divorce process uk - Page 8

Divorce law reform

A Campaign for Divorce Law Reform is Backed by Leading Lawyers

Published on
Lauren Jodrell
Family Solicitor

“Unjust and outdated” is how the Times newspaper described the UK’s current Divorce laws.

The newspaper has recently begun a campaign to reform the current system to bring it in line with modern day society. The campaign is being backed by several leading lawyers and judges.

The campaign is suggesting the government implement the following changes:

  • Making pre-nuptial contracts legally binding. At present they are non-statutory and although a family law judge may consider the content of a pre-nuptial agreement during divorce negotiations, they are not legally obliged to do so which can lead to further uncertainty and bitterness when marriages fail.
  • Despite this been the fastest growing family type in the UK the current law does not provide any legal rights for people who cohabitate and choose not to marry. If the relationship fails or one of the partnership dies then there is no legal protection. The Times is campaigning for legal rights for long term cohabitees.

Chairman of the Marriage Foundation, Paul Coleridge, said: “We must urgently do something about the laws on marriage and divorce. These are no longer fit for purpose.”

“Our chief concern is to address the impact of the breakdown of relationships…particularly where there are children. These breakdowns have devastating consequences for both adults and children that can last for decades.”

So far, the government has not given any indication that it is prepared to consider change and has rejected similar calls in the past.

However with major media group like the Times campaigning for reform alongside many other family law groups such as Resolution, then maybe now they will sit up and take notice.

Click here for more articles by Grindeys Solicitors

About Lauren

Lauren Jodrell is a solicitor who deals with all areas of family law, including divorce, financial negotiation and matters relating to children. She was trained and qualified in a Birmingham based firm, however, she was raised in Stoke on Trent and was keen to return to her roots and so joined the family law team at Grindeys in 2015.

She prides herself on being friendly and approachable as her clients are often going through a very difficult time in their life. She also appreciates the need to deal with matters as swiftly and as cost effectively as possible.

Her aim is to try and settle matters out of court, as this is cheaper and less traumatic for the disputing parties, but should your matter need court intervention you can rest assured that Lauren’s keen interest in advocacy will see you well represented.

Lauren is a member of both the Law Society and Resolution. Membership of both organisations requires a high level of continuous professional development and a commitment to exceptional client care.

Email: Lauren.Jodrell@grindeys.com

 

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How the Divorce Process Works

How the Divorce Process Works

Published on

Did you know that getting divorced, separating finances and making arrangements for children are actually separate legal processes?

If not, then you’ll want to know how it all fits together and which steps to take when.

The team over at MyLegalAdviser has put together a handy infographic called “How the Divorce Process Works“, showing all the steps you’ll need to take when getting a divorce and sorting out finances and children.

 

How the Divorce Process Works

 

About MyLegalAdviser

MyLegalAdviser is an online legal marketplace making it easy for clients to find a lawyer. Clients post a job for free on our site and within hours we match them with the best quotes from the hundreds of rated lawyers on our service.

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Managing your Finances after Divorce

Managing your Finances after Divorce

Published on
Claire Trundley
Partner HCB Solicitors

There is no doubt that experiencing a divorce can turn your life upside down, both emotionally and financially. For many, it is a devastating and traumatic event that can be messy, protracted and expensive.

Managing your finances after a divorce can, therefore, be an overwhelming and daunting task, leaving you uncertain and anxious about your future, especially if your household income has taken a huge hit.

For some, however, this change in circumstances can be liberating, presenting the perfect opportunity to take back control and achieve financial independence.

Here are 6 top tips to help you get your post-divorce finances back on track.

Prepare a Budget & Plan of Action

Having a budget and financial plan of action in place is key to managing your finances after you divorce.

  • Keep good records of your income and expenses
  • Check the benefits you may be entitled to now that you have separated, such as reduced council tax, adjustments to tax credits or child benefit.
  • Collect statements of all your outgoing expenses such as rent/mortgage, utilities etc.
  • Aim to identify and eliminate any unnecessary expenditure.
  • Identify where any savings and investments can be made.
  • Think about financial planning with your future in mind and the ways in which you will fund your retirement.
  • Think carefully about the long-term affordability of staying in the matrimonial home and the financial consequences of taking on a whole mortgage by yourself, especially if it is going to over stretch you financially.
  • Consider the benefits of downsizing to a smaller property with smaller mortgage and running costs.
  • Consider opting for a share of your partner’s pension rather than focusing entirely on the property you share.

