divorce process - Page 11

online lawyers

The One about Online Lawyers

Published on
Online lawyers
Alex Williams

Virtual lawyers are not much different from the regular ones. Most people think that lawyers who can be hired online, don’t have the appropriate expertise, which is a huge misconception.

Online lawyers have the same level of expertise and courthouse experience as the lawyers who work from brick and mortar offices. Virtual lawyers have realized the benefits of the digital world and they’ve chosen to shift most of their attorney-client communication to secure online platforms.

In this article we will debunk several myths concerning online law practice and determine the major benefits that hiring an online lawyer can bring.

eLawyering- Requirements and Safety

eLawyering has been a very popular term in legal circles in the last few years. It stands for law practices that deliver their services online.

This field is strictly regulated by American Bar Association or the Solicitors Regulation Authority in the England and Wales. One of the major requirements for online law practitioners is to have a secure section of their website, where clients can register and receive a unique username and password.

Communication in these areas (which are also called secure client portals) is secured with SSL protocols and it is preferable to email communication, because it guarantees client’s privacy.

Secure portals also offer various extra features. In most cases they include secure cloud application that can store documents. This app is used for sharing documents between clients and attorneys, and it uses an external server and encrypted log-in. Some online lawyers also offer live and video chat consultations, as well as some other services that bridge the gap between them and their clients.

Advisory Role

Many online lawyers use their websites to answer the questions of potential clients and give them their legal advice. Most legal advice that the lawyers provide this way are free of charge, and they use this method to prove their expertise and attract new clients. This way even people who don’t need to hire a lawyer can receive an expert advice on legal matters.

This area is also strictly regulated by American Bar Association (all solicitors in England and Wales are regulated by the Solicitors Regulation Authority) and it requires lawyers to follow certain guidelines in order to protect client’s privacy and ensure they are getting the best possible service. These guidelines were introduced in 2003 and approved by the Action of the House Delegates of American Bar Association.

Benefits of Hiring an Online Lawyer

Although most people are not accustomed to online communication with their lawyers, virtual law firms are becoming more popular each year, because people are recognizing the benefits of this type of attorney-client relation. These benefits include:

  • It saves time- Online communication will save you a lot of time, since you won’t need to visit your lawyers at their office.
  • It saves money- Online lawyers offer more affordable rates and since all communication goes through secure client portals, you won’t need to spend money on transportation.
  • Your documents are safer- Law firm office is a busy and dynamic environment, which means that your documents could be easily lost or viewed by unauthorized personnel. Encrypted document apps used by online lawyers are much safer, because they provide a strict authorization, and document backup.
  • It makes online legal proceedings much easier- We are living in a digital age, where various types of legal proceedings are done online. For example, today spouses can start the Oregon divorce online, and this service is also offered in many other states. This way, the lawyers can complete the whole process, without even going to court.
  • You can get legal advice for free- Most lawyers provide free legal advice to potential clients through their websites, emails and social networks.
  • There is less paperwork- You won’t need to make extra copies of your court documents, because cloud app allows you to share digital copies with your attorney and save your money and environment, while doing it.
  • Billing is more transparent- Online lawyers provide you with an easily understandable bill. Most of them use advanced tech to calculate their working hours and provide you with an insight in their work. In most instances they don’t charge you the time they spend on online chatting, which also makes their services much more affordable.
  • You have more payment options- Virtual law firms usually offer more payment options. Their services can be paid for with wide variety of online payment systems.

In 2014 there were 15 virtual law firms in the United States. This is the proof that eLawyering popularity is facing a fast nationwide growth. Legal services require top privacy levels, and since advanced technology managed to provide highly secure communication and document exchange environments, we will witness even bigger growth of eLawyering concept in the future.

 

About Alex

My name is Alex Williams, born and raised in beautiful Sydney. I am a journalism graduate, and a rookie blogger trying to find my luck. Blogs are the perfect opportunity for presenting yourself to wider audience, getting the chance to showcase my expertise and receiving recognition. I am a regular contributor at BizzMark Blog.

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Lost marriage certificate UK

Can I get Divorced Without my Lost Marriage Certificate UK?

Published on
James Thornton and Frank Arndt
James Thornton and Frank Arndt
Founders
Paradigm Family Law

It is becoming increasingly popular to marry abroad.

British couples choosing to marry on an exotic tropical island paradise are jetting off to guarantee some sunshine on their big day.

But, is the marriage a valid one, and furthermore if the relationship does go south and sadly end in divorce, what can you do about starting divorce proceedings back home in England?

Validity of marriages celebrated abroad

In a marriage contracted abroad, reference is made to s.14 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973, which leads to application of the rules of private international law.

The leading text is found in Dicey, Morris & Collins, The Conflict of Laws 14th ed (2006) at page 789 where it is said that the formal validity of a marriage contracted outside of England and Wales is governed by the law of the country in which it was celebrated – the lex loci.

