life after divorce - Page 8

my lights went out
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My Lights went Out

Published on
Carly Israel
Carly Israel

I found myself Googling, “Should I stay for the kids.”

I begged God to tell me what to do. I cried daily as I walked around my perfect house. Six years of marriage counseling, three beautiful boys, no black eyes, no adultery, no gambling and I was dying inside, every day.

I never knew how lonely one could be in a marriage, lying in bed next to each other, not touching, on our phones, like passing ships.

He was a kind man and a good father. How I hungered for connection and wanting. Quiet clenching jaws and pleading ignored. But we had these little kids and divorce would destroy them. And divorce would destroy him.

So I would stay. I chose to stay, over and over. And each day, a little piece of me died.

Sitting across from my two besties, they looked at me and said, “Your light went out.” And that was all I needed. I was trying to stay for the kids, for him and in the process I lost myself. Against the advice of family and friends, I left my perfect life and chose me.

And what has become is a beautiful mess.

No more secrets, no more wrapping paper, no more perfect Facebook posts. The legal process of divorce was brutal and living all together while trying to sell our dream home tested every fiber of my being, but the only way out of this sh#t tunnel was through. And through I have travelled.

My boys are thriving and their life might not look the way we had planned and I had dreamed, but they have a mother who shines from within, once again. I was told many years ago to always find the gifts, that I must find the gifts in every situation, that it would be my salvation. Oh and there are many gifts to be found.

10 gifts of a messy divorce: (in no specific order)…

  1. You get to really, truly know your ex
  1. You get closer to God
  1. Your real friends will be all who is left
  1. The guilt over making the decision will be removed, completely
  1. You’ll be in the best shape of your life from the daily pounding on the Stairmaster or treadmill or pavement
  1. No more fights over how you load the dishwasher
  1. You’ll discover how resilient you truly are
  1. You’ll write more, read more, cry more and dig deeper than you have ever before
  1. You’ll know exactly what to pay attention to in your next relationship, exactly what matters
  1. After the money, the custody, the schedules, the legal bills, the lost relationships and words of anger are removed the authentic you will be all that is left

If you put a gun to my head in those brutal, gut-wrenching months of back and forth between my heart and my mind, I always knew what I would do. When I looked in the mirror, I always saw the truth. We can hide it in a picture, or mask it in a post, but the mirror never lies and when we live our life with authenticity, mistakes and beautiful messes all that is left is the light.

And after that decision was made, and the next one and the next, I heard what I needed to hear from my very favorite author:

“Go, even though you love him.
Go, even though he is kind and faithful and dear to you.
Go, even though he’s your best friend and you’re his.
Go, even though you can’t imagine your life without him.
Go, even though he adores you and your leaving will devastate him.
Go, even though your friends will be disappointed or surprised or pissed off or all three.
Go, even though you once said you would stay.
Go, even though you’re afraid of being alone.
Go, even though you’re sure no one will ever love you as well as he does.
Go, even though there is nowhere to go.
Go, even though you don’t know exactly why you can’t stay.
Go, because you want to.
Because wanting to leave is enough.”

About Carly

Carly Israel: single mother of 3 growing boys, sober warrior, forever student of life and a beautiful mess doing her best to spread the light in this world.

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Five Problems of Solo Travellers – and Five Ways to Solve them

Published on
Paul Marshman
Paul Marshman Travel Journalist The Travelling Boomer

Article first published in The Travelling Boomer

Let’s face it: most of the travel industry is set up for people travelling in pairs or groups. But some of us travel alone, either by preference or circumstance, and as the baby boomer generation gets older, there will be many more of us out there travelling solo.

It’s good to travel with a companion: you have someone to share your experiences with, help you find the right train and bring you chicken soup if you get sick. And because the travel industry prices things for two people sharing, you can get a better deal on package tours and hotels.

But there’s a lot to be said for travelling solo, too: you can go where you want and see what you want — not what your partner wants to see. You can travel when you have the time, with no concern about fitting someone else’s schedule. You can get that last seat left on the plane (it’s often easier to get one seat than two). And you can skip the infighting that sometimes crops up and ruins trips.

Still, there are a few nagging problems that can get in the way when you’re travelling solo. I’ve dealt with most of them over the years, and found ways around or through them. So I thought I’d share both the problems, and my personal solutions, with you.

Here are my five problems of solo travellers – and five ways to solve them.

Paying the single supplement

The problem This is probably the biggest annoyance for solo travellers. Because the travel industry caters mainly to couples, it adds a hefty premium to the price of things like package tours and cruises for those travelling solo. The surcharge is typically 50 to 75 per cent, but it can be a full 100 percent.

The solution The first way to avoid this problem is to book your flight and hotel separately: there are no single supplements on air flights, and hotel prices are more dependent on current demand than on who you are. If you’re shopping for a package, look for travel companies that don’t apply the extra charge: they’re scarce, but there are a few out there, like Explore!, Exodus: Canada and International Expeditions.

You have a better chance of escaping the supplement in places like Cuba, where they’re sometimes happy just to fill the beds. But even hotels and resorts in high-rent locations will sometimes drop the surcharge if they have empty rooms and the clock is ticking. It never hurts to ask, or have your travel agent do it for you.

The best solution, though, is just to shop hard. If you can find a deal that’s cheap enough to start with, it could still be good value even with the single supplement. In recent years I’ve taken cruises that cost me the price of a hotel room — not as cheap as if I’d shared a cabin, but still at a great price. Subscribing to travel and cruise newsletters is a good way to find these deals.

The last strategy is to look for another solo traveller who wants to split costs: for example, some cruise lines, like Holland America, will hook you up with someone of the same sex who wants to share a cabin.

Watching the bags

The problem Your bags can become a real burden when you’re travelling through airports and train stations. Go to buy a ticket, drag your bags along. Have to use the washroom, drag your bags along. Sometimes it feels like you’re being followed by a big, hulking shadow.