Review Bank Accounts

It is a good idea to cut all financial ties with your ex as soon as possible.

  • Contact your bank to protect any joint bank accounts that you share with your ex. You will want to prevent your ex from emptying or closing accounts or running up any overdraft facility that you will be liable for. You might want to consider closing joint accounts or putting a freeze on them until you and your ex can agree on how to manage things, going forward. Get in touch with your bank and they will be able to advise you on the best course of action to take.
  • Secure your online banking by changing passwords and PIN codes that your ex might know or can easily guess.
  • Close any joint savings accounts and split the assets
  • Open a separate bank account in your name only, so payments can be made directly to you.

Deal with Debts

Making an effort to pay off debts is a sensible way to secure your personal finance going forward.

  • Cancel any joint bank credit cards. Try to reach an agreement with your ex on any outstanding balances and have agreed amounts transferred to new cards in your separate names.
  • Deal with outstanding debts that are in your name. You will be responsible for all debts in your name, even joint debts.
  • Let your lenders know that you have separated or divorced.
  • Communicate with your lenders to let them know if you are experiencing any problems with loan repayments so they can help you with a plan going forward.
  • Seek specialist financial counselling to help you put a plan in place to deal with any debt issues.

Save More

Investing in a savings account is a good way of creating finance to fall back on should unexpected expenses arise further down the line.

  • Allocate a regular portion of your income to your savings which will help you to avoid falling into debt and help protect your financial future.

Sort Mortgage, Rent & Utilities

Taking charge of your mortgage, rent and utilities will help protect the roof over your head.

  • Inform your lender that you and your partner have separated and work out a plan to ensure that mortgage repayments are covered.
  • If you are renting, let your agent or landlord know of your separation and have the lease put in your name only. Again, work out a plan to ensure that rent payments are covered. If you intend to move out of a rented property, let your agent or landlord know and have yourself removed from the lease.  You may also want to remove your name from the utilities for the property.
  • If you are staying in your property, ensure that all utility bills are in your sole name. If you are moving, ensure your name is removed from the utility bills for that property.

Make or Update Your Will

  • If you haven’t made a Will, now would be a good time to visit a solicitor and make one so that your exact wishes are known and adhered to. This is especially important if you have children that you are responsible for. Doing this will give you the opportunity to decide how you want your assets divided and who will be appointed guardians of your children.  If you have already made a Will, you may want to update it or make a new one that matches your new circumstances.
  • If you have a Power of Attorney in place you may want to review it and ensure that it is updated now that you have divorced.

About Claire 

Claire graduated in 1990 and joined HCB’s Bedford office in 1993; she was made a Partner in 1997.

She has always worked in family law dealing with children (private law), divorce, injunctions, financial matters and separation. She is an accredited specialist of Resolution (formerly known as SFLA) and a trained Collaborative lawyer.

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Start the Divorce Process

How to Start the Divorce Process

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

In April 22nd, 2014 a change was made in Family Law to have a couple attend a mediation information and assessment meeting (MIAM) to see if mediation is a viable option for them as a divorce process and as a possible way of avoiding court altogether.

A mediator can put in writing that a couple attend a mediation interview, but are choosing litigation instead.

During divorce, a judge may send spouses to mediation to negotiate just one aspect of it, such as child arrangements or finances. A mediator does not provide legal advice, even if he/she is a solicitor.

One can obtain the required divorce forms to apply for divorce from the court. The clerks will give out the correct forms but do not dispense legal advice. The Ministry of Justice website www.justice.gov.uk also has the necessary forms.

The Citizens’ Advice Bureau (CAB) is able to give some generic advice or steer one to a specialist who can be of assistance. CAB has an informative web site www.citizensadvice.org.uk.

There are various online divorce kits for simple divorces. It is still prudent to have a solicitor check over these forms before submission. In Scotland the sheriff’s court has these forms and the CAB will assist you in filling these out.

