mediation - Page 2

I think it is fair to say that the Family Mediation Council have not embraced online mediation and see that face to face mediation is the best way to resolve disputes on parenting and finances as part of your divorce or separation.

When you are in a room together you get a better feel for the chemistry and atmosphere taking place.

It is easier to sense when someone is struggling emotionally when they are sitting across a table from you and it is usually far easier to build a rapport when talking to someone face to face.

But you can also engage more in tit-for-tat arguments and over-talking with each other when in the same room – and some people find the close physical contact makes it harder for them to mediate.

How Does Online Mediation Work?

You would usually arrange an initial session with just you and your mediator first. This allows you to explain your situation, what you would like to happen and address any concerns you may have.

These initial sessions can be held via Facetime, Skype, Zoom or WhatsApp Video. In exceptional cases – such as we are facing at the moment, they can be held on the phone too.

You do not need to have a knowledge of technology to make it work, just access to a computer, tablet or smart phone.

Once both parties have had their initial session, you will be invited to the first joint mediation appointment online. These usually last for 90 minutes but can be extended or reduced as required.

Top Tips for Online Mediation

• Try to ensure you have a quiet room to yourself and put a ‘do not disturb’ on that room and also on your front door.
• If you are still living together, make sure you are in separate rooms for the meeting. It doesn’t work if you are in the same room together.
• Ensure any children are looked after and know not to disturb you during the meeting
• Have any financial information you need to share up on your computer or be able to email it. It is handy to have a printed copy to hand as well
• Remember you are not allowed to record the meeting in anyway
• Be conscious of your background an what can be seen behind you

Does It Work?

The short answer is yes!

Meetings tend to progress faster as it is only possible for one person to talk at a time. The mediator will control the meeting, ensuring everything is covered and they can even mute one party if they need to if using Zoom.

Meetings can be set up quicker than face to face meetings, most people need fewer meetings to reach agreement and remember all mediation is ‘without prejudice’ so you can discuss everything safely and explore options without immediately being tied to them.

What If We Cannot Agree?

You can still apply to court and by having your initial meeting with the mediator they can sign and release the appropriate court form for your case.

The courts are still operating and are now holding remote hearings – so if you go to court you will usually be reliant on using Skype. So you might as well try mediation first – it could just save you a lot of time, stress and money.

Will Online Mediation Continue?

The Covid-19 crisis has led many companies and employees to re-think how they operate their services.

And Family Mediation is no different. With more people getting used to using video calling to hold meetings remotely, arranging the parenting, property and financial issues around your divorce or separation will be a natural thing to carry out from the comfort of your own home. And it avoids the awkward leaving the mediation room together and struggling with small talk.

About Ali Carter

Ali Carter is a family law paralegal, mediator, divorce negotiator and founder of Divorce Ltd.  He set up Mediate UK in 2010 and has helped over 3000 clients divorce or separate amicably.

Ali was a serving police officer before going through a difficult divorce himself and he decided to leave the police and set up a family mediation business. Ali also runs a free online divorce clinic for anyone who needs help.

These can be booked here: www.mediateuk.co.uk

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Blog: mediateuk.co.uk/blog

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Jones Myers is a champion of the campaign which is spearheaded by the Family Mediators Association (FMA). Here are some of the most common questions our clients ask us about the process.

What is mediation?

Mediation is a means of resolving divorce disputes constructively, wherever possible, and avoiding costly, public and stressful litigation in court.

The private and confidential process involves an independent third party, a mediator, who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement. Both of you sign an ‘Agreement to Mediate’ to enable negotiation to continue on a ‘without prejudice’ basis.

What does a mediator do?

The mediator facilitates a series of voluntary discussions – assisting and guiding you both to explore and discuss issues and helping to move dialogue forward. A successful outcome results in an agreement which is formalised into a binding court order without you having to go to court.

Can I keep my own solicitor?

Yes, mediation enables you both to retain your own solicitor who you can consult outside of the meetings.

What happens if the mediation talks are deadlocked?

Because mediation is a voluntary process, talks can be concluded at any time if headway is not made.

Can mediation save on legal expenses?

Mediation can result in a swifter resolution, reducing legal expenses which mount up in prolonged divorce cases between warring couples.

I’ve heard its compulsory – is this right?

