divorce process - Page 10

considering divorce

Are you Considering Divorce?

Published on
Soila Sindiyo
Parenting Therapist
Founding Editor
The Divorce Magazine

I have gone through divorce twice; the first one was 20 years ago and the second 12 years ago.

Truth is going through divorce is never an easy process however amicable. It will hurt greatly at some point during the process both financially and emotionally but it doesn’t have to define who you are for the rest of your life.

You will get through it. You will be ok but you will have to work hard to be so.

If you’re truly uncertain if divorce is the right way for you to go, I would personally suggest not doing anything for the moment.  Wait and see how you feel later on, maybe next, month or even later.

Ask yourself if you have done all that you can to keep your marriage.  If not, what more can you do?  Do all that you can.

If you’re considering divorce here are some FAQs with responses but you will find a lot more articles, authored by divorce professionals, on The Divorce Magazine to help you through your divorce process.

Do I need a divorce lawyer?

Yes. This should be one of the first and wisest things to do.  I would suggest that you speak with at least 3 divorce lawyers because just as you would get, at the very minimum, 3 different estimations for your kitchen extension, you really should do the same with your divorce lawyer before settling on one.

Why do I need a lawyer?

Simply put, for legal advice. You need to know that whatever steps you’re taking or planning on taking are not only legal and possible but that you’re being realistic and fair to you and your soon-to-be-ex.

How much will a divorce cost?

Very popular question indeed but the simple answer is, it depends on many factors including what divorce process you pick.

There are divorce lawyers who will offer what I would call package deals which are great in giving you some indication of how much the process is likely to cost.  When you speak with the various lawyers, then ask about this.  In fact, do be afraid of asking as many questions as you can think off regarding cost.

As a divorce process, family mediation, for instance, tends to work out much cheaper than working through the whole divorce process solely via lawyers.

The more you and your soon-to-be-ex can agree on together the less expensive your divorce costs are likely to be.

Here’s an article on How to Reduce the Cost of Divorce that can give you even more information.

What other divorce processes are there?

Fortunately, there are many other ways of dealing with your divorce process other than the “traditional” lawyer/client fashion. Here are some:

With the first three divorce processes, you will be working directly with divorce lawyers. With the other two, don’t forget to seek legal advice before agreeing to any divorce settlement.

What about the children, can I get full custody (sole residency)?

This is extremely difficult to get as the courts always seek to do what is right for your children and unless there are major safety issues for instance, they will try and ensure that your children remain in good contact with both parents as much as possible.

Here’s an article that would best answer any questions you have on full custody.

My advice, regarding the children, is to continuously and persistently keep in mind that it benefits them greatly if you can provide them with the space and time where they can see both parents as much as possible by creating an age appropriate parenting plan.

They will be suffering many losses as you go through the divorce and will need both of you to make sure they are ok.

What about child maintenance or child support? How do I know how much to expect or to pay out?

Our article on  Free Child Maintenance Calculator will tell you what factors are taken into consideration regarding child support payments, how to calculate child maintenance as well as how to apply for child maintenance.

If you decide to go ahead and start the divorce process, talk.

Talk to people you trust and talk to your children’s school.  Surround yourself with people whom you know will be supportive and objective and don’t use your lawyer as a counsellor, therapist it’s only likely to cost you and they need to focus on the legal side of your divorce.

Brace yourself for a journey that is likely to get quite emotionally, physically and mentally draining but like I said at the start, you will get over it, you will be ok, you just have to work at getting there because like Maya Angelou once said, “nothing works unless you do”.

If you have even more questions to which you would like some answers then don’t hesitate to contact any of the divorce lawyers who feature in The Divorce Magazine and speak with them.

If your main issue is to do with your children before, during and after divorce, including creating age appropriate parenting plans, you can contact me on +44 (0)7850 85 60 66 or email me soila@helpingchildrencope.co.uk.

ABOUT SOILA

Soila is a graduate member of the British Psychological Society, Parenting Therapist, accredited Triple P practitioner, Certified Trauma Specialist and trained Family Mediator.  She works in private practice mainly, but not exclusively, with families going through divorce and separation.

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine.

 

 

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‘Brangelina’ Split and How to Guarantee Privacy During your Divorce Process

Published on
Peter Jones Founder Jones Myers
Peter Jones
Founder
Jones Myers

The media frenzy continues a week after Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt with every aspect of their lives – and the lives of their children – continuing to be played out in front of millions of people worldwide.

However, irrespective of whether you are Hollywood’s most “golden” couple, divorcing through the courts comes with no guarantee of privacy – as some of the hearings are open to the public and journalists can attend and report details of the proceedings.

