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Family Mediation – There is much more to it than Divorce and Separation

Published on
Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

If you ask a passer-by what she or he thinks family mediation is about the chances are that that person will mention divorce, separation or disputes about child contact.

In one sense this is correct and it is certainly true that family mediators deal with these types of issues quite routinely.

However, one of the important constituent parts of the term “family mediation” is the word FAMILY.

Are you perhaps involved with one of the following types of dispute which arise more often that our hypothetical passerby might imagine? If so, would you like it to be resolved promptly and cost-effectively?

  • a case involving the parents of a child in local authority care who may be denied any contact;
  • a case involving a grandparent, aunt or uncle who is denied contact with a much loved grandchild, nephew or niece because the child’s parents have separated;
  • a dispute involving a family house sharing arrangement possibly where there is concern about a potentially vulnerable family member leaving home;
  • a case involving a dispute between siblings about a family will or the administration of a trust or estate;
  • an Inheritance Act claim where a close family member or a potentially deserving relative has been left out of a will and has taken the matter to court;
  • an acrimonious dispute affecting a family partnership or company that may ultimately affect its financial viability and the livelihoods of those who work in it;
  • a dispute between siblings or other family members about who cares for an elderly or infirm relative;
  • disagreements about funeral arrangements,
  • A dispute between parents and their child’s school.

If any of the above apply, then mediation may well be for you.

ABOUT PAUL

Paul Sandford (www.albertsquaremediation.co.uk ) is an accredited civil mediator and Tribunal Judge. He is also an associate of a Birmingham-based firm of solicitors, My Business Counsel.

He mediates for a leading UK charity and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training .

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

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Family Mediation, Collaborative or Litigation

Family Mediation, Collaborative or Litigation – Which Divorce Process is Best for You?

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

There are different ways to get divorced to fit individual needs and circumstances.

With family mediation, divorcing couples are required to have a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting or MIAMS to cut down on the cases going to court.

Mediation is particularly helpful for spouses who want to reach their own agreement without the help of divorce lawyers as well as keep the door open for a good relationship post-divorce.

Negotiating can be like a dialogue where husband and wife explain the rationale behind their requests, such as in dividing assets.

They are in control of their outcome with the mediator’s guidance. Although many mediators are also solicitors, they do not give legal advice to either party.

Family mediation can be completed in as few as three sessions and the cost is much lower than in collaborative or litigation process. People who are motivated to work together in discovering a mutually acceptable resolution do well with mediation. Each person can consult with their own solicitor between sessions before signing anything.

Some people who are divorcing difficult spouses may feel more comfortable having their own solicitor during proceedings, as in collaborative divorce.

They have their own personal advocate to guide them through negotiations and look out for their interests. While the collaborative solicitors represent their own clients, they work together as a team to ensure a fair settlement for each party.

We had a collaborative divorce and I still liked my husband’s solicitor when it was finalized. He even gave me ideas for financial help when his client refused to pay any university expenses for our sons. That would not be happening in litigation.

Collaborative divorce brings in experts as needed, such as a financial advisor. Collaborative costs more than mediation but is much less than litigation. Many high profile couples prefer the privacy that is part of the collaborative type of divorce.

There are times where litigation is the way to go.

This is particularly true in abuse cases where a spouse is not going to negotiate face to face with their tormentor.

I interviewed people who divorced spouses with personality disorders and they only felt safe in a court room. Leaving their fate to a judge was just fine for their situations. Hiring a barrister for court and the lengthy proceedings is the most expensive type of divorce.

The court is adversarial in nature and can become a battlefield. Friendlier divorces, such as the first two, make it easier to maintain ties with one’s ex.

Family Mediation, Collaborative or Litigation
Family Mediation, Collaborative or Litigation – Which Divorce Process is Best for You?

The First Directions Appointment (FDA) is the first meeting with spouses and solicitors before a judge who shows what the gaps are in the evidence presented. The time frame for future hearings is set, although they can be cancelled if compromises are reached.

