divorce process - Page 8

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Pre Action-Protocol Encourages The Use Of “One Couple One Lawyer”

Published on
Chris Sweetman
Chris Sweetman
Editor at The Divorce Magazine
Director at Fair Result

A pre-application protocol in family law financial remedy proceedings was published last week and it provides a very useful guide to the changes which the family courts will expect in family financial resolution proceedings.

The goal of the new family law protocol

The protocol sets out the main key steps every court will expect divorcing couples to take in relation to non-court dispute resolution (NCDR)

That is resolving the dispute other than through the court process and certainly making every attempt to resolve proceedings without ever having to start court proceedings the new protocol once again underlines the ever-present duty to make full honest disclosure and everybody involved in the proceedings will be required to comply with the terms of the new protocol even if they have not had professional legal advice.

The non-court dispute resolution process still recognises that full robust honest and transparent disclosure is an absolute prerequisite for both parties and it confirms that the use of the form E is still the best way for parties to exchange information.

In essence, both parties will still complete a form E even in the one couple one lawyer future world of financial divorce resolution.

Divorcing couples who obtain legal advice via the one couple one lawyer scheme can demonstrate that they have tried a constructive attempt to avoid contentious and costly court litigation by demonstrating that they have used the scheme in the first instance. Hopefully with sense and goodwill on both sides, many of the cases that lawyers once fought in and forced into court will no longer be necessary. But if it does become inevitable trying the one couple one lawyer approach in the first instance may protect you in relation to court costs moving forward.

The focus of this new approach is to move on to the process of resolving the financial dispute in an efficient and timely way and hopefully avoid the emotional toll on couples of the adversarial court approach. The guide goes on to stress that the one couple one lawyer approach should be conducted with minimum distress to the parties and in a manner designed to promote as good a continuing relationship between the parties and any children affected as possible in the circumstances.

The new approach also demonstrates the rising concern judges have expressed for a number of years now on the hugely escalating and disproportionate legal fees that have been shown to be on the increase year after year. It is simply not acceptable in our opinion nor in the opinion of the authors of the new protocol for the fees to be so disproportionate to the overall financial value of the subject matter of the dispute. Proportionality must always be taken into consideration and looking at the guide if the resolution is not achieved and court litigation is required the court will take into account when considering and if so to what extent to make an order for one party to pay the cost of the other party if they have been overly aggressive or litigious in their approach in the first instance.

Read more articles by Chris Sweetman.

About Chris Sweetman

Chris Sweetman is an independent family solicitor and director of Fair Result – An award-winning law office who pride themselves on using innovative ways to help clients through the stress and complications of a marriage break down.

Chris can be contacted on 07500933818 or via email chris@fair-result.co.uk.

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Family Mediation and ‘MIAMs’: Recent Rule Changes. Young people sitting in a circle and having a group discussion.
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Family Mediation and ‘MIAMs’: Recent Rule Changes

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Emma Alfieri
Emma Alfieri
Legal Director
Greene & Greene Solicitors

Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings (MIAMs) have been compulsory in Family Court proceedings since 2014.

MIAMs – What are they?

‘Mediation’ is a method of resolving disputes through an independent third party, known as a mediator. Their purpose is to assist parties in negotiating a settlement.

MIAMs are a meeting which considers and explains the potential benefits of mediation and other non-court dispute resolution (NCDR) methods. During this meeting, the mediator will provide an indication as to the method that would be most suitable to resolve the prospective applicant’s particular dispute. If you are looking to apply to the court to settle your divorce or separation issues, it is a legal requirement that you first attend a MIAM.

The Rules – What’s changing?

  1. MIAM Exemptions:

The courts are looking to update their rules around the obligations to attend a MIAM, and, from 29th April 2024, they will be introducing various changes to reflect this.

If a MIAM exemption applies, then a prospective applicant will not be required to attend a MIAM.

Previously, an application for a MIAM exemption could be accepted in the absence of any supporting evidence. The new Rules, however, require said evidence to be attached to the application.

The courts will make an initial inquiry into whether the exemption is valid, and this will be subject to an ongoing review. If an exemption is deemed invalid, the court may direct parties to attend a MIAM, and possibly adjourn proceedings for that purpose.

In these circumstances, parties are encouraged to engage with the MIAMs because the court will take parties’ conduct into account when considering whether to make an order for costs in relation to the proceedings.

Why?

A stricter approach to the MIAM exemptions means that it will be harder to avoid a MIAM. You may be asking, what are the benefits of this? Well, by exploring NCDR at an early stage, you might be able to (amicably) reach an agreement, and avoid both the time and money involved in issuing court proceedings. Early resolution can also aid in preserving relationships; this may be particularly important in cases where co-parenting is involved.

What else?

April 2024 also brings with it a new MIAM exemption. If a prospective applicant can provide written evidence that they have attended a NCDR process within the 4 months prior the date of the court application (in relation to the same, or substantially the same, dispute to which the proposed court proceedings relate), then an exemption applies. This will ensure that prospective applicants are not unnecessarily directed to attend a NCDR. ‘Written evidence’ is obtained once a NCDR provider has confirmed that the applicant has attended.

  1. An insight into parties’ attitude:

From 28th April 2024, the court is introducing a new Rule for those commencing either financial remedy proceedings or private law proceedings related to children. Applicants who fall within the relevant criteria must now file with the court, and serve on all parties, a form setting out their views on using NCDR as a method of settling.

Why?

The court has introduced this requisite to monitor and identify whether NCDR is a suitable alternative for parties. Requiring parties to record their views about NCDR on paper will encourage them to think outside of the box (or indeed the court room) and consider whether a resolution can be achieved through other means; the benefits of which have been briefly discussed above.

