family mediation - Page 4

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How to End a Marriage?

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Joan bishop has been a family mediator for the past 15 years.

She herself is from a fractured family, a process she still recalls vividly to this day, when she had to give evidence at her parents divorce at the age of 13 years.  Thankfully children of divorce don’t need to be involved in this way anymore during the divorce process.

Previously Joan worked with in the field of adoption and fostering where she picked up a lot of the skills and techniques she uses today in family mediation specifically, the importance of a positive ending and new beginnings.

Joan holds an MSc in Mediation and Conflict Resolution from the Institute of Family Therapy, University of London.

The interviews below are so important for those in the midst of divorce or those wondering how to end a marriage as amicably as possible.

Joan talks about how to establish a new way of communicating from here on, especially where there are children of divorce concerned and parents are trying to create parenting plans that will work for them and their children.  She encourages couples to keep in mind that whatever happened is now in the past.  Moving on to a better life after divorce and creating a positive and conducive environment for children of divorce will indeed help in reducing any negative and long term effects of divorce of children.  One of the things that needs to be done to move on to new beginnings is we need to acknowledge the pain and difficulty that each person is feeling.

Coping with divorce or coping and dealing with divorce is made more manageable a process when people understand certain things about how they came to be where they are, that everyone holds their own version of the truth and that the pain experienced by the leaver and the left are indeed quite different.

Joan’s process of how to end a marriage is strutured and was created on Future Focused therapy and narrative mediation

During the mediation process, Joan provides the couples space to talk about things they really know about, which is about their relationship, they become settled and able to talk about things they feel they need to and this then decreases their anxiety.

Joan is head of mediation at www.familypartnermediation.com – 07765 886 552  – info@familypartnermediation.co.uk

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“Mapping Paths to Family Justice” – Happier passengers on a well trodden alternative route

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Austin Chessell www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
Austin Chessell

It was a pleasure to attend the ‘’New Year…. …New family dispute resolution’’ evening at Farrer & Co in early January focusing on the growing client interest in non-court family dispute resolution for 2015, particularly the findings of the briefing paper ‘Mapping Paths to Family Justice.’

The full report is available online prepared by Professor Anne Barlow (University of Exeter), Rosemary Hunter (University of Kent), Janet Simpson (University of Exeter) and Jan Ewing (University of Kent).

Professor Anne Barlow presented a fascinating paper on the Report’s key findings. Of particular interest to Family practitioners will be that separating couples are increasingly preferring to settle disputes using non-court dispute resolution eg mediation, collaborative law and solicitors’ negotiations. This article picks out key points and critiques them against my own practice and experience.

The briefing paper was a three year academic research project carried out by the Universities of Exeter and Kent which started in July 2011.

It is a national study of around 7000 people which collected data from face to face and telephone interviews with people who had experience of non-court family dispute resolution from both legal aid and private clients and also practitioners.

The central aim was to provide evidence about the public’s awareness, usage, experience and outcomes of the different out of court Family Dispute Resolution (“FDR”) processes.

My caseload for the last four years inevitably includes cases that go to court, but the vast majority of my work now is non-court based. It was really interesting to hear from Anne Barlow what people’s experiences were on the different types of FDR options.

The key findings are:

  1. Gender-balanced co-mediation would address concerns about partiality. Co-mediation was useful in discussions about children disputes but co-mediation is not used often because of the costs of having another mediator present.

I think co-mediation is a good idea and I use this model where there are several indicators from the intake session towards co-mediation e.g. frequently in high conflict, high net worth cases, there are power imbalances and emotionally needy clients.

I often co-mediate with a couples’ counsellor Massy Ellesmere.

Clients seem to like having someone from a legal background and a co-mediator from a therapeutic background. A male and female mediator can help to produce better outcomes in cases where we think co-mediation would add real value to their mediation matter.

The mediators’ tasks can be divided when co-mediations take place. Having a male and female mediator in the room can provide a gender balance and set up a model to counteract any power imbalance. Lisa Parkinson, a Family Mediator, has also commented in her book “Appropriate Dispute Resolution in a New Family Justice System” (2nd Edition) that research shows male and female mediators produce fairer and more balanced agreements.

  1. Into the MIAM (Mediation Information Assessment Meeting) era, we have examples of courts ordering parties to mediate.

I am starting to receive more referrals from courts for cases which the Judge believes people should really be talking to each other about rather than litigating.