They may do so if there is a salacious element, perceived wealth, or accusations of attempts to hide assets – which can be embarrassing and distressing for the couple, as well as their children, parents or business partners.

Our specialist family lawyers advise of three less public routes, outlined below, to take when marriages break down.

Arbitration is a quicker, less emotionally and financially draining alternative to court battles. The press is barred from hearings, which are arranged at clients’ convenience, at comfortable venues, where a family arbitrator rules on who should have what.

Just like a judge, the arbitrator bases his or her decision on relevant facts and evidence – taking into account the views of both parties. The award is final and binding on both parties. Arbitrators are not only qualified in their field – they are also experienced family lawyers who are either former judges or family law barristers or solicitors.

Mediation is also an effective and private way of resolving disputes without the need to go to court. It involves an independent third party – a mediator – who helps both sides come to an agreement.

It is a highly effective method which can result in a swift resolution and save on legal expenses.

Couples often use mediation as a way to explore and discuss issues between them, with the assistance and guidance of an impartial mediator. Because many issues are resolved during mediation, they often find that they save a great deal in legal costs by opting for mediation first.

Collaboration sees couples each appoint their own collaboratively trained lawyer. They meet to work things out and are backed up by support and legal advice. All sign a contract committing them to trying to resolve matters by agreement, without going to court.

The lawyers will agree only to represent the parties within the collaborative process and not in court. This ensures that everyone at the table, not just the divorcing spouses but also their legal representatives are committed to finding an out-of-court solution.

Collaboration places an emphasis on a respectful and dignified resolution, putting any children at the heart of the process, and keeping the details private and confidential.

Divorcing couples who value their privacy are advised to consider these options which are also more cost effective, less traumatic and less prolonged than litigating.

About Peter Jones 

Peter Jones is one of the country’s leading divorce and family lawyers.

A qualified arbitrator and mediator, Peter set up Jones Myers as the first niche family law firm in the north of England in 1992 and has acted for a string of high-profile clients.

Renowned for his sympathetic approach, he is a former national chairman of Resolution, a former Deputy District Judge – and instigated the D5 Group of law firms that promotes excellence in family law.

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Family Mediation – There is much more to it than Divorce and Separation

Published on
Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

If you ask a passer-by what she or he thinks family mediation is about the chances are that that person will mention divorce, separation or disputes about child contact.

In one sense this is correct and it is certainly true that family mediators deal with these types of issues quite routinely.

However, one of the important constituent parts of the term “family mediation” is the word FAMILY.

Are you perhaps involved with one of the following types of dispute which arise more often that our hypothetical passerby might imagine? If so, would you like it to be resolved promptly and cost-effectively?

  • a case involving the parents of a child in local authority care who may be denied any contact;
  • a case involving a grandparent, aunt or uncle who is denied contact with a much loved grandchild, nephew or niece because the child’s parents have separated;
  • a dispute involving a family house sharing arrangement possibly where there is concern about a potentially vulnerable family member leaving home;
  • a case involving a dispute between siblings about a family will or the administration of a trust or estate;
  • an Inheritance Act claim where a close family member or a potentially deserving relative has been left out of a will and has taken the matter to court;
  • an acrimonious dispute affecting a family partnership or company that may ultimately affect its financial viability and the livelihoods of those who work in it;
  • a dispute between siblings or other family members about who cares for an elderly or infirm relative;
  • disagreements about funeral arrangements,
  • A dispute between parents and their child’s school.

If any of the above apply, then mediation may well be for you.

ABOUT PAUL

Paul Sandford (www.albertsquaremediation.co.uk ) is an accredited civil mediator and Tribunal Judge. He is also an associate of a Birmingham-based firm of solicitors, My Business Counsel.

He mediates for a leading UK charity and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training .

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

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Family Mediation, Collaborative or Litigation

Family Mediation, Collaborative or Litigation – Which Divorce Process is Best for You?

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

There are different ways to get divorced to fit individual needs and circumstances.

With family mediation, divorcing couples are required to have a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting or MIAMS to cut down on the cases going to court.

Mediation is particularly helpful for spouses who want to reach their own agreement without the help of divorce lawyers as well as keep the door open for a good relationship post-divorce.

Negotiating can be like a dialogue where husband and wife explain the rationale behind their requests, such as in dividing assets.

They are in control of their outcome with the mediator’s guidance. Although many mediators are also solicitors, they do not give legal advice to either party.

Family mediation can be completed in as few as three sessions and the cost is much lower than in collaborative or litigation process. People who are motivated to work together in discovering a mutually acceptable resolution do well with mediation. Each person can consult with their own solicitor between sessions before signing anything.

Some people who are divorcing difficult spouses may feel more comfortable having their own solicitor during proceedings, as in collaborative divorce.

