divorce process - Page 2

Splitting Personal Property in Divorce

Published on
Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller
Dating Coach
Author of the Global Guide to Divorce

One of the most difficult aspects of divorce can be spitting assets. This can be quite emotional, particularly when treasured items were given to you both as a couple. Over the years. people have shared what works and their biggest regrets.  

Marital Home 

This is tricky – whether one stays and buys the other out, or the place is sold. A concern can be to have less upheaval for children and let them remain in the marital home with one parent.  This can backfire in an acrimonious break-up.  

An example of this is Annabel’s situation. Her husband wanted to remain in the marital home with the two teens. Although her intuition screamed it was a bad idea, she agreed. The kids came home from various after school activities and did not want to leave the house and have dinner with her. The daughter refused visitation, claiming she was too tired. The son ended up going on some weekends and has a good relationship with his mum. 

Annabel found out later in family counselling that John was telling the daughter in particular,  “Your mum left us. She wants a new life.” Her brother blew it off and her daughter believed that they had been abandoned. If they had both relocated some of this drama could have been avoided.   In a friendly divorce, it may not matter about the marital home as it does in a contentious one. 

Joint presents 

When given presents as a couple, divide up property by who gave them. His side or hers when both want the same item. For example, my mum gave us a Waterford chandelier and two light fixtures. My former husband claimed we needed to divide them up between us. She had to put in writing for the solicitors that all three were to be given to me.  

When dividing wedding gifts, I kept things from my side. I separated gifts from his friends and family so he could get those. It is trickier when joint gift money was spent on a painting etc. What some couples do is make a list. What is most important to them and what can they live without.  Also, when there are similar items, each person gets one. This works better when they are able to negotiate.  

Pick your battles 

Division may not seem fair with personal property. In one case, the wife gave expensive collectible coins on various gift-giving occasions, He gave her thoughtful presents in return, many of which were cat or travel themed. They were much appreciated. In the divorce it turned nasty. Seth had a treasure trove he could sell and Pippa did not. Pippa had a decision to make. Should she pursue the disparity between these gifts or let this slide and go after bigger assets. Pippa opted to go after the more important ones, such as stock and splitting his retirement pension. Since John felt he got away with keeping all the old coins he was calmer, when the more important issues came up.   

What you brought into the marriage you can take. This is true even if the value is quite different. If you brought in the designer goods then they are yours.  

During our divorce my husband’s solicitor told me this. “If both parties are unhappy, then I know the division of property was fair. If one person is very happy, then it wasn’t.” 

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

About Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again.  https://globalguidetodivorce.com  She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.  

She writes a children’s book series with the latest, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London. Also The Adventures Of Margo, Girl Detective.w

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Divorce is Rarely About Just One Thing
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Divorce is Rarely About Just One Thing

Published on
Anthony Davis
Anthony Davis
Founder and Director
By Personal Touch

One of the most common misconceptions about divorce is that it is a single event. People often think of it as completing a form, obtaining a Final Order, and then moving on with life. In reality, those of us who work with separating couples every day know that divorce is rarely that simple. More often than not, the legal ending of a marriage is just one part of a much wider journey that affects finances, housing, children, future planning, and sometimes a person’s confidence in making decisions about the next chapter of their life. 

At By Personal Touch, we speak to hundreds of people every year who are at very different stages of that journey. Some contact us within days of a separation, feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to begin. Others have already spent months trying to resolve matters themselves and simply need help formalising an agreement. Some are facing court proceedings and need practical support to navigate a process they never imagined they would have to understand. What unites almost all of them is the feeling that they have been dropped into unfamiliar territory and are trying to make important life decisions without a map. 

It is often only when we begin talking through their circumstances that they realise divorce is not simply about obtaining a divorce. There are usually several important decisions that sit behind the legal process itself. Questions arise about the family home, pensions, savings, debts, arrangements for children, future inheritance planning, and the practical realities of building a new life after separation. Whilst every family’s circumstances are different, the same themes appear time and time again. 

Many couples who come to us have already managed to reach some form of agreement. They have had difficult conversations around the kitchen table, exchanged countless messages, and eventually found a way forward that feels fair to both of them. There is often a sense of relief when that point is reached. The conflict has reduced, communication has improved, and both individuals feel ready to move on. Yet one of the most important lessons we have learned over the years is that reaching an agreement is not necessarily the end of the process. In many ways, it is the beginning of ensuring that agreement is properly protected. 

A significant part of our work involves helping couples formalise financial settlements through Financial Consent Orders. Whilst this may sound like a technical legal process, the reality is that it is often about providing certainty. People who have worked hard to negotiate a settlement want reassurance that the agreement they have reached will stand the test of time. They want confidence that future financial claims have been properly addressed and that both parties can move forward without the fear of unexpected disputes years down the line. The value of that certainty should never be underestimated. Divorce is emotionally exhausting enough without leaving important financial matters unresolved. 

What often surprises people is that many of the most successful outcomes do not originate in a courtroom. They begin with a conversation. Mediation has become an increasingly important part of helping families navigate separation because it provides a structured environment in which people can discuss difficult issues constructively. There is a common misconception that mediation is only suitable for couples who get along well. In practice, we often see the opposite. Some individuals arrive frustrated, hurt, and convinced that agreement is impossible. Yet when provided with the right environment and support, many are able to have conversations that simply were not possible around the kitchen table. 

The reason mediation can be so effective is that it encourages people to focus on solutions rather than positions. Instead of concentrating on who is right and who is wrong, the discussion shifts towards what arrangements are needed for the future. This can be particularly valuable where children are involved. Whilst the marriage may have come to an end, the responsibilities of parenting continue long after the legal process is complete. Creating a framework for constructive communication can often prove more valuable than any court order. 

Of course, not every case can be resolved through agreement alone. There are situations where communication has broken down completely, where important financial information has not been disclosed, or where significant disputes exist regarding children or finances. When matters progress to court, many people find themselves entering a world that feels intimidating and confusing. The family justice system has its own procedures, language, expectations, and deadlines. For someone who has never previously been involved in legal proceedings, the experience can feel overwhelming. 

This is where practical litigation support becomes so important. One of the most rewarding aspects of our work is helping people understand the process they are facing. Fear often stems from uncertainty. When individuals understand what documents are required, what a hearing is likely to involve, and what steps come next, they are usually able to approach proceedings with far greater confidence. Whilst nobody chooses to find themselves involved in litigation, having guidance and support can make the experience significantly less daunting. 

Yet even once financial settlements have been agreed, mediation concluded, and court proceedings finalised, another stage of the journey often remains. Separation frequently creates significant changes in a person’s financial and personal circumstances. A family home may need to be sold or transferred. A new property may be purchased. Existing Wills may no longer reflect an individual’s wishes. Beneficiaries may need to be reconsidered, and future plans properly documented. 

It is remarkable how often people devote months to resolving their divorce but overlook the practical steps needed to protect their future afterwards. Updating a Will, reviewing ownership arrangements, and ensuring that property matters are dealt with correctly are all part of creating long-term security. These decisions may not carry the same emotional weight as the separation itself, but they are often just as important in helping people move forward with confidence. 

Over the years, what has become increasingly clear is that successful separations are rarely defined by a single document or a single court order. They are defined by whether people feel able to move forward with clarity and certainty about the future. The legal process is important, but it is only one element of a much bigger picture. Financial security, effective communication, practical support, and future planning all play a role in helping families transition from one chapter of life to the next. 

Every person who contacts By Personal Touch has their own story. Their circumstances, concerns, and priorities are unique. However, beneath those individual stories lies a common objective. They want reassurance that they are making the right decisions. They want to understand their options. Most importantly, they want to know that there is a pathway through what can often feel like one of the most challenging periods of their lives. 

