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When One Household Becomes Two: The Retirement Crisis Hidden Inside Divorce
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When One Household Becomes Two: The Retirement Crisis Hidden Inside Divorce

Published on
Sarah Hawkins
Sarah Hawkins
CEO
National Family Mediation (NFM)

Every September, Pensions Awareness Week encourages us to think about our future. We are reminded to check our pension statements, review our retirement savings and ask ourselves whether we are putting enough aside to enjoy the retirement we hope for.

They are important conversations, but I believe we are overlooking another one.

What happens to those carefully made retirement plans when a marriage ends?

At National Family Mediation, we are seeing a growing number of people in their fifties seeking support as they navigate separation. Around one in ten enquiries we received between April 2025 and March 2026 came from people aged over 50. That tells me something important. Later-life separation is no longer a niche issue; it reflects the changing reality of modern family life.

I’ve never been particularly fond of the phrase “grey divorce”. It conjures images of couples quietly separating after retirement, with grown-up children, mortgage-free homes and relatively straightforward finances.

That simply isn’t what we see.

Today’s fifty-somethings are often still paying mortgages, helping children through university, supporting adult children who cannot yet afford to leave home and, increasingly, caring for ageing parents. Many still have another ten or fifteen years of work ahead of them. They are making decisions about school fees, university costs, housing and day-to-day household finances long before they are thinking seriously about retirement.

Those immediate pressures naturally dominate conversations when relationships break down.

People come to mediation to work through the practical realities of separation: what happens to the family home, how ongoing financial commitments will be managed, whether children can still be supported through education and how both people can move forward on secure financial footing.

Pensions are rarely the first thing people mention.

Yet once the wider financial picture is laid out, they quickly become one of the most important parts of the conversation.

For couples over 50, pensions form part of almost every financial mediation we facilitate because they sit alongside housing, mortgages, savings, investments and debt as part of a complete financial settlement. By this stage of life, a pension is often one of the largest assets a couple has accumulated, sometimes worth more than the family home itself.

The irony is that while retirement may still feel years away, this is often the point at which pension decisions matter most. After decades of saving, pension pots have had time to grow, but they are rarely equal.

Career breaks to raise children, periods spent caring for relatives, part-time working, differences in earnings and, for some families, disruption to careers during the pandemic have all influenced how much people have been able to save. That means pension wealth can vary significantly between partners, making it one of the most valuable – and often most misunderstood – assets to consider.

Looking only at today’s financial pressures can mean overlooking the asset that will shape tomorrow’s financial security.

The full new State Pension is currently worth just over £12,500 a year, and not everyone will receive that amount. Entitlement depends on an individual’s National Insurance record, meaning career breaks, caring responsibilities and periods of part-time work can all affect what someone ultimately receives.

Even for those entitled to the full amount, the State Pension alone is unlikely to provide the retirement most people would hope for. According to the current Retirement Living Standards, a single person now needs around £13,900 a year simply to achieve a minimum standard of living in retirement, while a two-person household requires around £22,500. Those figures represent a basic standard of living rather than a comfortable one.

Meanwhile, the wider outlook for retirement is becoming increasingly challenging. Pensions UK estimates that one in five workers is projected to fall short of even the minimum Retirement Living Standard. The FCA says that around 2.8 million people are carrying persistent credit card debt, while it’s 2024 Financial Lives Survey found that more than 3.8 million retirees worry that their money will not last throughout retirement.

We are also living longer. The ONS says that a woman reaching the age of 65 in the 2030s can expect to live until around 89, while a man can expect to live to around 87. Many more people will live well into their nineties, with growing numbers celebrating their 100th birthday. Longer lives are something to celebrate, but they also mean retirement savings need to stretch much further than previous generations ever imagined.

Housing is changing too. Pensions UK projects that by 2030, more than one in ten people aged over 65 will be living in privately rented accommodation. For many, retirement will no longer mean living mortgage-free in a home they own outright. Instead, it may involve paying rent alongside rising energy bills, higher food costs and all the other financial pressures that have become familiar during the cost-of-living crisis.

Taken together, these trends paint a sobering picture. Retirement security is becoming harder to achieve at precisely the moment when later-life separation is becoming more financially complex.

Nobody likes the thought of sharing a pension they have spent decades building. That is entirely understandable. People have worked hard, contributed throughout their careers and naturally want to protect the future they have planned.

But perhaps there is another question worth asking.

Most people also do not want someone they once loved to spend retirement worrying about whether they can afford to heat their home, pay the weekly food shop or cope with an unexpected bill. This is not about suggesting that every pension should be divided equally or that one person should sacrifice their own future for the other. Every family is different, every financial picture is unique and every settlement should reflect those circumstances.

What matters is that decisions are made with a full understanding of their long-term consequences.

Too often, pensions are traded against other assets without fully appreciating what they represent. Keeping a greater share of the equity in the family home may feel like the better outcome today, but twenty years later it may be pension income – not bricks and mortar – that determines whether someone enjoys financial independence or faces financial insecurity.

That is why mediation has such an important role to play. It creates the space for practical, informed conversations about the whole financial picture, including pensions, property, savings, mortgages, investments and debt. Rather than focusing solely on who gets what, mediation helps couples understand the implications of the choices they are making so they can reach fair, informed agreements that give both people the best possible chance of financial security in later life.

These conversations are rarely easy, but they are essential. Every pound spent on unnecessary conflict is a pound that cannot be invested in retirement, housing or supporting the next generation.

For years, we have encouraged people to save more for retirement, and rightly so. But perhaps Pensions Awareness Week should also remind us that protecting our retirement is about more than increasing our pension contributions. It is also about making informed decisions when life takes an unexpected turn.

We cannot change the housing market. We cannot immediately reverse the cost-of-living crisis. We cannot stop people living longer, nor should we want to. What we can do is ensure that when relationships end, people understand the long-term financial consequences of the decisions they make.

If we are serious about tackling pension insecurity, we need to recognise that later-life divorce is no longer simply a family law issue. It is increasingly a retirement planning issue too.

Divorce marks the end of a relationship, but it should never become the beginning of avoidable financial hardship in later life. If this Pensions Awareness Week encourages separating couples to understand the true value of their pensions before making life-changing decisions, it will have achieved something that benefits not only today’s families, but the society we are all growing older in.

Read more articles by Sarah Hawkins.

About Sarah Hawkins

Sarah Hawkins is the CEO of National Family Mediation (NFM), the largest provider of family mediation services in England and Wales. A passionate advocate for conflict resolution and family wellbeing, Sarah has over 20 years of experience helping families navigate the emotional and legal challenges of separation and divorce.

📍 www.nfm.org.uk | 📧 info@nfm.org.uk | 📱 @FamilyMediationNFM

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International Divorce: What is a Jurisdiction Battle and Why Does It Matter?
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International Divorce: What is a Jurisdiction Battle and Why Does It Matter?

Published on
Ruben Sinha

Partner in the Family Team

JMW Solicitors LLP

You may live in England, own property overseas or have a spouse who spends much of their time in another country. If your marriage ends, more than one court may be able to deal with the divorce and the court chosen could have a major impact on your finances. Taking advice before either spouse starts proceedings can help you protect your position and avoid a costly dispute.

What is a jurisdiction battle?

A jurisdiction battle is a disagreement about which country’s courts should deal with a divorce. It can arise, for example, where one spouse starts proceedings in England and Wales while the other believes the case should be dealt with abroad.

Why does it matter where you divorce?

The country dealing with your divorce may also decide the financial arrangements that follow it. Different courts can take different approaches to property, businesses, trusts, pensions, maintenance, inherited wealth, assets owned before the marriage and pre-nuptial or post-nuptial agreements. The choice of court may therefore affect what information must be disclosed, how particular assets are treated, whether an agreement carries weight, how readily an order can be enforced and the overall cost and timing of the case. For families with substantial or complex wealth, those differences can be significant.

Can you divorce in England and Wales?

Before the English court can deal with a divorce, there must be a sufficient legal connection with England and Wales. The relevant rules are set out in section 5 of the Domicile and Matrimonial Proceedings Act 1973. The court will usually look at where each spouse normally lives and, in some cases, where they regard as their permanent home.

These concepts have precise legal meanings. “Habitual residence” broadly means where your life is centred. “Domicile” is different and looks at your permanent home and intentions. The court may consider where you live and work, how settled you are, your family life, and your plans for the future. No single fact will necessarily decide the issue.

If divorce proceedings are already taking place in another country, the English court may be asked to pause—or “stay”—the English case under Schedule 1 to the 1973 Act. The court will consider which country has the closest connection with the family and where the case can be dealt with most fairly and conveniently.