When there are children, Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) may interview them and pertinent people to give a report to the judge.

When parents cannot agree, a judge can issue a Residence Order stating with which parent a child will reside, and the Contact Order is the amount of time that the non-resident parent can see them.

Midway through divorce the Decree Nisi is granted.  Spouses work with their solicitors or barristers to complete their financial arrangements in the Consent Order. Witnesses may be called for the Final Hearing where a judge makes a ruling. A decree Absolute is issued and this finalizes the divorce and both are free to get remarried.

For those without children who want a simple and cheap divorce, there are online companies that provide forms and guidance.

Do research to find reputable company who provides solicitors to go over completed forms to ensure all is in order and a clean break is done without any further financial ties.

Another form of DIY divorce is having a court clerk help one to complete necessary forms. Several did this and later met with a judge. Their spouses were amenable to this process, readily agreed to the splitting of assets and signing the forms.

Whatever type of divorce is done, there are aspects which are the same.

A divorce is granted for ‘’Irretrievable Breakdown’’ with one of the following grounds: Unreasonable behaviour (most common), adultery, two years of separation with both parties consenting to divorce, if they have lived apart for five years, or for desertion.

Both parties have to fill out Form E which is complete financial disclosure. After parents have worked out where the children’s primary residence will be and other issues then a Statement of Arrangements for Children is written.

With the different types of divorce, if a couple gets stuck on an issue they may be sent to a Family Arbitrator.

The arbitrator listens to both parties and has more flexibility than a judge would have in deciding an outcome. Their decision is binding. This speeds up court proceedings. Mediators and collaborative solicitors can send clients to arbitration to get an issue resolved more quickly when clients just cannot compromise. This gets the divorce process back on track.

There are resources available to help you during divorce such as divorce support groups, MeetUp.com, workshops and weekend retreats.

Churches are realizing that divorce is happening and are also having their own seminars. Divorced people gave me valuable recommendations and advice during my acrimonious one.

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Family Law Mediation – “But what about the Children?”

Published on
Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

In family cases involving children, the law is clear-the welfare of the child is the paramount consideration.

However, the adversarial UK court system that people so often use is such that even in the best run of cases, this all-important principle can be overlooked.

All too often separating couples and other relatives confuse what is in the child’s best interest with what they want and not uncommonly their lawyers end up writing tit-for-tat letters to one another which invariably include inflammatory and very hurtful contentions.

In all of this, the children can be forgotten. Their day-to-day lives suffer, their schoolwork suffers and the disruption in their routines can literally turn their lives upside down.

In some instances their long-term development can suffer. Non resident parents and their children can be separated for months!

Mediating child related disputes means that whilst bitterness and recrimination cannot be completely ignored, they are put in perspective.

Family mediators ensure that the disputing parties focus on what is important and help them to find common ground and forge a new found relationship that will help them work together in the future.

Going to mediation means that it is much more likely that a non resident parent will see his/her children more quickly and more often. For the children’s sake mediate!

ABOUT PAUL

Paul Sandford (www.albertsquaremediation.co.uk ) is an accredited civil mediator and Tribunal Judge. He is also an associate of a Birmingham-based firm of solicitors, My Business Counsel.

He mediates for a leading UK charity and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training .

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

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family disputes and family mediation
/

Family Mediation – Family Disputes are not so Much Between Right and Wrong as Right and Right

Published on
Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

Does anyone remember the film, Annie Hall?

In one scene, the screen divides into two showing Annie played by Diane Keaton and Alvie, the Woody Allen character discussing their relationship with their analysts.

Alvie’s analyst asks him, “how often do you have sex together?” He replies-“Hardly ever! I’d say three times a week”.

In response to a similar question from her analyst Annie replies-“Constantly! I’d say three times a week”.

This exchange is not untypical of the emotionally charged disagreements that surface when couples separate.