What can divorce experts do?

As well as supporting you in your Family Court proceedings, divorce experts can refer you to accredited mediators that are recognised by Resolution and the Family Mediation Council, to ensure you have the best chance of success at mediating your dispute.

This is only intended to be a summary and not specific legal advice.

Read more articles by Emma Alfieri.

About Emma Alfieri

Emma Alfieri is a Legal Director at Suffolk firm Greene & Greene Solicitors.

Emma advises on all aspects of family law, including divorce and associated financial matters, disputes between cohabitants and child related disputes.

A member of Resolution, Emma is committed to resolving disputes as positively and agreeably as possible whilst also being motivated to obtain the best possible outcome for her clients.

Since 2012 Emma has been consistently recommended by the Legal 500 on an annual basis and in the most recent 2024 edition Emma is ranked as a “rising star”.

As an advocate of fault free divorce, Emma lobbied at Parliament with other members of Resolution in 2016 to bring about the recent changes to divorce law.

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Child Arrangement Orders: All You Need to Know
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Child Arrangement Orders: All You Need to Know

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Anthony Parrish
Anthony Parrish
Partner
Jones Myers

Child Arrangement Orders are a vital framework for promoting the well-being of children involved in relationship breakdown.

They are particularly important during emotionally challenging times such as separation or divorce, when relationships may be strained. This article shares some key insights on their role in divorce and separation.

What is a Child Arrangement Order?

A Child Arrangement Order is a legally binding order made by a court to establish who a child should live with and the amount of time they should spend with the non-resident parent or other family members, most notably grandparents.

If you are a parent, you can seek a Child Arrangement Order through the Court. Grandparents can also apply for such an order but firstly require the Court’s permission to do so. Such orders are commonly sought in cases where the parents have separated or when obstacles arise that prevent grandparents from having access to their grandchildren.

Why do I need a Child Arrangement Order?

There are numerous situations that may lead you to consider applying to the court for a Child Arrangement Order. They range from the need to establish specific arrangements for your child’s daily life to resolving disputes related to school holidays.

It’s important to recognise that each case is family specific, and seeking guidance from a specialist firm such as Jones Myers is strongly recommended to receive appropriate advice tailored to your specific circumstances.

What will a court consider when making a Child Arrangement Order?

When parties are unable to reach a mutual agreement, the court takes several factors into account which include the child’s best interests and considerations such as the child’s wishes and feelings, particularly when they are older. The court also evaluates the child’s physical, emotional, and educational requirements, as well as the potential impact of any substantial changes in their circumstances.

Additional factors taken into consideration include the child’s age, any known instances of harm or potential risks to the child themselves and the respective abilities of each parent to meet the child’s needs. These elements collectively shape the court’s decision-making process with the ultimate goal of safeguarding the child’s well-being.

Read more articles by Anthony Parrish and Jones Myers.

About Anthony Parrish

Anthony Parrish’s extensive experience in family law spans over two decades, during which time he has developed specialisms in matters relating to children law.

A member of Jones Myers internationally renowned Children’s Department, he deals with issues relating to children, teenagers, parents (including those represented through their official solicitor) and local authorities.

His expertise also encompasses international child abduction cases and same sex relationship issues.

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Understanding Your Financial Rights and Entitlements in Divorce
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Understanding Your Financial Rights and Entitlements in Divorce

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Richard England
Richard England
Divorce & Family Law Solicitor
Woolley & Co Solicitors

When navigating a divorce, understanding your financial rights and entitlements is essential. The process of dividing assets and determining financial settlements is highly complex and varies significantly from one case to another. This guide aims to shed light on key considerations for those seeking a divorce and looking for financial advice.

Starting point for asset division

Typically, the initial approach to splitting assets in a divorce starts with a 50/50 division. However, this is just a baseline. Several factors may influence this split, including the length of your marriage, each spouse’s earning capacity, and both current and future financial needs. This complexity underscores the importance of early legal advice to achieve a fair settlement.

Understanding different assets

Assets like pensions, homes, businesses, and savings are all part of the equation. Each type has its considerations:

  • Pensions – Often the second-largest asset after the home, pensions can be divided in several ways, including sharing or offsetting against other assets. Accurate valuation is crucial, as is understanding the implications of accessing these funds.
  • Family home – There are various ways to handle the family home, from selling and splitting the proceeds to one party buying out the other or maintaining joint ownership until a set future date. The chosen method should consider other assets and overall financial needs.
  • Business assets – If a business qualifies as a matrimonial asset, it may need to be valued independently to ensure it is appropriately considered in the settlement. Options include offsetting its value against other assets, sharing ownership, or even selling the business.

Calculating a fair settlement

Reaching a fair settlement requires a detailed assessment of all assets. It’s crucial to get accurate valuations and consider debts as well as assets. The division isn’t always equal, as the needs, contributions, and future prospects of each party play significant roles.

Legal process and negotiations

If you and your spouse cannot agree on a settlement, the matter may need to go to court, where a judge will decide based on a broad range of factors from the duration of the marriage to the standard of living and contributions made by each spouse. However, settling out of court through negotiation or mediation is often less costly and less contentious, focusing on fair and amicable resolutions.

The role of legal advice

Given the intricacies of financial settlements in divorce, consulting with an experienced family lawyer is highly advisable. A lawyer can help clarify what you are entitled to and suggest realistic expectations based on your unique circumstances. They can also facilitate negotiations and help draft a consent order to make any agreed-upon settlement legally binding.

Next steps

If you are going through a divorce and need to understand your financial entitlements better, it is wise to start with a consultation. Legal experts can offer personalised advice tailored to your specific situation, helping you navigate the complexities of asset division with confidence. Remember, every divorce is unique, and professional guidance is key to securing a fair financial future.

