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Trust Your Intuition in Divorce
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Trust Your Intuition in Divorce

Published on
Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller
Dating Coach
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

During divorce proceedings, listen to your gut instinct It can steer you in the right direction. When something seems a bit off, go with your feelings rather than trying to rationalise what your intuition is telling you. When a negotiation appears to be acceptable, yet does not seem quite right, take a pause. Say you require more time. Then get in touch with your gut feelings.

What is intuition?

The Max Planck Institute in Berlin states that intuition is a “form of unconscious intelligence.” It is derived from the Latin verb intueri which means to look inside.  When feeling caught in a whirlwind of emotions, it is challenging to get in touch with your intuition. Thoughts are rapidly swirling around in your brain nonstop. Is there a message persistently trying to grab your attention? Stop and listen to it. Meditation helps many to calm their minds and be in a more receptive state. Do not try and rationalise your feeling.

HeartMath Institute describes three types of intuition. The nonlocal one is “knowledge or a sense of something that cannot be explained by past or forgotten knowledge.” You receive information intuitively of the best course of action to take. Listen without trying to analyse it.  When discussing various options during divorce, pause and get in touch with your feelings. Ask for a break when feeling uncomfortable or being pushed into something. What is your gut instinct saying?  HeartMath talks about the “interconnectedness of everything in the universe.” An example is when a person has a sudden realisation that an individual in a distant locale has died. This knowledge cannot be explained.

Do not argue with gut instinct

Listening to my instinct during my divorce saved me over £30,000.  I got the feeling to go to a grocery store where I do not shop. Then stand in front of the milk. That was ludicrous. My gut feeling seemed totally bonkers. Eventually I gave in and did that. The key person for divorce finances had decided to buy milk at that time.  My mum, husband and I had put money into buying our marital home. My mum lost the papers and the bank had been sold. I was told that I would have to give my husband 1/3 of the house value. The banker who handled this transaction a decade earlier, had remembered it and said my mother paid more and I only owed 1/6 to my husband.  I promptly called my solicitor’s office and put this woman on the line.  When I stopped judging the message, I was able to act on it.

In another case, a friend did not listen to a strong gut feeling and that later caused a problem with co-parenting. Anita felt the marital home should be sold and each of them buy a new residence. She let her husband buy her out. Instead of the teens going to two new places, they mainly stayed in their familiar rooms in the marital home after their activities. The son had visits with his mother, the daughter did not. She wanted to stay in her room and not go out. The father kept saying how Anita had left them and moved out. Two new places would have made the false claim of abandonment unrealistic. The son was able to see through it, but not her daughter. The girl still refuses to be in contact with Anita. Stand your ground and listen to your gut feeling even if you do not understand it.

Whether you feel a prick of danger walking down a deserted street or when negotiating maintenance in a solicitor’s office, be aware of your gut instinct. Your intuition has your best interest at heart.

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.  https://globalguidetodivorce.com     

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.

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Divorce – It’s a Balance Between the Emotional Stress, the Cost and the Return!
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Divorce – It’s a Balance Between the Emotional Stress, the Cost and the Return!

Published on
Peter Marples
Peter Marples
Editor at The Divorce Magazine
Director at Fair Result

Many of you know I was the founder of a progressive family law practice Fair Result with my business partner Christopher Sweetman.

The practice is not apologetic that we are a challenger brand but in the past 4 years we have become a major practice in England, with unique partnerships including the Professional Footballers Association and winning countless awards, both in the UK and Internationally.

Whist a number of our clients could be seen to be ‘wealthy’, by no means all of them – indeed 75% of them are not in this category.

We have a wide spread profile of clients, representing the whole of society and we will often take on a client who has no money to fight their divorce in terms of fees. This is exactly the reason we set up the practice.

As a non-lawyer, it never ceases to amaze me how ruthless lawyers are when it comes to their fees. I was brought up to focus on my clients and the returns would ultimately follow, not think of myself first and that customers are way down the line of those we should be focussed on.

In the past four years, I have witnessed opposing clients dropped by lawyers because they can’t see a future income stream, that client engagements are paused because lawyers don’t have visibility of their fees over the next few months and a total destain for client’s emotions and challenges.

Don’t get me wrong, we need to be paid for what we do. We aren’t a charity, but there does come a point at which clients should be respected for what they are ‘those that pay the wages and the overheads’.

We set up Fair-Result to do exactly that, client first! We do have challenges with clients paying but this is always at the end of a process, and we share the risk in that as the process progresses.

There is never a week goes by in our business where we receive a call from someone that we spoke to over 2 years ago. A call which starts in the normal way. ‘Hi, its… remember me’ followed by our response that is ‘Yes, how are things’. The same line always follows – the fact that frankly nothing has progressed in the previous two years, they have spent some money, but not a lot and are now in a place where they simply don’t know what to do, and their legal advisors are not offering much in the way of solutions.

Nothing surprises us anymore.

However, in the past three weeks alone, we have received at least five calls such as this, one with £m’s in the marital pot, another with a not inconsiderable number of rental properties and a third instance where the wife (our potential client) is starved of cash and assets, despite there being considerable funds to distribute, in the form of Public Sector pensions, a marital home and some limited investments.

During my own divorce, I used to call my former wife ‘penny wise and pound foolish’. She would argue about the pennies but forget about the substance of the whole pot we were arguing about and spend endless thousands with her lawyers arguing about where I had taken the latest EasyJet flight too.

So, what is the purpose of this article? Quite simply it is to present a position that when undergoing a divorce, you are balancing up three key things:

  • Your emotions
  • The cost
  • The reward or result in terms of financials and in many cases the impact on the children.

So, if you are arguing about £50,000 or £5m the principle is the same.

You have to invest to get the result you want, or you will one of those people calling us up after two years having got nowhere.

But I hear you say, I don’t have the cash? To fight them.

