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CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENT – DEFAULTERS BEWARE!

Child Support Payment – Defaulters Beware!

Published on
Katie McCann
Katie McCann
Head of Family Law and in-house counsel at Kuits Solicitors

The case of Mr and Mrs Aly hit the headlines last week when HHJ Mark Rogers ordered Mr Aly to hand his family’s entire fortune (£550,000) over to his ex-wife following their divorce.

This ruling has shocked many, as it is so far removed from the distinguished ‘yardstick of equality’ concept that was introduced by Lord Nicholls in White v White.[1]

The basis of this theory is that, when dealing with financial division following divorce, the starting point should be to consider an equal distribution between the spouses. Whilst a slight departure from equality would not have raised eyebrows, digression from 50% to 100% is truly remarkable.

So how did the court reach such a decision?  Firstly, we must look at the facts surrounding the case.

Mr Aly is a 54-year-old anaesthetist whilst Mrs Aly, 46, is a GP. Therefore, it is likely that the court accepted they had both made equal contributions during their marriage of significant length (nine years). It is also likely that both spouses became accustomed to a similar standard of living during their marriage and that through continuing to work they would both be able to remain leading comfortable lifestyles.

The above facts suggest that the yardstick of equality would have been the perfect method by which to distribute matrimonial assets; however, the court assessed the behaviour of Mr Aly following the divorce and reached their decision on the basis that he had ‘abdicated responsibility’ of his ex-wife and children.

In 2012, a year after the couple had divorced, Mr Aly left the UK and moved to Bahrain, where he formed a new relationship and fathered another child.

Having been married to Mrs Aly for nine years and having had two children with her, Mr Aly left the country and stopped paying maintenance and child support to the family he left behind.

Child Support Payment - Defaulters beware!
Child Support Payment – Defaulters beware!

Mr Aly’s lawyers argued that the ruling was unfair, as it gave no consideration to his needs. They professed that, moving forward, he would be willing to pay £40 child support per week.

Unfortunately for Mr Aly, however, it was a case of too little too late.

A promise to start making payments was clearly too difficult to believe coming from a man that had not made a single contribution for several years. This, in addition to the fact that the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) would not be able to pursue Mr Aly whilst he lives abroad, means that his promise carried little weight.

As Lord Justice McFarlane explained: “There is no realistic expectation of getting any further amount of maintenance out of the husband.”

The court have seemingly used the case of Mr and Mrs Aly to highlight the significant responsibilities attached to marriage – responsibilities that can often continue long after a marriage has ended.

Rather than being seen as a flippant activity that can be undone at the flick of a switch, the case shows that marriage is serious commitment and anyone who thinks that they can up and leave their responsibilities behind once a marriage is over, now stands corrected.

Perhaps the case also highlights the growing importance of prenuptial agreements in today’s society.

In an age where there is seemingly a misunderstanding about post-divorce responsibility, a prenuptial agreement would allow both spouses to have a clear understanding of what they can expect to receive in the event of divorce.

Of course, pre-nuptial agreements will not allow one parent to abdicate responsibility in relation to their children. Such matters are considered to be public policy issues and therefore no agreement can permit non-payment towards a child.

This in itself shows the importance of child maintenance payments, and therefore if someone is willing to forgo making such payments for their children and they are not within reach of the CMS, then the courts may have no option but to transfer a substantial portion of the matrimonial assets to the caregiver to ensure that the child’s welfare is secure. Defaulters, you have been warned.

[1] [2000] UKHL 54

About Katie

Katie McCann is head of family law and in-house counsel at Kuits Solicitors in Manchester City Centre. She has a special interest in resolving high value relationship breakdown disputes.

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Supporting Children Emotionally During Divorce

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Noel McDermott
Noel McDermott
Founder
Mental Health Works Ltd

The type of support your children might need will depend on their personalities and the reasons for and the nature of the divorce, is it amicable or a war? Let’s assume significant amounts of child centred insight on both parents’ parts and the desire and capacity to think of their kids first. In that case it’s a question of central life circumstances and the types of transitional phenomena we might see.

Transitional phenomena was a concept linked to a British child psychoanalyst in the 50’s and 60’s called Donald Winnicott. He developed ideas such as ‘good enough parenting’. He used to have a radio show supporting parents and is credited with changing how hospitals supported children as in patients as he advocated for family rooms and allowing parents to stay with their sick kids. He also developed the idea of transitional objects that children psychologically individuate for their primary carer and would use as stand-ins for the carer. All parents know the phase their kids go through of having a special toy, or blanket that can’t be washed or, god forbid, lost! Winnicott called these ‘transitional objects’ that reassured the infant the primary carer was ‘alive’ even when not around. They provide security, a sense of emotional continuity during change.

We would now broaden that understanding out to larger important relational constellations and into an all of life experience or need. The core constellations of experience that matter for security are:

1. Emotionally intimate and dependent relationships to others. That could be a romantic partner, family member and also very close friends.

2. Work, which represents survival and also broader meaning and purpose. Work in this context includes school .

3. Home, representing survival and containing inner world (intra-psychic) needs projected out onto a place.

Once we are through infancy successfully we learn to attach emotionally onto these 3 constellations of meaning and experience in important  ways for our psychological stability. They facilitate a sense of continuity of being. Our identity is in the relationship to these 3 areas. Have them upset, challenged or removed and we begin to break down psychologically.

To understand what your kids need you have to ask how many and how much of these three constellations are changing? The greater the number of them changing; is it only one of them, or two of them or all three?, then the greater the support needed. Also ask yourself how secure or developed are your kids? Their age will create different challenges and needs.

The types of support and interventions will vary but fall into these broad categories

  • Reassurance of love. The ‘transitional object’ above reassures the infant their ‘love object’ is still with them and therefore they are loved. With younger kids who have outgrown these objects they may well want them again or gain new ones. Older kids might be offended by you offering a teddy bear but ask yourself what are the metaphoric teddy bears you can offer? Often it’s re-instituting ‘rituals’ they have grown out of, movie nights for example.

  • Normalise. Anxiety, depression, irritability, drop off in performance at school, lack of sleep, poor diet and so on are all signs we are going through things we would rather not. They are normal and we shouldn’t diagnose ourselves as wrong if we struggle with change.

  • Increase fun stuff. Make a list of all the things you know everyone enjoys and do it more, sounds simple but we forget one of the best therapies is simply having fun!

  • Expect old behaviours to emerge and accept them. Things you or your kids have grown out of will pop up to say hello. It’s OK, it’s the mind saying, this helped in the past. Is it helpful now?

  • Increase healthy behaviours. Socialise, exercise, eat well, regular rest and sleep, practice your stress management tools more. Be very conscious of being healthy in your habits.

