Founder of The Divorce Magazine and Child Trauma Therapist
I think most of us will agree that conflict, arguments, disagreements or whatever you want to call them, are indeed part of “normal” life in a home, however, conflict becomes an issue when children are exposed to it on a regular basis and where it involves both verbal abuse and physical violence.
One line I always recall hearing during my training in working with children of trauma is:
A child old enough to laugh, is old enough to experience trauma.
So for those parents who think a child is too young to understand what is happening you maybe seeking to protect yourselves, rather than the child.
Is it possible that it’s easier to think this way than actually deal with the issues at hand?
Keep in mind two things:
- You are not your child’s only influence so you’d better be the best
- A child who is exposed to violence changes who they are
If you’re engaged in a high conflict divorce then here are some things you could do in the hope of protecting your children:
- Only communicate through a third party if necessary. One lady I heard off, got someone to read through emails from her ex. This reader person would then relate back to her what had been requested in his mail omitting any unnecessary points that had been raised only for point scoring purposes.
- There are, fortunately, a million ways to communicate nowadays, email, text, whatsapp, mediation, solicitors (and
no they are not all bad), letters and the list continues. If you don’t want to see one another, you really don’t have to.
- Just don’t slag your ex in front of the children, totally unnecessary. No one gains, not even you. The children might listen to you now and agree with you but in later years, it will come back to haunt you. Trust me.
- Get a mutual/public place to meet for the transitions between homes. If the children are old enough, school’s always a good place.
- Get you own adult sounding board. Your children don’t need to hear, know or be part of your arguments.
- Don’t involve your children in adult issues. You know what those issues are but your children don’t need to. Protect their innocence as much and for as long as you can.
If in doubt do speak with someone, your children will be very grateful for that, if not now, later.
Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce
She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.
Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator
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Family Law Partner at Burlingtons Legal
What is meant by leave to remove : how do such situations arise?
I am often asked to advise where one parent (nearly always the children’s mother) wants to move to another country with the children of the family, after the breakdown of her marriage/ relationship with the other parent.
She may wish to return to her country of origin, where she will have the practical and emotional support of her family and friends; she may have a new partner or spouse who comes from another country, or has a new job opportunity in another country and wants to join her new partner in that new country; or she may wish to move abroad to take up a better job opportunity for herself there.
There are also cases where a mother wishes to move to another country with which she has no close connection but which she feels will offer a better quality of life, or better life chances for herself and her children than where she is currently living.
It is generally felt by lawyers that it is more difficult to obtain permission to relocate abroad in the latter, “lifestyle”, type of cases.
When the other parent wishes to remain in the UK and does not agree to the children relocating abroad, the dispute between the parents can cause enormous distress and anguish to all involved – the two parents, their children and their wider circle of family members and close friends – all of whom will be affected by the outcome.
When the parents are unable to agree about whether or not the children should move to live permanently in another country, the court will have to determine what should happen. This is known as “leave to remove”.
The Current Law and Guidance on Leave to Remove:
No parent may remove a child permanently from the UK without the written consent of the other parent (and/or any other person who has legal parental responsibility for the child) or the leave (permission) of the court.
This is so even if the other parent does not have parental responsibility (which all mothers have automatically and most fathers also have) for the child because interference with a parent’s “rights of custody”(which need not include daily care and control of the child) will amount to child abduction, which is likely to result in an order for the summary return of the child to the UK under the Hague Convention on Child Abduction 1980 and will usually also be a criminal offence.
Similarly, remaining in a foreign country with your children after the end of an agreed holiday will amount to a wrongful retention, which is also actionable under the Hague Convention 1980.
The important distinction between legal principle (which must be followed) and guidance (to help the Judge to decide the case but which is not binding on him/her) in leave to remove cases:
There is only one legal principle applicable in relocation cases: that the welfare of the individual child concerned is the court’s paramount consideration (“the Welfare Principle”).
The court must carry out a global holistic evaluation of the welfare of each child by reference to specific factors set out in the Children Act 1989 (known as ” the Welfare Checklist”), involving an analysis of all the welfare options, followed by evaluation of the positives and negatives of each option.
All the options put forward by the relocating parent (nearly always the children’s mother) must be weighed against the competing options of the other parent (nearly always the father). In particular there must always be an analysis of the potential benefits to each child of the relocation to the new country measured against the erosion in the quality of the children’s relationship with the parent who will be left behind in the event of the relocation.
