Well-being - Page 9

Maintaining your physical and emotional well-being is crucial during and after divorce. Find practical advice on self-care, stress management, and personal growth, including strategies for dealing with anxiety, depression, and other emotional challenges common during this life transition. Discover tools and techniques to nurture your mental health, rebuild self-esteem, and cultivate resilience as you navigate your new life chapter.

The 5 Sensuality Secrets

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Sharon Simpson Boudoir Photographer

Sensuality is a luscious word, take your time as you say it: sen-su-al-ity, luxuriate over each syllable.  Just like when you’re eating something delicious, you slowly savour each morsel to make it last that bit longer.

Being sensual is feeling connected to the present. As you focus your attention on any one of your senses, you can allow yourself to become absorbed in the moment; listen to the sound of your breathing, open your eyes wider and notice the thousands of colours or feel the touch of whatever’s at the end of your fingertips.

Even for 30 seconds you’ll notice it’s remarkably easy to draw your attention inwards.

I photograph women who are transitioning, transforming and loving themselves even more. Each has a different reason for choosing boudoir but there is a common thread; they’re doing something for themselves. Which is extremely empowering.

Here are my 5 Secrets of Sensuality, I invite you to choose one or all of them to play with, to have fun with, add your own, make up your way of experiencing them. What do you notice, how do you feel, what are you saying to yourself?

Sensuality Secret No.1 – Be engaged

Secret no.1 means committing yourself to the moment.  I’ve learned that that level of engagement takes practice also it’s not necessary to be engrossed all the time, we do need a break.  Washing up should still be a time to fantasise yourself sipping strawberry daquiris in your luxury Ibizan villa.

Here’s a suggestion for you, practice by choosing activities that you enjoy. It sounds simple, because it is. I’ve begun Crossfit training, it is the first exercise programme I’ve found where my mind stays with my body and what it’s doing, I leave feeling energised, supercharged. It’s incredible! I love it. When I’m shooting someone, I get completely absorbed, finish tired, yet feel awakened.

What do you do to fully engage?

Sensuality Secret No.2 – Be aware

Boudoir PhotographyOf what is around you and surround yourself with what pleases your eye. Nature is the obvious choice, however, I’d like to invite you to take a closer look at home.

As a photographer, I see ‘pictures’ everywhere, I have a way of seeing, unusual shapes, shadows, reflections and textures. I’m also always touching things: flowers, furniture, walls, displays, it connects me to my world.

Identify with what is around you. Home is an excellent place to start. I had a clear out recently which reintroduced me to many things I’d ‘forgotten’ I owned, it triggered pleasant memories. Souvenirs I’d bought, photographs stored in boxes of my younger children.

When was the last time you picked up a photograph or object in your home and studied it, allowed yourself to go to a pleasing memory? Take a simple trip around the home you have built for yourself and love what you have created.

Sensuality Secret No.3 – Be Playful

Did you do this as a child, spin around until you got so dizzy you’d let yourself collapse on the floor?  I used to love doing it on the grass in the park, twirling around looking up the sky as it got blurrier and blurrier with my arms outstretched.

I noticed a little girl about 6 years old in a restaurant where I was sharing a meal with my husband. The girl was spinning around and around, in her own world, silently playing. She was a picture of beauty.

Secret no.3 encourages you to let the playful you come out. What would you do? Skip, have a little rough and tumble, sing at the top of your lungs?

Sensuality Secret No.4 – Be uninhibited

Boudoir PhotographyHave you ever been to a workshop, class, or event where you’ve wanted to contribute to the discussion but shrunk instead? As a nation we are embarrassed aren’t we? It starts when we’re teenagers, and can sometimes continue into adulthood, and cause us problems when we want to express ourselves.

Choosing secret no.4, to be uninhibited is an invitation to stop censoring yourself. Give yourself the voice to speak up, throw your head back and laugh outrageously, let go on the dance floor and really feel the music pulsating through your body.

