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thinking about divorce

Top Financial Concerns when Thinking about Divorce

Published on
Eileen Macqueen - Devonshires Solicitors,
Eileen Macqueen heads the family law team at Devonshires Solicitors,

Yours or mine?

With the news that Cheryl Fernandez-Versini has filed for divorce comes the speculation about how the split could dent her multi-million pound fortune.

As there is allegedly no pre-nuptial agreement in place, the path to separation may be a rocky one for the singer as she could be forced to part with a significant chunk of her wealth.

But it’s not just the rich and famous who are likely to worry about their finances when going through a divorce.

A recent survey commissioned by Devonshires Solicitors polled 1,000 divorced and married people and revealed that 74% of Brits had, or would have, financial concerns when thinking about divorce. This is a trend that can be seen across the board, whether people earn £15,000 or £55,000.

Dividing assets topped the list of financial worries, with almost half of respondents saying that this was the biggest concern, regardless of their income. The majority of clients that I have worked with share the same view, particularly with regard to the former family home.

When determining the financial arrangements of a divorcing couple, the starting point for a Court will be a 50/50 division of the matrimonial assets, although a Court will also consider a number of additional factors, including their ages, earning capacities and contributions to the family.

If, however, any of the couple’s assets were acquired by one party before the marriage or as a result of an inheritance, these will be treated differently by the Court.

In terms of the former family home, the Court’s priority in any separation will be to provide both people (and any children) with a roof over their head.

But difficulties often arise if there are insufficient assets to preserve the lifestyle both parties had become accustomed to. In all cases, the Court will prioritise the welfare of any children. If the children live with one parent for the vast majority of the time, that parent’s housing needs may be deemed greater than the other parent’s.

thinking about divorceHowever, there are numerous ways to protect the other parent’s interest if it is tied-up in a home for the children, for example, a charge against the home which is repayable upon the youngest child turning 18 years old.

Furthermore, many individuals are emotionally attached to the former family home, which can lead to further disputes in relation to selling it.

I often encounter clients who are keen to off-set claims they have against other assets, such as pensions or ongoing maintenance in order to retain the family home. However, before taking these steps, it is essential to get both legal and financial advice to ensure that your long-term financial position is secure.

Pensions or ongoing spousal maintenance provide an element of security in this respect, but some individuals still choose to retain the family home and downsize at a later stage to release capital. Each case will vary and such a decision is likely to be a finely-tuned balancing act.

Our survey also revealed that child maintenance was a source of worry when divorcing, with one in four stating that this was their main concern.

However – in my experience – disputes surrounding child maintenance are on the decline. This is mainly because the Child Maintenance Service, which replaced the Child Support Agency in 2013, has introduced a new calculation which is clearer and simpler to use.

That said, all parents should familiarise themselves with the finer details of the child maintenance calculation, including the number of nights the children spend with each parent and any other children that live with the paying parent. Parents who earn a gross weekly income in excess of £3,000 (after pension contributions) should always seek specialist advice from a solicitor.

Divorce is rarely easy and financial concerns are natural for any couple going through the process, so it is important to seek legal advice at an early stage to ensure that both parties are fully informed of the options available to them.

Eileen Macqueen heads the family law team at Devonshires Solicitors, one of the UK’s leading full service law firms.

Based at the firm’s office in Finsbury Circus, London, Eileen has qualified as a solicitor-advocate (with Higher Rights of Audience) and can therefore undertake advocacy on behalf of her clients.

She is also a member of Resolution, an organisation of 6,500 family lawyers and other professionals in England and Wales who believe in a constructive, non-confrontational approach to family law matters.

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do i qualify for legal aid

As a Stay-at-Home Mum, Do I Qualify for Legal Aid to pay for Family Mediation?

Published on
Legal Aid UK
Glynne Davies
Family Mediator

In this short interview, which was a carry on from the earlier one on Legal Aid UK, I asked Glynne Davies if stay-at-home mums with no income and whose husbands are high earners, were eligible for legal aid for family mediation?

This was part of her response but you can listen to the entire interview (less than 5 mins) below:

Likelihood is that they wouldn’t qualify for legal aid because they would fall foul of the capital threshold test.

Although there are generous allowances for mortgages and for what’s called the  allowance, it’s unlikely that if you’ve got a property worth £1m or more that you’re going to qualify because the allowances are capped at £100k.

So if you’ve got a property worth a million and a mortgage worth £500k, the most they will allow on that mortgage is £100k.

If the property is in the sole name of the husband, that’s a different matter. But if it’s held in joint names then the party at that point will fall foul of the capital threshold.