Well, that is where Fair Result comes in. The ONLY fixed fee financial divorce settlement business in the UK. And guess what, you pay nothing until the financial agreement has been signed by both parties, whether it takes us 2 months or 2 years to finalise.

We share the risk with you, our aim is to minimise the emotional stress but above all it is to get you exactly what you are entitled too.

So, stop plodding on for two years, when you know you won’t get anywhere, spending £500 here and there when that is all you can afford, getting more and more wound up about your spouse’s behaviour and spending habits.

Get it closed off, sorted out and you too can move on both emotionally and financially.

As we get older, we begin to realise that life is short, the years clock off quicker than you want them too. Why spend 2 years getting nowhere when you can contact the Fair Result team, and it will cost you nothing until your divorce is sorted – absolutely nothing.

Contact Peter at peter@fair-result.co.uk 24/7 and you will be guaranteed of a response within 30 minutes. A fixed fee, set from the outset and nothing to pay until your divorce is settled.

If you can get a better offer than this contact us and we will do your divorce for absolutely nothing, irrespective of its complexity – GUARANTEED!

Read more articles by Peter Marples.

About Peter Marples

Peter Marples – Director of Fair Result and qualified accountant, with the determination to change the way divorce is transacted. For further advice on financial settlements and navigating divorce, use the contact details below:

  • Email
  • Give the team a call – 07500933818 or 0333 577 7009
  • Complete an enquiry form

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Navigating the Division of Your Property During a Divorce

Published on
Tom Floyd
Tom Floyd
Marketing Director
Webuyanyhouse.co.uk

Divorce is a challenging experience filled with complex emotions and big decisions. Among the many issues to address, you will need to decide the fate of the family home. The family home often holds substantial emotional value, making decisions about its future particularly difficult. By understanding your options and approaching the process with open communication, you can work towards a resolution that best suits both yourself and your ex’s needs. Our guide aims to offer an insight into what to expect from the process, helping you along this challenging journey.

Understanding Your Legal Position

One of the first steps to understand is the legal side of property ownership during a divorce. If you jointly own the property, you will share rights and responsibilities. This includes financial obligations such as mortgage payments and property taxes. However, it also grants you rights to potential profits if the property is sold.

To fully gauge your legal standing and the implications for the property, consulting with a divorce lawyer is strongly recommended. They can provide expert guidance on

  • How will your financial contributions to the property impact its division?
  • How do pre-nuptial agreements influence property ownership? (If relevant)
  • The potential legal consequences of the options available to you.

Understanding your legal rights and entitlements can help you make informed decisions about the future of your family home.

At this point, it’s a good idea to consider other joint financial commitments you may have:

Joint Financial Commitments

Dividing shared finances extends beyond the property. Joint bank accounts require immediate attention. Contact your bank to inform them of the separation and consider setting spending limits to prevent unauthorised withdrawals.

Mortgage and Loan Solutions

Handling a joint mortgage during a divorce requires careful consideration. Several options exist:

  • Refinancing: Both parties can apply for separate mortgages on their new residences.
  • Transferring ownership: One partner can assume sole ownership of the property and refinance the mortgage.
  • Selling the property: If neither partner wishes to retain ownership, selling the property and dividing the proceeds is an option.

We recommend consulting a financial or mortgage advisor to help you find the best option based on your financial circumstances.

Exploring Your Options

Once you’ve clarified your legal position and financial situation, it’s time to consider your options for the family home. The primary choices are to sell or retain the property.

Selling the Family Home

If both of you agree that selling the home is the best course of action, here are some things to consider:

  • Valuation: Accurately assessing the property’s market value will allow you to determine an accurate sale price.
  • Mortgage balance: Comparing the property’s value to the outstanding mortgage will help you understand if you can cover the payments after a sale.
  • Living arrangements: Consider the financial implications of finding new accommodation.
  • Market conditions: Understanding the current housing market can influence the timing of the sale and potential sale price.

Retaining the Property

If one of you wishes to remain in the family home, buying out the other’s share is an option. This involves:

  • Property valuation: Determining the property’s fair market value.
  • Financial arrangements: Agreeing on the purchase price and payment terms.
  • Mortgage refinancing: The remaining partner may need to refinance the mortgage.

It’s important to weigh the pros and cons of each option carefully. Factors such as emotional attachment, financial implications, and long-term plans should be considered. 

Navigating the Property Division Process

Going through a divorce is typically an extremely emotional time, which can be aggravated further if you decide to sell your home. To manage this process more effectively and reduce the emotional impact on yourself, it’s vital that you try to visualise the property as a financial asset rather than an emotional bond.

Here are some strategies to help you handle the situation:

  • Prioritise Practical Considerations: Before starting the process, establish clear agreements on details like the home’s market value and the acceptable sale price. By understanding this from the start, you will reduce running the risk of misunderstandings later on in the process.
  • View the sale as a Step Forward: Selling the property is an opportunity to move on to a new chapter in your life. Allowing the sale to flow can ensure a smoother and quicker transition.
  • Consider Mediation if Needed: Disagreements are common when dealing with a property during a divorce. If they do arise, mediation can be an effective way to resolve any conflict and reach a fair agreement.

 Pricing Strategy

Determining a sale price for your property is critical in ensuring a smooth transaction. To speed up the sale, consider pricing your home slightly below market value to create more interest and attract more buyers. If this approach isn’t yet achieving the desired results and you’re eager to get the property off your hands, reach out to a property professional. They specialise in fast property sales, helping you move forward with your life without the hassle of the open market.

It’s also essential to communicate openly with your ex-partner about your expectations for the sale price. If direct negotiations prove difficult, involving an estate agent can be beneficial. Estate agents can mediate discussions, facilitate negotiations, and help both parties reach a fair agreement, aiming to keep the process as seamless and amicable as possible. 