For personalised advice and to understand more about your specific circumstances, consider scheduling a consultation with a family law specialist. They can provide comprehensive guidance and support throughout the divorce process, ensuring your financial interests are well-protected.

Read more articles by Richard England.

About Richard England

Richard England is a divorce and family solicitor with Woolley & Co based in Sutton Coldfield near Birmingham. He is also a fully qualified family mediator and has over 33 years’ experience in the legal profession and over 30 years specialising in Family Law. During that time, he has built an enviable reputation representing clients in the Midlands and surrounding areas he has also dealt with overseas clients on many occasions.

Richard has been named as a Recommended Lawyer for Family Law in the West Midlands in Legal 500, where they note he is “very clever” and has “a brilliant business mind” as well as being “very professional and also speaks normal language which is a huge advantage”.

Richard specialises in financial settlements on divorce and in particular, complex cases involving business interests, farms, family trusts and overseas assets. He also advises clients in respect of co-habitation and pre-nuptial agreements, living together agreements and also in cases involving children.

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Who Gets the Pets in a Divorce?
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Who Gets the Pets in a Divorce?

Published on
Emma Alfieri
Emma Alfieri
Legal Director
Greene & Greene SolicitorsP

Is it always difficult for the parties and their family when going through divorce or separation, but what happens to the family pets?  This is a growing issue given that since the start of the pandemic many households in the UK have acquired a pet for the first time, and some have spent hundreds or even thousands of pounds on their pooches.

Pets are considered to be an asset and are classed in the same category as other valuable items like cars & jewellery. Ideally, separating couples should reach a mutual decision as to who retains the pets, but if that is not possible then what happens?

Some dogs are registered with the Kennel Club and therefore in this scenario one party will be able to prove they are the registered owner of the pet.  If there is no such record, other factors can be taken into account to try and determine who the owner is, such as who cared for the pet, who bought the pet, the owner name on any microchip or the name of the person registered with the vets.

Overall the parties would be encouraged to try and settle the matter between them, and ultimately focus on the pet, in terms of who will have the most time and resources to care for the animal, rather than focusing on their own needs. If discussions do not work then the parties could consider mediation to try and work through the issue (as well as any other outstanding issues which may be in dispute).

If the parties cannot reach agreement they would be entitled to apply to the Court to deal with the issue as part of the divorce proceedings (financial remedy) and the Court’s approach to the issue would be the same as for any other asset.  Although either party would be entitled to take the matter to the family court, unless the value of the pet is significant or there are other financial issues in dispute, the Judge would likely take a dim view of Court disputes regarding family pets. This is in light of the likely disproportionate legal costs and the limited resources of the Court.

If parties are unmarried then the advice would be that if agreement cannot be reached, either party may apply to the small claims court in the same way that they could seek to recover any other asset.

This article is only intended to be a summary and not specific legal advice.

About Emma Alfieri

Emma Alfieri is a Legal Director at Suffolk firm Greene & Greene Solicitors.

Emma advises on all aspects of family law, including divorce and associated financial matters, disputes between cohabitants and child related disputes.

A member of Resolution, Emma is committed to resolving disputes as positively and agreeably as possible whilst also being motivated to obtain the best possible outcome for her clients.

Since 2012 Emma has been consistently recommended by the Legal 500 on an annual basis and in the most recent 2024 edition Emma is ranked as a “rising star”.

As an advocate of fault free divorce, Emma lobbied at Parliament with other members of Resolution in 2016 to bring about the recent changes to divorce law.

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New Beginnings with Divorce
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New Beginnings with Divorce

Published on
Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller
Dating Coach
Author of The Global Guide to Divorce

Divorce can be a catalyst for starting a new life – a chance to discover new interests and rediscover talents. Passions may have gotten put aside or buried in a turbulent marriage or divorce. Dust off the clarinet. Dig out your paint brushes. Get in touch with what you want to do with this new chapter in life.  For example, one recently divorced woman got back into her hobby of pottery. Now her lovely pieces are sold in various venues. Another person had dabbled in painting as a young adult. Post-divorce, she made this her full-time profession.  She is so happy and claims she owes this career change to her divorce.

Time to put yourself first

You may have put other people before you. Take care of yourself and do what you want to do. This means saying “No” to requests of your time and energy. No explanations are required. When you are over extended, you have less energy and your health can be affected. The stress of the divorce process is compounded when trying to live up to other’s expectations and doing too much. Nurture yourself during proceedings.  Set limits on your time in regards to helping others. It is harder to make a new beginning when bogged down with too many unnecessary obligations.

Take baby steps with change

Think about what you enjoyed in the past. What gives you pleasure now? How can you incorporate them into your life? Start by adding them into your schedule, the same as you do for appointments and work commitments. Put at least one fun or pampering activity in your calendar daily. Nurturing yourself helps lower your stress hormones, which makes it easier to try new endeavours .

Be open to opportunities

Consider taking a class which will benefit you professionally or personally. This can help initiate a new career path or different job. I took the opportunity to join Toastmasters when running into some of the members unexpectedly. This opened up doors to speaking internationally in fun locations.  Try new things when you have the opportunity. You broaden yourself and do not have to stick with anything for life. A friend offered me her drum set after my divorce. I took her up on it, and discovered a new passion. Take advantage of what comes your way.

A change of environment

Sometimes after an acrimonious divorce, moving away is what is needed to start over. Going back to the same cafés etc. where you went as a couple, can keep you rooted in the past.  A friend and his wife moved to a small town from London. After several years there, they divorced. Dylan felt that he could not escape her. Going to familiar places were a trigger for feeling her energy and not breaking free. He wanted a new life. Only when Dylan relocated and began a relationship with a lovely woman, was he able to start a new chapter in life.  New surroundings can be freeing from the past.