If for any reason they pass the capital threshold, for instance if the property is in the sole name of the husband, then you could go on to look at their situation regarding the income. If for instance if she has access to the joint account would preclude her under the income threshold.

Glynne Davies has been a fully accredited Family Mediator since 2004. She became a Professional Practice Consultant in 2009, and a member of the Local Family Justice board since 2010.

 

Feature photo – photo credit: Filius via photopin (license)

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Your First Meeting with your Divorce Lawyer

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Getting records together for your new divorce solicitor or mediator is a first step in the divorce process.

Sometimes one’s financial state seems to be a jumble of loans and assets and the solicitor will have to get a general idea of the situation.

A financial advisor may be called in to sort out the records and give the solicitors an idea of the assets involved in the case.

Do your part by getting copies of bank statements, loan papers, taxes and whatever else you can lay your hands on to get the ball rolling with your divorce.

Your solicitor or mediator may give you a list of what is needed for your initial encounter. The following information will get you started on what data to bring with you.

The best advice is to bring everything to your first meeting with your divorce lawyer including:

  • Financial records include taxes paid, both personal and business.
  • All loans, including student ones are needed. Did either set of parents loan money for example, as a house down payment or for a credit card bill?
  • The amount of your rent or mortgage (plus balance owed on the mortgage).
  • Do either of you pay anything for children from previous relationships?
  • List all bank accounts/investments/pension plans with their account numbers and balances. Do either of you have any automatic deductions withdrawn from pay checks? Jot down any stocks, bonds, or mutual funds. Do either of your work places contribute to investments or retirement plans?
  • Could there be an off shore account or does some money appear to be missing?

divorce advice ukNext, think about some other assets that you have either jointly or individually. List assets with approximate net worth:

  • Vehicles with model and year
  • Value of property including marital home. Mention any bolt holes and holiday homes, including timeshares
  • Art and any big ticket items

Jewellery and gifts may be exempt from this list, but check with your solicitor.

The next part is for giving background information to the various divorce professionals and may be helpful in considering shared care, and in determining maintenance.  Our custody evaluator also wanted a copy of this report and I may have gotten physical custody partially as a result.  A Cafcass officer may ask for it too.

  • Write up the history of your marriage with the highlights. Was there any type of abuse? Do the spouses or children have any chronic illnesses, drug or alcohol usage, or a police record?
  • Did either spouse have affairs? Was there any neglect?
  • Is a child a special needs one, who requires much specialized care?
  • Is anyone in ongoing therapy?
  • What is both of your recent work histories? Did one spouse leave a lucrative career to stay home to raise the kids? That spouse may need training/education to get back in the workforce.

Think about what expenses you and the children have which may affect maintenance and child support payments. This list also indicates your standard of living or life style, so be sure to include travelling and personal upkeep costs.

  • List children’s expenses such as tuition, tutoring, activities, sports, camps, class trips, clothing and general expenditures.
  • What do you spend on weekly groceries, eating out, entertainment and various activities?
  • List all memberships, club or organization fees, charity donations, subscriptions and any incidentals.
  • List payments for utilities, internet, phone, TV and routine bills.
  • Do you have any job expenses such as transportation, uniforms or anything else?

The point is to mention all expenses and to have your solicitor understand your complete financial picture.  The marital history can affect the distribution of assets or visitation schedule, particularly if abuse was present.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

 

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Leave Guilt Behind in Divorce
Leave Guilt Behind in Divorce

Feeling Stuck in Divorce

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

We can go cruising through divorce and all of a sudden hit a speed bump and become stuck.

This can come as a surprise when everything seemed to be going quite well.

We do not move at an even pace on the continuum of the divorce process, so may be lingering in one part of it a bit longer. One may not realize that they are stuck and not moving on until receiving feedback from others.

A clue is when people start to avoid you, change the subject quickly or get a glazed look in their eyes.

Children are more blunt when a parent is stuck, stating “Dad, can’t you talk about something else?” or “Mummy why do you keep harping on your maintenance?”

If particularly having only one topic of conversation (a former spouse for example), then that can be a symptom of being stuck.

When stuck, get some sound advice from people who are experts in the area of your specific problem. If stuck in the division of assets – get your own financial advisor to guide you in what is best for your needs.