If the marriage is formally valid in that country, it is formally valid everywhere and the converse is true.

If it is not clear whether the marriage is valid, then it may be necessary to seek a Declaration of Marital Status under the Family Law Act 1996.

Declarations as to Marital Status

The relevant provisions are found in S.55 Family Law Act 1996:

(1) Subject to the following provisions of this section, any person may apply to the High Court or a county court for one or more of the following declarations in relation to a marriage specified in the application, that is to say—

(a) a declaration that the marriage was at its inception a valid marriage;

(b) a declaration that the marriage subsisted on a date specified in the application;

(c) a declaration that the marriage did not subsist on a date so specified;

(d) a declaration that the validity of a divorce, annulment or legal separation obtained in any country outside England and Wales in respect of the marriage is entitled to recognition in England and Wales;

(e) a declaration that the validity of a divorce, annulment or legal separation so obtained in respect of the marriage is not entitled to recognition in England and Wales.

(2) A court shall have jurisdiction to entertain an application under subsection (1) above if, and only if, either of the parties to the marriage to which the application relates-

(a) is domiciled in England and Wales on the date of the application, or

(b) has been habitually resident in England and Wales throughout the period of one year ending with that date, or

(c) died before that date and either—

(i) was at death domiciled in England and Wales, or

(ii) had been habitually resident in England and Wales throughout the period of one year ending with the date of death.

(3) Where an application under subsection (1) above is made to a court by any person other than a party to the marriage to which the application relates, the court shall refuse to hear the application if it considers that the applicant does not have a sufficient interest in the determination of that application.

I have a valid marriage, but now I want a divorce. Where is my marriage certificate?

To issue divorce proceedings in England & Wales, a petitioner is required to file their marriage certificate or a certified copy obtained from the Registrar. If the certificate is available, then that is not a problem.

replacement marriage certificateHowever, if the certificate was from a foreign country and is not in English, then the Petitioner will need to obtain a certified translation of the marriage certificate when filing the paperwork for the divorce.

If the matter is urgent, in certain circumstances the petitioner can give an undertaking to the court that they will file the marriage certificate as soon as it is available and in any event before decree nisi is pronounced.

This might be necessary in situations where one party is racing to keep the jurisdiction of England & Wales when their spouse is trying to issue abroad first to benefit from the foreign jurisdiction.

 I have lost my foreign marriage certificate

To issue the petition here you will need the original or a certified copy. This may be difficult to find or obtain. However, if you have lost your certificate, then you will need to contact the Registrar or equivalent local authority in the country you were married and request a certified copy.

It is vital to have evidence of the marriage and the validity of the ceremony. In extreme circumstances, when you have exhausted all other avenues for obtaining a copy from the country where you were married, the court may entertain an application for permission to proceed without the original document.

Such an application is rare, and you will should take legal advice if you need to take this route if looking to start divorce proceedings without your marriage certificate.

Be prepared

Your marriage certificate is a vitally important document.

Each country has different regulations and you will need to contact the authorities in order to start the process of obtaining a copy of the certificate. The relevant Country’s Government Embassy is a good place to start, and many have a system of application via their websites.

If marrying abroad, the best advice is to go through a recognised tour operator or planner. That way, the chances are if you do lose the marriage certificate they will have a record, and may even be able to assist you to obtain a copy from the local authority in the relevant country.

Keep a copy of the certificate somewhere safe, perhaps even scan it into your computer to store online. That way, if you cannot get hold of a new copy, the court may accept the electronic version.

 

About James and Frank

James Thornton and Frank Arndt, matrimonial experts, founded  Paradigm Family Law in 2014. It is a niche practice specialising in family law advice and the first family law firm to offer services on the basis of BESPOKE FIXED FEES tailored to clients’ particular needs and requirements.

James and Frank have over 30 years’ experience in the field of family law, and provide specialist legal advice for family matters including international family disputes.

 

 

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How much does it cost to get a divorce?

How much does it Cost to get a Divorce?

Published on

Here’s a very informative infographic on the cost of divorce, kindly contributed to The Divorce Magazine by Barlow Robbins Solicitors.

Covering such issues as:

  • On average, how much does a UK couple spend on a divorce?
  • What are the 3 stages of divorce?
  • The rate of divorce in the UK.
  • What are some of the most expensive divorces in legal history?

 

 

The Cost of Divorce

 

Barlow Robbins Solicitors is a Surrey based law firm with an impressive wealth of experience of resolving issues following family breakdown both through negotiation and, where necessary, Court proceedings.

Often the most stressful aspects of a divorce revolve around making acceptable arrangements for the children and reaching a fair division of assets. We’ll make you feel strongly supported and informed with legal advice that is prompt, incisive and clearly communicated. Our solicitors will guide you these difficult and challenging circumstances as smoothly as possible whether you are local to us, national, or are based abroad divorcing as an expatriate.

