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What to Expect in the Early Stages of Divorce
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What to Expect in the Early Stages of Divorce

Published on
Chris Sweetman
Chris Sweetman
Editor at The Divorce Magazine
Director at Fair Result

Sponsored post by Fair Result.

The Team at Fair Result Provide Clear Guidance and Reassurance for Those Taking the First Steps

Divorce is often viewed as a daunting and overwhelming process, filled with uncertainty and emotional ups and downs. If you are considering separation or have just begun thinking about divorce, understanding what to expect in the early stages can help reduce anxiety and put you on a path towards a fair and practical resolution. At Fair Result, we’re committed to providing fixed-fee legal support, guiding you through each step with clarity and reassurance.

Demystifying Divorce and Our Supportive Role

The idea of divorce can conjure images of lengthy court battles, spiralling costs, and emotional turmoil. The process is often much more straightforward, especially with the right guidance and support. Fair Result is here to help you navigate the early stages with confidence, offering practical advice and transparent, fixed-fee services so you know exactly where you stand.

Initial Considerations: Laying the Groundwork

Before starting the formal process, it’s wise to take some practical steps that will make things smoother later on:

  • Gather Financial Documents: Begin collecting information on your income, savings, debts, pensions, and assets. Having these documents to hand will help your legal advisor give you accurate guidance and ensure a fair division of finances.
  • Plan Childcare and Living Arrangements: Consider where you and your children will live and how childcare will be organised. Early, open conversations about these arrangements can prevent misunderstandings and help maintain stability for everyone involved.
  • Think About Your Priorities: Reflect on what matters most to you, whether it’s minimising disruption for your children, securing your financial future, or achieving an amicable outcome. Being clear on your goals will help your solicitor support you effectively.

Starting the Divorce Process: Filing, Paperwork, and Timelines

Once you’re ready to proceed, the formal divorce process begins with filing a divorce application (sometimes called a petition/application) on the government’s online Divorce Portal. Here’s what to expect:

  • Filing the Application: You can apply online or by post. The application asks for basic details about your marriage and the reasons for divorce, now simplified under “no-fault” divorce rules.
  • Serving Papers: After filing online, your spouse will receive the application and has a set time to respond. This is a straightforward step and does not automatically mean a court appearance is necessary. It is only when your spouse is being difficult and refusing to accept online service of the application that you need process servers to physically serve the application.
  • Timelines: There is a mandatory waiting period (the “cooling off” period) before the conditional order can be granted, designed to give both parties time to reflect. The entire process can takes a minimum of 20 weeks as set out in legislation, but much depends on how quickly agreements are reached about finances and children. Do not apply for the Final Order on divorce until all financial and child arrangements have been agreed upon and set out in a consent order.
  • Paperwork: Most of the paperwork is standardised and can be completed with your solicitor’s help, ensuring nothing is missed and that your interests are protected.

Communication and Mindset: Legal Advice and Staying Calm

One of the best things you can do early on is to seek legal advice from a specialist. An experienced solicitor will explain your rights and options in plain English, helping you make informed decisions from the outset. At Fair Result, we believe a calm, practical mindset is invaluable. Try to approach discussions with your spouse about children, money, or living arrangements constructively. Remember, most issues can be resolved without confrontation, especially when both sides are informed and supported.

Fixed-Fee Support: Predictable Costs in Stressful Times

Uncertainty about legal fees can add to the stress of divorce. That’s why Fair Result offers fixed-fee packages, so you always know what to expect. With a clear price from the start, you can focus on what matters most, your family and your future, without worrying about spiralling costs or unpleasant surprises. Fixed-fee support gives you peace of mind and helps you stay in control at every stage.

Common Misconceptions: Busting Divorce Myths

Many people fear that divorce inevitably means a bitter court battle, but this is rarely the case. Most divorces are settled amicably through negotiation and agreement, without ever stepping foot in a courtroom. Other myths such as one partner always “winning” or the process dragging on for years are simply not true. With professional advice and a willingness to communicate, most couples can reach a fair settlement efficiently and respectfully.

Emotional and Practical Realities: Setting Expectations

There’s no denying that divorce brings emotional challenges, from sadness and frustration to relief and hope. It’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions, and seeking support from friends, family, or professional counsellors can be invaluable. On the practical side, be prepared for some changes to your daily routines, finances, and living arrangements. With the right support and a clear plan, these adjustments become far more manageable, helping you move forward with confidence.

Take the First Step with Fair Result

Starting divorce proceedings can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to face it alone. By taking practical steps, seeking early advice, and choosing a fixed-fee partner like Fair Result, you can reduce uncertainty and make informed choices for your future. If you’re considering divorce or have questions about the process, contact Fair Result today for clear, supportive, and cost-effective guidance tailored to your needs. We’re here to help you achieve a fair result, every step of the way.

Get in Touch

Call us at 07 500 933 818 or 0333 577 7009

Email peter@fair-result.co.uk or chris@fair-result.co.uk

Read more articles by Chris Sweetman.

About Chris Sweetman

Chris Sweetman is an independent family solicitor and director of Fair Result – An award-winning law office who pride themselves on using innovative ways to help clients through the stress and complications of a marriage breakdown.

Chris can be contacted on 07500933818 or via email chris@fair-result.co.uk.

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Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You
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Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You

Published on
Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

As an experienced Family Law Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer with extensive expertise in litigation, I understand the challenges facing separating couples in finding the right way to divorce for their individual circumstances.

The trepidation of a prolonged, costly and stressful court divorce is prompting an increasing number of  couples to seek out routes such as mediation and collaborative family law which avoid going to court. 

Another option is arbitration where separating couples hire a ‘private judge’ to accelerate the outcome of their financial settlements. 

Known as Alternative Dispute Resolution – because they provide alternatives to litigating in court – these three options put children’s best interests first. They also promote a spirit of spirit of collaboration for spouses and parents to achieve the best solutions.  

I hope the insights below will help you to decide which is best for your unique situation.   

What is mediation?

Mediation is a means of resolving family disputes constructively. It enables you to keep  control over  decisions which will  affect the future of you and your family.  In  the court process you hand those decisions over to a judge, who does not know you or your family and knows nothing about what is important to you. Mediation is appropriate for most situations including the most financially complex. 

Who is involved in mediation?

The private and confidential process takes place in a safe, impartial environment and involves a mediator like me, an independent third party who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement over key areas.  At the outset both of you sign an Agreement to Mediate so negotiations can continue on a ‘without prejudice’ basis. 

The number of discussions/sessions varies for each couple depending upon the complexity of the split. As a facilitator, the mediator assists, guides, and helps you to move dialogue forward.  

Many mediators, myself included, are lawyers and can provide extremely useful information about the law to inform your decisions. 

Whether or not they are legally qualified, mediators will recommend that you each  retain  your own solicitor who can provide specific legal advice where required during the process.

What does success in mediation look like?

A successful outcome in mediation can mean many things.  Many couples choose the mediation process to get to an agreement which is formalised in a binding Court Order. 

Often called a Final Order, this is a legal document which officially terminates your marriage without you having to go to court.  However, mediation has many other advantages, including developing a new way of communicating as separated parents. 

Is mediation compulsory?

No. Mediation is a voluntary process. You may have read about a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) meeting, usually relating to cases involving finances or children, which all divorcing couples are expected to attend before court proceedings are issued. 

These meetings are designed to inform  you both about alternative resolution schemes and to establish if the circumstances are suitable for mediation.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Mediation can result in a swifter resolution, reducing legal expenses which mount up in prolonged court cases between warring couples. Highly confidential, it is a more impartial and considered approach and can lessen the emotional impact of separation and divorce on children. 

What happens if mediation fails? 

Due to its voluntary nature, talks can be concluded at any time if headway is not made. However, there are many ways in which the process can be adapted to get over sticky issues and avoid failure.  

