coping with divorce - Page 19

Divorcing a Narcissist

Divorcing a Narcissist

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

A narcissist has an inflated sense of self and needs a constant stream of admiration.

They cover up their low self-esteem by exaggerating their achievements. Their sense of entitlement enables them to feel unique and a cut above others. They crave the attention of the wealthy and powerful.

Approximately 1.06% of the population is clinically narcissistic and more have traits of this personality disorder.

A Narcissist is the King in a game of chess, and every other piece around them is there to protect and to do their bidding.

Narcissists take advantage of others for their own ambitions, whether it is a spouse or co-worker. They are masters of manipulating vulnerable people and crushing their self-worth. A narcissist can turn on the charm and don the smiling mask, which is their public persona. These people become angry when others discover what they are really like behind this mask.

One woman decided not to be an enabler anymore and play the adoring wife in public. Narcissists go to great lengths to preserve their public images, so her enraged husband left her. He was shocked when she quickly filed for divorce and did not crawl back.

They may go after the boss’s daughter or someone else who can assist their grandiose schemes. After the narcissist achieves their goal, then marital issues surface.

Narcissists blame others, so view relationship problems as solely the fault of their spouse. They probably will refuse to go to marital counselling, since nothing is their fault, and they do not feel the need to change.

Tell your solicitor that your spouse is narcissistic, so she can plan specific strategies.

They routinely lie which makes divorce more challenging.

One collaborative solicitor would comment on the husband’s hand tailored suits. He puffed up with the “admiration” and the sessions went more smoothly. The solicitor had her client quickly give in on the small issues, to lessen the chance of larger ones becoming contentious.

The narcissist’s own solicitor stated it was the most difficult divorce that he ever had done.

Expect that there will be drama divorcing a narcissistic person and try to keep the sessions low key. If you are about to lose it, ask for a break and go scream in the loo. Strive to maintain a calm demeanor since the goal is to get through divorce as quickly as possible.

Narcissists are less likely to accept feedback or be able to negotiate, so I found that the collaborative divorce process worked best for me. Every situation is different, but I felt more comfortable having my own advocate.

More strategies are to avoid conflicts and stay under her radar. Best to avoid battles since a narcissist will want to punish you for perceived sins against her. This is the person to avoid having direct communication with after the marriage ends. Have a mediator handle all communication between exes post-divorce to decrease conflict.

It is important to rebuild one’s self-esteem after marriage to a narcissist, so one feels empowered during divorce and beyond.

See a therapist or coach to repair self-worth after being belittled for so many years. Lean on friends and family for support and fun. Expand your social and professional networks. The key is to nurture yourself so that you heal after going through this ordeal.

divorcing a narcissist
source – pinterest.com

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

Don’t forget to subscribe to our youtube channel www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk  today

 

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Divorce Support Groups

Divorce Support Groups and Workshops UK

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

During divorce there are online and offline groups to help one get through this life changing transition.

In the States, it is common for a judge, interim psychologist, or the solicitors to mandate that the spouses take a co-parenting class (separately).

However, after divorce, when I particularly wanted assistance for myself, it was scarcer. Of course I could have gone to a life coach, which is helpful, but I wanted the type of interaction only found in group setting.

In the UK today, there are several organisations in the UK that provide post-divorce support and guidance in such a setting.

The charity Divorce Recovery Workshops (DRW) is mainly staffed by volunteers who have gone through divorce themselves. Their six sessions are around two hours and cover such topics as “Coping with your ex-spouse”, “Letting Go and Forgiveness” and “Thinking about new relationships.”

A video is shown first, followed by a discussion and sharing of experiences. The participants realize that others are going through the same problems and “recovery from traumatic experiences can bring opportunities for personal growth.” DWR has quarterly weekend retreats in lovely country hotels from Friday evening to after Sunday lunch. Since they are a non-profit organization, fees are kept reasonable. Go online to find a workshop near your area www.drw.org.uk

Divorce Care is a global organization that has branches in the UK and elsewhere. I tested this by selecting the various cites of London, Cape Town, Auckland, New South Wales, Australia, Cincinnati (USA) and Chicago and yes there were groups in these places.

Divorce Care meets weekly and shows a “video seminar” first and then there is a discussion and sharing of the participants’ lives.