They have their own personal advocate to guide them through negotiations and look out for their interests. While the collaborative solicitors represent their own clients, they work together as a team to ensure a fair settlement for each party.

We had a collaborative divorce and I still liked my husband’s solicitor when it was finalized. He even gave me ideas for financial help when his client refused to pay any university expenses for our sons. That would not be happening in litigation.

Collaborative divorce brings in experts as needed, such as a financial advisor. Collaborative costs more than mediation but is much less than litigation. Many high profile couples prefer the privacy that is part of the collaborative type of divorce.

There are times where litigation is the way to go.

This is particularly true in abuse cases where a spouse is not going to negotiate face to face with their tormentor.

I interviewed people who divorced spouses with personality disorders and they only felt safe in a court room. Leaving their fate to a judge was just fine for their situations. Hiring a barrister for court and the lengthy proceedings is the most expensive type of divorce.

The court is adversarial in nature and can become a battlefield. Friendlier divorces, such as the first two, make it easier to maintain ties with one’s ex.

Family Mediation, Collaborative or Litigation
Family Mediation, Collaborative or Litigation – Which Divorce Process is Best for You?

The First Directions Appointment (FDA) is the first meeting with spouses and solicitors before a judge who shows what the gaps are in the evidence presented. The time frame for future hearings is set, although they can be cancelled if compromises are reached.

When there are children, Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) may interview them and pertinent people to give a report to the judge.

When parents cannot agree, a judge can issue a Residence Order stating with which parent a child will reside, and the Contact Order is the amount of time that the non-resident parent can see them.

Midway through divorce the Decree Nisi is granted.  Spouses work with their solicitors or barristers to complete their financial arrangements in the Consent Order. Witnesses may be called for the Final Hearing where a judge makes a ruling. A decree Absolute is issued and this finalizes the divorce and both are free to get remarried.

For those without children who want a simple and cheap divorce, there are online companies that provide forms and guidance.

Do research to find reputable company who provides solicitors to go over completed forms to ensure all is in order and a clean break is done without any further financial ties.

Another form of DIY divorce is having a court clerk help one to complete necessary forms. Several did this and later met with a judge. Their spouses were amenable to this process, readily agreed to the splitting of assets and signing the forms.

Whatever type of divorce is done, there are aspects which are the same.

A divorce is granted for ‘’Irretrievable Breakdown’’ with one of the following grounds: Unreasonable behaviour (most common), adultery, two years of separation with both parties consenting to divorce, if they have lived apart for five years, or for desertion.

Both parties have to fill out Form E which is complete financial disclosure. After parents have worked out where the children’s primary residence will be and other issues then a Statement of Arrangements for Children is written.

With the different types of divorce, if a couple gets stuck on an issue they may be sent to a Family Arbitrator.

The arbitrator listens to both parties and has more flexibility than a judge would have in deciding an outcome. Their decision is binding. This speeds up court proceedings. Mediators and collaborative solicitors can send clients to arbitration to get an issue resolved more quickly when clients just cannot compromise. This gets the divorce process back on track.

There are resources available to help you during divorce such as divorce support groups, MeetUp.com, workshops and weekend retreats.

Churches are realizing that divorce is happening and are also having their own seminars. Divorced people gave me valuable recommendations and advice during my acrimonious one.

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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online lawyers

The One about Online Lawyers

Published on
Online lawyers
Alex Williams

Virtual lawyers are not much different from the regular ones. Most people think that lawyers who can be hired online, don’t have the appropriate expertise, which is a huge misconception.

Online lawyers have the same level of expertise and courthouse experience as the lawyers who work from brick and mortar offices. Virtual lawyers have realized the benefits of the digital world and they’ve chosen to shift most of their attorney-client communication to secure online platforms.

In this article we will debunk several myths concerning online law practice and determine the major benefits that hiring an online lawyer can bring.

eLawyering- Requirements and Safety

eLawyering has been a very popular term in legal circles in the last few years. It stands for law practices that deliver their services online.

This field is strictly regulated by American Bar Association or the Solicitors Regulation Authority in the England and Wales. One of the major requirements for online law practitioners is to have a secure section of their website, where clients can register and receive a unique username and password.

Communication in these areas (which are also called secure client portals) is secured with SSL protocols and it is preferable to email communication, because it guarantees client’s privacy.

Secure portals also offer various extra features. In most cases they include secure cloud application that can store documents. This app is used for sharing documents between clients and attorneys, and it uses an external server and encrypted log-in. Some online lawyers also offer live and video chat consultations, as well as some other services that bridge the gap between them and their clients.