Recent court referrals have been for a children matter where the clients could not decide on how to review childcare arrangements by an hour each week or on a financial settlement case where the larger assets had been agreed to be divided at court but the household contents had not been determined and the Judge thought it would be useful for the clients to attend mediation. The clients attended one joint 90 minute session and were quickly able to decide how the house contents would be divided.

  1. Ensure that mediation clients are well prepared before they start.
Mapping Paths to Family Justice
I check with clients early on if they have sought legal advice.

This can include ensuring people are aware of what mediation is. Not a lot of people knew what mediation was before they started the process. Clients commonly learn about mediation from their Solicitor or by attending a Mediation Information Assessment Meeting with a mediator.

I check with clients early on if they have sought legal advice.

It is sometimes difficult now with legal aid being removed in a lot of Family Law areas. Legal clinics such as the Citizens Advice Bureau in Holborn provide 3 visits (30 – 45 minutes) for eligible people which can provide clients with an idea of where they stand legally and prepare them for mediation.

I discuss with clients all of the options open to them. It may be that mediation is not the right process for them, but if they know how each option works they can then make an informed decision about which process may be the best match for them.

I have an adapted Financial Statement (Form E) for the clients to complete. I try to ensure they complete the form as fully as possible and bring the level of detail of supporting documents each client requests because if there are large gaps in their Form E it can sometimes be difficult to progress a financial mediation session.

  4. The voice of the child in mediation

The Report finds that direct consultations with children in mediation rarely happen, but there is definitely an argument that the voice of children in the mediation forum and other FDR processes should be heard more often.

I am trained to mediate with children and have around 3-4 cases each year where the parents agree for me to meet with the children in a separate session and then provide them with feedback that the children want me to give their parents.

I have worked with a British parent who lives outside Europe and its three UK resident teenage sons wanted to know why the parent moved abroad at the end of the marriage and how they could re-establish contact.

I have also worked with three teenage children who had very busy school schedules and wanted to spend more time with their mother but wanted to do more outside activities rather than playing computer games which the mother used to encourage instead of physical activities.

  5.  Mediation frustrations

The Report highlights situations where mediation can break down e.g. one person not providing information, worries about being in the same room as a former partner and power imbalances.

The mediation process may not go into the same depth of financial disclosure as court, but for mediation to work the clients need to provide financial disclosure information to the other person in mediation.

If mediation clients cannot get the financial information they feel they need they may use the court process to obtain it and then return to mediation when they want to start considering financial options for settlement.

I find this is happening more often. Clients may go to court up to the Financial Dispute Resolution (‘’FDR’’) stage but then come to mediation if they feel financial disclosure has been completed and want to avoid a final hearing where legal costs can escalate.

I do some mediation cases on a ‘’shuttle’’ basis where clients are not in the same room. It is a lot slower than everyone being in the same room but in some cases it can work better. Some cases I have worked on started as a shuttle mediation and then change to the same room at the next session when the parties see progress is being made.

If there is a power imbalance e.g. one person does not have a good a grasp of the finances, a neutral third party can be introduced e.g. an Independent Financial Advisor may be present in the joint mediation sessions. Last week I mediated with a Bengali client who was not confident about his English so an independent translator attended the mediation sessions with him with the agreement of the other party.

  6.  Screening in mediation

The Report indicates things that could be done better in mediation. For example there could be better screening for abuse and conflict. A lot of people felt that there was impartiality lacking at times of screening and when there were high levels of conflict the mediator could not control things.

I tend to do my screening with the clients separately by arranging the intake sessions at different times. I know mediators who do intake sessions with the clients together and then see the clients separately for the screening for part of the session, but I want the client to feel comfortable to talk to me without the other person being in the room with them.

  7.  What could be done better?

The Report looks at providing counselling or other therapeutic methods to support people who may be emotionally vulnerable.

Many divorcing clients obviously describe this as a very stressful time. Referrals to a counsellor need to be made sensitively. Some of my clients see counselling as a weakness. Others have attended counselling and found it very useful.

For example a client had a young daughter in Scotland and was unhappy about having contact in a hotel and not at her home and wanted to talk through how she felt with a counsellor. After the sessions the client explained she felt a lot calmer and in a better place. I am quite lucky in that I am a member of the Collaborative pod group (Essex Family Solutions) where there are three to four counsellors who regularly attend this pod. You can get to know the counsellors quite well so when a referral is made you are confident that the client will be treated sensitively and get on with the counsellor.

Conclusion

If you are interested or work in the Family Law or Family Mediation field the Report is well worth a read.  I found it useful to see what feedback clients have provided about the different forms of FDR.

