Dating Coach
Author of The Global Guide to Divorce
There is a famous quote that people come into our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime. This is particularly true after divorce when we are moving on and facing different situations. People come into our lives at the right time. Maybe they are only meant to be there for a season. Perhaps you both are getting over an abusive marriage or traumatic divorce and you help each other get started on the road to recovery. Having a kindred spirit who understands your journey makes life easier. In some cases, the friendship drifts apart after getting through the issue. The season is over.
Other relationships can be about a reason. We a have a specific lesson to learn. Two divorced women in my city were lonely and each wanted to move away hoping to make more connections elsewhere. They met each other and clicked. They took day trips exploring new places in their locale. They had great times together. Each enlarged their circle of friends and decided to stay in the city. Although not close now, their relationship had a reason. To appreciate where they live and make connections there.
Other relationships can start out casually and turn into a lifetime one. Two trauma nurses on my unit were friendly on the job. They enjoyed talking to each other, nothing romantic. We would go out after work to clubs, drink too much and dance to cool music. After a year, those two co-workers looked at each at a gathering and saw each other in a different light. A spark turned into a raging fire and they have been happily married for two decades.
Relationships are not static
They can be intense, then then almost nonexistent especially if one moves away, then closer again. People connect at different speeds. Give the other person time and space. One couple who are close now, laugh about their beginning. She was more cautious and took things slowly. He was used to diving quickly into a romantic relationship. He told his buddies she didn’t seem interested. She told her girlfriends she found her true love.
Enjoy the relationship right now
Do not fantasize what it could be. Stay in reality. Allow the relationship to unfold. Enjoy the moment. We do not know when something may change. One woman was crazy about a musician post-divorce. Things moved quickly. She met people and enjoyed the music scene. The relationship came to an abrupt end. He was unable to handle being emotionally close to anyone. Lauren was able to move on since her motto had been to enjoy the moment and realize the good things she had experienced with him.
Do not have expectations
These can get in the way of a relationship whether a love interest or a platonic friend. Take it as it comes. People who have had unrealistic expectations have had disappointments.
When wanting to move on and have relationships post-divorce, consider making new connections by joining special interest groups. Follow your interests. It’s easier getting to know someone when their share your passions.
Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.
About Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. https://globalguidetodivorce.com She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.
She writes a children’s book series with the latest, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London. Also The Adventures Of Margo, Girl Detective.