 

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family disputes and family mediation
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Family Mediation – Family Disputes are not so Much Between Right and Wrong as Right and Right

Published on
Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

Does anyone remember the film, Annie Hall?

In one scene, the screen divides into two showing Annie played by Diane Keaton and Alvie, the Woody Allen character discussing their relationship with their analysts.

Alvie’s analyst asks him, “how often do you have sex together?” He replies-“Hardly ever! I’d say three times a week”.

In response to a similar question from her analyst Annie replies-“Constantly! I’d say three times a week”.

This exchange is not untypical of the emotionally charged disagreements that surface when couples separate.

All too often, e.g. when they are discussing things between themselves or being advised by their lawyers and certainly, when they are in court, this sort of issue which may have underlying significance is either put to one side or is ignored completely.

It is all too often forgotten that disagreements such as Annie and Alvie’s can have a very significant bearing on a couple’s relationship and how they deal with their breakup.

The net effect could be that such issues as child contact are not properly resolved and months or even years down the line the parties find that they are still in conflict with one another.

Mediators are not surrogate therapists or counsellors but in the course of the private, confidential sessions that they facilitate, issues such as those identified by Annie and Alvie can be given proper acknowledgement and if appropriate can be discussed.

Consideration of such issues might result in an acknowledgment by one or both parties which could in turn help them to draw a line and move on.

About Paul

Paul Sandford ( http://www.albertsquaremediation.co.uk/ ) is an accredited civil mediator and Tribunal Judge. He is also an associate of a Birmingham-based firm of solicitors, My Business Counsel.

He mediates for a leading UK charity and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training .

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

 

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define mediation
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Define Mediation as a Divorce Process

Published on
Johnathan Pease Accredited Family Mediator and PPC
Johnathan Pease
Accredited Family Mediator
and PPC

In this interview, we speak with FMC accredited Johnathan Pease of New Landscape Mediation about what exactly family mediation is as well as what it is not.

Johnathan goes on to answer further questions that help define mediation as a divorce process including:

  • Can mediation work for high net-worth individuals?
  • Is family mediation about bringing the couple back together?
  • What about confidentiality?
  • Does working with a family mediator preclude working with a family solicitor?

So if you’re going through divorce or trying to deal with what you imagine is likely to be a difficult and challenging divorce, you may want to hear what Johnathan says about this particular divorce process.

Here’s part of what he had to say when asked to define mediation.

…When going through divorce, a family mediator will do is to take you through the process, in much the same way as a solicitor would in terms of the finances because there are certain legal things that have to happen when separating your finances but a mediator will do it for you in a much more streamlined fashion.

We do sit down with couples, and together organise the finances by looking at what the situation right now, what they both need to achieve going forward and we work out a way of dividing up their assets so that both parties are able to be content with the solution that they come up with. (Cont’d below)

We take that solution and put it together in a proper outcome document that can then be presented to the court for ratification in a consent order.

We do the same thing with the children. We sit down together, we work out, where the children will live, how they’ll move back and forth between the two parents, what’s going to happen over Christmas, what’s going to happen during half terms, holidays and all those sorts of things.

My goal is always to have parents feel that they are able to dance at their children’s wedding 10 years from now as opposed to dragging each other through the courts.

So mediation is a divorce process that helps you to achieve those very simple tasks while keeping your dignity and most of your finances intact.

What is family mediation NOT?

It is not a process where you sit down and get told what is right for you and what isn’t right for you.

It’s not a process where the family mediator sits there and makes a determination that you’re ex-partner has to be punished because he or she has behaved appallingly.

Family mediation is not a process where get specific legal advice but where you get a great deal of legal information. I can tell you for example if a court is likely to ratify and agreement or not. Everybody’s situation is different and our job is to make sure that you’re both content with whatever arrangement you come up with that is available to you within your resources.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Johnathan Pease, of New Landscape Mediation, is a highly experienced family mediator with over 20 years of experience working in family conflict resolution both as a mediator and Family Consultant.

A fully accredited BACP psychotherapist, Johnathan holds several qualifications with ADRg – including Direct Child Consultant (DCC). He is an accredited Civil/Commercial mediator, a member of the UK College of Mediators, and an affiliate member of Resolution.

Johnathan’s flexible and pragmatic approach to mediation makes the most of his understanding of interpersonal dynamics for the benefit of all concerned.

As a father of 2 children, and having experienced a family breakdown himself, Johnathan recognises that there are often many layers to the end of a marriage hindering a successful settlement than first meets the eye. Johnathan applies his varied training and life experience to the time sensitive and practical needs of family mediation with consistent success.

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Divorce and The Myth of Justice in Family Justice

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Johnathan Pease Accredited Family Mediator and PPC
Johnathan Pease
Accredited Family Mediator
and PPC

The myth of justice in Family Justice.

