divorce process uk - Page 9

Full Disclosure Principle in Divorce

The Full Disclosure Principle in Divorce – Don’t Try to Hide from it

Vanessa Fox
Partner and Head of
Family Law
hlw Keeble Hawson

There have been a number of recent high profile cases where an ex-partner in a divorce has hidden money or assets to avoid them being included in the joint assets that will be divided by the court or an arbitrator.

Among these was an Australian couple’s dispute about the whereabouts of $160,000 fortune hidden in a shoebox.

It is surprisingly common for people to attempt to do this and I have worked on many cases where it has happened – including when a client’s ex squirreled away stacks of £10 notes. In fact, almost every family dispute I have handled has involved an alleged non-disclosure.

Reasons for hiding or undervaluing assets include a wish to save money, a desire for revenge or a belief that the asset or the person’s wealth is too trivial for scrutiny.

However, before the court can reach a financial settlement on separation, both parties have a legal obligation to provide full and frank disclosure of all their assets (including pensions), income and liabilities. Unless and until this has been done, a financial order cannot be made, even if both parties are happy for it to go ahead.

The court does not take into account who is ‘at fault’, meaning that the ‘wronged’ party has no excuse for not making an honest declaration. Nor is it justified for the poorer partner to fail to disclose. That person may feel aggrieved at having to list a tiny savings account or income from a part time job, when the other person is far better off – but the court’s intention is to assess a couple’s joint worth and how this can be divided fairly to meet the reasonable needs of both parties.

Declaring everything that you own does not mean you will receive a reduced settlement – however, failing to disclose an asset can produce that result.

If one party fails to fully disclose, it can lead to a more extended, costly dispute. The person who has not disclosed can in extreme cases be ordered to pay the other side’s legal costs and it is usually the case that that person will receive a far less favourable settlement – with more allocated to their ex on top of what would have been awarded in the first place.

There is nearly also extra expense in relation to applications for court orders for further disclosure or the hiring of a forensic accountant to track down hidden funds, the cost of which is sometimes ordered to be paid by the “non-disclosing” party.

In any event, legal costs always are paid out of the pooled assets that the court would prefer to be spent on the households of the separating couple and their children. One partner’s dishonest disclosure can severely reduce the funds available to do this, which could diminish everybody’s standard of living and affect a parent’s long term relationship with their offspring.

There are often no winners from somebody’s refusal to fully declare, but there can be many losers. Honesty is always the best policy – no matter what misgivings or lingering bitterness one party has for their ex.

About Vanessa

hlw Keeble Hawson partner, Vanessa Fox, marked 25 years as head of the firm’s family law department in 2016.

Collaboratively trained and a qualified mediator, she has modernised South Yorkshire Resolution since becoming chair in 2013 and is also a member of the Law Society’s Family Law Panel and the Children Panel.

She can be contacted on 0114 290 6232 or at vanessafox@hlwkeeblehawson.co.uk.

 

Finding a Good Divorce Lawyer

Why Finding a Good Divorce Lawyer is Vital when Going through Divorce or Separation

James Brown
James Brown
Host of
Divorce The Talk Show

Is it possible to have good qualities in a divorce? 

The Answer is yes you can.  You know how you feel when your doing things right and you get that great sensation that envelops your body your mind and your soul, sounds like great sex,.. oops.   We’re not going down that road. 

We understand that divorce ranks right up their next to death in the list of things that impact you, well the stress of divorce is an experience you really don’t want to have, deal with or face.  

You know it’s easy to say,  “I want a divorce”,  but finding the right solution or making the right decision that merits fairness and equality as a result of your decision, that reality is indeed a bitter dose of, “I didn’t know it took all of this,” when you come face to face with divorce and say  “I’m gonna get me a lawyer” that’s when the stuff starts to fly, the chickens are out of the coop.