All too often, e.g. when they are discussing things between themselves or being advised by their lawyers and certainly, when they are in court, this sort of issue which may have underlying significance is either put to one side or is ignored completely.

It is all too often forgotten that disagreements such as Annie and Alvie’s can have a very significant bearing on a couple’s relationship and how they deal with their breakup.

The net effect could be that such issues as child contact are not properly resolved and months or even years down the line the parties find that they are still in conflict with one another.

Mediators are not surrogate therapists or counsellors but in the course of the private, confidential sessions that they facilitate, issues such as those identified by Annie and Alvie can be given proper acknowledgement and if appropriate can be discussed.

Consideration of such issues might result in an acknowledgment by one or both parties which could in turn help them to draw a line and move on.

About Paul

Paul Sandford ( http://www.albertsquaremediation.co.uk/ ) is an accredited civil mediator and Tribunal Judge. He is also an associate of a Birmingham-based firm of solicitors, My Business Counsel.

He mediates for a leading UK charity and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training .

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

 

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define mediation
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Define Mediation as a Divorce Process

Published on
Johnathan Pease Accredited Family Mediator and PPC
Johnathan Pease
Accredited Family Mediator
and PPC

In this interview, we speak with FMC accredited Johnathan Pease of New Landscape Mediation about what exactly family mediation is as well as what it is not.

Johnathan goes on to answer further questions that help define mediation as a divorce process including:

  • Can mediation work for high net-worth individuals?
  • Is family mediation about bringing the couple back together?
  • What about confidentiality?
  • Does working with a family mediator preclude working with a family solicitor?

So if you’re going through divorce or trying to deal with what you imagine is likely to be a difficult and challenging divorce, you may want to hear what Johnathan says about this particular divorce process.

Here’s part of what he had to say when asked to define mediation.

…When going through divorce, a family mediator will do is to take you through the process, in much the same way as a solicitor would in terms of the finances because there are certain legal things that have to happen when separating your finances but a mediator will do it for you in a much more streamlined fashion.

We do sit down with couples, and together organise the finances by looking at what the situation right now, what they both need to achieve going forward and we work out a way of dividing up their assets so that both parties are able to be content with the solution that they come up with. (Cont’d below)

We take that solution and put it together in a proper outcome document that can then be presented to the court for ratification in a consent order.

We do the same thing with the children. We sit down together, we work out, where the children will live, how they’ll move back and forth between the two parents, what’s going to happen over Christmas, what’s going to happen during half terms, holidays and all those sorts of things.

My goal is always to have parents feel that they are able to dance at their children’s wedding 10 years from now as opposed to dragging each other through the courts.

So mediation is a divorce process that helps you to achieve those very simple tasks while keeping your dignity and most of your finances intact.

What is family mediation NOT?

It is not a process where you sit down and get told what is right for you and what isn’t right for you.

It’s not a process where the family mediator sits there and makes a determination that you’re ex-partner has to be punished because he or she has behaved appallingly.

Family mediation is not a process where get specific legal advice but where you get a great deal of legal information. I can tell you for example if a court is likely to ratify and agreement or not. Everybody’s situation is different and our job is to make sure that you’re both content with whatever arrangement you come up with that is available to you within your resources.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Johnathan Pease, of New Landscape Mediation, is a highly experienced family mediator with over 20 years of experience working in family conflict resolution both as a mediator and Family Consultant.

A fully accredited BACP psychotherapist, Johnathan holds several qualifications with ADRg – including Direct Child Consultant (DCC). He is an accredited Civil/Commercial mediator, a member of the UK College of Mediators, and an affiliate member of Resolution.

Johnathan’s flexible and pragmatic approach to mediation makes the most of his understanding of interpersonal dynamics for the benefit of all concerned.

