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Managing your Finances after Divorce

Managing your Finances after Divorce

Published on
Claire Trundley
Partner HCB Solicitors

There is no doubt that experiencing a divorce can turn your life upside down, both emotionally and financially. For many, it is a devastating and traumatic event that can be messy, protracted and expensive.

Managing your finances after a divorce can, therefore, be an overwhelming and daunting task, leaving you uncertain and anxious about your future, especially if your household income has taken a huge hit.

For some, however, this change in circumstances can be liberating, presenting the perfect opportunity to take back control and achieve financial independence.

Here are 6 top tips to help you get your post-divorce finances back on track.

Prepare a Budget & Plan of Action

Having a budget and financial plan of action in place is key to managing your finances after you divorce.

  • Keep good records of your income and expenses
  • Check the benefits you may be entitled to now that you have separated, such as reduced council tax, adjustments to tax credits or child benefit.
  • Collect statements of all your outgoing expenses such as rent/mortgage, utilities etc.
  • Aim to identify and eliminate any unnecessary expenditure.
  • Identify where any savings and investments can be made.
  • Think about financial planning with your future in mind and the ways in which you will fund your retirement.
  • Think carefully about the long-term affordability of staying in the matrimonial home and the financial consequences of taking on a whole mortgage by yourself, especially if it is going to over stretch you financially.
  • Consider the benefits of downsizing to a smaller property with smaller mortgage and running costs.
  • Consider opting for a share of your partner’s pension rather than focusing entirely on the property you share.

Review Bank Accounts

It is a good idea to cut all financial ties with your ex as soon as possible.

  • Contact your bank to protect any joint bank accounts that you share with your ex. You will want to prevent your ex from emptying or closing accounts or running up any overdraft facility that you will be liable for. You might want to consider closing joint accounts or putting a freeze on them until you and your ex can agree on how to manage things, going forward. Get in touch with your bank and they will be able to advise you on the best course of action to take.
  • Secure your online banking by changing passwords and PIN codes that your ex might know or can easily guess.
  • Close any joint savings accounts and split the assets
  • Open a separate bank account in your name only, so payments can be made directly to you.

Deal with Debts

Making an effort to pay off debts is a sensible way to secure your personal finance going forward.

  • Cancel any joint bank credit cards. Try to reach an agreement with your ex on any outstanding balances and have agreed amounts transferred to new cards in your separate names.
  • Deal with outstanding debts that are in your name. You will be responsible for all debts in your name, even joint debts.
  • Let your lenders know that you have separated or divorced.
  • Communicate with your lenders to let them know if you are experiencing any problems with loan repayments so they can help you with a plan going forward.
  • Seek specialist financial counselling to help you put a plan in place to deal with any debt issues.

Save More

Investing in a savings account is a good way of creating finance to fall back on should unexpected expenses arise further down the line.

  • Allocate a regular portion of your income to your savings which will help you to avoid falling into debt and help protect your financial future.

Sort Mortgage, Rent & Utilities

Taking charge of your mortgage, rent and utilities will help protect the roof over your head.

  • Inform your lender that you and your partner have separated and work out a plan to ensure that mortgage repayments are covered.
  • If you are renting, let your agent or landlord know of your separation and have the lease put in your name only. Again, work out a plan to ensure that rent payments are covered. If you intend to move out of a rented property, let your agent or landlord know and have yourself removed from the lease.  You may also want to remove your name from the utilities for the property.
  • If you are staying in your property, ensure that all utility bills are in your sole name. If you are moving, ensure your name is removed from the utility bills for that property.

Make or Update Your Will

  • If you haven’t made a Will, now would be a good time to visit a solicitor and make one so that your exact wishes are known and adhered to. This is especially important if you have children that you are responsible for. Doing this will give you the opportunity to decide how you want your assets divided and who will be appointed guardians of your children.  If you have already made a Will, you may want to update it or make a new one that matches your new circumstances.
  • If you have a Power of Attorney in place you may want to review it and ensure that it is updated now that you have divorced.

About Claire 

Claire graduated in 1990 and joined HCB’s Bedford office in 1993; she was made a Partner in 1997.

She has always worked in family law dealing with children (private law), divorce, injunctions, financial matters and separation. She is an accredited specialist of Resolution (formerly known as SFLA) and a trained Collaborative lawyer.

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Divorce Memories and Dreams
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Where Life after Divorce Memories and Dreams Continue to be Made

Published on
Linda Simpson
Linda Simpson
Writer and Speaker

On Golden Pond clinched it.

We watched it, cried through the credits and saw ourselves years in the future. He, the crotchety Henry Fonda, and me, the delightfully aged Katharine Hepburn — opening the cottage each spring.

We’d remark on all the changes from the past year, ourselves included. Then we’d wait for our children and grandchildren to descend for their summer holiday.

It’s that time of year again. Cottage opening. Prompted by that movie 32 years ago, we scraped together some cash and bought the waterfront property of our dreams.

Travelling down the dusty back roads of our town we found the perfect piece of land. A huge stand of birch trees and a view straight across the lake. Sitting at the shore one sunny morning, watching two loons swim by, we knew this was ours.

Both of us had grown up with old fashioned cottages. Those simple cabins by the shore. Simplicity was the key to our type of cottage experience.

The first year we camped. There was no money left to build anything after buying the land. So, we built a tent platform and pitched a tent. That lasted all of one summer. It turned out, we were not happy campers.

The next year a small cabin sprang up in the middle of the birch grove. It was as simple as it gets. Reclaimed windows, second hand furniture, plywood counter top, ancient stove and cold water. But, we were out of the weather when it rained and more than an arm’s length from each other inside.

For our sons, the days blended into what I call those white nights of summer. Endless games of Marco Polo echoed from the raft. At dusk, they ran wild in the forest with a gaggle of cottage country kids, playing Capture the Flag. A game whose rules still elude me. After roasting marshmallows at the bonfire by the shore, they would drop into bed exhausted.

We added a front porch and the place remained like that for several years. Every night we watched the stars and dreamed of adding on a bedroom wing and a proper bathroom somewhere off in the future. Old fashioned cottages have two things in abundance. Memories and dreams. Nothing is ever completely “finished” and that is part of the fun. The memories and dreams.

Finally we took the plunge, mortgaged it and added on what we saw as luxury. Proper bedrooms and a bathroom.

This is where the idyllic story starts to get derailed.