This is a pretty bold title. Am I, as a mere Family Mediation Council Accredited (FMCA) mediator really challenging the idea that the Family Justice system has anything at all to do with meting out justice?  Yes, I am.

It is almost a daily occurrence as a FMCA mediator to hear about someone ‘s feelings of being unfairly treated by their ex-partner.

Sometimes, clients tell me of how hard they’ve worked, or how they’ve given their ex the best years of their life, only to now find themselves replaced by a wealthier or younger model.

Other times it describes the way a non-resident parent feels about how difficult it is to see their children and how they are being blocked by an obstructive ex-partner. In yet other instances it describes a deeply held belief in what they see as their moral right to a certain share of a family asset pot – either because they feel they were the one who worked so hard for it, or because they feel as it is their spouse who wants to end the marriage, why should they lose out?

In almost all cases, there is a belief that if a judge or other authority could only hear about these personal injustices that this court or authority will see the truth, make a judgement and put things right. Unfortunately, this is simply not the case.

The family court system does not in any way concern itself with personal, relational issues. It is only concerned with those elements of the Matrimonial Causes Act of 1973 (and the few amendments since) that apply. In essence, these are to do with the assurance that children are kept safe, are housed and to the greatest degree possible continue to have two parents who can, and will support them.

The Court will also want to ensure that both parties have provided full and frank financial disclosure so that there is absolute clarity about the financial picture before making a decision. If couples go to final hearing and the Court is asked to make a judgment on their behalf, effectively telling them how things will be split, no amount of emotional appeal will have an impact.

Judges will not concern themselves with the fact that your – now ex – partner promised to love you until the day they died but then reneged on that promise and has fallen in love with someone else. They will not punish your ex for lying to you about all those times they said they were playing golf or visiting a sick friend but were really with their lover. The incredibly frustrating and rather sad fact for many is that no amount of proof gathering, or case building will change this.

myth of family justiceThe traditional adversarial type of litigation is basically what we see in the Family Court system.

This has led to a system of “family justice” that for the average family it results in little more than seeing the children of their solicitor and barrister go to a great university. Fighting it out in court, hoping for a judge to see how awful your ex is, such that you are then provided with an award of most of the assets in retribution doesn’t really work.

Even in those rare cases where a judge is swayed by an argument, or where the judge does provide a partner or spouse with the lion’s share of the assets because he feels sorry for a spouse, the legal costs averaging £23,000 per person to receive that award usually completely wipes out any benefit you may have though you were getting (this is the average cost per person for a low to middle income family).

To top that off, as if this financial cost isn’t enough, a battle such as this will almost certainly impact the children and the love/respect they feel for you as parents.

I want to be completely clear on this point: a drawn out legal battle will affect the children’s opinion of BOTH parents.

Children do not simply side with judges, and punish the parent who loses in such a battle. They also have their opinions about the parent who destroyed their other parent in court. Remember, that no matter how much you dislike your ex, or feel they’ve lied or been unfair to you, to your children that person is still their father (or mother as the case may be). Your children are made up from the DNA of both of you.

Two years of hearing about how awful their other parent is (the average length of a family court case), means to put your children through 24 months of hearing that half of their genetic make-up is in some way flawed. Few children will thank you for that.

So where do people who feel they’ve been treated unfairly go? What can they do with these feelings? How can things be put right? These are difficult questions to answer properly in an article such as this.

Certainly, in terms of putting things right and ensuring that someone who has betrayed you is brought to justice, this might not be possible. If you are on the receiving end of something like this, it may well be that for you the only real recourse is to find the right support to help you through it. Wider families, support professionals such as counsellors or therapists and the love of close friends may be the thing that helps you get out the other side.

In regards to reaching a fair financial settlement and ensuring that any injustices that have occurred in the past are not allowed to continue, working with an accredited family mediator will save you a significant amount of time and money over the route of court and litigation.

Attend an initial information meeting with your local FMCA mediator about the options you have, and how mediation might be the thing to ensure that going forward, you are able to keep your savings, the respect of your children, and your own personal dignity.

About the Author

Johnathan Pease, of New Landscape Mediation, is a highly experienced family mediator with over 20 years of experience working in family conflict resolution both as a mediator and Family Consultant.

A fully accredited BACP psychotherapist, Johnathan holds several qualifications with ADRg – including Direct Child Consultant (DCC). He is an accredited Civil/Commercial mediator, a member of the UK College of Mediators, and an affiliate member of Resolution.

Johnathan’s flexible and pragmatic approach to mediation makes the most of his understanding of interpersonal dynamics for the benefit of all concerned.

As a father of 2 children, and having experienced a family breakdown himself, Johnathan recognises that there are often many layers to the end of a marriage hindering a successful settlement than first meets the eye. Johnathan applies his varied training and life experience to the time sensitive and practical needs of family mediation with consistent success.