To Conclude

By adhering to the steps outlined in our guide and maintaining open communication with your ex-partner, you can navigate the process with confidence. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Estate agents and legal representatives are available to support you throughout the entire process, helping to reduce any stress or tension that may come up.

Approaching the situation with respect and care can help you reach a decision that benefits everyone involved.

About Tom Floyd

We Buy Any House have over 16 years of experience in delivering a quick and hassle-free house sale for thousands of customers. They specialise in supporting customers going through difficult life events, such as divorce, by offering a quick and stress-free property sale. Their team of specialised experts will guide you through the process, taking care of all legal aspects so you don’t have to.

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Healing the Hidden Roots of Divorce with 8 Transformative Steps
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Healing the Hidden Roots of Divorce with 8 Transformative Steps

Published on
Johanna Lynn
Johanna Lynn
Founder
The Family Imprint Institute

Divorce can feel like it shatters your world, leaving you adrift in a sea of emotional turmoil.

What if the storm you’re weathering isn’t entirely your own?

What if the undercurrents pulling you under have their origins in the lives of those who came before you?

The science of epigenetics reveals a startling truth … we carry more than just our parents’ physical traits. We inherit their emotional patterns, their fears, their struggles, and their unresolved pain.

These invisible legacies shape our relationships, the way we navigate the stormy seas of separation, and the path forwards to divorce recovery.

Inheriting More Than Brown Eyes, How Family History Colors Your Divorce

Your grandmother, widowed young, faced years of financial strain. Though you never knew her story, you find yourself obsessively stockpiling groceries, gripped by thoughts of ‘what if I don’t have enough’.

This is the echo of your grandma’s life experience, reverberating through time, amplified by your own divorce-induced instability.

You are not destined to drown in this inherited pain or financial struggle. By shining a light on the experiences that live in your family tree, you can break free from family patterns to let go of old baggage and move forward lighter.

Unearthing Your Roots

Your journey begins with exploration.

  • Map out your family tree but seeking out the family stories by asking about any difficulties and life circumstances that might be hidden in old photographs and hushed conversations.

  • Discover what experiences did your grandparents face?

  • How did your parents navigate their own relationship challenges?

  • Do any of them seem familiar to your own struggles or patterns or any uncanny coincidences?

  • Be sure to include the resilience & what family members had to overcome.

As you uncover these buried narratives, let them flow onto the pages of a journal. Don’t simply write about the facts, but most importantly, express how they resonate within you.

Do you see echoes of their struggles, similar situations or circumstances, in your own divorce experience?

Illuminating Your Path

The road ahead may seem overwhelming, but remember, countless others have walked this similar path before you.

There’s wisdom to be gained from those who have studied the generational patterns that we all have within our family. Perhaps by seeking out this knowledge and support, you can begin to untangle the complex web of inherited experiences from your own unique journey.

As you learn to recognise the echoes of your family’s past in your present struggles, you’ll gain the tools to separate your own story from theirs. By embracing this process, you open the door to profound transformation and a future shaped by your own choices, not just your inherited past.

Your divorce, painful as it may presently feel is, presents a powerful opportunity for transformation. It’s a chance to break free from cycles that may have silently shaped your family for generations.

8 Steps To Nurture A Broken Heart

  1. Set aside time each day for reflection or journalling to release what has been held inside, sometimes for years. Free yourself by intentionally letting go of resentments, hurts and old stories.

  2. Consider the connection between your family history and your own experiences. Something powerful can shift within when understanding that some of your deeply rooted patterns may have influenced some of your choices.

  3. Here are some suggested questions for you to explore:

    • Who am I now, after loving this person, sharing our lives together, who am I on the other side of this relationship?
    • What have I learned about myself?
    • How do I relate to love?
    • What have I learned about the parts of myself that I avoid in relationship?
    • What positive parts am I bringing along with me?

  1. Let’s turn your attention towards your body. Take notice:

    • What feelings are you carrying today?
    • Are some weighing you down unnecessarily?
    • Take a moment to take a few deep breaths, give yourself time each day for calming breathing exercises, to gradually lighten your emotional pain.

  1. Step into your financial fresh start. Create an outline that aligns with your newly defined values. This isn’t just about practical needs—it’s about fostering a sense of security and choices that feels supportive to your new life.

  2. Connection is key for healing. You might reach out to dear friends or those you haven’t connected with in awhile. Take a walk or enjoy time in a cafe together.

  3. Practice Self-Compassion. Treat yourself with the kindness you would offer to a friend. This helps break cycles of self-criticism that may be rooted in your family history.

  4. Get clear on what you’d like your next chapter to look like by visualising your future. Spend time imagining the life you want to create as this positive focus can be a powerful motivator during tough times.

By embracing these steps, you’re not merely surviving divorce—you’re sowing the seeds for profound transformation.

You’re cultivating self-awareness, nurturing emotional resilience, and consciously shaping the new chapter of your life.

This journey of growth isn’t just about you; it’s a ripple effect of healing that extends to your children, offering them a powerful example of resilience and the tools required for their own emotional well-being – for generations to come.

Read more articles by Johanna Lynn.

About  Johanna Lynn

Johanna Lynn is the founder of The Family Imprint Institute with over 20 years of experience. She specialises in supporting individuals navigating divorce, helping them uncover the root causes behind their separation. Johanna uses innovative mind-body techniques to illuminate how family dynamics influence relationships, providing clients with deep insights, clarity and healing.

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Preparing for Divorce – A Guide to Gathering the Right Paperwork
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Preparing for Divorce – A Guide to Gathering the Right Paperwork

Published on
Chris Sweetman
Chris Sweetman
Editor at The Divorce Magazine
Director at Fair Result

Preparing for a divorce can be an overwhelming process – especially when it comes to gathering the necessary paperwork. This guide will help you understand what documents you need and how to organise them effectively.

By being well-prepared, you can streamline the divorce process and potentially save time and money.