There is an increasing trend towards lawyers being present in mediation sessions to provide technical advice and support during the process, in particular where there are complex legal issues.  

Alternatively, disputed legal points can be determined by bringing in a neutral lawyer to give a view or even an arbitrator to give a binding decision on a particular issue.  All of this can be done in the context of mediation.

What is collaborative family practice?

In collaborative family practice separating couples make a commitment to avoid the court route and to work together with specially trained lawyers to make their own decisions about the future. 

Like mediation, it champions a spirit of collaboration and compromise, is entirely confidential – and puts children’s needs at the heart of discussions.   

How does it work – and who is involved?

You and your ex each appoint your own collaboratively trained lawyer and undertake a series of meetings where you all work together to identify, address and resolve financial, parenting and other key issues.   

Collaborative family lawyers  provide support and legal advice throughout the sessions. Accountants, independent financial advisers, pensions advisers and/or childcare specialists can also attend and provide guidance on a neutral basis. You have as many or as few meetings as are necessary to resolve the issues between you.  

At the outset you, your collaborative lawyers and other specialists involved, sign a Participation Agreement that commits all of you to strive to reach resolutions without going to court. 

The agreement  prevents your collaborative lawyers from representing you in court if the collaborative process fails, ensuring everyone is wholly bought into making the process work.    

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Like mediation, collaborative family  practice puts you and your ex in the driving seat so you can progress the sessions at your own pace, working around your respective work and family commitments. 

Faster, less stressful and more cost effective than going to court, it ensures that everyone involved is committed to achieving a solution. In times where transparency is encouraged in the family courts and journalists can attend hearings, collaborative practice guarantees your family’s privacy.

What happens if a successful outcome is reached? 

Once an agreement is reached, your lawyers will put it into effect, obtaining a formally binding Court Order without you having to go to court. 

What if talks break down?

At any time during the sessions either of you can terminate the process through a Formal Notice of Withdrawal if you feel no headway is being made. Again, as in mediation, failure can be avoided with the right support, including where necessary, an early neutral evaluation or arbitration on disputed legal issues. 

What is the difference between mediation and collaborative family practice?

In mediation, family mediators are neutral – they cannot give advice to either party as their role is  to facilitate discussions.

This differs from collaborative family lawyers who can advise those they represent at the same time as conducting the negotiations. As highlighted above, collaborative lawyers sign up to an agreement not to go to court, which provides a positive investment in the process for the whole team.  

What is arbitration?

Arbitration is a private court hearing where divorcing couples take on a ‘private judge’, officially known as an arbitrator, to achieve a resolution to their financial settlements.  

How does it work?

Like mediation and collaborative family practice, this option, also conducted in a safe and confidential environment, can avoid a prolonged, expensive and, potentially, public court hearing.  

Similar to a judge, the arbitrator hears evidence from both of you, collects relevant facts and bases their decision on the evidence, considering the views of you both.  

The arbitrator then makes an Award over who should have what which is final and binding.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Divorcing couples have the same arbitrator through the process, something which  rarely happens at court where different Judges are involved at different stages of the proceedings.

Quicker, confidential and more flexible than a court option, there is a substantial cost saving when delays are avoided. Divorcing couples set and agree their own timetable at the outset. 

If an arbitrator is to be used, this is something which must be agreed. There is no power to compel anyone to arbitrate. Also, arbitrators have no power to secure disclosure from third parties such as accountants or financial advisors or instruct them to present evidence at meetings.      

Can couples involved in a court divorce opt for arbitration?

Yes. Court rules give judges the power to halt court proceedings to give you both the opportunity to resolve the dispute through arbitration or indeed any other form of NCDR.

In what circumstances do couples choose a court divorce?

This largely depends on the advice which couples receive. Whilst most lawyers will explain all the dispute resolution options to clients, some, who may perhaps have less or no experience of NCDR, are more inclined to recommend court applications.  

The court process has its place. A Judge has the power to compel the production of financial information, ultimately by sending someone guilty of non-disclosure to prison. The court can also order third parties who hold information relevant to the case, for example accountants and other advisers, to provide information. In extreme cases a court can make orders without any engagement from one of the parties. 

What does a court process entail?

Before an application can be made to the court for a Financial Order an application must have been made for a divorce or dissolution of a Civil Partnership.  The various steps required to get a divorce can be found on the Government website.

As outlined above, before a court application can be made for a financial or children order, every divorcing couple must also  attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting

A financial application will involve the exchange of full financial disclosure followed by a series of up to three main court hearings.   

What are the pros and cons of a court process?

The role of the court is to encourage parties to make agreed decisions about their finances and children and, in default of agreement, to make binding decisions for them 

Court orders, whether made by agreement or imposed by a Judge, are legally binding and enforceable. 

There is no privacy in a court divorce, where the proceedings are open. Since 2023 journalists have been able to report in family law courts on cases which include the wellbeing and future of children whose parents are divorcing.  

Couples are appointed a judge, who is unknown to them, and who makes vital decisions on key issues about their future.  Continuity is not assured with different judges often involved in the proceedings.  

Court hearings can be costly, stressful and time consuming. They can heighten conflict between the couple and run the risk of a case being adjourned or unfinished due to pressure on court time or a judge becoming unavailable.

The duration of a court divorce can vary significantly from a few months to years if the divorce is contested. 

The breakdown of a marriage invariably leaves those involved emotionally and physically drained and few couples take the decision to separate and divorce lightly

Knowing where to start on this critical path, which will impact on the future of all involved and affect the wellbeing of children involved, can seem overwhelming.  

Whichever route you take when embarking on divorce, it is critical that you secure the best possible legal advice.

I cannot emphasise enough the importance of working with highly experienced family law professionals like Jones Myers who are members of family law group Resolution and have a strong track record in their respective fields.   

Because we understand that every case is different, our family law experts, who are leaders in their field, deliver a bespoke service, outlining options and offering legal and practical advice at every stage to help them make informed decisions.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Nicki Mitchell

With over three decades of experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk

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Our Relationship is Over: What Do I Do Now?
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Our Relationship is Over: What Do I Do Now?

Published on
James Pirrie
James Pirrie
Director at
Family Law in Partnership

Let’s not sugar coat it, this question “what do I do now?” (at the moment you know you will separate) is the single most important question you will answer in this whole chapter of your life. There will be a lot of other questions that you will be coming to, but get this one right and you should be able to avoid the unreasonable positioning and exhausting demands of a slow process that will cost eye-watering amounts, to achieve to your best possible outcome.  

Here are my ten top tips from helping clients through this part of their lives for the past forty-something years.

1. Ensure you are safe 

Ensure your safety and the safety of your children.  If there is a risk to this then it will dictate how you address the rest of these tips.

Safety at the end of a relationship is a whole topic on its own and planning for it will depend on your situation.  In controlling relationships, it is likely that a whole range of strategies will have been put in place around you by your prospective ex, with the intention of making it impossible for you to go.  The single most important thing is to reach the realisation that yes you are going to leave – it is then about getting the support to manage your way out of the maze. If you need help to leave safely, there are amazing organisations that can help you manage a safe exit.  Everything follows from this.

2. Manage your emergencies

In the same way, some separations have emergencies – personal safety is the most important.  Others can include:

  • jurisdictional races (where one of you could start proceedings in a different country, you may need to act quickly to ensure your divorce takes place where your needs and those of the children will be met favourably)
  • a child being taken abroad to separate them from you (child abduction)
  • information or assets being hidden or disposed of 
  • your being isolated from funds.

Some of these you can address in part – or at least make easier – but many of them are going to require immediate professional help, probably from a solicitor.

The rest of the “to-dos” are subject to emergencies – sometimes you won’t have time to plan your best path, you will feel bounced around by circumstance. Just carry on trying your best, accepting where you are and planning from there. 