Sensuality Secret No.5 – Be sexy

Sexy is definitely not just for the bedroom. It’s a state of mind. The biggest sex organ is the brain, doesn’t that make sense? Being sexy is choosing how you think about your sexual, sensual self. Sexy is about confidence, pride, courage, laughter.

Sexy is in the way you move, the tone of your voice, and the thoughts in your head.

Sexy is whenever you choose.

Secret no.5 combines all my 5 Secrets of Sensuality, they’re simply states of mind, you can access them any time, by choosing how you think, it’ll change how you feel and connect you to your sensual self.

How will you interpret my 5 Secrets of Sensuality? What ways do you engage with your sensual self?

With love

Sharon Simpson

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it's good to talk

It’s Good to Talk

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It's good to talk
Karen Chappell
Health Coach at
Bodylogiq

Separation and Divorce – you don’t have to go through it alone.  Find someone you trust to talk to, it will help and it is “good to talk”.

There’s a whole host of emotions that surface in times of change; fear, anger, numbness, regret, sadness and anything in between.

If you talk to someone else about your personal life, you may feel as though you’re betraying someone you were once close to and loved, and possibly still do. Perhaps it just doesn’t feel right to talk about them behind their back but you can’t talk to them either.

However, if you work with a qualified therapist they are there to help and are ethically bound to keep your comments confidential.  They won’t judge you or your partner, it will start to put your mind more at ease and help to clarify your thoughts.

You could also call on a family member or friend you trust to help you through the emotional and financial upheaval.

Another couple of suggestions you may find helpful is writing in a journal or recording an audio diary, which ever works for you.  They don’t have to be saved, sometimes it is enough just to ‘off load’ to an external source and then to destroy the journal or delete the recording.

Talk about your fears; fear of not knowing whether you can cope financially or whether you can live on your own. Will you feel lonely?

How will you make new friends if your friends were friends of you both?

How will you be able to look after your children and how will you share responsibility of childcare? How will you tell family and friends that your partnership, or marriage, has ended? Will they judge you as a failure? Will you manage the practical aspects of keeping a different home and transport?

family mediation
Direct Consultation with Children in Family Mediation

Do you feel the need to cope and be strong all of the time?  If this works for you that’s good, but if being strong is causing you to be angry, in pain, due to the physical stress imposed on your body, or exhausted you should reconsider how beneficial this strategy has become and try to find a new way forward.

At the other end of the scale is detachment, lack of emotions, feeling alone and vulnerable.   Talking can help you to come to terms with the situation.  If you feel that you have failed remember that none of us are perfect and we each try to achieve our best at that moment in time.

Questions, question, questions…..  If there is so much buzzing around the mind, just pick any question the first one that comes into your head and talk it through.  You may not achieve a solution but you will have made a start towards clarity of your mind and future.

You may not believe it now; but you will be able to deal with life’s challenges, you will cope in your own way and in your own time.  Every now and again take time to do things just for you.  Go for a walk, shout, sing, read, cycle, be creative with your favourite hobby or craft, take a relaxing bath, sleep, be with friends, be with family or take care of yourself in some way, however small.

Try to increase your self-esteem and gain a sense of new normality in an uncertain world.

If you’d like to find a therapist in your area or would like more information have a look at www.itsgoodtotalk.org.uk/  or  www.relate.org.uk

Look after yourself, Karen 

photo credit: Chatting in the Park via photopin (license)

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Moving Home after Divorce

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Moving Home after Divorce
Ingrid Jansen – Founder of Organise Your House

Do you want to know what needs doing when moving home after a divorce?  The Divorce Magazine spoke with Ingrid Jansen, professional organiser and founder of Organise Your House, for advice.

You’ve decided you and your partner are no longer going to be living together and it’s best to part ways. Of course, it all depends on whether you or your ex-partner will stay in the current house and if there are children involved in the process.