The solution Travel light. The days of travelling with a steamer trunk and 12 pieces of luggage are over. One medium-sized suitcase and a shoulder bag is enough for almost any trip. And as I demonstrated here, you can fit a week’s worth of clothes into a 20-inch “spinner” case that fits into an overhead compartment. (It’s still a bit of a hindrance, but minor in relative terms).

Alternatively, there’s still something to be said for checking your bags in as soon as you get to the airport and then wandering at will. (That’s one of the good things about checking your bags: once they roll down the conveyor belt, they’re the airline’s problem.) Or, you can travel first-class and pay other people to worry about your baggage. Oh, bellhop?

Being alone

The problem I don’t mind being by myself, but some people need other people to be their sounding board, compare notes with and help them get where they’re going. When you travel alone, there’s no one to help if you have a problem. As well, you miss the fun and camaraderie that comes from being with other people.

The solution Make friends on the road. I find that when I’m alone, I tend to be more open to talking to other people. I fall in with other travellers on at least half my trips: on a recent trip I spent a day travelling with a French mother and son in Mexico, then teamed up with a retired English couple in Belize and a fellow Torontonian in Guatemala.

You can meet people on trains or buses, in restaurants or in your hotel. But a great way to meet them is to take a local or city tour: you spend the best part of a day with a small group of people, and naturally start to talk with them. Then, it’s easy to continue your conversation over dinner with your new friends.

Eating alone

The problem Enjoying the local food is a great part of travel, but I find dining at nice restaurants awkward when I’m alone. I usually opt for middle-of-the-road joints where I can watch the passing scene while I eat.

The solution The best antidote to eating alone is to find someone to dine with. But how? If you meet someone during your day and hit it off, ask them if they have dinner plans, and suggest a place you have your eye on. It’s a date! Failing that, you can drop by the restaurant for a drink before dinner, and check it out. If you talk to the staff and the locals a bit, the place may seem more welcoming by the time dinner comes around. And you may bump into another traveller who’s looking for a table mate.

For dining in less formal places, the most common strategy is to bring a book: I find it a good opportunity to delve into my guidebook. Another is to find a place with a live show, or a video screen showing a movie or sports event – whatever keeps you happy. If everyone’s watching the same thing, you’ll feel like one of the crowd.

Expensive day tours

The problem Since group tours usually have fixed costs, many are priced according to the number of people on board – the more people, the cheaper they are. Some tours won’t go without a minimum number, and those that do often charge outrageous prices. Want a birding tour for one? That’ll be triple the usual price.

The solution This is a tough one, but I’ve faced it quite a few times and come out smiling. The best strategy is to find a company that has a tour going where you want to go, and ask to be added to the group. You might find one on the internet, or by asking around: the local tourist board may have suggestions, too.

There are other strategies, too. You can stay at a hotel near the attraction you want to visit, and try to team up with other guests who want to go there. Or, leave your name with a few tour companies and ask them to watch for others looking for the same tour.

A final suggestion: ask the locals if they know someone who shows tourists the area. There’s often a local expert who’s happy to take you (read about my experiences finding bird guides here). Lastly, you can try online services like Global Greeter Network that offer tours by local guides for free.

There’s five problems of solo travellers, and how I deal with them. The real solution, though, is for the travel industry to start paying more attention to solo travellers and tailoring its offerings and its prices to them.

In some cases, it already is. According to Solo Traveler website, some companies are waking up to the fact that solo travellers are a great market. They travel more than couples — six or more times a year, compared with two to three times. And they’re often free to travel at slack times of the year, such as spring and fall.

Some cruise lines have begun to cater to the growing number of single cruisers by putting solo cabins on their ships: Norwegian leads the way here. The rest of the travel industry is beginning to adapt, as well — companies are slowly moving toward a fairer price structure, and offering special deals for solo travellers. This spring, a number of companies dropped or reduced their single supplement to combat weak demand for European trips and cruises.

Still, we’re nowhere near having a travel industry that’s friendly to solo travellers. Count this as another call for action: solo travellers aren’t going away, it’s time to give us what we need.

About Paul

Paul Marshman is a retired journalist who spent 30 years as a writer and editor on Canadian newspapers, while travelling to the ends of the earth. Now he continues to travel while sharing experiences on his popular website, The Travelling Boomer.

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How to Cope with a Break-up

How to Cope with a Break-up and Divorce

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Divorce is a life transition to move through as quickly as possible.

Yet some folks relive it over and over again. Their proceedings are their go-to- topic of conversation, which gets old. There are traps that keep one stuck in divorce instead of moving forward with life.

It is hard to forget about your ex when plotting revenge.

This may be repeatedly taking a former spouse to court for perceived infractions, or starting rumours which border on slander. Revenge is a way to keep attached to your former partner by wishing evil things to happen to them.

These revenge fantasies drain energy and time which could be used for something more productive.

People sometimes project their own emotional states onto someone else, like an ex-spouse.

If they are vindictive, they see their former spouse as that way also. Our views are projected onto others as if they are a screen or mirror.  A happy individual interprets interactions as positive and a bitter, angry person encounters a hostile world. A person stating on social media that their ex cannot move on is probably the one who is not letting go.

Could your complaints about your ex really be about your own issues?

Following the same routines as when married, may be a way of hanging on to that relationship. One’s former partner may have jumped ship for someone else, yet they are haunting the places that they went together as a couple.

Dining in your favourite restaurant as you did when married or replaying a song from your wedding keeps you attached. This is like lyrics from the 1980’s band Naked Eyes’ song: “I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me. And every step I take reminds me of just how we used to be. Well, how can I forget you, girl? When there is always something there to remind me.”

How to Cope with a Break-up
How to Cope with a Break-up – Get out there!

Instead of going to the same Greek island or walking the streets of Paris that you roamed as a duo, discover new destinations.

Grab buddies and go away for a long weekend to somewhere enticing. Shake up your routines by finding new cafes and a favourite pub. It is time to exorcize your ex’s ghost by having new adventures.

Open the door and allow joy to enter your life.