Advisory Role

Many online lawyers use their websites to answer the questions of potential clients and give them their legal advice. Most legal advice that the lawyers provide this way are free of charge, and they use this method to prove their expertise and attract new clients. This way even people who don’t need to hire a lawyer can receive an expert advice on legal matters.

This area is also strictly regulated by American Bar Association (all solicitors in England and Wales are regulated by the Solicitors Regulation Authority) and it requires lawyers to follow certain guidelines in order to protect client’s privacy and ensure they are getting the best possible service. These guidelines were introduced in 2003 and approved by the Action of the House Delegates of American Bar Association.

Benefits of Hiring an Online Lawyer

Although most people are not accustomed to online communication with their lawyers, virtual law firms are becoming more popular each year, because people are recognizing the benefits of this type of attorney-client relation. These benefits include:

  • It saves time- Online communication will save you a lot of time, since you won’t need to visit your lawyers at their office.
  • It saves money- Online lawyers offer more affordable rates and since all communication goes through secure client portals, you won’t need to spend money on transportation.
  • Your documents are safer- Law firm office is a busy and dynamic environment, which means that your documents could be easily lost or viewed by unauthorized personnel. Encrypted document apps used by online lawyers are much safer, because they provide a strict authorization, and document backup.
  • It makes online legal proceedings much easier- We are living in a digital age, where various types of legal proceedings are done online. For example, today spouses can start the Oregon divorce online, and this service is also offered in many other states. This way, the lawyers can complete the whole process, without even going to court.
  • You can get legal advice for free- Most lawyers provide free legal advice to potential clients through their websites, emails and social networks.
  • There is less paperwork- You won’t need to make extra copies of your court documents, because cloud app allows you to share digital copies with your attorney and save your money and environment, while doing it.
  • Billing is more transparent- Online lawyers provide you with an easily understandable bill. Most of them use advanced tech to calculate their working hours and provide you with an insight in their work. In most instances they don’t charge you the time they spend on online chatting, which also makes their services much more affordable.
  • You have more payment options- Virtual law firms usually offer more payment options. Their services can be paid for with wide variety of online payment systems.

In 2014 there were 15 virtual law firms in the United States. This is the proof that eLawyering popularity is facing a fast nationwide growth. Legal services require top privacy levels, and since advanced technology managed to provide highly secure communication and document exchange environments, we will witness even bigger growth of eLawyering concept in the future.

 

About Alex

My name is Alex Williams, born and raised in beautiful Sydney. I am a journalism graduate, and a rookie blogger trying to find my luck. Blogs are the perfect opportunity for presenting yourself to wider audience, getting the chance to showcase my expertise and receiving recognition. I am a regular contributor at BizzMark Blog.

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Lost marriage certificate UK

Can I get Divorced Without my Lost Marriage Certificate UK?

Published on
James Thornton and Frank Arndt
James Thornton and Frank Arndt
Founders
Paradigm Family Law

It is becoming increasingly popular to marry abroad.

British couples choosing to marry on an exotic tropical island paradise are jetting off to guarantee some sunshine on their big day.

But, is the marriage a valid one, and furthermore if the relationship does go south and sadly end in divorce, what can you do about starting divorce proceedings back home in England?

Validity of marriages celebrated abroad

In a marriage contracted abroad, reference is made to s.14 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973, which leads to application of the rules of private international law.

The leading text is found in Dicey, Morris & Collins, The Conflict of Laws 14th ed (2006) at page 789 where it is said that the formal validity of a marriage contracted outside of England and Wales is governed by the law of the country in which it was celebrated – the lex loci.

If the marriage is formally valid in that country, it is formally valid everywhere and the converse is true.

If it is not clear whether the marriage is valid, then it may be necessary to seek a Declaration of Marital Status under the Family Law Act 1996.

Declarations as to Marital Status

The relevant provisions are found in S.55 Family Law Act 1996:

(1) Subject to the following provisions of this section, any person may apply to the High Court or a county court for one or more of the following declarations in relation to a marriage specified in the application, that is to say—

(a) a declaration that the marriage was at its inception a valid marriage;

(b) a declaration that the marriage subsisted on a date specified in the application;

(c) a declaration that the marriage did not subsist on a date so specified;

(d) a declaration that the validity of a divorce, annulment or legal separation obtained in any country outside England and Wales in respect of the marriage is entitled to recognition in England and Wales;

(e) a declaration that the validity of a divorce, annulment or legal separation so obtained in respect of the marriage is not entitled to recognition in England and Wales.

(2) A court shall have jurisdiction to entertain an application under subsection (1) above if, and only if, either of the parties to the marriage to which the application relates-

(a) is domiciled in England and Wales on the date of the application, or

(b) has been habitually resident in England and Wales throughout the period of one year ending with that date, or

(c) died before that date and either—

(i) was at death domiciled in England and Wales, or

(ii) had been habitually resident in England and Wales throughout the period of one year ending with the date of death.