Before starting divorce, you may want to ascertain that your name is on the house deed by contacting the Land Registry, if you are unsure. If it is only in your spouse’s name, then you can register your interest in the house. For a small fee, the Land Office can do a search for the title number and send you a form to show your rights to co-own the house.

Pre-divorce, speak to a solicitor first to make sure you are not doing anything to compromise a divorce. She may advise you not to move out of the marital home or other actions. She can prevent the other spouse from getting rid of community assets or liquidating a joint bank account.

Criteria for Divorce:

  • A couple must have been married for a year in England and Wales before a divorce petition can be filed.
  • In Scotland there is no minimum time to be married before initiating divorce.
  • In Northern Ireland the minimum time is two years before divorce proceedings.

Domicile is the country where one has an attachment or connection, such as by birth. It can be where you have a passport or your family resides.

One can be living abroad and still get a divorce in the UK. An English couple working in Los Angeles can still have their divorce proceedings through the English court, because they are domiciled in the UK. If the divorce is not contested (disagreed upon) then neither has to appear in court and their solicitors can handle the divorce from afar. Neither spouse can have filed in another country first.

Habitual residency is the place where you live and work. One does not have to have been born in that country, but now has long-term ties to that locale.

If a person from India has lived in London for many years, she is entitled to file to a divorce in England. It does not matter that she makes trips back to Delhi every year to visit family, because her life is in London. In England and Wales the minimum time of habitual residency before being able to initiate divorce is one year.

Jurisdiction is the geographical area that has legal authority to hear a case. If ones lives in Leeds that is the place where the divorce petition is filed, not in a different city such as Manchester. One initiates divorce where one lives or has domicile. This is the location where one has habitual residency.

Two Americans were studying in Cambridge and got married in this country. They lived in the Cambridgeshire area for three years before returning to the States.

After two years there, they decided to divorce. Even though they married in England, they no longer have habitual residency so would have to be divorced in the US. Had they decided to divorce before leaving England, they could have gotten a UK Divorce. They were married and had residency in England for over one year.

Getting Started with Divorce in the UK:  

In England and Wales, the person filing for divorce is the petitioner and in Scotland it is the pursuer. The other spouse is the respondent in England and Wales and the defender in Scotland.

The process of divorce commences when the petitioner files the divorce petition to the court. Included with the petition is:

  • Marriage certificate
  • Issues of divorce with one of the grounds
  • What you want to receive financially

How to start divorce processIf the couple has children then a Statement of Arrangements must also be sent which includes:

  • Where they now live and future visitation plans
  • Their school and any educational or after school needs
  • Any child support requested
  • Any disability or health requirements
  • A Parenting Plan may be attached

The spouse must formally be served these papers in one of these ways:

  • The court posts these papers to your spouse adding the Acknowledgment of Service You or your solicitor will be notified if they are returned back to the court as undeliverable.
  • A bailiff can serve the divorce papers directly to your spouse. A certain form is filled out and a fee is collected for this service.
  • One can pay a private processor to find the spouse and serve the papers.
  • In Scotland there is no Acknowledgement of Service sent to the defender (respondent) spouse. They receive the initial writ from the court containing the grounds for divorce, arrangements for children, and finances. If the other spouse disagrees with any of these, then they fill out a Notice of Intention to Defend form and return it to the court.

The respondent has a week to respond and to send an Acknowledgement of Service to the court verifying that it was received and contains the following:

  • If he/she consents to the divorce
  • Objects to anything in the petition
  • Agrees or disagrees with Arrangements for Children

The respondent has twenty-eight days to file an answer if he intends to defend (contest) the divorce. He can file a ‘’cross petition’’ if he feels that the marriage is over, but not for the reason that the petitioner stated in the divorce petition.

After the respondent returns the Acknowledgement of Service to the court, a copy is posted to the petitioner or their solicitor.

`The next step in the divorce process is the petitioner files an Affidavit with the court. This is a sworn statement that is done before another solicitor (not yours) or a court official which verifies that the signature on the Acknowledgement of Service form is that of your spouse. Also you confirm what is in the Divorce Petition is correct.