Break Free

Ask yourself what seems to be your stumbling block from having a new beginning. Even if something sounds bonkers, think about it. One man interviewed, said that his hair was a history to his past. After a horrible break up, he had all his hair cut off. He regrew it and feels no ties to his past and is living a new chapter. Do what it takes so you start anew.  Some people have changed their names post-divorce, not just the surname. Others have started new lives by going to retreats or an ashram. Travelling internationally and mingling with other cultures broadens one world and view point. This is what helped me have a new beginning and career.   Think about what excites you and go for it!

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.  https://globalguidetodivorce.com     

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.

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Navigating Divorce with Grace: Insights into Collaborative Law

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Embarking on the journey of divorce or separation can be daunting, but there are alternative methods to traditional litigation that prioritise cooperation and mutual agreement. In this exclusive Q&A session, we sit down with Charlotte Bradley, an esteemed expert from Kingsley Napley, to delve into the world of Collaborative Law.

Discover insights, tips, and invaluable advice on how Collaborative Law can pave the way for amicable resolutions and a smoother transition during challenging times.

What is collaborative law/practice?

Collaborative family law (or practice) is a way in which a separating couple can, on a consensual basis, resolve issues without court proceedings.  You, your former partner/spouse and your respective lawyers all work together to resolve the various matters arising from separation, including the financial issues and the arrangements for any children.

How does it work?

Each client appoints a collaborative lawyer and the couple and their lawyers then consider the issues which should be addressed, and also which professionals to involve, for example a child specialist to consider the child arrangements, counsellors to support the parties and a financial professional to help with future financial planning. The lawyers and clients sign an agreement in which they all agree not to go to court and instead there is a series of meetings in which a transparent and open dialogue is encouraged. While each lawyer is representing their respective client, the professionals and the couple strive to work together as a team, with the joint aim of avoiding court proceedings. If either party decides they must go to court to obtain a final decision, then each of the couple need to instruct new lawyers.

How does it differ from other ADR options (such as mediation)?

Mediation uses a similar model of face to face meetings, but a mediator is not representing either of the couple. Although they can provide lots of information about options (the court process etc), the mediator is unable to advise on the likely outcome of any proposed settlement. For most family mediation, lawyers tend not to be in attendance (although increasingly, hybrid mediation where the lawyers are in attendance is becoming more common). Some individuals prefer the support of having a lawyer with them in meetings to help discuss and negotiate the various issues as happens in collaborative law.

What are the advantages?

Each client has the support of their trained collaborative lawyer who contracts with the couple to act in a constructive way and are encouraged to put all the family’s (including any children’s interests) at the forefront. For clients who feel insecure about attending mediation without their lawyer next to them (for example if there is a significant disparity in financial knowledge or bargaining power), collaborative law can be a good option as they can seek advice and support throughout albeit the advice that their lawyer gives is more transparent and negotiations should be less polarised than in the traditional court model. The possibility of counselling input and expert assistance around the children’s needs is actively encouraged. The flexibility of the process also enables other professionals to be brought in when needed, for example it is not unusual to bring in a financial planner and other professionals to help consider the future finances for the family including cash flow modelling, options around pensions etc.

What are the downsides?

Collaborative law is not suitable for everyone, and best serves couples who show a commitment to finding a solution to the various issues themselves but with legal support and advice. It is also only suitable for those who expect to give full and frank disclosure about their respective financial positions and other circumstances. Sometimes, if one of the couple wishes to delay the divorce (for example they intentionally postpone meetings etc), the collaborative process can be slow and costs can increase so careful managing of the process is required (and the lawyers and the couple need to be confident that the process is right for them before signing up). The collaborative agreement, requiring couples to change lawyers if the process breaks down and they want to go to court, can sometimes concern potential clients but that disqualification clause is important to encourage the couple and their lawyers to have the right solution focused mindset, to enable non-polarised negotiation and to resolve the issues.

Do you still have to go to court at the end?

No one needs to attend court and if agreement is reached, the collaborative lawyers can transfer the financial agreement into a draft consent order which is lodged at court (with financial summaries) for the judge to approve. It is also common in collaborative law (as it is in mediation) for the couple to prepare and sign a parenting plan setting out the arrangements for the children (although that is not routinely lodged at court).

How long does it take and how much does it cost?

Both answers depend on the issues to be resolved and how engaged the couple (and their lawyers) are to reaching a resolution. If they are committed to the process, and regular ‘four way’ meetings are diarised without delay in between, then collaborative law can be very quick as there is no court timetable applying. Or sometimes one or both of the couple can take time to come to terms with the breakdown of the marriage and resolve the various issues and need more time between four way meetings to reflect and to take advice from their collaborative lawyer. As to costs, they can vary depending on the amount of meetings and how complicated the issues are as the costs will depend on the amount of time the two lawyers spend on the collaborative case (typically based on their hourly rates). It can often be cheaper if the couple bring other professionals to assist on key areas (eg on the child arrangements or for cash flow modelling).

What else can it be used for (eg pre-nups)?

Collaborative law is very flexible and can be used in all areas of potential family dispute. It is particularly effective when couples are discussing the terms of a prenuptial or cohabitation agreement – so that each of them are having clear and transparent discussions with shared professional advice about their future plans and intentions, critical in my experience as different approaches on money and children can cause problems in a marriage or long- term relationship.

Is it a US import? What has changed in the last 20 years in the way it is used here?