(3) Where an application under subsection (1) above is made to a court by any person other than a party to the marriage to which the application relates, the court shall refuse to hear the application if it considers that the applicant does not have a sufficient interest in the determination of that application.

I have a valid marriage, but now I want a divorce. Where is my marriage certificate?

To issue divorce proceedings in England & Wales, a petitioner is required to file their marriage certificate or a certified copy obtained from the Registrar. If the certificate is available, then that is not a problem.

replacement marriage certificateHowever, if the certificate was from a foreign country and is not in English, then the Petitioner will need to obtain a certified translation of the marriage certificate when filing the paperwork for the divorce.

If the matter is urgent, in certain circumstances the petitioner can give an undertaking to the court that they will file the marriage certificate as soon as it is available and in any event before decree nisi is pronounced.

This might be necessary in situations where one party is racing to keep the jurisdiction of England & Wales when their spouse is trying to issue abroad first to benefit from the foreign jurisdiction.

 I have lost my foreign marriage certificate

To issue the petition here you will need the original or a certified copy. This may be difficult to find or obtain. However, if you have lost your certificate, then you will need to contact the Registrar or equivalent local authority in the country you were married and request a certified copy.

It is vital to have evidence of the marriage and the validity of the ceremony. In extreme circumstances, when you have exhausted all other avenues for obtaining a copy from the country where you were married, the court may entertain an application for permission to proceed without the original document.

Such an application is rare, and you will should take legal advice if you need to take this route if looking to start divorce proceedings without your marriage certificate.

Be prepared

Your marriage certificate is a vitally important document.

Each country has different regulations and you will need to contact the authorities in order to start the process of obtaining a copy of the certificate. The relevant Country’s Government Embassy is a good place to start, and many have a system of application via their websites.

If marrying abroad, the best advice is to go through a recognised tour operator or planner. That way, the chances are if you do lose the marriage certificate they will have a record, and may even be able to assist you to obtain a copy from the local authority in the relevant country.

Keep a copy of the certificate somewhere safe, perhaps even scan it into your computer to store online. That way, if you cannot get hold of a new copy, the court may accept the electronic version.

 

About James and Frank

James Thornton and Frank Arndt, matrimonial experts, founded  Paradigm Family Law in 2014. It is a niche practice specialising in family law advice and the first family law firm to offer services on the basis of BESPOKE FIXED FEES tailored to clients’ particular needs and requirements.

James and Frank have over 30 years’ experience in the field of family law, and provide specialist legal advice for family matters including international family disputes.

 

 

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How much does it cost to get a divorce?

How much does it Cost to get a Divorce?

Published on

Here’s a very informative infographic on the cost of divorce, kindly contributed to The Divorce Magazine by Barlow Robbins Solicitors.

Covering such issues as:

  • On average, how much does a UK couple spend on a divorce?
  • What are the 3 stages of divorce?
  • The rate of divorce in the UK.
  • What are some of the most expensive divorces in legal history?

 

 

The Cost of Divorce

 

Barlow Robbins Solicitors is a Surrey based law firm with an impressive wealth of experience of resolving issues following family breakdown both through negotiation and, where necessary, Court proceedings.

Often the most stressful aspects of a divorce revolve around making acceptable arrangements for the children and reaching a fair division of assets. We’ll make you feel strongly supported and informed with legal advice that is prompt, incisive and clearly communicated. Our solicitors will guide you these difficult and challenging circumstances as smoothly as possible whether you are local to us, national, or are based abroad divorcing as an expatriate.

 

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family disputes and family mediation
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Family Mediation – Family Disputes are not so Much Between Right and Wrong as Right and Right

Published on
Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

Does anyone remember the film, Annie Hall?

In one scene, the screen divides into two showing Annie played by Diane Keaton and Alvie, the Woody Allen character discussing their relationship with their analysts.

Alvie’s analyst asks him, “how often do you have sex together?” He replies-“Hardly ever! I’d say three times a week”.

In response to a similar question from her analyst Annie replies-“Constantly! I’d say three times a week”.

This exchange is not untypical of the emotionally charged disagreements that surface when couples separate.

All too often, e.g. when they are discussing things between themselves or being advised by their lawyers and certainly, when they are in court, this sort of issue which may have underlying significance is either put to one side or is ignored completely.

It is all too often forgotten that disagreements such as Annie and Alvie’s can have a very significant bearing on a couple’s relationship and how they deal with their breakup.

The net effect could be that such issues as child contact are not properly resolved and months or even years down the line the parties find that they are still in conflict with one another.