People learn practical tips that help them recover from divorce. Some Divorce Care participants have stated that it is like becoming part of a family. Divorce Care shows “ways to restore your hope and rebuild your life.” Some branches of this organization have kids groups for those aged 5-12 and are called Divorce Care for Kids (DC4K). Divorce Care’s web site is www.divorce.org

Maypole Woman is a charity run by women and for women which continues to be a support in the post-divorce period. Their helpful links are great no matter where you live in the UK. This Leed’s charity is particularly interested in helping women post-divorce and “enabling them to meet the needs of their children effectively at all times.”   www.maypole.org.uk

Divorce Support Group has specially trained therapists who run small groups for ninety minute sessions for ten weeks. People are evaluated first in an individual session with a therapist that lasts fifty minutes.

The participants range from going through a divorce to being divorced and moving on. The prices are £50 for the initial consultation and £38 per session with a discount if you pay for all of them on the first visit.

Divorce Support Group states “By sharing similar experiences, doing some tried and tested exercises, meeting others in similar situations and by learning to manage your own and your children’s experience of your separation, you will begin to take control back into your life and think about your future instead of only your past.”  www.divorcesupportgroup.co.uk

Restored Lives course “supports and empowers people to move forward from divorce…to live a full life free from past issues.”  This charity has group sessions run by people who have been divorced themselves. A meal starts off the evening course followed by discussions in small groups. Some topics covered are: “Resolving Conflict”, “Parenting Issues” and “Moving Forward with Hope.” Restored Lives has courses throughout the UK   www.restoredlives.org

Check the MeetUp.com groups in your locale for specific divorce groups or the more general social ones.

These groups are all around the UK and in many parts of the world. If venting to friends is not enough, it is nice to know that there are organizations that provide post-divorce support in group settings around your area.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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clean break

Coping with Divorce Anger

Published on

Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukIn this interview by Suzy Miller, Counsellor and Psychotherapist Paula Farson of Cedar Counselling explains why it makes sense to get psychological support earlier rather than later when navigating divorce or family separation.

“Many clients come to counselling in crisis but realise it would have been life enhancing to invest in their wellbeing earlier.

We often carry the belief that it is disloyal to our family members to discuss our lives with a counsellor when in reality the reverse is true.  What we really need is to be able to express ourselves openly and feel completely un-judged – and not be afraid of upsetting anyone by expressing our pain or our rage.  So a counsellor we don’t know socially is much more useful to us than someone we are friends with.

When we work on our psychological well being the positive changes in us are picked up by people close to us, often leading to a healthy ripple effect.

Happy parents lead to happy children, relaxed adult children bring about contented older parents and an accepting relationship with one’s ex is a relief to all parties!

In Psychotherapy, there is no prescribed number of sessions and the process is different for every individual and tailored to their needs.

Counselling and psychotherapy provides a confidential, non-judgmental environment to be ourselves without masks or filters.  And the sooner we use it to release withheld anger and emotional suffering, the healthier it is for us and for our families and friends and – most of all – for our children.”

 

Interview by Suzy Miller of The Alternative Divorce

Follow Suzy on Twitter, Google+, Facebook

 

 

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Divorce Humour

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Top 6 quotes to show some divorce humour.

Enjoy!

 

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Empty Nest Syndrome Post-Divorce

Facing Empty Nest Syndrome Post-Divorce

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

An Empty Nest is especially challenging for parents who face yet another loss after divorce.

People may be experiencing the different stages of grief with their divorce, and now also mourn what was and may never be again with their child.

One goes through anger and eventually moves on to acceptance in the cycle of grief, as time goes by. This is the period to reinvent yourself and discover long last passions.

Having a quiet house seemed to be one of the worst things for me.

I brought my stereo system out of hibernation and got some tiny new speakers. I joined the vinyl craze in the states and bought some new records. Listening to old favorites with my cats around, makes loneliness a thing of the past and both of my college age sons enjoy listening to these classics when they are home.