Divorce marks the end of a relationship, but it should also provide the opportunity for a new beginning. When the right support is available, people are able to make informed decisions, protect what matters most to them, and build a solid foundation for the future. That is why we believe divorce is never simply about obtaining a divorce. It is about helping people navigate every stage of the journey, from reaching agreement and formalising settlements, through to resolving disputes, planning for the future, and ultimately moving forward with confidence. 

About Anthony Davis

Anthony Davis is the Founder and Director of By Personal Touch, a leading UK-based divorce support service helping separating couples navigate financial settlements, mediation, litigation support, and future planning. With a background in family law and dispute resolution, Anthony has assisted hundreds of individuals through some of life’s most challenging transitions, focusing on practical, affordable, and accessible solutions. He is passionate about helping people understand their options, avoid costly mistakes, and move forward with confidence following separation. 

For more information, visit www.bypersonaltouch.com.

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When Court is the Only Solution in Divorce
A guide to when court may be the only solution in divorce, including the process, risks, and key considerations.
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When Court is the Only Solution in Divorce

Published on
Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

As a niche family law firm which champions a non-confrontational approach to divorce, Jones Myers always strives to offer our clients alternative options to a court divorce such as mediation or collaborative family practice. 

Clients undergoing divorce are at a crossroads of their lives and do not take such an enormous decision lightly. It presents numerous emotional, financial and practical challenges, even where both agree the relationship is over.  

While our experienced family law experts do everything we can to help them to choose the right path for their circumstances, sometimes going to court is the only viable option. I explain in more detail below.     

In what circumstances do couples choose a court divorce? 

This largely depends on the advice they receive. Whilst most lawyers will explain all the Non Court Dispute Resolution (NCDR) options to clients, some, who may perhaps have less or no experience in this area, are more inclined to recommend court applications.  

The court process has its place. A Judge can compel the production of financial information, ultimately, though rarely, by sending someone guilty of non-disclosure to prison. The court can also order third parties, such as accountants and other advisers who hold information relevant to the case, to provide information. 

In extreme cases – in particular where there is a lack of engagement in the process – a court can make orders without engaging with one of the couple. 

What is involved in a court process?

Before an application can be made to the court for a Financial Order – which sets out how the financial assets of separating couples will be divided – an application must have been made for a divorce or dissolution of a Civil Partnership. The various steps required can be found here.

Before applying for a Financial Order or a Child Arrangements Order – a court order court  setting out the living arrangements of a child or children involved in the divorce – the person proposing to make the application must either attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) or be eligible for one of a small number of exemptions.

The MIAM assesses whether mediation is an option for the separating couple. A financial application starts with the exchange of full financial disclosure which is then followed by a series of up to three main court hearings.   

What are the advantages of a court process? 

Court applications are often started because one of the couple refuses to engage. Only a Judge can compel someone to produce documents or make orders in the absence of co-operation.

The court’s role is to encourage couples to make agreed decisions about their finances and children. However, some couples, for a variety of reasons, are simply unable to reach agreement and need someone to make that decision for them.  In default of agreement, the court can impose binding decisions on them. 

…and the disadvantages?

In court proceedings couples run the risk that they will lose control of decisions which will affect them for years to come. They may well not agree with what the court imposes but in reality will find it difficult to do anything about it – appeals are rare and costly. 

There is no guaranteed privacy in a court divorce – journalists can obtain permission to report in family law courts on cases involving finances and/or children’s wellbeing and future.   

Couples are appointed a judge, who is unknown to them, and who potentially makes vital decisions on key issues about their future. Continuity is not assured, with different judges often involved at different stages of the proceedings.  

Court hearings can be costly, stressful and time consuming. They heighten conflict between the couple which inevitably has a negative impact on their children and wider family.  

The duration of a court divorce can vary significantly from a few months to years if the issues are  contested. The court system is under strain and there is always the risk that a hearing may be cancelled or put off if there is insufficient court time or no available Judge. 

Court orders, whether made by agreement or imposed by a Judge, are legally binding and enforceable.  Negotiated agreements are easily converted into court orders without the need for any hearings. 

What are the first steps for those in this situation to take?   

Knowing where to start on this path can seem overwhelming. Whichever route you take, it is vital to secure the best possible legal advice from highly experienced family law professionals like Jones Myers who are members of family law group Resolution and have a strong track record in their respective fields.  

In circumstances when going to court is a client’s only viable option, Jones Myers is highly experienced in litigating in all court arenas from the Magistrate’s Court through to The Supreme Court.

Our legal experts are dedicated to safeguarding our clients’ best interests throughout the process, taking into careful consideration their immediate and long-term needs – and helping them to face the future with confidence.

For queries on divorce and family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

About Nicki Mitchell

With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements. 

A skilled Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk  01904 202553, www.jonesmyers.co.uk 

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Should I Use AI to Navigate My Divorce?

Published on
Emma Alfieri - Co-Parenting
Emma Alfieri
Legal Director
Greene & Greene Solicitors

Why AI Feels like the obvious answer

Artificial intelligence has, in a remarkably short space of time, become the first place many people turn when they need answers. Whether it is planning a holiday, drafting an email or understanding a complex topic, AI tools promise quick, confident responses at a click of a button, wherever you are.

It is therefore unsurprising that people facing separation or divorce are increasingly using AI to seek legal guidance. When emotions are high and costs are a concern, instant answers can appear to be an attractive alternative to seeking professional advice. However, when it comes to divorce and family law, relying on AI can quietly expose you to significant risk.

Why AI struggles with UK family law

One of the greatest dangers of AI is how convincing it can sound. Responses are often detailed, well-structured and expressed with confidence. However, confidence does not equal accuracy. AI responses are known to consistently contain inaccurate information.

Crucially, AI tools are not designed with the English legal system in mind. Most widely used platforms are developed in the United States and trained largely on American legal data. Although English and US family law both deal with issues such as divorce, finances and children, they differ significantly in structure, legal principles and outcomes.

Divorce law in England and Wales is highly discretionary and fact specific. AI guidance shaped by US assumptions can therefore be fundamentally unsuited – and potentially misleading – for English divorcing couples.

Increased cost and delay

Many people turn to AI in the hope of saving money. In reality, relying on incorrect or generic guidance can have the opposite effect. It can lead to:

  • Issuing the wrong type of application.
  • Failing to take appropriate steps before going to court.
  • Submitting poorly prepared documentation.

All of which a Judge is unlikely to look favourably upon. Ultimately when a solicitor is later instructed to correct these issues, the result is often increased costs, avoidable delay and added emotional strain. Early professional advice can prevent these problems arising, rather than having to repair the damage further down the line.

Where AI can be relied on

AI can be and is, an extremely helpful tool when used within appropriate limits. It can assist with explaining legal terminology, providing a general overview of the process and helping individuals frame questions before seeking advice.

However, it should be used as an information aid only. AI cannot access your individual circumstances, manage risk, or guide decisions that will shape your future.  It is important to be aware of AI’s inherent limitations – including its tendency to agree rather than challenge. AI is designed to be helpful and affirmative; it will not tell you your expectations are unrealistic or when a proposed course of action carries risk. In family law, that lack of challenge carries substantial risk.

Why a human approach matters for your family’s future

Divorce is not just a legal process; it could shape your future and that of your family. No two cases are the same and each requires careful consideration in context with the circumstances.

Divorce requires judgement, strategy and empathy – not just access to information. The human understanding and empathy are qualities AI simply cannot replicate.

A family solicitor provides personalised advice, based on the individual circumstances, practical support and the benefit of dealing with this area of law every day, all within a confidential and regulated framework.

If you are navigating a divorce or family law issues, whilst AI can be useful to gather information, it should not solely be relied on.

