Men, Going through Divorce? Do it Right, Don’t Fight.

do it right, don't fight
James Brown
James Brown
Host of
Divorce The Talk Show

As I think back upon this weird thing called getting a divorce I think back to how appreciative I am for having a great ex-spouse what a good women she is.

That said, Men perceive and most often participate in ugly divorces, no matter what the prearranged agreement is.

Men make mistakes not only in their marriages but also most definitely as they begin the process of going through there divorce.  Many men face daunting circumstances with manipulative, irrational and abusive conditions caused by both spouses.

Excluding that, let’s not take for granted the impact divorce has even if your spouse and you are still on intimate footings and are reasonable with each other, even after divorce.

Ha, I can assure you at that critical point of unshackling your marriage even smooth endings will handicap and make it difficult to make the right decisions.  Anger and depression becomes your new takeover spouse that is upsetting and instills a psychological roadblock that fractures the process that endeavors to protect, your children and your extended families.

Even with this edge it is better to take the high road over the low and negative point of view.

With an overcrowded business as usual environment of all types of divorce experts and legal beagles proclaiming,  “I can fix this, you don’t have to do that,” we blindly follow along, in many cases disastrous outcomes follow which often magnifies prevailing emotions in men that are filled with sadness and disappointment.

Men often face emotional anger and it’s commonplace that we are angry at our now ex wives parents and friends because of the choices we’ve made.

Are you getting my point; choices, we all have choices, you just need to know what they are.  Once you realize that good choices are the fabric of a healthy divorce, it get’s easier life picks up with positive actions, this is the foundation of Divorce The Talk Show. We help with the process of identifying the processes for making better choices for better outcomes.

Many things will ignite that fire within you to lash out and arouse another anger point that is harnessed within your inner self.

Don’t take the bait, when someone enters into your spouses romantic world and it’s not you, and believe me it’s going to happen, your ex will get a new guy; this can really push the attitude button off the charts for many men especially when you don’t feel you where the root of causing the divorce and in the back of your mind you still want the girl.

You’re now faced with your ex old lady, your old sweetie pie, whatever you called her then and now (and there are some other words we don’t wish to use so we won’t go there).

dont-fight-divorce-advice-menIt all rolls around the brain like a pinball in an old arcade machine, she is now with a new partner, he is experiencing all those delightful things (and you had many) you once enjoyed; sex, the birth of your children, holding hands going to the bathroom together (Ha Ha) wow now those memories or now marred with new images someone else is in the house, in the bed.

Are you getting my drift?

Men this is why it is important to manage your attitudes and emotions.  If you don’t it all adds up to cha-ching, cha-ching higher cost, more money frustration, stress and perhaps a lengthy, entangled affair that many call the divorce wars.

Take my word this is no fun.

I without any discussion (with others) or contemplation made the right decisions, although I learned that later; (we) had done the right thing.

I was wiser beyond divorce and its stages at the time of my divorce.   I did it right focusing on being a good ex spouse, which enabled me to handle my divorce and manage my emotions with relative peace thus gaining a friend and an ally in shaping our children’s destiny after our divorce.

I can assure you that positive resolution in one’s divorce activities particularly during the paperwork procedure, including the life changing arrangement you make, will make a difference.

Divorce, I must say handled with love, can you believe, I said “handled with love”, will give you so much self respect as anything and when you walk into the room of shame that’s filled with people that you’ve shared and enjoyed their company during your marriage with your ex this can be stressful and taxing to the emotions, all by it’s self, but the manner in which you posture yourself from a positive perspective will enable you to stand tall with pride as an individual who made a commitment to Do It Right and Don’t Fight, because you’ve made a statement you choose to respect your family your life your ex wife mother of your children.

These actions demonstrates that you’ve stated to the world that you are somebody who respects what you had and that action mirrors the fact that you are a responsible, respectable and caring man.

Positivity, the moderator of divorce, demonstrates that taking the high road makes a significant difference as you move forward.  It allows you to pay it forward.

One other thing, when you enter into another relationship and the inquiry begins from the new girlfriend and the questions start to unfold, the who, what and why of your previous relationship/marriage, when you start sharing those intimacy’s and she learns how you’ve handled your divorce, it will speak volumes in helping her to recognize and realize that although you are and have had a broken relationship in the past, she quickly learns that you are a responsible, caring and a dependable person.  I guarantee you that this will speak volumes to a woman wishing to connect with you and become a part of a your life as she accepts a new man into her life.

That, my fellow brothers-in-divorce, assures your place at the table of life confirming that you are capable of genuinely being a responsible partner capable of loving and responsibility.

Those are the steps that enable you to move forward toward a New Beginning.  What’s the message… Do It Right, Don’t Fight.

About James

James, grew up in San Francisco, and has lived in Salt Lake City, for over 25 plus, and is a second time divorcee with 4 children. 

With his diverse background in television, both in front and behind the camera, Mr. Brown is the driving force behind the highly innovative production of Divorce The Talk Show; A New Beginning, a multi-platform production which is led by new media engagement using digital, mobile as well as the legacy media (television) platform to reach a growing number of people who have gone through a radical change in life via divorce.

Mr. Brown has a background that makes him unique and perfect to support effort to make change in divorce. He has been at the center of development in corporate recruiting programs including Discover Card which focused on youth and minorities; developed diverse training seminars for corporations; created programs that provided scholarships for deserving, disadvan­taged students as well as building one of the finest film and television production studios (Salt Lake Studios) in the western U.S.A.


  1. This is James Brown’s reply to you Natasha:

    Thank you for your comment and support. I congratulate you and your Ex for getting it right!
    James Brown

  2. Love this post thank you – it is great to hear it from a man’s point of view and from a positive perspective.

    My ex and I are great friends and support each other still. His girlfriend is wonderful too and we all get along – my ex is away on business this weekend so the kids and I are off Christmas shopping with his girlfriend… he’s still getting his head around our friendship and that’s ok. We all know that we don’t want it to be any other way and that the work we initially did to let go of the ‘ego’ and our fears in the first year has paid off ten fold – gratitude for kindness, respect and love all round!

    Great post – happy holidays 🙂

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