If you both are at loggerheads over the amount of shared care time split between you, consider bringing a custody evaluator on board. Our custody evaluator did a battery of personality tests for all four of us and interviewed us separately. My spouse and I signed a binding agreement that we would abide by her decision regarding custody. This also took the pressure off our collaborative solicitors in this contentious divorce.

moving on after divorce
Feeling Stuck in Divorce

Our marital house had to be renovated before it could be sold during our divorce. The problem was that my sons and I were still living there, because the financial institution that I had used for two decades, turned me down for a mortgage and I could not move house.

Realizing that I was stuck in a bad situation which was delaying our divorce, I sought out advice from the real estate agent.

He then sent me to a friend who dealt with finding a mortgage company for home buyers. The glitch was that mortgage companies did not want to take a perceived risk when they did not know what my alimony would be post-divorce.

Our divorce financial advisor worked with him and finally a mortgage company agreed to a loan. I sought assistance from the right person (realtor). While the life coach was invaluable for coming up with strategies to reduce my stress, she was not the person to loan me money or get me a house. Pick who is best to help you for each situation. Some people visualize the solution and work backwards to achieve it.

Some folks get stuck in grief for ending their partnership and former way of life.  Being single was not on their agenda and the loneliness is overwhelming to them.

They may become clinically depressed and that hinders them from reaching out to others. Therapy or grief counselling can be a way to crawl out of this black hole and start to enjoy life again.

Others are stuck in old patterns which may have included entertaining as a duo and socializing with other couples.

A divorce coach can help break these patterns and form new ones, such as how to expand one’s social network.

Being stuck is a temporary state, not a permanent address.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Pensions and Divorce

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Soila from The Divorce Magazine had the opportunity to interview Karen Agnew-Griffith of Woolley & Co. Solicitors about Divorce, Pensions and Financial Settlement or the Financial Order.

How important has the pension become in today’s divorce cases in view of the Wyatt vs Vince divorce court case?

Karen gave us a quick summary of the proceedings in the Wyatt vs Vince case.  She explained that they were married but it wasn’t a long marriage and they had one child.  They divorced in the early 90s and at the time of divorce they had no assests at all.

They separated, he went and she stayed at home living in quite poor circumstances, raising the child without any financial support from him.

20 + years later, he has made a fortune in wind farms and is now a mulitmillionaire.  She on the other hand, is still living in very poor circumstances and as she has raised the child of the marriage without financial support and is saying she now needs help.

At the time of their divorce those many years ago there was no financial settlement of any description.

The courts have now agreed in fact that she is owed but nothing like the amount that she’s expecting.

So what does it means now for couples getting divorced today or those who got divorced a few years ago and had no financial settlement?

Karen explains that the situation hasn’t changed drastically in as much as family lawyers, divorce courts and judges have always said to clients that they should try to resolve financial order settlements and claims at the time of their divorce process.

Karen has had situations where financial order claims have been made so many years after a divorce involving multiples of millions. So there’s always been that situation there.

What’s remarkable about this case is that it wasn’t a long marriage at the time of the divorce there were no assests and this is many, many years later. But Karen thinks this case is going to be treated in the same way as any other.

The facts of the case are always unique and the uniqueness of this particular situation is his remarkable wealth, her remarkable poverty and the fact that she did make a contribution something the has been taken into account.  She made a contribution in raising that child without financial support from the father.

What does “make a contribution” actually entail?  What does it mean?

Pensions and Divorce
Pensions or Property?

It can be anything, Karen explains that she had a case whereby a mother lived in a property that was in joint names.  Husband left that property, never paid for its upkeep, never paid anything towards the mortgage and 20 years later has come back saying, “Well I know you paid the mortgage off now I’d like to sell.”

The husband’s view then was, it’s the wife’s payment of the mortgage during that 20 years, it was the wife’s contribution in maintaining the property that has meant the property is now availalbe to be sold.

So in that particular case what the judge did was that he asked us to secure a valuation to what the property would have been worth at the date of separation and gave the wife all of the growth on the property up to that point and half of the value of the property at the point of separation.

So contribution can be something like looking after a property or where a parent who is looking after the children post-separation while the other parent who is not looking after the children day-to-day is able to work perhaps full-time and pursue a career.

In the meantime, the other parent with the care of the children, looking after the child in school holidays, looking after the children when they’re sick, perhaps cannot pursue a career and is left with a more lowly paid less of a career opportunity type situation.

So, the parent who is looking after the children is making a contrtibution in that way and quite often in a divorce you will quantify what total assets are and you will give the parent with the children whether it’s husband or wife you will give them an extra few percentage of the total assets.

When it comes to divorce and pensions, divorce hasn’t changed and pensions haven’t changed either. They’ve always been very valuable before the 2000s and since it’s just that peope are now aware.

