Wendi Schuller

Moving On

Getting Started Dating Again Post-Divorce

Published on August 17, 2026August 10, 2026

Wendi Schuller
Dating Coach
Author of The Global Guide to Divorce

Beginning to date again post-divorce can be challenging. One may be clueless how to jump back into the dating game after such a long hiatus. Perhaps there may be children in the house and you are not free to come and go as you please. It’s trickier being able to be spontaneous when having to get a babysitter.

Are you Ready to Date Again?

Is dating something you really want to do or are you being nudged back into it by well-meaning friends? Sometimes people say “It’s about time to go out, you’ve been divorced for a while.” Plenty of individuals have opted not to date after their divorces. Others have and are in happy second marriages. You do not owe anyone an explanation about dating or not dating again s. Think about what you want to do and if you are ready.

Meeting New People

It can be more embarrassing for an introvert to put themselves out there trying to start a conversation with a possible candidate. It takes practice. One does not pick up a musical instrument and be a virtuoso instantly. Striking up a conversation takes practice. This is particularly the case when one was put down or not appreciated in an abusive marriage.

Take baby steps. Get comfortable talking to a wide variety of individuals. Start conversations with baristas, grannies, anyone. Then you seem approachable and easy to have a chat. One guy and I started talking when we were in a queue to get into a Greek Festival. That led to what were our interests, a date and later on an engagement. Making eye contact helps you to look friendly.

Where to Meet People

Coffee shops or venues with a community table. As a writer, this is my type of hangout and I have met interesting people in these types of places. Conversations start and sometime the whole table joins in. This is informational and fun.

Allow people who offer to fix you up, to do so. A seamstress I went to for alterations, talked about another client. She told him about me. We started going out and clicked. He took a job out of town and it was a hard decision not to follow. My dentist fixed me up with his son. We did not click romantically, but had had great times as friends. Point is, friends know both of you and that you two could be a good match.

My parish priest in London gave me this tip which he gives to other singles. The newspaper he recommends vets the people placing notices in the seeking dates section. He has seen some great results and feels this is a reliable way to meet others. Also, some churches have singles’ gatherings which are fun and a low-pressure way to connect with possible new partners. My friend met her second husband this way at her Anglican Church. They were married for twenty years before he passed.

Be Patient

It takes time. Take advantage of opportunities to meet new people and widen your social circle. People whom you do not end up dating can become friends or helpful business contacts. They may have a friend who is just right for you. Dating is an adventure. There are good times and some so awful that they make funny stories to share when out with friends.

Coping with Divorce

Splitting Personal Property in Divorce

Published on June 22, 2026June 15, 2026

One of the most difficult aspects of divorce can be spitting assets. This can be quite emotional, particularly when treasured items were given to you both as a couple. Over the years. people have shared what works and their biggest regrets.

Marital Home

This is tricky – whether one stays and buys the other out, or the place is sold. A concern can be to have less upheaval for children and let them remain in the marital home with one parent. This can backfire in an acrimonious break-up.

An example of this is Annabel’s situation. Her husband wanted to remain in the marital home with the two teens. Although her intuition screamed it was a bad idea, she agreed. The kids came home from various after school activities and did not want to leave the house and have dinner with her. The daughter refused visitation, claiming she was too tired. The son ended up going on some weekends and has a good relationship with his mum.

Annabel found out later in family counselling that John was telling the daughter in particular, “Your mum left us. She wants a new life.” Her brother blew it off and her daughter believed that they had been abandoned. If they had both relocated some of this drama could have been avoided. In a friendly divorce, it may not matter about the marital home as it does in a contentious one.

Joint presents

When given presents as a couple, divide up property by who gave them. His side or hers when both want the same item. For example, my mum gave us a Waterford chandelier and two light fixtures. My former husband claimed we needed to divide them up between us. She had to put in writing for the solicitors that all three were to be given to me.

When dividing wedding gifts, I kept things from my side. I separated gifts from his friends and family so he could get those. It is trickier when joint gift money was spent on a painting etc. What some couples do is make a list. What is most important to them and what can they live without. Also, when there are similar items, each person gets one. This works better when they are able to negotiate.