Both spouses fill out the incredibly detailed, twenty-eight page Form E or Statement of Means, and give it to the court and the other solicitor. If there is to be a court hearing, then Form E is to arrive thirty-five days ahead of time. This form is a disclosure of what one’s assets are and copies of financial records are attached to this sworn document. Mediation and collaborative divorce may use Form E to collect financial data.

Questions included in Form E or Statement of Means are:

  • Standard of living you had during your marriage and what you expect post-divorce
  • What debts you have and what is owned to you
  • Income needs for yourself and children residing with you
  • Lists of investments, bank accounts, pensions with account numbers, companies and amounts
  • Insurance with surrender value
  • Properties and their worth
  • Cars and other household assets and their value

In Scotland there is no Form E or formal disclosure document. When the spouses come to a financial agreement, the signed statement is registered in the Book of Council and Session in Edinburgh.

If there is a financial change of circumstance post-divorce, then an alteration to this agreement can be made. The Statement of Means or Form E, is not used in Northern Ireland, but rather the court asks for similar financial disclosure at the preliminary hearing.

A judge goes over the paperwork including the Statement of Arrangements for Children. If he does not have any questions and approves of the paperwork, then a Certificate of Entitlement to a Divorce Decree is issued. He posts a copy to the Petitioner giving the date of when the Decree Nisi will be issued.

No court appearance is needed for this provisional decree. The Decree Nisi is issued in the middle of the divorce proceedings. In Scotland there is no Decree Nisi.

The petitioner must wait six weeks and a day before the Decree Nisi is made absolute. The Decree Absolute is not issued automatically and must be requested.

This interim period gives time to work on any financial or child arrangements before the divorce is finalized. The spouses may be sent to mediation to negotiate either child or financial arrangements before the divorce is finalized.

If the petitioner does not apply for Decree Absolute within four and half months, then the respondent is free to do so. If neither has applied for this within a year, then a judge may mandate an explanation of why there was such a long wait. When the Decree Absolute is issued, then the divorce is finalized.

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Up to 50% of Divorce Applications are Being Rejected Due to Errors

Published on
Carmen Hudson (LLB) Director DivorceBox

It was recently reported that the governments flagship divorce centre was rejecting 50% of divorce applications due to errors made in the application form.

Divorce Centres were originally introduced as part of the courts move towards a centralised system for divorce in England & Wales and formed part of a larger project to make Family Law proceedings more accessible and less prohibitive for those individuals who engage with the family law process.

However, it would appear from the increased number of rejections that the system is not providing the improvements that the scheme envisaged.

So what can you do if you are completing a DIY divorce application to make sure that your application is accepted?

Below is a list of the main reasons that a divorce application would be rejected by the court/Divorce Centres.

Many of the reasons for rejection are due to simple errors that could be made by anyone. To help you avoid them I have also included my top tips for avoiding them.

 Top Tips

  • When filling in the details of where your marriage took place check that the names of the parties (you and your spouse) match those on the marriage certificate EXACTLY. Even if the marriage certificate contains a spelling error, write it exactly as it appears on the certificate when completing your application form. If it is not completed in this way the court will have no option but to reject and return your application.
  • Applications are also being return because many people are forgetting to sign and date their application form. This is easily done, I have seen qualified professionals have forms returned to them that are not signed and dated. My advice is to complete your application form and then leave it at least 24 hours before checking it for errors. If you can get a trusted friend or family member to also check it a second pair of eyes is always useful.
  • Failure to enclose the court fee £550 or a Help With Fee’s form.
  • Failure to enclose your marriage certificate. It’s easy to forget to enclose your fee and marriage certificate but the court can not do it’s job without these items. Failure to enclose what is needed is only going to cause delays and prolong a already stressful situation.

If you are an applicant making a DIY divorce application then the best advice that I can give you is to check, check and check again.

As with many things in life it is the simple things that make the big difference and simply checking your form or getting a trusted third party to check your form before submitting it is the easiest way to avoid any problems with your application.

* Bury St Edmunds, Information, gsi.gov on 13/03/2017

About Carmen

Carmen Hudson (LLB) is a director and head of legal of operations at DivorceBox.com a online legal service provider specialising in online divorce (e-divorce).

After 15 years in dispute resolution she founded DivorceBox to offer a less intimidating alternative to traditional legal services.