So I did the first training in Europe just over 20 years ago (collaborative law having first started in the US and Canada), and with others, helped establish collaborative practice in the UK. What has changed is that we are more aware of the need to bring in non- legal professionals into the collaborative process (eg child specialists and counsellors) to really focus on the solutions for families on separation, with the law being only one small part.

How does it fit with clogged family courts, no-fault divorce, and other modern family law /societal trends?

Collaborative law is one of the now established methods of non-court resolution and, along with other non-court processes (like mediation) is actively encouraged by the government and the judiciary. Following the introduction of no-fault divorce two years ago to help reduce conflict between divorcing couples, there is strong encouragement for couples to resolve their differences without attending court, to reduce cost, the pressure on the court system and also to help avoid the effects of conflict on children which can be caused by long legal battles. And as new court rules come into law on 29 April 2024 to ensure that all couples consider non-court options such as mediation and collaborative law, collaborative practice is likely to be something that becomes of more interest to separating couples in the years to come.

Read more articles by Kingsley Napley.

About Charlotte Bradley

Charlotte Bradley is a Consultant and former head of the Family team at Kingsley Napley LLP. She advises on all aspects of family law, particularly issues to do with finances and children. She is author of the respected legal textbook on Schedule 1 cases. She is also an accredited mediator and collaborative lawyer, often working with high profile and high net worth couples keen to resolve their separation in private.

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How to End a Marriage Peacefully
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How to End a Marriage Peacefully

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chloe-o-contributor
Chloe O.
Alternative Dispute Resolution professional and Certified Divorce Coach
The Divorce and Separation Coach

Not all marriages end in drama and fanfare. In many cases, couples just grow apart. They stop loving each other or simply evolve in different directions. In these kinds of situations, most couples agree that there is no need for war or acrimony. They have come to the conclusion that their marriage is over, but it doesn’t mean everything they had together was a lie and should be destroyed. The question is then about how to end the marriage peacefully and with dignity, rather than angrily and destructively.

Key to the success of such an approach will be the intent of both parties. The more committed they are to managing things with low conflict, the more likely they are to succeed. Because, contrary to what one might think, divorcing amicably can be difficult. You need to negotiate the terms of your agreements, which requires compromise and flexibility. In many ways, divorcing in court is the easy way out: you are delegating the decision-making to a judge. It involves great cost and means you have no control over the terms of your divorce, but it doesn’t involve agreeing to some of the other spouse’s requests.

Couples are more likely to divorce peacefully when they have learned to trust and communicate with each other during their marriage. If the couple has worked together as a team in raising their children and running a family, they are better able to leverage these skills once again at the time of separation. Trust is a key ingredient here as it allows each spouse to feel confident that the other isn’t trying to stab them in the back, and that the proposals they are making are reasonable. It doesn’t mean they will agree on everything, but it means that they are both willing to listen to the logic behind the other person’s position, and to contemplate things from their point of view, without assuming any ill intentions.

Most importantly though, the key to a successful divorce is to seek professional support. Even for a couple who is starting things off with the best of intentions, there is always a degree of conflict involved in divorce. The process requires disentangling two lives, which means everyone is losing something. There will inevitably be times when the soon-to-be-divorced couple will disagree on how to proceed. Professional support can help them get unstuck and explore other options. They can help them leverage conflict de-escalation techniques to make sure they don’t become entrenched in seemingly irreconcilable positions. As mentioned above, amicable divorce is hard work, and it is sometimes difficult to stay the course. The key here is not just to get help when you need it, it is to reach out to like-minded professionals whose objective is to support you in achieving a low-conflict divorce. Caution is therefore of the essence in selecting the professionals who will see you through your divorce negotiations.

The prize, however, makes it all worth the effort. By having a peaceful divorce, you will be preserving your own and your children’s wellbeing by limiting stress, conflict, and uncertainty. If you are co-parenting, this means you will ultimately find it easier to work together as a team to raise your children going forward and have a much better post-divorce relationship. A peaceful divorce will also help you achieve a much better outcome because it will be one that you agreed to willingly, after careful consideration, not one that was dictated by a third party who doesn’t know you. Unfortunately, the idea that divorce is a war where someone loses and someone wins still dominates mindsets. The reality is that everyone will lose a little and win a little. But when you go to court and turn the process into an open conflict, everybody loses, including your children and your bank account.

Read more articles by Chloe O.

About Chloe O.

“My name is Chloe O., I am an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) professional and a Certified Divorce Coach. I specialise in working with women to help them reduce conflict during and after divorce by improving their negotiation and communication skills with their spouse. The objective is to work towards an amicable divorce outcome in order to minimise the emotional and financial cost of divorce. I work with all types of clients but I have extensive experience in supporting expatriates and international families who are dealing with the unique situation of living abroad during and after their divorce, with limited local family support, language barriers and relocation considerations.”

For more information about my work and services (including my Podcasts, newsletter, myth-buster videos…), you can visit my website and/or follow me on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.

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Relationship and Power Dynamics on Divorce: Tips for Handling a Separation
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Relationship and Power Dynamics on Divorce: Tips for Handling a Separation

Published on
Katy Duff
Katy Duff
Solicitor
Burgess Mee Family Law

Power dynamics within a relationship often continue to play out during and after a separation. This can make coming to a final agreement about children or finances challenging even with the advent of no-fault divorce. The following tips are useful to keep in mind when you are going through a separation and things can feel overwhelming.

It is not ‘aggressive’ to instruct a lawyer

It can take real strength and courage to make the decision to separate, likewise to instruct a solicitor to help you through the process. Seeking a professional’s help to guide you is entirely sensible and reasonable. It should empower you to think about next steps, the future and what is right for you.

Focus only on what you can control

It is not a valuable use of your time and energy when trying to separate and heal to predict or anticipate your ex-partner’s/spouse’s behaviour, as this will  cause unnecessary worry and stress for you. Rather, your focus should be on navigating your own way.