The court may look at where the family has lived, where the assets and evidence are, the progress of each country’s proceedings, likely delay and expense, whether any eventual order can be enforced, and whether both courts can achieve a fair result. Starting first can be relevant, but it does not automatically mean that country will deal with the divorce.

It is also important not to assume that the country dealing with the divorce will necessarily resolve every financial issue. Questions may arise about whether financial claims can be made in another country, whether orders will be recognised or enforced overseas, and whether separate advice is required in relations to tax, trusts, companies or immigration. Mapping those issues at the outset can reveal risks that are not apparent from the divorce application alone.

Should you act quickly?

Yes, but the right strategy is more important than simply trying to issue divorce proceedings first. If proceedings have started, or may be about to start, in another country, advice should be taken immediately on jurisdiction, enforcement and the risk of conflicting orders. There may be steps available to protect your position, but court orders stopping or restricting foreign proceedings are exceptional. Rushing to court without a sound legal and evidential basis can increase costs, expose strategy prematurely and make the wider financial dispute harder to resolve.

Practical steps to take 

  1. Take advice before starting or responding to proceedings. You may need coordinated advice in more than one country.
  2. Prepare a simple timeline. Record where you and your spouse have lived and worked, your important moves and the dates of any court proceedings.
  3. Keep relevant documents. These may include travel records, immigration documents, tax records, property papers and evidence about your future plans.
  4. Tell your lawyer about any overseas steps. Share details of every foreign application, hearing, agreement or order as soon as possible.
  5. Identify where the assets and decision-makers are. Consider homes, businesses, pensions, trusts and investments, together with the location of trustees, company records, advisers and key documents. Your legal team will also need to consider whether an order made in one country can be recognised and enforced in another.

How legal advice can help

International divorce cases are highly fact-specific, and the right approach will depend on the connections between the family, their finances and the countries involved. Early specialist advice can clarify which courts may have jurisdiction, identify immediate risks and bring together the legal, financial, tax and enforcement issues that may affect the family’s wider wealth. Where advice is required in more than one country, a coordinated strategy can reduce uncertainty, avoid conflicting steps and help ensure that important decisions are made with a clear view of their long-term consequences.

About Ruben Sinha

Ruben Sinha is a Partner in JMW’s Family Law team and Head of JMW Signature, the firm’s cross-practice service for high and ultra-high net worth individuals, families, family offices and family businesses. He advises on complex divorce and financial cases involving substantial wealth, international assets, businesses, trusts, nuptial agreements and asset protection. 

Ruben has particular experience of cases in which family law issues overlap with wider questions of ownership, governance, tax, succession and long-term wealth planning. He works closely with JMW colleagues across private wealth, contentious trusts, tax, corporate and other specialist teams, as well as trusted advisers in overseas jurisdictions, to provide coordinated and practical advice. Ruben’s approach is strategic and commercially focused. He helps clients understand the immediate legal issues while keeping sight of the wider financial picture, the need for discretion and the long-term consequences for the client, their family and any underlying business or wealth structures.

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Looking Beyond the Settlement: Why Financial Planning Matters Early in Divorce

Looking Beyond the Settlement: Why Financial Planning Matters Early in Divorce

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Damion Keyworth
Damion Keyworth
Financial Advisor
Perspective Financial Group Limited

Separation and divorce are among life’s biggest transitions. Alongside the emotional challenges come important decisions about your home, your finances and your future.

Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of helping many people navigate this journey. One thing I’ve seen time and again is that the earlier financial planning becomes part of the conversation, the more confidence people have in the decisions they make.

Many people understandably begin by speaking to a family solicitor. Legal advice is essential, but financial planning can add another valuable perspective by helping answer a simple question:

“Will the decisions I make today still work for me five, ten or twenty years from now?”

Looking Beyond the Numbers

A financial settlement may appear fair on paper, but that doesn’t always mean it will provide long-term financial security.

Two people may leave a marriage with assets of a similar value yet experience very different financial futures depending on their income, housing costs, pensions, tax position, childcare responsibilities and retirement plans.

This is where financial planning can make a real difference.

Rather than focusing solely on how assets are divided, we look at how those assets will support your life in the years ahead. Using cashflow forecasting, we can model different settlement options and explore what they might mean over the long term.

For example, it’s perfectly understandable that someone may wish to remain in the family home because it offers stability during an uncertain time. However, careful planning may show that maintaining the property could place pressure on future income or retirement plans. Equally, pension arrangements that seem reasonable today may have unintended consequences later in life.

Having this insight before decisions are finalised allows people to make informed choices with greater confidence.

Working Together for Better Outcomes

In my experience, the best outcomes happen when financial planning is introduced alongside legal advice rather than after most of the important decisions have already been made.

Family solicitors play a vital role in helping clients achieve a fair legal settlement. Mortgage advisers help assess borrowing options and affordability. Divorce coaches provide invaluable emotional support throughout what is often a very difficult period.

A financial planner brings these conversations together by considering how each decision affects your long-term financial wellbeing.

It’s not about replacing the expertise of other professionals. It’s about complementing it.

Bringing the Future into Focus

One of the most valuable tools available during divorce is cashflow forecasting.

Instead of focusing only on today’s assets, it allows you to see how your finances may develop over the next five, ten or even twenty years.

It can help answer questions such as:

  • Will my income be enough?
  • Can I realistically afford to keep my home?
  • When will my pensions become available?
  • How might inflation affect my future spending?
  • Will I have enough to enjoy the retirement I want?

Sometimes the analysis provides reassurance that a proposed settlement is sustainable. On other occasions, it highlights areas that may benefit from further discussion before agreements are finalised.

Either way, it gives people greater clarity at a time when certainty can feel in short supply.

A Collaborative Approach

One aspect of my work that I particularly enjoy is working alongside other professionals who support people through separation and divorce.

I regularly attend a local networking group where family solicitors, mortgage advisers, divorce coaches and other specialists come together to share knowledge and discuss how we can improve the experience for the people we all support.

Those conversations reinforce something I strongly believe: no single professional sees the whole picture.

When advisers work collaboratively, clients benefit from clearer communication, fewer unexpected issues and advice that considers both the immediate settlement and the life that follows.

After all, divorce isn’t simply a legal process. It’s the beginning of a new financial chapter.

About Damion Keyworth

I help people make confident, well-informed financial decisions so they can live the lifestyle they want — not just when they retire, but throughout life.

My approach:
• Listen carefully to your goals and priorities
• Clarify your current financial position
• Explore the lifestyle you have today and the one you want tomorrow
• Create a clear financial plan to bridge the gap
• Review regularly so the plan keeps working as life changes

“It’s not all about the money — it’s about lifestyle. Doing the things you want to do while you’re fit and healthy enough to do them.”

Only once we’ve understood your life and goals do we consider whether financial products are needed to support the plan.

I also specialise in financial planning around separation and divorce. Having written “Financial Planning & Divorce”, I understand how complex pensions, assets, and lifestyle choices become during this time.

My aim is to work collaboratively with solicitors, mediators, and other professionals to ensure clients make informed financial decisions at every stage of the process. If this is an area where you’d like support — whether as a client or a professional partner — please feel free to connect.

I’m a Pension/Retirement Specialist with over 20 years’ experience, a member of the CII, CISI and Resolution. Backed by Perspective Financial Group — one of the UK’s leading national financial planning and wealth management firms with 36 offices and 450+ staff — I bring both local understanding and national expertise.

You only get one life. Let’s make it count.

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Splitting Personal Property in Divorce

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Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller
Dating Coach
Author of the Global Guide to Divorce

One of the most difficult aspects of divorce can be spitting assets. This can be quite emotional, particularly when treasured items were given to you both as a couple. Over the years. people have shared what works and their biggest regrets.  

Marital Home 

This is tricky – whether one stays and buys the other out, or the place is sold. A concern can be to have less upheaval for children and let them remain in the marital home with one parent.  This can backfire in an acrimonious break-up.  

An example of this is Annabel’s situation. Her husband wanted to remain in the marital home with the two teens. Although her intuition screamed it was a bad idea, she agreed. The kids came home from various after school activities and did not want to leave the house and have dinner with her. The daughter refused visitation, claiming she was too tired. The son ended up going on some weekends and has a good relationship with his mum. 

Annabel found out later in family counselling that John was telling the daughter in particular,  “Your mum left us. She wants a new life.” Her brother blew it off and her daughter believed that they had been abandoned. If they had both relocated some of this drama could have been avoided.   In a friendly divorce, it may not matter about the marital home as it does in a contentious one. 