The Welfare Checklist factors are as follows:
- the child’s wishes and feelings (of increasing importance with the child’s increasing age and maturity);
- the child’s physical, emotional and educational needs;
- the likely effect on each child of any change in his circumstances;
- the child’s age, sex, background and any relevant characteristics;
- any harm the child has suffered or is at risk of suffering;
- how capable each of the parents are in meeting each child’s needs; and
- the range of powers available to the court in the proceedings.
Different weight will be attached to the different Checklist factors, depending on the particular circumstances of the case.
Judicial guidance from previous Court of Appeal decisions, including Payne v. Payne in 2001, is still relevant to help judges identify the most important factors to be taken into account in deciding the welfare question, the weight to be attached to them and to promote judicial consistency in decision-making, but not so as to dictate a particular outcome to the case.
Each case must be decided on its own particular facts and the judge hearing each case is entitled to decide the extent to which the Payne guidance assists him or her.
The court’s emphasis on the importance of “the emotional and psychological well-being of the primary carer” in Payne, as interpreted in subsequent cases up until 2011 meant that a primary carer (mother’s) application for leave to remove would usually succeed unless her relocation plans were ill thought out and/or or she was motivated by the desire to obstruct the children’s relationship with their father.
Now, no assumptions are to be made in favour of a parent seeking to relocate the children abroad and consequently the left behind parent is more likely to be successful in opposing the relocation than used to be the case.
The outcome of applications for leave to remove tend to be much more finely balanced and difficult to predict than before, which underlines the importance for parents obtaining expert specialised legal advice in relation to international relocation cases.
About Maeve
Maeve O’Higgins, Family Law Partner at Burlingtons, solicitors in London
For more information and advice in individual cases about international leave to remove, you can contact me by email:
maeve.ohiggins@burlingtonslegal.com
(020) 7529 5420
Please visit our website on international/relocation of children leave to remove www.leavetoremove.info
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Divorce can a difficult and distressing time and for everyone involved.
One of the main aims is ensuring that each party receives a fair settlement, and that the same standard of living is maintained by all after separation.
In a high net worth divorce however, it is likely that there will be complex financial affairs, multiple businesses, investments, property, shares and other liquid and fixed assets.
It is a common scenario where one party has limited financial involvement in the marriage and has limited knowledge of what the marital assets are. This may provoke a spouse to misrepresent their financial situation in order to preserve their wealth, and may even be tempted to hide their assets.
A spouse hiding or understating assets can have significant effect on the other party as it could affect the distribution of wealth, alimony and child support awarded by the court. However this does not mean it is uncommon.
In most high value divorces, there is an international element and the use of offshore structures to hide property, shareholdings, trusts and bank is a frequent occurrence in the court room.
Other assets may be in the form of cash, real estate, vehicles, stocks, bonds, valuable art, jewellery and antiques, all of which may be in several different countries, with different banks or companies.
Taking this into account, it’s important to call upon experienced advisors during this process in order to locate these assets and ensure a fairer hearing and judgement for the other party.
One of the most effective solutions would be to retain an experienced investigative firm as they have experience in thoroughly reviewing public records and can connect the dots between corporate affiliations and structures, analyse tax havens and conduct beneficial ownership checks.
Often during a high value divorce, an asset search will need to be worldwide as a simple search in the United Kingdom will yield limited results.
A good divorce asset investigation should begin as early as possible, ideally once divorce proceedings have begun and there has been an initial disclosure on the Form E petition.
Both the parties are required to submit a Form E that summarises their financial situation – a declaration of all assets and incomes, details of income from all sources and possible expenses post-divorce, capital needs in the future to support themselves and children (if applicable), etc.
Upon review of this document each party should have a clear idea of any disparities and if assets are attempted to be hidden. Once this has been established, an investigative plan can be drawn up.
Using the Form E as the benchmark, the investigative team will examine the document to evaluate possible lines of enquiry. The investigative firm will conduct its own independent research by gathering data and making a comparison to discover any non-disclosure issues.
The process should look to identify an investigative plan by identifying any jurisdictions in which the partner has conducted business and where they have spent significant time. This should give the investigative team a map on which to base investigations and start their searches.
From then on they will work closely with the spouse and their legal team to structure the way the assets are introduced into the case and negotiate non-disclosure issues.
It is important that if you have concerns about hidden assets that you seek professional advice. Consider making contact with an investigative firm that have experience in tracing and locating hidden assets.