Mediation is a voluntary process and is not compulsory. You may have read about a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) meeting, usually relating to cases involving finances or children, which couples are expected to attend before court proceedings are issued. These meetings are designed to inform both parties about alternative resolution schemes and to establish if the circumstances are suitable for mediation.

When is mediation not relevant?

We recognise that mediation won’t work for all cases including those relating to domestic violence or child abuse where one or other party may take the view that a mediation meeting is not appropriate.

It is vital that all couples find the right way to divorce for their own individual circumstances. Jones Myers can refer you to a mediator and can offer you support and legal advice to help you prepare for, and achieve, the desired outcome from the mediation.

About Peter Jones

Peter Jones is one of the country’s leading divorce and family lawyers. A qualified arbitrator and mediator, Peter set up Jones Myers as the first niche family law firm in the north of England in 1992 and has acted for a string of high-profile clients.

Renowned for his sympathetic approach, he is a former national chairman of Resolution, a former Deputy District Judge – and instigated the D5 Group of law firms that promotes excellence in family law. www.jonesmyers.co.uk

The high-profile divorce between Ant McPartlin and his estranged wife, Lisa Armstrong, rumbles on with Ant keen to hold further mediation talks but Lisa appearing to be bent on having her day in court.

While Ant is looking to avoid a very public and fractious court divorce, Lisa is reported to prefer this route because half of the TV presenter’s £62 million fortune is ‘not enough’ for her.

Although now looking highly unlikely, a fresh round of mediation talks on how the £62 million is divided would take place between the former spouses and a mediator behind closed doors.

As this high-profile divorce rumbles on, here are some key questions about mediation:

What is mediation?

Mediation is a means of resolving divorce disputes constructively, wherever possible, and avoiding costly, public and stressful litigation in court.

The private and confidential process involves an independent third party, a mediator, who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement. Both of you sign an ‘Agreement to Mediate’ to enable negotiation to continue on a ‘without prejudice’ basis.

What does a mediator do?

The mediator facilitates a series of voluntary discussions – assisting and guiding you both to explore and discuss issues and helping to move dialogue forward. A successful outcome results in an agreement which is formalised into a binding court order without you having to go to court.

Can I keep my own solicitor?

Yes, mediation enables you both to retain your own solicitor who you can consult outside of the meetings.

What happens if the mediation talks are deadlocked?

Because mediation is a voluntary process, talks can be concluded at any time if headway is not made.

Can mediation save on legal expenses?

Mediation can result in a swifter resolution, reducing legal expenses which mount up in prolonged divorce cases between warring couples.

I’ve heard its compulsory – is this right?

Mediation is a voluntary process and is not compulsory. You may have read about a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) meeting, usually relating to cases involving finances or children, which couples are expected to attend before court proceedings are issued.

These meetings are designed to inform both parties about alternative resolution schemes and to establish if the circumstances are suitable for mediation.

When is mediation not relevant?

In cases relating to domestic violence or child abuse one or other party may take the view that a mediation meeting is not appropriate.

Click here for more articles by Peter Jones

About Peter Jones 

 Peter Jones is one of the country’s leading divorce and family lawyers. A qualified arbitrator and mediator, Peter set up Jones Myers as the first niche family law firm in the north of England in 1992 and has acted for a string of high-profile clients.

Renowned for his sympathetic approach, he is a former national chairman of Resolution, a former Deputy District Judge – and instigated the D5 Group of law firms that promotes excellence in family law. www.jonesmyers.co.uk

When relationships run into difficulty, it can be only too easy for negative emotions to take over and to be the primary driving force behind decisions which will have long-term consequences not just for the people involved but for the people around them.

Even if there are no children to consider, the effect of a divorce can spill over onto family and friends.

This is even more likely if the couple moves straight to the courtroom “without passing go”.

While family courts do generally try to take a gentler approach than their counterparts in other areas of the law, even they can bring out the combative side in people, which can end up producing undesirable consequences.

Going to mediation as a first step may not save the relationship (although, in some cases that may be possible), but it does bring many benefits.