Joint presents 

When given presents as a couple, divide up property by who gave them. His side or hers when both want the same item. For example, my mum gave us a Waterford chandelier and two light fixtures. My former husband claimed we needed to divide them up between us. She had to put in writing for the solicitors that all three were to be given to me.  

When dividing wedding gifts, I kept things from my side. I separated gifts from his friends and family so he could get those. It is trickier when joint gift money was spent on a painting etc. What some couples do is make a list. What is most important to them and what can they live without.  Also, when there are similar items, each person gets one. This works better when they are able to negotiate.  

Pick your battles 

Division may not seem fair with personal property. In one case, the wife gave expensive collectible coins on various gift-giving occasions, He gave her thoughtful presents in return, many of which were cat or travel themed. They were much appreciated. In the divorce it turned nasty. Seth had a treasure trove he could sell and Pippa did not. Pippa had a decision to make. Should she pursue the disparity between these gifts or let this slide and go after bigger assets. Pippa opted to go after the more important ones, such as stock and splitting his retirement pension. Since John felt he got away with keeping all the old coins he was calmer, when the more important issues came up.   

What you brought into the marriage you can take. This is true even if the value is quite different. If you brought in the designer goods then they are yours.  

During our divorce my husband’s solicitor told me this. “If both parties are unhappy, then I know the division of property was fair. If one person is very happy, then it wasn’t.” 

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

About Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again.  https://globalguidetodivorce.com  She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.  

She writes a children’s book series with the latest, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London. Also The Adventures Of Margo, Girl Detective.w

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What to Expect in the Early Stages of Divorce
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What to Expect in the Early Stages of Divorce

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Chris Sweetman
Chris Sweetman
Editor at The Divorce Magazine
Director at Fair Result

Sponsored post by Fair Result.

The Team at Fair Result Provide Clear Guidance and Reassurance for Those Taking the First Steps

Divorce is often viewed as a daunting and overwhelming process, filled with uncertainty and emotional ups and downs. If you are considering separation or have just begun thinking about divorce, understanding what to expect in the early stages can help reduce anxiety and put you on a path towards a fair and practical resolution. At Fair Result, we’re committed to providing fixed-fee legal support, guiding you through each step with clarity and reassurance.

Demystifying Divorce and Our Supportive Role

The idea of divorce can conjure images of lengthy court battles, spiralling costs, and emotional turmoil. The process is often much more straightforward, especially with the right guidance and support. Fair Result is here to help you navigate the early stages with confidence, offering practical advice and transparent, fixed-fee services so you know exactly where you stand.

Initial Considerations: Laying the Groundwork

Before starting the formal process, it’s wise to take some practical steps that will make things smoother later on:

  • Gather Financial Documents: Begin collecting information on your income, savings, debts, pensions, and assets. Having these documents to hand will help your legal advisor give you accurate guidance and ensure a fair division of finances.
  • Plan Childcare and Living Arrangements: Consider where you and your children will live and how childcare will be organised. Early, open conversations about these arrangements can prevent misunderstandings and help maintain stability for everyone involved.
  • Think About Your Priorities: Reflect on what matters most to you, whether it’s minimising disruption for your children, securing your financial future, or achieving an amicable outcome. Being clear on your goals will help your solicitor support you effectively.

Starting the Divorce Process: Filing, Paperwork, and Timelines

Once you’re ready to proceed, the formal divorce process begins with filing a divorce application (sometimes called a petition/application) on the government’s online Divorce Portal. Here’s what to expect:

  • Filing the Application: You can apply online or by post. The application asks for basic details about your marriage and the reasons for divorce, now simplified under “no-fault” divorce rules.
  • Serving Papers: After filing online, your spouse will receive the application and has a set time to respond. This is a straightforward step and does not automatically mean a court appearance is necessary. It is only when your spouse is being difficult and refusing to accept online service of the application that you need process servers to physically serve the application.
  • Timelines: There is a mandatory waiting period (the “cooling off” period) before the conditional order can be granted, designed to give both parties time to reflect. The entire process can takes a minimum of 20 weeks as set out in legislation, but much depends on how quickly agreements are reached about finances and children. Do not apply for the Final Order on divorce until all financial and child arrangements have been agreed upon and set out in a consent order.
  • Paperwork: Most of the paperwork is standardised and can be completed with your solicitor’s help, ensuring nothing is missed and that your interests are protected.

Communication and Mindset: Legal Advice and Staying Calm

One of the best things you can do early on is to seek legal advice from a specialist. An experienced solicitor will explain your rights and options in plain English, helping you make informed decisions from the outset. At Fair Result, we believe a calm, practical mindset is invaluable. Try to approach discussions with your spouse about children, money, or living arrangements constructively. Remember, most issues can be resolved without confrontation, especially when both sides are informed and supported.

Fixed-Fee Support: Predictable Costs in Stressful Times

Uncertainty about legal fees can add to the stress of divorce. That’s why Fair Result offers fixed-fee packages, so you always know what to expect. With a clear price from the start, you can focus on what matters most, your family and your future, without worrying about spiralling costs or unpleasant surprises. Fixed-fee support gives you peace of mind and helps you stay in control at every stage.

Common Misconceptions: Busting Divorce Myths

Many people fear that divorce inevitably means a bitter court battle, but this is rarely the case. Most divorces are settled amicably through negotiation and agreement, without ever stepping foot in a courtroom. Other myths such as one partner always “winning” or the process dragging on for years are simply not true. With professional advice and a willingness to communicate, most couples can reach a fair settlement efficiently and respectfully.

Emotional and Practical Realities: Setting Expectations

There’s no denying that divorce brings emotional challenges, from sadness and frustration to relief and hope. It’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions, and seeking support from friends, family, or professional counsellors can be invaluable. On the practical side, be prepared for some changes to your daily routines, finances, and living arrangements. With the right support and a clear plan, these adjustments become far more manageable, helping you move forward with confidence.

Take the First Step with Fair Result

Starting divorce proceedings can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to face it alone. By taking practical steps, seeking early advice, and choosing a fixed-fee partner like Fair Result, you can reduce uncertainty and make informed choices for your future. If you’re considering divorce or have questions about the process, contact Fair Result today for clear, supportive, and cost-effective guidance tailored to your needs. We’re here to help you achieve a fair result, every step of the way.

Get in Touch

Call us at 07 500 933 818 or 0333 577 7009

Email peter@fair-result.co.uk or chris@fair-result.co.uk

Read more articles by Chris Sweetman.

About Chris Sweetman

Chris Sweetman is an independent family solicitor and director of Fair Result – An award-winning law office who pride themselves on using innovative ways to help clients through the stress and complications of a marriage breakdown.

Chris can be contacted on 07500933818 or via email chris@fair-result.co.uk.

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Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You
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Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You

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Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

As an experienced Family Law Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer with extensive expertise in litigation, I understand the challenges facing separating couples in finding the right way to divorce for their individual circumstances.

The trepidation of a prolonged, costly and stressful court divorce is prompting an increasing number of  couples to seek out routes such as mediation and collaborative family law which avoid going to court. 

Another option is arbitration where separating couples hire a ‘private judge’ to accelerate the outcome of their financial settlements. 

Known as Alternative Dispute Resolution – because they provide alternatives to litigating in court – these three options put children’s best interests first. They also promote a spirit of spirit of collaboration for spouses and parents to achieve the best solutions.  

I hope the insights below will help you to decide which is best for your unique situation.   

What is mediation?

Mediation is a means of resolving family disputes constructively. It enables you to keep  control over  decisions which will  affect the future of you and your family.  In  the court process you hand those decisions over to a judge, who does not know you or your family and knows nothing about what is important to you. Mediation is appropriate for most situations including the most financially complex. 

Who is involved in mediation?

The private and confidential process takes place in a safe, impartial environment and involves a mediator like me, an independent third party who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement over key areas.  At the outset both of you sign an Agreement to Mediate so negotiations can continue on a ‘without prejudice’ basis. 

The number of discussions/sessions varies for each couple depending upon the complexity of the split. As a facilitator, the mediator assists, guides, and helps you to move dialogue forward.  

Many mediators, myself included, are lawyers and can provide extremely useful information about the law to inform your decisions. 

Whether or not they are legally qualified, mediators will recommend that you each  retain  your own solicitor who can provide specific legal advice where required during the process.

What does success in mediation look like?

A successful outcome in mediation can mean many things.  Many couples choose the mediation process to get to an agreement which is formalised in a binding Court Order. 

Often called a Final Order, this is a legal document which officially terminates your marriage without you having to go to court.  However, mediation has many other advantages, including developing a new way of communicating as separated parents. 

Is mediation compulsory?

No. Mediation is a voluntary process. You may have read about a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) meeting, usually relating to cases involving finances or children, which all divorcing couples are expected to attend before court proceedings are issued. 