Locating assets in a divorce case is a time consuming process, but it can produce excellent results particularly if there is an international element. In my experience of working in this field on high level asset investigations, there is almost always an asset hidden.
Frank Morey is CEO of Virtus Risk Management and an experienced security risk management advisor with expertise in helping HNW individuals understand their exposure to risk and offering guidance on managing these risks effectively.
For the past six years, he has focused on better serving the security needs of the high net worth community through innovative service design and has developed a diverse base of expertise within various security disciplines that he integrates to deliver a holistic approach to security and risk
Frank has previously held senior management positions at Banham Security, acting as lead security advisor for their HNW client base and has managed a variety of security projects from planning through to implementation.
Prior to his career in the security industry, Frank served as a Royal Marine with 45 Commando where he was deployed on operational tours of Afghanistan, Iraq and Northern Ireland. During this time he developed a comprehensive knowledge of global security operations in austere environments, high professional standards and a strong sense of integrity and confidentiality.
Follow Virtus Risk Management on Twitter
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Parenting Therapist
Founding Editor
The Divorce Magazine
I have been wondering what to write now that father’s day is soon upon us here in the UK – a tricky time for divorced parents.
I wanted to write something that kindly said, “Helping children cope with divorce means giving them the gift of you two getting on as much as possible.”
I wanted to write something that pleaded, “Please don’t interrupt the relationship between your child and his/her father,” it’s not yours to disrupt because you no longer get on.
I am not talking about those father’s who have been abusive to their children because it is true, better to have no father (or mother for that matter) than an abusive one.
I wanted to write something that will put across some research that has been conducted over the years regarding children and their fathers and just how important they are to your child’s social, mental and emotional development.
I wanted to write something that will talk directly to the fathers and say, “Please don’t lose touch with your children. They need you so much. They need you now more than ever because the world as they knew it has changed since the divorce or separation. By keeping in touch you are helping children cope with divorce in a way no one else can but you.”
Fight for them and keep fighting because they need you. Don’t let your child become part of the statistics of children whose fathers disappeared following divorce or separation.
Finally, I wanted to write something that will say, fathers are important too – to their children – so this father’s day, help your child do something special for his/her father. Draw a card, make that phone call, or both, buy him something and have your child give it to him.
If it’s your weekend, your time with the children, how about you just step back, if only for a couple of hours and allow for them to have that day together – for your child’s sake, for your child’s well being.
Fathers are important too – very important indeed.
About Soila
Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce
She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the creator of the online course – Parenting after Separation
Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.
Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.
You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
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Parenting Therapist
Founding Editor
The Divorce Magazine
There are loads of things children of divorce need and don’t need when going through divorce but I’ll name just three of the main ones in this post.
If parents are able to follow just these three then it’s very likely that all else will fall into place and hence any chances of long or short term negative effects of divorce on children maybe reduced.
They are not easy to follow and neither is raising children while going through the divorce process but we need to do what we can to make sure that our children’s divorce experience isn’t one that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.
This experience can be one that they are able to live through and remember it as something that happened not as something that is still going on in their adult lives.
When raising children of divorce they need to be excluded from all adult matters. A dear friend of mine who works as a nurse in a primary school sees, first hand, the effects of divorce on children both in their behaviour and academic performance.
She has told the story of a boy who once spent most of the day in her office in tears and in self-isolation, as he waited to hear from his parents as to whether he was going to live with his mother or father.
He was only 7 years old and knew the ins and outs of the divorce process and all of the legal goings on between the parents.
Another mum explained how she was surprised when her daughter asked if “daddy had paid the money,” because she wanted to know if she will then be able to see him.
She hadn’t realised that her daughter was indeed paying great attention each time she said to her that daddy wasn’t paying her any money and so he didn’t deserve to spend time with her.
There are things that children don’t need to know. They don’t need to be involved in adult matters. Children of divorce need to be left to continue being children, as much as possible. And only you as the parents can do this for them.
You are your child’s trustee and that responsibility goes a long, long way including when you are filled with resentment towards the other parent – that’s when your parenting capablities are truly tested. Will you make the grade or are you the toxic parent?
The best gift you can give your child during and after the filing for divorce and the divorce process is over, is to get on with their other parent, for your child’s sake.
If you’re finding it hard to do, seek help, create a support system around you that can hold you up when things get rough. It’s probably going to be a long, hard slog but I promise you,for your child’s sake, it will be worth it.