Pick your battles

Division may not seem fair with personal property. In one case, the wife gave expensive collectible coins on various gift-giving occasions, He gave her thoughtful presents in return, many of which were cat or travel themed. They were much appreciated. In the divorce it turned nasty. Seth had a treasure trove he could sell and Pippa did not. Pippa had a decision to make. Should she pursue the disparity between these gifts or let this slide and go after bigger assets. Pippa opted to go after the more important ones, such as stock and splitting his retirement pension. Since John felt he got away with keeping all the old coins he was calmer, when the more important issues came up.

What you brought into the marriage you can take. This is true even if the value is quite different. If you brought in the designer goods then they are yours.

During our divorce my husband’s solicitor told me this. “If both parties are unhappy, then I know the division of property was fair. If one person is very happy, then it wasn’t.”

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

About Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again.  https://globalguidetodivorce.com  She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.

She writes a children’s book series with the latest, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London. Also The Adventures Of Margo, Girl Detective.w

Moving On/Your Emotions

Tips on How to Start Dating Post-Divorce – A New Beginning

Published on January 30, 2026January 28, 2026

It can be hard hopping into the dating game again after divorce. Rules change after a long hiatus and social media is more

prevalent now. Online dating web sites are numerous. There are so many choices how to meet potential dates and it can be daunting where to start. Think about going on dates as fun or an adventure. There may or may not be sparks. You might end up with a new friend or your next life partner.

Do an assessment of your dating goals

To get into a serious relationship?

To mainly have companionship?

Romance? Sex?

There can be an issue when one person is seeking their next life partner and the other wants a casual experience or hookup.

How to get started

Put yourself in a situation where you can meet people particularly other singles. For example, after my divorce I started going to karaoke. It is fun and does not require a great voice. After a while, I met a guy there and we have been together for three years. Two other couples met at karaoke as well. As a writer, I like being surrounded by other creative types. I sit at a community table in a lively coffee shop and conversations usually start among the people. Several times chatting to the person next to me led to ideas for an article.

Go out in groups with your friends, neighbours, co-workers etc.

In a group setting, you can meet a variety of people and not have the to carry a conversation when feeling nervous. I was at a Divorce Club meeting in a London pub and connected with the woman beside to me. We have been good friends for years.

Attend work gatherings. Two co-workers were friends for over a year. Once they were in a group setting away from the job environment {a hospital} sparks started and turned into a huge flame. They saw each other in a different light and later got married.

Other ways to meet people in group settings in through MeetUp.com A divorced friend met her new guy in a hiking one. They chatted casually for awhile before realizing that they want to be together. Other opportunities are volunteering or joining the singles groups in churches or synagogues.

Check on your body language

Are your arms tightly folded across your chest? This means stay away. Do you avoid eye contact? Do you look away when someone approaches you? This type of body language can be misinterpreted as a lack of interest instead of shyness. Are you smiling? Frowning is a road block to connections.

Talk to people around you

Ask the barista a few questions. When someone sees how easily it would be to have a conversation with you, then they will too. Friendly people are approachable. I met a charming guy in a coffee shop this way and we went out for a year before he relocated. You may not feel in a festive mood post-divorce. If friends want you to go to a party with, consider doing that. One nurse who had a bad break-up went to a Halloween fancy dress party. She met her future husband at that gathering.

Be open

Sometimes when you are not looking for someone, is when they pop into your life. Go out and enjoy yourself. The important aspect to moving on is to put yourself in situations where opportunities may arise.

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

About Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. https://globalguidetodivorce.com She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.

She writes a children’s book series with the latest, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London. Also The Adventures Of Margo, Girl Detective.

Coping with Divorce/Your Emotions

Dealing With New Year’s During and Post-Divorce

Published on December 30, 2025December 19, 2025

One may get through the Christmas season with all the parties and business gatherings. Going solo is fine. Holiday decorations and rituals can temporarily distract us from divorce proceedings. Families surround us and can be supportive during this difficult time. The world is lit up by a magnitude of lights and the festive mood is contagious. You might congratulate yourself for making it through the holiday season with your sanity intact.