These meetings are designed to inform  you both about alternative resolution schemes and to establish if the circumstances are suitable for mediation.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Mediation can result in a swifter resolution, reducing legal expenses which mount up in prolonged court cases between warring couples. Highly confidential, it is a more impartial and considered approach and can lessen the emotional impact of separation and divorce on children. 

What happens if mediation fails? 

Due to its voluntary nature, talks can be concluded at any time if headway is not made. However, there are many ways in which the process can be adapted to get over sticky issues and avoid failure.  

There is an increasing trend towards lawyers being present in mediation sessions to provide technical advice and support during the process, in particular where there are complex legal issues.  

Alternatively, disputed legal points can be determined by bringing in a neutral lawyer to give a view or even an arbitrator to give a binding decision on a particular issue.  All of this can be done in the context of mediation.

What is collaborative family practice?

In collaborative family practice separating couples make a commitment to avoid the court route and to work together with specially trained lawyers to make their own decisions about the future. 

Like mediation, it champions a spirit of collaboration and compromise, is entirely confidential – and puts children’s needs at the heart of discussions.   

How does it work – and who is involved?

You and your ex each appoint your own collaboratively trained lawyer and undertake a series of meetings where you all work together to identify, address and resolve financial, parenting and other key issues.   

Collaborative family lawyers  provide support and legal advice throughout the sessions. Accountants, independent financial advisers, pensions advisers and/or childcare specialists can also attend and provide guidance on a neutral basis. You have as many or as few meetings as are necessary to resolve the issues between you.  

At the outset you, your collaborative lawyers and other specialists involved, sign a Participation Agreement that commits all of you to strive to reach resolutions without going to court. 

The agreement  prevents your collaborative lawyers from representing you in court if the collaborative process fails, ensuring everyone is wholly bought into making the process work.    

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Like mediation, collaborative family  practice puts you and your ex in the driving seat so you can progress the sessions at your own pace, working around your respective work and family commitments. 

Faster, less stressful and more cost effective than going to court, it ensures that everyone involved is committed to achieving a solution. In times where transparency is encouraged in the family courts and journalists can attend hearings, collaborative practice guarantees your family’s privacy.

What happens if a successful outcome is reached? 

Once an agreement is reached, your lawyers will put it into effect, obtaining a formally binding Court Order without you having to go to court. 

What if talks break down?

At any time during the sessions either of you can terminate the process through a Formal Notice of Withdrawal if you feel no headway is being made. Again, as in mediation, failure can be avoided with the right support, including where necessary, an early neutral evaluation or arbitration on disputed legal issues. 

What is the difference between mediation and collaborative family practice?

In mediation, family mediators are neutral – they cannot give advice to either party as their role is  to facilitate discussions.

This differs from collaborative family lawyers who can advise those they represent at the same time as conducting the negotiations. As highlighted above, collaborative lawyers sign up to an agreement not to go to court, which provides a positive investment in the process for the whole team.  

What is arbitration?

Arbitration is a private court hearing where divorcing couples take on a ‘private judge’, officially known as an arbitrator, to achieve a resolution to their financial settlements.  

How does it work?

Like mediation and collaborative family practice, this option, also conducted in a safe and confidential environment, can avoid a prolonged, expensive and, potentially, public court hearing.  

Similar to a judge, the arbitrator hears evidence from both of you, collects relevant facts and bases their decision on the evidence, considering the views of you both.  

The arbitrator then makes an Award over who should have what which is final and binding.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Divorcing couples have the same arbitrator through the process, something which  rarely happens at court where different Judges are involved at different stages of the proceedings.

Quicker, confidential and more flexible than a court option, there is a substantial cost saving when delays are avoided. Divorcing couples set and agree their own timetable at the outset. 

If an arbitrator is to be used, this is something which must be agreed. There is no power to compel anyone to arbitrate. Also, arbitrators have no power to secure disclosure from third parties such as accountants or financial advisors or instruct them to present evidence at meetings.      

Can couples involved in a court divorce opt for arbitration?

Yes. Court rules give judges the power to halt court proceedings to give you both the opportunity to resolve the dispute through arbitration or indeed any other form of NCDR.

In what circumstances do couples choose a court divorce?

This largely depends on the advice which couples receive. Whilst most lawyers will explain all the dispute resolution options to clients, some, who may perhaps have less or no experience of NCDR, are more inclined to recommend court applications.  

The court process has its place. A Judge has the power to compel the production of financial information, ultimately by sending someone guilty of non-disclosure to prison. The court can also order third parties who hold information relevant to the case, for example accountants and other advisers, to provide information. In extreme cases a court can make orders without any engagement from one of the parties. 

What does a court process entail?

Before an application can be made to the court for a Financial Order an application must have been made for a divorce or dissolution of a Civil Partnership.  The various steps required to get a divorce can be found on the Government website.

As outlined above, before a court application can be made for a financial or children order, every divorcing couple must also  attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting

A financial application will involve the exchange of full financial disclosure followed by a series of up to three main court hearings.   

What are the pros and cons of a court process?

The role of the court is to encourage parties to make agreed decisions about their finances and children and, in default of agreement, to make binding decisions for them 

Court orders, whether made by agreement or imposed by a Judge, are legally binding and enforceable. 

There is no privacy in a court divorce, where the proceedings are open. Since 2023 journalists have been able to report in family law courts on cases which include the wellbeing and future of children whose parents are divorcing.  

Couples are appointed a judge, who is unknown to them, and who makes vital decisions on key issues about their future.  Continuity is not assured with different judges often involved in the proceedings.  

Court hearings can be costly, stressful and time consuming. They can heighten conflict between the couple and run the risk of a case being adjourned or unfinished due to pressure on court time or a judge becoming unavailable.

The duration of a court divorce can vary significantly from a few months to years if the divorce is contested. 

The breakdown of a marriage invariably leaves those involved emotionally and physically drained and few couples take the decision to separate and divorce lightly

Knowing where to start on this critical path, which will impact on the future of all involved and affect the wellbeing of children involved, can seem overwhelming.  

Whichever route you take when embarking on divorce, it is critical that you secure the best possible legal advice.

I cannot emphasise enough the importance of working with highly experienced family law professionals like Jones Myers who are members of family law group Resolution and have a strong track record in their respective fields.   

Because we understand that every case is different, our family law experts, who are leaders in their field, deliver a bespoke service, outlining options and offering legal and practical advice at every stage to help them make informed decisions.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Nicki Mitchell

With over three decades of experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk

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Our Relationship is Over: What Do I Do Now?
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Our Relationship is Over: What Do I Do Now?

Published on
James Pirrie
James Pirrie
Director at
Family Law in Partnership

Let’s not sugar coat it, this question “what do I do now?” (at the moment you know you will separate) is the single most important question you will answer in this whole chapter of your life. There will be a lot of other questions that you will be coming to, but get this one right and you should be able to avoid the unreasonable positioning and exhausting demands of a slow process that will cost eye-watering amounts, to achieve to your best possible outcome.  

Here are my ten top tips from helping clients through this part of their lives for the past forty-something years.

1. Ensure you are safe 

Ensure your safety and the safety of your children.  If there is a risk to this then it will dictate how you address the rest of these tips.

Safety at the end of a relationship is a whole topic on its own and planning for it will depend on your situation.  In controlling relationships, it is likely that a whole range of strategies will have been put in place around you by your prospective ex, with the intention of making it impossible for you to go.  The single most important thing is to reach the realisation that yes you are going to leave – it is then about getting the support to manage your way out of the maze. If you need help to leave safely, there are amazing organisations that can help you manage a safe exit.  Everything follows from this.

2. Manage your emergencies

In the same way, some separations have emergencies – personal safety is the most important.  Others can include:

  • jurisdictional races (where one of you could start proceedings in a different country, you may need to act quickly to ensure your divorce takes place where your needs and those of the children will be met favourably)
  • a child being taken abroad to separate them from you (child abduction)
  • information or assets being hidden or disposed of 
  • your being isolated from funds.

Some of these you can address in part – or at least make easier – but many of them are going to require immediate professional help, probably from a solicitor.

The rest of the “to-dos” are subject to emergencies – sometimes you won’t have time to plan your best path, you will feel bounced around by circumstance. Just carry on trying your best, accepting where you are and planning from there. 

3. Consider couple counselling

If there are no safety concerns, this is a consideration that you should not skate past. I have worked for too many people who have said their ex has come back to them some years down the road saying “I got it wrong – I don’t know what I was thinking- is there a way back for us?”. For me that points to a missed opportunity for some serious conversation around what was not working in the relationship and each person’s capacity for change. Of course, the result may still be that you decide to separate, but talking things through a counsellor is also likely to reassure and make for better progress if you do decide to part. 