Soila
Part 2 – click here and Part 3 here
Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce
She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.
Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.
Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.
You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
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Child Trauma Therapist and Founder of The Divorce Magazine
For part 1 (Raising Children of divorce – The need to be excluded from adult matters) and part 3 (Raising Children of divorce – The need both parents).
This is part 2 Raising Children of Divorce – Conflict Free Environment – where we talk about providing children of divorce with a conflict free environment.
Let’s keep it real though. Even in “happy” homes there will be moments and times where disagreements will happen. There will be occasions where parents will get into a proper heated argument that the children will not like hearing. It happens.
Let’s also remember that if there was no conflict, however subtle or understated, then you most likely may still be together.
So conflict is indeed expected at some level but three things will determine just what effect it will have on your children – the frequency of the conflict, it’s intensity as well as how it’s resolved, I’m not talking resolved with the other parent in conflict but how it’s resolved with the children or in their eyes.
The first two points are self-explanatory I would assume, but let me explain the third.
Providing your child with an opportunity to talk about what happened between daddy and mummy equates with providing them with a chance to package their anxieties and worries and hand them over to someone else to deal with. This then allows them to carry on, as best as possible, with their lives and feel that they are being taken care off.
If you are not able to carry their emotions then find someone who will; a family member, a friend of yours or a professional. But do, do something for them.
If they are unable to talk or discuss what is going on or what happened, then being left with all the ensuing emotions, thoughts and beliefs inside them will only aid in enhancing their insecurities, sense of fear of it happening again. They don’t have the maturity to manage a pack of negative emotions. You do.
The best gift you can give your child during and after the filing for divorce and the divorce process is over, is to get on with their other parent, for your child’s sake.
If you’re finding it hard to do, seek help, create a support system around you that can hold you up when things get rough. It’s probably going to be a long, hard slog but I promise you,for your child’s sake, it will be worth it.
Soila
Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce
She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.
Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.
Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.
You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
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Child Trauma Therapist and Founder of The Divorce Magazine
This is the final part of a three part post. Click here for part 1 (Raising Children of Divorce – Need to be excluded from divorce matters) and Part 2 (Children of divorce need a conflict free environment).
Finally, children of divorce need both parents, unless of course there are real issues around their safety and wellbeing, in which case, using a contact centre may be the best way forward.
The love that a child has for a parent, is truly inexplicable. I say this because it was something that I saw over and over again when I worked as a child trauma therapist at Vicitm Support Lambeth.
There were children who came into my session room whose fathers or mothers had commited really horrific crimes against someone else or them directly but they, these children, in the safety of the therapy room, would say that they missed the parent, still loved them and wanted to see them.
They wouldn’t however say this to the other parent as they didn’t want to hurt them. They would at times also say terrible things about the other parent to the resident parent, so as to show that they were on their side – just as children of divorce tend to do when their loyalties are split.
Young children don’t understand that their father or mother is a narcissit, not at first anyway, that will come with age, but you do and you can learn what to do when divorcing a narcissit or a sociopath.
So with this in mind, try and imagine, removing the other parent from your child’s life because you are angry, resentful and just feeling vindictive. How is your child supposed to deal with this change in circumstance or this internal vacant space left in their lives?
How are they supposed to go from loving daddy, (generally speaking) and seeing him everyday or every week to not seeing him at all? Are you, as the mother, aware of what the repercussions of your act will be in your child’s life? Do you truly understand the role a father plays in a child’s life?
When they turn around in later life and ask you, “Why did you keep me away from my mum/dad?” I wonder what the answer will be?
The best gift you can give your child during and after the filing for divorce and the divorce process is over, is to get on with their other parent, for your child’s sake.
If you’re finding it hard to do, seek help, create a support system around you that can hold you up when things get rough. It’s probably going to be a long, hard slog but I promise you, for your child’s sake, it will be worth it.
Soila
Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce
She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families.
Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.
Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.
You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
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Solicitor at Davis Blank Furniss
When parents are going through divorce or relationship breakdown, they invariably seek that their children’s time is shared equally. Dividing time may feel fair to the parents but is not going to always feel fair to the children.
The best way to approach making arrangements is to consider the weekly routines and commitments for everyone involve before apportioning care. The key is to make sure it’s about quality time – no matter how long or short. This will ensure stability and will make parenting as separated parents a little easier and less stressful.