3. Consider couple counselling

If there are no safety concerns, this is a consideration that you should not skate past. I have worked for too many people who have said their ex has come back to them some years down the road saying “I got it wrong – I don’t know what I was thinking- is there a way back for us?”. For me that points to a missed opportunity for some serious conversation around what was not working in the relationship and each person’s capacity for change. Of course, the result may still be that you decide to separate, but talking things through a counsellor is also likely to reassure and make for better progress if you do decide to part. 

4. Be kind if you can

So often, perhaps when people come to me midway through, they seem to be in a terrible situation, which they are finding hard to understand. There might be brutality around disclosure or how the finances are being managed for the interim or how arrangements are being set around the children. It is all a bit destructive and aimless, which is a surprise as they’re decent people. So, what went wrong?  Well usually it is about how things started.  

Actions like deception and adultery matter (see my blog here on this very point) – perhaps not to the professionals who know the courts don’t care, but they really matter to the person being deceived and to their kids when they find out.  Brutal and sharp separations are like throwing a huge slab of concrete into a small pond – the splash and ripples are going to play havoc for a while and in unexpected ways.  Stepping out slowly and gently with empathy respect and understanding, can help everyone get through to the smart choices more quickly.

5. Start early

It follows that planning and starting early is usually a positive too, you can pace things more calmly. You don’t find yourself suddenly desperate that it all has to be sorted by the weekend. (That “I have just had it up to here” moment). It also means that you are less likely to be bounced into the “well I am leaving you” discussion at the worst of times in the heat of an argument.  These things are going to be tough and thinking about how to do it in the best way, in the calm, will pay dividends.

6. Get support

All of that is going to point towards you getting individual support.  So many  people say “I don’t need that fluffy stuff …” or “we are not getting back together”. But that is not what this is about. It is about understanding where your ex is and what they are going through. It is about helping you to think of this from their side to be able to move things on in the best way possible. It is tough.  It is practical. It is also short term and goal-oriented.

Find the right support and you will be challenged to do this well, but also supported to do so.  That’s why I recommend that you get professional support – not just support from your mates or family:

This is the other response to my recommendation of professional expertise is “well I am talking to my friends.” The problem with relying solely on friends and family is that:

  • They care too much and as such, are likely to operate like an echo chamber for you: they want to be supportive and are likely to tell you what they think you want to hear – which is not always what you need to hear
  • They may bring their own unresolved personal issues to the conversation and that is not helpful 
  • They don’t have the training to help you process everything in a constructive way 
  • Their advice is likely to be on the hoof, quick answers without the depth of consideration that is really needed
  • You may find yourself managing your choices to keep them satisfied.

Without meaning to cast aspersions on your inner circle, you are also sharing confidences with them which may well be shared with others. 

I could go on but in essence, therapists are likely to be the most valuable in monetary terms. Find the right one and use them.

7. Think and write

So you know you are going to need to get some advice and guidance (how else are you going to have the anchor of knowing your rights and obligations – how else would you recognise a good deal?). Lawyers charge by time and will read a well-organised briefing way quicker than they can ask questions and you answer them. Many firms will have an information gatherer on their website. If you want to get the most from your time with a lawyer and keep costs time, you would prepare:

  • A balance sheet of where you are now:
    •  who is in the family and who are the relatives and important other people in your lives
    • all the dates and details that are going to be needed such as when the relationship started, was formalised and ended
    • and yes those financial numbers all pinned down so far as known. 
    • In addition there will be descriptions of what is going on – what everyone is like; how are your children doing, pictures etc.  
  • An account of how you got here this is likely to take in your families of origin, education, careers, first homes, challenges and so on
  • And then the quick fire document for a first call: The super brief summary and a clear vision of what you want and what you think are the hurdles to getting there.

Indeed sometimes I think that this last piece of knowing what you are needing is the single most important piece of work that will be in your briefing for the next step.

8. Find the right professional

This can feel like a minefield. There are directories ranking legal professionals, but they may not be your best starting point.  What you are likely to want is that skilled professional whom you trust because they get you and their values resonate with yours, simple as that.  

When you are researching there will be lots of focus on who does what process and your head can spin with the terms likely to be coming at you:  negotiation/ collaborative/ co-operative/ one lawyer/ together/ amicable/ litigation/ mediation/ child inclusion/ hybrid/ integrative, but that shouldn’t be your worry: Your job is to be clear about your needs (those hurdles you identified at stage 7), not the process (which is what the professional brings to accommodate them). It is the professional’s job to show that they have heard you and to explain their recommendation.  If you are convinced, you have the start of your plan. If you are not then say so – if you are not heard, you may not be in the right room so think about moving on now.  

It is why you might do well to choose a professional who is serious about all the different ways of doing things – it will ensure you are presented with all the options. Many lawyers will only have one qualification, permitting them to negotiate your case  with the court as a fall back and the court is the last place most people want to end up.  If your lawyer doesn’t know, isn’t familiar with and doesn’t use collaborative, mediation or arbitration  then just have in mind that these ways that might suit you better will probably not be on the menu for discussion.

9. Be brave …ish

Sitting down to talk with your ex may be absolutely the last thing you want to do, and of course you shouldn’t compromise safety, but for most people, a professionally assisted conversation with a neutral person (likely to be in mediation – but potentially “one lawyer”) is likely to be the fast route to finding the best solution. Your ex is likely to have a view of what they think the outcome should be and they are going to hang onto it until you can show that you have heard them. It is much harder to do this if your discussion is via letters and emails being fired between lawyers from their respective trenches a seeming “safe” distance away from each other.

The right mediator will help you both to manage a safe and productive conversation even in difficult situations. There would be an assessment and  intake process (called “a MIAM”, standing for Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) when you can gather an understanding of what mediation would be like and talk through whether it is for you. In fact, you are required in most situations to have this meeting even if you wanted ultimately to go to court and I would encourage you to enter this meeting with an open mind as there is a lot of flexibility in mediation and other processes which may mean they are better for you.

10. Think kids

So obvious you may say it didn’t need saying. Where you have children, they are likely to be the lens through which all of this is viewed, you will consider your children:

  • when you take steps to start
  • in how you manage the relationship with your ex (because you are usually going to be co-parenting long term so you will not want to lay waste to how you talk to each other)
  • in the choices you make (for example the geography of your homes and family-friendly career-choices)
  • in the timing of any new relationship
  • in how you work out care and decision making: your children are part of each of you, they need safe arrangements to have a relationship with each of you if possible – and ideally each of you supporting the other to be the best parent you can be.

There is a lot to consider and it is all too easy to delay. But whether this relationship is your future or not is for you to decide and in your heart you will know the answer to that (especially if you have been through tip 3).  

If this relationship is not working and can’t be made to work, it is unlikely to be the best example of “adult relationships” for your kids, but beyond this, please don’t become that person I see so regularly who says “now I know about it all, I should have done this a decade ago, it would have been better for everyone.”

Read more articles by James Pirrie.

Read more articles by Family Law in Partnership.

About James Pirrie

James Pirrie is a Director of Family Law in Partnership, a highly regarded law firm based in London, which specialises in de-escalating conflict in family law.  He is an Arbitrator, Family Solicitor and Mediator accredited in child-inclusive mediation.

James is driven to improve long term outcomes for families who are experiencing separation or divorce.  He is credited with introducing collaborative law to the UK and with changing how children’s needs are addressed during family breakdown through the Parenting after Parting initiative.

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New Guide to International LGBTQ+ Laws
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New Guide to International LGBTQ+ Laws

Published on
David Allison
David Allison
Director & Mediator
Family Law in Partnership

It’s hard to believe in 2025 that consensual sex between same-sex individuals is still criminalised in a third of the world and there are countries which retain the death penalty.