Divorce evokes negative feelings such as tension and hurt. It is easy to fall into the habit of staying in the place of anger instead of climbing out of that dark pit. At first it takes effort and practice to notice the sweet things in one’s life – the bakery around the corner, the friendly barista at the coffee shop or indulging in a facial.

When letting go of rage, that clears a space for better things to appear. One cannot add more water to a glass that is already filled to the brim.  That applies to people too.

Get help if needed, to empty out the negativity that is not leaving any room for happiness. The point is to replace something that is not working (dwelling in negativity) with something that is beneficial. Look ahead instead of focusing on what is behind in the past.

Get out of your comfort zone and discover new strengths. One’s passions and wishes may have been buried during a tumultuous marriage. Contemplate what was enjoyable when you were younger and see how you can bring that back in your life. Some joined a drama class, others started Tai Chi, and post-divorced folks began running marathons.

The idea is to do something fun or stimulating which adds new purpose to your life. Connect with others, such as seeing friends more frequently and becoming acquainted with neighbours. Bringing more people into your life fills a void that surfaced with divorce.

When one’s ex is a mere dot on the horizon instead of a constant thought, one has moved on.  After a few people I know moved on after break ups, they began a different type of relationship with former partners, as good friends.

About Wendi

Wendi Schuller - Global Guide to Divorce

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certied in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 100 published articles.

Her other book is The Woman’s Holistic Guide to Divorce. Web site is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Travel for the Introvert

Travel for the Introvert Post-Divorce

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Wanderlust may kick in after a divorce, when one is alone. Places that were not on your spouse’s Bucket List may be enticing to visit.

My introvert friend is finding travel more challenging than her gregarious acquaintances do. She has ruled out group travel, but this is a bit hasty.

Group tours vary vastly from those that march travellers around en masse eight hours a day to those that offer one quick orientation look around the city.

The American travel guru Rick Steves, suggests taking a fully escorted tour, however go on the excursions that would be more difficult to do on your own, like Machu Picchu.

Take advantage of the hotels and transportation, but opt out of some sightseeing and look around on your own if desired.  There are hybrid ones that get you to one or more places which include a short get acquainted with your destination tour in each new locale. They may start the journey by Eurostar or a flight to a city or island.

You’re picked up at the airport and taken to the hotel. There is an hour or so tour with the rest of the time on your own. The beauty of these is that the travel arrangements are left to the pros – you just show up. You get great rates since the tour companies are buying these trips from travel venders in bulk. There is a safety net to doing travel this way which is not there when you make all of your own arrangements.

The company representative (or contact person) is on hand to make recommendations, answer questions or be of assistance in emergencies. This is especially good for a first time visit to a region. I have seen some of these tempting trips listed as ads in British Women’s magazines.

There is another option to sailing, but without the crowds, casinos and shows. The Norwegian Hurtigruten cruises are great for the solitary traveller. Some sail along the Norwegian coast, coming or returning to Bergan to drop the post off at small villages. They make up to seven stops a day, some for less than an hour.  This is a wonderful way to explore on your own and snap a few pictures.

Travel for the Introvert
Group Travel maybe? Travel for the Introvert.

Some ports offer an optional sightseeing tour. The coastal cruises have breakfast and lunch buffets with open seating.  The focus is on the spectacular scenery and not on shipboard activities.

They run year long, and people enjoy spotting the Northern Lights in the winter. Their sea sailings are laid back with no formal nights. A naturalist gives lectures plus may have tables outside on deck showing the local flora and fauna. There is a ceremony when crossing the Arctic Circle.

River cruises may be more in line for introverts with a hundred or so other passengers instead of thousands. They dock near the city centre with plenty of free time for individual explorations. The ships are small and one bumps into less people when finding a private corner to read.

Ocean going vessels can be docked away from the action and may spend less time in port. On some mega ships, there is an emphasis on the ship board amusements. Tables may be assigned, however one is free to eat in other dining areas by oneself. On ships, one can have the connection of being around others, without being forced to interact, especially at concerts or show. I enjoy both types of cruises.

Some singles have taken long train journeys and raved about them. They could be sociable or enjoy spectacular scenery from their cabin. The Ghan train in Australia was recommended by a solo traveller. I took a train from Bangkok through Malaysia terminating in Singapore.

Other people have embarked on train trips throughout Europe and Africa plus the Trans-Siberian Express. Another option is taking a bus trip such as on megabus. I thought megabus was more for the young backpacker set, but found out otherwise.

Middle age solo travellers book their ticket for multiple European destinations on the easy to use website. One can pre-book hotels and some city tours or decide what to do upon arrival.

An introvert can get away from it all and book a cottage by the seaside, lake or lovely village.  There are plenty of web sites and guide books listing private residences for short-term holiday rentals. Some singles go on long hikes such as Spain’s Camino De Santiago. There is the thrill of accomplishment when reaching the end.

Be creative with your travel arrangements in avoiding being part of the herd. Some divorced people have gone on trips with a particular focus, such as cooking photography or birding. One is around like-minded people who are concentrating on the activity instead of on small talk. Bon Voyage!

 

Wendi Schuller - Global Guide to Divorce

 

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certied in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 100 published articles.

Her other book is The Woman’s Holistic Guide to Divorce. Web site is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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How to Own a Franchise

Back to Work after Divorce – How to Own a Franchise

Published on
Gary Wolff
Franchise and Marketing Manager

This is a brief outline of some of the things to look for when buying a franchise.

There are suggestions and advice but it is by no means exhaustive or complete as there is not enough space here to allow that.  Buying a franchise is not an easy option when wanting to start your own business.

It takes time, effort and commitment.  When you buy a franchise, you can sell goods and services that have instant name recognition, and get training and support that can help you succeed. 

But purchasing a franchise is like every other investment; there’s no guarantee of success. 

It is very important to understand right from the start that if you have pre-conceived ideas on how you want to run your business then you must decide if franchising is the way forward for you.  You will need to run your business in the way that the franchisor has set down in their franchise manuals.  If you do no think you can do this then franchise may not be for you.