Seeking tailored guidance can help protect your position and ensure you are navigating the process in the appropriate way.

This is only intended to be a summary and not specific legal advice.

About Emma Alfieri

Emma Alfieri is a Legal Director at Suffolk firm Greene & Greene Solicitors.

Emma advises on all aspects of family law, including divorce and associated financial matters, disputes between cohabitants and child related disputes.

A member of Resolution, Emma is committed to resolving disputes as positively and agreeably as possible whilst also being motivated to obtain the best possible outcome for her clients.

Since 2012 Emma has been consistently recommended by the Legal 500 on an annual basis and in the most recent 2024 edition Emma is ranked as a “rising star”.

As an advocate of fault free divorce, Emma lobbied at Parliament with other members of Resolution in 2016 to bring about the recent changes to divorce law.

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4 Reasons You Shouldn’t Use AI to Get Divorced

Published on
Amanda Mason
CEO and Founder of SOLAGREEⓇ

After I graduated from law school, I spent years as a litigator fighting in the traditional family court system. I spent the early part of my career doing exactly what I was trained to do: fighting hard, pushing forward, and winning cases. But even when my clients “won,” I saw the immense collateral damage left behind. Once I personally experienced the trauma of taking the stand in my own custody trial, the reality became undeniable. The traditional, adversarial court system is a failing model that leaves families financially and emotionally drained. Fundamentally, it is an environment where someone is pitted versus someone, breeding an atmosphere of hostility and paranoia.

Today, clients are increasingly rejecting that adversarial approach. Nobody wants to pay a huge retainer with an open-ended billing structure, wait months for a meaningful update from their counsel, or spend years waiting to get into a backlogged courtroom. In a desperate attempt to avoid what I call the “divorce industrial complex,” many people are turning to artificial intelligence and LLM platforms to streamline the legal process, hoping for a faster, cheaper out.

The uncomfortable truth is that AI is actually not doing a half-bad job with the basic administrative aspects of divorce. Tools currently in development are designed to bypass our involvement entirely, allowing clients to simply push a button and file away. But while I fully advocate for bypassing the toxic, broken court system, turning your family’s future over to a robot is a dangerous gamble.

Here are four reasons why you shouldn’t use AI to get divorced, and why a human-centric alternative is still the only way to truly protect your peace and your wallet.

1. AI Cannot Read a Room or Understand Emotional Complexity

At our core, we are mammals. We crave and need a human touch, especially during our most vulnerable and terrifying moments. When one spouse decides to leave a marriage, both spouses’ fight-or-flight modes instantly engage, and trust—which is already battered—completely erodes. Divorce triggers profound emotional trauma, transforming the smartest, most accomplished people into individuals ruled by anxiety and fear.

Algorithms, no matter how advanced they may be, cannot read a room or understand emotional complexity. An AI cannot see the anxiety in a spouse’s face during a mediation session, nor can it validate a parent’s unique values and goals. When you are existing in a heightened state of distrust where every word feels like a trap, you need an objective human professional to guide you back to a rational headspace. Human professionals can dial down the anxiety at the outset and get people thinking more positively, something a computer prompt simply cannot do.

2. The Margin of Error is Terrifying

While AI might get the broad strokes right, the 5-40 percent that it gets wrong should be absolutely terrifying to anyone relying on it for a legal resolution. Divorce isn’t just paperwork; it dictates the division of your hard-earned assets, your future financial stability, and most importantly, the custody and support of your children.

A hallucination by an AI platform or a misunderstanding of nuanced state law could result in a disastrous final document. If your automated AI divorce makes a critical error, you will likely end up right back in the same expensive, backlogged court system you were trying to avoid, paying an attorney tens of thousands of dollars to try and untangle the mess. I went to law school to protect people’s rights, and prioritizing flesh-and-blood clients over data sets requires real human diligence.

3. Algorithms Cannot Craft Creative Compromises

AI platforms assume that you and your spouse can already agree on everything. But what happens when you don’t? Even the most “amicable” couples usually have complex financial or parenting issues to resolve.

Artificial intelligence cannot craft creative compromises that fit a family’s specific needs and goals. Only humans can do that. In a properly structured human process, you start by working with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) who helps you deeply understand what’s actually in play financially, giving you the power to design your own outcomes. Likewise, a custody intake specialist can help validate each parent’s styles, often revealing that parents have more commonalities than differences. A skilled human mediator can then bridge the gap on difficult issues. An AI simply outputs standard templates based on algorithms; it cannot brainstorm an outside-the-box solution that saves your family’s specific business or protects a unique retirement plan.

4. AI Lacks the Binding “Safety Net” Needed for True Peace of Mind

The biggest vulnerability of any purely automated or unguided negotiation is that there is no safety net. With traditional “naked” mediation, collaborative law, or DIY AI tools, either spouse can walk away at any time. As long as that threat exists, neither party can truly relax or operate outside of a defensive posture.

A human-centric, phased approach—specifically mediated arbitration—solves this. In this method, couples commit to a binding process from the start. If you cannot resolve a specific issue through mediation, a vetted, private human arbitrator steps in to make a legally binding decision based on your state’s laws. This ensures that no single person can blow the whole thing up and drag it out for years. Knowing that this human safety net is in place organically lowers anxiety and pulls clients out of their defensive fight-or-flight mentality, allowing them to engage in dignified, rational compromise. An AI program cannot guarantee that your high-conflict spouse won’t suddenly abandon the software and hire a pitbull attorney.

Future-Proofing Your Divorce

I entirely understand the desire to escape the nightmare of traditional litigation. As a seasoned practitioner who has spent years watching the adversarial system rip everyone apart, I know exactly why couples are searching for a faster, flat-fee alternative.

But the answer is not to hand your family’s future over to an algorithm. To truly future-proof the profession and protect families, we must pivot toward human-centric, highly efficient alternative resolution frameworks. By utilizing a structured model that integrates CDFAs, skilled mediators, and private arbitrators, you can achieve the virtual, streamlined, and cost-predictable divorce you want—without sacrificing the vital emotional support and legal integrity you need.

At the end of the day, divorcing strong means maintaining who you are at the core of your soul all the way through to the end of the process. You deserve a divorce framework that prioritizes your dignity, neutrality, and humanity. Robots may be fast, but when it comes to your family, your finances, and your peace of mind, there is simply no substitute for the right humans.

About Amanda Mason

Amanda Mason is CEO and founder of SOLAGREEⓇ, a new divorce framework that blends mediation, arbitration, and financial planning professionals into one streamlined process. In addition to her role with SOLAGREEⓇ, Amanda is a partner at Mason, Mason, & Smith in Wilmington, NC and a certified mediator who provides assertive, effective representation in divorce, custody, and complex civil matters.

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Choosing Where to Divorce: Why the Country Can Change Everything

Published on
Gergely Fried
Gergely Fried
McKenzie Friend and Founder of Everyman Justice

Sponsored post by Everyman Justice.

One client I supported had several properties in his home country and one house in England. When his marriage broke down, he chose to divorce here. The outcome surprised him. To protect the assets abroad, he ended up giving up the English property entirely. He had not realised, until it was too late, that where you divorce can shape what you keep.

Most people going through a divorce with any international element ask the same first question: do I need a lawyer in both countries? It is a reasonable question, but it is not the most important one. The question that matters more, and that often goes unasked until it is too late, is simpler and more consequential: where should this divorce actually happen?

For anyone who married abroad, holds assets in more than one country, or has spent years living between England and another jurisdiction, the answer is not automatic. The difference between getting it right and getting it wrong can sometimes be measured in tens of thousands of pounds.