An exciting and informative international guide of the laws affecting the LGBTQ+ community has been published by the International Academy of Family Lawyers (IAFL) with contributions from specialist family lawyers across the globe.  The guide includes contributions from 56 legal jurisdictions, including several within Africa and the Middle East. 

Each contributor was asked the same set of questions covering topics including the legality of same-sex relationships and gender identity (including legal penalties), relationship status and marriage, as well as parenting.

Whilst there are some bright spots with proper equality before the law for LGBTQ+ individuals, progress is still slow and in parts of the world there has been a worrying regression. For example, in 2021, a Bill titled, “Promotion of Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill” was presented before Ghana’s 8th Parliament. The primary objective of this Bill was to explicitly outlaw activities associated with LGBTQ+ identities and related practices, including gender identity and gender-affirming treatments.

FLiP director, David Allison, Chairs the Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Committee (SOGI) of IAFL. He launched the guide at the IAFL’s Annual General Meeting in Kenya, where homosexuality is currently illegal and punishable by 14 years in prison.

He says:

“There is no other guide on this topic that provides expert insight from the very people who act for clients in these cases, in their own words.  It will be an invaluable resource for many. 

We intend for this guide to be a living resource, which is updated regularly to reflect changes in the law, and we want to find contributors in more countries.  Please do get in touch if you are willing to contribute or know of suitably qualified people who can provide information about jurisdictions which are not included in the guide.”

As IAFL President, Rachel Kelsey says:

“IAFL supports all efforts towards full equality of the LGBTQ+ community throughout the world, and the end to rules that discriminate against such individuals and their families. There remains a lot of work to be done and this Guides is part of our contribution.”

You can access the guide at: www.iafl.com/news-blog/2025/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity-guide/ 

In Kenya David worked with the National Association of Gay & Lesbian Human Rights Commission based in Nairobi on a press release for IAFL. The press release was issued at the General Meeting calling for the elimination of laws that unfairly discriminate against LGBTQ+ citizenry and criminalize countless couples in Kenya.  You can find that release at https://www.iafl.com/news-blog/2025/statement-in-support-of-lgtbq-kenyans-refugees-and-asylum-seekers\

Read more articles by Family Law in Partnership.

About David Allison

David specialises in financial claims on divorce, especially cases with an international element. He has extensive experience in cases where jurisdiction is an issue and those which involve claims for financial relief after an overseas divorce. He is also well known for his work for cohabitants, same sex couples, and civil partners. You can find out more about his work here.

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Coldplay, Cheating and the Courts: What the Law Really Says About Adultery
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Coldplay, Cheating and the Courts: What the Law Really Says About Adultery

Published on
Ellen Nicholas
Ellen Nicholas
Solicitor
Roythornes Solicitors

A few months after a “kiss-cam” moment at a Coldplay concert shook the internet, the ripples are still being felt, both in headlines and potentially in courtrooms. A viral clip showed a well-known tech CEO embracing someone other than his wife, namely the company’s HR manager, sparking widespread speculation about personal and professional fallout.

Consequences of such affairs can carry several after-effects, legal ones too. Yet while the scandal dominates the public imagination, the law around adultery and divorce can tell a far more restrained story.

What counts as adultery in law?

In everyday conversation, ‘cheating’ can be synonymous with everything from text messages to emotional betrayal. English law, however, draws the line more narrowly. Legally, adultery is defined as sexual intercourse between a married person and someone who is not their spouse. Acts short of this – however damaging they may be to trust within a relationship – do not qualify as adultery under the law.

That legal definition often surprises those who expect the courts to reflect the moral weight of infidelity. But the direction of travel in family law has been clear: away from blame and toward resolution.

No-fault divorce and the end of ‘blame’

In April 2022, the ‘no-fault divorce’ has entered the legal terrain. Previously, adultery could be pleaded as a ground for divorce, and while rarely contested, it kept the language of fault alive in petitions. Now, all that is required is a simple statement that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. No proof, no reason, no explanation and certainly no tabloid-worthy evidence are required.

The reform was designed to lower the temperature. By removing the need to point fingers, it gives separating couples a greater chance to part amicably, without animosity. For those experiencing betrayal, this can feel rather unsatisfying. The law no longer distinguishes between a relationship that ends quietly and one that explodes on unruliness.

High-profile divorce vs everyday divorce

The distinction, however, lies not in the courts but in the court of public opinion. For the average couple, an affair can be a painful yet private devastation, handled quietly within the family. For celebrities or business leaders, it becomes a defining story for their public image, highly scrutinised by the press, shareholders and the public alike.

Legally, however, both divorces follow the same process. A Hollywood actor’s affair may fill column inches, but when it comes before a judge, the legal questions are identical to those facing any other couple: how to divide assets fairly and, where children are involved, how to ensure their wellbeing and welfare are looked after.

Does adultery change financial settlements?

Contrary to common belief, adultery has almost no bearing on how finances are settled in divorce. The guiding principle for the courts is need: ensuring both parties, and any children, are adequately provided for. Being unfaithful does not diminish one’s entitlement to a fair division of assets.

There are exceptions, but they are rare. If, for instance, one spouse has channelled marital funds extravagantly into conducting an affair – where examples can include luxury holidays, gifts or property purchases – that reckless spending could be raised. Even then, it requires strong evidence and is unlikely to tip the scales dramatically.

What about the children?

In cases where children are involved, the law is even clearer. The paramount concern of the courts is the welfare of the child. Adultery, in and of itself, is not considered a reason to limit contact between parent and child. Only where a parent’s new relationship puts the child at risk – for example, if it involves unsafe environments – would the court intervene.

This principle reflects a broader truth: children’s wellbeing should not become collateral damage in their parents’ disputes. While one parent’s anger or sense of betrayal may be real and raw, arrangements for children must rise above any animosity.

Beyond scandal: a system built on resolution

Public scandals remind us of how messy human relationships can be. But divorce law in England and Wales has shifted decisively away from punishing misconduct and toward managing outcomes. The aim is to provide a supportive framework for families in transition, not to mete out moral judgment.

For those navigating the end of a marriage – whether quietly or under the glare of cameras – the same structures apply. Infidelity may devastate trust and reshape lives, but in the eyes of the law, it is no longer a decisive factor. What matters most is fairness, respective needs and the ongoing wellbeing of any children.

And while no court can resolve the hurt of betrayal, the system is designed to give couples the tools to move forward – with as little hostility as possible, even in situations when the world might be watching.

Read more articles by Roythornes Solicitors.

About Ellen Nicholas

Ellen is a Solicitor in our Family Team at Roythornes Solicitors. She is passionate about assisting and supporting clients through challenging times in their lives. Her dedication and expertise ensure that clients receive clear, compassionate, and effective legal support tailored to their individual circumstances.

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Potanina-v-Potanin: Divorce Experts Share their Views
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Potanina-v-Potanin: Divorce Experts Share their Views

Published on
Sean Hilton
Sean Hilton
Sital Fontenelle
Sital Fontenelle
Peter Burgess
Peter Burgess

The recent Court of Appeal ruling in London has reignited global attention on one of the most high-value divorce cases in history. Natalia Potanina, ex-wife of Russian billionaire Vladimir Potanin, has won the right to pursue a multi-billion-dollar claim for 50% of his stake in Norilsk Nickel, along with dividends and a luxury Moscow property.

Having previously received less than 1% of marital assets following their 2014 divorce, Potanina’s successful appeal marks a significant shift in what has already become a closely watched case.

To unpack the potential implications of this ruling, we asked leading experts Peter Burgess, Sital Fontenelle and Sean Hilton for their views.