  • Talk, talk, talk…you get the idea.

  • Do transitional work. Having to move home? Visit that home before you go, look around the area, visit it lots and get a feel for the place, find cafes, parks, groups you like and use them before you move. The same applies with moving school. The more you plan the transitional changes the less of a shock.

Change is inevitable and we know lots about it. So do your research, chat to people who’ve been through it. Most important of all, stay loving and forgiving.

Read more articles by Noel McDermott.

About Noel McDermott

Mental health expert Noel McDermott is a psychotherapist and dramatherapist with over 30 years’ work within the health, social care, education, and criminal justice fields. His company Mental Health Works provides unique mental health services for the public and other organisations. Mental Health Works offers in situ health care and will source, identify and co-ordinate personalised teams to meet your needs – https://www.mentalhealthworks.net/

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Supporting Your Child Through Divorce: The Role of Play Therapy

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Shelley Coleman
Shelley Coleman
Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist
Regional Liaison -The Texas Association of Play Therapy

“This is a war. The farm animals are fighting the ocean animals.” says my 7 year old client as she creates an elaborate battle scene in the sand tray. “The cat is in the middle” she further explains as she gingerly places the cat amidst the waring animals.

In my therapeutic playroom, the sand-tray allows for sharing in a protected space that a child may not otherwise have. As a Play Therapist, I have the privilege of working with children of various developmental stages who are experiencing parental separation or divorce. The play room allows for a child to freely express themselves through play. As children choose toys and play activities, they can share their world with the therapist.

In simple terms, play is the language of children. This concept is best explained by Landreth (2002) in Play therapy: The art of the relationship and is the basis for Play Therapy. It is through play that children make sense of the world itself. They explore relationships, solve problems, learn to regulate their emotions, and navigate transitions or challenges.

The benefits of Play Therapy are well researched and include the following…

  • Helps children better understand and express feelings
  • Reduces behaviour problems and improves coping skills
  • Helps to process loss and transitions
  • Improves caregiver-child relationships
  • Improves adjustment outcomes

For families experiencing a transition like divorce, play therapy can be a resource for both the child and the caregivers. Even in the most amicable divorces, I see children feeling confused or in the “middle” between households. At times, a child may feel out of control and need to assert their control in the play room by directing the play or directing the therapist. Or, a child may need a therapeutic space to make sense of their changing household.

In the event of parental separation or divorce, the play therapist is not only a support to the child, but to the caregivers as well. In fact, play therapy can improve communication between parents and children around difficult events like divorce (Hirschfeld & Wittenborn, 2016). And, some specialised forms of Play Therapy have been demonstrated to strengthen the child-caregiver relationship and positively impact children’s behaviour (Fernando et al., 2011).

In my own practice, I work with caregivers at varying stages of divorce including co-parenting post divorce and blending families. Though the child is the primary client, a Play Therapist provides valuable psychoeducation around developmentally appropriate ways parents can support their child. Specifically a Play Therapist can provide..

  • Education around making transitions between homes smooth
  • Education around behaviours that are or are not developmentally appropriate
  • Ways to improve parent child relationships
  • Ways to limit the child’s involvement in parental conflict

The benefits of play therapy for children experiencing a life transition like divorce are well researched. It is not uncommon for children to feel out of control, confused, or blame themselves for the divorce. Play therapy provides a way for a child to freely express these feelings and process them with the help of a trusted therapist. In addition, a Play Therapist can support the caregivers and provide valuable resources during a time of transition.

Resources for this article

Book citation (APA):

Landreth, G. L. (2002). Play therapy: The art of the relationship. Brunner-Routledge.

Bratton, S. C., Ray, D., Rhine, T., & Jones, L. (2005). The efficacy of play therapy with children: A meta-analytic review of treatment outcomes.
Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 36(4), 376–390.

Hirschfeld, M. R., & Wittenborn, A. K. (2016). Emotionally Focused Family Therapy and Play Therapy for Young Children Whose Parents Are Divorced.

Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 57(2), 133–150. 

Fernando, D., Jayne, K., Lindo, N., Purswell, K., & Dillman Taylor, D. (2011). The Impact of Child Parent Relationship Therapy on Child Behavior and Parent-Child Relationships: An Examination of Parental Divorce.
International Journal of Play Therapy, 20(3), 124–137.

About Shelley Coleman

Shelley Coleman is a Licensed Professional Counsellor and Supervisor (LPC-S) as well as a Registered Play Therapist and Supervisor (RPT-S). She has 18 years of clinical experience, 10 years of business management experience, and 23 years of parenting experience. Shelley’s private practice serves children, adolescents and families. She provides parent education, play therapy, child and adolescent therapy, and family therapy. She is trained in EMDR, Play Therapy, TF-CBT, New Ways for Families, and PCIT. Shelley was the 2022-2023 President of the Hill Country Chapter of the Texas Association of Play Therapists and currently serves as Regional Liaison to the Texas Association of Play Therapists.

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Supporting Children Emotionally and Mentally During Family Transitions
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Supporting Children Emotionally and Mentally During Family Transitions

Published on
Noel McDermott
Noel McDermott
Founder
Mental Health Works Ltd

Mental health expert Noel McDermott examines what our children need through periods of transition; it’s first important to understand what we mean psychologically by a transition. A transition isn’t just a change of something, it is a change that requires an emotional adjustment. To some extent this type of change, a transition, is mediated by age and experience, but there are also some types of change that require an insight into transition, or adjustment needs, for all of us and especially kids. Transition needs affect humans in general and are linked to deep needs we have connected to survival mechanisms. These transition issues generally fall into 3 categories often called central life circumstances:

  1. Home – place of safety and survival
  2. Love relations – family, close friends, romantic partner
  3. Work – meaningful productive activity that is social and has survival outcomes (school, workplace, university)

Changes to these areas will likely produce transitional phenomena which are behavioural and emotional disturbances that might see A) a reversion to previous coping mechanisms (regression) or B) the development of new coping mechanisms (adaptations.) Typically coping mechanisms are designed to manage distress and some will be fine and some might be upsetting or even destructive. Types of coping mechanisms or soothing mechanisms in younger kids that we accept as normal might be:

  • Being clinging
  • Being grizzly emotionally
  • Thumb sucking, return to pacifier
  • Holding on to ‘blankie’

If age appropriate we don’t notice these and assume correctly they will grow out of it, but when they are a little older and we see these behaviours suddenly emerge again, which they can and do through transitions, we might get worried. But, regression is normal when the three central life circumstances are affected as are adaptions. The key question is are they doing something to help? Adaptations in particular may be unhelpful or what we call ‘maladaptive’. Examples might be aggression, self harming, substance misuse, excessive drinking. These might seem extreme but often they might emerge over time. More subtle forms of expressing distress in children in particular would be sleep disturbances, changes on mood, appetite, withdrawal etc.

