Sara Davison

forget your ex
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10 Essential Steps on How to Forget your Ex and Find You

Published on
Sara Davison
Sara Davison
Divorce and Break-up Coach

For those of you who have been dealing with a difficult breakup this year it will have taken its toll.

Emotional stress from the rollercoaster of negative emotions combined with the new practical challenges that come with being newly single can be overwhelming.

A breakup will cause a ripple effect across the whole of your life and effect all areas including your friends, family, home life, career and future plans.

The new year is traditionally a time for making resolutions about your future, making a commitment to enforce changes and to wipe the slate clean. It gives you the chance for a fresh start and a new you.

With a breakup it can seem like you are at the mercy of your ex’s actions and emotions. If there is ongoing conflict it may seem like you will never be free from them and if you have children together you may feel like you can’t avoid getting caught up in their lives still.

If you have been hurt by the breakup or suffered from a betrayal or controlling behaviour it may seem like you will permanently have to carry those scars with you.

If you are still struggling to move forward with your life and feel stuck in a rut then it’s time to decide if this is how you want to live your life. If you are spending time and energy thinking or worrying about your ex then they still have control over you whether you are with them or not. It’s time to grab back your power and stop giving it away and get back in the driving seat of your life.

The truth is that YOU control the remote control to your brain.

This means that you can choose how you decide to react to the things your ex does and says. It may take some practice but it is possible and I know this as I have done it myself and have helped many of my clients take back their control too.

In order to start the year off in the right way you have to commit to taking action, to doing things different and to embracing the challenge to create a fresh start.

Here are my 10 top tips on how to forget your ex and start thriving after your breakup:

  1. Spend time with good people: We are all influenced by the quality of the people we surround ourselves with as other attitudes and behaviours will rub off on us after a while. Make sure you create a positive and supportive team of friends, family and advisors around you.
  1. Healthy body means a healthy mind: Keep a balanced diet and make sure you feed your body enough healthy fuel so that it can give you the energy you need. If you feel in good form your mind will be stronger to deal with challenges as they come up.
  1. Be kind to yourself: Don’t beat yourself up for feeling low or crying. It is a natural part of the grieving process after your breakup. Remember that it is not a permanent state of mind and it part of the healing process as you let go.
  1. It’s time to let go of your ex: Write a list of all the things that didn’t like about your ex and your relationship. Keep these to hand so you can read them if you start to feel sad. We tend to focus on all the good things we no longer have in our life which stops us from moving forward. It helps to take off those rose-tinted glasses and take a long hard look at what the things that mad you sad that you no longer have to tolerate.
  1. Get active: Plan your weeks ahead to keep you busy. Start saying “yes” to invitations and get out of the house more. Staying home alone all the time will amplify feelings of loneliness so make arrangements and stick to them.
  1. Do things you love: It’s time to put yourself first now and look after yourself. Schedule in your diary to do things that make you enjoy and also that make you laugh. We all need some fun in our lives to add some sparkle so make a list of things such as coffee with friends, trampolining, a day trip, a massage, buying a some new clothes.
  1. Make small changes: It’s time to take back control of your life so to do that its key to make some changes. These can be small changes such as moving the furniture around in your home to make it feel different, cooking new meals, using a different supermarket or wearing a new colour that you love. If you continue to do the things you used to do with your ex it will be harder to move on.
  1. Time to revamp your life: Start thinking about where you want to be in 1 years time. This will help you to keep moving forward with life and avoid getting stuck thinking about the past. Look to make some larger changes such as revamping your career or health by setting some goals. Let your close friends know about what you have decided to do so they can help you stick to your new goals.
  1. Create your bucket list: Write a list of things that you are really excited to do in your life. Activities that you can do now that maybe you never could have done if you were still in your relationship. These could include learning a new skill, taking up a new hobby, travelling somewhere you always dreamed to visit or even climbing Everest!
  1. Change your focus: Practice finding the good in every situation and focusing on that. What if you believed that this breakup was actually a great opportunity and you now have the chance to redesign your life just the way you want it? That would make a huge difference to your life and it is possible.

Decide that you want to make some changes to get your life back on track and commit to taking some actions to make it your new reality.