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McKenzie Friends
photo credit: The Judge via photopin (license)
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How McKenzie Friends Help in the Divorce Process

Published on
Graham Fletcher
Graham Fletcher
Divorce Coach | Author | Public Speaker
McKenzie Friend

McKenzie Friend, Graham Fletcher tells TDM how divorcing couples can get help when faced with court proceedings.

Having been through the courts system himself, Graham has come to know, understand and master what is required in order for your to succeed in your court case.

He explains how working with an experienced McKenzie Friend can help not only prepare for those divorce proceedings that end up in front of a judge, but how some McKenzie Friends can also accompany you to court.

In this interview, some of the questions answered by Graham include:

  • What is a Mckenzie Friend?
  • What role does a McKenzie Friend play?
  • Does a McKenzie Friend provide legal advice?
  • Can a McKenzie Friend accompany me to court or represent me in place of a lawyer?
  • Can a McKenzie Friend negotiate with the other parties in agreements?

If you’re wondering how to deal with divorce when going through divorce court then you may want to speak with a McKenzie Friend as they can indeed make your divorce proceedings more manageable.

Graham Fletcher is a McKenzie Friend with 15 years experience of working with children and families in conflict situations and a qualified mentor – www.mckenziefrienduk.com

Read more articles by Graham Fletcher.

About Graham Fletcher

Post Graduate Youth and Community work, BA Hons Fine Art, OCN Mentoring Qualification, Trained PSYCH-K facilitator, Emotion Code Facilitator

I think the best way to get to know more about me is to read what my clients say about me in their 130 + reviews (click the links below)

Google Reviews | Linkedin | Facebook | Yell

Prior to working as a McKenzie Friend I worked for over 15 years as a Youth Mentor, Music Project co-ordinator, Youth Worker, Voluntary Project co-ordinator and Special needs play-worker

I have personal experience of successfully navigating the divorce process without paying a solicitor during my own divorce in 2012. This was a challenging time of life. Like many people, I had no idea of how to go about the divorce process and could not afford expensive solicitor fees. Without any formal legal qualification, I found myself in a situation where I had to very quickly educate myself in understanding how family courts worked.

I was successful in getting an occupation order and non-molestation order application dismissed and a shared residence order made in relation to my 2 children. I did so with the support of a McKenzie Friend.

mckenziefrienduk.com

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high stakes - divorce story

Choosing your Divorce Lawyer or Family Mediator

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

There are several ways of finding the right solicitor or mediator for your divorce.

If you know someone in any area of the legal field, ask them whom they would personally select.

Another way is to query people that you value in the professional world who they would get for a divorce. That is how I found my solicitor when needing one in a hurry for my divorce. A man that I regularly did business with insisted that only one solicitor would do. I respected his opinion and this particular name came up again and again so that was who I hired to represent me in my divorce proceedings.

There is a lot to be said for word-of mouth recommendations.  You hear about both the good family solicitors/ family mediators and the less stellar ones who bump up legal fees.

Information at the school gates can be valuable. Many of these parents have been through a divorce or know someone who has and can give some advice on this subject.

One mum at my son’s school warned me that my solicitor was like a pit bull – aggressive and occasionally bit its owner. This sage advice made my relationship easier with her, particularly when she was blunt or did not agree with me on some points.

Go online and see who is rated highly in Family Law and has won some professional awards.

If you have heard good things about certain law firms – see if they also do divorces. They want to maintain their esteemed reputations so will hire the brightest in their fields.

Choosing your divorce lawyer
Choosing your Divorce Lawyer

An online search for local listings gives one a beginning point. Go to the individuals’ web sites and also check out their law firms’ ones. See which ones are more appealing and follow up on those. This is also a way to see who is not, and avoid putting those names on your list.

Look at recommendations and low ratings online. Keep in mind a mediator or solicitor may have had 2000 clients who were ecstatically happy with them and their results. The one disgruntled former client may be the only person who submits a rating online, which may make that legal professional erroneously appear less effective.

There are some great divorce package deals online and that makes it easier to see who fits best for your budget.

Top law firms also participate in naming a specific price for various types of divorces. Some of the categories include: uncontested (when both parties agree on getting divorced), contested ones where one person may not want a divorce or has some other issue. The package may be for couples without children. The packages vary per law firm. If you are narrowing down solicitors, see of any advertise a packaged deal. If you really like someone, you can ask if they do any, if none are listed on the web site.

A divorce package has services bundled together for a certain price. If the divorce becomes quite complicated, then other ones may be added ala carte.

Many law firms offer a free initial consultation for a specified amount of time. This is a great way to see whom you click with and would be comfortable sharing your personal information.

It is easier having a face-to-face meeting with a few solicitors or mediators to get a sense if you two are a good match. Some law firms specialize in certain types of clients. If you are a high net-worth client, see who has been in the news lately for getting huge settlements for their clients. Some men may prefer going to a law firm that only accepts male clients for divorce.