This Report and the subsequent discussions with fellow delegates at the Farrer & Co event made me reflect on my own practice and how I can continue to improve my service to clients in each of the out of court options. Judging from the comments of the majority of the delegates I spoke to, fees are a significant factor in clients’ decision making and deciding which option to use when separating from a former partner and mediation can be one of the more cost effective options to use. However, clients needs to understand how mediation works before deciding if it is the right option for them.

Austin Chessell is a Child and Family Mediator at FAMIA (www.famia.co.uk). He is also a Collaborative Family Solicitor at Feltons and a member of the Collaborative pod group Essex Family Solutions.

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Family Mediation – Divorce Solicitor

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Austin Chessell www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
Austin Chessell

When a person is going through a divorce and separation, he/she has a range of needs: emotional needs for support to manage the change and trauma, legal advice about his/her legal rights and mediation to come to an agreement about child care and financial matters to prevent going to the court.

What does a Family Solicitor do?

Family Solicitors work within the field of the law and give advice to individual clients. Most of the time a Family Solicitor takes the history from the client to find out what the dispute may be about. The client is advised what their legal rights are. Legal language may be used but explained in layman terms to the client.

Family Solicitors tend not to have received training on psychological matters. Instructions are taken from the client based on their version of events and what their views are about matters for the children. Advice is given to the client on what will be the best form of action to take.

When financial and children matters are negotiated this tends to be done in writing or on the phone. If matters cannot be agreed or if matters do agree then an application can be made to the court.

What does a Family Mediator do?

Family Mediators meet with both partners from the start of the mediation process. The couple may not want to separate so it is explored with the couple if they plan to reconcile, have a temporary or long term separation.

If the couple do want to reconcile then the couple may be sign posted to couple counselling.

Mediators work closely with Family Solicitors and even more so now due to recent changes for separating couples to attend a MIAM (Mediation Information Assessment Meeting).

If clients want to mediate then they will need to complete an agreement to mediate.  Work with the clients tends to be over several months but there are a few cases that go on for longer than this.

In mediation we tend to focus on what is happening now and do not really look back to the past as much. A lot of the sessions focus on what should happen on the decisions on the children which may be in the form of a parenting plan and what should happen financially.

The goal of mediation is to help the couple reach proposals.

At times you have to be a referee to stop arguments escalating and get the couple to refocus to discuss the issues they have come to discuss. If one client does not feel able to talk then the mediator aims to give them the opportunity and confidence to talk. If proposals are reached then a Memorandum of Understanding and / or Open Financial Summary documents is/are prepared.

What does a Counsellor do?

As stated above, divorce or separation is a traumatic time for couples, and they may need emotional support to manage such a transition.

The Counsellor may counsel one partner on their own or work with the couple if they have done further training to work with couples. If the couple wants to stay together then the goal may be how to achieve reconciliation.

Counselling does not tend to be linked to the legal process but if the client is attending Collaborative Law the Counsellor may be involved in the room with Lawyers.

The counselling process usually starts with a meeting for an initial assessment. Depending on the needs and wishes of the clients, counselling could be long term or short term. This will usually be set out in an agreement between the Counsellor and the client(s).

Regular reviews of the agreement will be held in order to avoid drift or undue dependency on the Counsellor. While the goals of a Solicitor are to give advice to a client about his/her legal rights, the aim of the Counsellor is to facilitate and empower the client to increase his/her understanding into their problems and find solutions to the problems.

About Austin

Austin Chessell is an accredited Family and Child Mediator at FAMIA (www.famia.co.uk) across Inner and Greater London. Austin is also a Professional Practice Consultant.

Austin is a Collaborative Family Solicitor at Feltons Solicitors in Knightsbridge.

Twitter @FamilyLawLondon

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Getting Divorced using Family Mediation.

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We had the pleasure of interviewing Family Mediator Nevine Bentley of Facilitate Family Mediation – a family mediation service based in Farnham Surrey – on why family mediation is a great alternative divorce process.

If you are about to file for divorce, then please do consider family mediation.

Nevine Bentley moved from being a successful family lawyer to focusing on Family Mediation with the sole aim of helping couples getting divorced be able to do so in a more civil, less acrimonious and less financially destabilising manner.

  • What is family mediation?
  • Is family mediation the same as counselling?
  • What role do family mediators play?
  • How do they differ from divorce lawyers?
  • When getting divorced, is family mediation for everyone?
  • When is family mediation not suitable in marriage separation?
  • What does the process involve when filing for divorce?
  • It is a known fact that the cost of divorce can be extremely high, how does family mediation differ in this area?