4. Be kind if you can

So often, perhaps when people come to me midway through, they seem to be in a terrible situation, which they are finding hard to understand. There might be brutality around disclosure or how the finances are being managed for the interim or how arrangements are being set around the children. It is all a bit destructive and aimless, which is a surprise as they’re decent people. So, what went wrong?  Well usually it is about how things started.  

Actions like deception and adultery matter (see my blog here on this very point) – perhaps not to the professionals who know the courts don’t care, but they really matter to the person being deceived and to their kids when they find out.  Brutal and sharp separations are like throwing a huge slab of concrete into a small pond – the splash and ripples are going to play havoc for a while and in unexpected ways.  Stepping out slowly and gently with empathy respect and understanding, can help everyone get through to the smart choices more quickly.

5. Start early

It follows that planning and starting early is usually a positive too, you can pace things more calmly. You don’t find yourself suddenly desperate that it all has to be sorted by the weekend. (That “I have just had it up to here” moment). It also means that you are less likely to be bounced into the “well I am leaving you” discussion at the worst of times in the heat of an argument.  These things are going to be tough and thinking about how to do it in the best way, in the calm, will pay dividends.

6. Get support

All of that is going to point towards you getting individual support.  So many  people say “I don’t need that fluffy stuff …” or “we are not getting back together”. But that is not what this is about. It is about understanding where your ex is and what they are going through. It is about helping you to think of this from their side to be able to move things on in the best way possible. It is tough.  It is practical. It is also short term and goal-oriented.

Find the right support and you will be challenged to do this well, but also supported to do so.  That’s why I recommend that you get professional support – not just support from your mates or family:

This is the other response to my recommendation of professional expertise is “well I am talking to my friends.” The problem with relying solely on friends and family is that:

  • They care too much and as such, are likely to operate like an echo chamber for you: they want to be supportive and are likely to tell you what they think you want to hear – which is not always what you need to hear
  • They may bring their own unresolved personal issues to the conversation and that is not helpful 
  • They don’t have the training to help you process everything in a constructive way 
  • Their advice is likely to be on the hoof, quick answers without the depth of consideration that is really needed
  • You may find yourself managing your choices to keep them satisfied.

Without meaning to cast aspersions on your inner circle, you are also sharing confidences with them which may well be shared with others. 

I could go on but in essence, therapists are likely to be the most valuable in monetary terms. Find the right one and use them.

7. Think and write

So you know you are going to need to get some advice and guidance (how else are you going to have the anchor of knowing your rights and obligations – how else would you recognise a good deal?). Lawyers charge by time and will read a well-organised briefing way quicker than they can ask questions and you answer them. Many firms will have an information gatherer on their website. If you want to get the most from your time with a lawyer and keep costs time, you would prepare:

  • A balance sheet of where you are now:
    •  who is in the family and who are the relatives and important other people in your lives
    • all the dates and details that are going to be needed such as when the relationship started, was formalised and ended
    • and yes those financial numbers all pinned down so far as known. 
    • In addition there will be descriptions of what is going on – what everyone is like; how are your children doing, pictures etc.  
  • An account of how you got here this is likely to take in your families of origin, education, careers, first homes, challenges and so on
  • And then the quick fire document for a first call: The super brief summary and a clear vision of what you want and what you think are the hurdles to getting there.

Indeed sometimes I think that this last piece of knowing what you are needing is the single most important piece of work that will be in your briefing for the next step.

8. Find the right professional

This can feel like a minefield. There are directories ranking legal professionals, but they may not be your best starting point.  What you are likely to want is that skilled professional whom you trust because they get you and their values resonate with yours, simple as that.  

When you are researching there will be lots of focus on who does what process and your head can spin with the terms likely to be coming at you:  negotiation/ collaborative/ co-operative/ one lawyer/ together/ amicable/ litigation/ mediation/ child inclusion/ hybrid/ integrative, but that shouldn’t be your worry: Your job is to be clear about your needs (those hurdles you identified at stage 7), not the process (which is what the professional brings to accommodate them). It is the professional’s job to show that they have heard you and to explain their recommendation.  If you are convinced, you have the start of your plan. If you are not then say so – if you are not heard, you may not be in the right room so think about moving on now.  

It is why you might do well to choose a professional who is serious about all the different ways of doing things – it will ensure you are presented with all the options. Many lawyers will only have one qualification, permitting them to negotiate your case  with the court as a fall back and the court is the last place most people want to end up.  If your lawyer doesn’t know, isn’t familiar with and doesn’t use collaborative, mediation or arbitration  then just have in mind that these ways that might suit you better will probably not be on the menu for discussion.

9. Be brave …ish

Sitting down to talk with your ex may be absolutely the last thing you want to do, and of course you shouldn’t compromise safety, but for most people, a professionally assisted conversation with a neutral person (likely to be in mediation – but potentially “one lawyer”) is likely to be the fast route to finding the best solution. Your ex is likely to have a view of what they think the outcome should be and they are going to hang onto it until you can show that you have heard them. It is much harder to do this if your discussion is via letters and emails being fired between lawyers from their respective trenches a seeming “safe” distance away from each other.

The right mediator will help you both to manage a safe and productive conversation even in difficult situations. There would be an assessment and  intake process (called “a MIAM”, standing for Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) when you can gather an understanding of what mediation would be like and talk through whether it is for you. In fact, you are required in most situations to have this meeting even if you wanted ultimately to go to court and I would encourage you to enter this meeting with an open mind as there is a lot of flexibility in mediation and other processes which may mean they are better for you.

10. Think kids

So obvious you may say it didn’t need saying. Where you have children, they are likely to be the lens through which all of this is viewed, you will consider your children:

  • when you take steps to start
  • in how you manage the relationship with your ex (because you are usually going to be co-parenting long term so you will not want to lay waste to how you talk to each other)
  • in the choices you make (for example the geography of your homes and family-friendly career-choices)
  • in the timing of any new relationship
  • in how you work out care and decision making: your children are part of each of you, they need safe arrangements to have a relationship with each of you if possible – and ideally each of you supporting the other to be the best parent you can be.

There is a lot to consider and it is all too easy to delay. But whether this relationship is your future or not is for you to decide and in your heart you will know the answer to that (especially if you have been through tip 3).  

If this relationship is not working and can’t be made to work, it is unlikely to be the best example of “adult relationships” for your kids, but beyond this, please don’t become that person I see so regularly who says “now I know about it all, I should have done this a decade ago, it would have been better for everyone.”

Read more articles by James Pirrie.

Read more articles by Family Law in Partnership.

About James Pirrie

James Pirrie is a Director of Family Law in Partnership, a highly regarded law firm based in London, which specialises in de-escalating conflict in family law.  He is an Arbitrator, Family Solicitor and Mediator accredited in child-inclusive mediation.

James is driven to improve long term outcomes for families who are experiencing separation or divorce.  He is credited with introducing collaborative law to the UK and with changing how children’s needs are addressed during family breakdown through the Parenting after Parting initiative.

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Why You Need a Divorce Team, Not Just a Lawyer
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Why You Need a Divorce Team, Not Just a Lawyer

Published on
chloe-o-contributor
Chloe O.
Alternative Dispute Resolution professional and Certified Divorce Coach
The Divorce and Separation Coach

When people think about divorce, the first professional who comes to mind is usually a lawyer. That is natural, since divorce has an important legal dimension. But relying on one person to guide you through every aspect of divorce is a common mistake. 

I made this mistake myself. During my divorce, my “team” consisted of my lawyer and my parents. I did not know that other professionals could support me. As a result, I agreed to financial arrangements without understanding their long-term consequences. Over time, they proved unsustainable and led to repeated renegotiations, which caused unnecessary conflict.

Divorce affects your finances, your emotional wellbeing, your children, and your long-term future. My experience taught me (the hard way!) that no single professional can provide expert support in all these areas. That is why building a divorce team is one of the most important steps you can take.

Avoiding the “one-person trap”

Money is often the greatest concern when people are separating. Many hesitate to hire more than one professional, worried about costs. Yet the unintended consequence is that they lean on their lawyer for everything: financial advice, emotional support, and sometimes even parenting guidance. This is not only expensive, but also ineffective.

Think of it like surgery on your back. You would need a surgeon, of course, but also a nurse, an anaesthetist, and afterwards a physiotherapist to get you back on your feet. Divorce is no different. You need different professionals working together to ensure every aspect is handled properly: a lawyer for legal advice, a financial adviser for money matters, a divorce coach to help you make the right decisions every step of the way, and emotional support to keep you grounded.