There are ways to make this transition a little easier and reduce the loneliness that may come with the empty nest syndrome:

  • Schedule something fun to do immediately after your child leaves for school. I had a facial a few hours after my youngest son left for uni and required this pampering. The kind therapist let me express my sadness as she massaged lovely aromatherapy oils on my skin. The next morning I had a latte with a pal, and a movie with another one later in the day. I met with friends for the first several days of this transition.
  • Get together with other Empty Nesters for support and fun. My friend Patti formed a group with her son’s classmates’ parents and they meet once a month. It used to be for tears, but now it is for laughter and camaraderie.
  • Delay doing big projects until after your child is gone. This is the time to organize your home office or tackle the mess in your garage. Being focused on a large task, decreases time to dwell on one’s new situation.
  • Expand your social or professional groups. I joined a MeetUp.com group and can go out weekly for lattes, lectures or other activities. I joined Toastmasters International to become a more effective speaker.
  • Join some groups and organizations. The Women’s Institute (WI) evolved from traditional activities during WW1, to empty nest syndromefencing, DIY classes and teaching other skills now. The WI is having a resurgence of new members with many in their 30’s. There is even a WI goth group in London and I have discovered many new Scandinavian authors from my book club.
  • Go back to school for pleasure classes or to advance your career. I took a computer class after my son left. An acquaintance obtained her teaching degree during her Empty Nest period. She was so busy with these courses that she barely had time to think about her kids that had flown the nest.
  • Get out of your comfort zone and build self-esteem. This is the time to climb up Kilimanjaro or find charity treks around the UK or far flung places. Expand your fitness level as you train for these endeavours or join an exercise class. I started Zumba and Tai Chi during this episode.
  • Consider hosting a foreign exchange student for a few weeks or a school year. You will have a student who needs care and advice in your home. You may end up with a new family member for life as some people have told me. These people enjoyed learning about other cultures and visiting their “kids.”
  • Take a trip to get away and be in a new environment. Visit old friends who may be going through the Empty Nest as well. Go overnight to a nearby spa for some pampering.
  • Volunteer and give something back to others. I love feeling needed with my weekly volunteering at a cat rescue group. The kitties purr with their appreciation. Consider adopting a new pet. If unable to commit, foster a cat or dog short-term.

There was a study released in the states that indicated a correlation with getting breast cancer around eighteen months after the last child left home.

When I thought about the people I know who had breast cancer, this was the time that they discovered it as well. A woman told me this week that her surgeon said there is a connection between strong sad emotions and the occurrence of some prostate and breast cancer.

This research of emotional states increasing the risk for cancer is in its early stages, but I am having as much fun as possible to decrease my chances for it.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

Don’t forget to subscribe to our youtube channel www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk  today

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Divorce Mediation vs Family Court
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Divorce Mediation vs Family Court

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Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukWe often hear that Mediation is “better for the children” – but when it comes to making the decision divorce mediation vs family court many people are unsure which way to turn.

Suzy Miller interviewed Divorce Mediators John Stebbing and Wendy Still of Stephen Rimmer LLP and he explains why using divorce mediation instead of the courts is a wise choice

John explained how the adversarial nature of divorce is based on recent history but how this no longer needs to be the way the process is carried out.  He spoke of a successful mediation where a father had not seen his children for 3 years, but through using mediation techniques even at the late stage of the case being handled by the courts, a clever resolution was found.

The edicts from the court were in practice unrealistic, asking the father to write letters to his small children as his only way of contact with them – yet the poor father had no way of knowing what to write because he had no knowledge of the daily lives of his children.

This whole process was taking a very long time with long gaps between court dates, which was leaving his children feeling that he didn’t care about them as he was struggling to know what to write to them.

Through mediation, the couple learned to communicate, and the father got to know more about his children which meant that he was then able to have something meaningful to write in the letters.

Mediation is known to help parties reach an agreement which is suitable to meet their own particular needs rather than a court directing what will happen in theirs and their children’s lives.  Families know what will work best for them so it makes sense that they decide how their lives will move forward.

There are also financial benefits of going through mediation as opposed to family court.  For instance, going to court very likely means taking your solicitors with you which is a very expensive process as it maybe lengthy and may entail more than one visit.

Also, the adversarial nature of the the family court route means that more likely than not, there maybe long-term damage done within the family and beyond, demolishing any existing relationship – intentionally or not.

Some people are nervous about mediation and benefit from attending an initial MIAMS session where you learn about how it works and what you can expect from the process.  Even people who are dead against it are usually acting out of fear of the unknown.

“My recent experience has been that even if the parties or one of them doesn’t think mediation will help or work, they are surprised once they have attended at how helpful it ends up being.  It is, of course, now a statutory requirement (at least a MIAMS is), therefore the best that can happen is that they reach a suitable compromise between them enabling each party to move on with their lives.” says Wendy

So, divorce mediation vs family court?  You decide.