Family mediation is just one way on how to end a marriage but it remains one of the least confrontational and quicker ways to go about it.

Getting Divorced using Family Mediation – Part 1

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Getting Divorced using Family Mediation – Part 2

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Nevine is a Resolution trained family mediator and runs her own dedicated mediation practice in Farnham. Nevine brings both this training and a background in law to give fair and balanced assistance to both partners in all aspects of divorce and separation including arrangements for children and finances.

Nevine is able to sensitively bring down barriers and encourage effective communication between separating couples and navigate them to explore options to find mutually acceptable solutions to the issues which remain unresolved between them.

Nevine is qualified to undertake Mediation Information Assessment Meetings (MIAMs)

Nevine is able to offer out of hours appointments seven days a week. She is a member of Resolution and The Family Mediation Council and The Collaborative Family Law Group (http://collaborativelawgroup.co.uk/content/group)

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Free Divorce Advice – What is Family Mediation?

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Ann Corrigan founder of Clarity Family Law
Ann Corrigan founder of Clarity Family Law

When coping with divorce, we’re sure you could do with all the free divorce advice that you could need.

Here’s another question answered by Ann Corrigan of Clarity Family Law

I’ve heard of family mediation.  What is it and how does it help in divorce?

With effect from April 2014 the government has made it compulsory for separating couples to attend an information and assessment meeting (MIAM) with an impartial mediator to see if the issues can be resolved without recourse to the court.

Mediators are trained to help resolve disputes over all issues faced by separating couples, or specific issues such as arrangements for any children. A mediator will meet with you and your partner together and will identify those issues you can’t agree on and help you to try and reach agreement.

Mediators are neutral and will not take sides, so they cannot give legal advice to either of you. They will usually recommend that you obtain legal advice alongside the mediation process and will guide you as to when this should happen; however, lawyer mediators (mediators who are also qualified family lawyers) will provide general legal information to both spouses within the mediation if this is appropriate.

Ann Corrigan is founder of Clarity Family Law, a specialist family law firm in Gerrards Cross, Buckinghamshire, offering discreet, expert advice on all aspects of divorce, including the division of high value assets, children disputes and issues surrounding unmarried families.

Follow Ann on Twitter – @ClarityFamily

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Divorce Mediation vs Family Court
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Divorce Mediation vs Family Court

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Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukWe often hear that Mediation is “better for the children” – but when it comes to making the decision divorce mediation vs family court many people are unsure which way to turn.

Suzy Miller interviewed Divorce Mediators John Stebbing and Wendy Still of Stephen Rimmer LLP and he explains why using divorce mediation instead of the courts is a wise choice

John explained how the adversarial nature of divorce is based on recent history but how this no longer needs to be the way the process is carried out.  He spoke of a successful mediation where a father had not seen his children for 3 years, but through using mediation techniques even at the late stage of the case being handled by the courts, a clever resolution was found.

The edicts from the court were in practice unrealistic, asking the father to write letters to his small children as his only way of contact with them – yet the poor father had no way of knowing what to write because he had no knowledge of the daily lives of his children.

This whole process was taking a very long time with long gaps between court dates, which was leaving his children feeling that he didn’t care about them as he was struggling to know what to write to them.

Through mediation, the couple learned to communicate, and the father got to know more about his children which meant that he was then able to have something meaningful to write in the letters.

Mediation is known to help parties reach an agreement which is suitable to meet their own particular needs rather than a court directing what will happen in theirs and their children’s lives.  Families know what will work best for them so it makes sense that they decide how their lives will move forward.

There are also financial benefits of going through mediation as opposed to family court.  For instance, going to court very likely means taking your solicitors with you which is a very expensive process as it maybe lengthy and may entail more than one visit.

Also, the adversarial nature of the the family court route means that more likely than not, there maybe long-term damage done within the family and beyond, demolishing any existing relationship – intentionally or not.

Some people are nervous about mediation and benefit from attending an initial MIAMS session where you learn about how it works and what you can expect from the process.  Even people who are dead against it are usually acting out of fear of the unknown.

“My recent experience has been that even if the parties or one of them doesn’t think mediation will help or work, they are surprised once they have attended at how helpful it ends up being.  It is, of course, now a statutory requirement (at least a MIAMS is), therefore the best that can happen is that they reach a suitable compromise between them enabling each party to move on with their lives.” says Wendy

So, divorce mediation vs family court?  You decide.