A franchise enables you, the franchisee, to operate a business using a pre set system or format developed by the franchisor.  The franchisor also gives the right to use the name and operating system and to call on them for assistance.

For example, the franchisor may provide you with help in finding a location for your business, initial training, an operating manual and advice on management, marketing and sales, in fact everything to do with successfully running the business.

Buying a franchise may reduce your investment risk by enabling you to associate with an established company who, in theory, will have ironed out most of the pitfalls encountered by someone starting out on their own. 

In return for this, a franchise fee will be charged and in some cases may be substantial.  You will also have other costs: for example, you may be required to pay for advertising, insurance and other usual costs that you will incur when starting or running a business.

In exchange for the right to use the franchisor’s name and assistance, you will pay some or all of the following fees:

  • An initial franchise fee
  • Training fee
  • Transfer fee if buying an already established franchise outlet  
  • Other costs needed to launch your franchise successfully.

In most cases the franchisor will charge ongoing royalties either based on turnover or profit or a standard monthly or yearly fee that is paid no matter how well you are doing.

A lot of franchisors also charge an advertising or PR contribution.  Indeed, even if you voluntarily terminate your franchisee agreement early, you may owe royalties for the remainder of your agreement. You must also find out if there are any on-going costs and what they are for.

To ensure uniformity, franchisors usually control how franchisees conduct business. 

These controls may significantly restrict your ability to exercise your own business judgment.  For example, site selection, signage and advertising methods, advert content and restrictions on the goods or services you can offer.

This is often a good thing but you may not agree with what you are restricted to.  Your method of operation may be dictated to you as well.  For example, they may dictate hours; pre-approve signs, employee uniforms, advertisements or demand that you use certain accounting or bookkeeping procedures or that you buy supplies only from an approved supplier even if you can buy similar goods elsewhere for less.

Virtually all franchises will offer you a territory in which to operate.  This is to maximise the potential of that area and to stop you encroaching on the next franchisees territory.  This may of course restrict you for expanding should your business do well so you must choose and check your territory well before agreeing to it.

At some point you will want to sell your franchise. 

You must make sure that when you are starting out in your franchise you already know how you are going to get out of it when you want to move on.  Your franchise agreement should have clauses in to let you know how this will work and what you should expect.

Divorce Questions by children of divorce
How to own a franchise?

Before signing any contract or agreement you should have it checked over by a franchise lawyer and have them explain to you just what you are getting into. 

The agreement is very important both to you and the franchisor as it sets out just what is expected from both parties. 

When you buy a franchise you are essentially entering into a partnership between you and the franchisor and it is vital that everyone knows just what is expected and offered. 

All agreements will have a limited time attached to them and you should know how long your agreement lasts and if you are required to buy the franchise again at the end of it or if you just have to renew it. 

You should also be aware of any costs involved when this happens.  Although no one can make you sign the new agreement you should make sure that it has not been changed.  For example, have they raised royalty payments, methods of practice or reduced your territory.  Make sure you check it again a very carefully.

Before you invest in a particular franchise system, think about how much money you have to invest, your abilities, and your goals.  Be brutally honest with yourself.  How much money do you have to invest, how much money can you afford to lose and how much is it possible to make?  Are you purchasing the franchise alone or with partners? Where is your finance coming from?

You just look at yourself and think about what you can really do and if that particular franchise will suit you and your way of life. 

  • Do you have technical experience or special training or education?
  • What special skill set can you bring to a business and specifically, to your business? 
  • What experience do you have as a business owner or manager?

Write down your reasons for buying a particular franchise:

  • Do you need a specific annual income?
  • Are you interested in pursuing a particular field? 
  • Are you interested in retail sales or performing a service?
  • How many hours can you work?
  • Do you intend to operate the business yourself or hire a manager? 
  • Will franchise ownership be your primary source of income or a supplement do your current income?
  • Do you get bored easily?
  • Are you in this for the long-term? 
  • Would you like to own several outlets?

Other things to consider when buying a franchise are competition, your ability to run the business, brand awareness, training and support and company growth.

You should consider visiting franchise exhibitions to have a look around and see who is there and what they have to offer. 

The main national franchise exhibition is held annually at the NEC in Birmingham around October time.  Check the franchise magazine for dates and they also often have  free ticket in the as well.  there are other franchise exhibitions held all around the country at other times of the year and again these can be found in the franchise and local press.

Before  buying into any franchise and after attending the franchise interview, go away and do your research.

Read all the paperwork you have from the franchisor.  Don’t be shy about asking for explanations, clarification, and answers to your questions before you invest. 

If you feel you have found the business for you, you should seek advice from a franchise lawyer on the agreement and visit and call as many other existing franchisees in that business as you can to really get a feel for whether this is right for you.

Always stay clear of a franchisor that will not let you have all the names and numbers of their franchisees.  They should have nothing to hide from you and must ask them the questions that you have been asking the franchisor.

Starting your business may take several months.  Estimate your operating expenses for the first year and your personal living expenses for up to two years.  Compare your estimates with what other franchisees have paid and with competing franchise systems.  You may be able to get a better deal with another franchisor. 

An accountant can help you evaluate this information.  Your accountant will also look over your business plan to make sure you have not missed anything.  The business plan is essential as this is going to be your roadmap to success.  Remember “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”

Gary Wolff is a franchise and marketing manager with 12 years experience in the field of franchising including Franchise Management, Advertising, Coaching and Training

Gary Wolf – gldw@hotmail.co.uk – Tel: 07889 307 974

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Freelancing

Freelancing:  Is it really for me? – How to Get Back to Work after Divorce

Published on
Mary Cummings
Creative Entrepreneur and Business Mentor,

So, you’re toying with the idea of giving up the 9 to 5, for something that allows you to be more free and liberating.

You’ve decided you love the idea of being your own boss.  You have heard that you can make more money per hour (and keep the profits), you’ll be able to take on a variety of exciting projects (you can flit from job to job like the gorgeous butterfly that you are) and of course, you’ll get time off as and when you need it!