The question is how do we reduce the risk of disturbance during transition and when it does emerge help our kids and ourselves manage it? These are some key ideas to utilise:

Normalisation – knowing and accepting that transitions can be upsetting allows us to normalise and explain to ourselves and our children what is happening. Often it’s the magnification or catastrophising of the behaviours that is the problem. When we can say, ‘oh this is normal’ during times of change we can manage things better

PPP – plan, prepare and practice. Plan: If you know the change is coming discuss it before it happens, if it’s a big change start the discussions early, some months before. Prepare: Get folk on board with organising the practicalities which facilitates normalisation, discussion and empowerment. Practice: If say moving home, go visit the new place or area. Stay there if possible for a night or two before moving etc. Build an emotional ‘on ramp’ that allows the reality of the change to be grown into, as opposed to an emotional cliff edge where you all fall off and smash into the rocks of the new reality below

Increase soothing and support for all before during and after the change. More movie nights on the sofa, more self care, more massages, more spa days, more friends and fun, more family meets and openness about feelings, tell the school, work and all support networks about the transition and ask for understanding

Refocus on the four corners of health and wellbeing:

  1. Nutrition (hydration) – eat well and regularly (in between the movie night binges of course!)
  2. Sleep and rest regularly
  3. Get moving and exercise
  4. Manage stress with relaxation, massage, meditation

Often adapting these approaches will not only take the sting out, but it will also mean you have no discernible negative transition issues. Or if you do have them, they are less intense and of shorter duration. If there is a history in your children or yourself of mental health issues, eating disorders, addiction etc then it is super important to focus on support and also developing individual plans for those involved around relapse prevention; for example should a mental health professional be brought in to help, should medication be used prophylactically to reduce the risk of relapse?

Read more articles by Noel McDermott.

About Noel McDermott

Mental health expert Noel McDermott is a psychotherapist and dramatherapist with over 30 years’ work within the health, social care, education, and criminal justice fields. His company Mental Health Works provides unique mental health services for the public and other organisations. Mental Health Works offers in situ health care and will source, identify and co-ordinate personalised teams to meet your needs – https://www.mentalhealthworks.net/

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No Fault divorce is a good start - but what more can be done to support children whose parents are separating?
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No Fault Divorce is a Good Start – But What More Can Be Done to Support Children Whose Parents are Separating?

Published on
Matt Buttery
Matt Buttery
CEO
Triple P UK & Ireland Ltd

Before 2021, couples seeking divorce risked getting caught up in a blame game, unable to separate unless one party was deemed to be at fault. Now, through ‘no- fault’ divorce, the first major reform to divorce since 1970, couples are able to separate more amicably, without finger pointing and conflict.

The implications of this for families, and in particular children, are significant. In a 2018 YouGov poll, 79% of respondents agreed that conflict arising from divorce negatively affects children’s mental health. By allowing parents to admit the marriage has simply run its course, children feel less torn between the two, without the pressure of taking sides with the parent who has been ‘wronged’.

But the legal system is still not perfect for families, and support for the children of separating parents continues to fall short.

With half of all children coming from separated households, and the effects of divorce on children well cited, it is crucial that we ensure the system works in the best way possible to help children grow up happy and healthy.

Recently, the Government suggested that mediation becomes mandatory in all suitable low level family court cases, excluding, of course, those including allegations or a history of domestic violence. This, alongside the current MoJ consultation, will help the legal system improve to better protect children from witnessing their parents work out family disputes in court. But there is still more that can be done to diffuse proceedings and reduce the conflict involved.

One of the biggest changes we all need to address is in language. Language matters – 99% of family professionals said small changes in language used in the divorce proceedings could make a big difference to a child’s experience.

This is because lots of the vocabulary used currently furthers the animosity between parents by pitting them against each other. Words such as ‘battles’, ‘versus’, ‘fight’, ‘opponent’, ‘dispute’ and impersonal references to ‘the child’ are not conducive to nurturing collaborative solutions.

Making the language softer, by using first names for example, shifts the discussions towards finding a joint solution that is best for the whole family. This is something the Family Solutions Group have been calling for, a campaign we are firmly supporting.

At Triple P, this is something we are conscious of too – our programme to support parents going through separation and/or divorce is purposefully named ‘Family Transitions’, helping the couple understand their divorce as a familial change, and not as a fracture.

Language and communication are of course important between family members as well. It is imperative for the way children process a separation, that parents are offered support. This is an upsetting time for the couple and it can be hard for them to know how to communicate what is happening with their family. Evidence-based parenting programmes that focus on family communication and co-parenting help parents develop the skills to resolve conflicts with former partners, as well as supporting their child(ren) and helping to build a new family identity.

By helping children understand as much as possible about what is happening, you help them process the situation and reassure them they are still important and loved. Not only this, a strong relationship between parents post-divorce will help them co-parent effectively after the separation.

Programmes such as Family Transitions work, and support better outcomes for families.  The challenge is how to make them accessible to the number of families that might benefit.  Current investment by the Department of Work and Pensions into the Reducing Parental Conflict programme has gone some way towards this. However, we need more scalable routes such as remote and self-directed online versions of these programmes – and at the end of the day they all cost money to access.

One thought is to widen the scope of the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme to allow these vouchers to be spent on parenting programmes. We believe in the importance of mediation, but also know the emotional readiness to engage is critical to its success. Expanding the scope of the voucher scheme to allow attendance at an evidence-based co-parenting programme alongside mediation, will help to support parents, allowing them to better engage with the separation process. By making these vouchers accessible prior to the filing of the C100 too, mediation and parenting programmes will be genuinely helpful, rather than becoming a tick-box on the way to court.

The family courts are moving in the right direction, with the no-fault divorce and the shift to mandatory mediation being the latest successes for parents and children. But there are still changes that need to be made. For any child, the separation of their parents can be tough. We need to ensure that the process affects them as little as possible by taking the ‘battle’ out of it, and ensuring parents are supported with proven tools so that everyone is given the best chance to understand and adapt to the new family situation.

About Matt Buttery

Matt is the CEO of Triple P UK & Ireland and holds responsibility for the dissemination of the Triple P – Positive Parenting Program® across the UK and Ireland. He is a passionate advocate of using evidence-based practice to help families and communities develop strong, healthy relationships and resilience.

Matt has held various senior roles in the voluntary, statutory and private sectors. He has influenced and implemented health and social care policy across government and held senior positions in charities. He is an Honorary Associate Professor in Family and Parenting Practice and Policy at the University of Warwick, Chair of the Island of Ireland Parenting Network, and is a spokesperson on children and family issues, appearing in national and local media.