My spouse began to dislike everything about the cottage, seething at the inevitable projects. Gone were the times where we had once, laughingly, faced the challenges together. Now he turned on me and the cottage. It was all a burden to him. He’d outgrown the summer place, just as he did his family. I was isolated and confused by his indifference.

After some very traumatic scenes, he walked out 20 years ago. I took over the parenting, the mortgage and finishing the cottage.

I learned to tape drywall and do a fairly decent job of it. Repair jobs I couldn’t do myself were farmed out to available handymen.

Like everything else in my newly single life, I began to really enjoy the autonomy of making my own decisions. I found out I could design the finishing touches and organize contractors. I worried constantly about the financial pressures of keeping the cottage. I persevered for my sons and relied on my spirited determination. The cottage became an integral part of the post-divorce family.

Slowly the place began to look more complete.

It is still an old fashioned cottage with a hominess that invites relaxation. There are big comfy couches and we have kitschy memorabilia tacked up on the walls. No granite counter tops. The hallway is a picture gallery of our family fun over the years.

It is now a special place for my grandchildren.

They bound out of the car, just like their fathers did so many years before. The someday that never was to be together with my former spouse is here. It is “Grandma’s Cottage.” And a new generation is running wild in the woods, splashing in the water, paddling in the inflatable boat, and having mud fights at the shore.

The place is still not finished. There’s some drywall that needs taping and painting. The outside should be re-stained but it is “the cottage.” Full of memories and dreams.

Dear Diary on a summer morning:
6 a.m.: steaming cup of coffee, snuggled up in bed with my grandchildren, watching the loons in the bay.

About Linda

A committed writer and speaker with stories to share based on many life lessons.

I found a voice and style that matches my spirit. The hope is that these articles inspire reflection and conversation.

After a rewarding teaching career that spanned 40+ years, writing became my next step. Many years spent as a guidance education trainer gave me a unique perspective on the lives of children.

Divorce twenty years ago provided first- hand knowledge of that life altering experience. As a very single parent, I am devoted to my wonderful family.

Every day I knock on the sky and believe impossible things before breakfast. It is all shared with the reader.

 

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Going through Divorce in Court

Going through Divorce in Court

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Some spouses may want to have a judge decide their fate and choose litigation.

Others may disagree on issues and do not want to negotiate with each other.

Or a judge receiving paperwork may have some questions and concerns, requiring one hearing with the spouses and their solicitors.

There can be one or two hearings with a settlement, or a series, leading up to the expensive final hearing with barristers on their team. Solicitors can send documents to the court without their clients ever having to appear.

The county court is the one that deals with the majority of divorces and separations. Children’s issues must be in the court in the jurisdiction where they live.

The High Court is used in cases of extreme wealth, more complex ones, or when one or both parties are foreign born.  The Magistrate Court handles a case with a criminal charge, such as domestic abuse.  The Crown Court deals with serious cases that require a trial by jury.

In Scotland, the Sheriff’s Court hears divorce and civil cases.

If going to court, your solicitor might get a barrister to represent you. The cases of extreme wealth are heard in the Court of Sessions in Edinburgh. In Northern Ireland, the High Court hears most of the divorce cases. Their Magistrate Court deals with removing an abusive family member from the home.

The judge will get input from Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) when assessing child arrangements.

Cafcass are officers of the court who focus on the children’s wants and needs. They interview the parents, children, and other people in the children’s lives, such as teachers or coaches. Talking to these people gives a picture of parenting interactions and hands on care.

They share the results of their findings with the judge, so he can make an informed decision on shared custody. Post-divorce a parent may return to court for a child’s issue that is not working out well. Cafcass can evaluate if shared time needs to be tweaked and get the child’s input on the arrangement before reporting to the judge

In most cases in the UK, parents decide on shared custody and do not leave it to a judge’s decision. A judge can issue a Residence Order stating with which parent a child will reside, or what percentage of time. Contact Order is the amount of time that the non-resident parent can see their child. A Specific Order is about one particular issue, such as which school that the child will attend.

Divorce Court Hearings

Pre-trial hearing: The judge has already perused the spouses’ information and can guide them to an agreement. He can urge the spouses to come to a settlement.

Both solicitors may want to settle in just one hearing with smaller details, such as who is responsible for paying the mortgage during divorce proceedings.

After Cafcass gives a report to the judge, the solicitors may want the spouses to come to terms on child arrangements in this more informal setting. It is expensive to have a Final Hearing with barristers representing each spouse in court.

If one requires financial support during the divorce, petition the court for an Earlier Interim hearing. Financial information is supplied and an arrangement for temporary maintenance is enacted that will last throughout the divorce proceedings.

The First Directions Appointment (FDA) is approximately two weeks after the paperwork is sent to court.

The spouses go before a judge and their solicitors tell him the issues. He gives directions determining the course to take which will resolve the major problems. The judge shows what the gaps are in the evidence presented and sets the time frame for future hearings.

This quick session outlines the case and gives directives to be accomplished before meeting again. If compromises are made following this hearing, they are sent to the judge and it may not be necessary for another session.

Financial Dispute Resolution Appointment (FDR) is after following the judge’s directives, and is the second appearance. Both sides have given full disclosure with Form E and this is a way to settle financial differences with the judge’s input.

The prime directive is to see if spouses can compromise on this dispute without resorting to a formal hearing.

In this informal session, the judge gives an idea on what the outcome of the case could be based upon the papers submitted to the court. This particular judge is not allowed to preside over the final hearing, so conversations are quite candid and informative. If a resolution is not met, then the case may end up in a full hearing.

Once an agreement is reached, the court can make it legally binding through a Consent Order after the Decree Nisi.

If this agreement is made outside of court, a solicitor can draw up this legal document which finalizes financial matters between you both. You can even do this without a solicitor using the county clerk’s help with information and how to do this order.

Final Hearing   

Before the final hearing, the solicitors agree upon the documents submitted to the judge in what is called a ‘’bundle’’, labelled with the court date.

The petitioner’s solicitor or barrister goes first and summarizes the case for the judge. She then gives evidence stating why the petitioner is asking for what she is. Witnesses are called and the respondent’s barrister cross examines them.

The Respondent’s barrister gives his side of the case and then calls his witnesses. The petitioner’s barrister cross examines these witnesses.

Expensive expert witnesses may be employed by both sides. These include psychologists, doctors, or forensic accountants who charge by the hour. Cafcass may also be presenting the results of interviews.