As a father of 2 children, and having experienced a family breakdown himself, Johnathan recognises that there are often many layers to the end of a marriage hindering a successful settlement than first meets the eye. Johnathan applies his varied training and life experience to the time sensitive and practical needs of family mediation with consistent success.

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Family Mediation
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Divorce and Family Mediation

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Family Mediation

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What is Family Mediation Worth
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What is Family Mediation Worth?

Published on
Johnathan Pease Accredited Family Mediator and PPC
Johnathan Pease
Accredited Family Mediator
and PPC

What is mediation worth?

How can you quantify the financial and emotional value of a successful mediation for any given family?

These are surprisingly difficult questions to answer.  For me, they are about as impossible to quantify as: How much money has the Thames Barrier saved since it became operational in 1982?

There is no real way of knowing the degree of damage and personal heartache that has not been suffered in the 176 times the barrier has been raised.

In much the same way, there is no real way of measuring how much money and heartache clients who successfully negotiate a fair and workable financial settlement in mediation are spared.

All we can do is to provide some comparative information about the process of mediation against a bitter legal battle. Before providing this info however, I wish to make one caveat perfectly clear.

Mediation is not suitable for all people. There are a variety of situations where the only real recourse couples have is to rely on the courts to assist them such as where there is domestic violence or child abuse. Those cases notwithstanding however, here are some examples of the cost of choosing not to mediate.

Expense: Aviva insurance estimates the average cost of divorce to be £43,998 per couple. By comparison, the average cost of a mediated settlement with us, for instance, is £2,200 per couple

Time: In that same report, Aviva identified the average time to settle a divorce as 11.5 months. By comparison, in mediation we help most couples reach a full financial settlement within 5 weeks of deciding to mediate (assuming couples are able to provide financial documents such as bank statements etc. in a timely manner).

Psychological costs: The psychological costs of a contested divorce is impossible to quantify over that for those couples who use a Family Mediation Council Accredited (FMCA) mediator. It is certain however, that the vast majority of couples who mediate a solution will be able to complete their divorce process at a fraction of the time and costs over a contested legal battle. These savings in time and money will undoubtedly translate into significant psychological savings as well.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Johnathan Pease, of New Landscape Mediation, is a highly experienced family mediator with over 20 years of experience working in family conflict resolution both as a mediator and Family Consultant.

A fully accredited BACP psychotherapist, Johnathan holds several qualifications with ADRg – including Direct Child Consultant (DCC). He is an accredited Civil/Commercial mediator, a member of the UK College of Mediators, and an affiliate member of Resolution.

Johnathan’s flexible and pragmatic approach to mediation makes the most of his understanding of interpersonal dynamics for the benefit of all concerned.

As a father of 2 children, and having experienced a family breakdown himself, Johnathan recognises that there are often many layers to the end of a marriage hindering a successful settlement than first meets the eye. Johnathan applies his varied training and life experience to the time sensitive and practical needs of family mediation with consistent success.

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Difference Between Arbitration and Mediation

Which Divorce Process? Difference Between Arbitration and Mediation

Published on
Charmaine Hast - Wedlake Bell
Charmaine Hast
Partner and
Head of Family Team

TDM speaks with Charmaine Hast, Partner and Head of Family Team at Wedlake Bell – on Family arbitration as a divorce process.

If you’re going through divorce and are wondering which divorce process to use for your divorce proceedings, you may want to listen to this.

Charmaine Hast talks about family arbitration and the difference between arbitration and mediation.

Questions asked and answered include:

What is Family Arbitration?

Instead of going to court, family arbitration is an easy quick method of trying to cut down on time and legal costs.  You don’t have to wait for a judge to fit your case in his/her list of other cases to adjudicate on a particular day because with arbitration, you choose your judge and you choose your timetable.

What is the Difference between Arbitration and Mediation?

Family Mediation is where the parties work out the terms upon which they’re prepared to agree, whether it’s children matters or  financial matters.  It’s by negotiation and there’s a mediator helping the parties reach a decision.