Having all your documents in order also gives you a clearer picture of your situation, which can be invaluable when making important decisions.

Financial Documents

Start by collecting all relevant financial documents. Having a clear picture of your financial situation is crucial for fair asset division and potential spousal maintenance calculations. Also, it’s important to be mindful of hidden assets. These typically include:

  • Bank statements for the past 12 months
  • Credit card statements
  • Mortgage documents or rental agreements
  • Payslips and P60 forms
  • Tax returns for the past three years
  • Pension statements
  • Investment account statements
  • Documentation of any debts or loans

Property and Asset Information

Gather documents related to your property and assets. These documents will help determine the total value of your marital assets for equitable distribution.

  • House deeds or lease agreements
  • Vehicle registration documents
  • Valuations of high-value items (e.g., jewellery, art, antiques)
  • Business ownership documents, if applicable

Personal Identification Documents

Ensure you have copies of essential personal documents. These documents may be required for various legal procedures during the divorce process.

  • Birth certificates for you and any children
  • Marriage certificate
  • Passport
  • Driving licence

Child-Related Documents

If you have children, collect the relevant paperwork. This information will be vital if child arrangements need to be determined as part of the divorce proceedings.

  • School records
  • Medical records
  • Child benefit information
  • Any existing custody or visitation agreements

Other Legal Documents

Gather any existing legal documents that may be relevant. These documents can significantly impact the divorce proceedings and outcomes.

  • Prenuptial or postnuptial agreements
  • Previous court orders or judgments
  • Separation agreements
  • Wills or trusts

Organising Your Paperwork

Once you’ve gathered all the necessary documents, it’s time to organise them effectively. Create a filing system, either physical or digital, that works for you. This might involve using folders, binders, or cloud storage solutions.

Make copies of all important papers. Keep one set for yourself and prepare another for your solicitor.

Store the originals in a secure location, such as a safe deposit box or a locked filing cabinet at home.

Consider using a spreadsheet to track and summarise financial information. This can be particularly helpful for complex financial situations.

Being organised will help you and your solicitor navigate the divorce process more efficiently. It can also reduce stress by giving you a sense of control over the situation.

Final Thoughts

Gathering the right paperwork for your divorce may seem daunting, but it’s a crucial step in ensuring a fair and smooth process. Following this guide and consulting with your solicitor will prepare you to move forward with your divorce proceedings.

Remember, thorough preparation can lead to better outcomes and potentially reduce the stress and duration of the divorce process.

While collecting and organising all these documents may take time and effort – doing so will ultimately serve you well as you navigate this challenging life transition.

If you’re unsure about any aspect of document gathering, don’t hesitate to seek advice from your solicitor. They can provide guidance specific to your situation and ensure you haven’t overlooked any crucial paperwork.

Read more articles by Fair Result.

Read more articles by Chris Sweetman.

About Chris Sweetman

Chris Sweetman is an independent family solicitor and director of Fair Result – An award-winning law office who pride themselves on using innovative ways to help clients through the stress and complications of a marriage breakdown.

Chris can be contacted on 07500933818 or via email chris@fair-result.co.uk.

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The Dangers of DIY Divorces
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The Dangers of DIY Divorces

Published on
Emma Alfieri
Emma Alfieri
Legal Director
Greene & Greene Solicitors

Since fault free divorce law came into effect on 6th April 2022, it has become much easier for parties to complete a DIY divorce without seeking legal advice. Whilst the changes were welcomed, the new law has resulted in many DIY divorcees not understanding the law and/or encountering problems along the way.

One common (and wrong) assumption is that the Final Order of divorce automatically prevents an ex-spouse from making financial claims in the future. This is false. The only way to achieve a legally binding financial “clean break” is for the parties to also submit a separate signed Consent Order to the Court embodying the financial agreement they have reached. If this additional step is not taken, an ex-spouse is entitled to make financial claims against their former spouse in the future, even after they are divorced and the assets have been divided.

A trigger for a financial claim by an ex-spouse months or years after the divorce could be, for example, if a former spouse later accumulates wealth, such as by inheritance or lottery win. This situation can be stressful and expensive to sort out and therefore it is always advisable to enter into a Consent Order at the time of divorce.

In some DIY divorce cases the parties may be aware of the requirement to have a Consent Order but do not take advice before signing the document.   This could result in a binding Order that excludes valuable assets or income that cannot later be re-visited.

Another common mistake is some of the less obvious assets of the marriage such as pensions and business interests are overlooked, instead focussing on property alone. The pension assets of a marriage can be some of the most valuable assets and are often ignored resulting in a poor outcome for the party with the lower pension provision.

Timing is another factor that can get overlooked. For example, a divorce lawyer would usually recommend a final Order of Divorce is not applied for until financial matters have been resolved and a Consent Order approved by the Court (but not in all circumstances). There could also be consequences if a party re-marries before they have properly dealt with financial matters.

Believe it or not, every case is different. The individual facts need to be applied to each set of circumstances. Whilst many DIY divorcees will scour the internet for advice, there are no on-line resources that provide the answer to every single situation/scenario.  That’s why is it is always advisable to take legal advice early on, even if that advice is limited to just one consultation.

In conclusion, whilst a DIY divorce will always be the cheapest option, it is important that parties going through divorce can properly understand what they need to do, when, and to consider any other factors they may not have thought about.  This will ensure parties do not find themselves in a position where their quest to save money could be a decision they later live to regret.

This article is only intended to be a summary and not specific legal advice.

Read more articles by Emma Alfieri.

About Emma Alfieri

Emma Alfieri is a Legal Director at Suffolk firm Greene & Greene Solicitors.

Emma advises on all aspects of family law, including divorce and associated financial matters, disputes between cohabitants and child related disputes.

A member of Resolution, Emma is committed to resolving disputes as positively and agreeably as possible whilst also being motivated to obtain the best possible outcome for her clients.

