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Family Court Leaves Children In Uncertainty For Nine Months
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Family Court Leaves Children In Uncertainty For Nine Months

Published on
Alison Bull
Alison Bull
Partner
Mills & Reeve LLP
Donna Morgan
Donna Morgan
Counsellor and Therapist
Donna Morgan Counselling
Jane Ingleby
Jane Ingleby
Partner
Mills & Reeve LLP

 

 

 

 

 

 

Private law family court cases took an average of nine months to conclude over the last two years, meaning children involved in proceedings are effectively spending the equivalent of a full school year or around six summer holidays in legal limbo, new analysis reveals.

The research, conducted by leading law firm Mills & Reeve, used Freedom of Information requests submitted to HM Courts and Tribunals Service (HMCTS) to obtain detailed data on private family court cases across 2024 and 2025, including case volumes, duration, hearing rates and regional variation.

Across private law, the family courts dealt with 44,494 cases in 2024, with an average duration of 41.8 weeks and 2.5 hearings per case. In the first half of 2025, there were 20,075 cases, with an average duration of 39.7 weeks and 2.4 hearings per case.

Commenting on the findings, Alison Bull, partner at Mills & Reeve, said: “It’s clear that too many families are still facing significant delays in the family courts, with cases routinely lasting around nine months. For children, that is not just a legal process on paper, it’s the equivalent of a full school year spent in uncertainty or around six summer holidays. Research shows that outcomes for children and young people can be negatively affected by ongoing parental disagreement and conflict, which can further feed into that uncertainty.

“While there are some signs of modest improvement in parts of the system, overall progress remains limited and uneven. The picture continues to point to sustained pressure on the family courts, with persistent delays and variability in outcomes across different types of cases and regions, indicating that underlying challenges in capacity and timeliness have not yet been fully addressed.”

These delays can prolong disputes and make it more difficult for families to move forward, leaving children without stability or certainty while arrangements remain unresolved. Donna Morgan, an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families, said:

“In my experience, it’s often the uncertainty surrounding separation and divorce that has the greatest emotional impact on children. Children are remarkably resilient when they feel safe, informed and supported. However, when decisions remain unresolved for extended periods, children can be left feeling anxious, confused and emotionally unsettled.

“Children rely on stability and predictability to feel secure. When they are unsure where they will live or when they will see each parent, many begin to worry about things they cannot control. What they need is reassurance, consistency and confidence that the adults around them are working to protect their wellbeing. This can make a significant difference to a child’s emotional health both during separation and in the years that follow.”

Across both years, the North West remained the highest region for hearings per private law family court case across both 2024 and 2025, recording an average of 2.8. Meanwhile, London recorded the lowest average hearings per case in 2024 at 2.3, while Wales recorded the lowest average in 2025 at 2.1.

As a result of these delays, family arbitrations in England and Wales have doubled since 2023, according to figures from the Institute of Family Law Arbitrators. This followed a rule change in 2024 requiring parties to consider alternative forms of dispute resolution before proceeding to court.

Family arbitration is a private process used to resolve financial and children arrangement disputes when couples separate, providing a binding decision without the need for court proceedings where agreement cannot be reached through mediation or negotiation. It can be used to resolve disputes concerning children as well as financial matters.

Jane Ingleby, partner at Mills & Reeve, added: “When court timetables are stretched, families often benefit from considering alternative routes to resolution. Solutions like family arbitration offer a private and structured way to resolve disputes about finances and children without the delays of court. 

“It allows parties to choose an experienced decision-maker, set more flexible timetables and reach binding outcomes more quickly, while maintaining confidentiality. For many separating couples, it can provide a more efficient and focused way of resolving issues at what is often a very difficult time.”

Donna has also shared five tips for parents supporting children through separation:  

  • Provide age-appropriate honesty: Children need truthful information that is appropriate for their age and level of understanding. 
  • Maintain routines wherever possible: Regular routines around school, activities, mealtimes and bedtime help children feel secure.
  • Keep children out of adult conflict: Children should never feel responsible for managing communication between parents or be asked to take sides. 
  • Encourage emotional expression: Create opportunities for children to talk, ask questions, draw, play, or express their emotions in ways that feel comfortable and natural to them. 
  • Offer frequent reassurance: Remind them that the separation is not their fault and that the adults around them are working together to keep them safe and cared for.

Read more articles by Mills & Reeves LLP.

About Alison Bull

Alison is a highly experienced family mediator, financial and children arbitrator, and lawyer. She is passionate about sorting things out without attending court if possible, and used to handling complex, conflictual situations in England & Wales and internationally. She focuses on the bigger picture and the best interests of children, and is an effective litigator when required. Alison helps clients to agree parenting plans, and with issues about property, businesses, trusts, pensions and international assets. As well as working with individuals, she has conducted many cases working with separating couples who want to reach agreement together in mediation or with the advice of one lawyer.

About Donna Morgan

Donna Morgan is an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families. She specialises in anxiety, trauma, family relationships, separation and emotional wellbeing. Drawing on a humanistic and trauma-informed approach, Donna helps parents and children navigate significant life transitions with greater emotional safety, resilience and understanding.

Alongside her private practice in Surrey, Donna has extensive experience working within educational settings and supporting families through periods of change, conflict and emotional challenge. Her work focuses on helping parents better understand their children’s emotional needs while building healthier communication and stronger family relationships during times of transition.

About Jane Ingleby

Jane is a highly experienced family law solicitor, with a particular focus on complex financial and children matters. Her practice includes high-conflict child arrangements, allegations of alienating behaviours and domestic abuse, UK and international relocation and surrogacy.

She is also highly skilled in advising on the financial aspects of separation, especially in cases involving businesses and trusts. In addition, Jane provides expert guidance on wealth protection, including pre- and post-nuptial agreements.

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Why Proposed Reforms are Vital to Financially Protect Cohabiting Couples
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Why Proposed Reforms are Vital to Financially Protect Cohabiting Couples

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Katie Jennings
Katie Jennings
Solicitor
Jones Myers

Jones Myers niche family law firm  has been at the forefront of ongoing campaigns to overhaul outdated cohabitation laws which currently do not give couples living together legal protection or rights if they split up.    

This is a far cry from the situation with married couples, who, on separation, are safeguarded in crucial areas such as savings, income, pensions, property, business interests, and their children’s future.

We therefore embrace proposals at the heart of a Government consultation which seeks to protect cohabitants who are parting ways in areas including financial remedies – and in situations when one of them dies without leaving a will.

As a specialist family law firm we are frequently instructed by clients – who have been cohabiting and are unmarried or in a civil partnership – and who are unaware that they have no automatic rights to their partner’s property or savings when their relationship breaks down.   

The current situation can cause even more uncertainly when there are children from the relationship. 

As we await the outcome of the proposed changes, we suggest that cohabitees in this situation  obtain advice about their protections under the law – ideally before they move in together – or at any stage of their cohabiting relationship. 

More couples are entering into Cohabitation Agreements which set out how financial matters within the relationship will be managed . The contracts are especially useful documents in circumstances where people already own assets in their sole names or have made purchases with contributions from parents or from inheritance. They provide an essential roadmap for them to follow should they split up.  

It is important that each party seeks independent legal advice and discloses all financial information in the lead up to signing the agreement, which should be reviewed regularly.

Entered into correctly, a cohabitation agreement is legally binding and can be used as the framework for a Prenuptial Agreement should marriage be on the cards. 

Jones Myers is committed to helping our clients navigate these issues, whether through our team of specialist family lawyers or through our experienced mediation practitioners. 

More on the Government consultation, which closes on August 14, can be found here.  

For queries on cohabitation agreements or any areas of divorce and family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce

Jones Myers blog is ranked 5th in the 20 Best UK Family Law Blogs to Follow in 2026.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Katie Jennings

Katie is a member of Jones Myers’ award-winning Divorce and Financial Remedies Department. A family law specialist skilled in litigation, Katie is also a family mediator currently working towards accreditation with the Family Mediation Council. 