The perfect career, right?

Well, partly.  You see, as a Freelancer, being your own boss can also be a major pain in the …. you know what!

If you are seriously considering Freelancing, it is good to be fully aware of some of the pitfalls so that you are fully prepared.

Multiple Hats:   Are you ready to wear multiple hats, and be an expert in them all?  Being your own boss will mean having to learn the basics in Finance (you will certainly need to do your own bookkeeping to balance the books at the end of the each month);   I.T. (the “Techy Guy” that you usually call at work?  That will be you);  Marketing (essential for searching out those lucrative contracts);  Online social networking and blogging (nowadays, an essential part of your Marketing strategy); PR (a godsend for any small business, which will save pounds on the advertising budget) and you can add to the list typist, cook and bottle washer!

Less Security:  Freelancers are not protected in the same way that employers are, as you will be self-employed.  Do talk to your accountant before starting-up, to see whether you need to be covered by any type of insurance or indemnity.

Is Freelancing for me?Day to Day Business:  How should you structure your business?  Should you be self-employed or should you register a limited company?  Should you perhaps use an umbrella company?  What costs are involved?  How much should you charge for your services?  How can you minimise your running costs?  Understanding what to do, and how to go about doing them will greatly increase your chance of success.

Managing your time:  Are you good at managing your own time?  As a Freelancer, time is a literal asset to you.  If time is money, then every minute needs to count towards your business.   You cannot afford to fritter time away.  This means focussing efforts only on the activities that will earn you money, efficiently and effectively.

If you are determined to make a go of Freelancing, don’t give up the day job until you have fully researched your market, to see what is available in your particular field.

Ask yourself what it is you would like to achieve with your Freelancing career.   If you have reached a point in your life where you are able to downshift, your financial goals may be less ambitious than someone who needs to earn as much as possible.

Are you a self-starter, who is fully motivated and will stay on track even during the dullest of moments?  It can be lonely working as a Freelancer, so perhaps the most important piece of one can give you is to network.  Networking with likeminded individuals – both online and offline – will ensure that you have a friendly team of people who understand your challenges, not to mention a valuable resource for when you need to bounce ideas back and forth.

So is Freelancing for you?  Could you voluntarily giving up your regular pay increases, bonuses, subsidised travel, health care, gym membership and the like, in exchange for Freelancing and the many challenges it presents?

For many, Freelancing is an extremely rewarding career.   Having the flexibility of being able to work around their children’s school runs, school holidays, sports days, countless other activities and to be able to do so from the comfort of their own home, often the answer is a resounding yes.

Mary Cummings has worked as a freelance copywriter, writer and desk top publishing designer for six years.  She has recently launched a website which provides advice and support for freelance and self-employed parents at marycummingsservices.co.uk

 

 

 

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post-divorce

Dealing with Initial Post-Divorce Period

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Moving on after divorce can be done in small increments or in one giant leap.

Sometimes one may need to get away in order to evaluate their options and just to think about things in general.

One man had an ingenious way to get over a traumatic divorce and get past overwhelming feelings. His mind kept dwelling on his unhappy circumstance and severed marital relationship.

What came as a surprise was the dramatic metamorphosis and finding his purpose in life. Alan’s career was in Martial Arts and his back, neck and joints cried out for him to retire.

What is his secret? Alan left his job post-divorce and booked a Round-the-World (RTW) airline ticket which was for several months of travel.

By immersing himself into the various cultures, Alan’s focus was off his own woes. He discovered that humans around the planet are more alike than different. People have more in common than not and he developed a respect for others’ customs, beliefs and spirituality.

This compassion spilled over to himself, enabling him to accept that his old life was finished. Forgiveness for himself and ex-wife set him free and he was transformed. Alan was on the last leg of his journey in Cape Town before flying back home, when he discovered that he could book another RTW ticket for half of what he had paid in London. He used this opportunity to fly back to Asia.

Going on a retreat can be the key to gaining self-awareness. Alan attended a ten day retreat in India in which meditation was taught.

The participants were silent for the first nine days and spoke on the last one. He had judged others and formed preconceived notions about who they were and what they did. On day ten when all were allowed to speak, Alan was blown away about how wrong he was.

During this retreat, Alan learned more about himself than he had his whole life and spirituality gave meaning to his existence. He now helps others globally to find their right path after situations like divorce.

Gaining self-knowledge and wisdom can come at a much cheaper cost than a Round-the-World ticket. A weekend retreat and being around positive people can be a catalyst for change, as Alan’s longer ones did. Shop around for the experience or assistance that you require in your price range.

A woman in the Philippines said “divorce was impossible” so eventually was granted a “civil and Catholic annulment.” She too desired to get away to find herself and to heal. She searched for the best price for a European river cruise and found out that booking the same one in another country and in their currency can lower the fee.

She got this cruise for half, through the Canadian branch of that global company by paying in their currency. She is enjoying cruising Eastern Europe on the Danube right now. Be diligent when chasing your dream by checking on various options. If one road is blocked then take a detour, however keep trying.

Moving on in the early stages after divorce requires finding your passion. Alan had to discover what gives him the reason for getting out of bed and giving purpose to his life.

Many people found that having something greater than themselves (spirituality in Alan’s case) gives them guidance and reassurance. Connecting to others, whether through volunteering or a social network, is the foundation to building a more meaningful life.

Accept that your emotions will be all over the place right after divorce. Consider getting away, if even for a weekend in order start your journey on transforming oneself after divorce.

Wendi Schuller - Global Guide to Divorce

 

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certied in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 100 published articles.

Her other book is The Woman’s Holistic Guide to Divorce. Web site is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Getting Back to Work after Divorce

Getting Back to Work after Divorce – How to Find your Preferred Working Pattern.

Published on
Sandra Russell Heads of Graysons’ Family Team
Sandra Russell
Head of
Graysons’ Family Team

This is part 2 of a series of posts by Sandra Russell on how to get back to work after divorce.  You can read part 1 – Why Stay-At-Home Parents Are Advised To Go Back To Work After Divorce

Freelance work: The sky really is the limit here. There are few industries that don’t use freelancers, since they are often cheaper and more convenient than employing someone in house.