Since 2012 Emma has been consistently recommended by the Legal 500 on an annual basis and in the most recent 2024 edition Emma is ranked as a “rising star”.

As an advocate of fault free divorce, Emma lobbied at Parliament with other members of Resolution in 2016 to bring about the recent changes to divorce law.

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Family Mediation and ‘MIAMs’: Recent Rule Changes. Young people sitting in a circle and having a group discussion.
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Family Mediation and ‘MIAMs’: Recent Rule Changes

Published on
Emma Alfieri
Emma Alfieri
Legal Director
Greene & Greene Solicitors

Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings (MIAMs) have been compulsory in Family Court proceedings since 2014.

MIAMs – What are they?

‘Mediation’ is a method of resolving disputes through an independent third party, known as a mediator. Their purpose is to assist parties in negotiating a settlement.

MIAMs are a meeting which considers and explains the potential benefits of mediation and other non-court dispute resolution (NCDR) methods. During this meeting, the mediator will provide an indication as to the method that would be most suitable to resolve the prospective applicant’s particular dispute. If you are looking to apply to the court to settle your divorce or separation issues, it is a legal requirement that you first attend a MIAM.

The Rules – What’s changing?

  1. MIAM Exemptions:

The courts are looking to update their rules around the obligations to attend a MIAM, and, from 29th April 2024, they will be introducing various changes to reflect this.

If a MIAM exemption applies, then a prospective applicant will not be required to attend a MIAM.

Previously, an application for a MIAM exemption could be accepted in the absence of any supporting evidence. The new Rules, however, require said evidence to be attached to the application.

The courts will make an initial inquiry into whether the exemption is valid, and this will be subject to an ongoing review. If an exemption is deemed invalid, the court may direct parties to attend a MIAM, and possibly adjourn proceedings for that purpose.

In these circumstances, parties are encouraged to engage with the MIAMs because the court will take parties’ conduct into account when considering whether to make an order for costs in relation to the proceedings.

Why?

A stricter approach to the MIAM exemptions means that it will be harder to avoid a MIAM. You may be asking, what are the benefits of this? Well, by exploring NCDR at an early stage, you might be able to (amicably) reach an agreement, and avoid both the time and money involved in issuing court proceedings. Early resolution can also aid in preserving relationships; this may be particularly important in cases where co-parenting is involved.

What else?

April 2024 also brings with it a new MIAM exemption. If a prospective applicant can provide written evidence that they have attended a NCDR process within the 4 months prior the date of the court application (in relation to the same, or substantially the same, dispute to which the proposed court proceedings relate), then an exemption applies. This will ensure that prospective applicants are not unnecessarily directed to attend a NCDR. ‘Written evidence’ is obtained once a NCDR provider has confirmed that the applicant has attended.

  1. An insight into parties’ attitude:

From 28th April 2024, the court is introducing a new Rule for those commencing either financial remedy proceedings or private law proceedings related to children. Applicants who fall within the relevant criteria must now file with the court, and serve on all parties, a form setting out their views on using NCDR as a method of settling.

Why?

The court has introduced this requisite to monitor and identify whether NCDR is a suitable alternative for parties. Requiring parties to record their views about NCDR on paper will encourage them to think outside of the box (or indeed the court room) and consider whether a resolution can be achieved through other means; the benefits of which have been briefly discussed above.

What can divorce experts do?

As well as supporting you in your Family Court proceedings, divorce experts can refer you to accredited mediators that are recognised by Resolution and the Family Mediation Council, to ensure you have the best chance of success at mediating your dispute.

This is only intended to be a summary and not specific legal advice.

Read more articles by Emma Alfieri.

About Emma Alfieri

Emma Alfieri is a Legal Director at Suffolk firm Greene & Greene Solicitors.

Emma advises on all aspects of family law, including divorce and associated financial matters, disputes between cohabitants and child related disputes.

A member of Resolution, Emma is committed to resolving disputes as positively and agreeably as possible whilst also being motivated to obtain the best possible outcome for her clients.

Since 2012 Emma has been consistently recommended by the Legal 500 on an annual basis and in the most recent 2024 edition Emma is ranked as a “rising star”.

As an advocate of fault free divorce, Emma lobbied at Parliament with other members of Resolution in 2016 to bring about the recent changes to divorce law.

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Understanding Divorce Grief: 6 Key Insights
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Understanding Divorce Grief: 6 Key Insights

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Can divorce be as tough as a death loss?

During my studies in thanatology, the subject of grief and loss, I encountered differing viewpoints on whether divorce can be as tough as a death loss for some people. As a certified thanatologist who has worked extensively with individuals facing both divorce and death loss, I avoid judging which of these emotional journeys is harder, as each holds its unique challenges and emotional impact. What I have come to recognise over time is that both experiences share definite similarities as life’s most significant stressors, particularly within the realm of grief. My practical experience in the grief field, having worked closely with individuals navigating through divorce and coping with death loss, enables me to empathise and connect deeply with the complexities of the divorce experience as well as the deep pain of a death loss. In both, there is the profound sense of loss, emotional upheaval, and the journey of healing that individuals may encounter, which in both cases is a unique and personal experience.

Divorce is a deeply emotional journey that can manifest in many ways

For some, the experience resembles a slow decline, similar to dealing with a lingering chronic illness that eventually reaches its end after years of struggle by one or both parties. On the other hand, some face the abrupt collapse of an unexpected divorce, leaving them bewildered by the sudden loss of what they ‘thought’ was a stable relationship, or even if they had an idea the marriage was not in great shape they had not thought their partner wanted a divorce. These diverse paths of divorce highlight the complexities of human relationships and the range of emotions individuals may encounter when navigating through the challenging process of untangling their lives from a once-shared bond. Understanding the profound impact of divorce on individuals and families is crucial, as it shapes the way we approach support, and have empathy for those going through this life-altering experience.