Peter Burgess, partner at Burgess Mee, says:

“Today’s ruling further cements London’s position as the divorce capital of the world. Mrs Potanina’s $6bn claim has been thrown a lifeline, by the Court of Appeal allowing the claim to proceed. For UHNW individuals who have been badly served abroad, this judgment will be very welcome. Aspiring “divorce tourists” may appreciate the opportunity to demonstrate connection to this country at the substantive hearing, rather than at an earlier stage. However, this particular long-running high-value dispute may still have some way to go as it remains open to Mr Potanin to seek a further appeal to the Supreme Court.”

Sital Fontenelle, Head of the Family Law team at Kingsley Napley LLP, comments:

“All lawyers to international HNWs have been watching this case, given it concerns the limits to divorce tourism and is the latest determined example of a wife testing England’s reputation for being a fair and generous forum.

The Court of Appeal has today granted Natalia Potanina’s application for leave to bring a Part III claim meaning she is permitted to bring a claim for financial remedies in this jurisdiction following a divorce and financial settlement decided after a long marriage in Russia.   

The Court of Appeal had little difficulty in concluding that Mrs Potanina has solid grounds to bring her application on the basis of her connections to this country and the ‘limited’ view of her husband’s assets that was taken in Russia. The Court even went so far as to note that it could be argued the size of her award in Russia meant her reasonable needs could not be met. It also observed she had only received a fraction of what she might have received in this country.   

This will no doubt be disappointing to her husband and will dismay those who feel our divorce courts should be dealing with more local and needy cases. As the Court of Appeal notes, this case has been running for nearly 7 years and has consumed substantial resources of the court.

Although today’s decision is, of course, fact specific, the key point is that the door is still open; it reinforces our reputation for being divorce capital of the world and importantly there was no narrowing of the test for other potential claimants who have the appetite to bring litigation here.  We will therefore remain an attractive jurisdiction for divorce cases. 

However, it is unlikely to be the end of the matter since Mr Potanin may still have the appetite to appeal further and request the Supreme Court considers the substance of this case (their original review was procedural).  

This is a blockbuster case in financial terms – with considerable £s at stake in the billions rather than millions – so we can expect it will continue to be hard fought for several years to come.”

Sean Hilton, Family Partner, Stevens & Bolton, commented:

“Today’s Court of Appeal decision in the Potanin case marks a significant moment for international divorce law in England. By allowing Natalia Potanina’s financial claims to proceed despite her divorce being finalised in Russia the court confirmed its ability to intervene where a spouse claims they have received insufficient provision from a foreign divorce. Mrs Potanina was found to have a real and meaningful connection to England – she held a UK investor visa, owned property here, and had been habitually resident for over a year. The Judge did not agree with Mr Potanin’s claim that his ex-wife was a ‘divorce tourist’.

“The court also commented that under the Russian divorce Mrs Potanina received a “tiny fraction” of the sum she would have received if she had divorced in England, and that this may be more significant when Mr Potanin is required to give disclosure of his assets here. In those circumstances the Judge commented that it would be appropriate for the court to make a further financial award to Mrs Potanina, the extent of which will need to be determined at a further hearing.   

“This decision may now open the door to a raft of applications that have been waiting in the wings for clarity. It is clear this ruling will shape how we advise international clients going forward. While the procedure for these applications has been tightened, the court have made clear that if jurisdiction is established and there’s a real prospect of success for a spouse with a meaningful connection to this country, claims may still proceed with a broad discretion afforded to Judges – perhaps supporting the view that England is the ‘divorce capital of the world’.”

Keep up to date with latest divorce news.

About Peter Burgess

Peter is one of the two founding partners at Burgess Mee Family Law.

Having trained at top family law firm Withers LLP, Peter founded Burgess Mee with in 2013, where he advises on the full spectrum of family law issues across the firm’s three offices. Peter is also an FMC accredited mediator.

Get in touch with Peter today:

  • Email
  • Call on – 0203 824 9952

About Sital Fontenelle

Sital Fontenelle is the Head of the Family & Divorce team at Kingsley Napley. She specialises in the complex financial aspects of a divorce, negotiating and drafting of nuptial agreements as well as private children law cases. She typically acts for high-net-worth individuals, often on cases involving an international dimension, offshore trusts, family businesses, inherited wealth or asset tracing. She is also highly experienced in complex children cases. Sital is an active member of the Resolution Cohabitation committee and regularly speaks at international conferences on wealth protection and trusts. She is a recognised leader in her field in legal directories, including the Chambers Ultra High Net Worth Guide, Legal 500 UK, Chambers UK (finance and children) and Spears. As well as being ‘Recommended’ in the Spear’s 2023 Family Law Index, she won silver in the Woman of the Year – Future Leaders (Partner) category at the Powerwomen Awards 2020.

About Sean Hilton

Sean assists clients on a broad spectrum of matters ranging from complex high-value financial proceedings following divorce, to disputes in relation to children. For instance, Sean advises unmarried families on the consequences of a relationship breakdown and is instructed on pre and post nuptial agreements, often with an international element. Sean is considered as a “Rising Star” by the Legal 500 Directory and in the Thompson Reuters Super Lawyers List, and has recently been shortlisted for Family Lawyer of the Year – Senior/Managing Associate in the CityWealth Future Leader Awards.

Sean’s Stevens & Bolton profile and contact details are available here:

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Why You Need a Divorce Team, Not Just a Lawyer
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Why You Need a Divorce Team, Not Just a Lawyer

Published on
chloe-o-contributor
Chloe O.
Alternative Dispute Resolution professional and Certified Divorce Coach
The Divorce and Separation Coach

When people think about divorce, the first professional who comes to mind is usually a lawyer. That is natural, since divorce has an important legal dimension. But relying on one person to guide you through every aspect of divorce is a common mistake. 

I made this mistake myself. During my divorce, my “team” consisted of my lawyer and my parents. I did not know that other professionals could support me. As a result, I agreed to financial arrangements without understanding their long-term consequences. Over time, they proved unsustainable and led to repeated renegotiations, which caused unnecessary conflict.

Divorce affects your finances, your emotional wellbeing, your children, and your long-term future. My experience taught me (the hard way!) that no single professional can provide expert support in all these areas. That is why building a divorce team is one of the most important steps you can take.

Avoiding the “one-person trap”

Money is often the greatest concern when people are separating. Many hesitate to hire more than one professional, worried about costs. Yet the unintended consequence is that they lean on their lawyer for everything: financial advice, emotional support, and sometimes even parenting guidance. This is not only expensive, but also ineffective.

Think of it like surgery on your back. You would need a surgeon, of course, but also a nurse, an anaesthetist, and afterwards a physiotherapist to get you back on your feet. Divorce is no different. You need different professionals working together to ensure every aspect is handled properly: a lawyer for legal advice, a financial adviser for money matters, a divorce coach to help you make the right decisions every step of the way, and emotional support to keep you grounded.

The professionals to consider

A divorce team does not look the same for everyone. The right mix of professionals will depend on your situation. Here are some of the key roles:

  • Lawyer – Advises on your legal rights, prepares divorce documentation, and, if necessary, represents you in court. Some lawyers specialise in areas such as high net worth cases, domestic abuse, or international divorce. Even in countries where a lawyer is not legally required, it is still wise to consult one to ensure your agreement is solid.
  • Family mediator – Works with both partners to negotiate terms, from property division to parenting arrangements. A mediator is impartial and helps keep discussions constructive.
  • Divorce coach – Helps you focus on your future goals, make clear decisions, and approach negotiations with confidence. A coach also provides practical guidance and emotional steadiness.
  • Therapist – Supports you in understanding what went wrong in the relationship, addressing trauma, and maintaining mental health.
  • Financial adviser – Reviews your assets, debts, and income, models long-term implications of settlement proposals, and helps you plan for financial stability after divorce.

While one person may cover two roles, expecting them to manage everything leaves serious gaps.