Determine if you want to go the mediation route or if you want a solicitor. There are many articles in The Divorce Magazine that explain the differences and singularities to help you decide which one to choose.

Also determine if you want a collaborative divorce, where the solicitors work together in the process, or if you want to go to court. What you decide for the type of divorce process you desire, determines which legal professional that you will hire.

More and more family law solicitors are becoming certified as divorce mediators. If you are on the fence regarding which type of divorce you would like, consider this option. Select a divorce professional that is both a solicitor and mediator. They can go over collaborative vs mediation and work with you in deciding which way to go with your divorce.

 

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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how to apply for divorce when your spouse won't sign
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How to Apply for Divorce when your Spouse Won’t Sign the Divorce Papers

Published on
How to Apply for Divorce
Anne McAllister Associate Solicitor

A divorce throws up many different emotions and whilst this can result in some spouses seeking to address the legal position immediately on separation, for others the thought of legal proceedings of any kind can be overwhelming.

In this situation, issues can often arise with the progression of divorce proceedings and one of the most common problems that solicitors are asked to advise on is what to do when one spouse is failing to engage with the divorce process or their exact whereabouts are unknown.

The basics on How to Apply for Divorce when your Spouse won’t Sign

When a Petitioner spouse issues a divorce petition, the Court then sends a copy to the Respondent spouse together with a request to complete and return a form called the “acknowledgement of service” to the court within 7 days of receipt.

The purpose of the acknowledgement of service is for the Respondent to acknowledge receipt of the divorce petition and to indicate to the court whether he/she wished to defend the proceedings.

In order for the divorce to proceed, the court must be satisfied that the Respondent has received the necessary papers and has had the opportunity to respond to the petition if they wish to do so.

The challenges

If the acknowledgement of service is not returned to the court then in order to progress the proceedings, the Petitioner spouse will need to consider what steps can be taken in order to satisfy the court that the Respondent has indeed received the documents and is simply choosing not to return the acknowledgement of service.

how to apply for divorce
How to apply for divorce when respondent’s address is unknown.

There are a number of options for the Petitioner spouse to consider:

Where the address of the Respondent Spouse is not known

Best efforts should be made to try and locate where the Respondent spouse is living but if the Petitioner spouse cannot find this information then they may wish to consider making an application for substituted service.

If the Petitioner has the details of the Respondent’s workplace or a close family member who they know to be in touch with the Respondent then an application can be made for permission to serve the papers at this third party address- this is known as “substituted service” and the application should be made at the outset of the application.

Where the address of the Respondent spouse is known

If the acknowledgment of service is not returned within the court’s timetable then a request can be made for personal service by the county court bailiff or a private process server. This independent third party will then attend the Respondent and personally serve them with a copy of the documents. The bailiff/process server will then prepare a statement of service that is filed with the court as proof that the Respondent spouse has received the documents.

Alternatively, if the Petitioner Spouse has good evidence that the Respondent has received the documents then he/she can use this evidence to support an application to the court for deemed service.

An example of the type of evidence that might be appropriate would be an email, text or note from the Respondent referring to the papers- a conversation or telephone call would probably not be enough as there is unlikely to be any independent evidence.

If the Court is satisfied that the documents have been received by the Respondent spouse then the Judge can make an order that service is deemed to have taken place and the divorce process can continue.

There will be an additional court fee for deemed service and so if the issue is the Respondent’s failure to engage then it may well be worth asking the court to make a costs order at the same time- although the practicalities of enforcing a costs order is a matter for another article..

It is always a good idea to get legal advice about any issues with service so that you use the correct method to ensure the timely progress of your petition.

 

Anne McAllister is a family solicitor and Mediator at Morrisons Solicitors LLP and deals with matrimonial, financial and children issues arising from separation. She is based in their Wimbledon office and together with her colleagues she assists clients across London and Surrey.

You can contact Anne on 0208 971 1080, Anne.McAllister@morrlaw.com or by visiting www.morrlaw.com

 

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I want a Divorce – Contemplating Divorce

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Soila Sindiyo Child Trauma Therapist Founder of The Divorce Magazine
Soila Sindiyo
Child Trauma Therapist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine

It is true that no two divorces are the same, but it is also true that there are some features and traits that run through the veins of most divorce processes.

If you find yourself thinking or stating, “I want a divorce,” or if you are contemplating divorce, here are some things that you need to keep in mind.

Firstly and in no particular order, it is very, very likely going to get rough.

I know of couples who start off their divorce process saying that they will not get into “it” but truth be told, you will at some point or other about one thing or another.

A divorcing friend once said to me, “Our divorce will not get as nasty as yours did,” but it did happen when it came to creating the parenting plan – a very common bone of contention in divorce.

Please, please, please keep in mind that this is quite normal in divorce. It is a fight and it may indeed become a full blown war. When this happens, don’t be surprised. It is part of the divorce process, as callous and dismissive as that sounds. But if you prepare yourself to see the worst side of your soon to be ex, then you will be better able to cope.