What may hit you hard is New Year’s Eve and Day. The glittering lights start coming down, making the world a darker place. Things are quieter. New Year’s Eve like Valentine’s Day, is geared toward couples. They kiss at midnight and usher in the coming year. Restaurants often have packages aimed at twosomes.

Think about how you are feeling

Do you want to be social and around others? Ask your friends what they are doing. They may not have thought of asking you to join them when you are newly single. One friend threw a big party and there were plenty of other singles as guests. If friends are busy on the Eve, then meeting on New Year’s Day may work.

Find out what your relatives are doing. They may be getting together for dinner and watching global festivities on the telly. You can offer to babysit nieces and nephews or friends’ children. Soon after my divorce I watched an acquaintance’s seven-year-old niece. We did crafts, improv acting and more. I got paid a lot that New Year’s Eve to have fun.

Or are you feeling melancholy and want to stay home? You can tell well-meaning friends that you already have plans. Then curl up with an exciting book. You may be used to living with someone and now they are gone with divorce. Your flat feels empty. If you do not have children, consider adopting a pet. This is companionship when it seems like the rest of the world is out partying. If not ready to make a long-term commitment, consider fostering a cat or dog. Having my cats around me on the couch while watching New Year’s Eve gatherings on television ensures a more pleasurable night. Eating a delectable treat adds to the enjoyment.

What helps some divorced people is to go away over the holidays. I took my sons on a cruise. We celebrated New Year’s Eve sailing around Australia. A friend spent her New Years in India with others in her tour group.

Divorce brings the opportunity to start new traditions

My sons and I skip doing a big meal on New Year’s Day as we did in the past. Instead, we enjoy lunch at a café and then go to the cinema to catch a film. Other divorced friends spend New Year’s Day outside such as skiing. Think of fun activities which you enjoy.

Introspection

This is the time to reflect on what you want to do in the new year. How are you coping? Do you need to change some strategies? How do you want to celebrate holidays? Are you feeling lonely? I was feeling lonely around New Year’s Eve during my divorce. Then I thought about my last several ones while still married. Being in an unhappy marriage was worse than celebrating New Year’s Eve when single. A jolt of realization struck me. I do not have to feel lonely I can do what I want and be with upbeat people.

Others have reflected and feel that the holidays are only a few days to get through. They keep normal routines. Do what feels best to you without any guilt. Be by yourself. Be with others. Volunteer. Get in touch with your feelings and go from there.

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

About Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. https://globalguidetodivorce.com She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.

She writes a children’s book series with the latest, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London. Also The Adventures Of Margo, Girl Detective.

Moving On

Making New Friends Post-Divorce

Published on April 23, 2025April 22, 2025

Divorce brings many changes and one major one is with friendships. One can lose friends (or those you thought were friends). Bringing new individuals into your life takes energy when yours may be at a low point.

It is tricky when most friends were initially were met through a spouse. Or you met other couples when married and socialised as a unit, not individually. Couples may not want to take sides, so the invitations cease. This is what happened to me. This situation forced me to get out and find my own tribe.

If you are in introvert, consider joining clubs. Select ones where you interact at your own pace. A travel one has speakers and slide shows. One can be a loner, yet be around others. For deeper connections, I joined a Girlfriends Lunch Club on MeetUp.com. Many were going or had gone through divorce, so there were tips and support along with laughter and fun. This camaraderie is supportive through life stages.

Go to the same places where you become a regular. Take your laptop to one with a community table. You get work done and can chat with individuals who are interesting. Interacting with the same people over time builds relationships.

Several newer friends who are now close ones, were customers where I used to work. We chatted regularly, then started going out for coffee. We clicked. Relationships like these, often happen organically. After seeing the same people over and over, take the plunge and plan a get-together. My manager on the job did this post-divorce, and met the love of his life. Good things happen.

When I was a trauma nurse at a large hospital, my co-workers and I went out several times a week to reduce our stress. We became good friends. Perhaps there are colleagues which you could get to know a bit better.

Have you let a few relationships slip by which you could rekindle? Your college roommate? Friends pre-marriage? Technology and social media make it relatively easy it to reunite with these former pals. College alumni directories are another source to help one get in touch with old friends.

