Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce
Moving on after divorce can be done in small increments or in one giant leap.
Sometimes one may need to get away in order to evaluate their options and just to think about things in general.
One man had an ingenious way to get over a traumatic divorce and get past overwhelming feelings. His mind kept dwelling on his unhappy circumstance and severed marital relationship.
What came as a surprise was the dramatic metamorphosis and finding his purpose in life. Alan’s career was in Martial Arts and his back, neck and joints cried out for him to retire.
What is his secret? Alan left his job post-divorce and booked a Round-the-World (RTW) airline ticket which was for several months of travel.
By immersing himself into the various cultures, Alan’s focus was off his own woes. He discovered that humans around the planet are more alike than different. People have more in common than not and he developed a respect for others’ customs, beliefs and spirituality.
This compassion spilled over to himself, enabling him to accept that his old life was finished. Forgiveness for himself and ex-wife set him free and he was transformed. Alan was on the last leg of his journey in Cape Town before flying back home, when he discovered that he could book another RTW ticket for half of what he had paid in London. He used this opportunity to fly back to Asia.
Going on a retreat can be the key to gaining self-awareness. Alan attended a ten day retreat in India in which meditation was taught.
The participants were silent for the first nine days and spoke on the last one. He had judged others and formed preconceived notions about who they were and what they did. On day ten when all were allowed to speak, Alan was blown away about how wrong he was.
During this retreat, Alan learned more about himself than he had his whole life and spirituality gave meaning to his existence. He now helps others globally to find their right path after situations like divorce.
Gaining self-knowledge and wisdom can come at a much cheaper cost than a Round-the-World ticket. A weekend retreat and being around positive people can be a catalyst for change, as Alan’s longer ones did. Shop around for the experience or assistance that you require in your price range.
A woman in the Philippines said “divorce was impossible” so eventually was granted a “civil and Catholic annulment.” She too desired to get away to find herself and to heal. She searched for the best price for a European river cruise and found out that booking the same one in another country and in their currency can lower the fee.
She got this cruise for half, through the Canadian branch of that global company by paying in their currency. She is enjoying cruising Eastern Europe on the Danube right now. Be diligent when chasing your dream by checking on various options. If one road is blocked then take a detour, however keep trying.
Moving on in the early stages after divorce requires finding your passion. Alan had to discover what gives him the reason for getting out of bed and giving purpose to his life.
Many people found that having something greater than themselves (spirituality in Alan’s case) gives them guidance and reassurance. Connecting to others, whether through volunteering or a social network, is the foundation to building a more meaningful life.
Accept that your emotions will be all over the place right after divorce. Consider getting away, if even for a weekend in order start your journey on transforming oneself after divorce.
Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certi ed in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).
Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 100 published articles.
Her other book is The Woman’s Holistic Guide to Divorce. Web site is globalguidetodivorce.com.
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