys the other out, or the place is sold. A concern can be to have less upheaval for children and let them remain in the marital home with one parent.  This can backfire in an acrimonious break-up.  

An example of this is Annabel’s situation. Her husband wanted to remain in the marital home with the two teens. Although her intuition screamed it was a bad idea, she agreed. The kids came home from various after school activities and did not want to leave the house and have dinner with her. The daughter refused visitation, claiming she was too tired. The son ended up going on some weekends and has a good relationship with his mum. 

Annabel found out later in family counselling that John was telling the daughter in particular,  “Your mum left us. She wants a new life.” Her brother blew it off and her daughter believed that they had been abandoned. If they had both relocated some of this drama could have been avoided.   In a friendly divorce, it may not matter about the marital home as it does in a contentious one. 

Joint presents 

When given presents as a couple, divide up property by who gave them. His side or hers when both want the same item. For example, my mum gave us a Waterford chandelier and two light fixtures. My former husband claimed we needed to divide them up between us. She had to put in writing for the solicitors that all three were to be given to me.  

When dividing wedding gifts, I kept things from my side. I separated gifts from his friends and family so he could get those. It is trickier when joint gift money was spent on a painting etc. What some couples do is make a list. What is most important to them and what can they live without.  Also, when there are similar items, each person gets one. This works better when they are able to negotiate.  

Pick your battles 

Division may not seem fair with personal property. In one case, the wife gave expensive collectible coins on various gift-giving occasions, He gave her thoughtful presents in return, many of which were cat or travel themed. They were much appreciated. In the divorce it turned nasty. Seth had a treasure trove he could sell and Pippa did not. Pippa had a decision to make. Should she pursue the disparity between these gifts or let this slide and go after bigger assets. Pippa opted to go after the more important ones, such as stock and splitting his retirement pension. Since John felt he got away with keeping all the old coins he was calmer, when the more important issues came up.   

What you brought into the marriage you can take. This is true even if the value is quite different. If you brought in the designer goods then they are yours.  

During our divorce my husband’s solicitor told me this. “If both parties are unhappy, then I know the division of property was fair. If one person is very happy, then it wasn’t.” 

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

About Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again.  https://globalguidetodivorce.com  She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.  

She writes a children’s book series with the latest, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London. Also The Adventures Of Margo, Girl Detective.w

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The Emotional Reality of Self-Representation: Why Good Parents Freeze in Court

The Emotional Reality of Self-Representation: Why Good Parents Freeze in Court

Published on
Gergely Fried
Gergely Fried
McKenzie Friend and Founder of Everyman Justice

Sponsored post by Everyman Justice.

A parent sits at their kitchen table late at night, reading the same court letter for the fourth time. They understand the words individually, but not what is really being asked of them or what might happen if they get it wrong. The hearing is coming. The stakes feel enormous. And despite caring deeply about their child, they feel unable to move forward.

This quiet moment is familiar to many parents representing themselves in the UK family court. While attention often focuses on forms, hearings, and legal outcomes, the emotional reality of self-representation is discussed far less. Yet it is this emotional weight not a lack of commitment or intelligence that often explains why capable, loving parents appear to freeze during proceedings.

Understanding this experience requires looking beyond procedure and recognising the psychological pressure parents are under when navigating a high-stakes system alone.

The Pressure of Getting It “Right”

For parents without legal representation, every letter and every hearing can feel decisive. There is often a belief that one wrong word, missed deadline, or poorly phrased response could permanently damage their relationship with their child.

That pressure creates constant vigilance. Parents reread emails repeatedly, second-guess their wording, and worry about how they will be perceived by professionals they may never meet face-to-face. Over time, this can lead to paralysis rather than clarity.

Some parents delay responding because they fear making a mistake. Others send long, emotionally charged messages because they feel an urgent need to be understood. Both responses are human reactions to fear, not signs of indifference or poor parenting.

When Emotion Collides With Structure

The family court process is structured, procedural, and often impersonal. Emotional experiences, however, are not. Parents are expected to communicate calmly and concisely even when discussing fear, loss, or uncertainty about their child’s future.

This mismatch can be deeply unsettling. Parents may worry that expressing distress will make them appear unstable, while restraining emotion may feel like minimising what truly matters. The result is often an internal conflict between honesty and self-protection.

When parents feel they must choose between being understood and being composed, it is unsurprising that some become hesitant or withdrawn at key moments.

The Myth of “The Court Will Just See the Truth”

Many self-represented parents enter proceedings believing that if they are truthful and reasonable, the system will naturally recognise this. While honesty and cooperation matter, family court decisions are not based on moral certainty.

They are made on how information is presented, assessed, and weighed often through written evidence and professional reports. Parents unfamiliar with this process may assume that the strength of their feelings will translate directly into the strength of their case.

When this does not happen, parents can feel confused or disillusioned. That emotional response may then shape future communication, sometimes leading to withdrawal or heightened frustration.

Fear, Shame, and the Loss of Confidence

Self-representation can also trigger feelings of shame or inadequacy. Some parents worry that representing themselves reflects poorly on them, or that professionals will assume they are less capable because they do not have a solicitor.

These concerns are rarely voiced, but they influence behaviour. Parents may avoid asking questions, hesitate to seek clarification, or agree to things they do not fully understand. In trying to appear cooperative, they may unintentionally sideline their own perspective.

Confidence, once shaken, is difficult to regain in an environment that already feels intimidating.

Finding Small Anchors During Uncertainty

While there is no simple solution to this pressure, some parents seem better able to stay grounded than others. What often helps is not legal expertise, but small forms of emotional structure having one trusted person to talk things through with, writing thoughts down privately before responding, or giving themselves permission to pause rather than react immediately.

These are not strategies for “winning” a case. They are ways of reducing emotional overload so parents can engage more clearly with a process that already demands a great deal from them. Even keeping a simple decision log “Today I received X, I responded with Y” can provide reassurance later that progress is being made, especially during periods when everything feels stalled or uncertain.