Look at your current situation and see where connections can be made. If you are a parent of school age children, meeting other ones can lead to forming bonds. Several friends made lasting bonds with other parents, and now a decade later, are going through Empty Nest together. I volunteered for school events and met other parents that way.

It is fine to take baby steps when looking for new relationships. Take advantage of opportunities which come your way to deepen ties with casual acquaintances. Some can become close friends. Accept invitations to go out. Do not take it personally if someone chooses not to get to know you better. They are dealing with their own issues. Be patient. It takes time for a garden to grow, just as it does with friendships.

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce. https://globalguidetodivorce.com

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.

Coping with Divorce/Moving On

To Live Together or Apart?

Published on January 22, 2025January 21, 2025

After divorce, when moving on, there are pros and cons to living together. Would domestic drama drive a wedge in your relationship or are you in sync – both morning larks or night owls? When newly in love after divorce, little things slip by which can be a deal breaker down the road. It is easy to be caught up in the passion of a new love. Take a pause. Consider practicalities. What is important to each of you? Here is a check list.

Amount of alone time daily
Need for quiet (such as for meditation) at a particular time of day?
Need for loud music, such as when exercising or running inside
Entertaining styles. Having people over at home vs meeting friends out
How often to have relatives visit
Pets
Neatness
Splitting chores, tasks
Splitting bills, financial issues

A question is whether to move into one of your places or to find a new one together. Some want to start their lives in a new place which does not hold memories of the past. They decorate together, mixing both of their possessions harmoniously.

Logistics can play a part in a decision. If one person wants to stay near elderly parents and the other wants to be by their work, then compromise. It does not have to one or the other. Do both. Stay in each other’s homes frequently, and meet in the middle occasionally for a dirty weekend. The important thing is to have quality time with each other, not necessarily day-to-day.

Anticipation is important, which happens more when living apart. Planning trysts when living separately adds spice to a relationship. It is easier to look glamorous when not living in the same place.

Others who have compatible life styles may enjoy living together. They cook, take on house projects, plan gardens and grow closer with common interests. It is nice to have built in companionship. Someone to binge watch a series with, or pop into a coffee shop or pub on the spur of the moment. Couples have said they enjoy living together and spending more time at home.

Couples have chosen not to live together so family and relatives can drop in whenever. They don’t have to plan ahead and get their partner’s okay. When having clients come to your home for treatments or care, it can get complicated if your partner is present. Several couples who choose not to live together take trips. They experience intense 24-hours a day intimacy – snuggling at night, waking up together etc. Then they go back to their own homes until their next travel adventure.

A couple in London dated two years before they moved in together. Issues that were okay before, blew up when co-habituating. He is frugal and they had taken turns paying on dates. When living together, he scrutinised every bill and expense. It was a struggle to get reimbursed. She began keeping score: who cooked, cleaned more etc. The romance got stifled with domestic issues. Their sex took a nose dive.

Have good, honest communication when deciding whether or not to cohabitate. People crave different levels of alone time. An introvert may not want a lover around 24/7, while an extrovert enjoys the company. If you want to live together and not drive each other crazy, is there an area in your house where you can retreat? Some couples are able to cohabitate when they have separate bedrooms. They have different bedtimes or sleep issues such as snoring.

Be creative and willing to compromise. Respect boundaries and do not allow yourself to be pushed into a situation which is not comfortable.

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce. https://globalguidetodivorce.com

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.

Coping with Divorce/Well-being/Your Emotions

Men’s Groups During Divorce and Beyond

Published on October 9, 2024September 27, 2024

Divorce can be a lonely time. You may have gone out as a couple and are at loose ends how to pick up your life without your social director (spouse). It can be especially challenging how to meet other guys when introverted. Or you may not feel comfortable sharing your fears and concerns with co-workers. etc. It’s easy to feel you are alone and not realise many other men are also going through transitions such as divorce. What is the remedy? Join a men’s group or club.

Ways to connect with others

What sport did you enjoy in the past? Get back into rugby or whatever and have fun while making connections. Sometimes after playing, there is social time at a pub.