I, like many of you, discovered that divorce is a transition that never stops.  You are constantly in the adaptation mode every day, in every way.  Sounds like a  song, “Oh baby I keep going down this road never knowing when to make a turn, every day, in every way”.

The system seems to dictate that we find an attorney and I don’t know if that’s because we  all foster resentment toward our spouses when divorce is at our door steps and the idea of divorce clutches our every existence.

We seem to think that the legal system offers a resolution to our marital problems and getting an attorney will finally bring a peaceful state of mind.  Let me assure you getting an attorney is much like the game pick up the sticks, you know when you use one stick to remove another stick without moving the stick nestled below the stick your trying to pick up, now that was a mouth full well that’s divorce and that’s what getting a lawyer means.  

We often think that a  divorce attorney will articulate and or eradicate the perceived or ill perceived consequence of divorce, not necessarily true.  Nothing prepares us for the staggering indignation of emotional baggage and turmoil… nothing.

But we can learn to lessen that pronounced severity by thinking quality, which is something we try to attain throughout our lives; a good quality of life, this is a proven fact to help and situate our actions for better results.

The person you enlist to help you through your adventure  in the Divorce Horror Land, I use the word adventure, because  it’s a trip through the divorce maze, which is much like dating and I don’t mean to insinuate that dating is a horror but in today’s climate it can be, that’s another story.

But think of  divorce like this you’re constantly meeting new people telling them all about yourself and maybe it just doesn’t work out so you do it again and again and this goes on for several months and sometimes years.

I’m just saying that finding the perfect attorney the right attorney, counsellor, mediator, therapist will make the divorce process a lot more (less) challenging than the divorce it’s self. 

What I am preparing you for, and that’s really what it’s all about preparing you, you’ve got to remember that getting and going through divorce is a process and finding the right piece to the process will take time but will make it all a lot easier on you and your family.  It’s not as easy as 1,2,3 set me free,  1,2,3 help me to see. Just think positive when making decisions. 

When looking to hire an attorney or other such experts or specialist to represent or consult you in your divorce, you should look for the following qualities and also nurture them within your self:

Ability to Communicate

Good communication with your divorce specialist is so very important. Don’t let anger or the, I’m-going-to get-even syndrome make your decisions.  Effective communication of your concerns and expectations is paramount, your representative will need to clearly explain things to you regarding issues of your case and provide you with the best expectations.

It’s significant to your results that your attorney communicate with you, your spouse and your spouse’s attorney.  Many issues will factor in establishing this process which will help in keeping the costs maintainable. There are other things you need your money for especially if you have children growing up, food, clothes, bills, bills bills and other deals.  

You must resist combative situations.  Resolution of the issues are important before you consider the legal system, but as you consider the legal system you must consider all aspects, I can’t stress, get rid of the stress.  Important to your resolve, is the ability to communicate with all parties in establishing a cooperative relationship.  It is important that you begin the thought process of what, happens when I am divorced, what will I do then?

What about court, in many cases court is a reality what’s important  is that your representative be able to communicate your position and litigate appropriately and sometimes it can elevate costly court cost.

Skill and Experience

A good attorney can make the difference, if your a good client, because your divorce can and will touch upon sensitive aspects that will have ramification for your family, finances, retirement, career, etc.

So cover your bases be prepared make sure your team is prepared, preparation makes it work. Know that the people you select to represent you are authentic and professional make sure they are who they say they are.

Divorce is a process of blame and mis-treatment emotionally and sometimes physically this transfers into confrontational discussions which aren’t good.

Availability

There is something about hiring someone to do a job.  You expect them to be at your beck and call.  Well being a client of an attorney means that you are one of many so get that into your brain.  Also every time you call think of a cash register.  His or her time costs and you pay.

I call it pay to play divorce.   When considering an attorney, look for someone who can be ready when you need them.  You need  someone who can respond to your inquiries in a timely manner.  You want an attorney who will not put your case on the bottom of his/her client stack.

