Many people expressed surprise that once divorced, the relationships with exes were anything but over. They felt waltzing out of the court room or solicitor’s office meant freedom and a totally new life.
Post-divorce experiences with former spouses depend upon many factors, such as being caught up in the blame game, or wanting to extract revenge. Laying low and staying off your ex’s radar is a viable solution.
Are you giving your former spouse ammunition by spreading your divorce story all over town?
My divorce solicitor said “Don’t talk about your ex at all to anyone. Anything said can come back and bite you on the bum.” She does not even share personal aspects about herself to casual friends. This solicitor has witnessed many horror stories with post-divorced people blabbing too much to others. I followed the WWII saying, “Loose lips sink ships” as my motto.
Hazel got slapped with a slander suit months after her divorce. She had been tight lipped post-divorce and did not see this coming.
Slander is making false statements about someone else to a third party. Even though the onus is on the person initiating this lawsuit to prove the allegations are false, it still involves time, legal expenses, and stress to the person accused.
Slander can lead to defamation which endangers some else’s reputation, job with potential financial loss, and standing in the community. If the person filing a defamation lawsuit proves false statements damaged his livelihood then hefty fines and possible jail time can be given to the former spouse.
Do not even whisper any rumors, just keep your mouth shut.
Hazel called her collaborative solicitor who could not defend her on this post-divorce charge although helped Hazel get a new one. The new one worked with both parties and drew up a legal gag order for BOTH of them. Hazel guessed the leaks were the two sons who talked to teachers and friends’ parents. Also well-meaning friends defended Hazel to her ex’s co-workers, so a lot of gossip was passed along too. Hazel plugged these leaks by threating her boys and friends to keep quiet. She did most of her confiding after that to a psychologist friend and her life went more smoothly.
Libel is stating false allegations through writing. It also includes oral remarks made through the media, such as radio interviews.
Celebrities occasionally sue newspapers for reporting what they say are untrue stories, such as having an affair. Then it is up to that media source to prove that it is a fact. Sometimes there is a private settlement and the celebrity drops the charge.
Your solicitor or mediator will strongly warn not to post anything damaging about your former spouse on social media. Just do not mention your ex on any site to avoid possible libel.
Do not let anyone take compromising photos of you or post comments that could be misconstrued or misinterpreted on social media. Photos and comments regarding excessive partying on social media can and have been used as evidence post-divorce to go to court to amend custody arrangements. You want to be viewed as the reliable parent you are, and not someone whose priority is mainly elsewhere (nightclubs).
There are abusive ex-partners who do not want to let go no matter what.
One way to get out of their web is to relocate if this is feasible. This works well if you moved when getting married, do not have family ties in that city and can work in another locale. Keep your solicitor in the loop if lawsuits seem imminent.
Choose to respond, rather than reacting to whatever they may throw at you. One cannot change other people, only one’s own actions and responses. Rejoice when this type of ex-spouse remarries, because their focus may lessen on you. A supportive network and having fun is crucial in maintaining sanity post-divorce.
Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).
Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.
She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.