Check with your local church, synagogue or mosque to see what men’s group is available. For example, Rothley Church Men’s Group in Leicester (RCMG ) has The Men’s Breakfast Club, and various events such as a walk in nature. Their Monday night men’s meetings have lively conversation with guest speakers. Their aim is “to offer the opportunity to all men to meet in fellowship: sharing and learning from life’s experiences….”

Men’s Groups

Groups vary in different ways. Some are social and others more like group therapy. In all, you will meet people and possibly make new friends. The websites show the nuances between them. The rule of confidentiality is common for all. What is said in the room stays in the room. Men’s groups provide a safe space for sharing concerns and problems. They are non-judgmental. You learn from others what has worked and what did not. The men’s groups listed are suggestions to get you started.

Men’s Support Group – London – Meetup ‘discuss mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and other challenges providing a supportive and non-judgmental environment for men to share their experiences, thoughts, and feelings. The aim is to create a sense of community and connection among men who may be struggling with similar issues. “

MenSpeak Men’s Groups (In-person & Online) – Meetup “are facilitated, not lead, and our spaces are non-hierarchical and non-clinical. We meet the needs of the men present and follow wherever the conversation naturally takes us. There isn’t a right or wrong way of doing things. This group is more conversational than group therapy. “

Men’s Circles ~ London ~ in Person ~ Man Academy – Meetup purpose is to “authentically connect with men, on a deep level and develop a sense of brotherhood. To decompress, debrief and take the edge off. Learn tools to move forward in life. These small groups have a maximum of eight members which ensure men get to know and trust each other.”

The ManKind Project UK and Ireland helps men get support from each other to go deeply into their issues, and gain clarity. Mankind Project is “A global network of free peer-facilitated men’s groups and supports men in leading lives of integrity, authenticity, and service.” It is structured and not a venue for casual conversation. Its foundation is based upon Jungian principles. Some men are not comfortable with this structure which is like group therapy, and other men like it.

Connecting with others helps the divorce process to be less stressful. You realise others are on the same journey.

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce. https://globalguidetodivorce.com

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.

Your Emotions

Trust Your Intuition in Divorce

Published on October 4, 2024September 27, 2024

During divorce proceedings, listen to your gut instinct It can steer you in the right direction. When something seems a bit off, go with your feelings rather than trying to rationalise what your intuition is telling you. When a negotiation appears to be acceptable, yet does not seem quite right, take a pause. Say you require more time. Then get in touch with your gut feelings.

What is intuition?

The Max Planck Institute in Berlin states that intuition is a “form of unconscious intelligence.” It is derived from the Latin verb intueri which means to look inside. When feeling caught in a whirlwind of emotions, it is challenging to get in touch with your intuition. Thoughts are rapidly swirling around in your brain nonstop. Is there a message persistently trying to grab your attention? Stop and listen to it. Meditation helps many to calm their minds and be in a more receptive state. Do not try and rationalise your feeling.

HeartMath Institute describes three types of intuition. The nonlocal one is “knowledge or a sense of something that cannot be explained by past or forgotten knowledge.” You receive information intuitively of the best course of action to take. Listen without trying to analyse it. When discussing various options during divorce, pause and get in touch with your feelings. Ask for a break when feeling uncomfortable or being pushed into something. What is your gut instinct saying? HeartMath talks about the “interconnectedness of everything in the universe.” An example is when a person has a sudden realisation that an individual in a distant locale has died. This knowledge cannot be explained.

Do not argue with gut instinct

Listening to my instinct during my divorce saved me over £30,000. I got the feeling to go to a grocery store where I do not shop. Then stand in front of the milk. That was ludicrous. My gut feeling seemed totally bonkers. Eventually I gave in and did that. The key person for divorce finances had decided to buy milk at that time. My mum, husband and I had put money into buying our marital home. My mum lost the papers and the bank had been sold. I was told that I would have to give my husband 1/3 of the house value. The banker who handled this transaction a decade earlier, had remembered it and said my mother paid more and I only owed 1/6 to my husband. I promptly called my solicitor’s office and put this woman on the line. When I stopped judging the message, I was able to act on it.