People are living longer, they are suddenly aware that they are going to have a poor retirement if they havent’ got a decent pension fund. The value of the state pension has fallen. We’ve had a lot of years of opting out so that there’s less additoinal state pension and people generally have been untrusting of pensions and have invested less in pension pots you know in the last 15 years.

We have the situation whereby government workers, civil servants, nurses, doctors, teachers, members of the armed forces, police officers, firefighters, they’ve all had defined benefits final salary schemes and those are worth vast sums often vastly more than the value of any home that the parties own. So and wives are beginning to understand that they are certainly going to live as long as their husbands possibly longer and they need that retirement. They need those funds.

So when it comes to divorce and pensions and property, I asked Karen, pension or property?

She explained that one the court would say, the property, the money in the property is what we call a liquid asset you could sell it go out and buy lots of sweets.

With the pension, up until the recent changes, it was very difficult to cash it in and it was regarded as an illiquid asset.

The recent changes means that there is more liquidity in a pension. Realistically you’re only going to take £30,000 because after that the tax you would pay is punitive. So there’s a little bit more liquidity in a pension, but no frankly you need both. Buy a smaller house and have a pension.

What role does the financial order have to play in a divorce process and divorce settlement?

What is more important, having the matrimonial home or a share in the pension (pension sharing in divorce).

When coping with divorce and looking at divorce settlements, what do both partners need to be aware off with regards to pensions especially if you’re a teacher, firefighter, police officer etc. How would the pension sharing be an important factor in your divorce?

How important is it to reach a financial order?

As you go through your divorce process, don’t forget about completing all your divorce papers including those that deal with your financial settlement or financial order.

Ask divorce lawyers about the financial order and how to go about it all.

How will your divorce affect your pension? Is pension sharing a must do?

If you would like to contact Karen – 01842779905 –  www.family-lawfirm.co.uk

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go get a job

Divorce Judge Tells Millionaire’s Wife – Go Get a Job!

Published on
Claire O Finn
Claire is a consultant in Keystone Law’s Family team

The ex-wife of a millionaire racehorse surgeon has been told by Lord Justice Pitchford to get a job as she has no right to be financially supported for life by her former husband – all whilst living mortgage free in a £450,000 home.

Mother of two Mrs W, was told by the judge that divorcees with children aged over seven should at least try to work for a living.

Substantial payments being made by Mr W – who claims he is worried that he won’t be able to afford them when he retires at 65 – will now gradually reduce over five years before stopping completely.

In addition the Judge added that the payments were never intended to provide Mrs W with a lifelong income in the first place.

Keystone’s Family and Matrimonial lawyer Claire O’ Flinn commented,

“This ruling is ground-breaking for divorcing husbands and wives alike and reflects a serious change in outlook on mothers being expected to return to work after divorce.

For many years the courts have been ordering husbands to pay spousal maintenance to their former wives for long after the husbands have retired and whilst the wives show no willingness to work or provide for themselves financially, often when they have an earning capacity.

Lord Justice Pitchford has said that ‘it is possible to find work that fits in with childcare responsibilities’ and criticised the wife for not updating her skills and for not seeking work because she expected to be supported by her former husband.

Husbands will rejoice in the judgment and wives may feel vulnerable but as each case is unique in its facts, divorcing clients should always seek specialist family law advice before agreeing to any settlement with their spouses.”

For more information get in touch with Claire O’ Flinn or your usual Keystone contact.

Claire is a consultant in Keystone Law’s Family team.

She is a highly experienced family solicitor who has specific expertise in resolving complex financial consequences of relationship breakdown whether based in this country or internationally.

Claire has particular experience in advising on private children issues; she advises on contact and residence disputes issues including the making and defending applications to remove children from the jurisdiction.

Above all, Claire is committed to helping couples part with dignity and to minimise the impact on the family. Claire provides clients with practical advice and workable solutions.  She is a trained collaborative lawyer and also a contributor to published family law journals.

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Go and get a job

Go and get a job? The case for and against a Divorced Wife – Part 1

Published on
Katie McCann Head of Family Law and in-house counsel at Kuits Solicitors
Katie McCann
Head of Family Law and in-house counsel at Kuits Solicitors

This particular divorce case has hit headlines hard recently after a judge told a divorced wife and mum that she simply needed to ‘go and get a job’.

The couple divorced in 2008 after 11 years of marriage, having had two children together and she was initially awarded half the proceeds from the sale of the former matrimonial house, which allowed her to buy a new £450,000 home, mortgage-free, as well as receiving an annual maintenance of £75,000 (£32,000 of which was to be used for her personal upkeep).