The Impact on Parenting During Proceedings

The emotional strain of self-representation does not end at the courtroom door. Parents often carry that stress home, where it can affect sleep, patience, and emotional availability.

Children may notice changes even when parents try to protect them. Increased anxiety, irritability, or withdrawal can be signs of a parent under sustained pressure. This does not indicate failure it reflects the weight of navigating uncertainty alone.

When parents feel overwhelmed, maintaining emotional stability becomes harder, not because they care less, but because they are carrying too much.

Why Emotional Understanding Matters

Recognising the emotional reality of self-representation does not mean lowering expectations or avoiding accountability. It means acknowledging that clarity and confidence are shaped as much by emotional safety as by procedural knowledge.

When parents feel steadier, they communicate more clearly, make fewer reactive decisions, and are better able to focus on their child’s needs rather than their own fear. Even small reductions in anxiety can have a meaningful impact on how parents experience the process and how effectively they participate in it.

What This Means for Parents

Freezing under pressure is not a personal failing. It is often a sign that something deeply important is at stake and that the person involved does not feel safe enough to make a mistake.

Self-represented parents are rarely trying to challenge the system. Most are trying to protect their children while navigating unfamiliar terrain with limited support.

Understanding this emotional reality does not change the law, but it can change how parents experience it. And when parents feel more supported and less afraid of getting things wrong, children are more likely to experience stability during a time of uncertainty.

This article is intended for general information and emotional support only and does not constitute legal advice.

Read more from Gergely Fried

About Gergely Fried

Gergely Fried is a McKenzie Friend, author, and the founder of Everyman Justice. With a background in education and business, and personal experience of child arrangements proceedings, he supports parents navigating the UK family court system with calm, practical guidance and emotional insight. His work focuses on clarity, emotional understanding, and reducing unnecessary conflict, always with the child’s wellbeing at the centre.

His book, Conflict by Design, guides parents step by step through child arrangements proceedings using a realistic case narrative, explaining what to expect in clear, accessible language rather than legal or academic jargon.

Everyman Justice: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/
Support & Help: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/support-and-help/

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The Hidden Challenges Immigrant Parents Face in the UK Family Court
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The Hidden Challenges Immigrant Parents Face in the UK Family Court

Published on
Gergely Fried
Gergely Fried
McKenzie Friend and Founder of Everyman Justice

Sponsored post by Everyman Justice.

UK Family Court

When parents separate, the family court process can feel overwhelming for anyone. But for parents who have moved to the UK from abroad, the challenges are often deeper and more complex. Differences in language, legal systems, cultural expectations, and access to support can turn an already stressful situation into something far more daunting.

Many parents come from countries with different family law systems, communication styles, or cultural attitudes toward questioning authority. In those circumstances, tasks that may appear straightforward, such as completing forms or understanding a Cafcass letter, can feel intimidating and confusing. This article explores the language barriers, cultural misunderstandings, and systemic assumptions that can make the process harder for immigrant parents, and why empathy and clarity matter so much.

When English Is Not Your First Language

Even parents who speak English confidently in everyday life often struggle when faced with legal or formal language. Court correspondence uses specific terminology that carries precise meanings, and these meanings are not always obvious.

Terms such as parental responsibility, fact-finding hearing, or position statement are not part of ordinary conversation. Misunderstanding them can lead parents to respond in ways that unintentionally weaken their position. Some parents worry about appearing uninformed or uncooperative, so they avoid asking questions. That silence may then be misinterpreted as disengagement, when it is actually rooted in fear or uncertainty.

I have spoken to parents who read the same paragraph repeatedly without feeling sure they understood it correctly. The emotional weight of that confusion is often invisible to professionals, but it shapes how confidently or hesitantly a parent participates in the process.

The Emotional Pressure of Navigating Court Alone

Many parents going through family court have some form of support around them. Friends, extended family, or colleagues who are familiar with the UK system can help them make sense of what is happening.

Parents who have moved to the UK more recently often do not have that network. Some have no one they feel comfortable asking for guidance. Others worry that asking the “wrong” question might somehow harm their case. The fear of making a mistake can be paralysing.

When a parent is separated from their wider family and cultural community, the emotional stakes are even higher. The fear of losing contact with a child can feel amplified when there is no familiar support structure nearby. That emotional pressure can affect how parents communicate, how they present themselves, and how they cope with the demands of the process.

Cultural Differences and Misinterpretation

Family dynamics and communication styles vary widely across cultures. In some cultures, avoiding eye contact is a sign of respect. In others, emotional restraint is valued over direct expression. Some parents are raised to defer to authority rather than challenge it.

Within the UK family court system, these behaviours can sometimes be misunderstood. A parent who avoids eye contact may be seen as evasive. A parent who speaks passionately may be perceived as aggressive. A parent who hesitates to question professionals may be viewed as disengaged.

These interpretations are rarely intentional, but they can influence how a parent is perceived. When cultural context is not fully understood, well-intended behaviour can be misread in ways that affect outcomes.

A System That Assumes Prior Knowledge

Court forms and procedures, including C100 applications, C1A allegations, statements, and evidence bundles, often assume a baseline understanding of how the UK legal system operates. For many parents who have moved to the UK, that knowledge was never available to them.

Beyond the forms themselves, many parents are unaware of how decisions are actually made. Family courts operate on the balance of probabilities rather than certainty, which can be unfamiliar to those from different legal traditions.

Without understanding how evidence is assessed or how concerns are framed, parents may approach the process with expectations that do not align with how outcomes are decided. This can lead to frustration, confusion, and a sense that the system is unpredictable or unfair, even when procedures are being followed correctly.

Interpreters and Practical Access to Support

Language support does exist within the family court system, including access to interpreters when requested. However, many parents are unaware that this support is available or feel uncomfortable asking for it.