Matt previously fostered for over 10 years, and is a former Trustee of the UK National Academy for Parenting Practitioners (NAPP).

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Five Essential Steps to Support your Children During Divorce or Separation

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That you and your ex are going through a breakup is a huge deal for your children no matter what age including infants and toddlers.

One thing you need to know about infants is that not only are they extremely sensitive to their environment but they are also very much aware when someone, whom they have been seeing frequently, is no longer available or present. (There is plenty to say about the 0 – 3 year olds and divorce but that’s a whole other article).

The thing with divorce or separation is that it is one of those times when your parenting skills and abilities are tested to the limit!

Here you are busy going through a hellish, challenging time that is possibly preoccupying your every thought and time of your day, while simultaneously being expected to be the best parent you can ever be because your children need you to show up even more.

Here’s how you can do that in 5 essential steps:

Listen, understand and love: One of the first important elements of divorce or separation is to acknowledge and accept that the break-up will affect your child.  How much will depend on how you and the other parent deal with it and with each other.

Really listen to your children when they speak. Are there any recurring themes that they are not directly asking or talking to you about? Is there a particular game that your young child plays over and over again that might be divorce-related?

One six-year-old would dress her dolls up ready to go out when their dad came to pick them up.  He never showed.

It is ok and actually recommended that you tell them that you understand that this is not an easy time for them and keep telling them that you love them and that you are there for them.

Show them love as often as possible. This doesn’t mean spending long blocks of time with them, a hug here and there, kind words and positive attention can go a long, long way.

Communicate: Answer their questions. During the divorce process, children will have questions about the divorce or separation. They will want to know how it will affect their lives. What is going to change?

Speak frankly and honestly with them but avoid involving them in adult matters or providing them with unnecessary hurtful details.

Without answers, children will allow their imagination to provide them with explanations and interpretations that they so need and we all know who imaginative children can be. If they ask you a question that you have no answer to, then tell them so.

Self-observe: This is a tough time that you are all going through. You will make parenting mistakes, not one but a few.

Being aware of your feelings, thoughts,  words and actions can help you deal with and react to most things that come your way. Are you alienating the other parent by what you say and do while the children are present? Are you being civil with the other parent or able to put your own feelings aside for the sake of the children?

Did you know that your thoughts affect your feelings which then affect your behaviour? These three parts of you are so intertwined that not feeling a certain way due to a thought you have had is almost impossible which then means that you will behave or react to that thought in a way that correlates with the thought.

So be mindful of your feelings, thoughts and actions – in what you say and what you – do especially if your children are present or within earshot.

Seek professional help and support: When you are not sure, ask. Ask a professional for support and guidance. This is definitely not the time to try and do things yourself.  Have a psychotherapist or counsellor work with you and if you are struggling with behavioural problems with your child, work with a parenting practitioner to help you continue parenting your child positively through this time.

Be your child’s compass: Remember that you are not your child’s only influence so you better be the best.  As mentioned earlier, this is the time that your children will need you the most – someone to guide them and keep their lives as steady as possible.

Keep them in the fold and bring them back with they wander off – very common with teenagers. They will look to you for what’s right and if they cannot find it, they might look elsewhere.

As I often say, divorce or separation will always be an important time in your child’s life,  but what is even more crucial is how you and your ex handle the divorce process and your lives after separation. Let it be an experience they went through at some point in their lives. Don’t allow it to become an experience that defines them and their future adult relationships.

ABOUT SOILA

Soila is a graduate member of the British Psychological Society, a Parenting Practitioner, an accredited Triple P practitioner, a Certified Trauma Specialist and a trained Family Mediator.  She works in private practice mainly, but not exclusively, with families going through divorce and separation.

Soila is the founder of The Davis Centre and The Divorce Magazine.

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Society Supporting Children of Divorce

Society Supporting Children of Divorce

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Society is not always putting children’s interests first in other people’s divorces, and sometimes side with a parent.

They do not understand the affect that their actions have on the children when meddling in others’ affairs.

The key is to be cognizant that you were not present behind closed doors, and were not privy to exactly what occurred.

One witnesses the mask of an adult’s public persona which may hide a much darker side.

An example of this is, my son was asked by a friend to be a character witness when he was trying to get custody of his children away from his late wife’s parents.

He did do this and later was appalled when discovering the father was a sociopath who manipulated others and did atrocious acts. The moral of this story is to let the professionals sort out a situation and do not assume you know all of the facts.

Believe the children. When a few children showed me bruises and discussed abuse or neglect, I immediately called the police in my role as school nurse. I did not say, “Oh, their parents would never do that” because this is how some clergy and pillars of the community are able to molest kids.

One youngster was molested by a parent and confided this to his long-term Martial Arts instructor who was active in a child protection organization.

He flat out told the boy he was lying because he knew his father and he would not do such a thing. This crushed the young student who dropped out of that activity. You may think a kid is trying to get attention and the allegation is not true, but do not say that to the child. The child’s best interest is the most important thing, not someone else’s reputation.

society supporting children of divorce
Society Supporting Children of Divorce

Do not agree to be a messenger service for a parent who is estranged or the court denied them contact.

One parent who lost visitation, repeatedly sent his friends to his teenager’s workplace. They pumped the boy for information about his family or said how sad his dad was. Others tried to bribe the son to resume seeing his dad.

This puts a child on the spot and is disruptive when being on the job. The teen is trying to be professional and does not want to discuss an abusive history with strangers or acquaintances.

When I was dining in my favourite restaurant post-divorce with my kids, the owner came over and said that he had a message to deliver from my ex.

This took me by surprise and upset the boys. I did not listen to it, told this friend not to play middleman again, and to refuse to take on the messenger role in the future. He actually was relieved.

If you witness verbal abuse towards a child of divorce, please step in and intervene. One mum was livid when the parents present did not help her son at a Boy Scout Meeting.

The scout master was a good friend of the boy’s father and was continually telling him he was behaving badly towards that parent.

One evening he screamed at the child and accused him of being disrespectful to his dad. The lad became hysterical and my friend had to rush over and pick up her son. Both collaborative solicitors accepted the therapist’s advice to drop scouts.

At school, I occasionally overhear pupils asking a kid about an absent parent. I quickly change the subject and bring up a topic, such as the upcoming science fair or school concert. When you see a child of divorce is uncomfortable or is in a bad spot, please come to their aid.

Personify kindness and be non-judgemental when being around children of divorce.

Do not try to reunite a child with a parent as that is not your business. Be supportive to children and let them know you are happy to listen. A divorce is between two adults and is not a free-for-all, with others getting involved. Hold your opinions and judgements when talking to children of divorce, especially when it is about their parents.

If people think before they open their mouths in general, the world would be a better place.