Mr W, let’s call him, protested against this joint lives maintenance order, claiming that he would be unable to fund his ex-wife’s lavish lifestyle after his retirement, which he anticipates will occur in five years’ time.

In a judgement that has got everyone talking, Lord Justice Pitchford agreed with Mr W  and told Mrs W to get a job.  This ruling has seemingly divided the nation, with some feeling sorry for Mrs W and others stating that it’s about time the law stopped treating women as victims.

Below we set out arguments for and against this landmark decision and consider whether an equitable ruling has been made.

‘Team Mr W’

The definition of ‘adapt’ is ‘to become adjusted to new conditions’.

This is something that Mrs W should have done back in 2008 when her marriage to Mr W came to an end. Despite the fact they had initially agreed that Mrs W would be the home-maker and Mr W would be the money-maker, these terms were only in relation to the couple’s marriage. It should be obvious that once the terms of their relationship changed then the terms of the above arrangement would have to change too.

riding instructor
Both of Mrs W’s former careers could be done on a part-time basis.

Mrs Wand so many women in her position try to claim vulnerability by arguing that they have stunted their career progression by staying at home, and by claiming that they would lose out further if they then had to clamber back onto the career ladder after divorce.

However, this point of view does not take into account that both parties suffer from the terms of such an arrangement having to change.

After all, the breadwinner who was previously taken care of by the home-maker has to adapt to juggle the house-work and their job, and for this reason the home-maker should also have to adapt to include work as part of their day-to-day life.

Before giving up work, Mrs W was a legal secretary and a riding instructor. Whilst it understandably may take her some time to get back into the swing of either professions, there is no doubt that she would be able to do so relatively quickly.

It is also worth noting that the Hs’ oldest child is in boarding school, whilst their youngest is in full-time education. Both of Mrs W’s former careers could be done on a part-time basis and there is therefore nothing preventing her from working during school hours.

Should Mrs W prefer to embark on an entirely different career path, then she has the fortunate position of there being enough money available for her to retrain. This would enable her to have the career she wants, as well as allowing her to become financially independent.

Mrs W should certainly have the option of not working; however, she must appreciate that within this new chapter of her life, not working will result in her having a much lower standard of living. Once again, she needs to adapt to the situation at-hand and make career choices based on the fact that she is no longer married to a millionaire.

Whilst financial ties will remain between the Hs’ in relation to their children, Mrs W should have attempted to make herself as independent as possible.

With this in mind, it seems that Lord Justice Pitchford was correct in stating that Mrs W had made no effort to seek work or update her skills and has been working on the basis that she would be supported for life. By stating that it is imperative that she starts work now, Lord Justice Pitchford is simply trying to guide Mrs W into a position that will empower her in the long-term and will allow her to live an independent, self-sufficient lifestyle.

Lord Justice Pitchford’s judgement is not about neglecting women’s needs at all, but rather empowering them to see that there can be life after divorce.

Click here to Read part two for “Team Mrs W” and Which W is right? 

Katie McCann is head of family law and in-house counsel at Kuits Solicitors in Manchester City Centre. She has a special interest in resolving high value relationship breakdown disputes.

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divorce papers when dealing with divorce

I want a Divorce!

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Hearing your spouse utter the words, “I want a divorce,” is unbelievable. What to do when you are informed that your spouse is leaving you. If you think you did not correctly hear what was said, ask for it to be repeated.

Banish the impulse to throw the nearest piece of furniture at his head. An assault charge will not help your situation.

My spouse’s female acquaintance suggested that I take all of his clothes and have a big bonfire in the backyard. Friends had more drastic ideas.

Resist doing something in a rage, because that may impact your divorce proceedings.

Try to act calmly and feel free to ask the questions that pop into your head. “When did you decide upon this? Could we discuss this with a marriage counsellor first? Why did you not mention that you were unhappy? Are you seeing someone else and how long has it been?”

If your spouse asks you to move out of the marital home, refuse (except in an abuse situation).

Check first with your solicitor about this, especially when children are involved.

I stayed in our house through most of the divorce and my husband was required to pay the mortgage and I only paid the utilities. Your rent or monthly mortgage may be paid as part of the interim support. The person with a job or high income pays interim support in most cases.

If your spouse walks right out the door, go to the bank and withdraw some cash (no more than half) out of your joint account and save the receipt. You will require money for living expenses before meeting with a solicitor or mediator. Hopefully you have a credit card in your own name, because your spouse may promptly drop you as a co-signer on his card.