Clearer information about interpreter availability, alongside plainer language guidance and greater cultural awareness, could help reduce misunderstandings before they affect outcomes. Small changes in how information is explained and how behaviour is interpreted may significantly improve fairness without lowering standards.

Small Steps That Can Make a Difference

While every situation is different, a few approaches can help parents feel more grounded during proceedings:

Taking time to slow down. Court communication often feels urgent, but responding while overwhelmed increases confusion. Reading documents carefully, drafting responses before sending them, and asking for clarification where needed can reduce mistakes.

Separating emotion from structure. Emotional experiences are valid, but court documents usually require clarity and structure. Writing drafts privately before refining them can help parents express concerns in a way the court can engage with.

Keeping simple records. Many parents are unsure what evidence matters. Keeping a basic timeline of key events, copies of important messages, and notes of significant interactions can help parents stay organised and feel more prepared.

Why Empathy Matters for Children

Children are deeply affected by parental stress, even when it is not spoken about directly. Anxiety can show up in disrupted sleep, increased clinginess, or worry about conversations they only partially understand.

When parents feel calmer and more supported, they are better able to provide emotional stability. Clearer communication and reduced stress can help children feel safer during a period of uncertainty, which is ultimately what the family court process aims to protect.

A Closing Reflection

This article is not about criticising the family court system or promoting any particular service. It is an honest reflection on the emotional and practical barriers that parents from abroad often face when navigating an unfamiliar legal environment.

Needing extra explanation does not make a parent less capable. Asking questions does not indicate weakness. Struggling with an unfamiliar system does not reflect on a parent’s ability to care for their child.

Empathy, clarity, and understanding do not change the law, but they can change how families experience the process. And that can make a meaningful difference for both parents and children.

This article is intended for general information and emotional support only and does not constitute legal advice.

About Gergely Fried

Gergely Fried is a McKenzie Friend, author, and the founder of Everyman Justice. With a background in education and business, and personal experience of child arrangements proceedings, he supports parents navigating the UK family court system with calm, practical guidance and emotional insight. His work focuses on clarity, emotional understanding, and reducing unnecessary conflict, always with the child’s wellbeing at the centre.

His book, Conflict by Design, guides parents step by step through child arrangements proceedings using a realistic case narrative, explaining what to expect in clear, accessible language rather than legal or academic jargon.

Everyman Justice: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/
Support & Help: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/support-and-help/

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Finding Calm Amid Separation: A Guide to Self-Care
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Finding Calm Amid Separation: A Guide to Self-Care

Published on

 

Jo Harrison
Jo Harrison Divorce Consultant and Relationship Therapist Family Law in Partnership

American naturalist and writer Hal Borland said, “No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn,” a phrase that is often used
to give hope to people going through something difficult. I know from my experience of working with people who are going through a separation, that it can feel like it really is going on forever, and it can be hard to hold onto the hope of something changing – particularly when people are going through litigation or there is high conflict.

How can you support yourself through this difficult period?

This is often a process that can take a long time and have complex developments both in the practical and physical aspects of your life as well as emotionally and psychologically. These are some of the key aspects I encourage people to think about to support their own care as they go through the process of separating…

1. Prioritise What Matters Most

This is a time of life when you may need to prioritise what is important to you in order to preserve emotional energy and resources. This might mean saying no to things, or being careful about the things you do in order to choose things that feel nurturing or positive to your wellbeing, or to not choose things that you know are going to make you feel drained or worse.

 

2. Set Boundaries Around Communication

Depending on the quality of relationship with your ex, it may be that when you communicate with each other it makes you feel bad or upset or it drains you. It may be that you need to communicate about certain things for example arrangements about the children. It is also possible to set boundaries for yourself around if you feel there are ways you can support yourself. For example, not reading or exchanging emails late at night when this might affect your sleep, or trying to multi task childcare and difficult conversations. Some people even set up separate email accounts so that they can be intentional about the time they read messages from their ex. If it’s possible, try to agree with each other a time that you will check in with each other to catch up regularly rather than drip feed information. (This can work really well for parents to have a time each week where they know they are going to be able to talk about things that need talking about).


3. Pick Your Battles

This may be a more challenging one, but take a moment to reflect whether there is a part of you that gets drawn into difficult communications with your ex. Are you able to pick your battles, or step back from some issues that are not as important as others? This will save your energy and allow you a bit of distance rather than keep taking you back into unhealthy dynamics.


4. Allow Yourself Time to Reflect

It is ok to be sad and to cry. Self-care is not about having a smiley face on all the time. It’s about allowing yourself space to grieve what you have lost, and allowing yourself space to try to understand what has happened.


5. Build a Support System

All of this can be supported by making sure you have a good support system. That does not just mean friends and family. It might mean booking an appointment with the GP to talk about how you are not sleeping. It might mean considering therapy to have a space to be supported with all that you are feeling. It might mean making sure you get the support of all the positive aspects of nature by making sure you have a walk each day, or the good feelings you get from exercise. Take a step back and think about what aspects of life and which people help you to feel better and supported.


6. Recognise When You Need a Break

One of the lawyers at FLiP often reminds people that having a duvet day when you just do not feel like dealing with the legal stuff is totally understandable. All she asks is that it is communicated so that you can think together about how to do what is required. This kind of dynamic thinking about what needs doing on the legal side of things can often get lost or people can feel that they are not allowed to have these kinds of conversations with their lawyers. It is really important that there is an open channel of communication about how you are feeling about doing what you need to do.

7. Reconnect with Your Identity


It’s also important to remember aspects of your identity that are not connected to you getting divorced, since it can feel so overwhelming. Make sure you make time for yourself where you are not focussed on something divorce related. Some people find it a good time to take up a new activity or hobby where they can enjoy new aspects of themselves rather than feeling focussed on all that has happened with their relationship. This may be something to work towards in time as often people can feel too overwhelmed to take on something new. Look at my thoughts on reclaiming your identity after separation here.