Committed to reaching solutions which avoid going to court, Katie was drawn to Jones Myers’ standing as  a leading niche family law firm with a focus on resolving relationship breakdown through non-confrontational routes. Katie is based at the York city centre offices of Jones Myers at The Quadrant, Bootham Row.   

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Looking Beyond the Settlement: Why Financial Planning Matters Early in Divorce

Looking Beyond the Settlement: Why Financial Planning Matters Early in Divorce

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Damion Keyworth
Damion Keyworth
Financial Advisor
Perspective Financial Group Limited

Separation and divorce are among life’s biggest transitions. Alongside the emotional challenges come important decisions about your home, your finances and your future.

Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of helping many people navigate this journey. One thing I’ve seen time and again is that the earlier financial planning becomes part of the conversation, the more confidence people have in the decisions they make.

Many people understandably begin by speaking to a family solicitor. Legal advice is essential, but financial planning can add another valuable perspective by helping answer a simple question:

“Will the decisions I make today still work for me five, ten or twenty years from now?”

Looking Beyond the Numbers

A financial settlement may appear fair on paper, but that doesn’t always mean it will provide long-term financial security.

Two people may leave a marriage with assets of a similar value yet experience very different financial futures depending on their income, housing costs, pensions, tax position, childcare responsibilities and retirement plans.

This is where financial planning can make a real difference.

Rather than focusing solely on how assets are divided, we look at how those assets will support your life in the years ahead. Using cashflow forecasting, we can model different settlement options and explore what they might mean over the long term.

For example, it’s perfectly understandable that someone may wish to remain in the family home because it offers stability during an uncertain time. However, careful planning may show that maintaining the property could place pressure on future income or retirement plans. Equally, pension arrangements that seem reasonable today may have unintended consequences later in life.

Having this insight before decisions are finalised allows people to make informed choices with greater confidence.

Working Together for Better Outcomes

In my experience, the best outcomes happen when financial planning is introduced alongside legal advice rather than after most of the important decisions have already been made.

Family solicitors play a vital role in helping clients achieve a fair legal settlement. Mortgage advisers help assess borrowing options and affordability. Divorce coaches provide invaluable emotional support throughout what is often a very difficult period.

A financial planner brings these conversations together by considering how each decision affects your long-term financial wellbeing.

It’s not about replacing the expertise of other professionals. It’s about complementing it.

Bringing the Future into Focus

One of the most valuable tools available during divorce is cashflow forecasting.

Instead of focusing only on today’s assets, it allows you to see how your finances may develop over the next five, ten or even twenty years.

It can help answer questions such as:

  • Will my income be enough?
  • Can I realistically afford to keep my home?
  • When will my pensions become available?
  • How might inflation affect my future spending?
  • Will I have enough to enjoy the retirement I want?

Sometimes the analysis provides reassurance that a proposed settlement is sustainable. On other occasions, it highlights areas that may benefit from further discussion before agreements are finalised.

Either way, it gives people greater clarity at a time when certainty can feel in short supply.

A Collaborative Approach

One aspect of my work that I particularly enjoy is working alongside other professionals who support people through separation and divorce.

I regularly attend a local networking group where family solicitors, mortgage advisers, divorce coaches and other specialists come together to share knowledge and discuss how we can improve the experience for the people we all support.

Those conversations reinforce something I strongly believe: no single professional sees the whole picture.

When advisers work collaboratively, clients benefit from clearer communication, fewer unexpected issues and advice that considers both the immediate settlement and the life that follows.

After all, divorce isn’t simply a legal process. It’s the beginning of a new financial chapter.

About Damion Keyworth

I help people make confident, well-informed financial decisions so they can live the lifestyle they want — not just when they retire, but throughout life.

My approach:
• Listen carefully to your goals and priorities
• Clarify your current financial position
• Explore the lifestyle you have today and the one you want tomorrow
• Create a clear financial plan to bridge the gap
• Review regularly so the plan keeps working as life changes

“It’s not all about the money — it’s about lifestyle. Doing the things you want to do while you’re fit and healthy enough to do them.”

Only once we’ve understood your life and goals do we consider whether financial products are needed to support the plan.

I also specialise in financial planning around separation and divorce. Having written “Financial Planning & Divorce”, I understand how complex pensions, assets, and lifestyle choices become during this time.

My aim is to work collaboratively with solicitors, mediators, and other professionals to ensure clients make informed financial decisions at every stage of the process. If this is an area where you’d like support — whether as a client or a professional partner — please feel free to connect.

I’m a Pension/Retirement Specialist with over 20 years’ experience, a member of the CII, CISI and Resolution. Backed by Perspective Financial Group — one of the UK’s leading national financial planning and wealth management firms with 36 offices and 450+ staff — I bring both local understanding and national expertise.

You only get one life. Let’s make it count.

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Divorce is Rarely About Just One Thing
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Divorce is Rarely About Just One Thing

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Anthony Davis
Anthony Davis
Founder and Director
By Personal Touch

One of the most common misconceptions about divorce is that it is a single event. People often think of it as completing a form, obtaining a Final Order, and then moving on with life. In reality, those of us who work with separating couples every day know that divorce is rarely that simple. More often than not, the legal ending of a marriage is just one part of a much wider journey that affects finances, housing, children, future planning, and sometimes a person’s confidence in making decisions about the next chapter of their life. 

At By Personal Touch, we speak to hundreds of people every year who are at very different stages of that journey. Some contact us within days of a separation, feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to begin. Others have already spent months trying to resolve matters themselves and simply need help formalising an agreement. Some are facing court proceedings and need practical support to navigate a process they never imagined they would have to understand. What unites almost all of them is the feeling that they have been dropped into unfamiliar territory and are trying to make important life decisions without a map. 

It is often only when we begin talking through their circumstances that they realise divorce is not simply about obtaining a divorce. There are usually several important decisions that sit behind the legal process itself. Questions arise about the family home, pensions, savings, debts, arrangements for children, future inheritance planning, and the practical realities of building a new life after separation. Whilst every family’s circumstances are different, the same themes appear time and time again. 

Many couples who come to us have already managed to reach some form of agreement. They have had difficult conversations around the kitchen table, exchanged countless messages, and eventually found a way forward that feels fair to both of them. There is often a sense of relief when that point is reached. The conflict has reduced, communication has improved, and both individuals feel ready to move on. Yet one of the most important lessons we have learned over the years is that reaching an agreement is not necessarily the end of the process. In many ways, it is the beginning of ensuring that agreement is properly protected. 

A significant part of our work involves helping couples formalise financial settlements through Financial Consent Orders. Whilst this may sound like a technical legal process, the reality is that it is often about providing certainty. People who have worked hard to negotiate a settlement want reassurance that the agreement they have reached will stand the test of time. They want confidence that future financial claims have been properly addressed and that both parties can move forward without the fear of unexpected disputes years down the line. The value of that certainty should never be underestimated. Divorce is emotionally exhausting enough without leaving important financial matters unresolved. 

What often surprises people is that many of the most successful outcomes do not originate in a courtroom. They begin with a conversation. Mediation has become an increasingly important part of helping families navigate separation because it provides a structured environment in which people can discuss difficult issues constructively. There is a common misconception that mediation is only suitable for couples who get along well. In practice, we often see the opposite. Some individuals arrive frustrated, hurt, and convinced that agreement is impossible. Yet when provided with the right environment and support, many are able to have conversations that simply were not possible around the kitchen table. 

The reason mediation can be so effective is that it encourages people to focus on solutions rather than positions. Instead of concentrating on who is right and who is wrong, the discussion shifts towards what arrangements are needed for the future. This can be particularly valuable where children are involved. Whilst the marriage may have come to an end, the responsibilities of parenting continue long after the legal process is complete. Creating a framework for constructive communication can often prove more valuable than any court order. 