Interview by Suzy Miller of The Alternative Divorce Guide and creator of The Divorce First Aid Kit

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Family Mediation Process UK: A Fair and Shared Outcome for All

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Austin Chessell www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
Austin Chessell
Family Mediator and
PPC

The media has recently been highlighting that Family Mediation is quicker and cheaper than going to court which I agree with but what are the other practical benefits?

Maintaining communication and continuing to co-operate as parents with Family Mediation

If children are involved and are also young it is going to be necessary to still talk to your former spouse or partner for issues such as the start times and end times of contact with your child, contact time during the holidays and special occasions, school activities, medical treatments, future schooling and the way maintenance should be paid.

The mediator is not there to provide solutions as these need to be determined by both of you but will listen to both of the parties and be flexible to discuss what would be best for all of the people concerned.

In one mediation session I have been involved with it came to light that one of the parties claimed they had not been receiving maintenance but the other party had set up a standing order to the wrong account and after this was discovered during the session communication between the parties improved dramatically.

Reducing hostility, bitterness and misunderstanding with Family Mediation

Mediators are not allowed to give legal advice but if the parties are to divorce it can be agreed during the session what fact the Petitioner is going to use in the petition and what the particulars are to be used.

In my role as a solicitor it is amazing at the amount of Petitions which are filed at court and then the Respondent asks for the petition to be amended after it has been issued which incurs a further court fee and the solicitor’s time for amending the petition.

If what is used in the petition is agreed early on this can put relations on a better platform when moving on to discuss the financial settlement and / or children arrangements.

Focusing on the children’s needs for parents to co-operate as much as possible with Family Mediation

Family Mediation Process UK
Family Mediators can help sort out financial matters too

If both parties who are using mediation can’t reach a solution for one of the issues which involved the child e.g. future school being private or public they may agree for the mediator to see the child in a separate session.

The child consultation enables the child to have a voice privately and confidentially to a mediator trained in Direct Children Consultation.

In Court proceedings the Court can ask for a Cafcass Officer to produce a report on the child’s wishes but there is sometimes a long waiting time for to report to be produced.

Avoiding a sense of winners and losers by reaching an agreed solution which have some benefit for all concerned.

Where a financial settlement is being agreed the mediator is there to be neutral and help the parties reach a balanced settlement.

At the same time if there is a particular asset e.g. a pension which one party feels particularly attached to the mediator works with the parties in a creative way so that if one party is to retain their pension the other assets can be divided in a way whereby the other party will receive a greater share of another asset.

For house contents which cannot be divided by agreement I usually ask for the parties to bring a proposed list and then the chattels can be divided in the following session. This often tends to be more cost effective than writing several letters through correspondence or having to return to court to decide on the division of items which can often outweigh the chattels value!

Mediation is not appropriate for every situation. For example where there is domestic violence, a power imbalance or where one party does not want to separate.

Not every mediation will complete the process from the initial meeting to having an agreement drawn up as mediation is voluntary and either party can opt out at any stage but I think that mediation should be attempted before any children or financial application is issued.

Any agreement drawn up in mediation will not be binding but it can then be sent to a solicitor if this is what has been agreed. The agreement can then be draft into an order which can then be filed at court which will provide both of the parties with more legal certainty.

ABOUT AUSTIN

Austin Chessell is an accredited Family and Child Mediator at FAMIA (www.famia.co.uk) across Inner and Greater London. Austin is also a Professional Practice Consultant.

Austin is a Collaborative Family Solicitor at Feltons Solicitors in Knightsbridge.

Twitter @FamilyLawLondon

 

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Is Conscious Uncoupling actually Mediation Process?

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Ann Corrigan founder of Clarity Family Law
Ann Corrigan founder of Clarity Family Law

Conscious uncoupling – a la Gwyneth Paltrow – may not just be psychobabble fashionable with offbeat celebs, but actually sits well with mediation and other ways of separating without going to court.

Using the term used by Gwyneth to announce her separation from Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin last month, could be a step in the right direction for couples looking to take the sting out of a divorce, particularly when children are involved.

Conscious uncoupling – suggests an amicable split and a desire to continue co-parenting without the anger and bitterness usually associated with divorce.

Being a qualified mediator, I think that this idea is not that far removed from family mediation – which enables the parents to take control of their own arrangements and agree on a way forward.

Legal changes coming into effect on 22nd of April – actually strengthen the requirement for separating parents to attend a family mediation information and assessment meeting before starting divorce proceedings.