The most important thing to realise is that these processes take time and it is not only about possessions that decisions need to be made about.  Of course, if the communication between you is amicable and reasonable it will be so much easier to move on!

Here are Ingrid’s top 3 tips:

1:  Divide your possessions equally amongst each other. What is the point in having a whole kitchen inventory while you or your ex-partner will be moving into a tiny apartment? The same goes for the bedding, the dvd’s and cd’s, etc. Disagreeing over these “small” things can cause unnecessary stress and will complicate the move. What can help is making a list of everything you both own and cross on the list who wants to have what. Only the things that you both want, need to be discussed, the rest is divided.

2:  It’s not only material things that need sorting. It’s time to get really organised about the paperwork and the money as well. Closing down the mutual bank account should be on the list of things to do and taking your or your ex-partner’s name off the council tax and utilities bill as well. The same goes for credit cards and other items that involve money. Make sure you also sort out mortgage or rental agreements.

3:  If there are children and/or pets involved you will always be involved in each other’s lives. Make clear arrangements about who has the children when and who is involved in picking up, dropping off, bringing to clubs etc. The more transparency in the schedule the easier it is for both to rebuild your lives again.

Need some help? Get in the professional

If you find the whole process of de-cluttering and organising too daunting and would like an extra pair of hands to help you, please contact Ingrid Jansen of Organise Your House (www.organise-your-house.co.uk or call 078-65465100).

About Ingrid Jansen

She’s a de-clutter expert and has been helping her clients get organised for years. Her background in Hotel- and Facilities Management is a great asset when helping her clients.

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Pitfalls of Self-Medication

Pitfalls of Self-Medication

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Do not fall into the trap of self-medicating to alleviate the emotional pain of divorce.

It does not eliminate the past; it just postpones it in a destructive way.  it does not allow you to clearly and deeply process and release these emotions.  Taking illicit drugs, alcohol or too much prescription medication is detrimental to your body, spirit and those around you.

Cathy was happily married, with a young daughter, and building a dream house with her husband.  They regularly entertained, rode horses, did community service and had a great life.

Cathy had overcome a drinking problem in the past and was a fragile person who felt life’s blows acutely.  Her husband took some business trips out of state and met a married woman in his line of work.  This woman previously had an affair and then divorced her husband to marry her lover.  Cathy received a phone call from the other woman’s husband when their spouses were having an affair.  Cathy could not cope and began a downward spiral with alcohol.

Cathy’s husband divorced her and married another woman, who moved into the dream house.  The couple deviously campaigned to obtain full custody of the daughter and were successful, partly due to Cathy’s increased drinking.

Cathy’s parents helped tremendously, but still, she had a breakdown and was put on medication. This drama continued, culminating when the new wife refused to let the daughter call her mother on Mother’s Day.  By now the daughter was older and possibly could have called her mother surreptitiously.

A few days later, Cathy took an unintentional overdose of prescription medication, compounded by alcohol, and died.

Enjoying a margarita with the girls, or having a glass of wine while watching a chick flick, is not self-medication.  Drinking because one cannot deal with the pain of life’s problems.  Be careful to take prescription medication only as directed and do not mix it with alcohol…

…It is not worth giving your husband ammunition in a custody battle, by drinking or taking drugs.  You do not know when a surprise drug test may be ordered by the court if there are rumours of usage.  You are teaching your children a crucial life skill when you constructively deal with your problems.

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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surviving divorce
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Surviving Divorce: The First Year

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After the tsunami of stress and paperwork subsides and the air clears the new divorcee can feel like they are clinging to a wreckage of their lives.  It is not unusual to feel a visceral sensation of grief for the loss of what was, of shared dreams and even of status. This has, after all, been one of life’s greatest traumas.

CA 2011 5
Carole Ann Rice

 Now you are no longer married then who are you?  This is a natural feeling of sadness and perhaps fear as you face the future, the unknown, maybe on your own after many years or even for the first time ever. You must show yourself compassion and patience at this time of readjustment.   The changes will feel huge, to begin with until a routine and a sense of normality returns.  Which, rest assured, it will.