Mediators are not surrogate therapists or counsellors but in the course of the private, confidential sessions that they facilitate, issues such as those identified by Annie and Alvie can be given proper acknowledgement and if appropriate can be discussed.

Consideration of such issues might result in an acknowledgment by one or both parties which could in turn help them to draw a line and move on.

About Paul

Paul Sandford ( http://www.albertsquaremediation.co.uk/ ) is an accredited civil mediator and Tribunal Judge. He is also an associate of a Birmingham-based firm of solicitors, My Business Counsel.

He mediates for a leading UK charity and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training .

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

 

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define mediation
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Define Mediation as a Divorce Process

Published on
Johnathan Pease Accredited Family Mediator and PPC
Johnathan Pease
Accredited Family Mediator
and PPC

In this interview, we speak with FMC accredited Johnathan Pease of New Landscape Mediation about what exactly family mediation is as well as what it is not.

Johnathan goes on to answer further questions that help define mediation as a divorce process including:

  • Can mediation work for high net-worth individuals?
  • Is family mediation about bringing the couple back together?
  • What about confidentiality?
  • Does working with a family mediator preclude working with a family solicitor?

So if you’re going through divorce or trying to deal with what you imagine is likely to be a difficult and challenging divorce, you may want to hear what Johnathan says about this particular divorce process.

Here’s part of what he had to say when asked to define mediation.

…When going through divorce, a family mediator will do is to take you through the process, in much the same way as a solicitor would in terms of the finances because there are certain legal things that have to happen when separating your finances but a mediator will do it for you in a much more streamlined fashion.

We do sit down with couples, and together organise the finances by looking at what the situation right now, what they both need to achieve going forward and we work out a way of dividing up their assets so that both parties are able to be content with the solution that they come up with. (Cont’d below)

We take that solution and put it together in a proper outcome document that can then be presented to the court for ratification in a consent order.

We do the same thing with the children. We sit down together, we work out, where the children will live, how they’ll move back and forth between the two parents, what’s going to happen over Christmas, what’s going to happen during half terms, holidays and all those sorts of things.

My goal is always to have parents feel that they are able to dance at their children’s wedding 10 years from now as opposed to dragging each other through the courts.

So mediation is a divorce process that helps you to achieve those very simple tasks while keeping your dignity and most of your finances intact.

What is family mediation NOT?

It is not a process where you sit down and get told what is right for you and what isn’t right for you.

It’s not a process where the family mediator sits there and makes a determination that you’re ex-partner has to be punished because he or she has behaved appallingly.

Family mediation is not a process where get specific legal advice but where you get a great deal of legal information. I can tell you for example if a court is likely to ratify and agreement or not. Everybody’s situation is different and our job is to make sure that you’re both content with whatever arrangement you come up with that is available to you within your resources.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Johnathan Pease, of New Landscape Mediation, is a highly experienced family mediator with over 20 years of experience working in family conflict resolution both as a mediator and Family Consultant.

A fully accredited BACP psychotherapist, Johnathan holds several qualifications with ADRg – including Direct Child Consultant (DCC). He is an accredited Civil/Commercial mediator, a member of the UK College of Mediators, and an affiliate member of Resolution.

Johnathan’s flexible and pragmatic approach to mediation makes the most of his understanding of interpersonal dynamics for the benefit of all concerned.

As a father of 2 children, and having experienced a family breakdown himself, Johnathan recognises that there are often many layers to the end of a marriage hindering a successful settlement than first meets the eye. Johnathan applies his varied training and life experience to the time sensitive and practical needs of family mediation with consistent success.

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Divorce and The Myth of Justice in Family Justice

Published on
Johnathan Pease Accredited Family Mediator and PPC
Johnathan Pease
Accredited Family Mediator
and PPC

The myth of justice in Family Justice.

This is a pretty bold title. Am I, as a mere Family Mediation Council Accredited (FMCA) mediator really challenging the idea that the Family Justice system has anything at all to do with meting out justice?  Yes, I am.

It is almost a daily occurrence as a FMCA mediator to hear about someone ‘s feelings of being unfairly treated by their ex-partner.

Sometimes, clients tell me of how hard they’ve worked, or how they’ve given their ex the best years of their life, only to now find themselves replaced by a wealthier or younger model.

Other times it describes the way a non-resident parent feels about how difficult it is to see their children and how they are being blocked by an obstructive ex-partner. In yet other instances it describes a deeply held belief in what they see as their moral right to a certain share of a family asset pot – either because they feel they were the one who worked so hard for it, or because they feel as it is their spouse who wants to end the marriage, why should they lose out?

In almost all cases, there is a belief that if a judge or other authority could only hear about these personal injustices that this court or authority will see the truth, make a judgement and put things right. Unfortunately, this is simply not the case.