8. Be Kind to Yourself During the Holidays


We know that with Christmas around the corner, there are added loads on people’s shoulders, perhaps for some combined with the pressure of feeling you need to make Christmas extra special for the children now that you are separated. Be kind to yourself and do the stuff that makes you feel good and that feels doable, rather than taking on too much and feeling burned out.

Most of all, be compassionate to yourself. We know that divorce is a stressful and emotional time. Listening to yourself and what you need is important and may keep you afloat during this time of navigation.

Read more articles from Jo Harrison

About Jo Harrison

Jo is a Divorce Consultant and Relationship Therapist with Family Law in Partnership. She is very experienced in working with individuals and couples who are separating.  A former family lawyer, Jo has a depth of experience and understands the legal process, which many if her clients find helpful.

If you would like to enquire about support individually in relation to preparing for a divorce or separation, please contact the FLiP relationship support team at E: therapists@flip.co.uk 

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Why You Need a Divorce Team, Not Just a Lawyer
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Why You Need a Divorce Team, Not Just a Lawyer

Published on
chloe-o-contributor
Chloe O.
Alternative Dispute Resolution professional and Certified Divorce Coach
The Divorce and Separation Coach

When people think about divorce, the first professional who comes to mind is usually a lawyer. That is natural, since divorce has an important legal dimension. But relying on one person to guide you through every aspect of divorce is a common mistake. 

I made this mistake myself. During my divorce, my “team” consisted of my lawyer and my parents. I did not know that other professionals could support me. As a result, I agreed to financial arrangements without understanding their long-term consequences. Over time, they proved unsustainable and led to repeated renegotiations, which caused unnecessary conflict.

Divorce affects your finances, your emotional wellbeing, your children, and your long-term future. My experience taught me (the hard way!) that no single professional can provide expert support in all these areas. That is why building a divorce team is one of the most important steps you can take.

Avoiding the “one-person trap”

Money is often the greatest concern when people are separating. Many hesitate to hire more than one professional, worried about costs. Yet the unintended consequence is that they lean on their lawyer for everything: financial advice, emotional support, and sometimes even parenting guidance. This is not only expensive, but also ineffective.

Think of it like surgery on your back. You would need a surgeon, of course, but also a nurse, an anaesthetist, and afterwards a physiotherapist to get you back on your feet. Divorce is no different. You need different professionals working together to ensure every aspect is handled properly: a lawyer for legal advice, a financial adviser for money matters, a divorce coach to help you make the right decisions every step of the way, and emotional support to keep you grounded.

The professionals to consider

A divorce team does not look the same for everyone. The right mix of professionals will depend on your situation. Here are some of the key roles:

  • Lawyer – Advises on your legal rights, prepares divorce documentation, and, if necessary, represents you in court. Some lawyers specialise in areas such as high net worth cases, domestic abuse, or international divorce. Even in countries where a lawyer is not legally required, it is still wise to consult one to ensure your agreement is solid.
  • Family mediator – Works with both partners to negotiate terms, from property division to parenting arrangements. A mediator is impartial and helps keep discussions constructive.
  • Divorce coach – Helps you focus on your future goals, make clear decisions, and approach negotiations with confidence. A coach also provides practical guidance and emotional steadiness.
  • Therapist – Supports you in understanding what went wrong in the relationship, addressing trauma, and maintaining mental health.
  • Financial adviser – Reviews your assets, debts, and income, models long-term implications of settlement proposals, and helps you plan for financial stability after divorce.

While one person may cover two roles, expecting them to manage everything leaves serious gaps.

Choosing the right lawyer

Selecting the right lawyer is one of the most important decisions you will make. Too often people choose based only on price or convenience. One client of mine instructed a lawyer because he was “cheap”. Fifteen months later, she had spent tens of thousands of pounds with no progress and little trust in his advice. She eventually changed lawyers and finally moved forward.

When choosing a lawyer, consider:

  • Do they have experience with your type of case?
  • How do they communicate and how quickly will they respond?
  • Will your case be handled by them personally or mostly by a junior associate?
  • What is their approach to resolving disputes out of court?
  • Can they give you realistic visibility of likely legal costs?

If your divorce involves more than one country, you will also need someone with expertise in international divorce. Look for a lawyer who understands both jurisdictions, speaks your language, and has a network of international advisers, such as tax specialists and immigration lawyers.

How to build your divorce team

A simple exercise can help you identify where you need support. Picture a five-pointed star, with each point representing one area of support: legal, financial, emotional, practical, and personal. Write down the person or professional covering each area. One person can cover two—but no more. If you see gaps, you will know where to add expertise.

This keeps your support balanced and prevents overloading one professional or family member. Your aim is to create a well-rounded team that can carry you through divorce and beyond.

Final thoughts

Divorce is one of life’s most complex transitions. Going through it with only one professional is like attempting surgery with only a surgeon and no nurse or anaesthetist—it is simply not enough. By building a divorce team, you ensure that every dimension—legal, financial, emotional, and practical—is addressed properly.

It may feel like a bigger investment at the start, but a coordinated divorce team saves time, money, and stress in the long run. More importantly, it helps you build a stronger foundation for the next chapter of your life.

Read more articles by Chloe O.

About Chloe O.

“My name is Chloe O., I am an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) professional and a Certified Divorce Coach. I specialise in working with women to help them reduce conflict during and after divorce by improving their negotiation and communication skills with their spouse. The objective is to work towards an amicable divorce outcome in order to minimise the emotional and financial cost of divorce. I work with all types of clients but I have extensive experience in supporting expatriates and international families who are dealing with the unique situation of living abroad during and after their divorce, with limited local family support, language barriers and relocation considerations.”

For more information about my work and services (including my Podcasts, newsletter, myth-buster videos…), you can visit my website and/or follow me on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.