Start by defining your target market, then simply approach the ones you think would be a good fit for you and your skills. There is no right or wrong type of employer to target, as long as they feasibly have a need for the skills you can offer.

It’s worth noting, however, that with the growth in social media, there are often opportunities for freelance digital experts in this area.

Part-time: Look for companies where there is already a precedent of part-time work. Avoid employers in very high-pressure or fast-moving sectors, where there’s a culture of excess overtime and a high turnover of staff, which may indicate that part-time work would be unsustainable.

According to Mumandcareer, the top industries for part-time jobs are education, medical and admin.

Full-time: Really, any employers. A full-time work pattern is the easiest type of work to request.

Term-time: Schools, universities and colleges. The education sector is the obvious choice for term-time jobs – whether you want to work as support staff, or as a teaching assistant.

Who are the Best Family-friendly Employers in the UK?

There are many initiatives and awards for employers who are family friendly – and these kinds of policies can work to your advantage as a single divorced parent.

If you’re a working mum, take a look at these top employers from Working Mums. Featured on the list are:

  • BBC
  • Royal Mail
  • John Lewis
  • National Offender Management Service
  • Vodafone
  • Lloyds Banking Group
  • Barclays
  • Network Rail
  • Unilever

…and many more.

The Times top 50 Employers for Women features employers like:

  • Asda
  • BT Group plc
  • Genesis Housing Association
  • HM Revenue and Customs
  • Home Office
  • Marks & Spencer
  • National Grid
  • Post Office Ltd
  • PwC
  • State Street

Flexible working isn’t just for divorced mothers though. Divorced stay-at-home dads who want to combine time with their kids with returning to work should target some of the top employers for working families, awarded by the charity Working Families. In particular, the Cityfathers Best for All Stages of Fatherhood Award showed that these employers are a great place to start:

  • The London School of Economics & Political Science
  • West Dunbartonshire Council
  • iCrossing
  • Scottish Parliament
  • National Grid

Sandra heads Graysons’ family team.  She qualified as a solicitor in April 1994, having obtained her law degree at Sheffield University. She has specialised exclusively in family law ever since.

She is personally recommended in the Legal 500 2015 as being ‘committed, focused and confident’.

Sandra became a Resolution accredited specialist in January 2000 and qualified as a collaborative family lawyer in April 2009.  Her accredited areas are advanced complex financial and property matters and domestic abuse.

Sandra is passionate about helping couples to resolve their disputes in a non-adversarial, respectful manner; focusing on the needs of their children and re-enforcing the importance of conflict avoidance.  She finds collaborative work particularly rewarding in guiding clients through their individual separation journeys so they can look towards a brighter future.

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How to Become Financially Stable

Life after Divorce – How to Become Financially Stable

Published on
Soila Sindiyo Child Trauma Therapist Founder of The Divorce Magazine
Soila Sindiyo
Child Development Psychologist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine

There’s something about divorce that forces out your creative side and teaches you how to become financially stable.

You learn how to cope with problems and manage to find the most amazing solutions to overcoming the hurdles that come your way.

There are many, both men and women, who find themselves in dire financial situations after the divorce process with little chance of either working full-time because of the children or getting good enough employment because it’s been a while since they worked for someone else.

What I see in divorce are the amazing opportunities that it presents people in creating something that works best for them.

I’m talking about finding a way to bear financial stability by retraining, starting your business or working for yourself in one form or other. Many have done it and many will continue doing it.

If you’re thinking of retraining and are not sure what you want to do or which direction you would like to go, I would suggest taking your time looking through the floodlight website, finding as many courses as you can that you may have even a slight interest in, list them and then shortlist further to a total of 5.  Then enrol on the first course.

If you fall in love with your first choice then great!  If not move on down to the second choice and so on and so forth.

I realise that floodlight only applies to Londoners but it shouldn’t prevent you from looking through the course list and then checking if your preferred courses are being offered in your own area.

start-upWhen it comes to starting your own business, best thing to do is first find out if there is indeed a need for the type of service or product you wish to launch.  Do your research.  Ask your family and friends what they think then get down to writing your business plan.

Avoid being inflexible and remain open to ideas and criticism, but never give up on your wish to be an entrepreneur!  If he first idea doesn’t seem all that good after all, then what else can you do?

Some people find franchising a good way of working for themselves while others feel that it prevents you from being as creative as you would like as you have to adhere to your franchisor’s rules and regulations.

I did it for a few years back in the early 90s, when I ran an after school French club for children and loved it.  I made money without having to create the products, all I had to do was find something that I knew I would enjoy selling and voila, everything fell into place.

Facing financial difficulties after divorce is so very common but it doesn’t mean that your situation has to remain the same in your life after divorce does it?

If you have the drive, the wish and the need, you will find a way.  Of course it’s not easy. Nothing good ever comes easy.  Free yourself from what you don’t want in your life after divorce.

We are so lucky to be living in an era where anything is possible including building your life by learning how to become financially stable.  To borrow a line from a known company, go on, “just do it.”

 

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the five-star-rated  online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

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Divorce for Men

Finding Happiness after Divorce

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Happiness may have alluded one during marriage and finding it after divorce is high on the list.

What exactly is happiness?

It is a transient feeling which requires frequent boosters. Planning an exotic getaway, buying designer shoes on sale, or a day at the spa bring on happiness temporarily.

Once the boost is over then one looks for another fix. We are born with a set point for happiness and various studies put it between 33% to 50%. This means that how happy we are is partly due to genetics and we can control the rest.

Some people seem to be born cheerful and others more morose, as I have witnessed in the school setting.

Andrew Carnegie, the American philanthropist born in Scotland, said “If you want to be happy – set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes.”