Mediation is actively encouraged, because it’s seen as a ‘nicer’ way of getting divorced, for all the parties involved. It also speeds up the process considerably and is less likely to result in drawn-out court cases. Not all divorces are suitable for family mediation, though, for example if there are concerns about the ability of a parent to look after his or her children or there are complicated financial issues which one party doesn’t fully understand.

How the family mediation process works in practice – A Case Study:

Mark and Louise are a couple in their early 20s.  They have a son, Ryan who is 4 years old.

Mark and Louise never married but were together since they were both 17 years’ old.  The relationship has broken down because Mark has met someone new and has moved out of the home he shared with Louise.  Ryan continues to live with Louise and she is not allowing him to have any contact with his dad.  Mark is sure that this is because Louise is upset that Mark has a new girlfriend.

CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING
Louise would not allow Ryan to have any contact with his dad.

Having discovered how long it will take to have the matter dealt with by the Court and how expensive it might be, Mark asks Louise to come to family mediation.  Mark has not seen Ryan for 3 months.

At first Louise is adamant that she is not being difficult and that Ryan himself is saying he does not wish to see his father.

The mediator starts by writing Ryan’s name in big letters on the flipchart for both to see.  This way, they can concentrate on the reason they are in mediation – to do what’s best for their son whom they both love dearly.

Although Louise wishes to confront Mark about how hurt she feels, the mediator brings the discussion back to Ryan and on what they both really want for him.  Various options are explored and the mediator helps Mark and Louise to see that if they can both continue to be parents to Ryan in a co-operative way, their child is bound to benefit.

Louise is unhappy at the thought of Ryan meeting Mark’s new partner and Mark agrees that he will not introduce his new girlfriend to Ryan until Louise agrees.

It is also agreed that Mark should see Ryan at his mother’s home each weekend on either a Saturday or a Sunday for a period of two months.  This way, Ryan will continue to see his paternal grandparents, which Louise agrees will be good for him as he misses them. It is also agreed that if after the two month ‘trial’ period, all is going well, Mark can have Ryan to stay overnight with a view to building up the time he spends with Ryan.

The mediator reinforces that Mark and Louise are Ryan’s parents and as such, they are the best people to make decisions concerning his welfare.

By the time they leave the first session, Mark and Louise have agreed a timetable for contact going forward and the mediator explains that this agreement will be reduced to writing in a “Memorandum of Understanding” but that if they encounter difficulties along the way, they can return to family mediation at any time.

Ann Corrigan

Follow Ann on Twitter – @ClarityFamily

@ClarityFamily

 

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Family Mediation in practice: Case Examples

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Austin Chessell
Family Solicitor and Mediator at Shortands Solicitors

1.    How mediation has helped couples;

2.    When the mediation process has encountered difficulties;

3.    Were those difficulties in mediation terminal or were they overcome in some way?;

4.    The client’s relationship with the mediator.

 

How family mediation has helped couples

“Co – mediation’’ – Case example 1.

A lot of couples attending family mediation like to have two mediators in the room giving a gender balance. From the start the mediation sessions may have a lot of tension in the room and arguments following on from when the relationship ended.  It’s really important that your mediators or at least one of them is very good at dispelling any tension in the room.

We aim to focus the clients’ attention on the issues they have raised in the intake sessions whether they are children, financial or miscellaneous issues pertaining to their family situation. Some of the benefits of using family mediation include:

  • Resolving family disputes outside of court and through mediation is less adversarial.
  • Being in a less informal environment than a court room gives clients the opportunity to make informed decisions themselves.
  • If an order is made at court by the Judge there is a possibility that neither party may like the decision.

 

“Shuttle mediation’’– Case example 2.

shuttle mediation
Shuttle Mediation

When clients cannot bear to mediate in the same room together as in co-mediation, another form of mediation, shuttle mediation, can then be used.  This is where each party is in a different room and the mediator(s) go from room to room working through each issue in turn.

Massy, my co-mediator and I did a co-mediation where there were court proceedings ongoing. The mother was seeking a name change while the father was seeking more contact with two young children. There had been several court hearings before the parties came to mediation. The mother was paying out thousands of pounds for representation at each hearing. The father was representing himself but did not like the adversarial nature of being in court.  At the intake session both parties struggled to be civil towards each other so the first joint session was done as shuttle mediation as were joint sessions 2-3.

A final agreement on the name change and contact was reached in the 4th session but to our pleasant surprise both parties wanted the final mediation to take place in the same room.  