Communication and compromise are at the centre of making this work; although the parents’ relationship may not have endured, they still have a responsibility to work together to find a way of ensuring the best interests of the children. This will ensure that your children feel valued rather than them feeling like a possession to be fought over and carved up.
If a parent is able to put themselves in the shoes of their children – and consider how unsettling and disruptive it may be living between two homes – then they should be able to be more creative about the arrangements.
Equal shared care works for some families, but it does not work for all. It is better for parents to keep an open mind and be creative and flexible in order to achieve arrangements that work specifically for their family. That may mean an unequal distribution of time, but as long as the focus is on making it secure and happy, then their relationships should continue to grow and develop.
Sometimes parents have to be brave and accept that it may be more appropriate for the children to have one main home and to spend regular and frequent time with the non-resident parent; this can be just as rewarding and beneficial for parent and child alike.
Laura’s expertise covers all aspects of Family Law and Private Client work. She provides practical advice to clients throughout their divorce proceedings. Her role also includes making wills, administering probate, setting up Personal Injury Compensation Trusts and creating Powers of Attorney.
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Wondering how to start dating after divorce and infidelity?
If you were cheated on and find yourself single again then how do you begin to trust and date again?
Infidelity survivors didn’t just divorce because they fell out of love or realized there were too many differences to continue with their marriage.
Infidelity survivors were betrayed and had their world turn upside down by a cheating spouse. Below you will see the KITTIE method to help you rejoin the dating pool after being cheated on:
- Know other infidelity survivors found trust and love again. So there is light at the end of the tunnel or a rainbow after the storm. There are plenty of forums like www.women-scorned.co.uk/ that provide support and hope.
- Investigate your new partner if that will help put your mind at ease. There are various websites that you can check to see if your potential date or current SO is a cheater.
- Talk to your new partner about what you are feeling and why. It’s important that you communicate and are on the same page.
- Together you both should create boundaries and rules. You may both agree to have access to each other’s emails or phones.
- Innocent until proven guilty. Your new SO isn’t a reincarnation of your old one who cheated on you.
- Explore options to find someone who is faithful and you can relate to. Someone who was previously cheated on may be a good companion because they are less likely to cheat because they know how much it hurts.
We hope the KITTIE method of rejoining the dating pool after being cheated on helps you find a faithful loving partner.
Gary Spivak is the Founder of FidelityDating, dating site for infidelity survivors
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Soila from The Divorce Magazine had the opportunity to interview Karen Agnew-Griffith of Woolley & Co. Solicitors about Divorce, Pensions and Financial Settlement or the Financial Order.
How important has the pension become in today’s divorce cases in view of the Wyatt vs Vince divorce court case?
Karen gave us a quick summary of the proceedings in the Wyatt vs Vince case. She explained that they were married but it wasn’t a long marriage and they had one child. They divorced in the early 90s and at the time of divorce they had no assests at all.
They separated, he went and she stayed at home living in quite poor circumstances, raising the child without any financial support from him.
20 + years later, he has made a fortune in wind farms and is now a mulitmillionaire. She on the other hand, is still living in very poor circumstances and as she has raised the child of the marriage without financial support and is saying she now needs help.
At the time of their divorce those many years ago there was no financial settlement of any description.
The courts have now agreed in fact that she is owed but nothing like the amount that she’s expecting.
So what does it means now for couples getting divorced today or those who got divorced a few years ago and had no financial settlement?
Karen explains that the situation hasn’t changed drastically in as much as family lawyers, divorce courts and judges have always said to clients that they should try to resolve financial order settlements and claims at the time of their divorce process.
Karen has had situations where financial order claims have been made so many years after a divorce involving multiples of millions. So there’s always been that situation there.
What’s remarkable about this case is that it wasn’t a long marriage at the time of the divorce there were no assests and this is many, many years later. But Karen thinks this case is going to be treated in the same way as any other.
The facts of the case are always unique and the uniqueness of this particular situation is his remarkable wealth, her remarkable poverty and the fact that she did make a contribution something the has been taken into account. She made a contribution in raising that child without financial support from the father.
What does “make a contribution” actually entail? What does it mean?
It can be anything, Karen explains that she had a case whereby a mother lived in a property that was in joint names. Husband left that property, never paid for its upkeep, never paid anything towards the mortgage and 20 years later has come back saying, “Well I know you paid the mortgage off now I’d like to sell.”
The husband’s view then was, it’s the wife’s payment of the mortgage during that 20 years, it was the wife’s contribution in maintaining the property that has meant the property is now availalbe to be sold.