The financial consequences are bigger than most people expect

England and Wales is often seen as one of the more financially flexible divorce jurisdictions, particularly for a spouse who has not been the primary earner. The court’s approach is guided by section 25 of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973, which requires consideration of needs, resources, and contributions, including non-financial contributions such as raising children. In practice, this can lead to outcomes that look very different from jurisdictions where division is limited to more strictly defined property or title ownership.

Many European jurisdictions take a narrower approach. In some systems, pre-marital or inherited assets are treated much more clearly as separate property, while disputes focus more on joint assets, later contributions, or compensation between separate and common property. Outside Europe, the contrasts can be even sharper. Some jurisdictions focus much more strictly on formal ownership or local family law rules than an English court would.

For a spouse who gave up a career to raise children, or who contributed informally to a family business, the difference in outcome between jurisdictions is not marginal. It can be transformative.

The country where your divorce is processed is not a neutral administrative detail. It is a legal choice with financial consequences.

Where you married matters less than people think

What surprises many people, particularly those who came to England from another country, is that where you married is often far less important than where you can divorce. What matters much more is where you are now, and specifically whether you can establish what lawyers call habitual residence.

If you have been living in England and Wales and this is your genuine home, you will often be able to divorce here regardless of whether you married in Hungary, Poland, Italy, or elsewhere.

Brexit has also changed the landscape significantly for families with European connections. What was once a more predictable framework, where rules about which country’s courts took precedence were relatively clear, is now often less straightforward. Where proceedings begin, and when, can matter in ways that were not previously an issue.

For families with assets or family members in EU countries, the question of how an English order will be recognised and enforced abroad is no longer as simple as it once was. Getting specialist advice early on can make a significant difference before any decision is made about where to issue.

Why Brexit and hidden assets make things harder

Hidden or unclear assets can add another layer of difficulty. In some cases, money is not where it appears to be, but is held in another jurisdiction, placed within a business structure, or simply not fully disclosed.

Even where there is no deliberate concealment, cross-border finances can make it genuinely difficult to build an accurate picture. Tracking and verifying assets across jurisdictions is slow, expensive, and sometimes incomplete. By the time concerns are raised, untangling what has happened can be very difficult.

These situations tend to follow recognisable patterns. One is where both spouses have links to the same country and one returns there after separation, leading to parallel proceedings in two jurisdictions. Another is the gap between what an English court may award and what can realistically be recovered when assets sit abroad. Assets in England can usually be dealt with more directly, but foreign assets depend on recognition and enforcement in the local jurisdiction, which can be slower, more complex, and sometimes uncertain.

The question people often ask too late

What I see most often is simpler than any of these technical issues: people do not realise any of this is relevant until proceedings are already underway.

By that stage, decisions have already been made about where to live, where to issue, and what assumptions to rely on. At that point, changing direction is often difficult and sometimes no longer possible.

I am not a solicitor and this is not legal advice. What I can say, from experience, is that the families who fare best are almost always those who ask the cross-border question early, before filing, before the first hearing, and ideally before separation becomes final.

In practical terms, that often starts with a few key questions: where am I habitually resident, where is my spouse likely to issue proceedings, where are the main assets located, and how easily could an order be enforced in those jurisdictions?

If your marriage, your assets, or your life has an international dimension, getting specialist advice early can make a significant difference. The country where your divorce happens is not just a procedural detail. In some cases, it is the most important decision of the whole process.

Read more articles by Gergely Fried

About Gergely Fried

Gergely Fried is a McKenzie Friend, author, and the founder of Everyman Justice. With a background in education and business, and personal experience of child arrangements proceedings, he supports parents navigating the UK family court system with calm, practical guidance and emotional insight. His work focuses on clarity, emotional understanding, and reducing unnecessary conflict, always with the child’s wellbeing at the centre.

His book, Conflict by Design, guides parents step by step through child arrangements proceedings using a realistic case narrative, explaining what to expect in clear, accessible language rather than legal or academic jargon.

Everyman Justice: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/
Support & Help: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/support-and-help/

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Pre-nuptial vs. Post-nuptial Agreements: Which One Do You Need?
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Pre-nuptial vs. Post-nuptial Agreements: Which One Do You Need?

Published on
Kaylee Justham
Kaylee Justham
Solicitor
Rainer Hughes

When approaching a milestone event such as a marriage or civil partnership, it is always a good time to reassess your financial position and put plans in place to protect yourself. This is particularly important if there is an imbalance in wealth between the two partners, such as one partner having business assets or a large inheritance. It is natural for that partner to wish to preserve or retain the wealth they have already accumulated, in the event of a future divorce or dissolution, particularly where there are children involved whose future needs are required to be considered. On the other hand, it is also sensible to plan ahead and determine how financial settlements should be arranged, in the event of a relationship breakdown, and this peace of mind is what a pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreement provides. 

Pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreements have previously been the domain of high-profile people and couples involved in a high net worth divorce or partnership dissolution, but they have become increasingly popular as people take sensible steps to avoid costly litigation in the event of a relationship breakdown, and at an already stressful time. 

What is a pre-nuptial agreement?

A pre-nuptial agreement is a formal agreement that a couple enter into prior to a marriage or a civil partnership. The agreement sets out how assets and financial arrangements will be divided in the event of the relationship ending, and therefore predetermines a financial settlement. This removes stress, provides clarity and avoids disputes which could result in costly court proceedings. A partner can use a pre-nuptial agreement to protect assets they have already accumulated from future claims, which UK laws might otherwise dictate are shared with the other partner. 

What is a post-nuptial agreement?

A post-nuptial agreement is very similar to a pre-nuptial agreement in terms of its contents and purpose, but this is an agreement entered into by two partners who are already married, or who are already in a civil partnership. A post-nuptial agreement also defines how assets and financial arrangements will be divided in the event of a relationship ending.  

The key differences between pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreements

It is common for people to come to a decision that they wish to protect their own financial assets, and to provide clarity on how this is done, but this decision can be made at different times. Of course, these arrangements can be made before or after a wedding or civil partnership ceremony and therefore can be a pre- or post-nuptial agreement accordingly. However, there are other important differences in each arrangement which could suit certain people at certain times. 

  • Separation before divorce – A post-nuptial agreement can be useful in a scenario where a couple wish to separate, but have not yet decided that divorce or dissolution is the right conclusion. This could be due to various circumstances, including financial circumstances. In this event, a post-nuptial agreement acts as a holding position to define the current agreement, until such a time that a divorce or dissolution is decided upon and agreed to be the next course of action.  
  • Wealth accumulated during a marriage/civil partnership – It is also common for one partner to come into significant wealth during a marriage or civil partnership. This could be an inheritance, or through the sale of a business or a property owned prior to the marriage or civil partnership, for example. In this case, wealth protection is very important, and a post-nuptial agreement can clarify how this new wealth should be divided in the future.  
  • Condition – Although it is not considered a particularly romantic gesture and is considered by some to be putting a negative slant on an impending marriage or civil partnership, one partner may insist on a pre-nuptial agreement being put in place prior to the relationship becoming formal, and hence this becomes a condition that may even prevent the marriage or civil partnership going ahead. At the same time, it should be stressed that both partners have to enter into a pre- or post-nuptial agreement willingly and without pressure or duress, for it to be enforceable. 

The key difference is that a post-nuptial agreement can protect a partner in the event that circumstances change during a marriage or civil partnership, and these circumstances weren’t known prior to the marriage or civil partnership.  

What should pre- nuptial and post-nuptial agreements contain?