The judge will be looking at any prenuptial agreements and if they are fair. He will look at the case in its entirety. Closing arguments are given by the barristers. The judge may give a ruling at the end. A solicitor will apply for the Decree Absolute and the divorce ends most likely with great expense.

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Life after Divorce - When Fear Takes Over
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A Divorce Story – When Fear Takes Over

Published on
Charis Rooks
Author and Speake

The first 3 days without my ex-husband in our home was terrifying for me.

I could not sleep because I was constantly checking windows, doors, kids, and then I would start the rotation all over again until daylight.

After those three days passed by I noticed I would lie down but I couldn’t really sleep the way my body wanted me to sleep.  I was mentally and physically exhausted and on top of that I was sleep deprived.

I remember my fear was there are only three of us, me and my two daughters and no male protector in our home anymore, in those moments I felt overwhelmingly vulnerable.

I have come to notice that with divorce we tend to believe fear more so than anything else, I can definitely testify to this. For you it may not be a fear of being alone however, fear is fear regardless of the reason or situation.

Maybe your fear came in the form of a financial burden after the divorce. How will the mortgage get paid or how will I put food on the table. Did your nights become sleepless? Or maybe how will I be able to do everything that we planned for our future now on my own? Or maybe you are saying to yourself that you were barely keeping to a schedule with both of you in the household, so how in the world can you maintain structure alone?

There are several reasons and fear of the unknown seems to be the common denominator. I remember when I finally began to say to myself, “I will not allow fear to operate my car on this journey called life.”  I received an overwhelming sense of peace. I will be honest it wasn’t a onetime thing.

I said it daily and sure enough I began to sleep more and more peacefully as time went on. I began to check the doors less and less until I would check the doors one time and the kids once and I was out like a light bulb.

For more articles by Charis Rooks, Click here.

ABOUT CHARIS

After her second divorce, Charis decided that it was time to do something not only for herself but also for other women going through similar struggles.

As a survivor of divorce, Charis knows all about the lies and confusion that come with divorce. Though divorce does eventually end, the emotional scars and stress that come with a difficult divorce do not.

Charis is passionate about speaking the truth to women who are caught in the endless cycle of struggle after divorce and she encourages them to share their stories to help provide not only counseling for themselves but also support for others.

Charis does not limit her time to Draw for Women but also reaches out in other ways.

She is an accomplished and published author, having penned God Rarest Diamonds: A Proverbs Life after Divorce Devotional for women and Coming Soon- The 30 Day Life after Divorce Prayer Challenge for Women, which provides encouragement, support, and spiritual enlightenment to those who are struggling, helping readers bring peace to their life journeys. In addition to Draw for Women and writing,

Charis has a personal life that is as full as her professional life.

Charis is married to a wonderful man and is the mother of two talented and beautiful daughters.

Charis earned her Bachelor’s Degree in Business Technical Management with a concentration in Small Business and Entrepreneurship- Magna Cum Laude in Spring of 2016 and is currently pursuing her MBA.

When she is not working or studying, Charis loves to read, write, and travel. Charis is a dedicated individual who wants nothing more than to share her ideas, experiences, and knowledge to help other women who are struggling with divorce to become comfortable with themselves and with the state of their lives again. 

Facebook: http://facebook.com/draw4women

Twitter: Charis Rooks @draw4women

Instagram: Draw4Women

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Divorce Financial Negotiations

Ex husband Ordered to Pay 1.6 million 10 years after he Thought Divorce Financial Negotiations were Complete

Published on
Daniel Rushton
Head of Family Law
Grindeys Solicitors

Honest negotiations and formalising a divorce financial settlement are a crucial part of the divorce process as highlighted in a recent divorce case.

The couple separated in 2002. Following the divorce in 2006, the husband paid the wife £150,000 to pay off the mortgage and signed the family home over to her.

When they first married the couple were both teachers but the husband began a business in 1988. He owned 99% of the shares and the wife had the other 1%.

In 1990, he stopped teaching to concentrate on the business. They had three children when they separated in 2002. From this point the wife had no further dealings with the business which at the time of divorce, had a turnover of approximately one million a year.

Although in 2006 the wife had received the £150,000 and the family home she never signed the settlement agreement which had been drafted.

The lawyer who represented the husband during the initial divorce and financial negotiations confirmed that the wife agreed to the terms of the financial settlement. However, her acceptance was on the basis that the husband provided a full picture of his financial circumstances, with documentary evidence confirming it was true. He never did!

In 2013, ten years after they separated and seven years since the initial financial settlement was agreed she applied for a financial remedy order.

The judge concluded that there had been no full and final settlement, and that the husband had not provided the wife with full disclosure and so the initial financial agreement was not legally binding.

The husband was ordered to pay her a lump sum of £1.6m and to transfer 25% of his pension policies and shares to the wife and that decision was upheld by the Court of Appeal.

The judge said, “It was beyond argument that the wife had a claim. The two parties had made equal contributions to the marriage before separation and the wife had played an important role in the business during its infancy.”

This case illustrates the importance of making a full and honest disclosure when negotiating a financial settlement following divorce.

In another recent divorce case the court looked unfavourably on a husband who lied, attempted to hide money and refused to adhere to court orders during the post-divorce financial negotiations. The court labelled the husband a “disgrace” and issued court orders that forced him to comply. He was also ordered to pay his wife’s legal costs.

This case also illustrates the importance of ensuring that financial arrangements following divorce are legally finalised by way of a Consent Order if an agreement has been reached.

A Consent Order officially ends the financial relationship between a divorcing couple and means no further financial claims can be made against each other (as long as a full and honest financial disclosure has been made by all parties).

In another high profile case reported last year a wife made a claim against her former husband 27 years after their divorce. At the time of the divorce neither had many assets to fight over but the husband went on to build a multi-million pound business.

In the absence of a formal agreement to end their financial relationship following their divorce the former wife succeeded, 27 years later, the wife was allowed to bring a claim against her former husband, despite the fact that he had no assets when they divorced.

The Court actually did not have to decide whether she was entitled to anything, because the husband in question agreed to what was to him a cheap settlement, but it was still a lot of money to the wife.

Honestly negotiating and then formalising a divorce financial settlement is a crucial part of the divorce process. No one wants to be hit with a financial remedy order years after the divorce when they have moved on and rebuilt their lives. An honest formalised agreement ensures the past remains in the past!

About Daniel Rushton

Daniel has over 20 years’ experience as a specialist family law solicitor. He is Head of the Family Law team at Grindeys Solicitors based in Stoke on Trent.

