Several men stated that post-divorce is the opportunity for change and be can be the catalyst for trying something new.
They said when their divorced friends clung to the past they did not fare as well in the post-divorce period. The past cannot be altered, but knowledge gained can be invaluable for moving on.
Terry was adamant that men have to do work on themselves after a bad break up before getting into a new relationship.
His buddies that got divorce number two did not pause to reflect upon their part which ended the marriage and what could be done differently the next time around.
He advises men not to rush into a new partnership too quickly and make sure they understand how to communicate more effectively. He had a session with a therapist and has been blissfully wedded to his second wife for fifteen years.
One man feels that he got a divorce too quickly and could have worked out differences with his wife.
He tells other men not to be in a rush for a divorce when hitting a bad patch during marriage. They did not have marital counselling which may have gotten their relationship back on track. He has a job which involves frequent travel and he misses his two young daughters.
He jumped into a new relationship right away and has doubts about being with this new girlfriend. This “what if” situation is keeping him in a holding pattern and he is not moving on. Be clear that a relationship is truly over before getting into another one.
Some men commented that some of their divorced peers were living on junk food. Dr Kawachi of the Harvard School of Public Health’s study of 30,000 men indicated this result.
Recently divorced men tended to have a decrease in a healthy lifestyle, partly due to eating less vegetables and consuming more fried food. Although this is changing, in many households, women were the main chefs during marriage. In the States, there is a trend for single men to take some basic cooking classes which then negates this issue of divorce.
The New England Research Institute’s research indicates that 62% of men relied on their wives as their principle social support. Studies by various universities correlate having friends and a good social network positively impacts the immune system in reducing the frequency of colds and the flu.
Others show the healthy effect of a wide social circle on longevity. For example, a study done at Flinders’ University in Australia found that 22% of 1500 older subjects who had many friends, outlived those who only had a few. Men that get out and meet new people or strengthen the bond already made with others, tend to have an easier time post-divorce, than their less connected peers.
Men that have routines felt that they had more control in their lives or knew what to expect in the turbulent divorce period. Some have specific routines with their children, such as a Saturday morning breakfast out or Sunday afternoon engaging in physical activities or sports. Some take the kids or go solo to their parents’ place for a weekly get-together. Others set up weekly meets at the pub with mates for darts. Building weekly fun or interactions into the schedule got some guys through the craziness of divorce.
Consider watching the hilarious film “The Odd Couple” with Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau. These two fellows navigate the post-divorce period with a lot of laughs and some mistakes. Great fun.
Wendi Schuller is a published author who has conducted classes on various subjects. She draws upon her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, providing a blueprint to guide women through this difficult transition. Schuller hired an attorney for a court divorce, but decided to go the collaborative route instead and has worked with a mediator post-divorce.
Author of The Woman’s Holistic Guide to Divorce