Of course, not every case can be resolved through agreement alone. There are situations where communication has broken down completely, where important financial information has not been disclosed, or where significant disputes exist regarding children or finances. When matters progress to court, many people find themselves entering a world that feels intimidating and confusing. The family justice system has its own procedures, language, expectations, and deadlines. For someone who has never previously been involved in legal proceedings, the experience can feel overwhelming. 

This is where practical litigation support becomes so important. One of the most rewarding aspects of our work is helping people understand the process they are facing. Fear often stems from uncertainty. When individuals understand what documents are required, what a hearing is likely to involve, and what steps come next, they are usually able to approach proceedings with far greater confidence. Whilst nobody chooses to find themselves involved in litigation, having guidance and support can make the experience significantly less daunting. 

Yet even once financial settlements have been agreed, mediation concluded, and court proceedings finalised, another stage of the journey often remains. Separation frequently creates significant changes in a person’s financial and personal circumstances. A family home may need to be sold or transferred. A new property may be purchased. Existing Wills may no longer reflect an individual’s wishes. Beneficiaries may need to be reconsidered, and future plans properly documented. 

It is remarkable how often people devote months to resolving their divorce but overlook the practical steps needed to protect their future afterwards. Updating a Will, reviewing ownership arrangements, and ensuring that property matters are dealt with correctly are all part of creating long-term security. These decisions may not carry the same emotional weight as the separation itself, but they are often just as important in helping people move forward with confidence. 

Over the years, what has become increasingly clear is that successful separations are rarely defined by a single document or a single court order. They are defined by whether people feel able to move forward with clarity and certainty about the future. The legal process is important, but it is only one element of a much bigger picture. Financial security, effective communication, practical support, and future planning all play a role in helping families transition from one chapter of life to the next. 

Every person who contacts By Personal Touch has their own story. Their circumstances, concerns, and priorities are unique. However, beneath those individual stories lies a common objective. They want reassurance that they are making the right decisions. They want to understand their options. Most importantly, they want to know that there is a pathway through what can often feel like one of the most challenging periods of their lives. 

Divorce marks the end of a relationship, but it should also provide the opportunity for a new beginning. When the right support is available, people are able to make informed decisions, protect what matters most to them, and build a solid foundation for the future. That is why we believe divorce is never simply about obtaining a divorce. It is about helping people navigate every stage of the journey, from reaching agreement and formalising settlements, through to resolving disputes, planning for the future, and ultimately moving forward with confidence. 

About Anthony Davis

Anthony Davis is the Founder and Director of By Personal Touch, a leading UK-based divorce support service helping separating couples navigate financial settlements, mediation, litigation support, and future planning. With a background in family law and dispute resolution, Anthony has assisted hundreds of individuals through some of life’s most challenging transitions, focusing on practical, affordable, and accessible solutions. He is passionate about helping people understand their options, avoid costly mistakes, and move forward with confidence following separation. 

For more information, visit www.bypersonaltouch.com.

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When Court is the Only Solution in Divorce
A guide to when court may be the only solution in divorce, including the process, risks, and key considerations.
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When Court is the Only Solution in Divorce

Published on
Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

As a niche family law firm which champions a non-confrontational approach to divorce, Jones Myers always strives to offer our clients alternative options to a court divorce such as mediation or collaborative family practice. 

Clients undergoing divorce are at a crossroads of their lives and do not take such an enormous decision lightly. It presents numerous emotional, financial and practical challenges, even where both agree the relationship is over.  

While our experienced family law experts do everything we can to help them to choose the right path for their circumstances, sometimes going to court is the only viable option. I explain in more detail below.     

In what circumstances do couples choose a court divorce? 

This largely depends on the advice they receive. Whilst most lawyers will explain all the Non Court Dispute Resolution (NCDR) options to clients, some, who may perhaps have less or no experience in this area, are more inclined to recommend court applications.  

The court process has its place. A Judge can compel the production of financial information, ultimately, though rarely, by sending someone guilty of non-disclosure to prison. The court can also order third parties, such as accountants and other advisers who hold information relevant to the case, to provide information. 

In extreme cases – in particular where there is a lack of engagement in the process – a court can make orders without engaging with one of the couple. 

What is involved in a court process?

Before an application can be made to the court for a Financial Order – which sets out how the financial assets of separating couples will be divided – an application must have been made for a divorce or dissolution of a Civil Partnership. The various steps required can be found here.

Before applying for a Financial Order or a Child Arrangements Order – a court order court  setting out the living arrangements of a child or children involved in the divorce – the person proposing to make the application must either attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) or be eligible for one of a small number of exemptions.

The MIAM assesses whether mediation is an option for the separating couple. A financial application starts with the exchange of full financial disclosure which is then followed by a series of up to three main court hearings.   

What are the advantages of a court process? 

Court applications are often started because one of the couple refuses to engage. Only a Judge can compel someone to produce documents or make orders in the absence of co-operation.

The court’s role is to encourage couples to make agreed decisions about their finances and children. However, some couples, for a variety of reasons, are simply unable to reach agreement and need someone to make that decision for them.  In default of agreement, the court can impose binding decisions on them. 

…and the disadvantages?

In court proceedings couples run the risk that they will lose control of decisions which will affect them for years to come. They may well not agree with what the court imposes but in reality will find it difficult to do anything about it – appeals are rare and costly. 

There is no guaranteed privacy in a court divorce – journalists can obtain permission to report in family law courts on cases involving finances and/or children’s wellbeing and future.   

Couples are appointed a judge, who is unknown to them, and who potentially makes vital decisions on key issues about their future. Continuity is not assured, with different judges often involved at different stages of the proceedings.  

Court hearings can be costly, stressful and time consuming. They heighten conflict between the couple which inevitably has a negative impact on their children and wider family.  

The duration of a court divorce can vary significantly from a few months to years if the issues are  contested. The court system is under strain and there is always the risk that a hearing may be cancelled or put off if there is insufficient court time or no available Judge. 

Court orders, whether made by agreement or imposed by a Judge, are legally binding and enforceable.  Negotiated agreements are easily converted into court orders without the need for any hearings. 

What are the first steps for those in this situation to take?   

Knowing where to start on this path can seem overwhelming. Whichever route you take, it is vital to secure the best possible legal advice from highly experienced family law professionals like Jones Myers who are members of family law group Resolution and have a strong track record in their respective fields.  

In circumstances when going to court is a client’s only viable option, Jones Myers is highly experienced in litigating in all court arenas from the Magistrate’s Court through to The Supreme Court.

Our legal experts are dedicated to safeguarding our clients’ best interests throughout the process, taking into careful consideration their immediate and long-term needs – and helping them to face the future with confidence.

For queries on divorce and family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

About Nicki Mitchell

With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements. 

A skilled Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk  01904 202553, www.jonesmyers.co.uk 

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Should I Use AI to Navigate My Divorce?

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Emma Alfieri - Co-Parenting
Emma Alfieri
Legal Director
Greene & Greene Solicitors

Why AI Feels like the obvious answer

Artificial intelligence has, in a remarkably short space of time, become the first place many people turn when they need answers. Whether it is planning a holiday, drafting an email or understanding a complex topic, AI tools promise quick, confident responses at a click of a button, wherever you are.

It is therefore unsurprising that people facing separation or divorce are increasingly using AI to seek legal guidance. When emotions are high and costs are a concern, instant answers can appear to be an attractive alternative to seeking professional advice. However, when it comes to divorce and family law, relying on AI can quietly expose you to significant risk.

Why AI struggles with UK family law

One of the greatest dangers of AI is how convincing it can sound. Responses are often detailed, well-structured and expressed with confidence. However, confidence does not equal accuracy. AI responses are known to consistently contain inaccurate information.