Interview by Suzy Miller of The Alternative Divorce Guide and creator of The Divorce First Aid Kit

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filing for Divorce – 3 Top Financial Tips

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Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukSuzy Miller interviews David Martin and Suzanne Craig of Knill James Accountants on 3 top financial tips when filing for a divorce.

 

Filing for Divorce  – Financial Tip 1

Be organised

Where are the bank accounts?  Where are all the bank statements – are they only online and how can you access them if you’re not the spouse in charge of the finances?

Don’t forget that if you are feeling uncomfortable about talking to your ex-partner about where the relevant financial information is kept, whilst gathering what you need in order to complete the Form E (also known as the Financial Statement – download it here), then no need to fear – your accountants can make those phone calls on your behalf.

 

Filing for Divorce  – Financial Tip 2

Visit an accountant early as possible

Please don’t turn up 3 days before a Form E needs to be submitted, and make your accountants’ lives hell!

They want to do a really thorough job and it is going to be in your interests if the financial information you submit is as comprehensive and accurate as possible.  Don’t bury your head in the sand.  Drop the kids at the school gates and get that meeting with an accountant organised as early as possible.

 

Filing for Divorce  – Financial Tip 3

Business valuations take time!

Business valuations take some time to complete, so seeing an accountant early is wise.  Don’t leave it all to the last minute.  Also make sure that the accountant you use has the expertise and the experience to provide a thorough business valuation.

 

Interview by Suzy Miller of The Alternative Divorce Guide

 

 

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what does marriage mean to you?

What does Marriage Mean to You?

Published on

What does marriage mean to you?

Rachel Donald
Rachel Donald

With the wedding season approaching, many of us will find our social calendars brimming with vows for the remainder of the summer months, not to mention the investment in wedding attire, presents and supportive pre wedding celebrations.

As a family lawyer, I can’t help but wonder whether many of the happy couples have given a great deal of thought to what marriage means to them from a legal perspective.

Why would they?

Every couple enters into marriage with the absolute belief that marriage is for life – “until death do us part”. It’s always the last thing on most newlyweds’ minds to even consider the possibility of their relationship breaking down and the financial impact that may have in years to come?

The Law Commission have recently issued a report recommending that more information is provided to couples before they get married so they are aware the financial implications marriage can have.

It is a sad reality that modern day Britain sees a very large proportion of marriages ending in divorce. And with rates on the rise as a society, we do not appear to be getting any better at staying together.

prenuptial agreement www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukRecent studies suggest that married couples who make it to their 10th wedding anniversary are more likely to avoid separation. But conversely figures are rising for the so called ‘silver separators’ who are experiencing an increase in divorce following retirement.

People divorce for many different reasons but the one thing all divorcing couples have in common is that on their wedding day they had usually have very little knowledge, if any, about the legal implication of their commitment.

So, what if, the unthinkable happens and separation is contemplated?

After pooling together resources, sharing a life together and often raising a family, the idea of dividing the hard earned assets built up during a marriage is an emotional and daunting exercise for many separated couples.

What was the family home often becomes a major point of dispute. Suddenly the inheritance received by one or other of the couple during the marriage becomes an asset to protect as do the pre-owned item and chattels which one or both might have brought with them.

What about the family business – how will that be affected? How can the ‘pot’ be split?

The answers to many of these questions will depend upon the extent of the financial resources at their disposal: the first step towards a fair outcome has to be for each spouse to tell the other what they have, what it is all worth and what they each earn.

bride and groom - www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukThe question is then how it could and should be shared. This is usually where an experienced family lawyer will ensure a fair arrangement is agreed in a constructive and amicable way.

If you have any reservations about the financial implications of marriage and the impact of a potential divorce, it is important to speak to a family lawyer and deal with any assets which you may wish to protect, such as family inheritance or a business.

It may be appropriate to enter into pre-nuptial agreements which are becoming a popular solution for many couples as they are now recognised in the English Courts.

So should we all know more about what we are entering into when getting married? Saying that there should be some legal guidance on this issue sounds very unromantic and I don’t want to put people off getting married, but I do think it’s important to know the implications of whatever endeavour we undertake so we can make informed decisions.

I have no doubt that for many of us marriage will continue to form the basis of our family units regardless of the legal implications.

But without wishing to give “something blue” to every marrying couple, would it not be better for everyone to know where they stand before saying “I do”?