During divorce, just surviving and getting through it may be the goal. After divorce come up with long-term ones such as exploring the world, a better financial situation or balancing family and work.  Cultivating a positive outlook helps one to view the world as a friendlier, safer place. If one expects to be treated badly, then they perceive normal interactions with others as negative.

In one study on happiness, people were asked to think about a memory. The happier folks thought of happy ones. The test subjects who were depressed gravitated towards sad or unhappy remanences.

finding happiness after divorceWhat is the secret to happiness?

Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert states “The quality of connections with people is the biggest predictor of happiness.” This message is echoed in a 75 year study by Harvard of 268 men in regards to life satisfaction and happiness. Psychiatrist George Valliant was one of the researchers who found that “The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.”

Post-divorce focus on the quality of the connection with other people. Having several close friends brings more happiness than 500 ones on social media. What is important is engaging with others. Strengthen your ties to friends post-divorce. American psychologist Jaime Kurtz has done much research on happiness in the field of positive psychology.

To sustain happiness is to have meaning and purpose in life.

Ask yourself these questions. What inspires you? What is your passion? What drives you? If you are drifting along and not sure what you want to do after divorce, map out a life plan.

Where do you see yourself next year, in five years, in ten? Giving back to others, whether volunteering, doing pro bono work, or mentoring helps give meaning to life.

It is easy to be self-absorbed and reaching out to others creates healthy connections. Some people post-divorce started practicing gratitude, where they learned on a regular basis to appreciate the good happenings in their lives. Stop and notice the little things.

If you were on your deathbed now looking back over your life – did you accomplish all that you set out to do? What would any regrets be? What would you have left unfinished and do you have a legacy to pass on to family and friends? This is a good starting place to examine what you want to still accomplish.

People that I talked to on their deathbeds, wished they had spent more time with others or had travelled to specific destinations. Let this guide you into have a more fulfilling life which brings happiness. Schedule fun activities with friends and family. Since these only affect happiness on a short-term basis, fill your calendar with these events.

This may be the time to adopt a pet who showers you with unconditional affection. It takes time to heal after divorce, however if feeling like you cannot climb out of a black pit, then seek some help.

Wendi Schuller - Global Guide to Divorce

 

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certied in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 100 published articles.

Her other book is The Woman’s Holistic Guide to Divorce. Web site is globalguidetodivorce.com.

 

 

photo credit: ‘Happy’, United States, New York, New York City, Noho via photopin (license)

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What is a Freelancer
/

Back to Work – What is a Freelancer?

Published on
Griselda Kumordzie Togobo
Griselda Kumordzie Togobo Owner of Forward Ladies

Being self-employed is a decision that isn’t taken lightly by most people.

The legal structure you choose to operate your business with should be taken just as seriously as the initial decision to go self-employed. This is because the legal structure impacts the potential risks, compliance issues, financial and tax implications that you will face as a self employed business owner.

Lets assume that as a first step into self-employment, you decide to trade your skills as a professional freelancer.

Freelancing and contracting tend to be used interchangeably however the main difference is with the number of clients you work with at any given time.

Whilst freelancers tend to work with several clients at a given time, contractors tend to be contracted to work with just one client over a fixed period of time. Whether you call yourself a freelancer or contractor is irrelevant to Her Majesty Revenue and Customs (HMRC), you still need to make sure that you pay the right tax on time.

HMRC are very keen on investigating “employees” disguised as limited companies in order to pay a lower corporation tax rate. This is called the IR35 status which every freelancer or contractor needs to be aware of. This can potentially create fines and huge tax charges accumulated as a result of being taxed at a lower limited company rate.

Freelancers enjoy flexibility, independence and freedom as a result of being their own boss. As a freelancer, you have the option of operating your freelance business as a sole trader, limited company, partnerships or limited liability partnerships or through a PAYE umbrella company.

What is a freelancer?  Each will be described briefly but it is always worth speaking to an accountant to decide the best structure for you.

Sole trader

A sole trader is simply someone who runs a business without registering it separately as a different entity.

This is the simplest and least cumbersome way of starting and running a business. All you need to do is inform the Inland Revenue within 3 months of starting to trade that you are now a sole trader.

The downside of being a sole trader is that you are personally liable and responsible for any debts run up by your business. This effectively means that your personal assets may be recovered to pay off any debts that your business racks up! A sole trader pays income tax and national insurance contributions on their earnings.

what is a freelancerLimited company

When you operate your freelance business through a limited company, you become a director who is responsible for managing the affairs of the business (which is considered to be separate from you).

Having a limited company offers some protection when things go wrong.

Your personal assets are protected in case the company has to be liquidated or dissolved which usually happens when the company is unable to meet its financial commitments.

You are personally protected from bankruptcy arising from business losses. This makes it easier to recover from any business failures and to try again. There are also tax advantages in the form of lower tax rates and deductible expenses for limited companies. Directors of limited companies pay both Income Tax and NICs on their director’s earnings.

 

Partnerships (ordinary or limited)

Partnerships are business where two or more persons, the partners set up a business and share the risks, costs and responsibilities of being in business.

Partners can be individuals, businesses or other partnerships. Ordinary partnerships are unincorporated businesses (the business has no separate identity from the partners). An ordinary partnership is the simplest form of partnership much like a sole trader.

With limited partnerships or limited liability partnerships the business is registered as a separate entity therefore the personal assets of the partners are protected when things go wrong, similar to a private limited company.

Each partner in any partnership needs to pay tax on their share of the profits and gains, and make National Insurance contributions on their earnings.

The main issues with incorporation (for both partnerships and limited companies) are the burden and cost of compliance. If you are however serious about running a freelance business then you shouldn’t be discouraged by the extra administration. In most cases, the benefits of incorporation far outweigh the disadvantages.

PAYE Umbrella companies

Freelancing through an umbrella company is a hustle free way of freelancing because you effectively outsource the invoicing and administrative aspect of being in business to the umbrella company who act as your employers.

The umbrella company acts as an agency and contracts you to various organisations.

The umbrella company pays you a salary through PAYE so you don’t need to worry about tax and NIC contributions but you potentially earn less than the other structures because you directly or indirectly pay for the service.