Daniel has a particular interest and experience in dealing with business owners, company directors and members of the medical profession in matrimonial situations. For this type of work a solicitor who understands your business accounts and business structure is vital to obtain the best financial settlement possible.

Recent cases include one involving an international business and extremely valuable assets and pensions, as well as property abroad. He has acted for numerous doctors and other medical professionals, council workers, police officers and serving members of the armed services. In twenty-three years, Daniel has dealt with all walks of life and will adopt a professional yet caring approach to your situation.

Email: daniel.rushton@grindeys.com

www.grindeys.co.uk

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Couples Counselling
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Couples Coaching – The Case of Clive and Romaine

Published on
Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

Couples Coaching for 2017 – The case of Clive and Romaine Smith, an excellent example of how some timely talking and listening can help save a relationship.

This example also demonstrates that couples coaching is about practicalities and problem solving.

Not so much “Heaven knows I’m miserable now” as “Heaven can see we are working together”.

Clive and Romaine Smith have been together for a little over 15 years and were married 14 years ago.

They have three children, Clive Junior, Max and Marcus aged 13, 10 and 9. Max has recently been diagnosed with what the family GP, Dr Dalziel, terms “severe autism”.

The Smith family reside in a small three-bedroom terraced house which is mortgaged to the Far and Wide Building Society, in Clive’s words, “up to the hilt.”

Clive drives a delivery van undertaking contract work for a number of retailers and works a 60 hour week at minimum wage rates. For the most part, Clive is “self-employed” but one retailer employs him under a zero hours contract and only pays him irregularly.

Romaine works part-time as an administrative assistant in a publishing firm and is on a very low wage. Her employers are very strict about punctuality and her wages are regularly docked because of lateness.

Also, Romaine finds it difficult to meet the very stringent performance targets she is set and sometimes has to work late without recompense. She admits to being very strongly dependent on sleeping tablets.

Romaine claims Child Benefit and Tax Credits and receives an allowance from the local authority in respect of Council Tax  but her family are always very short of money and find it very difficult to balance the books.

She and Clive are consistently in arrears with the mortgage and only pay their utility bills when they receive red reminders. Romaine finds it very difficult to deal with the demands of the tax credit system and as a result has twice been classed as having been overpaid.

Currently, a £700.00 overpayment of this benefit is being clawed back from her ongoing entitlement at a rate equivalent to £10.00 per week.

Max’s educational needs have only recently been “officially” recognised and Romaine and Clive both feel strongly that over a very long period of time, his school SENCO and headteacher have simply failed to address his needs.

Although strictly speaking the GPs reference to “severe autism” is a bit of a misnomer, in practice it is absolutely correct. Max’s behaviour is very challenging and unpredictable.

He is aggressive and demanding in both school environments.

For some reason he recently took a particular dislike to his younger brother and he is constantly teasing and threatening him. Clive and Romaine have quite frequently been called into speak with Max’s headteacher because of his behaviour and in the past year he has been excluded twice for being abusive towards his form teacher and another student.

He is easily led and it is generally considered that he has in his mother’s words “got in with the wrong crowd”. Complaints have been made to the school and to the local authority but notwithstanding the recent diagnosis, little has been done.

Clive and Romaine have found it very hard even to get their son assessed and in reality, they are too tired and too dispirited to fight back and pursue their complaints.

Clearly, Clive and Romaine are under a lot of pressure. At best, Max is surly and uncommunicative. At worst he can be completely out of control.

His parents have to divide their precious time between all three of their children and given his very complex needs, perhaps inevitably, Max does not receive all the help and support that he needs from them, a situation that is made all the worse because of his school’s failings.

Not surprisingly, Clive and Romaine’s relationship is very strained.

They never have any time to themselves and because of the demands placed on them both by their jobs and Max they can go for days at time without communicating properly. They have considered separating and getting divorced but both appreciate that the financial and other consequences would be disastrous for them and their children.

Max would be particularly affected and the reality is that his parents simply cannot afford to separate.

Additionally, Clive and Romaine are both very strongly principled and still love one another. They both take the view that when they got married they made a lifetime commitment and as difficult as their lives are, they have not lost sight of the fact that amongst all the bad times, there have been some very good times. They are especially proud of Marcus who despite having a difficult elder brother to contend with is doing exceptionally well in school and consistently gets very good reports.

The sympathetic Dr Dalziel is very mindful of the Smiths’ circumstances. Following a request from Clive and Romaine for a joint referral for counselling she recommends that they consider seeing a couples counsellor whom she thinks may be able to help them identify some common ground and devise an action plan.

Unfortunately, NHS funding is not available but having agreed to offer the Smiths three one hour sessions at a reduced rate, the counsellor, Josie, makes it abundantly clear that although she is not a lawyer or advisor, there are some non judgemental options that they may care to consider. She suggests they contact a parents’ support group and a benefits advisor, Mr. Moneypenny, who is attached to a local church.

Mr. Moneypenny gives some pointers to Romaine about how to deal with her tax credits problems and to respond to the building society. He also helps her to apply for Disability Living Allowance on Max’s behalf, a benefit that she thought she could not claim because she and Clive are both working (a common misconception).

With these strategies in-place, Josie helps the Smiths to talk through their innumerable concerns and enables them to see that despite all their difficulties, there are a number of positives, not least their commitment to one another and their marriage vows.

She helps them to draw up an informal agreement of their own devising which will help them manage their finances better and keep on top of what they termed “the paperwork and bills”.

Clive and Romaine also feel able to devise some additional strategies so that they can both have a little time to themselves and they jointly resolve to maintain contact with the support group which has agreed to help them resolve their disagreements with Max’s headteacher.

In the course of the sessions with Josie, Clive and Romaine find that for the first time in quite some years they are communicating meaningfully with one another and they reaffirm their commitment to one another.

The immense difficulties that they have had to contend with are only slightly diminished and it cannot be said that they “live happily ever after”. However, they feel they have benefited immensely from Josie’s input and they can face 2017 in a much better frame of mind.

ABOUT PAUL

Paul Sandford is an accredited civil mediator,  family mediator and Tribunal Judge

He mediates for a leading UK charity, has been appointed a governor/mediator at a London Secondary School and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training and is working towards becoming an accredited family mediator.

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

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Breaching a Court Financial Order or Consent Order is a Risky Game

Published on
Daniel Rushton Head of Family Law Grindeys Solicitors
Daniel Rushton
Head of Family Law
Grindeys Solicitors

In July 2016, the Telegraph reported on a divorce case where the husband failed to comply with a financial court order, also known as a Consent Order, which stated that the marital home be sold.

