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A sociopath can be quite the charmer in pursuing what they want.

Also known as antisocial personality disorder, these individuals may date someone who is wealthy, has great job connections or is a means to obtaining something desirable.

They do not relate to someone on a human level and are sometimes described as robotic. Look into their eyes and see only emptiness, almost as if they were a machine.

People are like pieces on a chessboard that are moved around to achieve a more advantageous position or are eliminated.

An example of this is on the job. He or she sees co-workers as rivals and may whisper rumours to discredit them. They may sabotage and lie when going after their boss’s position.

A spouse experiences coldness or may become a target of their wrath. These are dangerous marital partners.

Sociopaths enjoy the sense of power and control over others. They particularly are cruel to underlings or vulnerable people. Some torture animals and feel no remorse.

They are incapable of empathy or understanding someone’s tragic situation. They do not care about you or anyone else, although are good actors in pretending that they do. They may go for showy public displays, such as hiring singers to serenade you at your work place.

They want others to think that they are fantastic. You start doubting yourself when what you experience at home is not in sync with what is demonstrated when others are around.

Sociopaths are adept at hiding behind masks and having a public persona. They may present as the city’s best citizen and be a member of many civic organizations.

These connections are cultivated as something useful in the future, like having money in the bank. Sociopaths may use these people to boost them up into a higher social circle or catapult their career.

Sociopaths lack a conscience and moral code.

They do not take responsibility for their actions. If you feel hurt or trampled on, then that is your problem, not their concern. They may commit verbal abuse, since nothing is their fault.

When there are financial woes, and other issues, sociopaths quickly tell you these happened because of your failings. You may start believing that you are worthless or incapable of handling the simplest of things. They want you to feel weak or stupid so that you are easy to manipulate.

Sociopaths are not going to be monogamous.

Sociopaths see themselves as victims when not everything is going their way. They place the blame on others and this includes you too. They blame co-workers or the boss for them not succeeding career wise or may state that you are dragging them down socially.

Since they perceive themselves as perfect, there is no need for therapy. You cannot fix something that is not broken, in their eyes.

They will not be amenable to marital counselling. If you do manage to get them to attend, they may try to team up with the counsellor to point out those problems are your fault. A sociopathic spouse may turn on those crocodile tears and appear very sincere.

A sociopath can go behind their spouse’s back to family and friends and say how concerned they are regarding mental or emotional issues. This is a tactic to get people not to believe the innocent spouse or to keep others from helping them in a break up.

Two classic films on this theme with a sociopath is 1944’s “Gaslight” with Ingrid Berman and 1960’s “Midnight Lace” with Doris Day in London.

A spouse who is a sociopath is not going to change.

It is a decision that you have to make about whether to stay or go. Sociopaths can have loads of charisma with excitement (or danger) in their lives. Taking your time getting to know someone and seeing how they treat others can lessen the chance of getting entangled with a sociopath.

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ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

When on the fence about divorce, consider marital counselling, even if your spouse refuses to participate.

This will help you recognize if the marriage is salvable or if you have been missing these clues that have led others to file for divorce or know when to get a divorce:

• You are repulsed by your spouse and do not want to be alone with them. Being in different postal codes would be even better. Sex is a distant memory. Doing things together is just not your cup of tea. You do not even like them and feel trapped being in the relationship. This is not the same as couples losing the spark that initially attracted them to each other. That often can be relit by a holiday in an exotic local or discovering a new passion that draws them back together.

• Are your beliefs and ethics opposite? When a spouse continues to have affairs and states that you are overreacting, then consider making a permanent exit. It is being callous with complete disregard for your feelings to say you are the one with the problem, since you cannot accept it. This repeated bad behaviour with no remorse, is showing a lack of respect for you.

• Your partner has an addiction and no amount of rehab has stopped it. There are repeated promises and tears, yet the problem remains. It could be gambling away your joint finances or being impaired. You have been patient but enough is enough. It is not healthy for you to watch someone you love self-destruct with this slow suicide. Stop playing a part in their destructive drama and walk away to protect your well-being.

• One or both of you are completely indifferent. You may lead separate lives but still share the same address. Having a spouse turn into a roommate keeps you trapped in a rut. Consider breaking free to have a fulfilling life and the opportunity to meet someone else. Getting a divorce takes money and energy and this may not be the path you choose at this moment in time.

• Is there some type of abuse, even if not physical? Emotional and financial abuse erodes a spouse’s self-worth. Being treated in a condescending way as if you were a servant is demeaning. Some spouses belittle their partners by “joking.” They then ask why the other person cannot take a little teasing. These are the couples I witnessed getting divorces fairly quickly. Belittling a person in front of friends and family is especially out of line. A toxic relationship can result when a partner has a personality disorder and is unable to have empathy or kindness. These people can have loads of charisma, but decide if that is enough to stay married to them or not.

• You both may have metamorphosed into quite different people during the marriage. Individually you two may be happy and fulfilled, but out of sync as a couple. People can drift so far apart over the years that they cannot sustain a marriage and this brings stress.

When something is off and you cannot put your finger on it, consider a trial separation.

Taking a breather from each other for a few months can put the relationship into perspective. Having distance can give some clarity into what is going on in the marriage.

If you feel so much better being alone, this is a major clue that divorce may be the solution. Divorce does not have to terminate your relationship, but rather changes it. Some former couples who are now divorced are closer now than they were when married.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.