So in that particular case what the judge did was that he asked us to secure a valuation to what the property would have been worth at the date of separation and gave the wife all of the growth on the property up to that point and half of the value of the property at the point of separation.
So contribution can be something like looking after a property or where a parent who is looking after the children post-separation while the other parent who is not looking after the children day-to-day is able to work perhaps full-time and pursue a career.
In the meantime, the other parent with the care of the children, looking after the child in school holidays, looking after the children when they’re sick, perhaps cannot pursue a career and is left with a more lowly paid less of a career opportunity type situation.
So, the parent who is looking after the children is making a contrtibution in that way and quite often in a divorce you will quantify what total assets are and you will give the parent with the children whether it’s husband or wife you will give them an extra few percentage of the total assets.
When it comes to divorce and pensions, divorce hasn’t changed and pensions haven’t changed either. They’ve always been very valuable before the 2000s and since it’s just that peope are now aware.
People are living longer, they are suddenly aware that they are going to have a poor retirement if they havent’ got a decent pension fund. The value of the state pension has fallen. We’ve had a lot of years of opting out so that there’s less additoinal state pension and people generally have been untrusting of pensions and have invested less in pension pots you know in the last 15 years.
We have the situation whereby government workers, civil servants, nurses, doctors, teachers, members of the armed forces, police officers, firefighters, they’ve all had defined benefits final salary schemes and those are worth vast sums often vastly more than the value of any home that the parties own. So and wives are beginning to understand that they are certainly going to live as long as their husbands possibly longer and they need that retirement. They need those funds.
So when it comes to divorce and pensions and property, I asked Karen, pension or property?
She explained that one the court would say, the property, the money in the property is what we call a liquid asset you could sell it go out and buy lots of sweets.
With the pension, up until the recent changes, it was very difficult to cash it in and it was regarded as an illiquid asset.
The recent changes means that there is more liquidity in a pension. Realistically you’re only going to take £30,000 because after that the tax you would pay is punitive. So there’s a little bit more liquidity in a pension, but no frankly you need both. Buy a smaller house and have a pension.
What role does the financial order have to play in a divorce process and divorce settlement?
What is more important, having the matrimonial home or a share in the pension (pension sharing in divorce).
When coping with divorce and looking at divorce settlements, what do both partners need to be aware off with regards to pensions especially if you’re a teacher, firefighter, police officer etc. How would the pension sharing be an important factor in your divorce?
How important is it to reach a financial order?
As you go through your divorce process, don’t forget about completing all your divorce papers including those that deal with your financial settlement or financial order.
Ask divorce lawyers about the financial order and how to go about it all.
How will your divorce affect your pension? Is pension sharing a must do?
If you would like to contact Karen – 01842779905 – www.family-lawfirm.co.uk
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Family Mediator
Behavioural Mentor
Heather Brown, family mediator and behavioural mentor, speaks to us about contact centres.
For 7 years, Heather was manager of two contact centres and having had enquiries about contact centers in and around the UK, I couldn’t think of anyone better to ask about the services that are provided by these types of organisations.
Currently Heather works as a Family Mediator as well as a Managing Director and Behavioural Mentor with at risk teenagers with Present Future Solutions.
This interview carries so much information on the role and use of contact centers that I know for sure you or someone you know will greatly benefit from what Heather talks about.
Some of the questions answered are:
- What role do contact centres or family contact centres play when it comes to co-parenting?
- How can one find their nearest contact centre?
- Once you find this contact center, can you self-refer or do you need a family court judge to do it for you, CAFCASS (Children and Families Court Advisory Services) or family lawyer?
- Who pays for the service and how much is it?
- Will I have to see my ex-partner at the contact centre? No, all arrivals and departures are staggered.
Heather goes on to talk about the different types of contact center services that there are and what they mean for each couple. These are:
- Supervised contact
- Escorted or community contact
- Handover
- Supported contact
Heather makes it clear that contact centers are not only impartial but they also give support not only to the non-resident parent but to the resident parent too. They are there as a short term solution to the current ongoing co-parenting problem.
If you’re looking for a contact center please contact the NACCC – National Association of Child Contact Centres
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Toby is our Head of Family Law at Banner Jones. He has specialised in family matrimonial work since 1996, qualifying in 1997. He has been recognised by the Legal 500 for his ‘exceptional’ family work and is now a Recommended Lawyer.
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