In divorce, the experience of grief varies for each individual

It is the death of a relationship, yet both parties continue living on. In the realm of grief, this is termed ‘ambiguous loss,’ denoting the person’s physical presence but lack of psychological or emotional connection. It can be challenging to process, as the person remains in your life but in a different role, often limited to co-parenting communication. This situation can be especially difficult for some divorcing couples who once relied on each other but now have minimal contact. Some may feel relief, while others may feel profound pain and difficulty. Both the initiators and the ones that were left do generally grieve, just at different times in the marriage and divorce process.

Divorce encompasses multiple losses

It is necessary to reorganise boundaries and establish new ways of communication with the former partner to name a few. These profound changes and layers of loss often go unnoticed or underestimated, making the process complex and delicate to navigate. Most divorcing people have to go through a lot on their own without much support. In the aftermath of a divorce, it’s crucial to acknowledge and understand the grief that accompanies this significant life change. Each person copes differently and may require support to process emotions and adapt to new circumstances. Practicing self-compassion and patience with oneself and your children during this challenging time can facilitate healing and growth as both individuals move forward with their lives apart from each other.

Another critical aspect of grieving during divorce is recognising that you are indeed grieving.

Many people have come to me, unsure if what they’re feeling qualifies as grief. They may be experiencing anger, not realising that anger can be a form of grief too. It can stem from feelings of loss of control over your life and the drastic changes happening. Grief can manifest in different ways.

Grief has physical, cultural, social, emotional, physiological, and behavioural aspects

Some symptoms can be digestive issues, sleep disturbances, weakened immune system, deep sadness, moments of relief, headaches, changes in behaviour, feelings of isolation, and even jealousy towards seemingly happy married couples. Understanding these various manifestations can help you identify and address your grief more effectively.

About Karen Omand BASoc BAThan CT

Karen Omand, holding degrees in sociology and thanatology, specialises in guiding individuals through grief, drawing from her own experiences of high-conflict divorce, parental loss, and abusive marriage. Focusing on the often-overlooked realm of grief in divorce, she co-founded the Divorceworkshop in 2021 with Kirk Mosna, aiming to empower those on the divorce journey. As a certified Grief Counsellor and Divorce Specialist, Karen advocates for greater awareness of grief in divorce, aiding both recovery and pre-decision detachment. She is the co-author of The Divorce Workbook, coming out this summer.

Alongside Kirk, she assists individuals in informed decision-making, proactive preparation, and strategic planning for healing and recovery. Her story of resilience and empathy inspires others to navigate divorce with courage. Connect with Karen on  Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn check her website Divorceworkshop.ca, or sign up for the Divorceworkshop’s newsletter.

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Child Arrangement Orders: All You Need to Know
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Child Arrangement Orders: All You Need to Know

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Anthony Parrish
Anthony Parrish
Partner
Jones Myers

Child Arrangement Orders are a vital framework for promoting the well-being of children involved in relationship breakdown.

They are particularly important during emotionally challenging times such as separation or divorce, when relationships may be strained. This article shares some key insights on their role in divorce and separation.

What is a Child Arrangement Order?

A Child Arrangement Order is a legally binding order made by a court to establish who a child should live with and the amount of time they should spend with the non-resident parent or other family members, most notably grandparents.

If you are a parent, you can seek a Child Arrangement Order through the Court. Grandparents can also apply for such an order but firstly require the Court’s permission to do so. Such orders are commonly sought in cases where the parents have separated or when obstacles arise that prevent grandparents from having access to their grandchildren.

Why do I need a Child Arrangement Order?

There are numerous situations that may lead you to consider applying to the court for a Child Arrangement Order. They range from the need to establish specific arrangements for your child’s daily life to resolving disputes related to school holidays.

It’s important to recognise that each case is family specific, and seeking guidance from a specialist firm such as Jones Myers is strongly recommended to receive appropriate advice tailored to your specific circumstances.

What will a court consider when making a Child Arrangement Order?

When parties are unable to reach a mutual agreement, the court takes several factors into account which include the child’s best interests and considerations such as the child’s wishes and feelings, particularly when they are older. The court also evaluates the child’s physical, emotional, and educational requirements, as well as the potential impact of any substantial changes in their circumstances.

Additional factors taken into consideration include the child’s age, any known instances of harm or potential risks to the child themselves and the respective abilities of each parent to meet the child’s needs. These elements collectively shape the court’s decision-making process with the ultimate goal of safeguarding the child’s well-being.

Read more articles by Anthony Parrish and Jones Myers.

About Anthony Parrish

Anthony Parrish’s extensive experience in family law spans over two decades, during which time he has developed specialisms in matters relating to children law.

A member of Jones Myers internationally renowned Children’s Department, he deals with issues relating to children, teenagers, parents (including those represented through their official solicitor) and local authorities.

His expertise also encompasses international child abduction cases and same sex relationship issues.

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New Beginnings with Divorce
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New Beginnings with Divorce

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Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller
Dating Coach
Author of The Global Guide to Divorce

Divorce can be a catalyst for starting a new life – a chance to discover new interests and rediscover talents. Passions may have gotten put aside or buried in a turbulent marriage or divorce. Dust off the clarinet. Dig out your paint brushes. Get in touch with what you want to do with this new chapter in life.  For example, one recently divorced woman got back into her hobby of pottery. Now her lovely pieces are sold in various venues. Another person had dabbled in painting as a young adult. Post-divorce, she made this her full-time profession.  She is so happy and claims she owes this career change to her divorce.

Time to put yourself first

You may have put other people before you. Take care of yourself and do what you want to do. This means saying “No” to requests of your time and energy. No explanations are required. When you are over extended, you have less energy and your health can be affected. The stress of the divorce process is compounded when trying to live up to other’s expectations and doing too much. Nurture yourself during proceedings.  Set limits on your time in regards to helping others. It is harder to make a new beginning when bogged down with too many unnecessary obligations.