The proceeds of the sale were to be used to pay off the marital debt and the remainder to be split between him and his former wife.

He refused to leave the property and after a very expensive four-year legal wrangle and several failed appeals, he has now been given a final ultimatum.

Get out of the house or face a six month prison sentence!

A husband and his new wife are issued with a prison sentence

Another long-winded and expensive legal battle was the case of Trott V Trott (2015).

This resulted in an ex-husband and his new wife being subjected to a custodial prison sentence following a series of breaches of a court order.

In summary, the new wife failed to produce financial statements required by the court and the husband committed several breaches. He failed to transfer proceeds from the sale of marital assets and he also sold shares in a business, an action the court order prohibited him from doing.

The new wife’s minor breach attracted a 14 day custodial sentence suspended for 12 months to discourage her from breaching any further order. The husband, because of the number and severity of breaches, was given a three month custodial sentence.

Value of Assets is Irrelevant

These two cases clearly illustrate that the courts do not look favourably on people who fail to comply with financial orders.

The two cases outlined above involved relatively high value assets, a house worth half a million in the first case and shares valued at one hundred thousand in the second.  However, value is irrelevant! The court will use the power of a custodial sentence even when less valuable assets are concerned.

In 2014, in the case of Hope v Krejci the husband breached a financial court order when he failed to transfer two cars and a motorbike to his wife.

By the time the case came to court he had still failed to make the transfer and the judge ordered that if he had not made the transfer by an agreed date his would receive a 2 month custodial sentence. The value of the vehicles was just £16,000.

In Pocock v Pocock (2013), the husband had agreed to transfer the marital property to the wife, pay the mortgage before redeeming the mortgage before an agreed date.

The mortgage redemption did not happen and mortgage payments were only occasionally paid. The wife had brought the husband back to court several times until she applied to have her husband committed for a custodial sentence. The judge order fourteen days in prison. A sentence which would be suspended but only if he promptly adhered to the terms of the Court Order.

The Cost of a Prison Sentence

Each of these cases share similarities. Each divorce case would have been incredibly stressful for the parties in dispute.

For a court a custodial sentence is a last resort. To get that ‘last resort’ several costly court hearings would have been required which would create a very costly legal bill and for what?

A Court Order is a legally binding document that will be enforced, eventually!

There are Exceptions to Every Rule

Of course there are exceptions to every rule and there is occasion where a breach will be accepted by the court.

If there is a significant event that changes the circumstances of one of the parties to the Consent Order, which impacts on their ability to meet their responsibilities, it may not be enforced.

For example, a former husband is ordered to pay maintenance to his former wife but he is made redundant and he no longer has the means to make the payments. It is unlikely the court would enforce the order until he has the means to do so.

There may also be occasion where a Consent Order is not final and can be appealed.

There are several reasons this could happen. It may be found that one of the parties did not provide a full and honest disclosure of all their assets at the time the Consent Order was made.

If one of the parties was unduly influenced, maybe by violence or blackmail, to accept the Consent Order then the Consent Order could be declared invalid.

Talk to a Family Law Solicitor

Whether or not a Consent Order will be enforced depends very much on the specific circumstances.

If you think a breach has occurred, or you are deliberately breaching the terms of a Consent Order, it is highly recommended that you seek legal advice from a family law specialist.

Ignoring the order of a court could be costly in terms of both your finances and your freedom!

 ABOUT DANIEL

Daniel has over 20 years’ experience as a specialist family law solicitor. He is Head of the Family Law team at Grindeys Solicitors based in Stoke on Trent.

Daniel has a particular interest and experience in dealing with business owners, company directors and members of the medical profession in matrimonial situations. For this type of work a solicitor who understands your business accounts and business structure is vital to obtain the best financial settlement possible.

Recent cases include one involving an international business and extremely valuable assets and pensions, as well as property abroad.

He has acted for numerous doctors and other medical professionals, council workers, police officers and serving members of the armed services. In twenty-three years, Daniel has dealt with all walks of life and will adopt a professional yet caring approach to your situation.

Email: daniel.rushton@grindeys.com

 

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Divorce for Women Fifty

Divorce for Women Over Fifty

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Different decades have their unique concerns when it comes to divorce.

Women over fifty are caught between wanting liquid assets that will help them start their new life, yet receiving enough in retirement funds.

Consider consulting with your own financial advisor who will look over all that is on the financial table.

They will assist in determining what is the most advantageous split for you or come up with several options. They can meet with your solicitor to ensure you three are on the same page.

A house may look like a £400, 000 asset, but in reality be worth half of that, if there is still a mortgage on it. I opted for cash in order to pay down the mortgage on my new house. Now that retirement is looming closer on the horizon, that may not have been the best decision.

In divorce, a tax expert may be brought on board to assess what the tax consequences are for various investments and pension plans. Some are taxed upon withdrawing funds and others are not. If two accounts are valued at £ 20,000 and one will have a tax to be paid, then dividing these between spouses is not an even distribution.

Nowadays, the trend is to have maintenance paid for a shorter period of time, perhaps a few years. Or there may be a clean break where assets are split and both walk away from the marriage without any future payments.

If one spouse owns a business, then an expert may be brought in to value it. This is trickier when it is service related and there is not much inventory. The other spouse would receive less compensation than if there was pricey equipment or stock.

During the chaos of divorce proceedings, one may be in survival mode and not thinking of what is around the corner.

Will your last child be leaving home soon after divorce?

In this case, consider selling the marital home during divorce and downsizing. My older son was starting university in less than two years, with his younger brother following behind him post-divorce. It made sense to buy a small house during divorce which accommodated us three, yet would be perfect for a single person with cats.

Think about your situation and what lies ahead.

Baby Boomers are the sandwich generation with kids at home and also being responsible for elder care.

If your parents or another family member are requiring your attention, will you be relocating near them at some point? That is another reason to sell the marital home, splitting the proceeds so that you are not tied down to a specific location.

It was nice being in a new place with my sons. There are many choices to make during divorce and a life coach can help you sort through them when feeling overwhelmed.

A woman in her fifties has accumulated much stuff. De-cluttering before moving or even if staying in the marital home is beneficial. This is a good time to keep just what you truly like and get rid of the excess. Purge your closet and take clothes to a consignment shop.