Ask around for an experienced family law solicitor/mediator and check online for more information regarding the person you select. This professional can get joint assets frozen if your spouse is apt to plunder funds.

You are in shock. Some people described this period as having an out of body experience. It was as if they were in a calm place not feeling any emotions, while their bodies were on autopilot doing necessary tasks. You may want to temporarily stay at your parents’ or friend’s place. Or after you spouse departs have someone stay with you, particularly when there are children and pets at home.

I stumbled around Disneyland mumbling to strangers that my husband left me. Luckily these kind people were supportive to me in my zombie-like state. My sons and I later met with my friend’s family and I was showered with spa products. That gave me the nudge to nurture and pamper myself in this turbulent time. Allow people to do the same for you and accept their generosity. Gather your support system around you.

Be sure to click on the Resources link on The Divorce Magazine’s web site for organizations who can provide immediate help and guidance. I asked divorced friends right away about how to survive the divorce process. I put their great advice and tips in a book.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Vital Living Together Advice

Vital Living Together Advice

Published on

Suzy Miller of Alternative Divorce Guide

“Well it’s the same as being married” was a phrase I heard over and over again but which eventually proved to be a lie.  

For ten years, my husband and I lived with our three children as an unmarried couple and when the relationship abruptly ended I quickly learned all that was wrong with that simple phrase.

You can believe, think and tell yourself that while you are together, but don’t be foolish enough to think it’s the same when you are splitting up.

Will you get some of his pension? – Nope. You are not eligible for any of it.

My career was put aside to look after the kids so now he has a pension. I have none. The pension that was going to support both of us became just his. But, had we been married, I would have had claim to half of it, as it stands today, I get nothing. And it’s hard to create a secure pension from scratch at 40 with no job and three small children to look after.

Surely half the house goes to me. Not if your name is not on the deeds.  

You may be able to go on living in the “matrimonial” home if you have dependent children but probably only until they reach the age of 16 years at which point you yourself becomes homeless, with no property, unless you’ve been able to save up for one whilst bringing up the kids.

Vital Living Together Advice
Surely half the house goes to me.

In my case, I couldn’t continue living in the home with the children as it had to be sold to cover the debts I didn’t know he had amassed.

My name was not on the deeds despite the fact that I had financially contributed to the running of the household whilst he paid the mortgage.

There was one positive thing about not being legally married  I wasn’t liable for his debts – one benefit at least.

Don’t count on spousal maintenance either because you are not a spouse.

Thank god for Working Family Tax Credit to top up your income and help cover childcare costs when you get a part-time job It is true that a percentage of his gross salary (minus his pension payments) will be provided but only as a contribution for the children’s needs – child support.   You yourself get nothing.  No spousal maintenance. That new pair of shoes that you need,  you need to go out and earn it.

‘Common Law Marriage’ is a myth.

51% of the British population still think that common law marriage exists in law, according to a British Social Attitudes survey!  Those surveyed believe that cohabiting couples are protected by ‘common law marriage’.  But that is not the case I’m afraid.

“There is no such thing as a Common Law wife and cohabiting couples can be extremely vulnerable on separation because many people cohabit without realising the legal implications.” Kim Beatson, Anthony Gold Solicitors

So what can you do if you’re not married and financially dependent on your partner, with children to care for?

Well, there are now plenty of married of couples who thought it was too unromantic to get a prenup, are later on seeing the light and getting themselves a postnup.

If you’re living together and not planning on getting married anytime soon, you can create a Cohabitation Agreement at any point. It may not have the full strength under the pressure of litigation as a marriage license, but should the need arise and it’s put to the test, it will be taken seriously by any reasonable judge.

But the whole point is that you shouldn’t have to end up fighting about who gets what if the relationship ends, or how much is needed to bring up your family, because you have already sat down and worked it all out in advance.

Suzy Miller

Alternative Divorce Guide

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Divorcing a Sociopath Husband

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Amy was married to a verbally abusive man, who hit her once in a blue moon.

He was cruel to their son and treated the daughter like a goddess. Jonathon told the girl that her mother lied and not to trust her.

He essentially built a wall around the daughter and orchestrated fights between the two children.

When the girl became a teenager, her mother said it was time to start doing chores. The dad forbade this, stating that she did not have to do her mother’s work.

It was as if Jonathon was the master puppeteer and his family were marionettes ready to do his bidding at the pull of a string.

Finally Amy reached her limit regarding Jonathon’s manipulations and said enough is enough. The children were thirteen and sixteen when she filed for divorce and Jonathon moved out of the marital home.