The family court system does not in any way concern itself with personal, relational issues. It is only concerned with those elements of the Matrimonial Causes Act of 1973 (and the few amendments since) that apply. In essence, these are to do with the assurance that children are kept safe, are housed and to the greatest degree possible continue to have two parents who can, and will support them.

The Court will also want to ensure that both parties have provided full and frank financial disclosure so that there is absolute clarity about the financial picture before making a decision. If couples go to final hearing and the Court is asked to make a judgment on their behalf, effectively telling them how things will be split, no amount of emotional appeal will have an impact.

Judges will not concern themselves with the fact that your – now ex – partner promised to love you until the day they died but then reneged on that promise and has fallen in love with someone else. They will not punish your ex for lying to you about all those times they said they were playing golf or visiting a sick friend but were really with their lover. The incredibly frustrating and rather sad fact for many is that no amount of proof gathering, or case building will change this.

myth of family justiceThe traditional adversarial type of litigation is basically what we see in the Family Court system.

This has led to a system of “family justice” that for the average family it results in little more than seeing the children of their solicitor and barrister go to a great university. Fighting it out in court, hoping for a judge to see how awful your ex is, such that you are then provided with an award of most of the assets in retribution doesn’t really work.

Even in those rare cases where a judge is swayed by an argument, or where the judge does provide a partner or spouse with the lion’s share of the assets because he feels sorry for a spouse, the legal costs averaging £23,000 per person to receive that award usually completely wipes out any benefit you may have though you were getting (this is the average cost per person for a low to middle income family).

To top that off, as if this financial cost isn’t enough, a battle such as this will almost certainly impact the children and the love/respect they feel for you as parents.

I want to be completely clear on this point: a drawn out legal battle will affect the children’s opinion of BOTH parents.

Children do not simply side with judges, and punish the parent who loses in such a battle. They also have their opinions about the parent who destroyed their other parent in court. Remember, that no matter how much you dislike your ex, or feel they’ve lied or been unfair to you, to your children that person is still their father (or mother as the case may be). Your children are made up from the DNA of both of you.

Two years of hearing about how awful their other parent is (the average length of a family court case), means to put your children through 24 months of hearing that half of their genetic make-up is in some way flawed. Few children will thank you for that.

So where do people who feel they’ve been treated unfairly go? What can they do with these feelings? How can things be put right? These are difficult questions to answer properly in an article such as this.

Certainly, in terms of putting things right and ensuring that someone who has betrayed you is brought to justice, this might not be possible. If you are on the receiving end of something like this, it may well be that for you the only real recourse is to find the right support to help you through it. Wider families, support professionals such as counsellors or therapists and the love of close friends may be the thing that helps you get out the other side.

In regards to reaching a fair financial settlement and ensuring that any injustices that have occurred in the past are not allowed to continue, working with an accredited family mediator will save you a significant amount of time and money over the route of court and litigation.

Attend an initial information meeting with your local FMCA mediator about the options you have, and how mediation might be the thing to ensure that going forward, you are able to keep your savings, the respect of your children, and your own personal dignity.

About the Author

Johnathan Pease, of New Landscape Mediation, is a highly experienced family mediator with over 20 years of experience working in family conflict resolution both as a mediator and Family Consultant.

A fully accredited BACP psychotherapist, Johnathan holds several qualifications with ADRg – including Direct Child Consultant (DCC). He is an accredited Civil/Commercial mediator, a member of the UK College of Mediators, and an affiliate member of Resolution.

Johnathan’s flexible and pragmatic approach to mediation makes the most of his understanding of interpersonal dynamics for the benefit of all concerned.

As a father of 2 children, and having experienced a family breakdown himself, Johnathan recognises that there are often many layers to the end of a marriage hindering a successful settlement than first meets the eye. Johnathan applies his varied training and life experience to the time sensitive and practical needs of family mediation with consistent success.

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McKenzie Friends
photo credit: The Judge via photopin (license)
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How McKenzie Friends Help in the Divorce Process

Published on
Graham Fletcher
Graham Fletcher
Divorce Coach | Author | Public Speaker
McKenzie Friend

McKenzie Friend, Graham Fletcher tells TDM how divorcing couples can get help when faced with court proceedings.

Having been through the courts system himself, Graham has come to know, understand and master what is required in order for your to succeed in your court case.

He explains how working with an experienced McKenzie Friend can help not only prepare for those divorce proceedings that end up in front of a judge, but how some McKenzie Friends can also accompany you to court.

In this interview, some of the questions answered by Graham include:

  • What is a Mckenzie Friend?
  • What role does a McKenzie Friend play?
  • Does a McKenzie Friend provide legal advice?
  • Can a McKenzie Friend accompany me to court or represent me in place of a lawyer?
  • Can a McKenzie Friend negotiate with the other parties in agreements?

