Separation and Divorce – you don’t have to go through it alone. Find someone you trust to talk to, it will help and it is “good to talk”.
There’s a whole host of emotions that surface in times of change; fear, anger, numbness, regret, sadness and anything in between.
If you talk to someone else about your personal life, you may feel as though you’re betraying someone you were once close to and loved, and possibly still do. Perhaps it just doesn’t feel right to talk about them behind their back but you can’t talk to them either.
However, if you work with a qualified therapist they are there to help and are ethically bound to keep your comments confidential. They won’t judge you or your partner, it will start to put your mind more at ease and help to clarify your thoughts.
You could also call on a family member or friend you trust to help you through the emotional and financial upheaval.
Another couple of suggestions you may find helpful is writing in a journal or recording an audio diary, which ever works for you. They don’t have to be saved, sometimes it is enough just to ‘off load’ to an external source and then to destroy the journal or delete the recording.
Talk about your fears; fear of not knowing whether you can cope financially or whether you can live on your own. Will you feel lonely?
How will you make new friends if your friends were friends of you both?
How will you be able to look after your children and how will you share responsibility of childcare? How will you tell family and friends that your partnership, or marriage, has ended? Will they judge you as a failure? Will you manage the practical aspects of keeping a different home and transport?
Do you feel the need to cope and be strong all of the time? If this works for you that’s good, but if being strong is causing you to be angry, in pain, due to the physical stress imposed on your body, or exhausted you should reconsider how beneficial this strategy has become and try to find a new way forward.
At the other end of the scale is detachment, lack of emotions, feeling alone and vulnerable. Talking can help you to come to terms with the situation. If you feel that you have failed remember that none of us are perfect and we each try to achieve our best at that moment in time.
Questions, question, questions….. If there is so much buzzing around the mind, just pick any question the first one that comes into your head and talk it through. You may not achieve a solution but you will have made a start towards clarity of your mind and future.
You may not believe it now; but you will be able to deal with life’s challenges, you will cope in your own way and in your own time. Every now and again take time to do things just for you. Go for a walk, shout, sing, read, cycle, be creative with your favourite hobby or craft, take a relaxing bath, sleep, be with friends, be with family or take care of yourself in some way, however small.
Try to increase your self-esteem and gain a sense of new normality in an uncertain world.
“The counselling made a huge difference to me. I’m feeling quite positive now. I still have bad days, but they don’t engulf me in the way they did before.”
Look after yourself, Karen