Common inclusions in a pre- or post-nuptial agreement are:

  • Property – Whether marital or non-marital
  • Bank accounts – Protecting individual income and savings and dividing joint accounts
  • Debts – Again, whether marital or non-marital
  • Maintenance – Arrangements for funding childcare 
  • Pensions – How these will be divided
  • Inheritance – Whether to keep separate and/or pass down to children
  • Valuable property – How items such as jewellery, artwork or valuable furniture is divided
  • Business interests – Dividing business assets and restricting sale or transfer if applicable

A pre- or post-nuptial agreement wouldn’t normally predetermine child arrangements, as these can change over time. It also wouldn’t include personal issues, such as clauses relating to lifestyle choices, household responsibilities or social media usage. 

What considerations should you make when preparing a pre- or post-nuptial agreement? 

A pre- or post-nuptial agreement is not yet a legally binding agreement in the UK, but they are usually given significant weighting by the courts in the event that certain conditions are met. These can include:

  • A pre-nuptial agreement should be entered into at least 28 days prior to a marriage or civil partnership, to avoid accusations that undue pressure or coercion was involved.
  • There should be full financial disclosure from both parties. 
  • Both partners were provided with independent legal and financial advice prior to formalising the agreement. 
  • The agreement is fair and reasonable for both parties and also prioritises the needs of any children involved in the relationship. 

Although a pre- or post-nuptial agreement requires both partners to look into the future and assess the likelihood of certain things happening, and many people might not like to do that, such agreements can provide an element of trust and peace of mind and prevents the possibility of disputes in the future. Ultimately, this can help to make the divorce, separation and dissolution process amicable and much less emotional.

About Kaylee Justham

Kaylee Justham joined Rainer Hughes Solicitors August 2023 as a Solicitor in the Family Department. Kaylee has over 10 years’ experience working in Family Law, starting off as a paralegal and Trainee Solicitor in which she qualified as a Solicitor in May 2018. Kaylee provides a wide range of services to her clients to include all aspects of family matters to include; matrimonial matters, cohabitation disputes and private children matters. Kaylee also has experience with drafting Wills, Legal Power of Attorneys and Deeds of Trusts.

Kaylee regularly represents her clients in Court and prides herself on her friendly, approachable, direct and forward-thinking manner. Kaylee understands the needs of her clients and strives to act in their best interests in helping them to achieve the best possible results.

Kaylee is considered an extremely safe pair of hands and is dedicated to listening to her clients and aiming to make the process as stress free as possible.

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Why TOLATA is a Necessary Safety Net for Modern Relationships
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Why TOLATA is a Necessary Safety Net for Modern Relationships

Published on
Gary Hall
Gary Hall
Litigation Solicitor
Clough & Willis

When relationships end, property disputes have a way of cutting deeper than just financial loss; they strike at security, fairness, and dignity. For unmarried couples, this reality is especially stark. Unlike divorcing spouses, who benefit from a robust framework under family law, cohabiting partners are left to navigate the cold, often unforgiving provisions of the Trust of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996 (TOLATA).

TOLATA was designed to provide clarity but in practice it often highlights just how outdated our legal approach to modern relationships really is. Cohabitation is now one of the most common living arrangements in the UK, yet the law continues to treat these partners as legal strangers once the romance fades.

On the surface, the Act gives people a route: apply to the Land Registry, unearth dusty transfer documents (TR1/TP1), argue about whether property was held as Joint Tenants or Tenants in Common, and if no agreement can be found then let the courts decide. There is logic here, yes, but also an uncomfortable rigidity. The law presumes fairness based on technical ownership structures, rather than lived reality. Did you pay the mortgage single-handedly after your partner moved out? Did you invest in renovations to increase the property’s value? TOLATA can, through equitable accounting, adjust the balance but this is not guaranteed, and the process is far from simple.

And then there’s the elephant in the room: cost. While mediation is encouraged, the truth is that many disputes end up in court. Formal proceedings mean solicitors’ fees, valuations, mortgage statements, and the stress of disclosure. For ordinary people, this can feel like justice is accessible only if you can afford it.

In my view, the Act functions as a necessary safety net, but it is not a true reflection of the way we live today. The fact that someone can share years of their life, pour money into a shared home, and still walk away empty-handed because their name isn’t on the title deed is not just a legal technicality, it’s an injustice.

It’s time to ask whether we need more than TOLATA. Shouldn’t the law recognise the reality of cohabitation more fairly, without forcing people to piece together claims from constructive trusts and equitable accounting? Relationships may end, but fairness should not.

Until reform comes, TOLATA remains both a lifeline and a warning: if you live together but remain unmarried, your legal rights are fragile, and you must take steps like signing a Declaration of Trust before love clouds the paperwork.

About Gary Hall

Gary joined Clough & Willis in January 2025. He brings with him over 28 years experience working as a solicitor and previously as a Director at Rothwell and Evans solicitors. He has also headed up teams as Head of Litigation Wills and Probate.

His areas of work include:

  • Wills, Trust & Probate Litigation
  • Company & Partnership Law including Shareholder, director and partnership disputes.
  • Contract Disputes – Disputes arising from commercial contracts and between private individuals from what may appear a relative small sum to the multi-million pound claim
  • Property Disputes including landlord & tenant, boundary disputes, possessory title and rights of way.
  • General Litigation –Insolvency, Bankruptcy and Winding Up
  • Applications under the Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996.

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What to Expect in the Early Stages of Divorce
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What to Expect in the Early Stages of Divorce

Published on
Chris Sweetman
Chris Sweetman
Editor at The Divorce Magazine
Director at Fair Result

Sponsored post by Fair Result.

The Team at Fair Result Provide Clear Guidance and Reassurance for Those Taking the First Steps

Divorce is often viewed as a daunting and overwhelming process, filled with uncertainty and emotional ups and downs. If you are considering separation or have just begun thinking about divorce, understanding what to expect in the early stages can help reduce anxiety and put you on a path towards a fair and practical resolution. At Fair Result, we’re committed to providing fixed-fee legal support, guiding you through each step with clarity and reassurance.

Demystifying Divorce and Our Supportive Role

The idea of divorce can conjure images of lengthy court battles, spiralling costs, and emotional turmoil. The process is often much more straightforward, especially with the right guidance and support. Fair Result is here to help you navigate the early stages with confidence, offering practical advice and transparent, fixed-fee services so you know exactly where you stand.

Initial Considerations: Laying the Groundwork

Before starting the formal process, it’s wise to take some practical steps that will make things smoother later on:

  • Gather Financial Documents: Begin collecting information on your income, savings, debts, pensions, and assets. Having these documents to hand will help your legal advisor give you accurate guidance and ensure a fair division of finances.
  • Plan Childcare and Living Arrangements: Consider where you and your children will live and how childcare will be organised. Early, open conversations about these arrangements can prevent misunderstandings and help maintain stability for everyone involved.
  • Think About Your Priorities: Reflect on what matters most to you, whether it’s minimising disruption for your children, securing your financial future, or achieving an amicable outcome. Being clear on your goals will help your solicitor support you effectively.

Starting the Divorce Process: Filing, Paperwork, and Timelines

Once you’re ready to proceed, the formal divorce process begins with filing a divorce application (sometimes called a petition/application) on the government’s online Divorce Portal. Here’s what to expect:

  • Filing the Application: You can apply online or by post. The application asks for basic details about your marriage and the reasons for divorce, now simplified under “no-fault” divorce rules.
  • Serving Papers: After filing online, your spouse will receive the application and has a set time to respond. This is a straightforward step and does not automatically mean a court appearance is necessary. It is only when your spouse is being difficult and refusing to accept online service of the application that you need process servers to physically serve the application.
  • Timelines: There is a mandatory waiting period (the “cooling off” period) before the conditional order can be granted, designed to give both parties time to reflect. The entire process can takes a minimum of 20 weeks as set out in legislation, but much depends on how quickly agreements are reached about finances and children. Do not apply for the Final Order on divorce until all financial and child arrangements have been agreed upon and set out in a consent order.
  • Paperwork: Most of the paperwork is standardised and can be completed with your solicitor’s help, ensuring nothing is missed and that your interests are protected.