 

Rachel is a Senior Associate in the Family Law Service at the city law firm Charles Russell LLP, based in the firm’s Guildford Office.

Charles Russell’s family team is within the magic circle of family lawyers and advise on domestic and international family law. Rachel specialises exclusively in family law and advises on all matters including divorce, civil partnership dissolution, pre-nuptial agreements, cohabitation and matters involving children.

Rachel has particular experience with high net worth financial cases, enforcement of matrimonial orders, cross jurisdictional maintenance disputes and appeals against the Child Maintenance Service.

Email: rachel.donald@charlesrussell.co.uk

Direct tel: 01483 252548

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How to Survive a Divorce using EFT

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Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukIn this interview with EFT expert Susan Cowe Miller, she explains to Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller, how EFT Tapping can help with divorce stress; one of life’s big emotional challenges.

How to Survive a Divorce using EFT

Divorce Stress is one of life’s big emotional challenges.  Feelings of frustration, anger, helplessness, injustice all come high on the list.

A need for increased confidence, stronger self-worth and self-esteem seem necessary but sometimes they appear out of reach.

I share here the first of two easy to follow self-help Tapping videos; hugely effective in lowering stress and anxiety.

EFT can help clients deal with overwhelm, deep stress, self-sabotage and as a result they benefit from improved physical health and positive emotional well-being.

So how can EFT Tapping help you?

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) works to release trapped negative energy blocked within the body’s energy system. EFT has been called ‘Psychological Acupuncture’ because you tap on energy channels and voice your distressing issue, event or pain. When you are happy your energy flows easily through the energy channels but when you become stressed by a negative emotion blockages then appear within the energy system and potentially cause physical illness and pain.

The negative energy released by EFT Tapping has been stored since the specific negative event, statement or issue first took place, months or many years before.

EFT works at a conscious and subconscious level. It clears negative experiences from your past so that you change your emotional reactions today; you live and react in the present – not repeating negative patterns of learned behaviour from past stressful events.

It can be used as a self-healing tool but it is advised to work with a practitioner if troubled by big trauma.

Tapping is a powerful tool and you now have it, at your fingertips!

Suzy Miller of The Alternative Divorce

Follow Suzy on Twitter

Susan Cowe: EFT (Tapping) practitioner and author of ‘Survive and Thrive after Trauma’

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What Doesn’t Kill Us

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What Doesn't Kill Us
Prof-Stephen-Joseph

When adversity strikes, people often feel that at least some part of them – be it their views of the world, their sense of themselves, their relationships – has been smashed.  Those who try to put their lives back together exactly as they were remain fractured and vulnerable.  But those who accept the breakage and build themselves anew become more resilient and open to new ways of living…

There is no doubt that adversity can lead to great psychological suffering.  We know that extremely frightening events can lead to very high levels of distress, which, in turn, can persist for many months, even years.  Not everyone experiences full-blown posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), but most people will develop some of the emotional turmoil of posttraumatic stress following adversity…

…trauma can have both negative and positive implication, and that the negative and the positive go hand in hand…posttraumatic stress is a natural and normal process of adaption to adversity that marks the beginning of a transformative journey.  Recovery from trauma consists of finding new meanings, creating new webs of understanding and finding reparative methods centered on the sharing of memories.  Viewed in this light, posttraumatic stress can be understood as a search for meaning in which the drive to revisit, remember and think about the trauma is a normal urge to make sense of a shocking experience, to grasp new realities and incorporate them into one’s own life story…

As human beings we are storytellers.  Trauma triggers within us the need to tell stories to make sense of what has happened. These stories may take the form of conversations with family, friends and colleagues.  And our conversations are influenced by what we read in newspapers and see on television, and by the books, songs and poetry that provide us with language that captures in words, music and images what we are experiencing.  Transformation arises through the stories we tell.

It is in the struggle to make sense of a traumatic event that growth can take hold.

What doesn't kill us - www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk

 

 

This is an extract from Prof Joseph’s new book What Doesn’t Kill Us – The new psychology of posttraumatic growth.

www.profstephenjoseph.com

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Post-Divorce Advice

Post-Divorce Advice – Avoid Complications

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Woman’s Holistic Guide to Divorce

Many people expressed surprise that once divorced, the relationships with exes were anything but over. They felt waltzing out of the court room or solicitor’s office meant freedom and a totally new life.