What you’ve got with arbitration, is that you’ve got two parties who say they’re happy to use the arbitration system, rather than the court system, and what happens is that the arbitrator is actually the person who says to parties, you’ve signed up to arbitration, this is my judgement.

What are the Benefits of Family Arbitration?

Speed!  You don’t have to wait for a court process,  If you issue proceedings today for children matters, you’re first hearing maybe in 2 weeks time or in 3 weeks time.

Is an Award Legally Binding?

Before you enter into arbitration, you’re actually signing a document, which is a standard form, set by the Chartered Institute of Arbitration. 

Both parties sign up to it and you’ll be bound by the arbitrator’s decision. 

The advantage of that is, the arbitrator’s decision is then binding on you, as the parties. Not only will you get a decision which is an arbitrator’s decision, you will also get a decision which is a court order.

Who are Arbitrators and what Credentials do they Have?

There’re retired high court judges, retired district judges, mainly barristers and a few solicitors.

 

Other questions in the interview include:

 Do I still need a Lawyer to Work with me During the Divorce Process?

How does it Work? What does the Process Entail?

Charmaine is regarded as an expert in English Family Law.  She is also a Family Solicitor Arbitrator.

She has particular experience in advising on big-money and big-name divorces. She is able to advise on cross-border money matters and has a particular interest in trusts and pensions.

Charmaine’s practice covers divorce, separation, civil partnerships, pre- and post-nuptial agreements, co-habitation agreements, children issues, abductions and international law.

Contact – wedlakebell.com

 

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Becoming a family mediator
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How Does Family Mediation Work? What is Family Mediation?

Published on
Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Family Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

This is a question, among others, that The Divorce Magazine posed to Family Mediator Paul Sanford of Albert Square Mediation.  

Paul explained that family mediation is an informal process for those going through divorce or any other a family dispute.  

How does Family Mediation Work?

The parties meet informally and through the mediator (or sometimes two mediators), they can work through their differences and hopefully, reach an agreement that can be put in writing. 

As a divorce process family mediation remains a voluntary process.  This means it’s not compulsory to go through the mediation process in order for you to complete the divorce process.

As a divorce process, family mediation remains cheaper, quicker and the pressures that go with court litigation are simply not there.  It does give the parties the opportunity to focus on what matters and what needs to be resolved.

By the end of the process, people are very pleasantly surprised by A) the bill and B) the length of time that it takes to complete.

How to Prepare for the First Family Mediation Session?

The first session would be a pre-meditation session which would probably be a meeting held with each party.  The only “paperwork” that you will be required to show or bring with you at the first meeting is two items of proof of identity.  

Other than that, Paul suggest that before the meeting you,  A) think things through and B) prepare for what you would like the future to look like.

Also when it comes to completing the divorce papers, it is so vital that you are complete them properly,  openly and as thoroughly as possible.  This done well, saves time and money.

Mediators are committed to giving good value money but they cannot do this without your full participation.

Family mediation isn’t a magic wand that you wave and all falls into place.  You have to be ready to work for you to reach that agreement that suits you both.  You need to come prepared to be flexible and ready to compromise, especially when it comes to the children and contact issues.

Do Family Mediators and Family Solicitors Collaborate?

They do but one major difference is that family mediators are completely impartial and cannot be seen to give advice as solicitors can.

Is the Agreement Reached Legally Binding?

The agreement of Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) can indeed be made legally binding by having the lawyers slightly redraft, if need be, and having it reproduced as a consent order by the court. 

Paul Sandford is an accredited civil mediator,  family mediator and Tribunal Judge

He mediates for a leading UK charity, has been appointed a governor/mediator at a London Secondary School and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training and is working towards becoming an accredited family mediator.

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

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family mediation case study

Family Mediation – A Case Study

Published on
Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

A dispute between a couple who divorced five years ago but where there have been ongoing difficulties between them

Frankie and Johnny were married for five years during which time they had two children, John and Jane who are now aged 10 and 12.