Wendi Schuller - Global Guide to Divorce

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Global Guide to Divorce

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Web site is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Family Court Leaves Children In Uncertainty For Nine Months
a classroom, a lecture, a lesson is going on, students are listening to the teacher, the teacher talks about the new theme of the lesson
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Family Court Leaves Children In Uncertainty For Nine Months

Published on
Alison Bull
Alison Bull
Partner
Mills & Reeve LLP
Donna Morgan
Donna Morgan
Counsellor and Therapist
Donna Morgan Counselling
Jane Ingleby
Jane Ingleby
Partner
Mills & Reeve LLP

 

 

 

 

 

 

Private law family court cases took an average of nine months to conclude over the last two years, meaning children involved in proceedings are effectively spending the equivalent of a full school year or around six summer holidays in legal limbo, new analysis reveals.

The research, conducted by leading law firm Mills & Reeve, used Freedom of Information requests submitted to HM Courts and Tribunals Service (HMCTS) to obtain detailed data on private family court cases across 2024 and 2025, including case volumes, duration, hearing rates and regional variation.

Across private law, the family courts dealt with 44,494 cases in 2024, with an average duration of 41.8 weeks and 2.5 hearings per case. In the first half of 2025, there were 20,075 cases, with an average duration of 39.7 weeks and 2.4 hearings per case.

Commenting on the findings, Alison Bull, partner at Mills & Reeve, said: “It’s clear that too many families are still facing significant delays in the family courts, with cases routinely lasting around nine months. For children, that is not just a legal process on paper, it’s the equivalent of a full school year spent in uncertainty or around six summer holidays. Research shows that outcomes for children and young people can be negatively affected by ongoing parental disagreement and conflict, which can further feed into that uncertainty.

“While there are some signs of modest improvement in parts of the system, overall progress remains limited and uneven. The picture continues to point to sustained pressure on the family courts, with persistent delays and variability in outcomes across different types of cases and regions, indicating that underlying challenges in capacity and timeliness have not yet been fully addressed.”

These delays can prolong disputes and make it more difficult for families to move forward, leaving children without stability or certainty while arrangements remain unresolved. Donna Morgan, an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families, said:

“In my experience, it’s often the uncertainty surrounding separation and divorce that has the greatest emotional impact on children. Children are remarkably resilient when they feel safe, informed and supported. However, when decisions remain unresolved for extended periods, children can be left feeling anxious, confused and emotionally unsettled.

“Children rely on stability and predictability to feel secure. When they are unsure where they will live or when they will see each parent, many begin to worry about things they cannot control. What they need is reassurance, consistency and confidence that the adults around them are working to protect their wellbeing. This can make a significant difference to a child’s emotional health both during separation and in the years that follow.”

Across both years, the North West remained the highest region for hearings per private law family court case across both 2024 and 2025, recording an average of 2.8. Meanwhile, London recorded the lowest average hearings per case in 2024 at 2.3, while Wales recorded the lowest average in 2025 at 2.1.

As a result of these delays, family arbitrations in England and Wales have doubled since 2023, according to figures from the Institute of Family Law Arbitrators. This followed a rule change in 2024 requiring parties to consider alternative forms of dispute resolution before proceeding to court.

Family arbitration is a private process used to resolve financial and children arrangement disputes when couples separate, providing a binding decision without the need for court proceedings where agreement cannot be reached through mediation or negotiation. It can be used to resolve disputes concerning children as well as financial matters.

Jane Ingleby, partner at Mills & Reeve, added: “When court timetables are stretched, families often benefit from considering alternative routes to resolution. Solutions like family arbitration offer a private and structured way to resolve disputes about finances and children without the delays of court. 

“It allows parties to choose an experienced decision-maker, set more flexible timetables and reach binding outcomes more quickly, while maintaining confidentiality. For many separating couples, it can provide a more efficient and focused way of resolving issues at what is often a very difficult time.”

Donna has also shared five tips for parents supporting children through separation:  

  • Provide age-appropriate honesty: Children need truthful information that is appropriate for their age and level of understanding. 
  • Maintain routines wherever possible: Regular routines around school, activities, mealtimes and bedtime help children feel secure.
  • Keep children out of adult conflict: Children should never feel responsible for managing communication between parents or be asked to take sides. 
  • Encourage emotional expression: Create opportunities for children to talk, ask questions, draw, play, or express their emotions in ways that feel comfortable and natural to them. 
  • Offer frequent reassurance: Remind them that the separation is not their fault and that the adults around them are working together to keep them safe and cared for.

Read more articles by Mills & Reeves LLP.

About Alison Bull

Alison is a highly experienced family mediator, financial and children arbitrator, and lawyer. She is passionate about sorting things out without attending court if possible, and used to handling complex, conflictual situations in England & Wales and internationally. She focuses on the bigger picture and the best interests of children, and is an effective litigator when required. Alison helps clients to agree parenting plans, and with issues about property, businesses, trusts, pensions and international assets. As well as working with individuals, she has conducted many cases working with separating couples who want to reach agreement together in mediation or with the advice of one lawyer.

About Donna Morgan

Donna Morgan is an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families. She specialises in anxiety, trauma, family relationships, separation and emotional wellbeing. Drawing on a humanistic and trauma-informed approach, Donna helps parents and children navigate significant life transitions with greater emotional safety, resilience and understanding.

Alongside her private practice in Surrey, Donna has extensive experience working within educational settings and supporting families through periods of change, conflict and emotional challenge. Her work focuses on helping parents better understand their children’s emotional needs while building healthier communication and stronger family relationships during times of transition.

About Jane Ingleby

Jane is a highly experienced family law solicitor, with a particular focus on complex financial and children matters. Her practice includes high-conflict child arrangements, allegations of alienating behaviours and domestic abuse, UK and international relocation and surrogacy.

She is also highly skilled in advising on the financial aspects of separation, especially in cases involving businesses and trusts. In addition, Jane provides expert guidance on wealth protection, including pre- and post-nuptial agreements.

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What Concerned Parents Need to Know About Child Relocation

Published on
Anthony Parrish
Anthony Parrish
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored article by Jones Myers.

Disputes among separated and divorced parents over access to their children can become  fraught and complicated when one parent seeks to relocate them to a different area in the UK or to a new country overseas.

Anthony Parrish, a Partner in the Children’s Department  of Jones Myers niche family law firm,  addresses frequently asked questions.      

What circumstances prompt parents to relocate their child/children?

The main ones are returning to the country of origin to be with family, work, a new partner, and, for a better standard of living.’

Are the current laws straightforward for separated parents to move their child/children both in and outside the UK – and do they guarantee the other parent visitation rights?

If a parent wishes to relocate with a child permanently from their current country of residence,  they require either written permission from everyone holding parental responsibility for the child – or an Order of the court, called a Specific Issues Order.