Communication and Mindset: Legal Advice and Staying Calm

One of the best things you can do early on is to seek legal advice from a specialist. An experienced solicitor will explain your rights and options in plain English, helping you make informed decisions from the outset. At Fair Result, we believe a calm, practical mindset is invaluable. Try to approach discussions with your spouse about children, money, or living arrangements constructively. Remember, most issues can be resolved without confrontation, especially when both sides are informed and supported.

Fixed-Fee Support: Predictable Costs in Stressful Times

Uncertainty about legal fees can add to the stress of divorce. That’s why Fair Result offers fixed-fee packages, so you always know what to expect. With a clear price from the start, you can focus on what matters most, your family and your future, without worrying about spiralling costs or unpleasant surprises. Fixed-fee support gives you peace of mind and helps you stay in control at every stage.

Common Misconceptions: Busting Divorce Myths

Many people fear that divorce inevitably means a bitter court battle, but this is rarely the case. Most divorces are settled amicably through negotiation and agreement, without ever stepping foot in a courtroom. Other myths such as one partner always “winning” or the process dragging on for years are simply not true. With professional advice and a willingness to communicate, most couples can reach a fair settlement efficiently and respectfully.

Emotional and Practical Realities: Setting Expectations

There’s no denying that divorce brings emotional challenges, from sadness and frustration to relief and hope. It’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions, and seeking support from friends, family, or professional counsellors can be invaluable. On the practical side, be prepared for some changes to your daily routines, finances, and living arrangements. With the right support and a clear plan, these adjustments become far more manageable, helping you move forward with confidence.

Take the First Step with Fair Result

Starting divorce proceedings can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to face it alone. By taking practical steps, seeking early advice, and choosing a fixed-fee partner like Fair Result, you can reduce uncertainty and make informed choices for your future. If you’re considering divorce or have questions about the process, contact Fair Result today for clear, supportive, and cost-effective guidance tailored to your needs. We’re here to help you achieve a fair result, every step of the way.

Get in Touch

Call us at 07 500 933 818 or 0333 577 7009

Email peter@fair-result.co.uk or chris@fair-result.co.uk

Read more articles by Chris Sweetman.

About Chris Sweetman

Chris Sweetman is an independent family solicitor and director of Fair Result – An award-winning law office who pride themselves on using innovative ways to help clients through the stress and complications of a marriage breakdown.

Chris can be contacted on 07500933818 or via email chris@fair-result.co.uk.

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Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You
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Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You

Published on
Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

As an experienced Family Law Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer with extensive expertise in litigation, I understand the challenges facing separating couples in finding the right way to divorce for their individual circumstances.

The trepidation of a prolonged, costly and stressful court divorce is prompting an increasing number of  couples to seek out routes such as mediation and collaborative family law which avoid going to court. 

Another option is arbitration where separating couples hire a ‘private judge’ to accelerate the outcome of their financial settlements. 

Known as Alternative Dispute Resolution – because they provide alternatives to litigating in court – these three options put children’s best interests first. They also promote a spirit of spirit of collaboration for spouses and parents to achieve the best solutions.  

I hope the insights below will help you to decide which is best for your unique situation.   

What is mediation?

Mediation is a means of resolving family disputes constructively. It enables you to keep  control over  decisions which will  affect the future of you and your family.  In  the court process you hand those decisions over to a judge, who does not know you or your family and knows nothing about what is important to you. Mediation is appropriate for most situations including the most financially complex. 

Who is involved in mediation?

The private and confidential process takes place in a safe, impartial environment and involves a mediator like me, an independent third party who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement over key areas.  At the outset both of you sign an Agreement to Mediate so negotiations can continue on a ‘without prejudice’ basis. 

The number of discussions/sessions varies for each couple depending upon the complexity of the split. As a facilitator, the mediator assists, guides, and helps you to move dialogue forward.  

Many mediators, myself included, are lawyers and can provide extremely useful information about the law to inform your decisions. 

Whether or not they are legally qualified, mediators will recommend that you each  retain  your own solicitor who can provide specific legal advice where required during the process.

What does success in mediation look like?

A successful outcome in mediation can mean many things.  Many couples choose the mediation process to get to an agreement which is formalised in a binding Court Order. 

Often called a Final Order, this is a legal document which officially terminates your marriage without you having to go to court.  However, mediation has many other advantages, including developing a new way of communicating as separated parents. 

Is mediation compulsory?

No. Mediation is a voluntary process. You may have read about a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) meeting, usually relating to cases involving finances or children, which all divorcing couples are expected to attend before court proceedings are issued. 

These meetings are designed to inform  you both about alternative resolution schemes and to establish if the circumstances are suitable for mediation.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Mediation can result in a swifter resolution, reducing legal expenses which mount up in prolonged court cases between warring couples. Highly confidential, it is a more impartial and considered approach and can lessen the emotional impact of separation and divorce on children. 

What happens if mediation fails? 

Due to its voluntary nature, talks can be concluded at any time if headway is not made. However, there are many ways in which the process can be adapted to get over sticky issues and avoid failure.  

There is an increasing trend towards lawyers being present in mediation sessions to provide technical advice and support during the process, in particular where there are complex legal issues.  

Alternatively, disputed legal points can be determined by bringing in a neutral lawyer to give a view or even an arbitrator to give a binding decision on a particular issue.  All of this can be done in the context of mediation.

What is collaborative family practice?

In collaborative family practice separating couples make a commitment to avoid the court route and to work together with specially trained lawyers to make their own decisions about the future. 

Like mediation, it champions a spirit of collaboration and compromise, is entirely confidential – and puts children’s needs at the heart of discussions.   

How does it work – and who is involved?

You and your ex each appoint your own collaboratively trained lawyer and undertake a series of meetings where you all work together to identify, address and resolve financial, parenting and other key issues.   

Collaborative family lawyers  provide support and legal advice throughout the sessions. Accountants, independent financial advisers, pensions advisers and/or childcare specialists can also attend and provide guidance on a neutral basis. You have as many or as few meetings as are necessary to resolve the issues between you.  

At the outset you, your collaborative lawyers and other specialists involved, sign a Participation Agreement that commits all of you to strive to reach resolutions without going to court. 

The agreement  prevents your collaborative lawyers from representing you in court if the collaborative process fails, ensuring everyone is wholly bought into making the process work.    

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Like mediation, collaborative family  practice puts you and your ex in the driving seat so you can progress the sessions at your own pace, working around your respective work and family commitments. 

Faster, less stressful and more cost effective than going to court, it ensures that everyone involved is committed to achieving a solution. In times where transparency is encouraged in the family courts and journalists can attend hearings, collaborative practice guarantees your family’s privacy.

What happens if a successful outcome is reached? 

Once an agreement is reached, your lawyers will put it into effect, obtaining a formally binding Court Order without you having to go to court. 

What if talks break down?

At any time during the sessions either of you can terminate the process through a Formal Notice of Withdrawal if you feel no headway is being made. Again, as in mediation, failure can be avoided with the right support, including where necessary, an early neutral evaluation or arbitration on disputed legal issues. 

What is the difference between mediation and collaborative family practice?

In mediation, family mediators are neutral – they cannot give advice to either party as their role is  to facilitate discussions.

This differs from collaborative family lawyers who can advise those they represent at the same time as conducting the negotiations. As highlighted above, collaborative lawyers sign up to an agreement not to go to court, which provides a positive investment in the process for the whole team.  

What is arbitration?

Arbitration is a private court hearing where divorcing couples take on a ‘private judge’, officially known as an arbitrator, to achieve a resolution to their financial settlements.  

How does it work?