I worked for a company that sold clients’ items online and took boxes of china, stemware and other personal possessions to them. The extra money was much appreciated. I had several huge yard sales and a friend was most helpful in sourcing buyers for furniture. Make sure you have divided personal property first or have checked in with your solicitor before selling anything.

I got rid of unwanted gifts, some of which were from my soon-to-be-ex. Some items will no longer be needed with your new lifestyle. An example is, if you lavishly entertained your spouse’s business colleagues and clients, those platters, and so forth can be sold.

If you have been out of the job market for a while, a career coach can assess your skill set, give recommendations and help you find employment. Or you may want to take some courses or training which can help you get a larger salary. You may want to change careers, freelance, or work for a temp agency to determine what work interests you.

When one has been married for a few decades, getting a divorce is a major upheaval in life. Talking with others going through this life transition can be reassuring that you are not alone. There are various classes and resources to help you get through this. Reach out to family and friends.

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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definition of cohabitation

The Real Definition of Cohabitation – What are Cohabiting Couples Legal Rights towards Each Other

Published on
Thomas Taylor
Thomas Taylor
Director
Net Lawman

The myth of common law marriage rights

Many couples prefer to live together in a committed relationship without getting married.

They assume that living together for a long time gives them the same types of legal right and responsibility to each other as marriage, such as entitlement to the other’s estate if he or she dies; a share of property on separation; and parental responsibility.

However, it doesn’t.

In the UK, the law does not recognise the concept common law marriage (with the exception of Scotland, where cohabiting couples have some basic rights if they separate).

For the most part, it treats you as two individuals – bank accounts, possessions and property held in one name belong to that person and assets held in joint names are held equally.

The misconception that there is common law marriage can be devastating if you separate or if one of you dies.

One person may find that his or her wealth is far less than thought; an assumed inheritance might be passed on to the deceased’s other family members; and both people may still have responsibilities for children – even if only one of them is a biological parent.

Cohabitation Rights

Living in a property does not give you rights to ownership or to stay.

  • If the property is rented

Only the people named in the tenancy agreement have the right to live there, and only during the tenancy.

If you move in with your partner into his or her rented home, then you have no rights to stay there if you break up. That applies even if you give your partner a contribution to the rent.

Additionally, your partner can ask you to move out at any time, without any notice period.

This situation changes if you become a tenant yourself.

You are likely to need the landlord’s permission to live at the property for a significant amount of time, and he or she is likely to ask you to become a tenant.

Most landlords insist that rent is paid jointly and severally – in other words that the tenants together are responsible for paying all the rent. If you are a tenant and this is the case, then you are still liable to pay the rent even if you move out. Only ending the tenancy ends your responsibility.

  • If one of you owns the property

The person who owns the property has the right to make any decision about who lives there or what happens to it.

definition of cohabitationHe or she can ask you to move out at any time, or could sell it, or could change it in any way.

The exception is where there has been a prior agreement or understanding that the non-owner is entitled to a share of the value of the property, perhaps only in certain circumstances, or as a result of certain actions (such as contributing financially to a mortgage repayment or spending time renovating the property). The agreement ideally needs to be in writing so that neither party can later dispute it.

A court may also decide that a parent has a right to live with a child in a property owned by the other parent in order to ensure the welfare of the child.

  • If both of you own the property

If you both own the property, then you both have rights to live there. One of you cannot force the other to sell unless he or she applies to the court for an order.

The share of the property that you own will be determined by whether you own it as “joint tenants” or “tenants in common”. You can read a longer explanation of the difference between these terms, but in short, if you are joint tenants, you are usually entitled to receive half of the proceeds on sale, and if you are tenants in common then you receive whatever share you pre-agreed that you own. How much you contributed often has no influence on how much you own.

If you applied for a mortgage in both names, you will still be liable for repayments even if you do not live at the property. The same usually applies for household bills in joint names.

  • Financial support

Cohabiting couples have no responsibility to support each other financially, or to support each other after separation.

If both people have legal responsibility for any children in the relationship, then one or both may have to make contributions to the other for the welfare of the children.

  • Ownership of possessions

Just as with ownership of a house or flat, ownership of smaller possessions is unaffected by whether you live together or not.

If you buy something with your own money, or if you owned something before the relationship started, it remains yours throughout the relationship and after separation.

If your partner gives you a gift, you own it. Sometimes, however, it is difficult to prove it was given as a gift.

If you buy something together, in most circumstances you would own it in shares to which you contributed to the price, unless you agree otherwise.

Money in joint bank accounts, and joint debts are owned equally. You are both equally responsible for repaying the amount owed, and have equal right to spend the jointly owned money.

  • On death

If one of you dies without having made a will, then the rules of intestacy apply.

The consequence might be that the surviving partner receives very little from the estate.

Jointly owned assets automatically become the property of the other without being included in the estate. So if you own a house as joint tenants together, the other will automatically become the sole owner of it all.

However, savings and investments (including life insurance) in the name of the deceased might not pass to the partner.

A partner may be able to claim in court that he or she was a financial dependent and that the will should be varied in his or her favour. However, this is costly and may not succeed.

The best way to make sure your estate is passed on to the people you want to inherit it is to make a will.

Written Cohabitation Agreements

A written cohabitation agreement can help in a lot of ways to avoid problems on separation or death.

It is a formal legal agreement between both the partners that sets out the rights and responsibilities of each partner and who owns what. For example, an agreement might cover:

  • how much each partner contributes to joint living costs
  • which assets remain the property of one alone
  • how ownership of other assets is divided
  • draft arrangements for any children in the case of separation (although a court may vary these)

About Thomas:

Thomas Taylor is a director of Net Lawman, a legal document template retailer. He writes about a variety of subjects relating to personal law, including living together, separation and divorce.

You can follow other articles on Twitter @NetLawman.

 

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why you need a financial order
/

They Think It’s All Over …  Actually, No It Isn’t or Why you Need a Financial Order on your Divorce

Published on
Karen Wallace
Karen Wallace
Head of Family Department
Stafford Young Jones

The Minister says to the Groom/Bride:

 N, will you take N to be your wife/husband?

Will you love her/him, comfort her/him, honour and protect her/him and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her/him as long as you both shall live? (The Marriage Service  © The Archbishop’s Council 2016)

Many of us will be familiar with these words from the traditional church wedding service.

When we say “I will” in response, and then go on to make the traditional vows about having and holding, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer and so on, most people don’t realise that they are also saying, and under the Matrimonial Causes Act, if we get divorced we are obligated to continue to financially support each other and can make claims against each other for capital, income and pensions at any time until the court says those claims are dismissed.