 It’s not a time for kicking heels and making rash decisions but one of quiet contemplation as you wait for the dust to settle and to work out your options.

Understand that it is entirely alright to feel anxious as you find your way.  Family and friends can be a great support at this time so take up the offers of help they may give.  Alternatively, if you feel you would be burdening loved ones seek our divorce support groups which meet regularly where you can hook up with others going through the same thing you are.

Letting go of the past is not a quick and easy process but give yourself time to aim for acceptance of what is and therein lies peace.

It might help to sit down and write out some lovely and compelling goals for the year ahead.  Shopping for new fixtures and fittings for the home, perhaps a make-over with a personal stylist, new hobbies and interests, social dates and holidays.

You would be surprised at how a new haircut and some updated new clothes can lift the spirits and energise one.  Many big chains and department stores now offer free “personal shopper” services which can add inspiration if you are feeling stuck in rut with your looks.

You may feel that your confidence and self-esteem have taken a dive and again this is only natural so think of ways of restoring yourself by doing what you love and being with people who make you feel good too.

When confidence is low take stock of what your strengths and values are and write them down.  Keep a “Big Me Up” journal where you write down all your achievements, all you are good at and any compliments or positive comments you receive.  Soon you will see the evidence of your strengths outweighs the doubts of your inner demons.

If you have children it is important they see you are coping and equally OK to tell them you are sad and distressed by the break too.  No matter how bitter you are feeling at the moment try not to vent your feelings in from of them.

Avoid bad-mouthing your ex or encouraging them to take sides.  Wherever possible aim for harmony, which isn’t always easy and will take effort, which will pay dividends in the years to come when family gatherings and landmark occasions can be conducted with dignity and respect.

If you are feeling lonely be cautious of rebound relationships.  It’s only natural to want to start afresh and to seek validation via a new partner.  Sadly this could be disastrous if you haven’t fully let go of your spouse, the relationship and the fallout or any negative emotions (anger, betrayal, jealousy, rage, disappointment, resentment) that still linger could sabotage your chances with a new partner.

All relationships come with some emotional baggage but better to give a new relationship the best chance by taking time out to recover and look after yourself.  Decide instead to see the months ahead as an investment in the self where you take time to restore and re-gather and start to stabilise life again.

It may take time but many people do go on to have new and exciting lives post-divorce.  It can be a time when you learn more about yourself, enjoy a newfound liberation and devote your time to finding out who you are and what you now want from your life.

As one door closes another opens.  Prepare for the new chapter in your life with hope, acceptance and a sense of curiosity and you could find a new level of wisdom and life fulfilment you have never reached before.

An inspiring and motivational business and life coach Carole Ann uses wit and wisdom to teleport her clients into their full potential for over 10 years. Carole Ann is also the co-author of Find Your Dream Job and her new book Find Your Dream Business came out in April 2013.

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Why Forgive?

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Forgiving your ex can seem like a daunting task that has no merit for you. So why do it?

Webster’s Dictionary defines forgiving as “ceasing to feel resentment towards an offender”. Holding on to this resentment is a way to stay attached to your ex. Forgiveness is a way to sever these binding ties.

To start my forgiveness process, I imagined my ex with having strings around him like a marionette.

I then visualized giant scissors cutting through all of these strings until no more remained. I felt like a burden had been lifted from me and it was easier not to want any ties of resentment to attach me to him again.  Forgiveness is not about the other person, but rather about you.

You do not even have to tell anyone that you forgave your former spouse.

Holding on to a grudge, whether it is your spouse or an in-law, is detrimental to your health, such as by increasing your blood pressure.

Muscles tighten, restricting blood flow and oxygenation which in turn leads to headaches and worsening chronic pain. The esteemed Dr. Carl Simonton of the Simonton Cancer Center in California, stated that not practising forgiveness can lead to an “increased risk for cancer.”  Is your anger towards your former spouse worth all this?