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Help Shape the Future of Support for Separated Families
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Help Shape the Future of Support for Separated Families

Published on
Soila Sindiyo
Dr Soila Sindiyo
Counselling Psychologist and Founding Editor of The Divorce Magazine

We’ve been contacted by Dr Sarah Foley, Lecturer in Developmental Psychology at the University of Edinburgh, about an exciting new research project exploring parenting after divorce or separation.

The Parenting After Divorce or Separation Study aims to better understand family life and children’s wellbeing in different post-separation child arrangements, particularly in families who have not gone through the court system.

This research will help inform future support for separated parents and their children, filling an important gap in what we know about post-separation family experiences.

Who Can Take Part?

The research team is looking to hear from parents who:

  • Have children aged 4–8
  • Live in Scotland or England
  • Are comfortable taking part in English
  • Have been separated for at least six months
  • Have regular contact with their child
  • Do not have a court-ordered child arrangement

What’s Involved?

If you take part, you’ll be asked to:

  • Join a confidential online interview and complete a survey
  • Optionally involve your child in child-friendly storytelling or game-based activities

(These are completely optional and designed to be fun and engaging for children)

Participation is entirely voluntary and confidential.

How to Get Involved

If you meet the criteria above, or know someone who does, you can learn more and register your interest here.

For questions about the study, you can contact Dr Sarah Foley directly at:
sarah.foley@ed.ac.uk

We’ll be sharing the findings of this important research once the study is complete. By taking part, you’ll be helping to build a deeper understanding of how separated families live, parent, and thrive, and how support can be improved in the future.

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Rising Stronger After Divorce
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Rising Stronger After Divorce

Published on
Lucy Newsum
Lucy Newsum
Life Coach
Lucy Newsum Coaching

It is a human truth: divorce is hard. Within that truth is a depth of feeling that is often so visceral it is difficult to communicate. Divorce is not just hard, it is raw, exposing and messy. The loss of love, the untangling of your life from someone else, the sense of shame – it can feel like hitting rock bottom. It requires all our courage, strength and resilience to move through it and emerge stronger on the other side. 

I believe we can move through it, and I believe we can rise stronger. I believe this because I have experienced it. ‘Rising stronger’ was the philosophy I lived by as I healed from my divorce. Today, my mission is to support others to do the same. 

Why it’s so damn hard

Grief and emotional turmoil

With any relationship ending there is grief. Grief for the loss of the other person, the loss of the life you built, the future you imagined and your identity as part of that relationship and marriage. For many there is also another loss at play: the loss of ourselves within the relationship. It’s a triple whammy: loss of the other, ourselves and the life we were living. 

With grief comes an emotional rollercoaster. You might be familiar with the Kübler-Ross model which outlines the five stages of grief: denial (or numbness), anger, bargaining (can lead to rumination), depression (deep sadness) and acceptance. These stages are not linear; it is likely you will bounce back and forth between them. This emotional whack-a-mole is hard, especially as you start to feel better and have some acceptance to then plummet back into anger or sadness. At other times you might find yourself stuck in the grip of a powerful and painful emotion, unable to move through it. Much of my work is about helping us to navigate and process our emotions, without suppressing or devaluing them.  

Loss is also physical 

Research shows that the brain’s response to loss and heartbreak activates the same pain centres triggered by physical injury. The heartbreak of a divorce is not just in your head; we feel it at a deep physical level. It can feel like our heart is breaking. Combine this with the physical separation from a person we have spent time with every day and it’s easy to see we are dealing with a lot. 

Shame and guilt

And if that’s not enough, we also tend to add a good dollop of guilt or shame on top of it all. Guilt at hurting the feelings of someone we loved, or feelings of rejection and low self-worth, or questions of ‘what did I do wrong?’ or ‘why wasn’t I enough?’. 

Our culture contributes to this shame and guilt. The wider narrative around divorce and the opinions of others can leave us feeling like a failure, fuelling the flames of shame

and leaving us lacking in confidence. This all serves to amplify the pain we are experiencing. 

The weight of responsibility 

Amidst all of this we have choices to make and action to take: the legal process, financial decisions, and maybe childcare challenges too. We are dismantling one life and building a new one. This is scary and often overwhelming. But every ending is also a beginning, and we can rise stronger.  

The only way out is through

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt in life so far is that you can’t shortcut your way around the hard moments. The only way out is to go through – gently and one step at a time. 

It is natural to want to avoid or numb the pain of loss. But avoiding, ignoring, suppressing or resisting our feelings are all actually ways that keep that pain alive. We keep the pain trapped in our body rather than accepting it, feeling it, having compassion for it and moving through it. 

Many years ago, I experienced a shattering heartbreak. It was a short relationship, so I judged my pain at its ending to be out of proportion. How could I be so hurt over something that hadn’t lasted long? Grieving it so deeply felt somehow weak, like something was wrong with me. So, I brushed myself off, put the grief into a locked box and got on with my life. Looking back, I can see clearly how that unprocessed and unhealed pain influenced my relationship behaviours and choices, contributed to an internal narrative of shame and limiting beliefs, and gave space to my own very loud and mean inner critic. It shaped how I showed up in my marriage and how I showed up for myself. When I went through my divorce over 10 years later, I finally found myself able to grieve and process that early relationship, which also helped me heal from my divorce, learn from it all and find the road back to myself. 

I love Miranda Hart’s description of going through the hard moments. In her recent book, she describes her journey as finding herself somewhere “…dark. Musty.Dank. A cave. With slimy, muddy walls. I walked along the cold, rock floor until another door at the far end of the cave became faintly visible. Somehow, I knew that door was the one that I would eventually, at the right time, be able to step through. And I would be refreshed”

My marriage and my divorce became my teacher. Slowly, gently, with compassion, I navigated that dark, dank cave. It was a journey of getting to know myself (my patterns, beliefs and values), finding the tools to feel more confident and navigate daily ups and downs, and building a brighter, more joyful and fulfilling life. In short, I went on a journey back to my heart. Today I feel freer, move alive, more empowered and more deeply connected to myself and others than ever before.