Initially they were very happy but five years ago a combination of economic and social factors, coupled with Frankie’s strong but incorrect suspicions that her husband was being unfaithful resulted in a very acrimonious divorce.

Although at that time their solicitors gave them balanced, sensible advice they fought bitterly over a range of financial issues.

They also argued extensively about how often they should each be able to spend time with John and Jane. Outwardly at least they resolved these issues. However, this was partly because they were both emotionally drained and partly because they had run up very large legal bills and just wanted to get things over and done with.

Although Frankie and Johnny were in principle prepared to work within the framework that their divorce settlement provided, they had not managed to resolve any of their personal differences and to date there has been a lot of ill disguised resentment on both sides.

This is particularly true of Johnny who had reluctantly agreed to sign the family home over to Frankie and now has to live in unsatisfactory and quite costly rented accommodation.

Because the children live with Frankie and only stay with him at weekends, he feels that his ex-wife is calling all the shots and that he is little more than what he terms “a meal provider”.

Frankie is not prepared to be at all flexible, interprets the settlement provisions about Johnny’s contact with the children very literally and repeatedly makes hurtful remarks to him.

Johnny retaliates by badmouthing Frankie in front of John and Jane even though it upsets them and is invariably late in making maintenance payments.

Each and every time they meet, Frankie and Johnny row, often in public or in front of the children. Frankie’s mother, Daphne, who has never liked Johnny and whom he considers to be an interfering busybody becomes involved and repeatedly criticises him in front of the children.

Recently, two or three mutual friends in whom Frankie and Johnny have both confided decided that enough was enough and strongly suggested that they go to family mediation.

family mediation case study
Family Mediation – A Case Study

Ostensibly, the purpose of the mediation is for them to revisit the question of how often Johnny sees John and Jane and to consider John’s stated wish that he has more say in his children’s upbringing, particularly their education.

Subsequently, in the process of initially speaking to Frankie and Johnny individually to see whether mediation is appropriate, it becomes apparent to the mediator, Angela, that although at first glance the original divorce settlement appears to have been quite sensible, in reality there are lots of unresolved issues. She initially suggests four sessions but because a lot of progress is made matters are resolved in three.

During their first session, Frankie and Johnny barely speak to one another.

However, once they have grasped that their mediator is not there to impose a settlement on them, they both privately concede that the other is “not all bad”. They both realise that for the first time they have the opportunity to speak to one another with facilitation from an objective, independent third party who is not a lawyer or a counsellor and is prepared to listen and to help them try to reach a settlement that they will both be comfortable with.

In subsequent sessions they are more focused. Johnny concedes that Frankie is a good mother and that it is in John and Jane’s best interests to live with her.

However, he asks her to acknowledge that he is doing his best in difficult circumstances, that he bitterly resents her suggestions of past infidelity on his part, and that his wish to play a more active role in the children’s day-to-day lives is genuine.  He also politely but very strongly suggests that Daphne stops interfering, something that in truth Frankie agrees with.

Having listened to Johnny, Frankie takes a step back. She acknowledges Johnny’s views and agrees that she will try to rein Daphne in.

The net effect is that although Frankie and Johnny do not resolve their personal differences, they agree that they have to put John and Jane first and that they have to try and be more civil with one another. Frankie agrees to be a little more flexible about access arrangements and to keep in touch with Johnny in order to discuss things such as the children’s schooling with him.

In turn Johnny agrees that unless there are any genuine difficulties he will make any required financial payments on time. Both agree that they will keep financial and other issues under review.

Frankie and Johnny liaise with their solicitors and decide not to request the court to make a consent order amending the order made at the time of their divorce. Instead with their solicitors’ help they record their revised agreement in correspondence.

The obvious benefit resulting from Frankie and Johnny going to mediation and entering into a written agreement is that John and Jane are much happier and feel much more secure.