During divorces, some people write a long letter regarding their anger and disappointment in their spouse.

They spilt their vitriol onto the pages and were amazed when they felt so much lighter afterwards. Destroy and do not send it.  The experience of writing that letter can lead to the path of forgiveness and healing.

I found a note in the bathroom stating my spouse was leaving me and I was fired from our small, jointly owned business.

In the space of seconds, I went from having a spouse and being employed to feeling like I was standing on the edge of a deep abyss.  I had to admit, and then process my shock first before I could even think of moving on.

My two sons and I were going out of town that morning and their father was leaving on a business trip.  My older son saw the note and wanted to continue with our trip plans for the long weekend.  I walked around Disneyland alternating between shock and euphoria.  After a week, I hired an attorney to start divorce proceedings.

Marie was bitter for decades after her divorce and held much resentment towards her former husband.  Her daughter married a similar type of man, so it was no surprise when she later got divorced too. Marie saw her own situation in her daughter’s and had a massive heart attack a year after her daughter’s divorce. A stroke followed and then a burial.  The daughter fortunately had decided to forgive her spouse during her divorce to avoid her mother’s complications. Sometimes even a bad example can spur us on to take a prudent path in our lives.

If you are having a difficult time forgiving, then talk to a therapist, life coach or your clergy.  They can help you to become unstuck and clear up any faulty thinking. What also helped me was writing positive affirmations on coloured index cards about forgiveness and other issues.

Author Catherine Ponder has a selection of excellent positive affirmations in her books. One that I used was “I now fully forgive everyone including myself. I let go and everybody who is not part of my Divine plan is no longer part of my life. I am free of resentment from my past and present.” I said variations of this every day.

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Coping with Divorce – Pilates Tips on Coping with Stress

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Coping with Divorce - Pilates Tips on Coping with Stress
Rosa
www.pilatespluswellness.com

Many of us have stress in our lives whether it is with relationships, difficult work experiences or just the pace of life in general using London as an example. We are so used to trying to juggle work, relationships, children etc, etc and be fit and healthy as well.

I have seen many clients wanting to lose weight and they are making a huge effort with exercise but not seeing any results.

Often those people are the ones with very stressful lifestyles and the stress hormones flying around their bodies, there is no wonder it can be a challenge for some to get to their desired body weight if this is their aim.

Also, the comfort eating that can possibly go with the stress we experience or the tiredness and lack of sleep are all contributors to us having a not-so-healthy life and feeling of well-being.

Some people go the other way when they have trauma in their life and can’t eat and lose weight, all of which is obviously not helping us have well-being and balance.  So, this is why it is obviously a good idea to look at ways of being able to manage stress, keeping our body in balance and having tools to use when life feels like it is getting really tough!

The first challenge is getting started if you haven’t already and to make sure you stick to it, realise that it takes 21 days to form a habit. I highly recommend starting with just setting 20 minutes a day without fail for 21 days of the type of exercise you really enjoy most. Whether this is Pilates combined with flowing movement or going for a power walk/run or swimming.

As long as you commit that time for 21 days is the most important thing. If you want to do longer that’s really great but 20 minutes is the minimum.

The reason for this is that we often feel overwhelmed with the thought of not having enough time, or not feeling motivated or if we are feeling really down, it’s hard to get started.  So we need to make the goals manageable and realistic. Once you have formed your habit of doing the exercise for 21 days you are more likely to continue this and set out a routine.

Doing 20 minutes of exercise daily or 3x a week is all you need to see results in your body and how you feel. When we exercise we release feel-good hormones (endorphins) which help us with our energy, and happiness and also help relax us.

The opposite of what the stress hormone (cortisol) does! When we feel good about ourselves and with energy and calmness is it so much easier to deal with life situations and gives us a focus on ourselves.

Setting time for yourself to exercise also will help with your confidence.