The professionals to consider

A divorce team does not look the same for everyone. The right mix of professionals will depend on your situation. Here are some of the key roles:

  • Lawyer – Advises on your legal rights, prepares divorce documentation, and, if necessary, represents you in court. Some lawyers specialise in areas such as high net worth cases, domestic abuse, or international divorce. Even in countries where a lawyer is not legally required, it is still wise to consult one to ensure your agreement is solid.
  • Family mediator – Works with both partners to negotiate terms, from property division to parenting arrangements. A mediator is impartial and helps keep discussions constructive.
  • Divorce coach – Helps you focus on your future goals, make clear decisions, and approach negotiations with confidence. A coach also provides practical guidance and emotional steadiness.
  • Therapist – Supports you in understanding what went wrong in the relationship, addressing trauma, and maintaining mental health.
  • Financial adviser – Reviews your assets, debts, and income, models long-term implications of settlement proposals, and helps you plan for financial stability after divorce.

While one person may cover two roles, expecting them to manage everything leaves serious gaps.

Choosing the right lawyer

Selecting the right lawyer is one of the most important decisions you will make. Too often people choose based only on price or convenience. One client of mine instructed a lawyer because he was “cheap”. Fifteen months later, she had spent tens of thousands of pounds with no progress and little trust in his advice. She eventually changed lawyers and finally moved forward.

When choosing a lawyer, consider:

  • Do they have experience with your type of case?
  • How do they communicate and how quickly will they respond?
  • Will your case be handled by them personally or mostly by a junior associate?
  • What is their approach to resolving disputes out of court?
  • Can they give you realistic visibility of likely legal costs?

If your divorce involves more than one country, you will also need someone with expertise in international divorce. Look for a lawyer who understands both jurisdictions, speaks your language, and has a network of international advisers, such as tax specialists and immigration lawyers.

How to build your divorce team

A simple exercise can help you identify where you need support. Picture a five-pointed star, with each point representing one area of support: legal, financial, emotional, practical, and personal. Write down the person or professional covering each area. One person can cover two—but no more. If you see gaps, you will know where to add expertise.

This keeps your support balanced and prevents overloading one professional or family member. Your aim is to create a well-rounded team that can carry you through divorce and beyond.

Final thoughts

Divorce is one of life’s most complex transitions. Going through it with only one professional is like attempting surgery with only a surgeon and no nurse or anaesthetist—it is simply not enough. By building a divorce team, you ensure that every dimension—legal, financial, emotional, and practical—is addressed properly.

It may feel like a bigger investment at the start, but a coordinated divorce team saves time, money, and stress in the long run. More importantly, it helps you build a stronger foundation for the next chapter of your life.

Read more articles by Chloe O.

About Chloe O.

“My name is Chloe O., I am an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) professional and a Certified Divorce Coach. I specialise in working with women to help them reduce conflict during and after divorce by improving their negotiation and communication skills with their spouse. The objective is to work towards an amicable divorce outcome in order to minimise the emotional and financial cost of divorce. I work with all types of clients but I have extensive experience in supporting expatriates and international families who are dealing with the unique situation of living abroad during and after their divorce, with limited local family support, language barriers and relocation considerations.”

For more information about my work and services (including my Podcasts, newsletter, myth-buster videos…), you can visit my website and/or follow me on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.

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How Does the Supreme Court's Judgement in Standish Affect You?
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How Does the Supreme Court’s Judgement in Standish Affect You?

Published on
James Pirrie
James Pirrie
Director at
Family Law in Partnership

The short answer is that Standish affects things a bit – but it probably just confirms what a family solicitor would advise you to do anyway.

The longer answer is that highest court of the land has carried out one of its periodic reviews of how to deal with assets at the end of a marriage. Mr and Mrs Standish had considerable assets, much of it built up by Mr Standish before the marriage. They also had a plan to minimise inheritance tax for their children by putting a big slab of Mr Standish’s money in Mrs Standish’s name. When they split, questions were asked:

  1. Did she keep it? 
  2. Was it shared?
  3. Did Mr Standish get it back?

The answer was C.  

Mr Standish got the money back because it was considered to be his separate property and the intention was never that Mrs Standish should benefit from it. There was also enough marital property to meet Mrs Standish’s ongoing needs, such as accommodation and lifestyle. 

Would this be the same if there were more modest assets to share?

If you don’t have such substantial assets, it is less likely to be as simple as dividing marital property (sometimes referred to as the marital pot).  You may need to dip into each spouse’s separate property to meet needs.  Probably the right way now is: 

  1. First, to think carefully about whether an asset is one person’s “separate property”
  2. Secondly consider whether the assets have become shared – and this is all about intention – and now form part of the marital property
  3. Thirdly, you carry out a “needs” assessment, then adjust any division to ensure that children are provided for and that each spouse has a fair start on the road to independent living.

This approach makes clear that there is no simple “split it all 50:50”.

Looking at those 3 elements in turn:

1) Separate property

This is going to include: 

  • What one person owned before the marriage; or
  • What they were given during the marriage, such as an inheritance

This is different from marital property, which is everything built up by or during the relationship.

It is usually possible to clearly identify property/ assets as one or the other – separate or marital.  Although there are still uncertainties, for example where there have been personal injury awards or lottery wins. 

2) Intention to share formerly separate assets

The second stage is all about intention. You don’t just look at whose name an asset is held in, you focus on the intention.  If you went to Court, a Judge would consider “Do the dealings between you show that you intended to convert what was separate into something that was for you both?” If so, the separate assets are matrimonialised, which means they become joint assets and form part of the marital property. As such they are usually (but not inevitably) going to be shared equally.

This might happen over time because:

  • What was separate property is not really so significant after the passage of time, because other assets have built up and the fact that this asset was separately brought in is not such a big deal
  • These monies have been put into joint funds or otherwise scrambled together and over time that shows that they are intended to be relied on by both of you
  • The money has been put into the family home and lived in over a period of time – and what asset is more central to the marriage partnership than that?

There may be other reasons and some situations will be harder to call. For example, what about a pension or even an ISA – these are not assets that you can put in joint names and there may be disagreement over what was said and what was intended during the relationship. 

3) What is the needs assessment?

Needs is a bit like a picnic: you don’t focus so much on who brought what to the picnic, everyone needs to eat and if there is not enough to go around then you work a way to share what there is to make the best of the situation, usually prioritising younger children.

So here the marital property will be shared first, but if necessary the separate assets will also be shared. This can include future income.

What does this mean for the legal process?

Standish is simply telling us to be disciplined and take the steps in sequence to make sure that the right answer is reached.  We need to:

  1. think about whether an asset is really one person’s separate property or marital property; then
  2. consider whether dividing just the marital property will ensure that children are provided for and that each spouse has a fair start towards independent life

And if not:

  1. dip into the separate assets to meet those needs.

Ultimately the decision in Standish is intended to enable a fairer division of assets on divorce, but some things remain less clear. 

For example, imagine Jo who marries Les who has inherited a substantial 3 bed property. Otherwise, their resources are modest, they each earn well and at similar levels. Two years into the relationship, their marriage fails and they decide to divorce. Has the property that Les inherited become part of the marital pot?  What share of it does Jo get?  

If the main home is pretty much always marital property and if marital property is often divided equally, should Jo get half of the home after only 100 weeks of relationship that led to marriage and ended in divorce? We won’t know for sure until the guidance from the Supreme Court is put into practice in the day-to-day cases.

What does this mean for you?

I would suggest that when you are trying to find your solutions, it will almost always be worthwhile getting an “entitlements analysis” carried out by a legal professional.  This will give you a clear indication of what you may each be entitled to and indeed, need, to move forward with your lives. Some of these tests don’t come naturally and unusual situations will generate unusual answers. You are not usually stuck with the analysis, but it will help to know it before you start trying to agree how you are going to go forward: no-one wants to regret their choices years down the road.

Read more articles by James Pirrie.

Read more articles by Family Law in Partnership.

About James Pirrie

James Pirrie is a Director of Family Law in Partnership, a highly regarded law firm based in London, which specialises in de-escalating conflict in family law.  He is an Arbitrator, Family Solicitor and Mediator accredited in child-inclusive mediation.

James is driven to improve long term outcomes for families who are experiencing separation or divorce.  He is credited with introducing collaborative law to the UK and with changing how children’s needs are addressed during family breakdown through the Parenting after Parting initiative. 