Crucially, AI tools are not designed with the English legal system in mind. Most widely used platforms are developed in the United States and trained largely on American legal data. Although English and US family law both deal with issues such as divorce, finances and children, they differ significantly in structure, legal principles and outcomes.

Divorce law in England and Wales is highly discretionary and fact specific. AI guidance shaped by US assumptions can therefore be fundamentally unsuited – and potentially misleading – for English divorcing couples.

Increased cost and delay

Many people turn to AI in the hope of saving money. In reality, relying on incorrect or generic guidance can have the opposite effect. It can lead to:

  • Issuing the wrong type of application.
  • Failing to take appropriate steps before going to court.
  • Submitting poorly prepared documentation.

All of which a Judge is unlikely to look favourably upon. Ultimately when a solicitor is later instructed to correct these issues, the result is often increased costs, avoidable delay and added emotional strain. Early professional advice can prevent these problems arising, rather than having to repair the damage further down the line.

Where AI can be relied on

AI can be and is, an extremely helpful tool when used within appropriate limits. It can assist with explaining legal terminology, providing a general overview of the process and helping individuals frame questions before seeking advice.

However, it should be used as an information aid only. AI cannot access your individual circumstances, manage risk, or guide decisions that will shape your future.  It is important to be aware of AI’s inherent limitations – including its tendency to agree rather than challenge. AI is designed to be helpful and affirmative; it will not tell you your expectations are unrealistic or when a proposed course of action carries risk. In family law, that lack of challenge carries substantial risk.

Why a human approach matters for your family’s future

Divorce is not just a legal process; it could shape your future and that of your family. No two cases are the same and each requires careful consideration in context with the circumstances.

Divorce requires judgement, strategy and empathy – not just access to information. The human understanding and empathy are qualities AI simply cannot replicate.

A family solicitor provides personalised advice, based on the individual circumstances, practical support and the benefit of dealing with this area of law every day, all within a confidential and regulated framework.

If you are navigating a divorce or family law issues, whilst AI can be useful to gather information, it should not solely be relied on.

Seeking tailored guidance can help protect your position and ensure you are navigating the process in the appropriate way.

This is only intended to be a summary and not specific legal advice.

About Emma Alfieri

Emma Alfieri is a Legal Director at Suffolk firm Greene & Greene Solicitors.

Emma advises on all aspects of family law, including divorce and associated financial matters, disputes between cohabitants and child related disputes.

A member of Resolution, Emma is committed to resolving disputes as positively and agreeably as possible whilst also being motivated to obtain the best possible outcome for her clients.

Since 2012 Emma has been consistently recommended by the Legal 500 on an annual basis and in the most recent 2024 edition Emma is ranked as a “rising star”.

As an advocate of fault free divorce, Emma lobbied at Parliament with other members of Resolution in 2016 to bring about the recent changes to divorce law.

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Pre-nuptial vs. Post-nuptial Agreements: Which One Do You Need?
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Pre-nuptial vs. Post-nuptial Agreements: Which One Do You Need?

Published on
Kaylee Justham
Kaylee Justham
Solicitor
Rainer Hughes

When approaching a milestone event such as a marriage or civil partnership, it is always a good time to reassess your financial position and put plans in place to protect yourself. This is particularly important if there is an imbalance in wealth between the two partners, such as one partner having business assets or a large inheritance. It is natural for that partner to wish to preserve or retain the wealth they have already accumulated, in the event of a future divorce or dissolution, particularly where there are children involved whose future needs are required to be considered. On the other hand, it is also sensible to plan ahead and determine how financial settlements should be arranged, in the event of a relationship breakdown, and this peace of mind is what a pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreement provides. 

Pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreements have previously been the domain of high-profile people and couples involved in a high net worth divorce or partnership dissolution, but they have become increasingly popular as people take sensible steps to avoid costly litigation in the event of a relationship breakdown, and at an already stressful time. 

What is a pre-nuptial agreement?

A pre-nuptial agreement is a formal agreement that a couple enter into prior to a marriage or a civil partnership. The agreement sets out how assets and financial arrangements will be divided in the event of the relationship ending, and therefore predetermines a financial settlement. This removes stress, provides clarity and avoids disputes which could result in costly court proceedings. A partner can use a pre-nuptial agreement to protect assets they have already accumulated from future claims, which UK laws might otherwise dictate are shared with the other partner. 

What is a post-nuptial agreement?

A post-nuptial agreement is very similar to a pre-nuptial agreement in terms of its contents and purpose, but this is an agreement entered into by two partners who are already married, or who are already in a civil partnership. A post-nuptial agreement also defines how assets and financial arrangements will be divided in the event of a relationship ending.  

The key differences between pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreements

It is common for people to come to a decision that they wish to protect their own financial assets, and to provide clarity on how this is done, but this decision can be made at different times. Of course, these arrangements can be made before or after a wedding or civil partnership ceremony and therefore can be a pre- or post-nuptial agreement accordingly. However, there are other important differences in each arrangement which could suit certain people at certain times. 

  • Separation before divorce – A post-nuptial agreement can be useful in a scenario where a couple wish to separate, but have not yet decided that divorce or dissolution is the right conclusion. This could be due to various circumstances, including financial circumstances. In this event, a post-nuptial agreement acts as a holding position to define the current agreement, until such a time that a divorce or dissolution is decided upon and agreed to be the next course of action.  
  • Wealth accumulated during a marriage/civil partnership – It is also common for one partner to come into significant wealth during a marriage or civil partnership. This could be an inheritance, or through the sale of a business or a property owned prior to the marriage or civil partnership, for example. In this case, wealth protection is very important, and a post-nuptial agreement can clarify how this new wealth should be divided in the future.  
  • Condition – Although it is not considered a particularly romantic gesture and is considered by some to be putting a negative slant on an impending marriage or civil partnership, one partner may insist on a pre-nuptial agreement being put in place prior to the relationship becoming formal, and hence this becomes a condition that may even prevent the marriage or civil partnership going ahead. At the same time, it should be stressed that both partners have to enter into a pre- or post-nuptial agreement willingly and without pressure or duress, for it to be enforceable. 

The key difference is that a post-nuptial agreement can protect a partner in the event that circumstances change during a marriage or civil partnership, and these circumstances weren’t known prior to the marriage or civil partnership.  

What should pre- nuptial and post-nuptial agreements contain?

Common inclusions in a pre- or post-nuptial agreement are:

  • Property – Whether marital or non-marital
  • Bank accounts – Protecting individual income and savings and dividing joint accounts
  • Debts – Again, whether marital or non-marital
  • Maintenance – Arrangements for funding childcare 
  • Pensions – How these will be divided
  • Inheritance – Whether to keep separate and/or pass down to children
  • Valuable property – How items such as jewellery, artwork or valuable furniture is divided
  • Business interests – Dividing business assets and restricting sale or transfer if applicable

A pre- or post-nuptial agreement wouldn’t normally predetermine child arrangements, as these can change over time. It also wouldn’t include personal issues, such as clauses relating to lifestyle choices, household responsibilities or social media usage. 

What considerations should you make when preparing a pre- or post-nuptial agreement? 

A pre- or post-nuptial agreement is not yet a legally binding agreement in the UK, but they are usually given significant weighting by the courts in the event that certain conditions are met. These can include:

  • A pre-nuptial agreement should be entered into at least 28 days prior to a marriage or civil partnership, to avoid accusations that undue pressure or coercion was involved.
  • There should be full financial disclosure from both parties. 
  • Both partners were provided with independent legal and financial advice prior to formalising the agreement. 
  • The agreement is fair and reasonable for both parties and also prioritises the needs of any children involved in the relationship. 