Like mediation and collaborative family practice, this option, also conducted in a safe and confidential environment, can avoid a prolonged, expensive and, potentially, public court hearing.  

Similar to a judge, the arbitrator hears evidence from both of you, collects relevant facts and bases their decision on the evidence, considering the views of you both.  

The arbitrator then makes an Award over who should have what which is final and binding.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Divorcing couples have the same arbitrator through the process, something which  rarely happens at court where different Judges are involved at different stages of the proceedings.

Quicker, confidential and more flexible than a court option, there is a substantial cost saving when delays are avoided. Divorcing couples set and agree their own timetable at the outset. 

If an arbitrator is to be used, this is something which must be agreed. There is no power to compel anyone to arbitrate. Also, arbitrators have no power to secure disclosure from third parties such as accountants or financial advisors or instruct them to present evidence at meetings.      

Can couples involved in a court divorce opt for arbitration?

Yes. Court rules give judges the power to halt court proceedings to give you both the opportunity to resolve the dispute through arbitration or indeed any other form of NCDR.

In what circumstances do couples choose a court divorce?

This largely depends on the advice which couples receive. Whilst most lawyers will explain all the dispute resolution options to clients, some, who may perhaps have less or no experience of NCDR, are more inclined to recommend court applications.  

The court process has its place. A Judge has the power to compel the production of financial information, ultimately by sending someone guilty of non-disclosure to prison. The court can also order third parties who hold information relevant to the case, for example accountants and other advisers, to provide information. In extreme cases a court can make orders without any engagement from one of the parties. 

What does a court process entail?

Before an application can be made to the court for a Financial Order an application must have been made for a divorce or dissolution of a Civil Partnership.  The various steps required to get a divorce can be found on the Government website.

As outlined above, before a court application can be made for a financial or children order, every divorcing couple must also  attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting

A financial application will involve the exchange of full financial disclosure followed by a series of up to three main court hearings.   

What are the pros and cons of a court process?

The role of the court is to encourage parties to make agreed decisions about their finances and children and, in default of agreement, to make binding decisions for them 

Court orders, whether made by agreement or imposed by a Judge, are legally binding and enforceable. 

There is no privacy in a court divorce, where the proceedings are open. Since 2023 journalists have been able to report in family law courts on cases which include the wellbeing and future of children whose parents are divorcing.  

Couples are appointed a judge, who is unknown to them, and who makes vital decisions on key issues about their future.  Continuity is not assured with different judges often involved in the proceedings.  

Court hearings can be costly, stressful and time consuming. They can heighten conflict between the couple and run the risk of a case being adjourned or unfinished due to pressure on court time or a judge becoming unavailable.

The duration of a court divorce can vary significantly from a few months to years if the divorce is contested. 

The breakdown of a marriage invariably leaves those involved emotionally and physically drained and few couples take the decision to separate and divorce lightly

Knowing where to start on this critical path, which will impact on the future of all involved and affect the wellbeing of children involved, can seem overwhelming.  

Whichever route you take when embarking on divorce, it is critical that you secure the best possible legal advice.

I cannot emphasise enough the importance of working with highly experienced family law professionals like Jones Myers who are members of family law group Resolution and have a strong track record in their respective fields.   

Because we understand that every case is different, our family law experts, who are leaders in their field, deliver a bespoke service, outlining options and offering legal and practical advice at every stage to help them make informed decisions.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Nicki Mitchell

With over three decades of experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk

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Our Relationship is Over: What Do I Do Now?
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Our Relationship is Over: What Do I Do Now?

Published on
James Pirrie
James Pirrie
Director at
Family Law in Partnership

Let’s not sugar coat it, this question “what do I do now?” (at the moment you know you will separate) is the single most important question you will answer in this whole chapter of your life. There will be a lot of other questions that you will be coming to, but get this one right and you should be able to avoid the unreasonable positioning and exhausting demands of a slow process that will cost eye-watering amounts, to achieve to your best possible outcome.  

Here are my ten top tips from helping clients through this part of their lives for the past forty-something years.

1. Ensure you are safe 

Ensure your safety and the safety of your children.  If there is a risk to this then it will dictate how you address the rest of these tips.

Safety at the end of a relationship is a whole topic on its own and planning for it will depend on your situation.  In controlling relationships, it is likely that a whole range of strategies will have been put in place around you by your prospective ex, with the intention of making it impossible for you to go.  The single most important thing is to reach the realisation that yes you are going to leave – it is then about getting the support to manage your way out of the maze. If you need help to leave safely, there are amazing organisations that can help you manage a safe exit.  Everything follows from this.

2. Manage your emergencies

In the same way, some separations have emergencies – personal safety is the most important.  Others can include:

  • jurisdictional races (where one of you could start proceedings in a different country, you may need to act quickly to ensure your divorce takes place where your needs and those of the children will be met favourably)
  • a child being taken abroad to separate them from you (child abduction)
  • information or assets being hidden or disposed of 
  • your being isolated from funds.

Some of these you can address in part – or at least make easier – but many of them are going to require immediate professional help, probably from a solicitor.

The rest of the “to-dos” are subject to emergencies – sometimes you won’t have time to plan your best path, you will feel bounced around by circumstance. Just carry on trying your best, accepting where you are and planning from there. 

3. Consider couple counselling

If there are no safety concerns, this is a consideration that you should not skate past. I have worked for too many people who have said their ex has come back to them some years down the road saying “I got it wrong – I don’t know what I was thinking- is there a way back for us?”. For me that points to a missed opportunity for some serious conversation around what was not working in the relationship and each person’s capacity for change. Of course, the result may still be that you decide to separate, but talking things through a counsellor is also likely to reassure and make for better progress if you do decide to part. 

4. Be kind if you can

So often, perhaps when people come to me midway through, they seem to be in a terrible situation, which they are finding hard to understand. There might be brutality around disclosure or how the finances are being managed for the interim or how arrangements are being set around the children. It is all a bit destructive and aimless, which is a surprise as they’re decent people. So, what went wrong?  Well usually it is about how things started.  

Actions like deception and adultery matter (see my blog here on this very point) – perhaps not to the professionals who know the courts don’t care, but they really matter to the person being deceived and to their kids when they find out.  Brutal and sharp separations are like throwing a huge slab of concrete into a small pond – the splash and ripples are going to play havoc for a while and in unexpected ways.  Stepping out slowly and gently with empathy respect and understanding, can help everyone get through to the smart choices more quickly.

5. Start early

It follows that planning and starting early is usually a positive too, you can pace things more calmly. You don’t find yourself suddenly desperate that it all has to be sorted by the weekend. (That “I have just had it up to here” moment). It also means that you are less likely to be bounced into the “well I am leaving you” discussion at the worst of times in the heat of an argument.  These things are going to be tough and thinking about how to do it in the best way, in the calm, will pay dividends.

6. Get support

All of that is going to point towards you getting individual support.  So many  people say “I don’t need that fluffy stuff …” or “we are not getting back together”. But that is not what this is about. It is about understanding where your ex is and what they are going through. It is about helping you to think of this from their side to be able to move things on in the best way possible. It is tough.  It is practical. It is also short term and goal-oriented.

Find the right support and you will be challenged to do this well, but also supported to do so.  That’s why I recommend that you get professional support – not just support from your mates or family:

This is the other response to my recommendation of professional expertise is “well I am talking to my friends.” The problem with relying solely on friends and family is that:

  • They care too much and as such, are likely to operate like an echo chamber for you: they want to be supportive and are likely to tell you what they think you want to hear – which is not always what you need to hear
  • They may bring their own unresolved personal issues to the conversation and that is not helpful 
  • They don’t have the training to help you process everything in a constructive way 
  • Their advice is likely to be on the hoof, quick answers without the depth of consideration that is really needed
  • You may find yourself managing your choices to keep them satisfied.

