Well-being - Page 9

Maintaining your physical and emotional well-being is crucial during and after divorce. Find practical advice on self-care, stress management, and personal growth, including strategies for dealing with anxiety, depression, and other emotional challenges common during this life transition. Discover tools and techniques to nurture your mental health, rebuild self-esteem, and cultivate resilience as you navigate your new life chapter.

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Why Forgive?

Forgiving your ex can seem like a daunting task that has no merit for you. So why do it?

Webster’s Dictionary defines forgiving as “ceasing to feel resentment towards an offender”. Holding on to this resentment is a way to stay attached to your ex. Forgiveness is a way to sever these binding ties.

To start my forgiveness process, I imagined my ex with having strings around him like a marionette.

I then visualized giant scissors cutting through all of these strings until no more remained. I felt like a burden had been lifted from me and it was easier not to want any ties of resentment to attach me to him again.  Forgiveness is not about the other person, but rather about you.

You do not even have to tell anyone that you forgave your former spouse.

Holding on to a grudge, whether it is your spouse or an in-law, is detrimental to your health, such as by increasing your blood pressure.

Muscles tighten, restricting blood flow and oxygenation which in turn leads to headaches and worsening chronic pain. The esteemed Dr. Carl Simonton of the Simonton Cancer Center in California, stated that not practising forgiveness can lead to an “increased risk for cancer.”  Is your anger towards your former spouse worth all this?

During divorces, some people write a long letter regarding their anger and disappointment in their spouse.

They spilt their vitriol onto the pages and were amazed when they felt so much lighter afterwards. Destroy and do not send it.  The experience of writing that letter can lead to the path of forgiveness and healing.

I found a note in the bathroom stating my spouse was leaving me and I was fired from our small, jointly owned business.

In the space of seconds, I went from having a spouse and being employed to feeling like I was standing on the edge of a deep abyss.  I had to admit, and then process my shock first before I could even think of moving on.

My two sons and I were going out of town that morning and their father was leaving on a business trip.  My older son saw the note and wanted to continue with our trip plans for the long weekend.  I walked around Disneyland alternating between shock and euphoria.  After a week, I hired an attorney to start divorce proceedings.

Marie was bitter for decades after her divorce and held much resentment towards her former husband.  Her daughter married a similar type of man, so it was no surprise when she later got divorced too. Marie saw her own situation in her daughter’s and had a massive heart attack a year after her daughter’s divorce. A stroke followed and then a burial.  The daughter fortunately had decided to forgive her spouse during her divorce to avoid her mother’s complications. Sometimes even a bad example can spur us on to take a prudent path in our lives.

If you are having a difficult time forgiving, then talk to a therapist, life coach or your clergy.  They can help you to become unstuck and clear up any faulty thinking. What also helped me was writing positive affirmations on coloured index cards about forgiveness and other issues.

Author Catherine Ponder has a selection of excellent positive affirmations in her books. One that I used was “I now fully forgive everyone including myself. I let go and everybody who is not part of my Divine plan is no longer part of my life. I am free of resentment from my past and present.” I said variations of this every day.

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Coping with Divorce – Pilates Tips on Coping with Stress

Coping with Divorce - Pilates Tips on Coping with Stress
Rosa
www.pilatespluswellness.com

Many of us have stress in our lives whether it is with relationships, difficult work experiences or just the pace of life in general using London as an example. We are so used to trying to juggle work, relationships, children etc, etc and be fit and healthy as well.

I have seen many clients wanting to lose weight and they are making a huge effort with exercise but not seeing any results.

Often those people are the ones with very stressful lifestyles and the stress hormones flying around their bodies, there is no wonder it can be a challenge for some to get to their desired body weight if this is their aim.

Also, the comfort eating that can possibly go with the stress we experience or the tiredness and lack of sleep are all contributors to us having a not-so-healthy life and feeling of well-being.

Some people go the other way when they have trauma in their life and can’t eat and lose weight, all of which is obviously not helping us have well-being and balance.  So, this is why it is obviously a good idea to look at ways of being able to manage stress, keeping our body in balance and having tools to use when life feels like it is getting really tough!

The first challenge is getting started if you haven’t already and to make sure you stick to it, realise that it takes 21 days to form a habit. I highly recommend starting with just setting 20 minutes a day without fail for 21 days of the type of exercise you really enjoy most. Whether this is Pilates combined with flowing movement or going for a power walk/run or swimming.

As long as you commit that time for 21 days is the most important thing. If you want to do longer that’s really great but 20 minutes is the minimum.