Know going in, that you have selected an attorney who has other clients; I must reiterate, “so don’t waste time, time is money”.  Take advantage of his/her availability by being prepared.

Healthy Attitude

It is important that you have a healthy attitude.  This will assure your attorney that you have the ability to maintain your composure which means just staying calm and maintaining focus.  Many times this will give you the edge during and after divorce. Much of what we think about in divorce, is repetitious.  Divorce creates an assurance of things you can’t anticipate.

Resources/Support

Divorce is not a one thing fixes all.  It’s a smorgasbord of family issues and things that unwind the cord that binds the family together. 

Their are so many parts and getting it right isn’t  simply a document in your hand and you walk away happy ever after.  It comes down to mastering all of the resources you need to keep your family whole and re-gain your balance as a family thus there are many facets to the process of expunging the ills that caused your divorce.  

These symptoms are recognizable if you identify resources that can help you understand your issues.

A good  attorney will have resources, it’s important that you recognize your attorney’s resources and have your own to help prepare your case in a timely manner.

I’m James Brown and this is Divorce The Talk Show, until next time Cope, Hope, and Heal.

ABOUT JAMES

James, grew up in San Francisco, and has lived in Salt Lake City, for over 25 plus, and is a second time divorcee with 4 children. 

With his diverse background in television, both in front and behind the camera, Mr. Brown is the driving force behind the highly innovative production of Divorce The Talk Show; A New Beginning, a multi-platform production which is led by new media engagement using digital, mobile as well as the legacy media (television) platform to reach a growing number of people who have gone through a radical change in life via divorce.

Mr. Brown has a background that makes him unique and perfect to support effort to make change in divorce. He has been at the center of development in corporate recruiting programs including Discover Card which focused on youth and minorities; developed diverse training seminars for corporations; created programs that provided scholarships for deserving, disadvan­taged students as well as building one of the finest film and television production studios (Salt Lake Studios) in the western U.S.A.

Holidays triggering Divorce

How to Pick a Good Divorce Lawyer?

Soila Sindiyo  Child Trauma Therapist  Founder of The Divorce Magazine
Soila Sindiyo
Parenting Therapist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine

Recently, a couple of mums and a dad at my daughter’s school separately asked if they could speak with me in confidence.

All three are going through divorce and are in the first stages of the divorce process.

All three needed to know if I could recommend  a divorce solicitor.

Their stories were different but two of them asked me the same question; “What makes a good divorce lawyer?”

This, I must say, is a very easy question to answer.

Firstly a good divorce lawyer is one who specialises in divorce law, preferably one who only works in this field.  If you have children, as each of the parents in this case had, I would go further and say find one that has great experience in divorce law where children are concerned.

A good divorce lawyer will not be one who fans the flames of your anger or even one who starts a fire where there is none.

When I was going through my divorce, I had a meeting with a lawyer who, in all honesty, remains the worst lawyer I have met in my life!  All she wanted was blood, despite my telling her that’s not what I wanted.  I only went to her because she was very local to me and I was thinking about the convenience.  I never did work with her.

Years later, I needed a notary, so returned to the same firm believing that my previous not-so-good experience was only due to the particular lawyer I had spoken to.  The person whom I spoke with over the phone was very condescending and patronising and they were going to charge me over £100 more than the other firms I spoke with.  I had heard all I needed.

Anyway, I digress.

A good divorce solicitor will know how to manage your feelings of vengeance and hurt.  They will not allow them to come into the picture in shape or form as that will only cause war between you and your soon-to-be-ex.

 

A good divorce solicitor will not mind you asking any questions that are important for you to get answers to, as “ridiculous” as some of them may be.  They will know and understand that the next few months are indeed going to determine how your life after divorce turns out and they will have a major role to play in it.

  • How long have you practiced family law?
  • Do you have past clients I can speak with?
  • What are your fees and what should I be aware off in terms of other (hidden) costs?
  • What do you think about family mediation?
  • What do I need to do to make the divorce process as smooth as possible?
  • What if I decided to change solicitors, what would that mean for me?