In another case, a friend did not listen to a strong gut feeling and that later caused a problem with co-parenting. Anita felt the marital home should be sold and each of them buy a new residence. She let her husband buy her out. Instead of the teens going to two new places, they mainly stayed in their familiar rooms in the marital home after their activities. The son had visits with his mother, the daughter did not. She wanted to stay in her room and not go out. The father kept saying how Anita had left them and moved out. Two new places would have made the false claim of abandonment unrealistic. The son was able to see through it, but not her daughter. The girl still refuses to be in contact with Anita. Stand your ground and listen to your gut feeling even if you do not understand it.

Whether you feel a prick of danger walking down a deserted street or when negotiating maintenance in a solicitor’s office, be aware of your gut instinct. Your intuition has your best interest at heart.

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce. https://globalguidetodivorce.com

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.

Coping with Divorce/Moving On/Well-being/Your Emotions

Tips on Boosting Confidence During a Divorce

Published on May 31, 2024May 29, 2024

One’s confidence level can dip during divorce. We may feel less self-assured or are fixed in one spot, not sure which way to move. Proceedings are stressful and leave us questioning ourselves. There are steps to take which can boost confidence.

Do a self-analysis

In what areas do you feel could use improving? Think about where you excel, such as on the job, connecting with others, etc. Your talents and abilities, may have brought accolades, such as when winning a contest for writing or artwork. A person may have a magnificent voice which is central to their choir. One may be surprised at how many areas of confidence outweigh what scares them. People sometimes focus on the negatives instead of the positives and feel that they lack confidence in general, rather than in a few specific aspects of their lives.

Fix your weaker areas

Learning new skills, is a way to fix the areas which are weak and lacking in confidence. Building confidence is like building up a muscle when lifting weights – it benefits the whole person and not just one part. Take a computer class if feeling wobbly about IT on the job. Some people have stated they feel awkward trying to make small talk. Small talk is a way to connect with others and is important socially as well as in one’s career. Joining groups with a purpose, such as hiking, photography, chess, books etc. makes conversations easier. The trick is to discover a specific step you can take, as people did in this example, to increase your confidence.

Follow dreams and passions

Divorced people have gained confidence doing mountain climbing, running marathons or doing treks. They got out in nature and were surprised at the feats they accomplished. This sense of achievement spilled over into other parts of their lives, boosting confidence. An animal-loving friend opened up a sanctuary. She had been a bit unsure of herself after her divorce from Hell. Running this animal sanctuary pumped up her confidence and she began to explore what else she could do.

Share your expertise by tutoring, coaching or volunteering

Volunteering takes the focus off you and perceived inadequacies. People mentoring kids failing in school or had families in turmoil, said watching them blossom into young adults positively affected how they felt about themselves. Making a difference in the world takes one outside of themselves and boosts self-confidence. Seeing individuals become successful and win due to your coaching, is rewarding as well as a confidence booster.

Lack of confidence can be tied to how we think others are judging us. Eleanor Roosevelt said “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realised how seldom they do.” If there is a CD in your brain spewing negative comments about you, then replace it. Mistakes are a way to learn how to do something better, as Henry Ford and Thomas Edison have stated.

Start small with baby steps. Get out of your comfort zone and try new things. It is okay to treat yourself when working on building up confidence. I had no confidence in public speaking and needed to do this in a new job post-divorce. I joined Toastmasters to learn this public speaking skill and pump up my confidence. What helped get me going at first was treating myself to lattes with friends after these meetings. I gained confidence and love getting in front of an audience. When working on an area of low confidence, you may be surprised at what doors open to you.

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce. https://globalguidetodivorce.com

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.

Coping with Divorce/Moving On/Well-being/Your Emotions

New Beginnings with Divorce

Published on May 13, 2024May 13, 2024

Divorce can be a catalyst for starting a new life – a chance to discover new interests and rediscover talents. Passions may have gotten put aside or buried in a turbulent marriage or divorce. Dust off the clarinet. Dig out your paint brushes. Get in touch with what you want to do with this new chapter in life. For example, one recently divorced woman got back into her hobby of pottery. Now her lovely pieces are sold in various venues. Another person had dabbled in painting as a young adult. Post-divorce, she made this her full-time profession. She is so happy and claims she owes this career change to her divorce.