Emotions are acknowledged and managed

Mediators do not attempt to eliminate all emotion from the sessions that would be unreasonable and arguably impossible. Instead, they work to ensure that emotions are acknowledged but managed. They aim to stop people from being consumed by negativity and keep them focused on what is in their long-term best interests

Discussions are kept confidential

Courtroom proceedings are, generally, open. There are a very few exceptions to this, but they are highly unlikely to apply in standard divorce proceedings. The openness of courts is integral to the ideas behind them.  Basically, it’s not only that justice needs to be done; it needs to be seen to be done in a fair and reasonable manner.

This approach has a lot of benefits overall, but it may not be ideal in a divorce situation, especially if children are involved as it can result in them finding out information their parents would prefer them not to know, at least not now.

Even if children are not involved, there may be many other reasons for preferring confidentiality.

Sessions can work to a much shorter time-frame than a court

In simple terms, the more people need to be involved in a situation, the more challenging it can be to find a time when everyone can get together.

Courts involve multiple people whereas mediation sessions, in principle, only involve three people (the couple and the mediator). Added to this is the fact that mediators do not necessarily have to treat each issue raised with the depth which would be expected in a legal situation.

There is great flexibility

Obviously, any agreed outcome has to be compliant with the law, but otherwise whatever is agreed between the couple is entirely down to them. As an added benefit, outcomes do not have to be “set in stone” the way they often are in legal proceedings. Couples can test them and make adjustments as mutually agreed.

The cost of mediation can be much lower than going straight to lawyers

For all of the above reasons and more, the cost of mediation can be substantially lower than the cost of going straight to lawyers.

What’s more, if the couple do end up divorcing, they can simply pay lawyers to formalise the agreement created by the mediator, rather than paying them to create a brand new agreement.

Click here for more articles by Elizabeth Bilton

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth Bilton is an accredited mediator and qualified solicitor for Midlands Dove, with a specialism in family law disputes.

Elizabeth is one of only a few Mediators in the UK with an appropriate FMC accreditation to sign off on MIAMs required by the Family Court prior to an application being issued.

Mediation is essentially a safe environment for two people to air, discuss, and hopefully resolve their difficulties.

It is facilitated by a mediator, who is there, essentially to “chair” the meeting, in other words to keep it on track and to ensure that both parties have a fair and equal chance to speak and to be heard and likewise to listen to what the other party has to say in their turn.

They are not referees and definitely not judges. There seems to be quite a bit of confusion about family mediation so here are 5 “urban myths” on the subject along with the hard facts.

Mediation is the same as counselling

Counselling focuses on finding the reasons why a relationship is in trouble and tries to determine what change needs to take place in order to save that relationship (or to minimize the damage to the parties as they separate).

It can be extremely valuable, but it is usually a long-term process involving the recognition of a need for change. Mediation simply accepts the current situation as is, without judgement, and looks to find a way for both parties to move forward with their lives.

Mediation is about finding a way for couples to reconcile their differences

As previously mentioned, mediation is about couples finding a way forward. It may result in couples agreeing to reconcile their differences, but there are many other possible outcomes to the mediation process.

In short, mediation is not a way to “get your partner back” any more than it is a way to “get back at your partner”. It is basically intended to be a way to have a meaningful conversation with your partner.

Mediation can be legally enforced

In and of itself, mediation is just a framework in which to hold a productive conversation on a given topic (or topics). You may choose to convert any agreements made into a legally-binding format but that would be up to you (and your partner).

Mediation can be held against you in court

You and your partner can choose to tell a judge that you have been to mediation and agreed a route forward which you would like to present for their formal approval.

The judge does not have to agree to it, but would probably require a very compelling reason not too (such as reason to believe that one partner had been coerced into an unfavourable arrangement). If, however, you are unhappy with the result of the mediation process, you can simply put the whole situation into the hands of the judge, who will take it forward.

Mediation is a substitute for legal advice

You could argue that there is a certain degree of truth in this in that couples with minimal assets and no children might just agree a way forward in mediation and choose to proceed in court on that basis, but where there are significant assets to be divided and/or children, then it is generally very much recommended to speak to a lawyer as well as to a mediator.

About the Author

Elizabeth Bilton is an accredited mediator and qualified solicitor for Midlands Dove, with a specialism in family law disputes.

Elizabeth is one of only a few Mediators in the UK with an appropriate FMC accreditation to sign off on MIAMs required by the Family Court prior to an application being issued.

Family mediation is fundamentally an inclusive process.