Do different laws apply for relocating children to different continents?

No, the law is the same regardless of which country the relocation is to. However, consideration must be given to the specific country when looking at welfare and safety issues. For example, a relocation to France is very different to one to Iran.

What factors do courts consider when deciding relocation cases?  

A number of points, one of the main ones being the child’s ability to retain a relationship with the left behind parent. They will also look at the education needs of the child, support networks, the parents’ ability to provide for the child financially, housing etc.

What options are open to parents who are seeking to stop their child/children being relocated at home or abroad? 

The parent can file a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent the child being taken out of their  jurisdiction and also seek a ‘Lives-with’ Child Arrangement Order for the child to live with them at the same time.

What recourse is there for parents if their ex has already taken their child/children to a new area in the UK or to a foreign country?  

This would be regarded as child abduction, therefore the immediate recourse would be under the Hague Convention, if the country is a signatory. It is more difficult in a Non-Hague country where parents could apply for the child’s return under the inherent jurisdiction of the High Court.  However, many Non-Hague countries will simply look to their own laws and often refuse to recognise this jurisdiction.

How long do conflicts relating to relocation cases at home and abroad take to resolve?  

On average six months, however, each case is different.

In Jones Myers’ extensive experience, how does the upheaval affect a child/children’s well-being?

Any relocation will affect them as they won’t be seeing the other parent as much and are moving to a new country and leaving friends and family behind. Despite all this disruption, children can be resilient.

I would urge concerned parents who are in this situation to seek legal advice immediately from family law experts like Jones Myers who are experienced in children law and child relocation.

Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce

Read more articles by Anthony Parrish and Jones Myers.

About Anthony Parrish

Anthony Parrish’s extensive experience in family law spans over two decades, during which time he has developed specialisms in matters relating to children law.

A member of Jones Myers internationally renowned Children’s Department, he deals with issues relating to children, teenagers, parents (including those represented through their official solicitor) and local authorities.

His expertise also encompasses international child abduction cases and same sex relationship issues.

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The Pathfinder Process: Putting Children First in Divorce

Published on
Arzu Lone
Arzu Lone
Divorce & Family Law Solicitor
Woolley & Co Solicitors

The Child Impact Report: What Separating Parents Need to Know

Family court proceedings have traditionally been seen as time-consuming and emotionally draining, with important concerns around safety not always addressed as early as they should have been. To address this, the Pathfinder Courts pilot launched in Dorset and Wales in 2022, before expanding across South-East Wales, Birmingham, West Yorkshire, and several other regions. The pilot significantly reduced the time to resolve cases by more than seven months and has been widely welcomed. In March it was announced that the process – now known as Child Focused Courts – would be expanded throughout England and Wales. 

At the heart of this new system sits a single document: the Child Impact Report (CIR). Here is what every parent needs to understand about it. 

What the CIR Is and Who Prepares It

The Child Impact Report is a comprehensive welfare assessment that provides a child-led analysis of a child’s lived experience, safety, and emotional needs. Governed by the Child Impact Assessment Framework (CIAF), it replaces the traditional Safeguarding Letter and Section 7 report with a single investigative document filed early in proceedings. It is prepared by a Family Court Adviser (FCA) from Cafcass – the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service – or, where children’s services are already involved, by a local authority social worker.  

The CIR is split into two parts. Part 1 is the main report, completed first. The court can order a Part 2 report if anything has changed for the child or more information becomes available after Part 1 was conducted.  

When Does the Process Begin?

The Pathfinder process begins when an application (C100 or C1A) is issued. The court reviews the application and sends an order to Cafcass on Day 1. Safeguarding checks are completed within seven working days. The case is allocated to a Family Court Adviser, and if a full assessment is required, the FCA completes the Child Impact Report within 40 working days, minus the seven used for initial screening.  

For parents, this means the clock starts immediately. There is no extended period of procedural delay before Cafcass becomes meaningfully involved, and that changes everything about how parents need to prepare. 

What Parents Are Asked to Provide

Cafcass will make enquiries with the police, local authority where required, and schools, and will contact the parties to discuss the children and any risks posed to them. Parents can expect to be contacted by their FCA relatively quickly. The CIR sets out basic information about the family and collates information from different sources, including schools, health agencies, and wider family members. Where appropriate, it also incorporates a risk assessment from a domestic abuse specialist.  

How Children Are Involved

Children are seen in person within 15 working days from allocation, where appropriate. For younger children, this may involve observation during a home visit rather than a formal conversation; for older children and teenagers, a more direct discussion is likely. Decisions about interviewing children are generally taken sensitively, especially where children have special needs, with schools the preferred venue.  

Crucially, children are not being asked to choose between parents. The purpose is to understand their experiences, concerns, and wishes so these can properly inform the court’s decision-making. A child who expresses a preference is not casting a deciding vote – the court weighs those views alongside age, maturity, and all other welfare considerations.  

Things Worth Knowing Before You Start

Most parents going through this process are doing their best in genuinely difficult circumstances. The points below are a heads-up about common misunderstandings that can make things harder than they need to be. 

Keep the focus on your child, not your co-parent. It’s natural to want to explain the full history of what’s gone wrong. But the CIR is about your child’s experience and welfare, not about who was right or wrong. You’ll make the most of your time with the FCA by coming prepared to talk about your child – their routines, friendships, how they’ve been coping, and what they need. 

Try not to prepare your child for their Cafcass visit. A brief, calm reassurance that someone wants to find out how they’re doing is fine. But coaching them on what to say, even with good intentions, puts them under pressure. FCAs are skilled at helping children feel at ease, so the best thing you can do is let that happen. 

Your child won’t be asked to choose sides. The FCA’s role is to understand your child’s feelings and experiences, not to ask them to make a decision. Be careful how you explain the process to them – framing it as “you get to tell the judge where you want to live” can create anxiety and unrealistic expectations. 

Respond to Cafcass promptly. The early stages are crucial, as information provided at the outset can shape the entire case. Getting back to Cafcass quickly ensures your perspective is fully reflected in the report.  

If you disagree with the CIR, there is a proper route. Any challenge should be made within seven days of the second gatekeeping hearing by applying to vary the order. Speak to your solicitor – that is always more effective than contacting the Cafcass officer directly. 

How to Approach the Process Constructively

The most useful reframe for any parent is this: the question is not “how do I win?” but “how do I help the court understand my child’s life and needs?” 

Courts under Pathfinder expect parents to demonstrate insight into their child’s experience and the impact of parental conflict. A parent who can speak coherently about their child’s routines, friendships, school life, emotional needs, and how the separation has affected them – rather than primarily about the failures of the other parent – is far more likely to make a positive impression on a Family Court Adviser.  