 

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What is Ancillary Relief or Application for a Financial Order

Published on
Daniel Rushton
Head of Family Law
Grindeys Solicitors

Technically, Ancillary Relief no longer exists.

It used to be the name of the application made by one party of a divorcing couple, asking the Court to resolve the financial issues relating to their marriage i.e. claims for capital, for spousal maintenance and against pensions.

This is now called an application for a financial order. People still refer to it as ancillary relief: ancillary meaning connected to divorce and relief as in to resolve the issues.

– More articles and definitions by Daniel Rushton here. –

ABOUT DANIEL

Daniel has over 20 years’ experience as a specialist family law solicitor. He is Head of the Family Law team at Grindeys Solicitors based in Stoke on Trent.

Daniel has a particular interest and experience in dealing with business owners, company directors and members of the medical profession in matrimonial situations. For this type of work a solicitor who understands your business accounts and business structure is vital to obtain the best financial settlement possible.

Recent cases include one involving an international business and extremely valuable assets and pensions, as well as property abroad. He has acted for numerous doctors and other medical professionals, council workers, police officers and serving members of the armed services. In twenty-three years, Daniel has dealt with all walks of life and will adopt a professional yet caring approach to your situation.

Email: daniel.rushton@grindeys.com

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Full Disclosure Principle in Divorce

The Full Disclosure Principle in Divorce – Don’t Try to Hide from it

Published on
Vanessa Fox
Partner and Head of
Family Law
hlw Keeble Hawson

There have been a number of recent high profile cases where an ex-partner in a divorce has hidden money or assets to avoid them being included in the joint assets that will be divided by the court or an arbitrator.

Among these was an Australian couple’s dispute about the whereabouts of $160,000 fortune hidden in a shoebox.

It is surprisingly common for people to attempt to do this and I have worked on many cases where it has happened – including when a client’s ex squirreled away stacks of £10 notes. In fact, almost every family dispute I have handled has involved an alleged non-disclosure.

Reasons for hiding or undervaluing assets include a wish to save money, a desire for revenge or a belief that the asset or the person’s wealth is too trivial for scrutiny.

However, before the court can reach a financial settlement on separation, both parties have a legal obligation to provide full and frank disclosure of all their assets (including pensions), income and liabilities. Unless and until this has been done, a financial order cannot be made, even if both parties are happy for it to go ahead.

The court does not take into account who is ‘at fault’, meaning that the ‘wronged’ party has no excuse for not making an honest declaration. Nor is it justified for the poorer partner to fail to disclose. That person may feel aggrieved at having to list a tiny savings account or income from a part time job, when the other person is far better off – but the court’s intention is to assess a couple’s joint worth and how this can be divided fairly to meet the reasonable needs of both parties.

Declaring everything that you own does not mean you will receive a reduced settlement – however, failing to disclose an asset can produce that result.

If one party fails to fully disclose, it can lead to a more extended, costly dispute. The person who has not disclosed can in extreme cases be ordered to pay the other side’s legal costs and it is usually the case that that person will receive a far less favourable settlement – with more allocated to their ex on top of what would have been awarded in the first place.

There is nearly also extra expense in relation to applications for court orders for further disclosure or the hiring of a forensic accountant to track down hidden funds, the cost of which is sometimes ordered to be paid by the “non-disclosing” party.

In any event, legal costs always are paid out of the pooled assets that the court would prefer to be spent on the households of the separating couple and their children. One partner’s dishonest disclosure can severely reduce the funds available to do this, which could diminish everybody’s standard of living and affect a parent’s long term relationship with their offspring.

There are often no winners from somebody’s refusal to fully declare, but there can be many losers. Honesty is always the best policy – no matter what misgivings or lingering bitterness one party has for their ex.

About Vanessa

hlw Keeble Hawson partner, Vanessa Fox, marked 25 years as head of the firm’s family law department in 2016.

Collaboratively trained and a qualified mediator, she has modernised South Yorkshire Resolution since becoming chair in 2013 and is also a member of the Law Society’s Family Law Panel and the Children Panel.

She can be contacted on 0114 290 6232 or at vanessafox@hlwkeeblehawson.co.uk.