It’s not as romantic as, ‘til death us do part, but I wonder how much grief would be saved if people understood that they are both taking on these responsibilities when those vows are made?

Those claims, for capital, income and pensions, relate to the assets that have been built up during the marriage as a result of contributions both people made to the relationship.

The courts don’t discriminate between types of contribution so a wife who has stayed home to raise the children has contributed as much as a husband who went out to work and earned the money to pay the mortgage.  But what I am concerned with here are the words “until the court says those claims are dismissed.”

If you are divorcing right now you may find that there are complicated issues to resolve about finances – who is to get what out of the house, what happens about pensions, the division of a business.

If you have a lawyer advising you and you reach an agreement with your ex, it will be strongly recommended that a Financial Remedy Order (“FRO”) is drawn up.  In these circumstances it will be applied for by consent, so these orders are often called “consent orders”.

If you go to court and a judge decides it all for you, you will get a FRO automatically as part of the decision process.

All FROs, made by consent or otherwise, are made by judges, so that they are binding and enforceable, meaning that if either of you try to go back on the deal, the other can go back to court and make you do what you are supposed to.  They always include “dismissal clauses”, which explicitly say that neither of you can claim anything else from the other in the future.

why you need a financial order
What if you don’t really have any assets to divide

But what if you reach agreement with your ex by some other route, such as mediation?  Or what if you don’t really have any assets to divide, or you sort it all out between you and there is no hassle about anything?  Surely the decree absolute will take care of it?  You don’t need to go to the bother of getting a FRO then, do you?

Well yes, actually, you do.  Getting your decree absolute only confirms that you are divorced.  Those claims for capital, income and pensions don’t go away until a judge specifically says they do.  If you marry again then you can’t make claims – but if your ex doesn’t remarry they can still claim from you at any time in the future – unless and until a judge has said they can’t.

You might think that you don’t have very much and you will probably carry on not having very much, and neither will your ex, but what happens if they fall ill or have an accident and can’t work anymore, so have even less than they do now, or you win the Lottery?  Those sorts of circumstances throw a whole new light on it, and suddenly, even years later, you could find yourself facing a claim.

That’s exactly what happened in the case of Wyatt v Vince [2016] EWHC 1368 (FAM).

The case made the headlines a year or two ago when Mr Vince tried to say that Ms Wyatt wasn’t entitled to make a claim because of a 19 year delay, but the Supreme Court said that she could.

Her claim has recently been resolved by agreement and she was awarded £300,000 plus some money towards the costs of the Supreme Court hearings.  The judge approving their agreement said he was satisfied that it was reasonable for Ms Wyatt to receive a modest award following the breakdown of the marriage.

I expect you are wondering why she waited so long to make her claim.  Well, they married in 1981 and had one child.  They separated in 1984 and divorced in 1992.

During the marriage they lived a New Age traveller lifestyle; after they separated Mr Vince continued living as a traveller for several years; Ms Wyatt also lived as a traveller with their child, and in homeless shelters and eventually in a council property.  A classic case of a couple with not very much at all who probably saw no reason to go to the trouble and expense of getting a FRO.

What changed was that years later Mr Vince became a highly successful green energy tycoon worth £57m, while Ms Wyatt continued to live in her council property, suffering with various health problems.

The amount they eventually agreed she should receive was only about 0.05% of his overall wealth, and her claim was an uphill struggle; but nevertheless she still got something, over 19 years after they divorced, when it could never be said that she had made even the slightest contribution to the assets Mr Vince had built up.

And it was all because they never asked a judge to dismiss their claims against each other when they got divorced.  A great opportunity for Ms Wyatt, not so much for Mr Vince who, as you might imagine, is a bit cross about it all.

So that is why lawyers recommend that you have a FRO dismissing all claims, so that you both have the certainty for the future that neither of you can bring any claims against the other in later years.

A FRO means that the agreement you have reached is binding: neither of you can go back on any deal you may have made in mediation; and neither of you can go back on a promise between the two of you to leave each other’s finances alone.

FROs are bespoke technical documents that are tailored to your individual circumstances, and usually you will need a lawyer to write it up for you.  But if your circumstances change later in life and you hit a jackpot, you may find that it was a very worthwhile investment – and it really will all be over.

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Financial Tailspins of the Divorced Dad
/

Financial Tailspins of the Divorced Dad

Published on
Stepmother Meaning
Ali Wilks
Certified Stepfamily Coach

This is one of those “I wish I knew about this ahead of time” blogs.

The financial blows of a divorced dad become the financial woes of the stepmom.

For a lot of women, finances aren’t initially a part of the landscape when dating a man with children – the thought may have never crossed her mind.

As the relationship progresses, however the reality of child support payments and possible spousal support becomes a reality. Maybe even a scary reality. Reality may kick in when you ask how do you afford the wedding of your dreams with a second timer (or maybe third)?

Then consider this: child support for several more years (possibly into the first few years of post secondary education), while paying a mortgage and paying the bills.

And then if you want some of your own how do you then add buying diapers and supporting a wife while she collects SMP benefits of maternity leave- if there are any and if she’s entitled to them.

How do you afford the extra curricular activities of your own children as they grow up and develop interests in art, music, ballet classes or sports ??  It’s enough to make you want to hide under the covers and never want to come out.

I often hear about the financial stressors of second time families.

Stepmoms share stories about barely making ends meet but that stepkids get to go to an expensive sports school during the summer because of the court order on splitting costs.  Not to mention there may also be legal bills from the previous court proceedings and some fathers are still battling it out in the courts to fight for the custody of children or other issues.

In reality many divorced dads don’t have the finances to buy or keep their own home or save for retirement.

They are starting from scratch. Some say that the financial burden can set the new family back by 10 years or more. More often than not the matrimonial home ends up on the cutting block as part of the negotiations.

divorced dad
You ask how do you afford the wedding of your dreams with a divorced dad?

Further down the road planning for retirement takes a turn down a different route. Because when retirement does happen most of that pension or retirement savings and investments (In Canada we call them RRSP’s) and are split.

Truth be told starting over again with marriage, new children and mortgage is tough.

In my own situation, my husband was older than me and on the verge of retirement as we were planning our wedding. My husband’s friends and colleagues were finished paying their mortgages, travelling, buying toys and enjoying the free life of an empty nester.