Their parents have effectively saved themselves a good deal of anguish and upset and feel better able to get on with their lives. They have established some lines of communication and because they have to some extent accepted their own failings they are better placed to be civil to one another Their acrimonious feelings about one another do not melt away but they have at the very least agreed to disagree about such matters and they are able to put their animosities to one side.

Paul Sandford is an accredited civil mediator,  family mediator and Tribunal Judge

He mediates for a leading UK charity, has been appointed a governor/mediator at a London Secondary School and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training and is working towards becoming an accredited family mediator.

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

[All names changed]

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families going through divorce

Family Mediation Definition and What to Expect

Published on
Phillip Rhodes Associate Solicitor Slater Heelis
Phillip Rhodes
Associate Solicitor
Slater Heelis

What to Expect from Family Mediation

When faced with the breakdown of a relationship, it can be difficult to think about the best options for you and your family in the future.

Family mediation can help you to discuss your options for separation and devise a plan with your former partner. It all takes place in a controlled, confidential environment that encourages communication and resolution.

Mediation is often a preferred option because it gives you more say in how you want the separation to work, without going to court.

So what is family mediation and what are the benefits? To help you understand more we have created a guide that answers several of the big questions you might have.

What is Family Mediation?

The first important distinction to make is that family mediators do not aim to help you reconcile; mediation is not a form of relationship counselling. Mediators are there to facilitate discussions between you and your former partner once the decision to separate has been made.

If you choose to proceed with family mediation, you and you former partner will work with a qualified mediator to make decisions about how the divorce/separation will work. This includes making agreements about what should happen to your children, finances, property and other assets after you have separated.

What are the Benefits?

Mediation encourages communication between you and your former partner, which can have the effect of making post-separation relations less acrimonious. This can be particularly beneficial to separating parents who will naturally remain in contact.

It also gives you both the opportunity to have your say on what happens post-breakup, allowing you more control over the situation, rather than ultimately having decisions imposed on you.

What will Happen in a Mediation Session?

When you first contact a mediator they will discuss your situation and concerns, provide information about the service and answer any questions that you may have. They will then ask your former partner to also contact them so they can have the same discussion, making sure that everyone is comfortable with the process. Individual meetings are arranged with the mediator before any joint sessions take place.

The mediator will listen to any issues either of you may have as a result of the separation. This can encompass anything, but usually centres on arrangements for children, finances or property. The mediator will then facilitate these discussions and help you both make your own decisions in a managed, secure and safe environment.

Mediation does not take the place of independent advice, so remember that each of you is free to take advice from solicitors alongside the mediation process.

How Long does Mediation Take?

Most mediations will take between three and five sessions, each lasting one to two hours depending on how complex your situation is. However, there is no limit to the number of sessions that you can have, so you can take as much time as is needed to reach solutions that work for both of you.

What Happens when the Mediation Process has Finished?

Once you and your former partner are both satisfied with the decisions reached, the mediator will prepare a number of documents for a solicitor to complete any necessary legal formalities.

The end of a relationship is never easy and it is natural to be anxious about the future. Mediation offers an alternative way of resolving disputes through consensual resolution, thereby removing the stress that often accompanies the adversarial nature of traditional court proceedings.

Children’s feelings are often at the heart of the intended outcome and this ensures that their concerns and worries can be addressed. This can be the key to co-parenting and maintaining relationships between children, their parents and wider family.

Phillip Rhodes is an Associate Solicitor specialising in family law at Slater Heelis, helping to advise and support families on any issue surrounding separation, divorce or dissolution.

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family mediation

What Good is Mediation?

Published on
Simon Robinson Barrister and Family Mediator
Simon Robinson
Barrister and Family Mediator

What good is mediation?  This was the question I was recently asked by a client.

John[1] had separated from his wife, Jane, with whom he had three children, and divorce proceedings had started.  John wanted to know how mediation would help him and was sceptical about its voluntary and impartial nature.