Choosing the right lawyer

Selecting the right lawyer is one of the most important decisions you will make. Too often people choose based only on price or convenience. One client of mine instructed a lawyer because he was “cheap”. Fifteen months later, she had spent tens of thousands of pounds with no progress and little trust in his advice. She eventually changed lawyers and finally moved forward.

When choosing a lawyer, consider:

  • Do they have experience with your type of case?
  • How do they communicate and how quickly will they respond?
  • Will your case be handled by them personally or mostly by a junior associate?
  • What is their approach to resolving disputes out of court?
  • Can they give you realistic visibility of likely legal costs?

If your divorce involves more than one country, you will also need someone with expertise in international divorce. Look for a lawyer who understands both jurisdictions, speaks your language, and has a network of international advisers, such as tax specialists and immigration lawyers.

How to build your divorce team

A simple exercise can help you identify where you need support. Picture a five-pointed star, with each point representing one area of support: legal, financial, emotional, practical, and personal. Write down the person or professional covering each area. One person can cover two—but no more. If you see gaps, you will know where to add expertise.

This keeps your support balanced and prevents overloading one professional or family member. Your aim is to create a well-rounded team that can carry you through divorce and beyond.

Final thoughts

Divorce is one of life’s most complex transitions. Going through it with only one professional is like attempting surgery with only a surgeon and no nurse or anaesthetist—it is simply not enough. By building a divorce team, you ensure that every dimension—legal, financial, emotional, and practical—is addressed properly.

It may feel like a bigger investment at the start, but a coordinated divorce team saves time, money, and stress in the long run. More importantly, it helps you build a stronger foundation for the next chapter of your life.

Read more articles by Chloe O.

About Chloe O.

“My name is Chloe O., I am an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) professional and a Certified Divorce Coach. I specialise in working with women to help them reduce conflict during and after divorce by improving their negotiation and communication skills with their spouse. The objective is to work towards an amicable divorce outcome in order to minimise the emotional and financial cost of divorce. I work with all types of clients but I have extensive experience in supporting expatriates and international families who are dealing with the unique situation of living abroad during and after their divorce, with limited local family support, language barriers and relocation considerations.”

For more information about my work and services (including my Podcasts, newsletter, myth-buster videos…), you can visit my website and/or follow me on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.

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Help Shape the Future of Support for Separated Families
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Help Shape the Future of Support for Separated Families

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Soila Sindiyo
Dr Soila Sindiyo
Counselling Psychologist and Founding Editor of The Divorce Magazine

We’ve been contacted by Dr Sarah Foley, Lecturer in Developmental Psychology at the University of Edinburgh, about an exciting new research project exploring parenting after divorce or separation.

The Parenting After Divorce or Separation Study aims to better understand family life and children’s wellbeing in different post-separation child arrangements, particularly in families who have not gone through the court system.

This research will help inform future support for separated parents and their children, filling an important gap in what we know about post-separation family experiences.

Who Can Take Part?

The research team is looking to hear from parents who:

  • Have children aged 4–8
  • Live in Scotland or England
  • Are comfortable taking part in English
  • Have been separated for at least six months
  • Have regular contact with their child
  • Do not have a court-ordered child arrangement

What’s Involved?

If you take part, you’ll be asked to:

  • Join a confidential online interview and complete a survey
  • Optionally involve your child in child-friendly storytelling or game-based activities

(These are completely optional and designed to be fun and engaging for children)

Participation is entirely voluntary and confidential.

How to Get Involved

If you meet the criteria above, or know someone who does, you can learn more and register your interest here.

For questions about the study, you can contact Dr Sarah Foley directly at:
sarah.foley@ed.ac.uk

We’ll be sharing the findings of this important research once the study is complete. By taking part, you’ll be helping to build a deeper understanding of how separated families live, parent, and thrive, and how support can be improved in the future.

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Why Prenups are Losing Their Stigma - and Why More Couples Should Consider Them
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Why Prenups are Losing Their Stigma – and Why More Couples Should Consider Them

Published on
Fiona Lazenby
Fiona Lazenby
Partner – Family
Knights

Prenuptial agreements have made a comeback into the spotlight recently – not least after Jeff Bezos tied the knot with Lauren Sánchez earlier this summer. While they continue to often be branded ‘unromantic’ or ‘pessimistic’, these agreements are quietly becoming more mainstream, with growing numbers of millennials and everyday couples separating themselves from traditional perceptions and exploring them as a pragmatic way to protect assets and ensure financial clarity in the event of divorce.

As a family specialist at national leading law firm Knights, Jane Livingstone has seen first-hand how prenups have evolved from being a niche, often misunderstood concept into a recognised mechanism that can bring clarity and security to relationships.

What is a prenuptial agreement really for?

A prenuptial agreement, commonly known as “prenup”, is effectively signed before marriage, setting out how a couple would regulate or separate finances should the marriage later break down. 

They’re often associated with situations where one spouse has significantly greater wealth, owns a business, expects to inherit or wants to protect a family asset. Increasingly, however, couples with more modest means have started to recognise the value of deciding these matters early rather than leaving everything to chance. 

While the Supreme Court has recently ruled that on divorce, spouses should share the assets they build together, they need not share assets received from their families or inherited, known as non-matrimonial assets. However, such assets can become ‘matrimonialised’, depending on how they’re used during the marriage. A prenup is a useful tool to clarify that certain assets, such as gifts, inheritances, or family wealth, are to remain outside the pool of shared assets, even if circumstances change during the marriage.

Similarly, if a spouse inherits or receives family wealth after the marriage has begun, a postnuptial agreement can serve the same purpose, offering protection and clarity at any stage of the relationship. 

Where the change of heart comes from among younger generations

With many people deciding nowadays to walk down the aisle later in life, they often enter marriages with more established careers and accumulated assets. Many would’ve also witnessed, within family or friends, the financial fallout and emotional strain of divorce, making them more conscious of planning ahead.

Far from being a sign of mistrust, most couples find that talking openly about their finances before marriage brings them closer. As morbid as it may sound, it’s not unlike writing a will: it’s rarely done in expectation of the worst, but to provide clarity and peace of mind.

Are prenups legally binding?

Prenups aren’t automatically legally binding in England and Wales. Courts retain discretion to decide what is fair, especially in cases involving the needs of children.

However, if a prenup is properly prepared – with full financial disclosure, independent legal advice for both parties, and fair, realistic terms – it will carry significant weight. In practice, this often means that a well-drafted prenup does exactly what it’s intended to: reduce conflict and avoid lengthy, expensive and unnecessary disputes. 

Who can benefit and what assets can be covered?

While high-profile examples like Bezos make headlines, prenups are valuable for anyone who wants to protect particular assets, spanning across family businesses, inherited wealth, property purchased before marriage, savings or investments built up independently, and trust funds. 

For business owners, a prenup can be particularly constructive. Without one, divorce can trigger intrusive business valuations, disrupt operations, and create liquidity pressures. Agreeing in advance on how the business will be treated helps protect its stability.

Prenups can also address responsibility for existing debts, ensuring that personal liabilities remain personal rather than becoming joint obligations.

Importantly, these agreements aren’t standard templates – they’re tailored documents, drafted to reflect each couple’s unique circumstances and priorities.

Common misconceptions

One of the most enduring myths is that prenups are only for the very wealthy. The reality is now shaping these agreements differently, as prenups have been increasingly used by couples with moderate wealth who simply seek clarity and fairness. 

Another misconception is that discussing a prenup is cynical or unromantic. In practice, most couples who choose to have these conversations find it reassuring, providing peace of mind and establishing respect for each other’s financial futures, which can hugely reduce anxiety.

How to get it right

The process by which a prenup is created is as important as its content. Some key points:

  • Start early: don’t leave it until weeks before the wedding, but aim to finalise the agreement well in advance, ideally several months before the big day.
  • Full disclosure: both partners must share an honest, detailed picture of their finances. Attempts to withhold disclosure or inaccurately disclose fundamental information could lead to the agreement not being upheld.
  • Independent legal advice: each person should seek separate legal advice to show they understand and freely agree to the terms.
  • Fairness: the agreement must be reasonable and account for both parties’ needs.