Post-divorce experiences with former spouses depend upon many factors, such as being caught up in the blame game, or wanting to extract revenge. Laying low and staying off your ex’s radar is a viable solution.

Are you giving your former spouse ammunition by spreading your divorce story all over town?

My divorce solicitor said “Don’t talk about your ex at all to anyone. Anything said can come back and bite you on the bum.”  She does not even share personal aspects about herself to casual friends. This solicitor has witnessed many horror stories with post-divorced people blabbing too much to others. I followed the WWII saying, “Loose lips sink ships” as my motto.

Hazel got slapped with a slander suit months after her divorce. She had been tight lipped post-divorce and did not see this coming.

Slander is making false statements about someone else to a third party. Even though the onus is on the person initiating this lawsuit to prove the allegations are false, it still involves time, legal expenses, and stress to the person accused.

Slander can lead to defamation which endangers some else’s reputation, job with potential financial loss, and standing in the community. If the person filing a defamation lawsuit proves false statements damaged his livelihood then hefty fines and possible jail time can be given to the former spouse.

Do not even whisper any rumors, just keep your mouth shut.

post-divorce advice
Slander is making false statements about someone else to a third party.

Hazel called her collaborative solicitor who could not defend her on this post-divorce charge although helped Hazel get a new one. The new one worked with both parties and drew up a legal gag order for BOTH of them. Hazel guessed the leaks were the two sons who talked to teachers and friends’ parents. Also well-meaning friends defended Hazel to her ex’s co-workers, so a lot of gossip was passed along too. Hazel plugged these leaks by threating her boys and friends to keep quiet. She did most of her confiding after that to a psychologist friend and her life went more smoothly.

Libel is stating false allegations through writing. It also includes oral remarks made through the media, such as radio interviews.

Celebrities occasionally sue newspapers for reporting what they say are untrue stories, such as having an affair. Then it is up to that media source to prove that it is a fact. Sometimes there is a private settlement and the celebrity drops the charge.

Your solicitor or mediator will strongly warn not to post anything damaging about your former spouse on social media. Just do not mention your ex on any site to avoid possible libel.

Do not let anyone take compromising photos of you or post comments that could be misconstrued or misinterpreted on social media. Photos and comments regarding excessive partying on social media can and have been used as evidence post-divorce to go to court to amend custody arrangements. You want to be viewed as the reliable parent you are, and not someone whose priority is mainly elsewhere (nightclubs).

There are abusive ex-partners who do not want to let go no matter what.

One way to get out of their web is to relocate if this is feasible. This works well if you moved when getting married, do not have family ties in that city and can work in another locale. Keep your solicitor in the loop if lawsuits seem imminent.

Choose to respond, rather than reacting to whatever they may throw at you. One cannot change other people, only one’s own actions and responses. Rejoice when this type of ex-spouse remarries, because their focus may lessen on you. A supportive network and having fun is crucial in maintaining sanity post-divorce.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Importance of Financial Goal Setting

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Independent financial Advisor
Paul Gorman
Principal Partner
Beaufort Planning

In my previous article we spoke about the importance of gathering accurate data and piecing together your financial jigsaw. If you follow the steps suggested you’ll now hopefully have a good understanding of your current financial position.

In this one I’d like to take a look at setting goals, and working out what is it from a financial perspective you’d like to achieve.

If at all possible, don’t rush into this and also remember ( and this bit may be difficult ) to try and be realistic in the context of your circumstances as you will need to agree all of this with your partner and if you can’t then the courts will.

You may have a reasonably straightforward financial situation with straightforward aims that you want to achieve, or your financial situation and your goals may be more complex.

Whatever your situation, don’t just think of the immediate here and now.

Whilst, that’s likely to be the most pressing for you, also try and think and plan ahead:

  • · Short term – the next five years.
  • · Medium term – five to ten years.
  • · Long term – more than ten years.

Write down all your thoughts, think them through, discuss them with your lawyer. It may be that you decide to eliminate those that are of least importance to you or refine others having taken time to think things through.

If you need help with budgeting and calculations there is some excellent information available at The Money Advice Service.

The calculators help to explore potential settlement scenarios and are able to give you an indication of how financially matters may pan out for you post divorce.

By going through these steps and those suggested in my previous article, you are now hopefully in a position of being better informed about your financial position and have some direction as to where you would like to get to.

Paul Gorman

www.beaufortplanning-westmidlands.co.uk

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