Both parents had realised that after mediation had ended that both would still need to liaise with each other to arrange contact whether this was on the phone or by email and that even at their children’s wedding they are going to need to get along.  The mediation process encouraged the parties to communicate effectively.

“International Mediation’’– Case example 3.

I received an email from a father who was about to relocate with work in Japan.

The mother and father were not married and the child was 6 months old. The father was paying child maintenance which in the mother’s opinion was not enough. The mother was disappointed that the father was not playing an active role in the child’s life while the father was not happy with the fact that no contact arrangements had been made. Both clients were very reasonable and willing to compromise but they felt they needed an impartial third person present to work through when the father could have contact with the child for the four times he was due to return to London each year.

The mother explained what her monthly outgoings were and that even though the father was paying the suggested 15% of his net income for the one child there was a shortfall. When the father could see the figures of the mother’s monthly outgoings compared to what he was paying as child maintenance which I put on a flipchart the father changed his stance.  The father immediately agreed to increase the child maintenance and would update the standing order immediately. I explained it is good if maintenance can be agreed informally.

Parties can approach the CSA if one parent does not want to pay child maintenance, but in future there will be an administration charge for both parties which can be avoided if child maintenance is agreed informally through mediation.

 

Time Saved–Cases generally.

Contact, residence and financial issues can be dealt with through the courts but if these matters go to court for final hearings it could take potentially several years to get a conclusion. In my experience if both parties have mediation sessions regularly and both parties are willing to be flexible about what they seek, mediation agreements can be made in a much shorter time frame. If there are children and financial issues there tend to be 3-5 joint sessions. If it is just child or financial issues then there are around 2-3 joint issues. Joint sessions last for 90 minutes. Intake sessions last for around an hour.

When the mediation process has encountered real difficulties

Child Abduction – Case example 4.

In an intake session it was clear that both parties before they separated were in very high conflict.

The mother had also raised issues that the extended family for the father were making life too difficult for her. Despite this both parties initially wanted to mediate.

The father was having limited contact at a car park or by lifts inside a flat for 15 minutes every alternate weekend. The mother wanted to return to Pakistan with the child while the father wanted to prevent this.

In the first joint session it was agreed that the future contact sessions would take place in a more appropriate venue and that contact would be for longer duration. However, after the first session mediation stopped as both parties could still not trust each other over the child abduction aspect and passport issues were then raised. It was agreed that both parties would return to their solicitors and go to court. In most cases we reach full agreement on all of the issues raised but sometimes it may be that agreement is reached on say 6 out of 8 issues and the remaining issues are dealt with through the court.

 

Financial Disclosure – Cases generally.

Family MediaitonIn mediation some parties want to use the process to decide how the financial assets accumulated from the marriage or cohabitation will be divided.  After the intake session we give both parties a financial form to complete which details all of the assets and debts along with current and future projected income and outgoings. Generally both parties understand and cooperate to give full and frank disclosure before discussing settlement options. However, where one party is convinced that the other party is not disclosing substantial assets the mediation process cannot go any further and it may be that the clients have to use the court process to reach a conclusion.

 

Delay – Cases generally.

Most couples come to mediation wanting to reach a quick solution to their issues. However, some people have approached us to use the process as a delaying mechanism. In these circumstances mediation would not be suitable, particularly in cases where one parent has not been having contact with their children for a long period of time.

In mediation cases where difficulties came about were the difficulties terminal or were the difficulties overcome in some way?

 

Contact – Case example 5.

One couple approached me as a contact order had been prepared at court but it was not defined as to how the weekend contacts and holiday contacts should be structured.

The court order provided that contact should be shared on an equal contact basis. We looked at the work schedule and commitments of both parents and the children. It was difficult for weekends and holiday contacts to be divided equally. It was possible but as the contact would mean a lot of travelling for the children on a Sunday night it was agreed that practically this would not be in the children’s best interests as they would turn up for nursery and school on a Monday morning exhausted.

For the current year 2011-2012 the contact the father missed out on at weekends was increased during the holidays. We also discussed finances in mediation.  It was agreed that the father would look to relocate closer to the mother within the next year so that for the following year 2012 – 2013 weekend and holiday contact could be done on a shared basis.

Men often report that they feel they are being  judged by yet another female in mediation. Do you have any advice?

As mediators we are trained to be impartial whether clients are male or female. As a mediator I am not there to judge the father or the mother but am there solely to help reach an agreement in terms of children contact, residence or how to divide the financial assets from marriage or cohabitation and any other issues such as relocation which is happening a lot more in this day and age.