No kids no mortgage. They are planning grandchildren. I can’t help but wonder if he’s a bit jealous of them. I think I might be! All joking aside those are really serious issues. There are ex wives who rely heavily on those child support payments. And sometimes it may be their only source of income.

Financial planning is challenging at the best of times. Heck saving is challenging.

Statistics show that financial issues are at the root of reasons for getting a divorce. Most people are in over their heads even in first time families. I’m using the advice of Gail Vaz-Oxlade. In one of her posts on her Facebook page she said that “talking about money is harder than talking about sex, religion, politics and even death”. It is a taboo topic and usually kept secret. So discussions on spending habits with your intended often do not happen prior to the big day.

Gail is a financial guru in Canada who has written plenty of books, articles and has two TV shows (’Til Debt Due Us Part and Princess). She is also a stepmom. She gets this.

She suggests the best way to tackle the problem is to have an open dialogue of who owes what and to whom with interest rates, tracking spending (yes that trip to Starbucks counts as does that purchase of the “ Us” magazine) for a few days, and write out what you have to pay out each month (cell phones, internet, utilities, food, recreational activities, child support, spousal support, insurance, car maintenance etc) and come up with a plan of attack.

Pay off the credit card with the highest interest rate first. Another approach may be to pay off the debt with the smallest balance first, and work your way up. Slay the smallest dragon first so to speak. And sometimes if you go to your financial institution they may help you find an account which has lower fees.

You may also be able to negotiate a payment plan with some of your credit card and utility companies. If you need more help google your local resources for money mentorship type programs. Or check out Gail’s website or books. Best wishes for smooth sailing!

About the Author

My name is Ali Wilks (www.aliwilks.com)  and I have a BA in Psychology with a MSc in Human Ecology specializing in Family Studies and I am a certified stepfamily coach.

I have been working in Children’s Services since 1998 in Edmonton,  Alberta. I am currently a trainer on Edmonton’s Caregiver Training Unit providing classes for foster, kinship, and adoptive parents. These classes include building essential skills in raising children not born to them who present with special needs. I am a stepmother of 3 adult children (with a couple of grandkids too)  and the birthmother of 2 beautiful girls.

aliwilks@xplornet.ca

www.facebook.com/stepbystepmom/

twitter.com/ali_wilks

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divorce at 50

Coping with Divorce at 50 and Beyond

Published on
Muna Saleem Associate Solicitor Crisp co
Muna Saleem
Associate Solicitor
Crisp & Co

You’re done with the hard graft of your 30s and 40s.

The kids have left home, the mortgage is more or less paid and, hopefully, you’re financially secure.

You finally have some time to re-evaluate life and focus on your own needs, and for an increasing number of people this has meant joining the ranks of the so-called ‘silver splitters’ – the mid-life divorcees.

In fact, while the Office for National Statistics has recorded that 2012-2013 (the most recent figures on public record) saw divorce rates drop to their lowest in 40 years, splits among the over-50s are steadily on the rise.

So what has inspired this middle-aged quirk?

Some commentators have pointed to the runaway success of ‘50 Shades of Grey’, empowering women to take control of lacklustre love lives and seek new adventures. Others have simply suggested that couples who married young may have run their course, drifting apart as life goes on, starting a new chapter once the responsibilities of parenthood take a backseat.

In fact, according to a recent survey by Resolution, the professional body of family lawyers in England and Wales, 82% of 14-22 year-olds said they would rather their parents divorced if they were unhappy than stay together just for the sake of the children.

Teenagers and older offspring are likely to understand the ways of the world and adapt to new situations if they can see that it’s in the best interests for you, so it’s advisable to be as open and honest with them as possible, while respecting their relationship with your partner. Don’t try to make them take sides, as this will cause unfair stress on their part.

Society accepts divorce much more so now than in past generations, and if you do decide to end your marriage, it’s important to make your financial and emotional well-being a priority so that you can fully enjoy your newfound independence.

Take Control of your Finances

If you’re looking at the prospect of becoming a ‘Sindy’ (Single Income, Now Divorced), what are the key financial hurdles you face?

  • Dividing your assets, liabilities and property can be complicated, particularly if you can’t come to an amicable agreement with your spouse, or if there are children/dependents involved. If required, get professional help from a solicitor that specialises in divorce.
  • Once you’ve settled the legal aspects, reviewing what you have left after a split is key. Do your investments and pension plans still fit with your goals for the future? Have your financial goals changed? Consider seeking some expert financial advice if you’re not sure.
  • You should also check in on your income vs. expenditure (your budget) to make sure you don’t fall into debt or overspend. Running a household on a single income can be tricky, especially if you’re used to two.

Live your Life to the Full, enjoy your Independence

Being a divorcee is no longer the social taboo that it once was and being newly divorced can be the perfect time to meet new people, gain friends, and seek out new experiences.

There’s always a wealth of opportunities to network, socialise and date, whatever your age or former marital status.

  • Take it slowly if you need to. Find a friend or family member who’s been through something similar, as they can help you get to grips with the dating scene.
  • Join a club, society or local group to meet new people; it can be a fun way to spend your free time even if you don’t meet the love of your life.
  • Make use of technology. As well as the good old-fashioned classifieds, you could try dating apps or websites, which can provide a great way to meet people outside of your normal social group. Dating in this way has lost its stigma and has become an increasingly popular way to find romance.

Take Care of Yourself

Divorce is undeniably one of the most stressful experiences life can throw up, even for the party that instigates proceedings, so it’s important to talk to friends, family and medical professionals if you feel at all anxious. Trouble sleeping and/or dramatic weight loss/gain are the outwardly obvious signs of stress, and depression can follow, so it’s important to open up about your feelings to close friends or trained professionals who can help you get back on track.

While things may sometimes feel tough as you readjust, it’s important to remember that many people overcome the emotional strains to successfully rebuild their lives, possibly finding a new love along the way.

For couples that can maintain effective communication during the separation, mediation can be a very productive alternative to Court battles. Mediators are totally impartial, do not take sides and only offer sound legal advice in order to facilitate ‘good’ divorces with minimal animosity.

There’s no denying that divorce can sometimes be traumatic and difficult, but getting out of an unhappy marriage can also be an empowering experience. A growing number of over-50s are untying the knot and taking bold steps to start new chapters, but it goes without saying that such decisions should not be taken lightly.

Muna Saleem is an expert in family law, and is an associate solicitor at Crisp & Co. and an accredited member of the Law Society’s Family Law Panel. You can connect with Crisp & Co on Facebook.

 

 

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