 

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Finding a Good Divorce Lawyer

Why Finding a Good Divorce Lawyer is Vital when Going through Divorce or Separation

Published on
James Brown
James Brown
Host of
Divorce The Talk Show

Is it possible to have good qualities in a divorce? 

The Answer is yes you can.  You know how you feel when your doing things right and you get that great sensation that envelops your body your mind and your soul, sounds like great sex,.. oops.   We’re not going down that road. 

We understand that divorce ranks right up their next to death in the list of things that impact you, well the stress of divorce is an experience you really don’t want to have, deal with or face.  

You know it’s easy to say,  “I want a divorce”,  but finding the right solution or making the right decision that merits fairness and equality as a result of your decision, that reality is indeed a bitter dose of, “I didn’t know it took all of this,” when you come face to face with divorce and say  “I’m gonna get me a lawyer” that’s when the stuff starts to fly, the chickens are out of the coop.

I, like many of you, discovered that divorce is a transition that never stops.  You are constantly in the adaptation mode every day, in every way.  Sounds like a  song, “Oh baby I keep going down this road never knowing when to make a turn, every day, in every way”.

The system seems to dictate that we find an attorney and I don’t know if that’s because we  all foster resentment toward our spouses when divorce is at our door steps and the idea of divorce clutches our every existence.

We seem to think that the legal system offers a resolution to our marital problems and getting an attorney will finally bring a peaceful state of mind.  Let me assure you getting an attorney is much like the game pick up the sticks, you know when you use one stick to remove another stick without moving the stick nestled below the stick your trying to pick up, now that was a mouth full well that’s divorce and that’s what getting a lawyer means.  

We often think that a  divorce attorney will articulate and or eradicate the perceived or ill perceived consequence of divorce, not necessarily true.  Nothing prepares us for the staggering indignation of emotional baggage and turmoil… nothing.

But we can learn to lessen that pronounced severity by thinking quality, which is something we try to attain throughout our lives; a good quality of life, this is a proven fact to help and situate our actions for better results.

The person you enlist to help you through your adventure  in the Divorce Horror Land, I use the word adventure, because  it’s a trip through the divorce maze, which is much like dating and I don’t mean to insinuate that dating is a horror but in today’s climate it can be, that’s another story.

But think of  divorce like this you’re constantly meeting new people telling them all about yourself and maybe it just doesn’t work out so you do it again and again and this goes on for several months and sometimes years.

I’m just saying that finding the perfect attorney the right attorney, counsellor, mediator, therapist will make the divorce process a lot more (less) challenging than the divorce it’s self. 

What I am preparing you for, and that’s really what it’s all about preparing you, you’ve got to remember that getting and going through divorce is a process and finding the right piece to the process will take time but will make it all a lot easier on you and your family.  It’s not as easy as 1,2,3 set me free,  1,2,3 help me to see. Just think positive when making decisions. 

When looking to hire an attorney or other such experts or specialist to represent or consult you in your divorce, you should look for the following qualities and also nurture them within your self:

Ability to Communicate

Good communication with your divorce specialist is so very important. Don’t let anger or the, I’m-going-to get-even syndrome make your decisions.  Effective communication of your concerns and expectations is paramount, your representative will need to clearly explain things to you regarding issues of your case and provide you with the best expectations.

It’s significant to your results that your attorney communicate with you, your spouse and your spouse’s attorney.  Many issues will factor in establishing this process which will help in keeping the costs maintainable. There are other things you need your money for especially if you have children growing up, food, clothes, bills, bills bills and other deals.  

You must resist combative situations.  Resolution of the issues are important before you consider the legal system, but as you consider the legal system you must consider all aspects, I can’t stress, get rid of the stress.  Important to your resolve, is the ability to communicate with all parties in establishing a cooperative relationship.  It is important that you begin the thought process of what, happens when I am divorced, what will I do then?

What about court, in many cases court is a reality what’s important  is that your representative be able to communicate your position and litigate appropriately and sometimes it can elevate costly court cost.

Skill and Experience

A good attorney can make the difference, if your a good client, because your divorce can and will touch upon sensitive aspects that will have ramification for your family, finances, retirement, career, etc.

So cover your bases be prepared make sure your team is prepared, preparation makes it work. Know that the people you select to represent you are authentic and professional make sure they are who they say they are.