Although a pre- or post-nuptial agreement requires both partners to look into the future and assess the likelihood of certain things happening, and many people might not like to do that, such agreements can provide an element of trust and peace of mind and prevents the possibility of disputes in the future. Ultimately, this can help to make the divorce, separation and dissolution process amicable and much less emotional.

About Kaylee Justham

Kaylee Justham joined Rainer Hughes Solicitors August 2023 as a Solicitor in the Family Department. Kaylee has over 10 years’ experience working in Family Law, starting off as a paralegal and Trainee Solicitor in which she qualified as a Solicitor in May 2018. Kaylee provides a wide range of services to her clients to include all aspects of family matters to include; matrimonial matters, cohabitation disputes and private children matters. Kaylee also has experience with drafting Wills, Legal Power of Attorneys and Deeds of Trusts.

Kaylee regularly represents her clients in Court and prides herself on her friendly, approachable, direct and forward-thinking manner. Kaylee understands the needs of her clients and strives to act in their best interests in helping them to achieve the best possible results.

Kaylee is considered an extremely safe pair of hands and is dedicated to listening to her clients and aiming to make the process as stress free as possible.

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Why TOLATA is a Necessary Safety Net for Modern Relationships
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Why TOLATA is a Necessary Safety Net for Modern Relationships

Published on
Gary Hall
Gary Hall
Litigation Solicitor
Clough & Willis

When relationships end, property disputes have a way of cutting deeper than just financial loss; they strike at security, fairness, and dignity. For unmarried couples, this reality is especially stark. Unlike divorcing spouses, who benefit from a robust framework under family law, cohabiting partners are left to navigate the cold, often unforgiving provisions of the Trust of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996 (TOLATA).

TOLATA was designed to provide clarity but in practice it often highlights just how outdated our legal approach to modern relationships really is. Cohabitation is now one of the most common living arrangements in the UK, yet the law continues to treat these partners as legal strangers once the romance fades.

On the surface, the Act gives people a route: apply to the Land Registry, unearth dusty transfer documents (TR1/TP1), argue about whether property was held as Joint Tenants or Tenants in Common, and if no agreement can be found then let the courts decide. There is logic here, yes, but also an uncomfortable rigidity. The law presumes fairness based on technical ownership structures, rather than lived reality. Did you pay the mortgage single-handedly after your partner moved out? Did you invest in renovations to increase the property’s value? TOLATA can, through equitable accounting, adjust the balance but this is not guaranteed, and the process is far from simple.

And then there’s the elephant in the room: cost. While mediation is encouraged, the truth is that many disputes end up in court. Formal proceedings mean solicitors’ fees, valuations, mortgage statements, and the stress of disclosure. For ordinary people, this can feel like justice is accessible only if you can afford it.

In my view, the Act functions as a necessary safety net, but it is not a true reflection of the way we live today. The fact that someone can share years of their life, pour money into a shared home, and still walk away empty-handed because their name isn’t on the title deed is not just a legal technicality, it’s an injustice.

It’s time to ask whether we need more than TOLATA. Shouldn’t the law recognise the reality of cohabitation more fairly, without forcing people to piece together claims from constructive trusts and equitable accounting? Relationships may end, but fairness should not.

Until reform comes, TOLATA remains both a lifeline and a warning: if you live together but remain unmarried, your legal rights are fragile, and you must take steps like signing a Declaration of Trust before love clouds the paperwork.

About Gary Hall

Gary joined Clough & Willis in January 2025. He brings with him over 28 years experience working as a solicitor and previously as a Director at Rothwell and Evans solicitors. He has also headed up teams as Head of Litigation Wills and Probate.

His areas of work include:

  • Wills, Trust & Probate Litigation
  • Company & Partnership Law including Shareholder, director and partnership disputes.
  • Contract Disputes – Disputes arising from commercial contracts and between private individuals from what may appear a relative small sum to the multi-million pound claim
  • Property Disputes including landlord & tenant, boundary disputes, possessory title and rights of way.
  • General Litigation –Insolvency, Bankruptcy and Winding Up
  • Applications under the Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996.

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What to Expect in the Early Stages of Divorce
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What to Expect in the Early Stages of Divorce

Published on
Chris Sweetman
Chris Sweetman
Editor at The Divorce Magazine
Director at Fair Result

Sponsored post by Fair Result.

The Team at Fair Result Provide Clear Guidance and Reassurance for Those Taking the First Steps

Divorce is often viewed as a daunting and overwhelming process, filled with uncertainty and emotional ups and downs. If you are considering separation or have just begun thinking about divorce, understanding what to expect in the early stages can help reduce anxiety and put you on a path towards a fair and practical resolution. At Fair Result, we’re committed to providing fixed-fee legal support, guiding you through each step with clarity and reassurance.

Demystifying Divorce and Our Supportive Role

The idea of divorce can conjure images of lengthy court battles, spiralling costs, and emotional turmoil. The process is often much more straightforward, especially with the right guidance and support. Fair Result is here to help you navigate the early stages with confidence, offering practical advice and transparent, fixed-fee services so you know exactly where you stand.

Initial Considerations: Laying the Groundwork

Before starting the formal process, it’s wise to take some practical steps that will make things smoother later on:

  • Gather Financial Documents: Begin collecting information on your income, savings, debts, pensions, and assets. Having these documents to hand will help your legal advisor give you accurate guidance and ensure a fair division of finances.
  • Plan Childcare and Living Arrangements: Consider where you and your children will live and how childcare will be organised. Early, open conversations about these arrangements can prevent misunderstandings and help maintain stability for everyone involved.
  • Think About Your Priorities: Reflect on what matters most to you, whether it’s minimising disruption for your children, securing your financial future, or achieving an amicable outcome. Being clear on your goals will help your solicitor support you effectively.

Starting the Divorce Process: Filing, Paperwork, and Timelines

Once you’re ready to proceed, the formal divorce process begins with filing a divorce application (sometimes called a petition/application) on the government’s online Divorce Portal. Here’s what to expect:

  • Filing the Application: You can apply online or by post. The application asks for basic details about your marriage and the reasons for divorce, now simplified under “no-fault” divorce rules.
  • Serving Papers: After filing online, your spouse will receive the application and has a set time to respond. This is a straightforward step and does not automatically mean a court appearance is necessary. It is only when your spouse is being difficult and refusing to accept online service of the application that you need process servers to physically serve the application.
  • Timelines: There is a mandatory waiting period (the “cooling off” period) before the conditional order can be granted, designed to give both parties time to reflect. The entire process can takes a minimum of 20 weeks as set out in legislation, but much depends on how quickly agreements are reached about finances and children. Do not apply for the Final Order on divorce until all financial and child arrangements have been agreed upon and set out in a consent order.
  • Paperwork: Most of the paperwork is standardised and can be completed with your solicitor’s help, ensuring nothing is missed and that your interests are protected.

Communication and Mindset: Legal Advice and Staying Calm

One of the best things you can do early on is to seek legal advice from a specialist. An experienced solicitor will explain your rights and options in plain English, helping you make informed decisions from the outset. At Fair Result, we believe a calm, practical mindset is invaluable. Try to approach discussions with your spouse about children, money, or living arrangements constructively. Remember, most issues can be resolved without confrontation, especially when both sides are informed and supported.

Fixed-Fee Support: Predictable Costs in Stressful Times

Uncertainty about legal fees can add to the stress of divorce. That’s why Fair Result offers fixed-fee packages, so you always know what to expect. With a clear price from the start, you can focus on what matters most, your family and your future, without worrying about spiralling costs or unpleasant surprises. Fixed-fee support gives you peace of mind and helps you stay in control at every stage.

Common Misconceptions: Busting Divorce Myths

Many people fear that divorce inevitably means a bitter court battle, but this is rarely the case. Most divorces are settled amicably through negotiation and agreement, without ever stepping foot in a courtroom. Other myths such as one partner always “winning” or the process dragging on for years are simply not true. With professional advice and a willingness to communicate, most couples can reach a fair settlement efficiently and respectfully.