This means that where children are involved, mediation can incorporate not only the biological parents’ points of view, but also those of step-parents, other family members and legal guardians, as well as the children themselves, projecting their voice and allowing then to be heard.

Child-mediation facts

When choosing a mediator for your child-inclusive mediation sessions, there are a few industry standards you should be aware of:

• It is important that the mediator is trained in child consultation mediation and must be registered and qualified by the Family Mediation Council.
• The mediator must have clearance by the disclosure and barring service.
• Before any meeting the mediator should seek to get to know the child through their parents, focusing on their personality, stage of development and activities before exploring all options involving the child.
• To take part in child inclusive mediation, children need to be at least 9 years old. The mediator has to take careful consideration as to whether the child is of sufficient age and maturity to be directly involved.

The child mediation process

Once the mediator has identified that the child is mature enough to handle the responsibility of child-inclusive mediation, there are certain steps that must be taken:

• Both parents have to sign a form of consent for the mediation to go ahead.
• The mediator will then send an email to the child to introduce themself prior to the meeting, this makes them feel grown up and included.
• They can then meet with the mediator on their own, with siblings or with their parents. In my experience, most children want to opportunity to meet alone with the mediator so that they can talk openly and have their voice heard.

The mediation session itself is a short, informal meeting, tending to last half an hour to an hour. In this meeting the child will have a chat with the mediator about their point of view.

There is never any pressure on the child to continue the mediation and the session can be stopped at any point should the child wish to.

After the meeting

After the mediation there is a feedback meeting which the child usually asks not to be present for, during this meeting a few key stages of the mediation take place:

• The mediator gives their feedback to the parents who have to be prepared to hear what the children have to say.
• Usually if all of the proper preparation work has been done between the mediator and the parents, then they are only too happy to listen to what their children have to say.

Once the mediation session is complete, if the parents don’t agree about what is best for the children, there is the option to go to court. However this usually is not necessary since the child-inclusive mediation usually produces a conclusive decision that both parents are satisfied with.

Why choose child-inclusive mediation

The children are not there to make decisions but just to have their voice heard. The big advantage of child-inclusive mediation is that children need explanations and reassurance that their parents have been unable to give them and this process offers this.

By listening to children, you can show your care towards them, therefore child inclusive mediation should always be considered in divorce or separation cases involving children.

ABOUT MARCIA LISTER

A pioneer for mediation since commencing legal practice as a family solicitor some seventeen years ago Marcia has worked exclusively as an independent mediator since 2004, focussing initially on family mediation, and latterly on workplace mediation.

Marcia’s accreditations include Family Mediation and she is a qualified child consultant practitioner. Her associations include the Professional Mediators Association and Resolution.

Applying an approach, founded in both empathy and pragmatism, Marcia has successfully mediated a wide range of diverse disputes, both in and out of the workplace and at least a glimmer of a smile, maybe, on the faces of each participant at the close of the day is what makes her work so rewarding for all involved.

Marcia’s mediations are a platform to build successful outcomes for everyone concerned.

Marcia is also a Resolution qualified Professional Practice Consultant (PPC).

She provides support and guidance to assist newly qualified mediators working towards their senior accreditation level. She acts as a mentor and sounding board for the mediators and provides professional assistance and second opinions to help them move forward in their new roles.

To contact Marcia visit – marciamediation.co.uk

Photo by Zach Lucero on Unsplash

Children can suffer from the stress of separation and divorce just as much as their parents, but mediation helps to give them a voice and more confidence in their future.

When families think about divorce they usually think of going through the court systems and putting a case forward.

Some may even think of involving their children in the divorce court, but mediation is a more peaceful alternative that should not be overlooked.

Mediation acts in the interests of all involved parties, making the experience less distressing for all and aiming to reach a reasonable agreement that pleases everyone involved.

What do Mediators do?

Throughout the mediation process, mediators aim to bring your divorce or separation to a mutually agreeable resolution, putting the control in your hands rather than leaving it to a judge in a court hearing.

Mediation can be used in all separation, divorce and even surrogacy cases, where mediators will listen to couples and also, where appropriate, your children’s views, opinions and feelings.

Mediators make it easier to come to a solution that suits everyone involved, for example on issues like property dividends, shared care and other assets where couples might struggle to come to an agreement on their own.

Is Mediation Compulsory in Divorce Cases?