Divorce is a process of blame and mis-treatment emotionally and sometimes physically this transfers into confrontational discussions which aren’t good.

Availability

There is something about hiring someone to do a job.  You expect them to be at your beck and call.  Well being a client of an attorney means that you are one of many so get that into your brain.  Also every time you call think of a cash register.  His or her time costs and you pay.

I call it pay to play divorce.   When considering an attorney, look for someone who can be ready when you need them.  You need  someone who can respond to your inquiries in a timely manner.  You want an attorney who will not put your case on the bottom of his/her client stack.

Know going in, that you have selected an attorney who has other clients; I must reiterate, “so don’t waste time, time is money”.  Take advantage of his/her availability by being prepared.

Healthy Attitude

It is important that you have a healthy attitude.  This will assure your attorney that you have the ability to maintain your composure which means just staying calm and maintaining focus.  Many times this will give you the edge during and after divorce. Much of what we think about in divorce, is repetitious.  Divorce creates an assurance of things you can’t anticipate.

Resources/Support

Divorce is not a one thing fixes all.  It’s a smorgasbord of family issues and things that unwind the cord that binds the family together. 

Their are so many parts and getting it right isn’t  simply a document in your hand and you walk away happy ever after.  It comes down to mastering all of the resources you need to keep your family whole and re-gain your balance as a family thus there are many facets to the process of expunging the ills that caused your divorce.  

These symptoms are recognizable if you identify resources that can help you understand your issues.

A good  attorney will have resources, it’s important that you recognize your attorney’s resources and have your own to help prepare your case in a timely manner.

I’m James Brown and this is Divorce The Talk Show, until next time Cope, Hope, and Heal.

ABOUT JAMES

James, grew up in San Francisco, and has lived in Salt Lake City, for over 25 plus, and is a second time divorcee with 4 children. 

With his diverse background in television, both in front and behind the camera, Mr. Brown is the driving force behind the highly innovative production of Divorce The Talk Show; A New Beginning, a multi-platform production which is led by new media engagement using digital, mobile as well as the legacy media (television) platform to reach a growing number of people who have gone through a radical change in life via divorce.

Mr. Brown has a background that makes him unique and perfect to support effort to make change in divorce. He has been at the center of development in corporate recruiting programs including Discover Card which focused on youth and minorities; developed diverse training seminars for corporations; created programs that provided scholarships for deserving, disadvan­taged students as well as building one of the finest film and television production studios (Salt Lake Studios) in the western U.S.A.

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Holidays triggering Divorce

How to Pick a Good Divorce Lawyer?

Published on
Soila Sindiyo Child Trauma Therapist Founder of The Divorce Magazine
Soila Sindiyo
Parenting Therapist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine

Recently, a couple of mums and a dad at my daughter’s school separately asked if they could speak with me in confidence.

All three are going through divorce and are in the first stages of the divorce process.

All three needed to know if I could recommend  a divorce solicitor.

Their stories were different but two of them asked me the same question; “What makes a good divorce lawyer?”

This, I must say, is a very easy question to answer.

Firstly a good divorce lawyer is one who specialises in divorce law, preferably one who only works in this field.  If you have children, as each of the parents in this case had, I would go further and say find one that has great experience in divorce law where children are concerned.

A good divorce lawyer will not be one who fans the flames of your anger or even one who starts a fire where there is none.

When I was going through my divorce, I had a meeting with a lawyer who, in all honesty, remains the worst lawyer I have met in my life!  All she wanted was blood, despite my telling her that’s not what I wanted.  I only went to her because she was very local to me and I was thinking about the convenience.  I never did work with her.

Years later, I needed a notary, so returned to the same firm believing that my previous not-so-good experience was only due to the particular lawyer I had spoken to.  The person whom I spoke with over the phone was very condescending and patronising and they were going to charge me over £100 more than the other firms I spoke with.  I had heard all I needed.

Anyway, I digress.

A good divorce solicitor will know how to manage your feelings of vengeance and hurt.  They will not allow them to come into the picture in shape or form as that will only cause war between you and your soon-to-be-ex.