If you’re wondering how to deal with divorce when going through divorce court then you may want to speak with a McKenzie Friend as they can indeed make your divorce proceedings more manageable.

Graham Fletcher is a McKenzie Friend with 15 years experience of working with children and families in conflict situations and a qualified mentor – www.mckenziefrienduk.com

Read more articles by Graham Fletcher.

About Graham Fletcher

Post Graduate Youth and Community work, BA Hons Fine Art, OCN Mentoring Qualification, Trained PSYCH-K facilitator, Emotion Code Facilitator

I think the best way to get to know more about me is to read what my clients say about me in their 130 + reviews (click the links below)

Google Reviews | Linkedin | Facebook | Yell

Prior to working as a McKenzie Friend I worked for over 15 years as a Youth Mentor, Music Project co-ordinator, Youth Worker, Voluntary Project co-ordinator and Special needs play-worker

I have personal experience of successfully navigating the divorce process without paying a solicitor during my own divorce in 2012. This was a challenging time of life. Like many people, I had no idea of how to go about the divorce process and could not afford expensive solicitor fees. Without any formal legal qualification, I found myself in a situation where I had to very quickly educate myself in understanding how family courts worked.

I was successful in getting an occupation order and non-molestation order application dismissed and a shared residence order made in relation to my 2 children. I did so with the support of a McKenzie Friend.

mckenziefrienduk.com

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high stakes - divorce story

Choosing your Divorce Lawyer or Family Mediator

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

There are several ways of finding the right solicitor or mediator for your divorce.

If you know someone in any area of the legal field, ask them whom they would personally select.

Another way is to query people that you value in the professional world who they would get for a divorce. That is how I found my solicitor when needing one in a hurry for my divorce. A man that I regularly did business with insisted that only one solicitor would do. I respected his opinion and this particular name came up again and again so that was who I hired to represent me in my divorce proceedings.

There is a lot to be said for word-of mouth recommendations.  You hear about both the good family solicitors/ family mediators and the less stellar ones who bump up legal fees.

Information at the school gates can be valuable. Many of these parents have been through a divorce or know someone who has and can give some advice on this subject.

One mum at my son’s school warned me that my solicitor was like a pit bull – aggressive and occasionally bit its owner. This sage advice made my relationship easier with her, particularly when she was blunt or did not agree with me on some points.

Go online and see who is rated highly in Family Law and has won some professional awards.

If you have heard good things about certain law firms – see if they also do divorces. They want to maintain their esteemed reputations so will hire the brightest in their fields.

Choosing your divorce lawyer
Choosing your Divorce Lawyer

An online search for local listings gives one a beginning point. Go to the individuals’ web sites and also check out their law firms’ ones. See which ones are more appealing and follow up on those. This is also a way to see who is not, and avoid putting those names on your list.

Look at recommendations and low ratings online. Keep in mind a mediator or solicitor may have had 2000 clients who were ecstatically happy with them and their results. The one disgruntled former client may be the only person who submits a rating online, which may make that legal professional erroneously appear less effective.

There are some great divorce package deals online and that makes it easier to see who fits best for your budget.

Top law firms also participate in naming a specific price for various types of divorces. Some of the categories include: uncontested (when both parties agree on getting divorced), contested ones where one person may not want a divorce or has some other issue. The package may be for couples without children. The packages vary per law firm. If you are narrowing down solicitors, see of any advertise a packaged deal. If you really like someone, you can ask if they do any, if none are listed on the web site.

A divorce package has services bundled together for a certain price. If the divorce becomes quite complicated, then other ones may be added ala carte.

Many law firms offer a free initial consultation for a specified amount of time. This is a great way to see whom you click with and would be comfortable sharing your personal information.

It is easier having a face-to-face meeting with a few solicitors or mediators to get a sense if you two are a good match. Some law firms specialize in certain types of clients. If you are a high net-worth client, see who has been in the news lately for getting huge settlements for their clients. Some men may prefer going to a law firm that only accepts male clients for divorce.

Determine if you want to go the mediation route or if you want a solicitor. There are many articles in The Divorce Magazine that explain the differences and singularities to help you decide which one to choose.

Also determine if you want a collaborative divorce, where the solicitors work together in the process, or if you want to go to court. What you decide for the type of divorce process you desire, determines which legal professional that you will hire.

More and more family law solicitors are becoming certified as divorce mediators. If you are on the fence regarding which type of divorce you would like, consider this option. Select a divorce professional that is both a solicitor and mediator. They can go over collaborative vs mediation and work with you in deciding which way to go with your divorce.

 

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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