Don’t negotiate against yourself

Don’t  stop yourself from putting forward proposals or requests that are in your interest because you think they will not be accepted by your ex-partner/spouse. With the support of a professional team, you will be aware of all the different options open to you. This should allow you to feel comfortable in what you are suggesting, knowing that in doing so you are still working towards a practical solution for everyone.

Identifying difficult behaviour

It can be hard to manage difficult behaviours from your ex-partner/spouse after you separate, but. you do not need to do so alone. You should speak to your solicitor about any particular concerns and how you expect your ex-partner may react to a suggestion or a proposal. Professionals can guide the case forward with a better understanding of when challenging conduct may arise and how this might feed into wider patterns of behaviour.

Delegating management of the short term

Once patterns of behaviour are identified they can be navigated. Your solicitor should give thought to how final orders (in children or finances matters) will operate when professionals are no longer involved. For example, clear and ambiguous wording will be needed to make clear the terms of an agreement so that you are not embroiled in lengthy and difficult correspondence when implementing an order or discussing the practicalities for handovers at the weekend. This will only foster continuity and stability so that you and your children feel certain about the arrangements. You should speak to your solicitor about any points you think will be tricky in future and they should do the same.

Make the process work for you

Difficult personalities may deliberately time emails and correspondence to you or your solicitor at awkward moments to disrupt arrangements or your general wellbeing, i.e. a letter changing contact arrangements on the cusp of the weekend or a proposal for financial settlement sent late on a Friday afternoon. To prevent this, you can discuss and agree adopting a working practice with your solicitor. For example, you could ask that correspondence received on a Friday afternoon is sent to you on a Monday unless it is absolutely critical for your attention that day. This will allow you to prioritise and reclaim your time and space. Trust your solicitor to let you know whether you need to see something today or first thing next week after you have had two days to pause and reflect.

What about controlling or coercive behaviour?

Controlling or coercive behaviour is an act or pattern of acts of threatening, humiliating or intimidatory behaviour designed to make a person subordinate, isolated and frightened. It is insidious, unacceptable conduct that no one should have to tolerate, involving  behaviour that goes beyond typical disputes in a separation.

If abuse is identified as an element in a case you can work with your solicitor to ensure the risks to you, your children and your case overall are managed appropriately, in order to protect and prioritise the wellbeing of you and your family. The legal system should not be used to perpetrate further abuse and the courts are increasingly sensitive to litigation being weaponised in this way.

You should be able to participate in discussions, negotiations and or proceedings without risk or fear for your mental, physical or economic wellbeing or that of your children. Attention to detail and a wider understanding of historic behaviour is key to helping your solicitor in understanding the situation. This will allow them to tailor their approach and ensure you receive the support you need throughout your separation.

Rome wasn’t built in a day. Be positive but realistic

Even the most straightforward separation can often throw up unexpected and unforeseen issues. Your solicitor is there to guide you through divorce, but no two cases are ever the same. You are at the start of the rest of your life and that will take time. There will be delays, deadlines and counterpart solicitors who simply don’t respond. Sometimes it will be slow. Your solicitor will be doing all they can to keep you out of court (or they should be) and if they’re not, they should be explaining why, so that you know what the next step looks like. Court should always be a last resort but don’t overlook it as an option and a way to put in place a timetable that you and your partner can work towards with consequences if you don’t.

Seek support

You should feel supported at every stage as you move forward with the next stage of your life. There are many specialist organisations and professionals with particular understanding of the difficulties inherent in relationship breakdowns. There is no shame in seeking additional professional support including from a therapist, divorce coach or independent financial advisor (and your solicitor will be able to refer you to their connections in these spheres). They will also be alert when it sometimes may not be obvious that help is needed, so be open to exploring those options. Having a network of friends, family and professionals on hand can be key to guide you through the challenges of the process of separation and divorce and get you safely to the other side.

Read more articles by Burgess Mee Family Law.

About Katy Duff

Katy Duff is a solicitor at Burgess Mee, an award-winning specialist family law firm in London. Katy advises on a broad range of issues including divorce, matrimonial finance, financial claims for unmarried parents and matters involving children. She has specialist experience of cases with issues of domestic abuse. She is co-chair of Resolution’s National Domestic Abuse Committee.

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How not to ‘hard launch’ your divorce
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How Not to ‘Hard Launch’ Your Divorce

Published on
Sarah Bunn
Sarah Bunn
Associate
Burgess Mee Family Law

In this digital age there is often a temptation to take to social media to record a landmark life event. Coupled with this, for many, there is also the desire to use social media to put the wrongs of the world to right – whether that is in relation to world politics or our personal lives.

In the context of divorce proceedings, from which financial and children proceedings can also follow, a solicitor’s headline advice is likely to be to avoid sharing information about one’s divorce on social media, or at least to err on the side of caution. We all remember Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s ‘conscious uncoupling’ campaign. However, without a PR team behind you, any possible benefits seem to pale in comparison to the possible pitfalls.

Social media may appear to provide useful guidance and tips about navigating the divorce process but often this “advice” or anecdotal evidence is incorrect and could even be harmful. All families are different, and it follows that all divorce experience is different.

As a starting point, parties involved in family court proceedings are expected to uphold confidentiality. This means not sharing details about the case to third parties (unless in specific circumstances, such as when speaking to a legal representative or experts in a case). It also means that a party must not share documents relating to their case with third parties, including their entire social media network. In the context of divorce proceedings, which is largely an online process where spouses can usually avoid ever stepping into a court room, this can easily be forgotten. In financial and children proceedings, whilst attendance at court is more likely, reminders are often necessary.

