Dating Coach
Author of the Global Guide to Divorce
One of the most difficult aspects of divorce can be spitting assets. This can be quite emotional, particularly when treasured items were given to you both as a couple. Over the years. people have shared what works and their biggest regrets.
Marital Home
This is tricky – whether one stays and buys the other out, or the place is sold. A concern can be to have less upheaval for children and let them remain in the marital home with one parent. This can backfire in an acrimonious break-up.
An example of this is Annabel’s situation. Her husband wanted to remain in the marital home with the two teens. Although her intuition screamed it was a bad idea, she agreed. The kids came home from various after school activities and did not want to leave the house and have dinner with her. The daughter refused visitation, claiming she was too tired. The son ended up going on some weekends and has a good relationship with his mum.
Annabel found out later in family counselling that John was telling the daughter in particular, “Your mum left us. She wants a new life.” Her brother blew it off and her daughter believed that they had been abandoned. If they had both relocated some of this drama could have been avoided. In a friendly divorce, it may not matter about the marital home as it does in a contentious one.
Joint presents
When given presents as a couple, divide up property by who gave them. His side or hers when both want the same item. For example, my mum gave us a Waterford chandelier and two light fixtures. My former husband claimed we needed to divide them up between us. She had to put in writing for the solicitors that all three were to be given to me.
When dividing wedding gifts, I kept things from my side. I separated gifts from his friends and family so he could get those. It is trickier when joint gift money was spent on a painting etc. What some couples do is make a list. What is most important to them and what can they live without. Also, when there are similar items, each person gets one. This works better when they are able to negotiate.
Pick your battles
Division may not seem fair with personal property. In one case, the wife gave expensive collectible coins on various gift-giving occasions, He gave her thoughtful presents in return, many of which were cat or travel themed. They were much appreciated. In the divorce it turned nasty. Seth had a treasure trove he could sell and Pippa did not. Pippa had a decision to make. Should she pursue the disparity between these gifts or let this slide and go after bigger assets. Pippa opted to go after the more important ones, such as stock and splitting his retirement pension. Since John felt he got away with keeping all the old coins he was calmer, when the more important issues came up.
What you brought into the marriage you can take. This is true even if the value is quite different. If you brought in the designer goods then they are yours.
During our divorce my husband’s solicitor told me this. “If both parties are unhappy, then I know the division of property was fair. If one person is very happy, then it wasn’t.”
Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.
About Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. https://globalguidetodivorce.com She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.
She writes a children’s book series with the latest, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London. Also The Adventures Of Margo, Girl Detective.w