Emotional and Practical Realities: Setting Expectations

There’s no denying that divorce brings emotional challenges, from sadness and frustration to relief and hope. It’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions, and seeking support from friends, family, or professional counsellors can be invaluable. On the practical side, be prepared for some changes to your daily routines, finances, and living arrangements. With the right support and a clear plan, these adjustments become far more manageable, helping you move forward with confidence.

Take the First Step with Fair Result

Starting divorce proceedings can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to face it alone. By taking practical steps, seeking early advice, and choosing a fixed-fee partner like Fair Result, you can reduce uncertainty and make informed choices for your future. If you’re considering divorce or have questions about the process, contact Fair Result today for clear, supportive, and cost-effective guidance tailored to your needs. We’re here to help you achieve a fair result, every step of the way.

Get in Touch

Call us at 07 500 933 818 or 0333 577 7009

Email peter@fair-result.co.uk or chris@fair-result.co.uk

Read more articles by Chris Sweetman.

About Chris Sweetman

Chris Sweetman is an independent family solicitor and director of Fair Result – An award-winning law office who pride themselves on using innovative ways to help clients through the stress and complications of a marriage breakdown.

Chris can be contacted on 07500933818 or via email chris@fair-result.co.uk.

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Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You
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Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You

Published on
Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

As an experienced Family Law Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer with extensive expertise in litigation, I understand the challenges facing separating couples in finding the right way to divorce for their individual circumstances.

The trepidation of a prolonged, costly and stressful court divorce is prompting an increasing number of  couples to seek out routes such as mediation and collaborative family law which avoid going to court. 

Another option is arbitration where separating couples hire a ‘private judge’ to accelerate the outcome of their financial settlements. 

Known as Alternative Dispute Resolution – because they provide alternatives to litigating in court – these three options put children’s best interests first. They also promote a spirit of spirit of collaboration for spouses and parents to achieve the best solutions.  

I hope the insights below will help you to decide which is best for your unique situation.   

What is mediation?

Mediation is a means of resolving family disputes constructively. It enables you to keep  control over  decisions which will  affect the future of you and your family.  In  the court process you hand those decisions over to a judge, who does not know you or your family and knows nothing about what is important to you. Mediation is appropriate for most situations including the most financially complex. 

Who is involved in mediation?

The private and confidential process takes place in a safe, impartial environment and involves a mediator like me, an independent third party who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement over key areas.  At the outset both of you sign an Agreement to Mediate so negotiations can continue on a ‘without prejudice’ basis. 

The number of discussions/sessions varies for each couple depending upon the complexity of the split. As a facilitator, the mediator assists, guides, and helps you to move dialogue forward.  

Many mediators, myself included, are lawyers and can provide extremely useful information about the law to inform your decisions. 

Whether or not they are legally qualified, mediators will recommend that you each  retain  your own solicitor who can provide specific legal advice where required during the process.

What does success in mediation look like?

A successful outcome in mediation can mean many things.  Many couples choose the mediation process to get to an agreement which is formalised in a binding Court Order. 

Often called a Final Order, this is a legal document which officially terminates your marriage without you having to go to court.  However, mediation has many other advantages, including developing a new way of communicating as separated parents. 

Is mediation compulsory?

No. Mediation is a voluntary process. You may have read about a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) meeting, usually relating to cases involving finances or children, which all divorcing couples are expected to attend before court proceedings are issued. 

These meetings are designed to inform  you both about alternative resolution schemes and to establish if the circumstances are suitable for mediation.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Mediation can result in a swifter resolution, reducing legal expenses which mount up in prolonged court cases between warring couples. Highly confidential, it is a more impartial and considered approach and can lessen the emotional impact of separation and divorce on children. 

What happens if mediation fails? 

Due to its voluntary nature, talks can be concluded at any time if headway is not made. However, there are many ways in which the process can be adapted to get over sticky issues and avoid failure.  

There is an increasing trend towards lawyers being present in mediation sessions to provide technical advice and support during the process, in particular where there are complex legal issues.  

Alternatively, disputed legal points can be determined by bringing in a neutral lawyer to give a view or even an arbitrator to give a binding decision on a particular issue.  All of this can be done in the context of mediation.

What is collaborative family practice?

In collaborative family practice separating couples make a commitment to avoid the court route and to work together with specially trained lawyers to make their own decisions about the future. 

Like mediation, it champions a spirit of collaboration and compromise, is entirely confidential – and puts children’s needs at the heart of discussions.   

How does it work – and who is involved?

You and your ex each appoint your own collaboratively trained lawyer and undertake a series of meetings where you all work together to identify, address and resolve financial, parenting and other key issues.   

Collaborative family lawyers  provide support and legal advice throughout the sessions. Accountants, independent financial advisers, pensions advisers and/or childcare specialists can also attend and provide guidance on a neutral basis. You have as many or as few meetings as are necessary to resolve the issues between you.  

At the outset you, your collaborative lawyers and other specialists involved, sign a Participation Agreement that commits all of you to strive to reach resolutions without going to court. 

The agreement  prevents your collaborative lawyers from representing you in court if the collaborative process fails, ensuring everyone is wholly bought into making the process work.    

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Like mediation, collaborative family  practice puts you and your ex in the driving seat so you can progress the sessions at your own pace, working around your respective work and family commitments. 

Faster, less stressful and more cost effective than going to court, it ensures that everyone involved is committed to achieving a solution. In times where transparency is encouraged in the family courts and journalists can attend hearings, collaborative practice guarantees your family’s privacy.

What happens if a successful outcome is reached? 

Once an agreement is reached, your lawyers will put it into effect, obtaining a formally binding Court Order without you having to go to court. 

What if talks break down?

At any time during the sessions either of you can terminate the process through a Formal Notice of Withdrawal if you feel no headway is being made. Again, as in mediation, failure can be avoided with the right support, including where necessary, an early neutral evaluation or arbitration on disputed legal issues. 

What is the difference between mediation and collaborative family practice?

In mediation, family mediators are neutral – they cannot give advice to either party as their role is  to facilitate discussions.

This differs from collaborative family lawyers who can advise those they represent at the same time as conducting the negotiations. As highlighted above, collaborative lawyers sign up to an agreement not to go to court, which provides a positive investment in the process for the whole team.  

What is arbitration?

Arbitration is a private court hearing where divorcing couples take on a ‘private judge’, officially known as an arbitrator, to achieve a resolution to their financial settlements.  

How does it work?

Like mediation and collaborative family practice, this option, also conducted in a safe and confidential environment, can avoid a prolonged, expensive and, potentially, public court hearing.  

Similar to a judge, the arbitrator hears evidence from both of you, collects relevant facts and bases their decision on the evidence, considering the views of you both.  

The arbitrator then makes an Award over who should have what which is final and binding.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Divorcing couples have the same arbitrator through the process, something which  rarely happens at court where different Judges are involved at different stages of the proceedings.

Quicker, confidential and more flexible than a court option, there is a substantial cost saving when delays are avoided. Divorcing couples set and agree their own timetable at the outset. 

If an arbitrator is to be used, this is something which must be agreed. There is no power to compel anyone to arbitrate. Also, arbitrators have no power to secure disclosure from third parties such as accountants or financial advisors or instruct them to present evidence at meetings.      

Can couples involved in a court divorce opt for arbitration?

Yes. Court rules give judges the power to halt court proceedings to give you both the opportunity to resolve the dispute through arbitration or indeed any other form of NCDR.

In what circumstances do couples choose a court divorce?

This largely depends on the advice which couples receive. Whilst most lawyers will explain all the dispute resolution options to clients, some, who may perhaps have less or no experience of NCDR, are more inclined to recommend court applications.  