Mediation is voluntary and does depend on the commitment and goodwill of all those involved.  These may be its weaknesses, but they are also its strengths.

Mediation is more personal than a court case as its you, your (former) partner/spouse and the mediator(s).  This can help everyone get straight to the issues, and you, the parties, decide what these are.

A court case is inevitably formal, and there are complex rules, procedures and strict time limits. Mediation is much less formal and the parties are able to talk directly to each other, rather than via lawyers making submissions to a judge.  This doesn’t mean it’s a free-for-all, as mediators will make sure that everyone gets to have their say in a safe and respectful environment.

The freedom to express emotion, without it being held against you, can be one of the most important benefits of mediation.

As a mediator, I’ve heard clients say how valuable it was to be able to tell the other person how they felt.  This can significantly help you to acknowledge the complex emotional issues involved in your situation in a way that enables you to focus on working towards a resolution.  Whilst courtrooms can be the scene of high emotion and drama, experience demonstrates that they are unlikely to feel a safe environment within which to express those feelings.

Mediation is confidential, and so you can feel free to say what you feel you need to.

The only times mediators will break confidentiality is where we have to do so because there is a safeguarding concern about a child or vulnerable adult or to prevent a crime being committed, such as money laundering.

You might understandably feel nervous about going into a room with your ex-partner and having a face to face discussion about personal and emotive issues. But you’re not on your own.

Mediators are trained to level out any power imbalances between parties and will step in if we feel that one person is being overbearing or to prevent a discussion becoming an argument.  I’ve frequently mediated with colleagues of the opposite sex and this can be a good way to help balance out gender differences and ensure that no-one feels isolated.

What good is mediaiton
What good is mediation?

Mediators are impartial, but that doesn’t mean we just sit on the fence.  We’ll give you clear, unbiased information, but not legal advice, and we may actively manage the process so that you can work on resolving as much as you can.

Its not essential to get an agreement on every single point.

Mediation can be successful if the parties narrow down the issues. For example, you might agree arrangements for contact with your children, but don’t agree on whether the family home is to be sold.

The fact that you’ve agreed some issues can save you time and money if you need to go forward to a court hearing or family arbitration.

You can also come back to mediation if necessary and this can be particularly helpful when discussing changes to contact arrangements.

Mediators, and the Government, justifiably say that mediation can be quicker and less expensive than going to court. According to the Ministry of Justice press release of 7 January 2014, an average divorce case costs about £4,000 whereas mediation can cost about £500.  Whilst mediation is less expensive than litigation, that doesn’t mean that mediators are cheap or somehow a lesser service. 

Mediators are professionals, and we may be lawyers, therapists or from another background.  All of us are professionals and comply with a Code of Practice and must meet quality standards.

So, if you go to mediation, does that mean you don’t need lawyers? Not quite.  Although mediators help you to reach an agreement, you’ll still need some legal advice.

This is to help you make sure that your rights are protected and as its often best to then turn your agreement into a court order.  Solicitors and barristers can help you do this, and if the mediator has given you a clear written summary of the agreement, then that will help keep your costs down too as the lawyers will have to do less work.

At the end of the day, a mediation is where you are able to talk about your situation and you hold the decision making power.  In court, although you can put forward your views, a judge will make the decision for you.

Judges in family courts, as well as family arbitrators, are experienced and highly trained people who are committed to deciding cases openly and fairly, and at least some are also mediators.  But, if you can work out a resolution on at least some issues, it can be a way to help you move on with your life.

It can also be a good foundation for co-parenting with your former partner/spouse.  Whilst your roles as partners has ended, your roles as parents will continue, and mediation can help you to do this.

Simon Robinson LL.B(Hons) LL.M MCIArb,

Barrister and Family Mediator

simon@peoplemediation.com

 

[1] Individual’s names have been changed for privacy

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