You can do the same

There is a light at the end of your dark cave. What if this is the start of a journey to truly discovering yourself and building a more empowered, confident and fulfilled you?

If you’re unsure where to start, here are three things you could focus on: 

  1. Seek out your support network: I recommend your network covers three pillars of support – practical support (legal and financial advice, childcare support etc), emotional support (someone to turn to when you are in the grip of emotion or turning in on yourself) and social support (someone who will get you out of the house and sprinkle some joy). 
  2. Daily wins: at the end of each day write down, or say out loud, three wins from the day. It doesn’t matter how big or small these are – a win could be making the bed that day – the power is in the daily recording of your wins. It trains your brain to start to look for the positives. 
  3. Gentle movement: our physiology has one of the biggest impacts on our emotional state. Movement positively influences our emotional state, enabling us to navigate and shift some of those more painful emotions. 

“The most difficult seasons of life are often preparing us for the most beautiful times ahead. When life falls apart, don’t rush to put it all back together. Sit in the fire and ash of all that once was. You will rise from this with deeper clarity, more wisdom, and a heart primed for peace. This is what grief does when we make room for it. Grief doesn’t break us, it heals us.” – Sheleana Aiyana

About Lucy Newsum

 Lucy Newsum is a life coach and facilitator. She provides coaching for women who want to live and love wholeheartedly. 

www.lucynewsum.com

IG @lucynewsumcoaching

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How Does the Supreme Court's Judgement in Standish Affect You?
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How Does the Supreme Court’s Judgement in Standish Affect You?

Published on
James Pirrie
James Pirrie
Director at
Family Law in Partnership

The short answer is that Standish affects things a bit – but it probably just confirms what a family solicitor would advise you to do anyway.

The longer answer is that highest court of the land has carried out one of its periodic reviews of how to deal with assets at the end of a marriage. Mr and Mrs Standish had considerable assets, much of it built up by Mr Standish before the marriage. They also had a plan to minimise inheritance tax for their children by putting a big slab of Mr Standish’s money in Mrs Standish’s name. When they split, questions were asked:

  1. Did she keep it? 
  2. Was it shared?
  3. Did Mr Standish get it back?

The answer was C.  

Mr Standish got the money back because it was considered to be his separate property and the intention was never that Mrs Standish should benefit from it. There was also enough marital property to meet Mrs Standish’s ongoing needs, such as accommodation and lifestyle. 

Would this be the same if there were more modest assets to share?

If you don’t have such substantial assets, it is less likely to be as simple as dividing marital property (sometimes referred to as the marital pot).  You may need to dip into each spouse’s separate property to meet needs.  Probably the right way now is: 

  1. First, to think carefully about whether an asset is one person’s “separate property”
  2. Secondly consider whether the assets have become shared – and this is all about intention – and now form part of the marital property
  3. Thirdly, you carry out a “needs” assessment, then adjust any division to ensure that children are provided for and that each spouse has a fair start on the road to independent living.

This approach makes clear that there is no simple “split it all 50:50”.

Looking at those 3 elements in turn:

1) Separate property

This is going to include: 

  • What one person owned before the marriage; or
  • What they were given during the marriage, such as an inheritance

This is different from marital property, which is everything built up by or during the relationship.

It is usually possible to clearly identify property/ assets as one or the other – separate or marital.  Although there are still uncertainties, for example where there have been personal injury awards or lottery wins. 

2) Intention to share formerly separate assets

The second stage is all about intention. You don’t just look at whose name an asset is held in, you focus on the intention.  If you went to Court, a Judge would consider “Do the dealings between you show that you intended to convert what was separate into something that was for you both?” If so, the separate assets are matrimonialised, which means they become joint assets and form part of the marital property. As such they are usually (but not inevitably) going to be shared equally.

This might happen over time because:

  • What was separate property is not really so significant after the passage of time, because other assets have built up and the fact that this asset was separately brought in is not such a big deal
  • These monies have been put into joint funds or otherwise scrambled together and over time that shows that they are intended to be relied on by both of you
  • The money has been put into the family home and lived in over a period of time – and what asset is more central to the marriage partnership than that?

There may be other reasons and some situations will be harder to call. For example, what about a pension or even an ISA – these are not assets that you can put in joint names and there may be disagreement over what was said and what was intended during the relationship. 

3) What is the needs assessment?

Needs is a bit like a picnic: you don’t focus so much on who brought what to the picnic, everyone needs to eat and if there is not enough to go around then you work a way to share what there is to make the best of the situation, usually prioritising younger children.

So here the marital property will be shared first, but if necessary the separate assets will also be shared. This can include future income.

What does this mean for the legal process?

Standish is simply telling us to be disciplined and take the steps in sequence to make sure that the right answer is reached.  We need to:

  1. think about whether an asset is really one person’s separate property or marital property; then
  2. consider whether dividing just the marital property will ensure that children are provided for and that each spouse has a fair start towards independent life

And if not:

  1. dip into the separate assets to meet those needs.

Ultimately the decision in Standish is intended to enable a fairer division of assets on divorce, but some things remain less clear. 

For example, imagine Jo who marries Les who has inherited a substantial 3 bed property. Otherwise, their resources are modest, they each earn well and at similar levels. Two years into the relationship, their marriage fails and they decide to divorce. Has the property that Les inherited become part of the marital pot?  What share of it does Jo get?  

If the main home is pretty much always marital property and if marital property is often divided equally, should Jo get half of the home after only 100 weeks of relationship that led to marriage and ended in divorce? We won’t know for sure until the guidance from the Supreme Court is put into practice in the day-to-day cases.

What does this mean for you?

I would suggest that when you are trying to find your solutions, it will almost always be worthwhile getting an “entitlements analysis” carried out by a legal professional.  This will give you a clear indication of what you may each be entitled to and indeed, need, to move forward with your lives. Some of these tests don’t come naturally and unusual situations will generate unusual answers. You are not usually stuck with the analysis, but it will help to know it before you start trying to agree how you are going to go forward: no-one wants to regret their choices years down the road.