Divorce, Confidentiality & Social Media

A breach of confidentiality in relation to family proceedings can have a negative impact on one’s case. Judges will be far from impressed and may say so, and in more extreme cases, the individual who is in breach of confidentiality can face fines and/or even a term of imprisonment.

It is important to be aware that even if one maintains confidentiality about the proceedings themselves, derogatory posts on social media about your spouse/child’s other parent can be used as evidence in a case. For example, social media posts about what a terrible person your (soon-to-be former) spouse/partner is or criticism of their parenting styles are often screenshotted and exhibited to narrative statements in order to evidence the conduct and entrenched views of one party about another.  More often than not, this will negatively impact a judge’s perception of the person posting such information, as opposed to the ‘postee’.

It is important to remember that judges are human and that they have a fairly wide discretion within the law. If they take against a particular party, this could impact the final decision which may be unappealable so keep them onside if you can.

Family, Social Media & Divorce

During family proceedings, it is often advisable to avoid social media altogether as what may be construed as positive posts can be used in a negative context, for example, during children proceedings where a party posts a photo of their new partner having a fun day out with children. If the other parent did not know that the children had been spending time with a new partner, such photos may be used as an example of a lack of positive co-parenting and joint decision-making.

Divorce, Finances & Social Media

In financial proceedings, constant updates about new relationships and time spent at each other’s home can be used as evidence of one of the parties’ cohabitation, or intention to cohabit with their new partner or even that claims of financial straits are untrue; “Just look at that 5-star hotel/business class flight/new handbag!”. This may impact financial provision made upon divorce. Even screenshots of CVs and comments found on a spouse’s professional profile can be used as evidence in relation to income and earning capacity.

As an aside, divorcing spouses should also be made aware, at the start of a case, about the move towards transparency in the family court. This development brings in a presumption that approved media and legal bloggers may attend most hearings in the family court and that they may report what they see, hear, and read, although usually the reporting will be anonymised first. This change in the ‘private’ nature of proceedings may result in an inevitable loss of control by parties to keep the details of their case private and shielded from mainstream media, even if they uphold their side of the confidentiality bargain.

Whilst media outlets will not construe every case as a matter of public interest, and there are limits to what can be reported, if you have concerns about this, it is important to have a discussion with your solicitor about whether the media may be interested in your case, and what steps you can take to keep details of your case private.

Some helpful guides about confidentiality in family court proceedings can be found on the government website:

Read more articles from Burgess Mee.

About Sarah Bunn

Sarah Bunn is an Associate at Burgess Mee. She specialises in complex financial remedy and private children law cases. She also advises clients in relation to nuptial agreements and cohabitation disputes.

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Will I Lose My Personal and Business Assets in Divorce?
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Will I Lose My Personal and Business Assets in Divorce?

Published on
Kate Booth
Kate Booth
Solicitor, Head of Family & Matrimonial
Brindley, Twist, Tafft & James Solicitors (BTTJ)

Former partners have the right to claim a stake in anything from their ex’s business to a jackpot win unless the correct legal procedures have been followed to ensure full protection.

Without a financial order in place – which includes a clean break – divorcees are leaving themselves exposed to the risk of being forced to part with personal or business assets.

A divorce simply ends a marriage. Without a financial order couples are still financially tied in the eyes of the law. So if a person later builds a big nest egg, has a successful business, makes a good return on the sale of a property or wins the lottery, their ex has the right legally to make a claim against them.

Although dividing up a business and its assets is a lot more complicated for the courts, it is still not without risk. A lot of it comes down to personal circumstance.

A court will look at various things such as the length of the marriage, when the business began, the kind of business it is, its assets, how much it was worth in the past and by how much it has increased during the marriage – in some cases a business will be deemed as an asset capable of being divided.

Factors which help determine a court’s ruling include the financial circumstances of each of the individual parties, ensuring both sets of financial needs are met to accommodate a decent standard of living.

Where possible courts will look at meeting a spouse’s financial needs without dipping into non-matrimonial assets.

A person who has remarried would generally be unable to make a claim against their former spouse, but the person who remains unmarried can still apply.

People who end their marriages with online divorces, including couples who make a joint application, may be among those who later find themselves the subject of claims.

With no legal advice included in the ‘DIY divorces’ many remain unaware the divorce simply means the end of the marriage and not the end of financial ties.

It comes back to the first piece of advice we would always give which is do not leave things, even if very amicable at the point of divorce, as if one day circumstances change – for example unemployment, illness or injury – a court can only work from values of assets at the time the application is brought.

It may rule that an increase in the value of the business should not be attributed to the person making the claim, but there is always a danger that it might be.

For further details on BTTJ log on to www.bttj.com.

Read more articles by Brindley, Twist, Tafft & James Solicitors (BTTJ).

About Kate

Kate deals with private family law cases including divorce and related financial matters, children, injunction and cohabitation issues. She also advises clients in connection with pre-nuptial and cohabitation agreements.

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Tips For Settling an Amicable Divorce: Navigating With a Gentle Approach
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Tips For Settling an Amicable Divorce: Navigating With a Gentle Approach

Published on
Jennifer Bell
Jennifer Bell
Conflict Resolution Specialist

Going through a divorce can be an emotionally challenging time, but it doesn’t always have to be filled with conflict and animosity. When both parties approach the process with understanding and empathy, an amicable divorce can be achieved. In this article, we’ll explore some valuable tips to help individuals beginning or settling divorce proceedings navigate the path of separation with a gentle, happy, and clear approach. Remember, the support of a compassionate divorce attorney can make all the difference in ensuring a smooth and amicable divorce.