Time to put yourself first

You may have put other people before you. Take care of yourself and do what you want to do. This means saying “No” to requests of your time and energy. No explanations are required. When you are over extended, you have less energy and your health can be affected. The stress of the divorce process is compounded when trying to live up to other’s expectations and doing too much. Nurture yourself during proceedings. Set limits on your time in regards to helping others. It is harder to make a new beginning when bogged down with too many unnecessary obligations.

Take baby steps with change

Think about what you enjoyed in the past. What gives you pleasure now? How can you incorporate them into your life? Start by adding them into your schedule, the same as you do for appointments and work commitments. Put at least one fun or pampering activity in your calendar daily. Nurturing yourself helps lower your stress hormones, which makes it easier to try new endeavours .

Be open to opportunities

Consider taking a class which will benefit you professionally or personally. This can help initiate a new career path or different job. I took the opportunity to join Toastmasters when running into some of the members unexpectedly. This opened up doors to speaking internationally in fun locations. Try new things when you have the opportunity. You broaden yourself and do not have to stick with anything for life. A friend offered me her drum set after my divorce. I took her up on it, and discovered a new passion. Take advantage of what comes your way.

A change of environment

Sometimes after an acrimonious divorce, moving away is what is needed to start over. Going back to the same cafés etc. where you went as a couple, can keep you rooted in the past. A friend and his wife moved to a small town from London. After several years there, they divorced. Dylan felt that he could not escape her. Going to familiar places were a trigger for feeling her energy and not breaking free. He wanted a new life. Only when Dylan relocated and began a relationship with a lovely woman, was he able to start a new chapter in life. New surroundings can be freeing from the past.

Break Free

Ask yourself what seems to be your stumbling block from having a new beginning. Even if something sounds bonkers, think about it. One man interviewed, said that his hair was a history to his past. After a horrible break up, he had all his hair cut off. He regrew it and feels no ties to his past and is living a new chapter. Do what it takes so you start anew. Some people have changed their names post-divorce, not just the surname. Others have started new lives by going to retreats or an ashram. Travelling internationally and mingling with other cultures broadens one world and view point. This is what helped me have a new beginning and career. Think about what excites you and go for it!

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce. https://globalguidetodivorce.com

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.

Coping with Divorce

Travelling During and Post-Divorce

Published on February 28, 2024May 24, 2024

Solo travelling during and post-divorce can be daunting when used to having a spouse as a built-in travel partner. Flight delays and other travel issues can seem more stressful when no longer going on holiday as a duo. There are ways to have a travel adventure and not have to do it alone.

Themed Sola Holidays

What can make solo travel more pleasant is when it is centred around a particular activity. There are cooking trips to Italy and photo safaris in Africa. You meet people with a common interest and it is easy to connect with each other. Solo travellers go to destinations such as a yoga retreat or an ashram. Some of these have a community table for meals where individuals can meet others and share their experiences.

Adventure trips are an option. There are a multitude of global destinations for these types of trips. A single woman enjoyed a bicycle trip through South Africa and the group was mostly comprised of solos. A man went on a motorcycle trip in Asia and is planning more. There are hikes on the Inca trail in Peru, trekking in Nepal and other exotic places. Or sign up for a hike near home, such as Hadrian’s Wall.

Group Tours

You do not have to make the arrangements. When plans go awry, the group leader makes new arrangements. There usually are other singles or friendly couples. When considering various companies, ask what is the average percentage of singles on their tours. For example, post-divorce when I took my sons to India with SmarTours, one-third of the group were single travellers. The tour guide said this was the norm. We all interacted and had fun.

There are travel companies which are a good fit for singles. Exodus Adventure Travel, One Traveller, Friendship Travel and Justyou.co.uk. have tours for solo travellers. Check and see what is the size of the group. Also, if there is a single supplement. I got an email about a great deal from a river cruise company whom I travelled with previously. The price was offset with an 85% single supplement charge. That is almost paying for another person. Luckily, I found a friend to go on this holiday with me. Some tour operators can match you up with another single same-sex traveller to avoid the single supplement charge.