As of 2014, divorcing couples are required by law to at least consider mediation before making any court applications.

The Children and Families Bill states that anyone seeking a court order to resolve a dispute over children, finances or property dividends must attend a ‘mediation information and assessment agreement’.

This is a beneficial act for both couples and the courts as it helps you to learn about the expensive costs and added stress of going through the divorce courts so that you can make your own informed decision.

While mediation is not mandatory – you can still choose to go to court if you wish – a mediator can also help you to compile submissions to the court too. The different approaches are complementary, rather than mutually exclusive.

Making Children’s Voices Heard in Divorce

For many families, keeping children away from the stress of the court system is very important, but children can feel anxious if they are not involved in the process. This is why child-inclusive mediation aims to include children throughout every stage of the process, giving them a say in their own future.

Inclusive child mediation prevents children from feeling powerless about their situation, when many are mature enough to have a say in their future.

Even if the children are not old enough to make a decision in their future, mediation will allow them to feel less ‘left-out’ when it comes to decision making on their behalf and reduces stress on the family as a whole.

While the final decision is always likely to be a compromise, child-inclusive mediation makes sure the child’s voice is heard, so the arrangements made on issues like where the children live and how often they see the other parent are more likely to be satisfying to both parents and to the child too – equipping everyone for a brighter family future, whatever the outcome.

About Marcia Lister

A pioneer for mediation since commencing legal practice as a family solicitor some seventeen years ago Marcia has worked exclusively as an independent mediator since 2004, focussing initially on family mediation, and latterly on work place mediation.

Marcia’s accreditations include Family Mediation and she is a qualified child consultant practitioner. Her associations include the Professional Mediators Association and Resolution.

Applying an approach, founded in both empathy and pragmatism, Marcia has successfully mediated a wide range of diverse disputes, both in and out of the work place and at least a glimmer of a smile, maybe, on the faces of each participant at the close of the day is what makes her work so rewarding for all involved.  Marcia’s mediations are a platform to build successful outcomes for everyone concerned.

Marcia is also a Resolution qualified Professional Practice Consultant (PPC).

She provides support and guidance to assist newly qualified mediators working towards their senior accreditation level. She acts as a mentor and sounding board for the mediators and provides professional assistance and second opinions to help them move forward in their new roles

To contact Marcia visit – marciamediation.co.uk

MIAM stands for Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting.

MIAM is a short meeting where each disputant meets with a trained Family Mediator to get information about how mediation works and to understand the benefits it can offer as a way to resolve disputes.

At the meeting, the mediator will discuss with the parties the nature of their dispute and will explore with them whether mediation would be a suitable way to resolve the issues on which there is disagreement.

If mediation is appropriate, the mediator will discuss with the parties how many sessions they may need, how much it would cost, information about other services that provide help and explain whether they might qualify for legal aid to pay for mediation.

If everyone agrees to try mediation then an appointment is made for the joint mediation meeting.

On the other hand, if mediation is not appropriate for the parties’ circumstances, the mediator will explain why mediation is not suitable option to resolve their dispute and certificate explaining reasons.

If the parties are exempted from mediation, they can decide to take their case to court but they are expected to provide confirmation from a mediator that a ‘mediator’s exemption’ applies.

When does MIAM come in Divorce Proceedings?

It is requirement for separating couples to attend a MIAM before making certain kinds of applications to obtain a Court order. These applications include children contact or divorce proceedings.

If a party makes application to Court without trying other options to resolve dispute, the Court has a general power to adjourn proceedings in order for non-court dispute resolutions to be attempted such as Family Mediation option.

The court would require confirmation from a mediator that she or he has attended a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting (MIAM).

About Kadan Hassan

Kadan Hassan is aspiring lawyer and a trained Family Mediator with over 9 years’ helping families resolve broad range of disputes.

She is committed to the constructive and cooperative resolution of family disputes and to helping her clients to see the big picture – that their family assets are more than just bricks and mortar and money, they include future relationships specially where children are involved.

Kadan is also knowledgeable in Islamic divorce law.

She is a member of College of Mediators and Family Mediation Council.

Outside of work, Kadan’s physical and mental discipline is Muay Thia boxing.

Tell: 07961228846

Email: Kadan@divorcemediationservice.co.uk

Website: http://www.divorcemediationservice.co.uk/