We do not have telephone conversations with the clients in between mediation sessions to avoid being seen as biased or judging towards one party.

I think that the mediation intake sessions are very important.  It is an opportunity for both clients to assess the mediator to see if they feel they can work together.  In some cases the clients are going to see the mediator for around 6 sessions in total so they need to be comfortable with the mediator.

It is also worth remembering that mediation is a voluntary process so if clients feel that they are not making real progress then they may have to consider other options to resolve their issues.

Austin Chessell is a family mediator at FAMIA (www.famia.co.uk) which covers Inner and Greater London. Austin is also a family solicitor at Shortlands Solicitors (www.shortlands.co.uk) at Hammersmith, London.

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Children in Mediation

Family Mediation Services – Children in Mediation

Published on
Austin Chessell www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
Austin Chessell
Family Mediator at FAMIA

Direct Consultation With Children (DCC) in Family Mediation Services

Since training to be a family mediator three years ago, several of my children issue mediation cases have led to the parents deciding that they would like to involve their children as part of the mediation process.

How does a DCC work?

During a DCC, the children first have a session with a qualified Direct Child Consultant where the parents are not present and the children are given the time and space in a safe and confidential place to discuss what they would like their wishes and feelings for the future to be.

The wishes and thoughts of the children are then informed to the parents in a separate meeting so that the desires of the children can then be taken into account when making decisions for the child arrangements for the future.

It is important before arranging a DCC session that the parents sign a consent form agreeing for the children to take part in the session.

When Might involving Children in the Mediation Process be Appropriate?

Both parents may feel that their children should be given the chance to have a voice in the future family structure and can play a part in how new arrangements are going to operate. This may help to allay some of the fears that children have about the parents separating.

Children can be asked to have a session with the mediator at different points of the mediation process.

I have been involved in a case when the father relocated to Japan and the three teenage children and mother remained in London. The three teenage children wanted to find out why the parents’ relationship had broken down as this had not been explained to them. The three children had only been having contact through email and wanted to use the session to arrange when they could have direct contact with their father.

In other mediation cases the parents had previously been litigating in court to decide which A-level school the child should attend. When the child attended the direct consultation a school was proposed that neither parent had considered which helped to decide which school should be applied for and avoided further litigation.

It can also be useful to discuss the children’s on-going relationships with the wider family.

Children in MediationInvolving children in mediation will not always be the best option but from my experience of working with children at a contact centre for over ten years most children like to be given the chance to be heard in person.

Parents will be informed before the mediation session with the child that:-

  • The children will not be asked to make the decisions and choices;
  • The mediators respect their parents’ authority;
  • A child will not be seen without both parents’ consent;
  • Parents will be briefed clearly how the mediation session with the child works and the purpose of the meeting before asking if the child would like to be part of the process.

The mediator has to respect the confidentially of the information the child shares with the mediator unless there is a risk of harm.

I often get asked at what age children should be mediating. I personally would find it hard to mediate with a child younger than 8 years old. This really is down to the parents’ view on the child’s capacity to use and understand the opportunity. I have not experienced a situation where a child has refused to be part of the mediation process yet.

For cases that have complex issues I would look to co-mediate the children session.

Children in MediationSome children have preferred to come straight after school while other children have expressed a preference to mediate at the weekend. It is also discussed with the children who will bring them to their session and where the person collecting them should wait. The children are also told when the feedback will be given to the parents and what format the feedback will take.

Meeting with the children will not resolve all of the issues but from my experience has in several cases aided communication at a difficult time. The childrens’ needs are given paramount consideration in the process. A lot of children have liked the session with the mediator as they know the mediator is independent from the family and will not take sides to their expressed views.

The child mediation sessions are not therapy as the mediators are not trained for this but children have commented to me that the mediation session helped them to understand the changes that were about to take place, find their own way to cope with the separation when they may feel that they have to take sides and to express their feelings about the separation. It is important to acknowledge how the child feels and have soft drinks available along with time for short breaks if the child wants this.

If the child wants to have support from people other than their family it can be explored if there is someone at the child’s school or a school counselling service who may be of assistance.

I believe that where it is appropriate children should be given the opportunity to be part of the mediation process. From my experience children do not want to be involved in any conflict arising from separation but would like to help shape their future arrangements particularly on shared parenting issues by voicing their views.

Austin Chessell is a Family Mediator at FAMIA www.famia.co.uk and Family Solicitor at Shortlands Solicitors www.shortlands.co.uk .

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