So get a good support system around you.  Someone or people who can be and remain objective as opposed to those who will only serve in fanning the flames of your anger, resentment and outrage. Someone who is comfortable enough to say to you, “Dont’ be silly, that’s a riduclous thing to say or do.”

Secondly, prepare to meet your worst side.

You will be astonished that you’re capable of the most awful thoughts, words and wishes than you ever thought yourself capable off.

You will utter the most awful things and you will have lethal and toxic emotions of the worst kind. Deal with them.

Accept that they are there but don’t let them govern, control or regulate your actions. Saying, “she made me do it,” will not cut it with the judge neither will “he asked for it!” The sooner you take responsibility for your own actions the better and the less frequently you will act upon them.

Just don’t make decisions when you are full of anger.  Leave it, sleep on it and keep in mind what Benjamin Franklin said, “Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame.”  Amen to that!

Thirdly, when the war erupts, don’t take it personally. Yes, I know, easier said than done, but I promise you, I

Contemplating divorce
When contemplating divorce, remember to keep the children out of it.

practised this during my second divorce and it helped PLENTY!  I still use it in my daily life and it turns out that it’s a very useful coping skill to have.

During the divorce process, you will fight and truth be told, you would behave in exactly the same way as your ex is if you were made of the same genes and had the same perspective and life experiences. He isn’t fighting you, he is fighting the situation.

She isn’t being hostile towards you per se, it is the situation, the divorce process, that is making her do so. In reality, she would behave the same way if you were Tom, Dick or Harry. It just happens to be you in the firing line or in the ring with her. And he would hate you just as much as he is now if you were Mary, Jane or Lucy – by the way is there the feminie equivalent of Tom, Dick and Harry?  I googled it but couldn’t find anything?

Fourthly, there are other ways of getting a divorce. The divorce process doesn’t have to involve divorce solicitors although, you may still need them at some point, especially if your are lucky enough to have a fairly amicable divorce.  Thankfully today, there are other ways round it. Think family mediation, collaborative law, McKenzie Friends or DIY through the courts. Find what suits you.

Fifth, as mentioned in previous point, get legal advice.  Many solicitors offer a 30 min free consultation. Prepare, prepare, prepare your questions in advance so you can cover as much as possible AND do take a friend with you because they will be better placed in retaining whatever information you get than you would be in this emotional time of your life . So two things, prepare whatever you need to know and take someone with you.

Sixth, remember to deal with your financial order. We have seen in recent times, Vince vs Wyatt, how not dealing with the your financial order and getting a clean break can come back to haunt you. Make sure you get it all done. All of it or as much of it as possible so nothing is left pending.

Seventh, the children have got nothing to do with your split yet everything to do with it. Please, please, please, keep your children out of it.

Look after them and don’t involve them in adult matters. They don’t need to know because they are unable to handle it. They don’t have the maturity to manage the situation. Instead contain their fears and anxieties.

Answer their questions as best as you can by using age appropriate vocabulary. Read up on the effects of divorce on children, why children need fathers or both parents and keep them in mind at all times as you create your age appropriate parenting plan.

If you are able to keep your children in mind, things fall into place because you have a focus, a focal point that is made up of the hearts, minds and wellbeing of the most important people in your life as you both are to them.

Divorce can get crazy and it usually does. Your soon to be ex becomes your enemy, the last person that you want to see or the last voice you want to hear. The mention of their name sends anger spasms through your body, mind and spirit.

For some, not all, but I dare say most, the divorce process does happen like this but it doesn’t have to stay this way.  You alone can control your side of things, your way of handling situations and how well your children cope with the divorce process.

Here are 3 Friedrich Nietzsche quotes that I hope will help in any way possible:

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.

There are no facts, only interpretations.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

It may not look like it now but there is life after divorce.

 

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the five star-rated online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

 

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what divorce taught me

What Divorce Taught Me about “Me” – “JungleDiva”

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What Divorce Taught Me about "Me”
Jungle Diva

If 10 years ago you told me that at the age of 32 I would be divorced, I would have probably laughed so hard in your face.

Never in my entire life had that thought ever crossed my mind.

I clearly remember just after I got married and I went to visit one of my relatives and my uncle said to me: ‘’Well, wishing you all the best. Keep in mind that children from divorced families always end up getting divorced’’.

This came as a complete shock to me, especially coming from a blood relative, but that statement somehow always lingered behind my sub conscious.

Fast forward 2012 when my ex and I parted ways. Nobody really prepares you for this part of your life. Forget about the conversations and agreeing on going separate ways; the hardest part is actually walking away from it all, from what has been your life and love for years. Nobody can prepare you enough for that!

But once you are out, when you have the balls to actually move out, then you are ready for the next step.

Finding a place to live in a foreign country with a foreign language is extremely hard, especially when you are not conversant with the language.