Going It Alone

What has worked for people is to choose a destination with plenty to do. Paris for example has many museums, lovely parks and boulevards. A popular pastime is to people-watch from a café wherever your holiday is. When you pick a lovely location, you can be as busy or relaxed as you choose. There are day or several-hour tours which give a chance to interact with others. Going to local fairs and events gives the opportunity to connect with locals.

Volunteering

Another way to have an adventure plus give back to others is by volunteering with global organizations, such as Earth Watch and Global Work and Travel. You pick a destination and type of volunteer opportunity which is interesting from a large list. This type of travel can boost mood and self-esteem when going through a contentious divorce.

Travel tips

When searching online consider using “incognito”. Cookies are not saved when searching for hotels, etc. A travel site may give a great price for a room or whatever. When you go back later to book it, the site sees you have visited it before and raises the price. Incognito allows you to go back and get the same initial price.

Before leaving on your holiday, check out walks with locals. A local citizen at your destination meets you at a specified point and shows you around their city. This is a good way to learn about a place and see it through a native’s eyes. Other types of walking tours can be prebooked, such as food ones, ghost ones, etc. Getting out of town is a way to rejuvenate yourself and get a different perspective. Bon Voyage!

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce. https://globalguidetodivorce.com

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children

Moving On

How to Fall In Love Again After Divorce

Published on July 5, 2023July 3, 2023

After divorce, one may not feel it is possible to find love again. When a spouse ends the marriage, it can leave the other feeling unlovable. Love can strike in unexpected places or in strange situations. Love can sneak in as a whisper or like a bolt of lightning.

The way to find love is to be open to it and be ready. Ask your friends how you come across. After my divorce, friends said I was closed off and that was keeping guys away. You may not realise you are putting up a barrier to meeting potential dates. Work on any emotional baggage which is keeping you from moving on to a happier life.

People interviewed, stated that “Love just happens.” Some said “You just fall into it.” When trying too hard to attract someone, that can come across as too needy. Others can sense the desperation of a person feeling they have to be part of a couple. People pick up on another’s energy which can be inviting or off-putting. Be aware of your appearance which can be either a turn-off or a turn-on

Be your natural self, which is what attracts people in the first place. Be authentic and not pretending to be someone you are not. Several women presented themselves as liking outdoor activities such as skiing and long hikes. This caused some break ups when they did not want to hit the slopes or trails. A false façade hurts a new relationship. These women pretended to like things they were not interested in to get guys. They were surprised when those fake interests were what the men mainly wanted to do.

How to meet that special someone

Go to venues where people mix, such as festivals, street fairs, bands playing outside and so forth. Conversation flows more easily among strangers at events. One woman talked to a guy ahead of her in a slow-moving queue at a Greek food celebration. They started dating and later got engaged. Take advantage of opportunities to connect with others.

Go to activities you enjoy and talk to the others there. Several couples, one now married, met at karaoke. They continue this shared interest, often singing duets. Join groups for what you like to do. MeetUp.com has special themed ones, such as hiking, cooking, book clubs, travel and many more. You will have common territory as a foundation for a new relationship. It is fun to find someone who shares what you like to do and this can lead to romance.

Enlarge your network

Let friends and co-workers know you are ready date again. I met a fun guy on a blind date. A girlfriend thought we could have a good time together and she was right. If a blind date is not your thing, then an informal gathering can allow you to meet others in a relaxed atmosphere. Less pressure than a one-on-one encounter. Professional conferences are a way to meet others in your field where you have a common interest to build upon. On the job, it can be tricky to date someone you are falling in love with, due to policies. On the trauma unit where I was a nurse, quite a few of us married medical personnel.

Getting ready

Get feedback about your appearance. Perhaps it needs tweaking or updating. When you look good, you feel good. Make eye contact and return smiles. An obvious mistake individuals make, is wearing a ring on their wedding ring finger. A flash of silver or gold when single, can keep someone from pursuing you. Be open to talking to people and be friendly. Love often happens unexpectedly.

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

About Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.

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