You might be interested in

Thinking About A Prenup? Divorce Solicitor Answers Your Most-Googled Questions
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Thinking About A Prenup? Divorce Solicitor Answers Your Most-Googled Questions

Published on
Sophia Yau-Rosher
Sophia Yau-Rosher
Director
Beecham Peacock LLP

The celebrity world is abuzz with yet another high-profile divorce case. Billionaire and former record executive, David Geffen, has filed for divorce from his 32-year-old dancer husband, David Armstrong. The marriage only lasted two years, and despite the 82-year-old being worth a reported $8.7 billion, the couple did not sign a prenup.

Although the majority of us won’t have anywhere near as much wealth to protect, it’s important to protect your future, ensuring that your assets remain protected in the event of a divorce. The first three months of 2024 alone saw 27,908 divorce applications, with 21,662 final orders also granted.

With more and more engaged couples entering into marriage with a realistic viewpoint, prenups are becoming more commonplace than ever. The popularity of prenups has risen by 60% in recent years, with postnup agreements seeing an increase of nearly 185%.

If you – like 31% of couples who now have a prenup – are anxious around the concept of tying your assets to your relationship, you will likely have some questions. Expert divorce solicitor Sophia Yau-Rosher – from Newcastle-based divorce solicitors Beecham Peacock – answers the top ten most-Googled prenup questions per month, helping you stay informed ahead of your marriage.

1. What is a prenup?

“Put simply, a prenup is a legal document that two parties agree to before they marry, or enter a civil partnership,” Yau-Rosher explains.

“The document sets out the financial responsibilities of both parties and allows for the protection of certain assets, including property, investments, inheritance and more in the event of a divorce. It also outlines which party is responsible for specific debts and other financial issues, should the marriage or civil partnership come to an end.

“A prenup can provide protection and offer clarity for both parties in the event of a difficult or contentious divorce.”

2. Can you change a prenup?

“Ahead of your marriage, you can make as many changes to your prenup as you like,” Yau-Rosher assures. “As long as both parties have sought independent legal advice and feel comfortable with the changes, there is no reason why amendments cannot be made to the document before it is signed.

“However, after you are legally married, you cannot change or modify your prenuptial agreement. If your financial or emotional circumstances change during the course of your marriage and the prenup is no longer relevant, you can consider a postnuptial agreement – or postnup – which carries the same kind of legal weighting.”

3. Are prenups legal in the UK?

“Your prenup is not legally binding in either England or Wales. A court will not automatically enforce the terms of your prenup in the event of a divorce. However, a prenup that both parties have freely entered into will likely add weight to any court arrangements.

“If both parties concerned have disclosed their full financial situations and received independent legal advice pertaining to the prenup, the court will usually give considerable legal weight to the agreement during any financial disputes.”

4. What does a prenup do?

“Essentially, a prenup safeguards any assets that you or your partner bring to the marriage, protecting your interests in the event of a divorce. It also deals with the financial impact of any inheritance, dependents – such as current or future children – and any shifts in earning potential.

“Your prenuptial agreement provides you and any children from previous relationships with financial reassurance in the case of divorce,” Yau-Rosher explains. “It is not a sign that either party is unsure about the marriage, but rather a sensible step in future financial planning.”

5. Can you write your own prenup in the UK?

“As prenuptial agreements are not legally binding documents, you can pen your own in the UK. However, in order for the court to take your prenup seriously in the event of a divorce, it needs to be prepared in a specific way.

“I always advise my clients to seek professional legal assistance in drafting their prenup, as DIY agreements often don’t stand up in court,” Yau-Rosher counsels. “This way, you can ensure that the document is put together in a way that will protect and benefit both parties, if it is required in the future.”

6. What cannot be included in a prenup UK?

“There are a number of strict rules regarding what can and cannot be included in a prenuptial agreement in the UK. If these rules are not obeyed, it could lead to your prenup losing all legal weight in court.

“Your prenup should not include any personal or lifestyle issues, references to child support, visitation rights or child custody, or discussion of matters that could be deemed ‘unfair’ for one or both parties. A family law solicitor can help you draft a prenup that adheres to these rules.”

7. How much does a prenup cost?

“The cost of a prenup varies, but the majority of professional solicitors in the UK will charge £2,000–£5,000. The more complex your financial situation and the larger your wealth, the more your prenuptial agreement is likely to cost.” Yau-Rosher explains.

8. How do I get a prenup?

“The first step in securing a prenup is always to seek professional legal advice from a family law specialist. Both parties should seek their own independent legal counsel. You will then be required to provide your chosen solicitor with a full run-down of your current financial situation, along with any information about debts, income and inherited wealth. The solicitor can then draft the document.

“Once both parties are satisfied, the prenuptial agreement can be signed in the presence of the solicitors and independent witnesses. Ideally, the prenup should be signed at least 28 days prior to the signing of your marriage or civil partnership certificate.”

9. Can you cancel a prenup?

“Cancelling a prenup is a complex process, but can be achieved under specific circumstances. For example, if the prenup is deemed unconscionable at the time of signing, due to a lack of legal advice or due to one party being under pressure or duress to sign.

“If you can prove that your partner has committed fraud or deliberately misrepresented their finances, this constitutes another reason for cancellation of the prenup,” Yau-Rosher says. “A prenup may also be deemed invalid if the financial situation of one or both parties has changed significantly, making the original agreement unfair.”

10. What is a postnuptial agreement?

“A postnuptial agreement is very similar to a prenuptial agreement, aside from the fact that it is drafted and signed after the marriage or civil partnership, rather than before.

“You can opt for a postnup instead of a prenup, or mutually agree to replace the original agreement with a postnup if your or your partner’s financial situation changes significantly after you marry or enter into a civil partnership.

“Due process must still be followed and both parties must still seek independent legal advice to ensure that the postnup holds a similar legal weighting to a prenup if required in court.”

“If you are considering entering into a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, seeking independent legal advice is always the best first step. Communicate your intentions and any concerns with your partner to ensure that you both enter the agreement with shared goals and a realistic outlook when it comes to your finances.”

Read more articles by Beecham Peacock Solicitors.

About Sophia Yau-Rosher

Sophia Yau-Rosher is a Director at Beecham Peacock Solicitors. Beecham Peacock Solicitors are a trusted divorce solicitors based in Newcastle Upon Tyne, and they know how important it is for your divorce settlement to be treated with the utmost respect and care.

They have countless experiences handling intricate divorce proceedings, so they understand that the process needs to be quick, smooth and respectful for both parties involved.

If you are getting a divorce, ending your civil partnership or even just agreeing to the terms of a separation, their talented divorce lawyers will make sure you are supplied with the most current and prudent advice to deal with the money, assets and property belonging to both parties.

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Separation and Divorce in 2025: Navigating the Current Landscape and Looking Ahead
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Separation and Divorce in 2025: Navigating the Current Landscape and Looking Ahead

Published on
Sean Hilton
Sean Hilton
Partner
Stevens & Bolton

For those contemplating a separation or divorce, the idea of navigating the inevitable complexities that follow can be a daunting one. In addition to understanding the core legal principles, Family law is an area that constantly evolves. Judges react to changes in societal ideas and professionals working alongside separating or divorcing couples are constantly looking at new ways to support the clients, couples, and families they support. It is therefore important to stay up to speed with current trends, and to try where possible to predict the future direction of travel.

Cohabiting couples

Whilst it is not a new issue, the legal status (or lack thereof) of couples who are separating without having married remains a ‘hot topic’ in the Family law community. Despite significant noise, and pressure on policy makers (most notably by the organisation Resolution, and its members), there is no sign of change any time soon. It is important for those in that situation to take specialist advice on their options. Where any legal change is still some way off, those in, or entering into, cohabiting relationships should consider other routes of protection, for example Declarations of Trust or Cohabitation Agreements.

No-fault divorce

The consensus within the Family law community is that the introduction of the ‘no-fault’ divorce system has been a positive one. Any historic concerns that the no-fault system would result in a greater number of couples divorcing have proven unfounded as the recent statistics from His Majesty’s Court Service have shown.

Although able to avoid the ‘blame game’, there remains a clear bias towards divorce applications being issued on a sole basis (74% of all applications over the quarter most recently reported). The alternative is an application on a joint basis.

This bias could be because one person will often wish to divorce the other and take control of the process. It may also be because of the additional administrative burden that comes with a joint application, with those complexities heightened where the other applicant is acting in person. Another reason may be that given the access provided by the online divorce portal people are managing the divorce process themselves without solicitor involvement, perhaps even before taking any advice at all.

Regardless of the reasons, and the split of sole versus joint applications, the key is to ensure that the process can be managed with the least possible amount of animosity, particularly where children and finances are involved.

Resolving financial matters alongside divorce

The recent statistics also support a fact long understood by Family lawyers, and one that is of grave concern. Less than half of couples making an application for divorce then apply to the court for an order finalising their financial claims. It could be said that in some cases there may not be any money to be divided, so is an application necessary?