If a prenup appears rushed, one-sided or signed under pressure, it’s far less likely to hold up in court.

Keeping it up to date

Life changes, and so should a prenup. It’s sensible to review it every few years or after major events, like the birth of a child or receiving an inheritance. If needed, updates can be formalised to keep the agreement aligned with the couple’s current situation.

Final thoughts

A prenup won’t remove every risk and courts still have a duty to ensure outcomes are fair. But for many couples, it paves the way to a clear plan, agreed together. 

At its best, a prenup isn’t about expecting divorce – it’s about protecting what matters most, reducing future conflict, and entering marriage with openness and confidence. That’s why, stigma aside, more couples are realising that love and pragmatism can go hand in hand.

Read more articles by Knights.

About Fiona Lazenby

Fiona Lazenby is a partner in the family team at Knights. Working with landowners and farming families to entrepreneurs, lottery winners and football club owners, she specialises in helping to negotiate the property and financial repercussions of relationship breakdown as well as resolving disputes over children’s living arrangements and wellbeing. Her high-net-worth clients have assets into the hundreds of million pounds. With expertise in the treatment of assets held in offshore trusts her clients are supported in both the UK and internationally.

She also advises clients on wealth protection when they decide to marry or cohabit, and prepares pre-nuptial, post-nuptial and cohabitation agreements to safeguard inherited wealth or business value created before marriage.

Seeking the best possible outcome for clients underpins her approach and she has often faced national media on their behalf.

She is also a member of the Law Society Family Advanced Panel in respect of complex assets.

About Knights

Knights is one of the fastest-growing legal services businesses in the UK, delivering high-quality services to more than 10,000 business clients from 26 offices nationwide.

Knights is ranked within the top 50 UK law firms by revenue – with specialists in all key areas of corporate, real estate and commercial law. Its extensive expertise is consistently strengthened through its acquisitions and the recruitment of high-calibre talented professionals.

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Rising Stronger After Divorce
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Rising Stronger After Divorce

Published on
Lucy Newsum
Lucy Newsum
Life Coach
Lucy Newsum Coaching

It is a human truth: divorce is hard. Within that truth is a depth of feeling that is often so visceral it is difficult to communicate. Divorce is not just hard, it is raw, exposing and messy. The loss of love, the untangling of your life from someone else, the sense of shame – it can feel like hitting rock bottom. It requires all our courage, strength and resilience to move through it and emerge stronger on the other side. 

I believe we can move through it, and I believe we can rise stronger. I believe this because I have experienced it. ‘Rising stronger’ was the philosophy I lived by as I healed from my divorce. Today, my mission is to support others to do the same. 

Why it’s so damn hard

Grief and emotional turmoil

With any relationship ending there is grief. Grief for the loss of the other person, the loss of the life you built, the future you imagined and your identity as part of that relationship and marriage. For many there is also another loss at play: the loss of ourselves within the relationship. It’s a triple whammy: loss of the other, ourselves and the life we were living. 

With grief comes an emotional rollercoaster. You might be familiar with the Kübler-Ross model which outlines the five stages of grief: denial (or numbness), anger, bargaining (can lead to rumination), depression (deep sadness) and acceptance. These stages are not linear; it is likely you will bounce back and forth between them. This emotional whack-a-mole is hard, especially as you start to feel better and have some acceptance to then plummet back into anger or sadness. At other times you might find yourself stuck in the grip of a powerful and painful emotion, unable to move through it. Much of my work is about helping us to navigate and process our emotions, without suppressing or devaluing them.  

Loss is also physical 

Research shows that the brain’s response to loss and heartbreak activates the same pain centres triggered by physical injury. The heartbreak of a divorce is not just in your head; we feel it at a deep physical level. It can feel like our heart is breaking. Combine this with the physical separation from a person we have spent time with every day and it’s easy to see we are dealing with a lot. 

Shame and guilt

And if that’s not enough, we also tend to add a good dollop of guilt or shame on top of it all. Guilt at hurting the feelings of someone we loved, or feelings of rejection and low self-worth, or questions of ‘what did I do wrong?’ or ‘why wasn’t I enough?’. 

Our culture contributes to this shame and guilt. The wider narrative around divorce and the opinions of others can leave us feeling like a failure, fuelling the flames of shame

and leaving us lacking in confidence. This all serves to amplify the pain we are experiencing. 

The weight of responsibility 

Amidst all of this we have choices to make and action to take: the legal process, financial decisions, and maybe childcare challenges too. We are dismantling one life and building a new one. This is scary and often overwhelming. But every ending is also a beginning, and we can rise stronger.  

The only way out is through

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt in life so far is that you can’t shortcut your way around the hard moments. The only way out is to go through – gently and one step at a time. 

It is natural to want to avoid or numb the pain of loss. But avoiding, ignoring, suppressing or resisting our feelings are all actually ways that keep that pain alive. We keep the pain trapped in our body rather than accepting it, feeling it, having compassion for it and moving through it. 

Many years ago, I experienced a shattering heartbreak. It was a short relationship, so I judged my pain at its ending to be out of proportion. How could I be so hurt over something that hadn’t lasted long? Grieving it so deeply felt somehow weak, like something was wrong with me. So, I brushed myself off, put the grief into a locked box and got on with my life. Looking back, I can see clearly how that unprocessed and unhealed pain influenced my relationship behaviours and choices, contributed to an internal narrative of shame and limiting beliefs, and gave space to my own very loud and mean inner critic. It shaped how I showed up in my marriage and how I showed up for myself. When I went through my divorce over 10 years later, I finally found myself able to grieve and process that early relationship, which also helped me heal from my divorce, learn from it all and find the road back to myself. 

I love Miranda Hart’s description of going through the hard moments. In her recent book, she describes her journey as finding herself somewhere “…dark. Musty.Dank. A cave. With slimy, muddy walls. I walked along the cold, rock floor until another door at the far end of the cave became faintly visible. Somehow, I knew that door was the one that I would eventually, at the right time, be able to step through. And I would be refreshed”

My marriage and my divorce became my teacher. Slowly, gently, with compassion, I navigated that dark, dank cave. It was a journey of getting to know myself (my patterns, beliefs and values), finding the tools to feel more confident and navigate daily ups and downs, and building a brighter, more joyful and fulfilling life. In short, I went on a journey back to my heart. Today I feel freer, move alive, more empowered and more deeply connected to myself and others than ever before.

You can do the same

There is a light at the end of your dark cave. What if this is the start of a journey to truly discovering yourself and building a more empowered, confident and fulfilled you?

If you’re unsure where to start, here are three things you could focus on: 

  1. Seek out your support network: I recommend your network covers three pillars of support – practical support (legal and financial advice, childcare support etc), emotional support (someone to turn to when you are in the grip of emotion or turning in on yourself) and social support (someone who will get you out of the house and sprinkle some joy). 
  2. Daily wins: at the end of each day write down, or say out loud, three wins from the day. It doesn’t matter how big or small these are – a win could be making the bed that day – the power is in the daily recording of your wins. It trains your brain to start to look for the positives. 
  3. Gentle movement: our physiology has one of the biggest impacts on our emotional state. Movement positively influences our emotional state, enabling us to navigate and shift some of those more painful emotions. 