Read more articles by James Pirrie.

Read more articles by Family Law in Partnership.

About James Pirrie

James Pirrie is a Director of Family Law in Partnership, a highly regarded law firm based in London, which specialises in de-escalating conflict in family law.  He is an Arbitrator, Family Solicitor and Mediator accredited in child-inclusive mediation.

James is driven to improve long term outcomes for families who are experiencing separation or divorce.  He is credited with introducing collaborative law to the UK and with changing how children’s needs are addressed during family breakdown through the Parenting after Parting initiative. 

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Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Separation, Finances and Children for LGBTQ+ Families
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Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Separation, Finances and Children for LGBTQ+ Families

Published on
Joe Ferguson
Joe Ferguson
Family Law Solicitor
Myerson Solicitors

The end of a relationship is never easy, but for LGBTQ+ couples, navigating the legal and emotional aspects of separation can come with distinct challenges. For LGBTQ+ families knowing your rights is vital – particularly if your family has been formed through surrogacy, adoption or other routes that can carry additional legal considerations.

In this article, we explore how separation works for same-sex and LGBTQ+ couples, how financial matters are resolved, and what options are available when children are involved.

Ending the relationship: divorce and civil partnership dissolution

LGBTQ+ couples have had the legal right to marry since 2013 in England and Wales, and civil partnerships continue to be recognised. Both marriage and civil partnerships can be formally ended through the family court – divorce or dissolution, respectively – and the process is now based on a no-fault system. This means that neither party needs to prove wrongdoing for the legal process to begin.

Whether it is a divorce or a dissolution the procedure is the same: an initial application, followed by a conditional order, and finally, a final order to formally end the marriage or civil partnership.

But while the legal framework is the same for all couples, LGBTQ+ individuals may face different questions when it comes to resolving finances and parenting arrangements, particularly when their relationship pre-dated legal recognition.

Financial matters: reaching a fair outcome

Financial settlements can be one of the most emotive and difficult topics to brooch following separation. Like opposite-sex couples, same-sex spouses and civil partners are entitled to a full range of financial remedies. These can include:

  • Lump sum payments
  • Spousal maintenance
  • Property transfers or sales
  • Pension orders
  • A clean break, ending future financial ties

The court will assess the financial resources, needs and contributions of each party amongst other factors, and aims to reach an outcome that is fair and meets the needs of the parties and any children involved.

However, there can be added complexity when considering assets that were acquired before marriage – especially for couples who lived together for many years. Determining whether these assets are “marital” or “non-marital” can become a key issue, particularly where significant property, pensions or savings are involved. Cohabitation alone does not automatically give rise to legal rights, though it is typically taken into account that any period of seamless cohabitation prior to the date of the marriage or civil partnership when determining the length of the marriage. Accordingly, timelines and clear evidence of cohabitation is often required. It should be noted of course that many LGBTQ+ couples were unable to enter into marriage or civil partnership previously owing to the lack of provision within the law for them. Accordingly, these arguments can be important as evidence of the enduring relationship between the parties. 

Children: supporting parenthood in all its forms

For LGBTQ+ families, parenting often involves a range of routes – from adoption and surrogacy to donor conception. These arrangements can create additional legal considerations during a separation.

The starting point is to establish parental responsibility: the legal authority to make decisions about a child’s health, education, and welfare. Biological and adoptive parents usually have parental responsibility automatically, but others (such as non-birth parents in a surrogacy arrangement) may need to apply for parental orders, declarations of parentage or child arrangements orders. 

If both parents are legally recognised, they may choose to agree parenting arrangements voluntarily. Options include:

  • Mediation: This process can help couples reach agreement on how children will be cared for, where they will live, and how contact will work. Mediation is not legally binding but can lead to a more amicable, cost-effective solution.
  • Collaborative law: This process enables separating couples to work together with trained professionals to resolve disputes without going to court. Everyone agrees to work together as a team to resolve disputes without going to court. 
  • Negotiation: working with solicitors, with the benefit of independent legal advice, to work out what would be best for their family, avoiding costly and potentially acrimonious court proceedings.

If agreement cannot be reached, the family court can make a Child Arrangement Order which is legally binding and sets out the child’s living and contact arrangements. The court’s priority is always the child’s welfare.

Planning ahead for a smoother separation

While the legal system provides equality on paper, LGBTQ+ families may still encounter unique issues when relationships end. The reality is that the law in this area is continues to evolve but has not caught up to the social realities of life as an LGBTQ+ person and the unique family dynamics which are increasingly commonplace. The key to navigating these challenges is early advice and a tailored, bespoke approach that reflects the structure of your family, the history of your relationship, and the complexities involved.

If you are an LGBTQ+ individual facing the challenges associated with separation and need assistance, the team at Myerson Solicitors are here to support you with clarity, empathy and practical expertise.

Read more articles by Myerson Solicitors.

About Joe Ferguson

Joe Ferguson is a solicitor in the Family Law team at Myerson Solicitors. He specialises in divorce, financial remedy proceedings, and complex children matters, with particular expertise in supporting LGBTQ+ clients through family law issues with sensitivity and pragmatism.

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Common Financial Mistakes to Avoid During and After Divorce
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Common Financial Mistakes to Avoid During and After Divorce

Published on
Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

The fear of starting all over again and all the financial worry that can bring with it can understandably have a profound effect on many people going through divorce or separation.

This fear can be particularly acute for those who have not had to deal with financial practicalities such as tax, standing orders and direct debits during their relationship.

If you are going through divorce or contemplating it and are concerned about future finances, this article will help to keep you on the right financial track throughout your divorce and beyond.

Be Open and Honest

Not sharing financial information during a relationship can contribute to problems during divorce proceedings.

One spouse may have no idea where the budget line is – or even where it should be drawn – and may have unrealistic expectations of what they are entitled to, or what is a realistic and affordable.