 

A good divorce solicitor will not mind you asking any questions that are important for you to get answers to, as “ridiculous” as some of them may be.  They will know and understand that the next few months are indeed going to determine how your life after divorce turns out and they will have a major role to play in it.

  • How long have you practiced family law?
  • Do you have past clients I can speak with?
  • What are your fees and what should I be aware off in terms of other (hidden) costs?
  • What do you think about family mediation?
  • What do I need to do to make the divorce process as smooth as possible?
  • What if I decided to change solicitors, what would that mean for me?

Finally, do trust your gut.  Always trust your gut.  Meet with at least 3 solicitors before making up your mind. Most solicitors offer an free consultation. Use it.

Good luck!

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the five-star-rated  online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

 

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Getting A Divorce? Then Prepare Yourself for the Ride.

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Soila Sindiyo Child Trauma Therapist and Founder of The Divorce Magazine
Soila Sindiyo
Child Trauma Therapist and Founder of The Divorce Magazine

If you and your partner have very recently decided to go your separate ways, the one thing I can tell you right now is that you will be all right. It may not seem like it but you will.

Having been through the process twice, I know that these next few weeks or months will be very likely shrouded in anger and hurt and accompanied by a seemingly bottomless bucket of resentment.

When getting a divorce, you will discover a side of you that you didn’t know existed such as your ability to be creative in how many ways you can hurt your ex emotionally and mentally and feel nothing.

If you’re not the one who initiated the divorce, you will find yourself a couple of steps behind your soon-to-be-ex-spouse in terms of accepting that the relationship is indeed over which will in turn hurt you or confuse you even more as you wonder, how come they are managing so well.

Well, the reason for that is that they have already done the processing while still married to you. There was a time they were where you are now.

You will do certain things believing deeply that they are in the best interest of the children like telling them that it’s really your partner’s fault that the family is breaking up and you would never do that to them.

You will discover what it means to have very long sleepless nights night after night, week after week, only to wake in the morning feeling not only exhausted but also even more determined to get your ex.

If you’re going through solicitors, you will at some point, confuse them for a therapist and pour your heart out to them not caring that you’re then, at that moment, paying them for a service they are not qualified to handle.

getting a divorce
Friends will fall away

If you have lived for months in denial that this day will come, accepting that it’s here, that it is what it is, feels impossible to do. You go through moments of thinking, “I’m sure I can rescue this,” only to realise that you can’t which immediately makes you jump back on the ever rotating wheel of very powerful negative emotions.

When it comes to the children, you swear that you will get full custody of them because suddenly, in the space of what seems like 24 hours, your soon-to-be ex has become the most incompetent parent you have ever seen! Even when someone explains to you that there is no such thing as full custody in the UK, you believe deeply that that is not fair and you will change the law if need be to “protect your children.”

When it comes to friends and relatives, you prefer to consult with the ones who will not only listen attentively to everything you say, but that they also back you up so much that they don’t realise that they are only fanning the flames of your anger, hurt and resentment. Who wants to speak with the objective, sensible ones?

This is war and you don’t have the time to be either logical, practical nor fair because as far as you’re concerned at this time, those are all characteristics of a loser.

Also watch how friends will fall away especially the ones whom you believed would be there for you. When this happens, don’t worry too much about it, you will deal with it later on down the line, for now, just know that they would have fallen away anyway at a later date in time divorce or not.

You’re probably beginning to think about all the meaningless sex you’re going to have with everyone and everybody because you haven’t had it for such a long time.

You begin to hope that the guy who works on second floor will finally ask you out because now you can say yes, skip dinner, coffee and straight to his.  Or you start planning how you will finally get to tell Susanna in Planning Department how much you’re hurting in the hope that she will take you home and look after you.

If you have recently decided to separate, you will be going through this and a whole other lot of emotions including fear, shock and a whole lot of loss of actual memory, which is quickly replaced by a whole lot of selective memory.

The next few weeks, months or even couple of years will not be easy but I promise you that you will get through this tunnel.

Divorce, unfortunately for some of us, is truly part of our life’s journey. You’re going through it now but it doesn’t need to define who you are just like being laid off work, which also brings on fear, shock and a sense of loss, doesn’t define who you are for the rest of your life.

You will find love again.

You will laugh again.

Your children will be fine again.

And your life will go on again.

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

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