Take baby steps with change

Think about what you enjoyed in the past. What gives you pleasure now? How can you incorporate them into your life? Start by adding them into your schedule, the same as you do for appointments and work commitments. Put at least one fun or pampering activity in your calendar daily. Nurturing yourself helps lower your stress hormones, which makes it easier to try new endeavours .

Be open to opportunities

Consider taking a class which will benefit you professionally or personally. This can help initiate a new career path or different job. I took the opportunity to join Toastmasters when running into some of the members unexpectedly. This opened up doors to speaking internationally in fun locations.  Try new things when you have the opportunity. You broaden yourself and do not have to stick with anything for life. A friend offered me her drum set after my divorce. I took her up on it, and discovered a new passion. Take advantage of what comes your way.

A change of environment

Sometimes after an acrimonious divorce, moving away is what is needed to start over. Going back to the same cafés etc. where you went as a couple, can keep you rooted in the past.  A friend and his wife moved to a small town from London. After several years there, they divorced. Dylan felt that he could not escape her. Going to familiar places were a trigger for feeling her energy and not breaking free. He wanted a new life. Only when Dylan relocated and began a relationship with a lovely woman, was he able to start a new chapter in life.  New surroundings can be freeing from the past.

Break Free

Ask yourself what seems to be your stumbling block from having a new beginning. Even if something sounds bonkers, think about it. One man interviewed, said that his hair was a history to his past. After a horrible break up, he had all his hair cut off. He regrew it and feels no ties to his past and is living a new chapter. Do what it takes so you start anew.  Some people have changed their names post-divorce, not just the surname. Others have started new lives by going to retreats or an ashram. Travelling internationally and mingling with other cultures broadens one world and view point. This is what helped me have a new beginning and career.   Think about what excites you and go for it!

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.  https://globalguidetodivorce.com     

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.

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Navigating Divorce with Grace: Insights into Collaborative Law

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Embarking on the journey of divorce or separation can be daunting, but there are alternative methods to traditional litigation that prioritise cooperation and mutual agreement. In this exclusive Q&A session, we sit down with Charlotte Bradley, an esteemed expert from Kingsley Napley, to delve into the world of Collaborative Law.

Discover insights, tips, and invaluable advice on how Collaborative Law can pave the way for amicable resolutions and a smoother transition during challenging times.

What is collaborative law/practice?

Collaborative family law (or practice) is a way in which a separating couple can, on a consensual basis, resolve issues without court proceedings.  You, your former partner/spouse and your respective lawyers all work together to resolve the various matters arising from separation, including the financial issues and the arrangements for any children.

How does it work?

Each client appoints a collaborative lawyer and the couple and their lawyers then consider the issues which should be addressed, and also which professionals to involve, for example a child specialist to consider the child arrangements, counsellors to support the parties and a financial professional to help with future financial planning. The lawyers and clients sign an agreement in which they all agree not to go to court and instead there is a series of meetings in which a transparent and open dialogue is encouraged. While each lawyer is representing their respective client, the professionals and the couple strive to work together as a team, with the joint aim of avoiding court proceedings. If either party decides they must go to court to obtain a final decision, then each of the couple need to instruct new lawyers.

How does it differ from other ADR options (such as mediation)?

Mediation uses a similar model of face to face meetings, but a mediator is not representing either of the couple. Although they can provide lots of information about options (the court process etc), the mediator is unable to advise on the likely outcome of any proposed settlement. For most family mediation, lawyers tend not to be in attendance (although increasingly, hybrid mediation where the lawyers are in attendance is becoming more common). Some individuals prefer the support of having a lawyer with them in meetings to help discuss and negotiate the various issues as happens in collaborative law.

What are the advantages?

Each client has the support of their trained collaborative lawyer who contracts with the couple to act in a constructive way and are encouraged to put all the family’s (including any children’s interests) at the forefront. For clients who feel insecure about attending mediation without their lawyer next to them (for example if there is a significant disparity in financial knowledge or bargaining power), collaborative law can be a good option as they can seek advice and support throughout albeit the advice that their lawyer gives is more transparent and negotiations should be less polarised than in the traditional court model. The possibility of counselling input and expert assistance around the children’s needs is actively encouraged. The flexibility of the process also enables other professionals to be brought in when needed, for example it is not unusual to bring in a financial planner and other professionals to help consider the future finances for the family including cash flow modelling, options around pensions etc.

What are the downsides?

Collaborative law is not suitable for everyone, and best serves couples who show a commitment to finding a solution to the various issues themselves but with legal support and advice. It is also only suitable for those who expect to give full and frank disclosure about their respective financial positions and other circumstances. Sometimes, if one of the couple wishes to delay the divorce (for example they intentionally postpone meetings etc), the collaborative process can be slow and costs can increase so careful managing of the process is required (and the lawyers and the couple need to be confident that the process is right for them before signing up). The collaborative agreement, requiring couples to change lawyers if the process breaks down and they want to go to court, can sometimes concern potential clients but that disqualification clause is important to encourage the couple and their lawyers to have the right solution focused mindset, to enable non-polarised negotiation and to resolve the issues.

Do you still have to go to court at the end?

No one needs to attend court and if agreement is reached, the collaborative lawyers can transfer the financial agreement into a draft consent order which is lodged at court (with financial summaries) for the judge to approve. It is also common in collaborative law (as it is in mediation) for the couple to prepare and sign a parenting plan setting out the arrangements for the children (although that is not routinely lodged at court).

How long does it take and how much does it cost?