Without meaning to cast aspersions on your inner circle, you are also sharing confidences with them which may well be shared with others. 

I could go on but in essence, therapists are likely to be the most valuable in monetary terms. Find the right one and use them.

7. Think and write

So you know you are going to need to get some advice and guidance (how else are you going to have the anchor of knowing your rights and obligations – how else would you recognise a good deal?). Lawyers charge by time and will read a well-organised briefing way quicker than they can ask questions and you answer them. Many firms will have an information gatherer on their website. If you want to get the most from your time with a lawyer and keep costs time, you would prepare:

  • A balance sheet of where you are now:
    •  who is in the family and who are the relatives and important other people in your lives
    • all the dates and details that are going to be needed such as when the relationship started, was formalised and ended
    • and yes those financial numbers all pinned down so far as known. 
    • In addition there will be descriptions of what is going on – what everyone is like; how are your children doing, pictures etc.  
  • An account of how you got here this is likely to take in your families of origin, education, careers, first homes, challenges and so on
  • And then the quick fire document for a first call: The super brief summary and a clear vision of what you want and what you think are the hurdles to getting there.

Indeed sometimes I think that this last piece of knowing what you are needing is the single most important piece of work that will be in your briefing for the next step.

8. Find the right professional

This can feel like a minefield. There are directories ranking legal professionals, but they may not be your best starting point.  What you are likely to want is that skilled professional whom you trust because they get you and their values resonate with yours, simple as that.  

When you are researching there will be lots of focus on who does what process and your head can spin with the terms likely to be coming at you:  negotiation/ collaborative/ co-operative/ one lawyer/ together/ amicable/ litigation/ mediation/ child inclusion/ hybrid/ integrative, but that shouldn’t be your worry: Your job is to be clear about your needs (those hurdles you identified at stage 7), not the process (which is what the professional brings to accommodate them). It is the professional’s job to show that they have heard you and to explain their recommendation.  If you are convinced, you have the start of your plan. If you are not then say so – if you are not heard, you may not be in the right room so think about moving on now.  

It is why you might do well to choose a professional who is serious about all the different ways of doing things – it will ensure you are presented with all the options. Many lawyers will only have one qualification, permitting them to negotiate your case  with the court as a fall back and the court is the last place most people want to end up.  If your lawyer doesn’t know, isn’t familiar with and doesn’t use collaborative, mediation or arbitration  then just have in mind that these ways that might suit you better will probably not be on the menu for discussion.

9. Be brave …ish

Sitting down to talk with your ex may be absolutely the last thing you want to do, and of course you shouldn’t compromise safety, but for most people, a professionally assisted conversation with a neutral person (likely to be in mediation – but potentially “one lawyer”) is likely to be the fast route to finding the best solution. Your ex is likely to have a view of what they think the outcome should be and they are going to hang onto it until you can show that you have heard them. It is much harder to do this if your discussion is via letters and emails being fired between lawyers from their respective trenches a seeming “safe” distance away from each other.

The right mediator will help you both to manage a safe and productive conversation even in difficult situations. There would be an assessment and  intake process (called “a MIAM”, standing for Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) when you can gather an understanding of what mediation would be like and talk through whether it is for you. In fact, you are required in most situations to have this meeting even if you wanted ultimately to go to court and I would encourage you to enter this meeting with an open mind as there is a lot of flexibility in mediation and other processes which may mean they are better for you.

10. Think kids

So obvious you may say it didn’t need saying. Where you have children, they are likely to be the lens through which all of this is viewed, you will consider your children:

  • when you take steps to start
  • in how you manage the relationship with your ex (because you are usually going to be co-parenting long term so you will not want to lay waste to how you talk to each other)
  • in the choices you make (for example the geography of your homes and family-friendly career-choices)
  • in the timing of any new relationship
  • in how you work out care and decision making: your children are part of each of you, they need safe arrangements to have a relationship with each of you if possible – and ideally each of you supporting the other to be the best parent you can be.

There is a lot to consider and it is all too easy to delay. But whether this relationship is your future or not is for you to decide and in your heart you will know the answer to that (especially if you have been through tip 3).  

If this relationship is not working and can’t be made to work, it is unlikely to be the best example of “adult relationships” for your kids, but beyond this, please don’t become that person I see so regularly who says “now I know about it all, I should have done this a decade ago, it would have been better for everyone.”

Read more articles by James Pirrie.

Read more articles by Family Law in Partnership.

About James Pirrie

James Pirrie is a Director of Family Law in Partnership, a highly regarded law firm based in London, which specialises in de-escalating conflict in family law.  He is an Arbitrator, Family Solicitor and Mediator accredited in child-inclusive mediation.

James is driven to improve long term outcomes for families who are experiencing separation or divorce.  He is credited with introducing collaborative law to the UK and with changing how children’s needs are addressed during family breakdown through the Parenting after Parting initiative.

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New Guide to International LGBTQ+ Laws
Image by frimufilms on Freepik
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New Guide to International LGBTQ+ Laws

Published on
David Allison
David Allison
Director & Mediator
Family Law in Partnership

It’s hard to believe in 2025 that consensual sex between same-sex individuals is still criminalised in a third of the world and there are countries which retain the death penalty.

An exciting and informative international guide of the laws affecting the LGBTQ+ community has been published by the International Academy of Family Lawyers (IAFL) with contributions from specialist family lawyers across the globe.  The guide includes contributions from 56 legal jurisdictions, including several within Africa and the Middle East. 

Each contributor was asked the same set of questions covering topics including the legality of same-sex relationships and gender identity (including legal penalties), relationship status and marriage, as well as parenting.

Whilst there are some bright spots with proper equality before the law for LGBTQ+ individuals, progress is still slow and in parts of the world there has been a worrying regression. For example, in 2021, a Bill titled, “Promotion of Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill” was presented before Ghana’s 8th Parliament. The primary objective of this Bill was to explicitly outlaw activities associated with LGBTQ+ identities and related practices, including gender identity and gender-affirming treatments.

FLiP director, David Allison, Chairs the Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Committee (SOGI) of IAFL. He launched the guide at the IAFL’s Annual General Meeting in Kenya, where homosexuality is currently illegal and punishable by 14 years in prison.

He says:

“There is no other guide on this topic that provides expert insight from the very people who act for clients in these cases, in their own words.  It will be an invaluable resource for many. 

We intend for this guide to be a living resource, which is updated regularly to reflect changes in the law, and we want to find contributors in more countries.  Please do get in touch if you are willing to contribute or know of suitably qualified people who can provide information about jurisdictions which are not included in the guide.”

As IAFL President, Rachel Kelsey says:

“IAFL supports all efforts towards full equality of the LGBTQ+ community throughout the world, and the end to rules that discriminate against such individuals and their families. There remains a lot of work to be done and this Guides is part of our contribution.”

You can access the guide at: www.iafl.com/news-blog/2025/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity-guide/ 

In Kenya David worked with the National Association of Gay & Lesbian Human Rights Commission based in Nairobi on a press release for IAFL. The press release was issued at the General Meeting calling for the elimination of laws that unfairly discriminate against LGBTQ+ citizenry and criminalize countless couples in Kenya.  You can find that release at https://www.iafl.com/news-blog/2025/statement-in-support-of-lgtbq-kenyans-refugees-and-asylum-seekers\

Read more articles by Family Law in Partnership.

About David Allison

David specialises in financial claims on divorce, especially cases with an international element. He has extensive experience in cases where jurisdiction is an issue and those which involve claims for financial relief after an overseas divorce. He is also well known for his work for cohabitants, same sex couples, and civil partners. You can find out more about his work here.

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