The court process has its place. A Judge has the power to compel the production of financial information, ultimately by sending someone guilty of non-disclosure to prison. The court can also order third parties who hold information relevant to the case, for example accountants and other advisers, to provide information. In extreme cases a court can make orders without any engagement from one of the parties. 

What does a court process entail?

Before an application can be made to the court for a Financial Order an application must have been made for a divorce or dissolution of a Civil Partnership.  The various steps required to get a divorce can be found on the Government website.

As outlined above, before a court application can be made for a financial or children order, every divorcing couple must also  attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting

A financial application will involve the exchange of full financial disclosure followed by a series of up to three main court hearings.   

What are the pros and cons of a court process?

The role of the court is to encourage parties to make agreed decisions about their finances and children and, in default of agreement, to make binding decisions for them 

Court orders, whether made by agreement or imposed by a Judge, are legally binding and enforceable. 

There is no privacy in a court divorce, where the proceedings are open. Since 2023 journalists have been able to report in family law courts on cases which include the wellbeing and future of children whose parents are divorcing.  

Couples are appointed a judge, who is unknown to them, and who makes vital decisions on key issues about their future.  Continuity is not assured with different judges often involved in the proceedings.  

Court hearings can be costly, stressful and time consuming. They can heighten conflict between the couple and run the risk of a case being adjourned or unfinished due to pressure on court time or a judge becoming unavailable.

The duration of a court divorce can vary significantly from a few months to years if the divorce is contested. 

The breakdown of a marriage invariably leaves those involved emotionally and physically drained and few couples take the decision to separate and divorce lightly

Knowing where to start on this critical path, which will impact on the future of all involved and affect the wellbeing of children involved, can seem overwhelming.  

Whichever route you take when embarking on divorce, it is critical that you secure the best possible legal advice.

I cannot emphasise enough the importance of working with highly experienced family law professionals like Jones Myers who are members of family law group Resolution and have a strong track record in their respective fields.   

Because we understand that every case is different, our family law experts, who are leaders in their field, deliver a bespoke service, outlining options and offering legal and practical advice at every stage to help them make informed decisions.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Nicki Mitchell

With over three decades of experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk

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Our Relationship is Over: What Do I Do Now?
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Our Relationship is Over: What Do I Do Now?

Published on
James Pirrie
James Pirrie
Director at
Family Law in Partnership

Let’s not sugar coat it, this question “what do I do now?” (at the moment you know you will separate) is the single most important question you will answer in this whole chapter of your life. There will be a lot of other questions that you will be coming to, but get this one right and you should be able to avoid the unreasonable positioning and exhausting demands of a slow process that will cost eye-watering amounts, to achieve to your best possible outcome.  

Here are my ten top tips from helping clients through this part of their lives for the past forty-something years.

1. Ensure you are safe 

Ensure your safety and the safety of your children.  If there is a risk to this then it will dictate how you address the rest of these tips.

Safety at the end of a relationship is a whole topic on its own and planning for it will depend on your situation.  In controlling relationships, it is likely that a whole range of strategies will have been put in place around you by your prospective ex, with the intention of making it impossible for you to go.  The single most important thing is to reach the realisation that yes you are going to leave – it is then about getting the support to manage your way out of the maze. If you need help to leave safely, there are amazing organisations that can help you manage a safe exit.  Everything follows from this.

2. Manage your emergencies

In the same way, some separations have emergencies – personal safety is the most important.  Others can include:

  • jurisdictional races (where one of you could start proceedings in a different country, you may need to act quickly to ensure your divorce takes place where your needs and those of the children will be met favourably)
  • a child being taken abroad to separate them from you (child abduction)
  • information or assets being hidden or disposed of 
  • your being isolated from funds.

Some of these you can address in part – or at least make easier – but many of them are going to require immediate professional help, probably from a solicitor.

The rest of the “to-dos” are subject to emergencies – sometimes you won’t have time to plan your best path, you will feel bounced around by circumstance. Just carry on trying your best, accepting where you are and planning from there. 

3. Consider couple counselling

If there are no safety concerns, this is a consideration that you should not skate past. I have worked for too many people who have said their ex has come back to them some years down the road saying “I got it wrong – I don’t know what I was thinking- is there a way back for us?”. For me that points to a missed opportunity for some serious conversation around what was not working in the relationship and each person’s capacity for change. Of course, the result may still be that you decide to separate, but talking things through a counsellor is also likely to reassure and make for better progress if you do decide to part. 

4. Be kind if you can

So often, perhaps when people come to me midway through, they seem to be in a terrible situation, which they are finding hard to understand. There might be brutality around disclosure or how the finances are being managed for the interim or how arrangements are being set around the children. It is all a bit destructive and aimless, which is a surprise as they’re decent people. So, what went wrong?  Well usually it is about how things started.  

Actions like deception and adultery matter (see my blog here on this very point) – perhaps not to the professionals who know the courts don’t care, but they really matter to the person being deceived and to their kids when they find out.  Brutal and sharp separations are like throwing a huge slab of concrete into a small pond – the splash and ripples are going to play havoc for a while and in unexpected ways.  Stepping out slowly and gently with empathy respect and understanding, can help everyone get through to the smart choices more quickly.

5. Start early

It follows that planning and starting early is usually a positive too, you can pace things more calmly. You don’t find yourself suddenly desperate that it all has to be sorted by the weekend. (That “I have just had it up to here” moment). It also means that you are less likely to be bounced into the “well I am leaving you” discussion at the worst of times in the heat of an argument.  These things are going to be tough and thinking about how to do it in the best way, in the calm, will pay dividends.

6. Get support

All of that is going to point towards you getting individual support.  So many  people say “I don’t need that fluffy stuff …” or “we are not getting back together”. But that is not what this is about. It is about understanding where your ex is and what they are going through. It is about helping you to think of this from their side to be able to move things on in the best way possible. It is tough.  It is practical. It is also short term and goal-oriented.

Find the right support and you will be challenged to do this well, but also supported to do so.  That’s why I recommend that you get professional support – not just support from your mates or family:

This is the other response to my recommendation of professional expertise is “well I am talking to my friends.” The problem with relying solely on friends and family is that:

  • They care too much and as such, are likely to operate like an echo chamber for you: they want to be supportive and are likely to tell you what they think you want to hear – which is not always what you need to hear
  • They may bring their own unresolved personal issues to the conversation and that is not helpful 
  • They don’t have the training to help you process everything in a constructive way 
  • Their advice is likely to be on the hoof, quick answers without the depth of consideration that is really needed
  • You may find yourself managing your choices to keep them satisfied.

Without meaning to cast aspersions on your inner circle, you are also sharing confidences with them which may well be shared with others. 

I could go on but in essence, therapists are likely to be the most valuable in monetary terms. Find the right one and use them.

7. Think and write

So you know you are going to need to get some advice and guidance (how else are you going to have the anchor of knowing your rights and obligations – how else would you recognise a good deal?). Lawyers charge by time and will read a well-organised briefing way quicker than they can ask questions and you answer them. Many firms will have an information gatherer on their website. If you want to get the most from your time with a lawyer and keep costs time, you would prepare:

  • A balance sheet of where you are now:
    •  who is in the family and who are the relatives and important other people in your lives
    • all the dates and details that are going to be needed such as when the relationship started, was formalised and ended
    • and yes those financial numbers all pinned down so far as known. 
    • In addition there will be descriptions of what is going on – what everyone is like; how are your children doing, pictures etc.  
  • An account of how you got here this is likely to take in your families of origin, education, careers, first homes, challenges and so on
  • And then the quick fire document for a first call: The super brief summary and a clear vision of what you want and what you think are the hurdles to getting there.

Indeed sometimes I think that this last piece of knowing what you are needing is the single most important piece of work that will be in your briefing for the next step.

8. Find the right professional

This can feel like a minefield. There are directories ranking legal professionals, but they may not be your best starting point.  What you are likely to want is that skilled professional whom you trust because they get you and their values resonate with yours, simple as that.  