Both answers depend on the issues to be resolved and how engaged the couple (and their lawyers) are to reaching a resolution. If they are committed to the process, and regular ‘four way’ meetings are diarised without delay in between, then collaborative law can be very quick as there is no court timetable applying. Or sometimes one or both of the couple can take time to come to terms with the breakdown of the marriage and resolve the various issues and need more time between four way meetings to reflect and to take advice from their collaborative lawyer. As to costs, they can vary depending on the amount of meetings and how complicated the issues are as the costs will depend on the amount of time the two lawyers spend on the collaborative case (typically based on their hourly rates). It can often be cheaper if the couple bring other professionals to assist on key areas (eg on the child arrangements or for cash flow modelling).

What else can it be used for (eg pre-nups)?

Collaborative law is very flexible and can be used in all areas of potential family dispute. It is particularly effective when couples are discussing the terms of a prenuptial or cohabitation agreement – so that each of them are having clear and transparent discussions with shared professional advice about their future plans and intentions, critical in my experience as different approaches on money and children can cause problems in a marriage or long- term relationship.

Is it a US import? What has changed in the last 20 years in the way it is used here?

So I did the first training in Europe just over 20 years ago (collaborative law having first started in the US and Canada), and with others, helped establish collaborative practice in the UK. What has changed is that we are more aware of the need to bring in non- legal professionals into the collaborative process (eg child specialists and counsellors) to really focus on the solutions for families on separation, with the law being only one small part.

How does it fit with clogged family courts, no-fault divorce, and other modern family law /societal trends?

Collaborative law is one of the now established methods of non-court resolution and, along with other non-court processes (like mediation) is actively encouraged by the government and the judiciary. Following the introduction of no-fault divorce two years ago to help reduce conflict between divorcing couples, there is strong encouragement for couples to resolve their differences without attending court, to reduce cost, the pressure on the court system and also to help avoid the effects of conflict on children which can be caused by long legal battles. And as new court rules come into law on 29 April 2024 to ensure that all couples consider non-court options such as mediation and collaborative law, collaborative practice is likely to be something that becomes of more interest to separating couples in the years to come.

Read more articles by Kingsley Napley.

About Charlotte Bradley

Charlotte Bradley is a Consultant and former head of the Family team at Kingsley Napley LLP. She advises on all aspects of family law, particularly issues to do with finances and children. She is author of the respected legal textbook on Schedule 1 cases. She is also an accredited mediator and collaborative lawyer, often working with high profile and high net worth couples keen to resolve their separation in private.

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How to End a Marriage Peacefully
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How to End a Marriage Peacefully

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chloe-o-contributor
Chloe O.
Alternative Dispute Resolution professional and Certified Divorce Coach
The Divorce and Separation Coach

Not all marriages end in drama and fanfare. In many cases, couples just grow apart. They stop loving each other or simply evolve in different directions. In these kinds of situations, most couples agree that there is no need for war or acrimony. They have come to the conclusion that their marriage is over, but it doesn’t mean everything they had together was a lie and should be destroyed. The question is then about how to end the marriage peacefully and with dignity, rather than angrily and destructively.

Key to the success of such an approach will be the intent of both parties. The more committed they are to managing things with low conflict, the more likely they are to succeed. Because, contrary to what one might think, divorcing amicably can be difficult. You need to negotiate the terms of your agreements, which requires compromise and flexibility. In many ways, divorcing in court is the easy way out: you are delegating the decision-making to a judge. It involves great cost and means you have no control over the terms of your divorce, but it doesn’t involve agreeing to some of the other spouse’s requests.

Couples are more likely to divorce peacefully when they have learned to trust and communicate with each other during their marriage. If the couple has worked together as a team in raising their children and running a family, they are better able to leverage these skills once again at the time of separation. Trust is a key ingredient here as it allows each spouse to feel confident that the other isn’t trying to stab them in the back, and that the proposals they are making are reasonable. It doesn’t mean they will agree on everything, but it means that they are both willing to listen to the logic behind the other person’s position, and to contemplate things from their point of view, without assuming any ill intentions.

Most importantly though, the key to a successful divorce is to seek professional support. Even for a couple who is starting things off with the best of intentions, there is always a degree of conflict involved in divorce. The process requires disentangling two lives, which means everyone is losing something. There will inevitably be times when the soon-to-be-divorced couple will disagree on how to proceed. Professional support can help them get unstuck and explore other options. They can help them leverage conflict de-escalation techniques to make sure they don’t become entrenched in seemingly irreconcilable positions. As mentioned above, amicable divorce is hard work, and it is sometimes difficult to stay the course. The key here is not just to get help when you need it, it is to reach out to like-minded professionals whose objective is to support you in achieving a low-conflict divorce. Caution is therefore of the essence in selecting the professionals who will see you through your divorce negotiations.

The prize, however, makes it all worth the effort. By having a peaceful divorce, you will be preserving your own and your children’s wellbeing by limiting stress, conflict, and uncertainty. If you are co-parenting, this means you will ultimately find it easier to work together as a team to raise your children going forward and have a much better post-divorce relationship. A peaceful divorce will also help you achieve a much better outcome because it will be one that you agreed to willingly, after careful consideration, not one that was dictated by a third party who doesn’t know you. Unfortunately, the idea that divorce is a war where someone loses and someone wins still dominates mindsets. The reality is that everyone will lose a little and win a little. But when you go to court and turn the process into an open conflict, everybody loses, including your children and your bank account.

Read more articles by Chloe O.

About Chloe O.

“My name is Chloe O., I am an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) professional and a Certified Divorce Coach. I specialise in working with women to help them reduce conflict during and after divorce by improving their negotiation and communication skills with their spouse. The objective is to work towards an amicable divorce outcome in order to minimise the emotional and financial cost of divorce. I work with all types of clients but I have extensive experience in supporting expatriates and international families who are dealing with the unique situation of living abroad during and after their divorce, with limited local family support, language barriers and relocation considerations.”

For more information about my work and services (including my Podcasts, newsletter, myth-buster videos…), you can visit my website and/or follow me on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.

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