Is it possible to have good qualities in a divorce?
The Answer is yes you can. You know how you feel when your doing things right and you get that great sensation that envelops your body your mind and your soul, sounds like great sex,.. oops. We’re not going down that road.
We understand that divorce ranks right up their next to death in the list of things that impact you, well the stress of divorce is an experience you really don’t want to have, deal with or face.
You know it’s easy to say, “I want a divorce”, but finding the right solution or making the right decision that merits fairness and equality as a result of your decision, that reality is indeed a bitter dose of, “I didn’t know it took all of this,” when you come face to face with divorce and say “I’m gonna get me a lawyer” that’s when the stuff starts to fly, the chickens are out of the coop.
I, like many of you, discovered that divorce is a transition that never stops. You are constantly in the adaptation mode every day, in every way. Sounds like a song, “Oh baby I keep going down this road never knowing when to make a turn, every day, in every way”.
The system seems to dictate that we find an attorney and I don’t know if that’s because we all foster resentment toward our spouses when divorce is at our door steps and the idea of divorce clutches our every existence.
We seem to think that the legal system offers a resolution to our marital problems and getting an attorney will finally bring a peaceful state of mind. Let me assure you getting an attorney is much like the game pick up the sticks, you know when you use one stick to remove another stick without moving the stick nestled below the stick your trying to pick up, now that was a mouth full well that’s divorce and that’s what getting a lawyer means.
We often think that a divorce attorney will articulate and or eradicate the perceived or ill perceived consequence of divorce, not necessarily true. Nothing prepares us for the staggering indignation of emotional baggage and turmoil… nothing.
But we can learn to lessen that pronounced severity by thinking quality, which is something we try to attain throughout our lives; a good quality of life, this is a proven fact to help and situate our actions for better results.
The person you enlist to help you through your adventure in the Divorce Horror Land, I use the word adventure, because it’s a trip through the divorce maze, which is much like dating and I don’t mean to insinuate that dating is a horror but in today’s climate it can be, that’s another story.
But think of divorce like this you’re constantly meeting new people telling them all about yourself and maybe it just doesn’t work out so you do it again and again and this goes on for several months and sometimes years.
I’m just saying that finding the perfect attorney the right attorney, counsellor, mediator, therapist will make the divorce process a lot more (less) challenging than the divorce it’s self.
What I am preparing you for, and that’s really what it’s all about preparing you, you’ve got to remember that getting and going through divorce is a process and finding the right piece to the process will take time but will make it all a lot easier on you and your family. It’s not as easy as 1,2,3 set me free, 1,2,3 help me to see. Just think positive when making decisions.
When looking to hire an attorney or other such experts or specialist to represent or consult you in your divorce, you should look for the following qualities and also nurture them within your self:
Ability to Communicate
Good communication with your divorce specialist is so very important. Don’t let anger or the, I’m-going-to get-even syndrome make your decisions. Effective communication of your concerns and expectations is paramount, your representative will need to clearly explain things to you regarding issues of your case and provide you with the best expectations.
It’s significant to your results that your attorney communicate with you, your spouse and your spouse’s attorney. Many issues will factor in establishing this process which will help in keeping the costs maintainable. There are other things you need your money for especially if you have children growing up, food, clothes, bills, bills bills and other deals.
You must resist combative situations. Resolution of the issues are important before you consider the legal system, but as you consider the legal system you must consider all aspects, I can’t stress, get rid of the stress. Important to your resolve, is the ability to communicate with all parties in establishing a cooperative relationship. It is important that you begin the thought process of what, happens when I am divorced, what will I do then?
What about court, in many cases court is a reality what’s important is that your representative be able to communicate your position and litigate appropriately and sometimes it can elevate costly court cost.
Skill and Experience
A good attorney can make the difference, if your a good client, because your divorce can and will touch upon sensitive aspects that will have ramification for your family, finances, retirement, career, etc.
So cover your bases be prepared make sure your team is prepared, preparation makes it work. Know that the people you select to represent you are authentic and professional make sure they are who they say they are.
Divorce is a process of blame and mis-treatment emotionally and sometimes physically this transfers into confrontational discussions which aren’t good.
There is something about hiring someone to do a job. You expect them to be at your beck and call. Well being a client of an attorney means that you are one of many so get that into your brain. Also every time you call think of a cash register. His or her time costs and you pay.
I call it pay to play divorce. When considering an attorney, look for someone who can be ready when you need them. You need someone who can respond to your inquiries in a timely manner. You want an attorney who will not put your case on the bottom of his/her client stack.
Know going in, that you have selected an attorney who has other clients; I must reiterate, “so don’t waste time, time is money”. Take advantage of his/her availability by being prepared.
It is important that you have a healthy attitude. This will assure your attorney that you have the ability to maintain your composure which means just staying calm and maintaining focus. Many times this will give you the edge during and after divorce. Much of what we think about in divorce, is repetitious. Divorce creates an assurance of things you can’t anticipate.
Divorce is not a one thing fixes all. It’s a smorgasbord of family issues and things that unwind the cord that binds the family together.
Their are so many parts and getting it right isn’t simply a document in your hand and you walk away happy ever after. It comes down to mastering all of the resources you need to keep your family whole and re-gain your balance as a family thus there are many facets to the process of expunging the ills that caused your divorce.
These symptoms are recognizable if you identify resources that can help you understand your issues.
A good attorney will have resources, it’s important that you recognize your attorney’s resources and have your own to help prepare your case in a timely manner.
I’m James Brown and this is Divorce The Talk Show, until next time Cope, Hope, and Heal.
James, grew up in San Francisco, and has lived in Salt Lake City, for over 25 plus, and is a second time divorcee with 4 children.
With his diverse background in television, both in front and behind the camera, Mr. Brown is the driving force behind the highly innovative production of Divorce The Talk Show; A New Beginning, a multi-platform production which is led by new media engagement using digital, mobile as well as the legacy media (television) platform to reach a growing number of people who have gone through a radical change in life via divorce.
Mr. Brown has a background that makes him unique and perfect to support effort to make change in divorce. He has been at the center of development in corporate recruiting programs including Discover Card which focused on youth and minorities; developed diverse training seminars for corporations; created programs that provided scholarships for deserving, disadvantaged students as well as building one of the finest film and television production studios (Salt Lake Studios) in the western U.S.A.