One spouse may have hidden savings or income from the other or scrutinised the other’s spending without being transparent about their own. On divorce, there is nowhere to hide. It is fundamental that both spouses fully and frankly disclose everything they have to each other as a starting point for an informed negotiation.

The Importance of Financial Disclosure

In every divorce, separating couples must provide to the other full details of their assets, income, pension and liabilities.   This is known as financial disclosure.

Financial disclosure ensures that both spouses can make fully informed decisions about what they consider to be a fair settlement. A failure to disclose anything material to the settlement can in some cases lead to an agreement being set aside. Lawyers and judges know every trick in the book and will ask questions if they suspect that money has been concealed. They may even employ forensic accountants to track down missing assets.

Don’t be tempted to hide money in offshore banks. These still have to be disclosed.  If you do not provide everything that is necessary to understand the financial position, family courts have the power to question your accountant, your financial advisor and even your bank manager.

Setting up a new business shortly before separation may well be seen as suspicious or even a deliberate attempt to hide assets.  Taking steps designed to put money beyond the reach of your spouse could lead to injunctions being made against you, freezing assets, or ordering the return of monies from third parties.  In the long run, actions such as these are highly unlikely to succeed and will almost certainly damage your credibility in the eyes of the court.

The Penalties of Concealing Assets

If it later comes to light that you have withheld material financial information during the financial disclosure process, your spouse might be able to ask the court to set aside the Financial Consent Order and relook at what would be a fair order – taking into account all the assets, including those not previously disclosed.

The court can also make an order that you pay your ex’s legal costs. In the worst-case scenario, deliberately withholding financial information in breach of a court order can amount to a contempt of court for which a range of penalties (including ultimately imprisonment) could be imposed.

Include Pensions in Financial Settlements

Frequently overlooked in financial settlements, pensions are frequently one of the most valuable assets of a marriage. They often make up the second highest- value asset in a divorce settlement after the family home – or sometimes the highest.

It is key that information about pensions is made available in the financial disclosure process which must include details of all pensions, including state pensions – and the value of each one.

The most common way in which a disparity in pensions is addressed in a divorce settlement is pension sharing.  Pension sharing splits the pensions immediately and provides a clean break

As an alternative, in some cases ex-spouses prefer to take a greater share of the equity in the family home or other capital, as a trade-off for a share of the other’s pension.

Some divorces may involve several pension arrangements so it is important to consider which arrangements should be shared, and to what extent.  Pensions are complex and, save in very straightforward cases with pensions of limited value, it is important to get specialist advice about them before agreeing a settlement.

The pension share may be internal (when the recipient becomes a member of the scheme) or external when the share must be invested in an existing or new arrangement of the receiving party. Care should be taken to obtain details of the cost of any transfer.

In deciding what is best for them, the couple need to consider how their respective financial needs will be met and what other assets are available for distribution.

Consider Financial Planning

It can be helpful to have financial advice during settlement negotiations.  Many financial advisers use cashflow modelling, which can be a valuable way of how different settlement options might pan out in the future. In processes such as collaborative practice or mediation, it is quite common to bring a financial adviser into the process as a neutral to help the discussions.  Further financial advice can then be taken on an individual basis when settlement terms are clear.

Get a formal Financial Order

Once a financial settlement is agreed, it is almost always best for the terms agreed to be made final and binding in a court order. This is a legally binding document which details the main assets owned by divorcing couples and sets out the financial arrangements agreed between them. The terms of an order are binding and can be enforced through the courts if there are any problems putting those terms into effect.

It is important to understand that the divorce process itself does not dismiss financial claims which  can be pursued many years after the divorce has been finalised provided the person bringing the application has not remarried. Putting off the conversation at the time of separation can sometimes just be kicking the can down the road.

Try to avoid exceeding your budget

I am not a financial adviser, but these are some pointers which might be useful to think about:

  1. Create a ‘to do’ list of all things financial (bills etc) and an aspirational list to set goals for enjoyable things such as treats and breaks
  2. Consider having two bank accounts – one for day-to-day expenses for the house, food, car and associated expenses, direct debits, standing orders and credit card payment. The second is for setting aside some savings for exceptional expenses such non-essential clothing, holidays, and house repairs.
  3. Set out the absolute and exact payments needed every month for your house and family
  4. Know when your maintenance payments arrive and budget accordingly. Ensure standing orders don’t go out before your monthly payments are due in
  5. Apply to your Council for a 25% council tax discount. The concession applies if you are on your own or have younger children
  6. Expand your support network if you’re on your own or have children. Now is an ideal time as the country emerges from lockdown
  7. Take professional advice on preparing and budgeting for your own retirement
  8. Make a will. If you have a pension or life assurance, ensure it includes your chosen beneficiaries and is updated. Review it every few years.
  9. Stay healthy in body and spirit – try new things. You could also consider engaging a life or Divorce coach who specialises in helping people in your situation prepare for their new future

Spousal Maintenance and Child Maintenance

Remember that Spousal Maintenance will usually be paid for a period of time to enable you to adjust to financial independence or when your financial needs are reduced, for example, when your children finish school or university, or leave home.

Be aware that your spousal maintenance will stop if you remarry or enter into a civil partnership or if either of you dies. It could also be affected if you meet a new partner and move in together

It is also important to plan for when child maintenance – which is mandatory for both parents for children under sixteen and youngsters under twenty who are still in full time education – comes to an end.

As part of our holistic approach, Jones Myers advises and guides our clients through the stages of divorce during and after their divorce.

A champion of non-confrontational divorce and resolving issues in a spirit of collaboration and cooperation, our extensive expertise includes alternative to avoid courts which include mediation and collaborative family law.

Our pre-divorce and post- divorce support includes helping them to stay on the right financial track as they embark on the next chapter of their lives.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

About Nicki Mitchell

With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns.

Direct Dial: 01904 202553 or email  Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk. Website: www.jonesmyers.co.uk

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