That was my biggest struggle, but thanks to Google translate, I was able to understand part of documents that I was signing.

Hard part was when I had to move! I did it all alone! The day I actually drove back and forth between my ‘new home’ and what was soon to become my ‘old home’ made me realize how people live such isolated lives in the West.

I missed my friends and family back home so much it hurt. I remember crying all the way to my new apartment and all the way back.

I had never felt so alone in my entire life! I was going through so much emotion at some point I got numb from it all. At that point I realized that I was in a foreign country all alone and I could either crumble down from my pain or actually be strong and get moving! I decided to get moving!

Then came the pain….when I was all alone in my  new apartment, with just walls around me…pin drop silence…just me and my thoughts.

When I was forced to face my emotions and what I was going through head on. I cried for hours!

It felt so good to be able to cry. I realized just how much I had died inside. I numbed my emotions for years in order to avoid the pain, but here was I all alone and the reality hit me so hard that tears came down freely. I needed to do that. I needed to water my soul again after such numbness for years! And boy didn’t I drown my soul!

dealing with divorce - change lawyers www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk

After that night, it was one step at a time. The meeting with the lawyer, drawing up the divorce covenant, separating accounts etc.

Signing the papers with the lawyer was such a relief!

I felt like a heavy burden had been lifted off my shoulder!

I knew I had my life back and I was determined to live it to the fullest! That included finding love, and this time I was determined to find love that would help me grow as an individual, love that would be unconditional, love that would have respect and trust, love that would bring friendship before anything else.

Love that would let me be myself and not a shadow of someone else, love that would set my sprit free. And I found it!

6 months after my divorce! I have never been this happy as I am at this moment in my life!

I can honestly say that the divorce was a good thing for me. I have no regrets about my previous marriage, it was part of life that I needed to go through to cave me into this wonderful person I am today.

I know 100% for sure that I would not be half the person I am today if I hadn’t gone through the life I did in my previous marriage and through the divorce. There are so many things I could have done different, but I wouldn’t change anything because the experiences made me.

I should have walked out sooner for sure, but I wouldn’t change my past. I learnt so much about myself in the whole process.

  • I learnt that I am responsible for my own happiness, nobody is and that is the truth and the naked truth. I owned my happiness and it was my responsibility to take charge of it, nobody was going to hand it to me on a silver platter.
  • I learnt that if you suppress one emotion you suppress ALL emotions. You can never fool your subconscious! For many years I suppressed my anger and pain so much, in the process I killed love, laughter and joy. I got numb from everything, a mistake I will never make again.
  • I learnt that if you don’t speak up or stand up for yourself, people will walk all over you and trust me they will! Being brought up in a typical African culture, I was taught to never really say exactly what I was feeling. I was so passive. This meant that I let people walk all over me all the time including my ex husband.
  • I learnt that the mind, soul and heart will always adjust to any situation: bad or good. Take one step from your emotions and make a decision using your brain rather than your heart. Everything else will adjust later on.
  • Hope springs eternal
    Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel

    I learnt that I am ‘Society’ and I could make my own rules and live my life the way “society’ wanted me to live. I was my own “Society” and I made my own rules. I stopped worrying so much about what the rest of the ‘Society’ viewed divorce and decided that the rest would just have to adjust to my choice. This included my friends and family.

  • I learnt that friendship has levels and purposes. Some friends are only meant to be in your life for a specific period and nothing else, some friends are meant to come into your life to solely help you get past something and move on, some friends are meant to only love with you, some friends are meant to cry with you, some friends are meant to lift you up emotionally and spiritually, while some friends need you to lift them instead. Once a friendship  has served it’s full purpose, it’s best to let it go. Holding on to it, when it’s purpose is complete will only cause pain to friends. With that in mind , I have been able to let go of friendship that don’t serve any purpose and been able to make amazing new friendship, temporary and permanent!
  • I learnt that there is so much love out there! There is someone who is ready and open to love you! There is someone whose heart and yours are waiting to connect. There is someone who is waiting for you to get into their life, either temporary or permanently! There is so much love in this world, you just need to open your heart!
  • The best I learnt was that I am an amazing soul..a wonderful sister,a great colleague, a good daughter, a beautiful friend. I am a strong woman who is not afraid to get in touch with her emotions. I am a strong women who is not afraid to take chances! I am no longer afraid to stand up for myself and to speak when I need to. I am no longer ready to live behind the shadow! I am no longer afraid to be vulnerable; to take chances on love; to let people in and out of my life; to be comfortable in my own skin! I am no longer afraid to be me!

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The Divorce Process UK

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Another informative and valuable infographic from Davis Blank Furniss showing the divorce process in the UK so you know what to expect along the way and approximately how long you might expect the divorce process to last.

You may also be interested in the previous infographic by Davis Blank Furniss –  Divorce Facts and Divorce Myths Debunked

the divorce process uk

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