If there are genuine safety concerns – domestic abuse, substance misuse, or risk of harm – these should be raised clearly and factually. Specialist domestic abuse organisations may conduct risk assessments and provide ongoing support throughout proceedings. Parents who have experienced abuse should not be deterred from raising it out of concern that Pathfinder’s emphasis on non-adversarial resolution means serious risks will be minimised. The CIR specifically incorporates domestic abuse risk assessment where relevant.  

What Happens After the CIR Is Submitted

The judge reviews the CIR and decides how to proceed. This may involve referring parents to mediation or non-mediative interventions, ordering further assessments, making an interim order, or holding a decision hearing to make a final order.  

Cases without complex safety concerns, but where agreement cannot be reached, may be allocated to the adjudication track and proceed to a decision hearing. More complex cases – typically involving allegations of domestic abuse requiring fact-finding – are allocated to the case management track. While these may require multiple hearings, the court has clearer information about risks and welfare concerns from a much earlier stage.  

This new model means that the first court hearing may also be the last. Because the CIR has already placed comprehensive welfare information before the court, judges can and do make final orders at the first Information and Decision Hearing so the importance of the Child Impact Report cannot be overstated.

Read more articles by Woolley & Co Solicitors.

About Arzu Lone

Arzu Lone is a family solicitor with Woolley & Co, Solicitors. She is based in Sutton Coldfield and is focused on helping clients at every stage of separation and family proceedings. Arzu brings over 15 years’ experience specialising exclusively in family law, advising clients on all aspects of relationship breakdown including divorce, financial settlements and children matters. She also has particular expertise in complex cases, including cross-border divorce and high-conflict children disputes involving sensitive issues such as coercive and controlling behaviour.

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No Child Should Be a Case Number: When a Child’s Future Is Decided in a Courtroom in 40 Minutes

Published on
Kristyna Hawkett
Family Mediator and Founder
MinusOne Mediation

Every three months, more than 14,000 new disputes between parents about their children are brought into the court system in England and Wales, affecting over 20,000 children¹.

Let’s just stop and think about this. No child should be a case number. And yet, in practice, that is often what they become – part of a process designed to manage disputes, not childhoods. While the number of cases is unsettling, it is even more concerning that, inside the family court, a judge may have less than an hour – sometimes as little as 40 minutes – to move a case forward.

Forty minutes.

That’s less time than most families spend deciding where to go on holiday. Less time than a single school lesson. Less time than it takes to watch an episode of a television drama that, ironically, often portrays the very system parents find themselves in. And yet, some people continue to treat the court process as the default route for resolving parenting disputes.

Private law children’s cases are rising steadily. Behind each application is not just a legal issue, but a family in distress, often already struggling to communicate, regulate emotions, or make decisions together. And very often, it’s not as complicated as it first appears. It’s two parents stuck in conflict – hurt, frustrated, and often angry, reacting to each other, rather than stepping back and thinking clearly about what their child actually needs.

Of course, there will always be cases where court involvement is necessary, and where there are safeguarding concerns or risks that require clear legal intervention.

But for many families, that is not the starting point. Parents don’t enter the system thinking they are doing anything wrong. Most come in believing they are protecting their child or doing what they believe is right.

Frustration, hurt and anger can begin to shape how parents speak to, and about, each other. Over time, this can influence how a child experiences both parents. And this is where things become more complex because in the middle of conflict, perspective tends to shift. What may begin as two parents trying to do what they believe is best for their child can, over time, move further away from the child’s needs and deeper into conflict.

A court order can decide where a child lives, how much time they spend with each parent, and how decisions are made. But it doesn’t teach people how to parent together. It doesn’t help when a teenager suddenly refuses contact. It doesn’t ease the tension. It doesn’t prepare parents for the everyday realities of birthdays, new partners, changing routines, or a child trying to adjust between two homes.

At best, a court order gives structure. But real life doesn’t follow a timetable. And still, many parents come away believing that once the order is in place, things will fall into place too. Often, they don’t.

One of the biggest misunderstandings in family disputes is the idea that someone has to be right. But parenting after separation isn’t about winning. It’s about adjusting. Children don’t benefit when parents become fixed in their positions. They benefit when parents can stay flexible and keep talking, even when things are difficult.

But going through a court process together doesn’t always support that. In many cases, it can make it harder for parents to work together afterwards. This is where the system often falls short. Because while the legal process focuses on evidence, statements, and outcomes, children need something different: stability, understanding, and the sense that both parents can still work together, even if they’re no longer together.

For many parents, the legal process itself becomes an additional barrier. Legal terminology, let’s call it “legalese”, can feel overwhelming, confusing, and inaccessible for those without a legal background. Parents are expected to navigate complex procedures, interpret formal documents, and make important decisions, often without fully understanding the implications, at a time when they may already be struggling themselves. Parents are asked to make long-term decisions while everything still feels uncertain.

When parents have the right support around them, they are better able to think clearly, communicate more effectively, and make decisions that their children can actually live with. The end of a relationship is not the end of a family. It is a restructuring. And that restructuring doesn’t stop once the paperwork is signed or the order is made. In many ways, that’s when the real work begins.

Co-parenting is not a static arrangement – it evolves over time as children grow, circumstances change, and new challenges arise. Yet ongoing support for families after separation is often minimal. We prepare people for the legal process. We rarely prepare them for what comes after.

If the goal is truly to prioritise children, then we need to rethink how we approach family disputes. We need to move away from the idea that resolution is something imposed from the outside, and towards approaches that empower parents to create sustainable, workable solutions themselves. This is not about limiting options for families, but about expanding them.

It’s about recognising that while courts have an essential role, they are not designed to meet the full spectrum of needs that separating families experience. And perhaps most importantly, it’s about acknowledging that children should be spared unnecessary conflict wherever possible.

The reality is clear. The system is under pressure, and families are left to navigate a process that was never designed to support them holistically. But there is another way. One that looks at how families can resolve disputes without going through the court process and instead focuses on supporting parents to make decisions together in a way that works for their children. One that recognises that the long-term wellbeing of children depends not on court orders, but on the quality of the relationships around them. Because in the end, the question isn’t whether the court can make a decision. It’s whether that decision will truly help a family move forward. And in many cases, the answer may be more uncomfortable than we expect.

So where in the process are parents shown how to actually make it work afterwards?

 

  1. Ministry of Justice,Family Court Statistics Quarterly, January–March 2025 and July–September 2025.
    Cafcass, Management Information and Demand Data (2025).

 

About Kristyna Hawkett

Kristyna Hawkett is a family mediator and founder of MinusOne Mediation. She works with separating parents to reduce conflict and support more constructive, child-focused ways of moving forward. She helps parents navigate both the divorce process and what comes after, when day to day co-parenting becomes the real challenge.