Finally, do trust your gut.  Always trust your gut.  Meet with at least 3 solicitors before making up your mind. Most solicitors offer an free consultation. Use it.

Good luck!

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the five-star-rated  online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

 

Getting A Divorce? Then Prepare Yourself for the Ride.

Soila Sindiyo Child Trauma Therapist and Founder of The Divorce Magazine
Soila Sindiyo
Child Trauma Therapist and Founder of The Divorce Magazine

If you and your partner have very recently decided to go your separate ways, the one thing I can tell you right now is that you will be all right. It may not seem like it but you will.

Having been through the process twice, I know that these next few weeks or months will be very likely shrouded in anger and hurt and accompanied by a seemingly bottomless bucket of resentment.

When getting a divorce, you will discover a side of you that you didn’t know existed such as your ability to be creative in how many ways you can hurt your ex emotionally and mentally and feel nothing.

If you’re not the one who initiated the divorce, you will find yourself a couple of steps behind your soon-to-be-ex-spouse in terms of accepting that the relationship is indeed over which will in turn hurt you or confuse you even more as you wonder, how come they are managing so well.

Well, the reason for that is that they have already done the processing while still married to you. There was a time they were where you are now.

You will do certain things believing deeply that they are in the best interest of the children like telling them that it’s really your partner’s fault that the family is breaking up and you would never do that to them.

You will discover what it means to have very long sleepless nights night after night, week after week, only to wake in the morning feeling not only exhausted but also even more determined to get your ex.

If you’re going through solicitors, you will at some point, confuse them for a therapist and pour your heart out to them not caring that you’re then, at that moment, paying them for a service they are not qualified to handle.

getting a divorce
Friends will fall away

If you have lived for months in denial that this day will come, accepting that it’s here, that it is what it is, feels impossible to do. You go through moments of thinking, “I’m sure I can rescue this,” only to realise that you can’t which immediately makes you jump back on the ever rotating wheel of very powerful negative emotions.

When it comes to the children, you swear that you will get full custody of them because suddenly, in the space of what seems like 24 hours, your soon-to-be ex has become the most incompetent parent you have ever seen! Even when someone explains to you that there is no such thing as full custody in the UK, you believe deeply that that is not fair and you will change the law if need be to “protect your children.”

When it comes to friends and relatives, you prefer to consult with the ones who will not only listen attentively to everything you say, but that they also back you up so much that they don’t realise that they are only fanning the flames of your anger, hurt and resentment. Who wants to speak with the objective, sensible ones?

This is war and you don’t have the time to be either logical, practical nor fair because as far as you’re concerned at this time, those are all characteristics of a loser.

Also watch how friends will fall away especially the ones whom you believed would be there for you. When this happens, don’t worry too much about it, you will deal with it later on down the line, for now, just know that they would have fallen away anyway at a later date in time divorce or not.

You’re probably beginning to think about all the meaningless sex you’re going to have with everyone and everybody because you haven’t had it for such a long time.

You begin to hope that the guy who works on second floor will finally ask you out because now you can say yes, skip dinner, coffee and straight to his.  Or you start planning how you will finally get to tell Susanna in Planning Department how much you’re hurting in the hope that she will take you home and look after you.

If you have recently decided to separate, you will be going through this and a whole other lot of emotions including fear, shock and a whole lot of loss of actual memory, which is quickly replaced by a whole lot of selective memory.

The next few weeks, months or even couple of years will not be easy but I promise you that you will get through this tunnel.

Divorce, unfortunately for some of us, is truly part of our life’s journey. You’re going through it now but it doesn’t need to define who you are just like being laid off work, which also brings on fear, shock and a sense of loss, doesn’t define who you are for the rest of your life.

You will find love again.

You will laugh again.

Your children will be fine again.

And your life will go on again.

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

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