We are valuing ourselves, giving ourselves this time and seeing aesthetically pleasing differences in our appearance. This will motivate you to continue.

I recommend taking measurements for yourself monthly to see what results you are achieving, as the scales do not always show the amount of inches you are losing!

Also, I get my clients to fill out a wellness wheel and set monthly goals to help them make small changes, that for them, will help them feel happier, and healthier and get the results they want. Muscle weighs more than fat after all.

Coping with Divorce - Pilates Tips on Coping with Stress

Doing Pilates especially will help with inch loss and all my clients who stick to a daily programme for the first 5 weeks, all see inches drop off! As well as feeling calm and able to cope with situations better. Some will see their body totally transformed.  Walking taller, feeling slimmer, stronger, being more relaxed from deep breathing, just to mention a few benefits!

When we have stress in our bodies and minds, we hold on to tension in our muscles and don’t realise how tight everything is until it’s released! Hence, why do some people’s shoulders feel up to their ears, they have backaches etc, etc.

So, Pilates will definitely help counteract this and help you stretch out and release all that stored-up tension that stress can create. Everything is energy, including stress so you have to shift that energy and move to release it and let go.

I have a ten-minute YouTube clip for you to help you stretch out daily on my charity and media page on my website. We also have a ten-minute abdominal blitz for strength and tone – just below this article.

I highly recommend coming to a class if you have not done Pilates before so you know you are doing the exercises correctly.

As well as Pilates, doing weights, power walking, and running all help increase our heart rate and keep us fit and burning unwanted calories as well. The more muscle we have in our body the more efficiently we burn fat due to our metabolism being more efficient and working at a staying at a higher rate throughout the day due to the exercise we have done.

As well as this, you will have more energy for your day or if you are exercising at the end of the day you will feel more relaxed and able to sleep better.

Everyone is different so the time of day you exercise needs to fit in with what works best with your schedule and what feels best for you. The important factor is you do it! The value of being able to sleep better if you are experiencing stress in your life, would be quite high I am guessing! If you need help with a fitness routine to do for yourself, please do contact me as I have a team of personal trainers and Pilates teachers combined, who can help you with your individual goals as well as help motivate you.

If you have a day where everything has been too much, even just focusing on breathing deeply in through your nose, expanding your ribcage and breathing down to your abdomen. Breathing out through your mouth and just focusing on your breath will be a great stress release if nothing else. Many clients often feel amazing after a class simply from the breathing and focus on their body and breath.

So if all else fails, just do this for your stress management for ten or twenty minutes to feel calmer more centred and grounded. Combine this with the stretches, concentration, relaxation co-ordination and alignment strength and stamina Pilates can offer you.

Further information is on my website. www.pilatespluswellness.com.  I hope this article has been helpful and has given you some useful tips and support to help you manage stress.

About Rosa

Rosa Whitehead founded Pilatespluswellness Ltd as a natural extension of her passion for health and her desire to help her clients feel the best they can in their bodies and minds. Rosa decided to combine Pilates, Personal Training and Life Coaching, utilising a holistic approach, which has proven to get sustainable and achievable results for clients.

Whatever your needs, whether they are increasing fitness levels, decreasing stress, inch loss or recovering from an injury, Rosa will provide you with the approach that best suits your needs and will also incorporate various coaching techniques to help with your focus, motivation and inspiration.

Rosa’s passion for helping people feel good in both body and mind is conveyed in the training and teaching she provides. Her aim is to inspire and motivate you to feel the best you can and to help you reach your health goals, whatever they may be.

Rosa has clients of all ages, ranging from their early 20s to late 70s, and all have seen a great difference in their shape and movement since combining Pilates with their weight training regime. They are also able to relax and concentrate a lot more effectively.

Rosa is a gifted and experienced personal trainer and I greatly enjoy training with her. She makes each session fun; she motivates me and knows how to get the most out of me.
Importantly, Rosa produces results!

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