When you are researching there will be lots of focus on who does what process and your head can spin with the terms likely to be coming at you:  negotiation/ collaborative/ co-operative/ one lawyer/ together/ amicable/ litigation/ mediation/ child inclusion/ hybrid/ integrative, but that shouldn’t be your worry: Your job is to be clear about your needs (those hurdles you identified at stage 7), not the process (which is what the professional brings to accommodate them). It is the professional’s job to show that they have heard you and to explain their recommendation.  If you are convinced, you have the start of your plan. If you are not then say so – if you are not heard, you may not be in the right room so think about moving on now.  

It is why you might do well to choose a professional who is serious about all the different ways of doing things – it will ensure you are presented with all the options. Many lawyers will only have one qualification, permitting them to negotiate your case  with the court as a fall back and the court is the last place most people want to end up.  If your lawyer doesn’t know, isn’t familiar with and doesn’t use collaborative, mediation or arbitration  then just have in mind that these ways that might suit you better will probably not be on the menu for discussion.

9. Be brave …ish

Sitting down to talk with your ex may be absolutely the last thing you want to do, and of course you shouldn’t compromise safety, but for most people, a professionally assisted conversation with a neutral person (likely to be in mediation – but potentially “one lawyer”) is likely to be the fast route to finding the best solution. Your ex is likely to have a view of what they think the outcome should be and they are going to hang onto it until you can show that you have heard them. It is much harder to do this if your discussion is via letters and emails being fired between lawyers from their respective trenches a seeming “safe” distance away from each other.

The right mediator will help you both to manage a safe and productive conversation even in difficult situations. There would be an assessment and  intake process (called “a MIAM”, standing for Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) when you can gather an understanding of what mediation would be like and talk through whether it is for you. In fact, you are required in most situations to have this meeting even if you wanted ultimately to go to court and I would encourage you to enter this meeting with an open mind as there is a lot of flexibility in mediation and other processes which may mean they are better for you.

10. Think kids

So obvious you may say it didn’t need saying. Where you have children, they are likely to be the lens through which all of this is viewed, you will consider your children:

  • when you take steps to start
  • in how you manage the relationship with your ex (because you are usually going to be co-parenting long term so you will not want to lay waste to how you talk to each other)
  • in the choices you make (for example the geography of your homes and family-friendly career-choices)
  • in the timing of any new relationship
  • in how you work out care and decision making: your children are part of each of you, they need safe arrangements to have a relationship with each of you if possible – and ideally each of you supporting the other to be the best parent you can be.

There is a lot to consider and it is all too easy to delay. But whether this relationship is your future or not is for you to decide and in your heart you will know the answer to that (especially if you have been through tip 3).  

If this relationship is not working and can’t be made to work, it is unlikely to be the best example of “adult relationships” for your kids, but beyond this, please don’t become that person I see so regularly who says “now I know about it all, I should have done this a decade ago, it would have been better for everyone.”

Read more articles by James Pirrie.

Read more articles by Family Law in Partnership.

About James Pirrie

James Pirrie is a Director of Family Law in Partnership, a highly regarded law firm based in London, which specialises in de-escalating conflict in family law.  He is an Arbitrator, Family Solicitor and Mediator accredited in child-inclusive mediation.

James is driven to improve long term outcomes for families who are experiencing separation or divorce.  He is credited with introducing collaborative law to the UK and with changing how children’s needs are addressed during family breakdown through the Parenting after Parting initiative.

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Coldplay, Cheating and the Courts: What the Law Really Says About Adultery
Image by Drazen Zigic on Freepik
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Coldplay, Cheating and the Courts: What the Law Really Says About Adultery

Published on
Ellen Nicholas
Ellen Nicholas
Solicitor
Roythornes Solicitors

A few months after a “kiss-cam” moment at a Coldplay concert shook the internet, the ripples are still being felt, both in headlines and potentially in courtrooms. A viral clip showed a well-known tech CEO embracing someone other than his wife, namely the company’s HR manager, sparking widespread speculation about personal and professional fallout.

Consequences of such affairs can carry several after-effects, legal ones too. Yet while the scandal dominates the public imagination, the law around adultery and divorce can tell a far more restrained story.

What counts as adultery in law?

In everyday conversation, ‘cheating’ can be synonymous with everything from text messages to emotional betrayal. English law, however, draws the line more narrowly. Legally, adultery is defined as sexual intercourse between a married person and someone who is not their spouse. Acts short of this – however damaging they may be to trust within a relationship – do not qualify as adultery under the law.

That legal definition often surprises those who expect the courts to reflect the moral weight of infidelity. But the direction of travel in family law has been clear: away from blame and toward resolution.

No-fault divorce and the end of ‘blame’

In April 2022, the ‘no-fault divorce’ has entered the legal terrain. Previously, adultery could be pleaded as a ground for divorce, and while rarely contested, it kept the language of fault alive in petitions. Now, all that is required is a simple statement that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. No proof, no reason, no explanation and certainly no tabloid-worthy evidence are required.

The reform was designed to lower the temperature. By removing the need to point fingers, it gives separating couples a greater chance to part amicably, without animosity. For those experiencing betrayal, this can feel rather unsatisfying. The law no longer distinguishes between a relationship that ends quietly and one that explodes on unruliness.

High-profile divorce vs everyday divorce

The distinction, however, lies not in the courts but in the court of public opinion. For the average couple, an affair can be a painful yet private devastation, handled quietly within the family. For celebrities or business leaders, it becomes a defining story for their public image, highly scrutinised by the press, shareholders and the public alike.

Legally, however, both divorces follow the same process. A Hollywood actor’s affair may fill column inches, but when it comes before a judge, the legal questions are identical to those facing any other couple: how to divide assets fairly and, where children are involved, how to ensure their wellbeing and welfare are looked after.

Does adultery change financial settlements?

Contrary to common belief, adultery has almost no bearing on how finances are settled in divorce. The guiding principle for the courts is need: ensuring both parties, and any children, are adequately provided for. Being unfaithful does not diminish one’s entitlement to a fair division of assets.

There are exceptions, but they are rare. If, for instance, one spouse has channelled marital funds extravagantly into conducting an affair – where examples can include luxury holidays, gifts or property purchases – that reckless spending could be raised. Even then, it requires strong evidence and is unlikely to tip the scales dramatically.

What about the children?

In cases where children are involved, the law is even clearer. The paramount concern of the courts is the welfare of the child. Adultery, in and of itself, is not considered a reason to limit contact between parent and child. Only where a parent’s new relationship puts the child at risk – for example, if it involves unsafe environments – would the court intervene.

This principle reflects a broader truth: children’s wellbeing should not become collateral damage in their parents’ disputes. While one parent’s anger or sense of betrayal may be real and raw, arrangements for children must rise above any animosity.

Beyond scandal: a system built on resolution

Public scandals remind us of how messy human relationships can be. But divorce law in England and Wales has shifted decisively away from punishing misconduct and toward managing outcomes. The aim is to provide a supportive framework for families in transition, not to mete out moral judgment.

For those navigating the end of a marriage – whether quietly or under the glare of cameras – the same structures apply. Infidelity may devastate trust and reshape lives, but in the eyes of the law, it is no longer a decisive factor. What matters most is fairness, respective needs and the ongoing wellbeing of any children.

And while no court can resolve the hurt of betrayal, the system is designed to give couples the tools to move forward – with as little hostility as possible, even in situations when the world might be watching.

Read more articles by Roythornes Solicitors.

About Ellen Nicholas

Ellen is a Solicitor in our Family Team at Roythornes Solicitors. She is passionate about assisting and supporting clients through challenging times in their lives. Her dedication and expertise ensure that clients receive clear, compassionate, and effective legal support tailored to their individual circumstances.

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