In short – yes. A couples’ financial claims remain ‘live’ even after they are legally divorced unless a Court order has dismissed them. In its simplest form this is by way of a ‘clean break’ order, dismissing all claims each spouse has against the other. This then ensures that no future claims can be bought. Looking ahead it may be that before granting a conditional or final order in the divorce process, the court asks the parties to confirm that they understand this fact and are either taking steps also to resolve their financial claims formally or have chosen not to do so.

Protecting assets acquired before marriage

Whilst it will be relevant for a smaller number of divorcing couples, those with pre-acquired assets that were bought into the marriage should take note of the long running case of Standish and Standish [2024] EWCA Civ 567. This is due before the Supreme Court this Spring with Judgement anticipated in the latter part of the year.

This case centres around the transfer of assets acquired pre-marriage into the name of a spouse for tax reasons, intended then to be placed in Trust. Those transfers into Trust did not take place and the subsequent argument on divorce was that those assets had become matrimonial by virtue of the transfer.

The key issue here is whether the transfer of the assets did in fact make them a matrimonial asset, despite the fact that they were clearly acquired pre-marriage and their transfer to the spouse was for a reason other than to ‘share’ them as part of the marriage. The same arguments could apply for assets that someone may inherit while married. For those where this is a possible issue, communication at the time of inheritance/transfer will be of key importance.

Pre- and post-nuptial agreements

Another protection method, and one that is increasingly common, is a pre- or post-nuptial agreement. Whilst the Family Court retains discretion in respect of nuptial agreements advisors can now give clients more certainty than ever that where properly executed (ideally in line with the Law Commission recommendations on Qualifying Nuptial Agreements), the terms should provide the intended protections.

Looking ahead, the recent case law confirms that Judges wish to avoid an overly paternalistic and interventionalist mentality. Where couples enter into nuptial agreements, and barring any vitiating factors, they should expect to be held to their terms.

Non-court dispute resolution (NCDR)

In cases where any element of negotiation is necessary NCDR should be the first consideration, particularly for higher net-worth couples. There remains a significant backlog in the family courts and recent changes in law have increased the likelihood of cases being openly reported. These factors make NCDR an evermore attractive proposition.

This area has developed at a rate of knots, and there is now an almost limitless range of options available, providing the ability to build a bespoke ‘package’, supported where necessary by third party experts such as financial advisors or therapists.

The rise in NCDR has been driven by the legal changes which, subject to some exceptions, require all divorcing couples to attempt it before issuing a court application. It has also been driven by the lived experience of clients, and their Lawyers, in navigating a Court system which is underfunded and overstretched. Whilst there will always be the need for a specialist Family Court, and the commitment of Judges working daily to assist couples and families cannot be questioned, the NCDR processes are time and cost effective and some of the country’s top Family law specialists are tailoring their practices to such processes.

The benefits of NCDR have been recognised and promoted within the Courts as shown by the proactive case management of Mr Nicholas Allen KC in NA v LA [2024] EWFC 113. The court will more frequently push cases back into an NCDR model where appropriate, and the number of cases using NCDR will continue to climb.

Horizon scanning

The Family law landscape is constantly changing, but keeping an eye on the key developments will allow those considering a separation or divorce to highlight any obviously important changes. This may be a preventative measure (for example a pre-nuptial agreement), or a pre-emptive measure (such as ensuring a settlement before a reported case is published), but for most it will be more important to keep abreast of the breadth of options available to assist in navigating the complexities of divorce and separation without unnecessary costs and distress.

About Sean Hilton

Sean Hilton, of Stevens & Bolton LLP assists clients on a broad spectrum of matters ranging from complex high-value financial proceedings following divorce, to disputes in relation to children. For instance, Sean advises unmarried families on the consequences of a relationship breakdown and is instructed on pre and post nuptial agreements, often with an international element. Sean is considered as a “Rising Star” by the Legal 500 Directory and in the Thompson Reuters Super Lawyers List, and has recently been shortlisted for Family Lawyer of the Year – Senior/Managing Associate in the CityWealth Future Leader Awards.

Sean’s Stevens & Bolton profile and contact details are available here, and he can be found on LinkedIn here.

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A Guide to Spousal Maintenance
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A Guide to Spousal Maintenance

Published on
Chris Sweetman
Chris Sweetman
Editor at The Divorce Magazine
Director at Fair Result

Sponsored post by Fair Result.

This blog serves as a practical and informative guide to spousal maintenance in divorce settlements. It clarifies what spousal maintenance is, who may be eligible, how payments are determined, and key considerations when negotiating or contesting maintenance. Keep reading to find out more.

What is Spousal Maintenance?

Spousal maintenance, sometimes mistakenly called alimony, is financial support paid by one spouse to the other following a divorce or separation. Its purpose is to provide financial assistance to the lower-income spouse, ensuring they can maintain a standard of living similar to that enjoyed during the marriage. Unlike child maintenance, which is specifically for the support of children, this kind of support focusses on the financial needs of the ex-spouse. It is often seen as support for the partner receiving it as financial assistance to allow them to adjust to single living.

Who Qualifies for Spousal Maintenance?

Eligibility for spousal maintenance depends on several key considerations by the court:

  • Income Disparity: The court examines the difference in income and earning capacity between the spouses.
  • Length of Marriage: Longer marriages are more likely to result in spousal maintenance awards, especially as above where one partner needs time to adjust maybe for example having a period of time to look for work.
  • Childcare Responsibilities: If one spouse is responsible for the care of young children, this may influence the award but must always recognise that this is entirely separate from child maintenance, but it does sometimes get merged by the courts and practitioners.

Each case is unique, and the court’s decision is based on the specific circumstances of the divorcing couple. At Fair Result, we use our experience in divorce financial settlements and negotiating to assist you in this aspect of your overall financial settlement and remember we operate on fixed fee divorce services.

How Payments Are Determined

Several factors influence the determination of spousal maintenance payments:

  • Financial Needs and Resources: The court assesses the financial needs of the lower-income spouse and the resources available to both parties.
  • Standard of Living: The standard of living during the marriage is considered to ensure fairness.
  • Age and Health: The age and health of both spouses can impact the duration and amount of maintenance.

Payments can be structured as either a lump sum referred to as a capitalised lump sum or ongoing periodic payments. The duration of payments varies and may be fixed term or open-ended. However, the consent order would need to allow for extendable spousal maintenance, and this again is where Fair Results negotiating skills would be utilised for you.  It is also necessary to understand capitalised lump sum payments are reduced in financial value as against monthly payments, to reflect the fact the recipient is getting all the spousal maintenance payments in one lump sum. They can then invest this over time or utilise it immediately to help with for example the purchase of a new home.

Common Misconceptions

There are several misconceptions about spousal maintenance that need addressing:

  • Maintenance is Guaranteed: Spousal maintenance is not automatically awarded in every divorce case; it depends on the specific circumstances.
  • Men Never Receive Spousal Support: Although less common, men can and do receive spousal maintenance if they are the lower-income spouse.

Can Spousal Maintenance be Changed or Stopped?

Spousal maintenance arrangements can be reviewed and changed under certain conditions:

  • Reviews and Reductions: Maintenance orders can be reviewed periodically, and changes in financial circumstances can lead to adjustments if the circumstances are deemed necessary and the original order allowed for review at a particular time.
  • Impact of Remarriage or Cohabitation: If the recipient spouse remarries or cohabits with a new partner, maintenance payments may be reduced or stopped.

Negotiation Tips

Successful negotiation requires professional advice and careful planning:

  • Seek expert advice from family law professionals, such as those at Fair Result.
  • Be realistic about financial needs and future earning capacity.
  • Consider the long-term implications of the maintenance arrangement.

Fair Result offers fixed-fee divorce services to help you navigate the complexities of spousal maintenance and achieve a fair financial settlement.

If you need expert advice on financial settlements and spousal maintenance, get in touch with Fair Result. Our fixed-fee services ensure you have the support and guidance you need through your divorce. Visit https://fair-result.co.uk/ for a free no obligation discussion to see how our team can help you negotiate your UK divorce law spousal support.

Get in Touch

Call us at 07 500 933 818 or 0333 577 7009

Email peter@fair-result.co.uk or chris@fair-result.co.uk

Read more articles by Chris Sweetman.

About Chris Sweetman

Chris Sweetman is an independent family solicitor and director of Fair Result – An award-winning law office who pride themselves on using innovative ways to help clients through the stress and complications of a marriage breakdown.

Chris can be contacted on 07500933818 or via email chris@fair-result.co.uk.

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