“The most difficult seasons of life are often preparing us for the most beautiful times ahead. When life falls apart, don’t rush to put it all back together. Sit in the fire and ash of all that once was. You will rise from this with deeper clarity, more wisdom, and a heart primed for peace. This is what grief does when we make room for it. Grief doesn’t break us, it heals us.” – Sheleana Aiyana

About Lucy Newsum

 Lucy Newsum is a life coach and facilitator. She provides coaching for women who want to live and love wholeheartedly. 

www.lucynewsum.com

IG @lucynewsumcoaching

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Why a Landmark Ruling Strengthens the Case for Pre-Nups
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Why a Landmark Ruling Strengthens the Case for Pre-Nups

Published on
Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

A Supreme Court ruling on whether substantial assets transferred between spouses during marriage should be divided equally on divorce – has reignited the importance of pre-nups. 

The ‘big money case’ saw divorcee Anna Standish lose her legal case to keep almost £80 million which her affluent banker husband had given her in 2017 to put in offshore trusts for their children and to avoid inheritance tax. 

When their marriage fell apart in 2020, the money was still in her name, sparking a bitter, prolonged case which played out in the highest courts in the land.

The outcome is a reminder of the importance of pre-nups for all couples tying the knot, especially for high-net-worth individuals and families involved in estate and inheritance planning. 

Irrespective of a couple’s financial status, a pre-nup helps couples to avoid  the potential distress, acrimony, and expense of disentangling their finances if they split up. 

How to obtain a Pre-nup 

  • To enter into an agreement properly, the couple each need to obtain independent legal advice on the agreement
  • Both must also have disclosed their assets to each other – and the terms of the agreement must produce a result that is fair and reasonable and meets needs
  • The agreement should be negotiated and signed at least 28 days before the wedding. This allows both to obtain advice, have time to consider it, and make an informed decision on signing it

Do courts uphold Pre-nups?

Increasingly courts are upholding pre-nups on divorce if they  are satisfied that the agreement was entered into freely, without undue pressure  and with the benefit of full financial information and independent legal advice.

As the law stands, a court  still needs to approve  the settlement at the point of divorce, ensuring the agreement meets the needs of both parties. If it does not, a different order can be made but this is likely still to take the terms of the Pre-nup into account to some extent.

Are Pre-nups suitable for second marriages? 

Yes. The contracts can  work particularly well for couples marrying for the second time where a husband or wife seeks to retain their own wealth if they separate. They can also protect the interests of children from previous relationships. 

Taking the time to draw up a pre-nup before marriage can avoid financial and emotional heartache in a marriage breakdown. Jones Myers family law specialists are highly experienced in advising on pre-nups and post-nups. 

For queries on any aspect of family law, call Jones Myers at Leeds 0113 246 0055, Harrogate 01423 276104, or York 01904 202550. Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce

Jones Myers blog is ranked 5th in the UK’s Best 25 family law blogs and websites to follow in 2025.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Nicki Mitchell

With over three decades of experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements. 

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk  

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How Does the Supreme Court's Judgement in Standish Affect You?
Photo by Sebastian Pichler on Unsplash
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How Does the Supreme Court’s Judgement in Standish Affect You?

Published on
James Pirrie
James Pirrie
Director at
Family Law in Partnership

The short answer is that Standish affects things a bit – but it probably just confirms what a family solicitor would advise you to do anyway.

The longer answer is that highest court of the land has carried out one of its periodic reviews of how to deal with assets at the end of a marriage. Mr and Mrs Standish had considerable assets, much of it built up by Mr Standish before the marriage. They also had a plan to minimise inheritance tax for their children by putting a big slab of Mr Standish’s money in Mrs Standish’s name. When they split, questions were asked:

  1. Did she keep it? 
  2. Was it shared?
  3. Did Mr Standish get it back?

The answer was C.  

Mr Standish got the money back because it was considered to be his separate property and the intention was never that Mrs Standish should benefit from it. There was also enough marital property to meet Mrs Standish’s ongoing needs, such as accommodation and lifestyle. 

Would this be the same if there were more modest assets to share?

If you don’t have such substantial assets, it is less likely to be as simple as dividing marital property (sometimes referred to as the marital pot).  You may need to dip into each spouse’s separate property to meet needs.  Probably the right way now is: 

  1. First, to think carefully about whether an asset is one person’s “separate property”
  2. Secondly consider whether the assets have become shared – and this is all about intention – and now form part of the marital property
  3. Thirdly, you carry out a “needs” assessment, then adjust any division to ensure that children are provided for and that each spouse has a fair start on the road to independent living.

This approach makes clear that there is no simple “split it all 50:50”.

Looking at those 3 elements in turn:

1) Separate property

This is going to include: 

  • What one person owned before the marriage; or
  • What they were given during the marriage, such as an inheritance

This is different from marital property, which is everything built up by or during the relationship.

It is usually possible to clearly identify property/ assets as one or the other – separate or marital.  Although there are still uncertainties, for example where there have been personal injury awards or lottery wins. 

2) Intention to share formerly separate assets

The second stage is all about intention. You don’t just look at whose name an asset is held in, you focus on the intention.  If you went to Court, a Judge would consider “Do the dealings between you show that you intended to convert what was separate into something that was for you both?” If so, the separate assets are matrimonialised, which means they become joint assets and form part of the marital property. As such they are usually (but not inevitably) going to be shared equally.

This might happen over time because:

  • What was separate property is not really so significant after the passage of time, because other assets have built up and the fact that this asset was separately brought in is not such a big deal
  • These monies have been put into joint funds or otherwise scrambled together and over time that shows that they are intended to be relied on by both of you
  • The money has been put into the family home and lived in over a period of time – and what asset is more central to the marriage partnership than that?

There may be other reasons and some situations will be harder to call. For example, what about a pension or even an ISA – these are not assets that you can put in joint names and there may be disagreement over what was said and what was intended during the relationship. 

3) What is the needs assessment?

Needs is a bit like a picnic: you don’t focus so much on who brought what to the picnic, everyone needs to eat and if there is not enough to go around then you work a way to share what there is to make the best of the situation, usually prioritising younger children.

So here the marital property will be shared first, but if necessary the separate assets will also be shared. This can include future income.

What does this mean for the legal process?

Standish is simply telling us to be disciplined and take the steps in sequence to make sure that the right answer is reached.  We need to:

  1. think about whether an asset is really one person’s separate property or marital property; then
  2. consider whether dividing just the marital property will ensure that children are provided for and that each spouse has a fair start towards independent life

And if not:

  1. dip into the separate assets to meet those needs.

Ultimately the decision in Standish is intended to enable a fairer division of assets on divorce, but some things remain less clear. 

For example, imagine Jo who marries Les who has inherited a substantial 3 bed property. Otherwise, their resources are modest, they each earn well and at similar levels. Two years into the relationship, their marriage fails and they decide to divorce. Has the property that Les inherited become part of the marital pot?  What share of it does Jo get?  

If the main home is pretty much always marital property and if marital property is often divided equally, should Jo get half of the home after only 100 weeks of relationship that led to marriage and ended in divorce? We won’t know for sure until the guidance from the Supreme Court is put into practice in the day-to-day cases.

What does this mean for you?

I would suggest that when you are trying to find your solutions, it will almost always be worthwhile getting an “entitlements analysis” carried out by a legal professional.  This will give you a clear indication of what you may each be entitled to and indeed, need, to move forward with your lives. Some of these tests don’t come naturally and unusual situations will generate unusual answers. You are not usually stuck with the analysis, but it will help to know it before you start trying to agree how you are going to go forward: no-one wants to regret their choices years down the road.

Read more articles by James Pirrie.

Read more articles by Family Law in Partnership.

About James Pirrie

James Pirrie is a Director of Family Law in Partnership, a highly regarded law firm based in London, which specialises in de-escalating conflict in family law.  He is an Arbitrator, Family Solicitor and Mediator accredited in child-inclusive mediation.

James is driven to improve long term outcomes for families who are experiencing separation or divorce.  He is credited with introducing collaborative law to the UK and with changing how children’s needs are addressed during family breakdown through the Parenting after Parting initiative. 

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