Jonathan’s parents revealed to Amy during the divorce that their son was a sociopath and had received treatment as a child.

Her in-laws were aloof during her marriage and she never felt accepted by them, possibly because they were different religions. Amy wondered if Jonathon married her to get back at his parents, for some reason. Her in-laws mainly approached her when they had questions regarding what their son said regarding money.

Amy had to be the one to initiate contact between her in-laws and her children during and post-divorce. She would take the siblings to see their grandparents who were cold and did not hug or show affection to them once their son was out of the picture. After several months of this, Amy stopped calling.

It was difficult for the kids to grasp the situation.

child-345523_640
His daughter bumped into him one time when she was with her toddler.

During divorce proceedings, Jonathon flitted from job to job to avoid paying child support. Amy certainly could have been more assertive by demanding that Jonathon have a set amount determined and letting Child Maintenance Service (CMS) deal with collecting it.

She was passive and did nothing when he said that he was giving her the house and that cancelled any child support obligations. The house was heavily mortgaged, so was more of a liability than an asset.

The father did not agree to any visitation schedule and promised the daughter an airline ticket so they could spend Christmas together. When that never materialized after repeated promises, then the daughter began the slow process of getting to know her mother.

The son never saw his father again, and the daughter did one time when she and her toddler ran into him at a park, over a decade later. The daughter became close to her mother after becoming a parent herself. The son drifted through life until age thirty-five when he went back to college and completed his degree.

Amy is now happily remarried and learned some life lessons along the way.

When in a marriage with a sociopath, Amy was in survival mode and could not stand up to him in order to have a better relationship with her daughter. Getting a divorce much earlier would have benefitted all.

She said that she did not realize how much her son had been struggling, since her focus was on her daughter. She recommends family therapy when coming out of an abusive marriage. Her son could have expressed his anger and gotten his life back on track sooner.

If a situation is not changing in spite of good intentions, put less energy into it.

She wanted her kids to have a link to their father, so she kept pushing the grandparents and kids together long after it was clear the grandparents had no interest.

Amy said to learn to accept that there is only so much one can do and that you cannot change others. You cannot force family members to love your children or desire a connection with them.

You cannot prevent kids from having hurt feelings, but modelling your resilience may help. Give unconditional love and be there for them. Again, Amy emphasized giving kids the opportunity to express feelings to a neutral third party can give them strategies to move on.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Pre-Divorce Checklist

Pre-Divorce Checklist – The Finances

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Financial steps to take when contemplating divorce.

Your marriage may be turbulent – but you may not be sure if you want to jump ship. Whatever the outcome may be – reconciliation, separation or divorce – there are steps to take in the interim.

Here’s your Pre-Divorce Financial Checklist

–  Get a hold of financial records including tax returns, bank and credit card statements.

Find retirement and investment accounts, plus a life insurance policy. Make copies and put them in a secure place and on a flash drive for easy access. Gather information on loans, mortgage or rent, and other monthly expenses to get a full financial picture.

Scrutinize joint credit card statements to see if your spouse has been buying presents or spending marital money on a lover. Some spouses have been successful in getting these expenditures reimbursed during divorce proceedings.

If there seems to be chunks missing, then possibly your spouse has been liquidating assets or “giving” them to family and friends. After the divorce, these “gifts” would be returned to your ex-spouse.

During financial disclosure in divorce, a forensic accountant may be brought on board to investigate any financial discrepancies.

–  Obtain a credit card in your name only. If you have one already, then remove your spouse as a signer on it, if she has that privilege.

Having a credit card in one’s name helps to build up a credit rating which is especially crucial once single again. Order a credit report to correct any mistakes, see what the number is, or if your spouse has caused it to take a nose dive for some reason.

If you find yourself in an emergency, then a credit card is invaluable. I could not have managed during the six weeks from when my husband left, until the interim support started, without it.

–  Open a bank account in your name only to ensure that you have access to funds when the divorce commences.

I had not done this, so did not have any cash. I had to ask my mum for a hand-out.  Joint accounts can temporarily be frozen during divorce, so you want to make sure to have a cash fund available.

pre-divorce checklist
Open a bank account in your name only

–  Set up direct payments from your joint banking account to utilities, mortgage lender, the phone company and other services so they get paid in case it is not frozen during proceedings. It makes life easier if one is not scrambling to pay these before interim support starts.

Since I had worked at our jointly owned business, I did not have an income stream to make these payments and received disconnection notices. If they had been automatically paid, this would not have happened.

