Dating Coach
Author of The Global Guide to Divorce
Beginning to date again post-divorce can be challenging. One may be clueless how to jump back into the dating game after such a long hiatus. Perhaps there may be children in the house and you are not free to come and go as you please. It’s trickier being able to be spontaneous when having to get a babysitter.
Are you Ready to Date Again?
Is dating something you really want to do or are you being nudged back into it by well-meaning friends? Sometimes people say “It’s about time to go out, you’ve been divorced for a while.” Plenty of individuals have opted not to date after their divorces. Others have and are in happy second marriages. You do not owe anyone an explanation about dating or not dating again s. Think about what you want to do and if you are ready.
Meeting New People
It can be more embarrassing for an introvert to put themselves out there trying to start a conversation with a possible candidate. It takes practice. One does not pick up a musical instrument and be a virtuoso instantly. Striking up a conversation takes practice. This is particularly the case when one was put down or not appreciated in an abusive marriage.
Take baby steps. Get comfortable talking to a wide variety of individuals. Start conversations with baristas, grannies, anyone. Then you seem approachable and easy to have a chat. One guy and I started talking when we were in a queue to get into a Greek Festival. That led to what were our interests, a date and later on an engagement. Making eye contact helps you to look friendly.
Where to Meet People
Coffee shops or venues with a community table. As a writer, this is my type of hangout and I have met interesting people in these types of places. Conversations start and sometime the whole table joins in. This is informational and fun.
Allow people who offer to fix you up, to do so. A seamstress I went to for alterations, talked about another client. She told him about me. We started going out and clicked. He took a job out of town and it was a hard decision not to follow. My dentist fixed me up with his son. We did not click romantically, but had had great times as friends. Point is, friends know both of you and that you two could be a good match.
My parish priest in London gave me this tip which he gives to other singles. The newspaper he recommends vets the people placing notices in the seeking dates section. He has seen some great results and feels this is a reliable way to meet others. Also, some churches have singles’ gatherings which are fun and a low-pressure way to connect with possible new partners. My friend met her second husband this way at her Anglican Church. They were married for twenty years before he passed.
Be Patient
It takes time. Take advantage of opportunities to meet new people and widen your social circle. People whom you do not end up dating can become friends or helpful business contacts. They may have a friend who is just right for you. Dating is an adventure. There are good times and some so awful that they make funny stories to share when out with friends.