Email Kristyna Hawkett: kristyna@minusonemediation.com

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‘I’m Keeping the Kids!’ – What to Do If Your Ex Won’t Return the Children After They Have Spent Time With Them

Published on
Francesca Dooley
Trainee Legal Executive (Associate Member)
Family team, Birketts LLP

Worried because your ex hasn’t returned the children after they have spent time/lived with them? Francesca Dooley, Trainee Legal Executive in the family team at Birketts LLP, explains your legal options, when to call the police, and how a family solicitor can help.

When a co‑parent refuses to return the children after an agreed period of spending time/lived with, it can be frightening, stressful and emotionally overwhelming. Many parents are unsure what their rights are, or what practical steps they can take in the moment. This guide explains the legal position, what you should do straightaway, and the options available to help you restore normal arrangements as safely and quickly as possible.

Is it against the law if my ex doesn’t return our children?

In England and Wales, the law treats this situation differently depending on whether there are existing court orders:

  • Where there is a Child Arrangements Order in place
    If a Child Arrangements Order (CAO) is in place setting out the time the children live with/spend time with each parent and the other parent does not adhere to this then they are in breach of the court order. This is a serious matter, and the court can enforce the order. However a parent can admit to breaching an order if they say they have a reasonable excuse for example that there is a safeguarding reason not to return the children to the care of the other parent.
  • Where there is no court order
    If no CAO exists, the police are limited in what they can do unless there is an immediate safeguarding concern. Both parents typically have parental responsibility, which means each parent has the right to have the children with them unless a court order says otherwise. A parent can’t ‘kidnap’ their own child/ren. The police may do a welfare check, but generally are not keen to get involved.

However, refusing to return the children can amount to child abduction if one parent removes the children without consent and without a reasonable excuse from the jurisdiction of England and Wales.

Step 1: Try to Make Contact and Stay Calm

Although emotions run high, your first step should be to:

  • Attempt contact with the other parent by phone, text or email
  • Ask for a clear explanation of the delay
  • Keep records of all communication

Often, misunderstandings can be resolved without escalation, but documenting everything is important if the matter goes further.

Step 2: Consider Contacting the Police

The police can intervene in some circumstances, such as:

  • Where a Child Arrangements Order states the child/ren are to be in your care
  • Where there is a risk of harm/safeguarding reasons
  • Where a parent threatens to take the children out of the jurisdiction
  • Where the children have been taken by someone without parental responsibility

Police may use their powers under the Child Abduction Act 1984, but they will generally try to encourage the other parent to comply voluntarily.

If there is no immediate risk, the police are likely to advise you to seek legal advice/a Family Court remedy.

Step 3: Seek Legal Advice Quickly

A family law solicitor can advise on:

  • Applying for a Child Arrangements Order (if none exists)
  • Enforcement of an existing CAO
  • Prohibited Steps Orders, preventing removal of the child
  • Specific Issue Orders, addressing particular disputes
  • Emergency remedies where the child’s welfare is at risk

Early legal advice is key to preventing the situation from escalating.

It is important to protect a child from conflict and any communications with the other parent should set out the child’s experience of this conduct, and the impact that they were no doubt expecting to come back to the care of the other parent. Further that there should not be conflict at school (parents jostling to collect a child/ren), nor should a child be kept out of school.

Step 4: Apply to the Family Court (Urgently If Necessary)

If your ex continues to refuse to return the children or there is a safeguarding concern, you may need to apply to court.

Emergency Applications

You can apply without giving notice to the other parent if:

  • You believe the children are at immediate risk
  • The other parent has threatened to take them abroad
  • There is a history of non-return

The court can make urgent interim orders for the return of the children. They are generally very reluctant to do hearings without notice to the other parent. They will list at short notice instead. There are special provisions in the law relating to fear that a child may be taken out of the country to have female circumcision for example.

 Enforcement Applications

Where a CAO has been breached, the court can order:

  • Warning notices
  • Unpaid work requirements
  • Compensation for financial loss
  • Varying the existing arrangement, including changing where the child lives in serious cases

The court’s focus will always be on the child’s welfare, not punishing parents but repeated non-compliance is taken seriously. However as set out above a parent will be asked if they had a ‘reasonable excuse’

The family court is reluctant to make punitive orders, including for costs as the general rule is no costs are awarded in children proceedings.

Step 5: Consider Mediation (If Safe to Do So)

If there is no immediate risk and communication is still possible, mediation can help resolve:

  • Return arrangements
  • Future contact schedules
  • Handover arrangements
  • Holiday contact and communication

Mediation is voluntary but often quicker and less stressful than court.

How to Protect Yourself Against Future Problems

You can help prevent future issues by:

  • Having a clear, written agreement
  • Using shared parenting apps to record communication
  • Requesting a Child Arrangements Order to formalise living and spending time with arrangements
  • Seeking a Prohibited Steps Order if you fear the children might be taken elsewhere

A structured plan reduces the chance of disputes and provides clarity for both parents.

When to Seek Help Immediately

Contact a family solicitor or the police urgently if:

  • Your ex refuses to disclose your children’s location
  • You suspect they may be taken abroad
  • There is domestic abuse
  • The children are at risk of harm

You do not have to navigate this situation alone.

How Our Firm Can Help

We can support you with:

  • Emergency court applications
  • Enforcement of existing orders
  • Drafting clear and robust contact arrangements
  • Advice tailored to your family’s situation
  • Representing you in negotiations or court proceedings

Our priority is to protect your children’s welfare and help you restore stability as quickly as possible.

About Francesca Dooley

Francesca is a Graduate Member of the Chartered Institute of Legal Executives (MCILEX) and joined Birketts as a Trainee Legal Executive in May 2023. She works within the Family Team in the Ipswich office.

Since July 2024, Francesca works closely with Katie Beaven, Juliet Harvey and Ivana Radovic assisting them in providing divorce advice, financial remedies, separation advice/deeds, dissolution of civil partnerships, children arrangements, prenuptial agreements and post-nuptial agreements.

Francesca also deals with surrogacy, private adoption matters, declarations of parentage, as well as platonic co-parenting arrangements.

Francesca was previously working in Birketts’ Property Litigation Team, assisting individuals with high value and complex property disputes. This experience has refined Francesca’s ability to assist clients in resolving their disputes, whether through court or via Alternative Dispute Resolution, and be a source of support when emotions are running high.

Francesca is currently studying with CILEX Law School to qualify as a CILEX Lawyer. Francesca has completed both the Foundation Stage and the Advanced Stage and is now in her final year studying the Professional Stage. Prior to joining Birketts, Francesca has gained over 12 years’ experience working as a Paralegal and assistant in areas including Mental Health Law and Dispute Resolution.

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