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Dealing with Divorce in 3 Steps – Change Lawyers

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SuzyMillerBW-WebDo I need to change lawyers?

In this interview with Sandie Martel of Be OK Therapy, the UK’s Alternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller interviews her about the second of 3 key pieces of advice, taken from Sandie’s personal story to help you cope with your divorce in the best possible manner.

Change Lawyers If You Need To

Change lawyers if the one you hired does not meet your expectations.

I know it can be costly but it could cost you so much more if you do not follow your guts on that. If the person you choose does not correspond to who you are and wants to influence you in a direction you did not want to take – then change!

You might even consider going for Mediation if you believe this is what is more suitable for you, since Mediation allows you to take more control of the divorce process, reduce conflict and save money.

You are going to have to meet or speak to this person for a few months at least, so make sure you get on well and he or she does what you expect them to do.

I was OK and felt very confident when I first started the process and met my lawyer in London for the first time on a Friday. I left the meeting in tears and spent the most horrible weekend (without my kids) in bed, crying.

This person was very vindicative and bitter and it did not work well with me. I know this person wanted the best for me financially, but I did not want my divorce to become a battleground.

I had no intention of ruining my ex-husband’s life, neither my kids’, nor mine.

After the weekend, I decided to search for another lawyer, someone who really listened to my needs and worked with me, without pushing me in any direction.

I was given advice, and I sometimes followed and other times I chose not to do as I was told.  It was my divorce – my choice. And I did not feel forced to do anything against my will.

Isn’t that how it should be for everyone?”

Look out for part 3 of Dealing with Divorce tomorrow!

Suzy Miller is the creator of The Alternative Divorce Guide 

Follow Suzy Miller on Twitter and Facebook

Follow Sandie Martel on Twitter

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Involvling other Experts in your Collaborative Law Process

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Collaborative law is where the couple come together with their own collaborative lawyer and discuss matters fact to face.  There are no letters sent.  Each client instructs their own collaborative lawyer and they, the clients and the solicitors sign an agreement not to make an application to court. If no agreement is reached in the meetings then new lawyers must be instructed if the matter is to go to court.

Austin Chessell
Family Solicitor and Mediator at Shortands Solicitors

When I started working in Family Law in 2005 I would regularly go to court four to five times a week. I thought that there must be a better way to achieve family outcomes as a lot of the clients who obtained a court order were not happy with the order and wanted to return to court to appeal the decision sometimes.

I trained as a Family Mediator in 2009 and as a Collaborative Family Solicitor in 2013 and have to say that the majority of  clients I act for today go through the Collaborative Law or Family Mediation process and tend to be more satisfied with these outcomes than they would be if they had gone through the court system.  The main reason for this is that during the whole process, they make their own decisions as in which way to go rather than have a court decision imposed upon them.

You need to choose the right process for you but if you want an outcome that focuses on interests rather than fixed positions you may want to use Collaborative Law or Family Mediation.

Clients consult Collaborative Solicitors for legal advice and solutions to their legal problems but when there exists issues outside the legal framework and where a specialist is required then they, the specialist, can become part of the four way meetings between the two clients and the two collaborative solicitors. An order can be prepared if an agreement is then reached in the final sessions.

Involving other professionals does not have to mean costs will escalate. If the other professional can tackle the problem and solve it, it can often mean that matters can be resolved quicker and more amicably.  For instance:

  • Couple Therapists:  it may be the case that you are looking to make the marriage work. In the event that meetings with the couple therapist do not work then the door is always open to return to Collaborative Law.
  • Couple counsellingFamily Consultants:  they can work either one on one or with both clients. It may be that you want to explore how the co-parenting will work during the Collaborative process and as well as after the separation. Family Consultants can also help explore any hopes and anxieties you may have during the Collaborative and post Collaborative process.
  •  Child Specialists. it is important that the voice of the child be heard about how childcare arrangements will work. Some mediators do further training so that they can meet with the child (Direct Consultation With Children) where both parents consent to this and it can be very useful in providing details of what the children want the parents to know to help shape current and future childcare arrangements and how holiday childcare arrangements will work.  
  • Independent Financial Advisors. If the financial settlement is to provide a lump sum it may be useful to consult an Independent Financial Advisor to discuss investments or if the main asset is the pension to discuss how pension planning will work.  
  • Accountants. I have worked with accountants in the past where it has been necessary to value business assets during a divorce. The valuations can provide accurate and useful information to the clients when discussing settlement options.

Working with Collaborative professionals can be done at a timescale that works for you rather than having to follow a court timetable as Collaborative Law meetings take place outside of court.

It can take time to have to prepare a joint letter of instruction through solicitors if you are not using the Collaborative process while any instructions for the experts in Collaborative Law can be discussed in an open forum during the four-five way meetings.

If you want to know more about Collaborative Law you should speak to a trained Collaborative Family Solicitor.

Austin Chessell is a Family Mediator who is also trained to mediate with Children. He is also a Collaborative Family Solicitor at Shortlands Solicitors

Email: achessell@shortlands.co.uk

Telephone: 0207 629 9905

Twitter: @FamilyLawLondon

 

 

 

 

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