The reason for this is that we often feel overwhelmed with the thought of not having enough time, or not feeling motivated or if we are feeling really down, it’s hard to get started.  So we need to make the goals manageable and realistic. Once you have formed your habit of doing the exercise for 21 days you are more likely to continue this and set out a routine.

Doing 20 minutes of exercise daily or 3x a week is all you need to see results in your body and how you feel. When we exercise we release feel-good hormones (endorphins) which help us with our energy, and happiness and also help relax us.

The opposite of what the stress hormone (cortisol) does! When we feel good about ourselves and with energy and calmness is it so much easier to deal with life situations and gives us a focus on ourselves.

Setting time for yourself to exercise also will help with your confidence.

We are valuing ourselves, giving ourselves this time and seeing aesthetically pleasing differences in our appearance. This will motivate you to continue.

I recommend taking measurements for yourself monthly to see what results you are achieving, as the scales do not always show the amount of inches you are losing!

Also, I get my clients to fill out a wellness wheel and set monthly goals to help them make small changes, that for them, will help them feel happier, and healthier and get the results they want. Muscle weighs more than fat after all.

Coping with Divorce - Pilates Tips on Coping with Stress

Doing Pilates especially will help with inch loss and all my clients who stick to a daily programme for the first 5 weeks, all see inches drop off! As well as feeling calm and able to cope with situations better. Some will see their body totally transformed.  Walking taller, feeling slimmer, stronger, being more relaxed from deep breathing, just to mention a few benefits!

When we have stress in our bodies and minds, we hold on to tension in our muscles and don’t realise how tight everything is until it’s released! Hence, why do some people’s shoulders feel up to their ears, they have backaches etc, etc.

So, Pilates will definitely help counteract this and help you stretch out and release all that stored-up tension that stress can create. Everything is energy, including stress so you have to shift that energy and move to release it and let go.

I have a ten-minute YouTube clip for you to help you stretch out daily on my charity and media page on my website. We also have a ten-minute abdominal blitz for strength and tone – just below this article.

I highly recommend coming to a class if you have not done Pilates before so you know you are doing the exercises correctly.

As well as Pilates, doing weights, power walking, and running all help increase our heart rate and keep us fit and burning unwanted calories as well. The more muscle we have in our body the more efficiently we burn fat due to our metabolism being more efficient and working at a staying at a higher rate throughout the day due to the exercise we have done.

As well as this, you will have more energy for your day or if you are exercising at the end of the day you will feel more relaxed and able to sleep better.

Everyone is different so the time of day you exercise needs to fit in with what works best with your schedule and what feels best for you. The important factor is you do it! The value of being able to sleep better if you are experiencing stress in your life, would be quite high I am guessing! If you need help with a fitness routine to do for yourself, please do contact me as I have a team of personal trainers and Pilates teachers combined, who can help you with your individual goals as well as help motivate you.

If you have a day where everything has been too much, even just focusing on breathing deeply in through your nose, expanding your ribcage and breathing down to your abdomen. Breathing out through your mouth and just focusing on your breath will be a great stress release if nothing else. Many clients often feel amazing after a class simply from the breathing and focus on their body and breath.

So if all else fails, just do this for your stress management for ten or twenty minutes to feel calmer more centred and grounded. Combine this with the stretches, concentration, relaxation co-ordination and alignment strength and stamina Pilates can offer you.

Further information is on my website. www.pilatespluswellness.com.  I hope this article has been helpful and has given you some useful tips and support to help you manage stress.

About Rosa

Rosa Whitehead founded Pilatespluswellness Ltd as a natural extension of her passion for health and her desire to help her clients feel the best they can in their bodies and minds. Rosa decided to combine Pilates, Personal Training and Life Coaching, utilising a holistic approach, which has proven to get sustainable and achievable results for clients.

Whatever your needs, whether they are increasing fitness levels, decreasing stress, inch loss or recovering from an injury, Rosa will provide you with the approach that best suits your needs and will also incorporate various coaching techniques to help with your focus, motivation and inspiration.

Rosa’s passion for helping people feel good in both body and mind is conveyed in the training and teaching she provides. Her aim is to inspire and motivate you to feel the best you can and to help you reach your health goals, whatever they may be.

Rosa has clients of all ages, ranging from their early 20s to late 70s, and all have seen a great difference in their shape and movement since combining Pilates with their weight training regime. They are also able to relax and concentrate a lot more effectively.

Rosa is a gifted and experienced personal trainer and I greatly enjoy training with her. She makes each session fun; she motivates me and knows how to get the most out of me.
Importantly, Rosa produces results!

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