–  If you sense that a divorce is imminent, then cut down on expenses and tuck away the amount that you would have spent on lunches out, clothes etc.

Keep close tabs on bank accounts or investment balances, to make sure that your spouse does not withdraw a large amount and then immediately file for divorce. Some savvy women bought themselves gift cards to grocery stores and to other necessary places when feeling that their marriages might be ending soon.

–  Some women had facelifts and breast implants done while still married right before heading for divorce.

A few furious husbands tried to get a partial reimbursement for these procedures, but were denied, since they were done while still married. I put off expensive dental work that I could have done during marriage. It was not covered, so I had a big bill for it when newly divorced.

A little pre-planning can make for a smoother divorce. One’s solicitor will appreciate having financial information right in the beginning of the proceedings.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

You might be interested in

why work with a divorce lawyer
Divorces are extremely stressful and they can be further complicated when children are involved.
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Why Work with a Divorce Lawyer

Published on
C&W LeeMarston
Lee Marston, Partner at Clough & Willis.

 

The doing away with Legal Aid has courted much controversy in the media, across the legal community and for those people who have been affected by its demise.

This has been coupled with a government sponsored push to drive compulsory Mediation Information Assessment Meetings (MIAMs) for those who are involved in a family dispute such as a divorce or a child custody case.

On the face of it, this is a typical – and sweeping – government tick-box exercise:

 

 
~ Cut the Legal Aid Bill? TICK

~ Push people towards taking up mediation in order to de-clutter the crowded court system? TICK

~ The only losers are the lawyers, so no public sympathy there? TICK

Well, no…. the reality isn’t the above as life isn’t as simple as the cosseted few who sit in the Westminster Village think it is.

In terms of non criminal or immigration Legal Aid work,  the governments’ spend was small potatoes – especially as a significant sum was recovered by getting a charge on property or receiving back costs from cash recovered/ preserved by the assisted person.

In children cases this was not the norm; but, like in financial claims, the application for public funding was still subject to a merits and means test. That way, the deserving and vulnerable received help and could be represented.

Before an application can be made to court for a divorce or child custody case, clients are now required to attend a MIAM.

The aim of the meeting is to see if mediation could be used to resolve their difficulties, rather than going straight to court.

Despite MIAMs being compulsory, there has been a dramatic reduction in take up – mainly because clients have not seen a lawyer who can make them aware of their choices.

The government’s new approach and its focus on mediation assumes:

~ That every person in a relationship is equal in strength and knowledge

why work with a divorce lawyer
Why work with a divorce lawyer? Divorces are extremely stressful and they can be further complicated when children are involved.

~ That there will be no problem establishing true disclosure for an informed decision

~ That there will be no problems agreeing the value of properties or shares

~ That there will be a reasonable approach to the financial need of the financially weaker party

~ That everyone knows the likely reaction of an existing mortgagee to a proposed agreement

~ That the implications of everyone tied to an existing mortgage are the same

~ That a mediator is someone who can give sound information as to the likely realms of a settlement

I would question every one of the above as I am increasingly coming across what I feel are under settled potential agreements. The fact of the matter is that people require the strength and expertise of a specialist family lawyer on their team.

Solicitors ensure full and frank disclosure and provide expert advice on settlement. By having that knowledge and experience on side, clients can make an informed decision; especially as all advice is tailored by a cost/ benefit analysis. That is, at each stage, comparing likely court imposed settlement to an offer made and balancing that with what further legal costs might be incurred.

Mediation can, of course, work if everyone involved is open, honest and trustworthy and as long as one party is not able to pressurise or browbeat the other.

However, the onus is now on the stretched Judiciary to mediate and impose its views, but this isn’t feasible due to the time it has available and the increasing number of litigants in person (an individual, company or organisation that is not represented in court by a solicitor or barrister) it deals with. These factors can result is many adjournments and it’s hard to be sure if there has been appropriate disclosure from both sides.

To sum up, divorces are extremely stressful and they can be further complicated when children are involved.

I passionately believe that clients shouldn’t go it alone as having a real person on their side who can guide them through the process, challenge where necessary and advise on their own set of circumstances will give them the best chance of securing a fair and just agreement.

www.clough-willis.co.uk

Lee Marston, became a partner in 2001 and heads up the Family Law team at Clough & Willis.

He is a Resolution Accredited Specialist in the financial side of divorce and children disputes. He was a founding member of the Family Law Panel in 2005 and has practised solely in Family Law for over fifteen years. He is particularly known for his vigour in pursuing his clients’ rights, especially when dealing with financial and parental issues.

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