Communication is Key:

Open and honest communication is the foundation of an amicable divorce. Approach discussions with a willingness to listen and understand each other’s perspectives. Keep conversations respectful and focused on finding common ground, allowing you both to move forward positively.

One of the keys to successful communication during a divorce is active listening. When we truly listen to our partners, we validate their feelings and show them that their thoughts and emotions are important to us. It’s essential to set aside distractions during conversations and give each other undivided attention. Avoid interrupting, and instead, take turns expressing your thoughts and feelings. Remember that communication is a two-way street, and actively participating in the process can foster a sense of mutual understanding.

Choose the Right Divorce Attorney:

Selecting the right divorce attorney can significantly impact the tone and outcome of your divorce. Look for a lawyer who prioritises mediation and collaboration rather than confrontation. A compassionate divorce attorney can guide you through the process with care, emphasising mutual solutions and striving for an amicable resolution.

When searching for the right divorce attorney, consider seeking recommendations from friends or family who have been through similar experiences. Look for someone who has experience in handling amicable divorces and values the importance of maintaining a positive relationship between both parties. During your initial consultations, pay attention to their communication style and whether they actively listen to your concerns. Remember that a lawyer who understands the emotional aspects of divorce can provide valuable support and legal guidance.

Prioritise the Wellbeing of Children:

If children are involved, their well-being should always take precedence. Keep their best interests in mind and strive for a parenting plan that ensures a stable and nurturing environment. Co-parenting with mutual respect fosters a sense of security for the children during this transitional phase.

When discussing child custody arrangements, remember that consistency and stability are vital for children’s emotional well-being. Focus on creating a parenting plan that allows both parents to be actively involved in their children’s lives. Be flexible and considerate of each other’s schedules and commitments. If necessary, seek the help of a child specialist or family therapist to ensure the plan’s suitability for your children’s unique needs.

Practice Empathy and Understanding:

Divorce can bring up intense emotions, but try to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. Acknowledge your emotions and allow your partner to express theirs without judgment. Practising empathy can lead to more constructive conversations and pave the way for an amicable settlement.

Empathy involves putting ourselves in our partner’s shoes and trying to understand their feelings and perspectives. When conflicts arise, take a step back, and try to see the situation from their point of view. This approach can help de-escalate tense situations and foster a sense of mutual respect. By showing empathy, you can create a positive environment that encourages cooperation and compromise.

Consider Mediation:

Mediation can be an effective way to resolve disputes in a non-adversarial setting. A skilled mediator can help facilitate discussions and assist both parties in reaching agreements that work for everyone involved. Opting for mediation often reduces stress and legal expenses, making the process smoother for everyone.

During mediation, a neutral third party works with both spouses to identify common goals and explore potential solutions. Mediation sessions provide a safe space for open communication and creative problem-solving. This process allows couples to maintain control over decisions regarding their divorce rather than leaving them in the hands of a judge.

Be Willing to Compromise:

Compromise is essential in any amicable divorce. Focus on finding solutions that meet the needs of both parties, rather than trying to “win” every aspect of the settlement. Being flexible and willing to give and take can lead to a more harmonious resolution.

When discussing issues such as asset division or alimony, consider the bigger picture and the long-term benefits of compromise. Avoid getting fixated on small details that may not significantly impact your future. The willingness to compromise demonstrates a commitment to resolving conflicts peacefully, which can lay the foundation for a positive post-divorce relationship.

Protect Your Financial Interests:

Even in amicable divorces, it’s crucial to protect your financial interests. Be transparent about assets and debts, and work together to divide them fairly. Consulting with a financial advisor can provide additional clarity and ensure a stable financial future for both parties.

Before making any financial decisions, gather all relevant financial documents, including bank statements, tax returns, and investment accounts. With the guidance of a financial advisor, you can analyse your financial situation objectively and create a plan that aligns with your future goals. Additionally, consider updating beneficiaries on insurance policies and retirement accounts to reflect your new circumstances.

Take Time for Self-Care:

Divorce can be emotionally draining, so it’s essential to prioritise self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as spending time with supportive friends and family, pursuing hobbies, or seeking professional counselling if needed.

Self-care during divorce involves nurturing both your physical and emotional well-being. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient rest can contribute to better emotional resilience. Surround yourself with a support network of friends and loved ones who can provide emotional comfort and encouragement. Remember that seeking professional counselling can be beneficial, as it provides a safe space to process your feelings and emotions.

Keep the Future in Mind:

Focus on building a positive future for yourself post-divorce. Letting go of resentments and negative feelings can be challenging but is essential for personal growth. Concentrate on the opportunities ahead and the chance to start anew.

Instead of dwelling on the past, embrace the possibilities that lie ahead. Set new personal and professional goals, and take steps towards achieving them. Keep in mind that while divorce marks the end of one chapter, it also opens the door to new beginnings and opportunities for personal growth.

Celebrate Achievements:

As you progress through an amicable divorce, take time to celebrate the achievements you and your partner make along the way. Each step towards a fair settlement and a respectful separation is a milestone to be proud of.

Celebrate moments of compromise and successful communication. Recognise the efforts you and your partner put into maintaining a positive and respectful divorce process. Celebrating achievements, no matter how small they may seem, can reinforce the commitment to an amicable resolution.

Settling an amicable divorce requires a gentle and understanding approach, as well as a commitment to open communication and cooperation. By following these tips and seeking the guidance of a compassionate “divorce attorney,” you can navigate this challenging time with grace and positivity. Remember, putting the well-being of any children involved first and practising empathy can lead to a smoother transition and the chance for both parties to move forward with hope and happiness.

About Jennifer Bell

Jennifer Bell is a recent divorcee, conflict resolution specialist, and writer for divorce lawyers in the Philadelphia area.

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