As a final word, starting any business venture is exciting but you must be certain there is a market and demand for your expertise.

Without demand, it can be stressful and an uphill struggle getting clients, which defeats the whole purpose of freelancing in the first place.

 

Griselda Kumordzie Togobo is a business consultant, speaker and coach dedicated to helping business owners increase their profits and productivity. She is a chartered accountant and holds an MPhil in Industrial Systems, Manufacture and Management from Wolfson College, Cambridge University.

I’m also an Enterprise Ambassador at Leeds University and guest lecture on entrepreneurship.

I founded AWOVI Consulting after a career with an international professional services firm where I provided business advisory services to small and medium sized Enterprises, Charities, The NHS and blue-chip companies.

I also own and run Forward Ladies where I am on a mission to make a difference in the lives of entrepreneurs as well as career women. Check it out.

 

 

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starve your fears
/

Life After Divorce – Starve Your Fears: Feed Your Confidence

Published on
Susie Johns
Susie Johns
Intuitive Counsellor and Life Strategist

Language is potent. Think about it; Starve – Feed.

Most women have had or continue to have, an uneasy relationship with being healthily fed; physically and emotionally.

We diet, even starve ourselves, we lose weight and we put it back on. In order to maintain a healthy weight we have to feed our healthy emotions and starve our negative fears relating to our body image. Otherwise all we are doing is transferring the obsession from eating to not eating.

Similarly, in feeding a confidence that sustains, we have to analyse the emotional source and patterns behind our fears in order to release them.

We know that going on a starvation diet just does not work, so that is why, to build up your confidence we need to think less about starving our fears but about feeding our confidence.

We are human and therefore, flawed and it’s normal to feel irrational fears; it’s completely unrealistic to eliminate fear … it’s an important part of our flight or fight mechanism, an integral part of our psyche.

Sometimes we can starve our fears to death but mostly, we need to think more about harnessing them and working with them; understanding their source; why they come to the surface at this particular time and how to safely work it through to arrive at a more confident, experienced you. It’s a little like managing a child, in fact, your inner child.

On a wider scale, fear is used in society to control the masses.  Fear cripples us and keeps us in our place; but what place? A place chosen by society.

By that I mean your birth, your talents, your limitations that allow you to have so much ‘success’ but we will cripple you if you try to go beyond your given ‘box’.

After years of patterning, we then take up the mantle of control and limitation and do it to ourselves. We become experts at feeding our fears and giving reasons not excuses for being stuck. We no longer need an outside voice to restrict our aspirations and our achievements. We give our fears a banquet!

Do not despair. You can change – we all can.

starve your fears
starve your fears and moving on after divorce. Coping with divorce and life after divorce

Firstly, identify your main fear. With many of my clients, for example, it boils down to a constant struggle between fear of success/fear of failure.

Attaining your goal and sustaining your success can be as daunting as failure. Failure can be a familiar, oddly ‘comforting’ emotion. UNDERSTAND your fear; know its origins; look at all the situations since that time which have reinforced and fed that fear. Now you can recognise the fear each time it enters your head.

Secondly, BELIEVE that you can change and transform the fear by feeding it a powerful rather than a fearful response.

Stella, was back in the workplace after being a mum for 7 years. She had acquired a great job based on her past credentials but she was so afraid that she would blow it in her first week.

I told her to remember a moment in her life when she felt on top of her career; to visualise the scene, to feel that emotion in her body and almost be there again; that every time she felt panic, she had to starve those feelings and feed herself with the positive visualisation. She had to find other moments of success and feed them to her brain before she went to sleep and before she got up.

So we come to ‘feeling’ those moments of success in every cell of our bodies. These FEELINGS of success begin to join up and there comes a critical mass that feeds itself and thus the fear is starved.

By continuously feeding our cells with ‘success’, there is no room for sensations of ‘failure’ and this is how it will wither away.

Remember, you have been feeding yourself incorrectly for years so don’t give up if things don’t change in a week. We have to keep doing it to succeed. Your confidence will grow and grow.

The key is to work on feeding your confidence, otherwise the doing centre keeps getting fed the old messages and will, at best, do a watered down version of it. If you find yourself feeling an old fear rising, replace it with a positive feeling. Then just breathe all this in and DO it. Think of this reprogramming as a continuous part of life. Practice really does make perfect.

Breathing is a simple and powerful technique that can feed your confidence. They say everything from the blood is fed into the cells on the Out breath. So, learn to breathe in for a count of 4 and out for a count of 8 – smooth even breaths. You’ll find your heart rate calming and your body relaxing and rebalancing quickly if you focus solely on your breath.

In my line of work, the Solar Plexus Chakra (energy centre) – is seen as our seat of self-confidence. It is here that we can feel our doubts and fears when under duress.

We slouch or fold our arms across it to instinctively protect this area. So, visualise a beautiful halo of yellow light around your midriff. See if you can feel the heat radiating from within. Feel this heat melting the fear.

So, to recap, identify and UNDERSTAND your main fear; be vigilant; watch when it shows itself.  BELIEVE you can transform it into positive energy that feeds your confidence and sense of self.  Put energy into FEELING differently about yourself and your situation.  Use practical methods to create new patterns of BEHAVIOUR based on your healthy feelings. It’s in this way that you starve your fears and feed your confidence.

Finally, remember, self-confidence is not about being perfect and always getting life right. Self-confidence is about feeling comfortable with who you are, flaws and all. It’s about trusting your integrity and experience to work things out and get to where you need to be.

We can all be a better realised person but our flaws give us compassion, humility, intuition and creativity. Make sure you feed this message to yourself as well as to others.

Susie Johns is an internationally acclaimed Psychic, Intuitive Counsellor, and Life Strategist; Her classes, workshops, articles, books, and private sessions empower people everywhere through self-awareness. Her goal is to help you gain insight into the bigger picture of your life so that you can face your demons, develop a plan of action, and overcome negative patterns to achieve true fulfilment.

 

 

 

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