It is possible. I have done it and my clients are doing it right now. Remember that it’s not what happens to you in life that counts, it’s what you do about it that defines you as a person.

So grab back control of your life and get ready for a new you!

ABOUT SARA

Sara Davison is a highly credible life and business expert whose own personal experience has led to her creating a unique divorce coaching programme designed to support individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to journey through divorce.

An NLP Master Practitioner, with 16 years’ coaching experience, Sara has successfully built and developed a global business and has worked with some of the top names in personal development such as ; Anthony Robbins, Paul McKenna, Barefoot Doctor and more.

With a wealth of experience helping others through challenging situations, as well as the experience of her own marriage breakdown, Sara was inspired to create a bespoke divorce coaching program that would help guide those battling through the process of divorce. The program offers tailored, practical advice and strategies to help people move forward.

Sara’s aim is to change the stigma associated with divorce in the UK. She wants to encourage people to ask for help, and teach people the skills to get from where they are to where they want to be.

For more information see saradavison.com for more details.

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Reasons People Stay in Unhappy Relationships

Top 5 Reasons People Stay in Unhappy Relationships

Published on
Sara Davison
Sara Davison
Divorce and Break-up Coach

“I’m scared to leave my relationship and that’s why I’ve stayed for so long” a recent client told me during a coaching session.

In fact I probably hear this at least 5 times a week for a variety of different reasons.

This particular client had been unhappy in her relationship for several years but she hadn’t felt able to leave because she had children who were both under 10 years old.

She explained part of her reason to stay was for the children and to give them a better upbringing.

One thing that I have learned since I opened my Divorce and Breakup Clinic is that every relationship is different and has its own unique dynamics. There is no one solution that fits every situation as there are so many factors to take into consideration.

There is certainly no right or wrong answer or set path to follow. The key to moving forward is get to clarity on your individual circumstances as this will empower you to make a better decision for you and your family.

The top 5 reasons for staying in an unhappy relationship that I hear from clients are:

  1. Kids: Some people stay as they believe it is better for the children to grow up with both parents under the same roof, no matter how dysfunctional the relationship is.
  1. Fear of future: Many people have a huge fear of what life would be like if they left. There are so many uncertainties for example where will they live, how will they cope without their partner and will they ever find love again. These uncertainties keep them in the relationship.
  1. Lack of confidence: Often if you have been in an unhappy relationship your confidence will be at rock bottom. I see many clients who have experienced emotionally abusive relationships and as a result their self-esteem and self-worth is so low they don’t think they could cope on their own.
  1. Feeling selfish: Some people feel that it would be selfish to leave as it would be causing pain to their family. They believe it is better to stay and be unhappy then to leave in search of happiness for themselves.
  1. Financial reasons: Many people are financially dependent on their partners and are worried what their quality of life would be like if they broke up. Breaking up means dividing the finances and this can mean a change in lifestyle. Funding two homes is more expensive than one and this can mean sacrifices at least in the short term.

All of these are good reasons to consider staying. In fact divorce is known as the second most traumatic life experience after death of a loved one so it shouldn’t be taken lightly, especially if children are involved too.

It is a painful process and it is definitely not the easy way. It should take a lot of careful consideration to decide to leave a marriage, it should not be taken lightly.

I recommend at least a period of 3 months of working hard on your relationship to do your best to save it if possible before you make a final decision to split up.

However there are also good reasons to leave an unhappy relationship that are often over looked:

  1. As a parent you are a role model for your children. They are watching and learning from everything you do. Be aware of what you are teaching them by staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy. Could it be that you are showing them that you should stay in a loveless marriage? That your feelings don’t matter? That a marriage is about arguing and being unkind to each other? Kids are more resilient than you think and can cope better than we sometimes give them credit for.
  1. It’s natural to be a little anxious of change however it can also be a really positive thing. If you are unhappy where you are then maybe the change will give you a chance to feel happy again. Think of a time when you changed something and it worked out well for you. It’s up to you to create the life you want to lead. If you stay where you are what will life be like in one years’ time? In 5 years’ time? In 10 years’ time? Is that what you want or is stepping up to make some changes what you need to get your life back on track?
  1. If your confidence has been eroded over a period of time it can be hard to summon up the courage to leave, even if you really want to. It’s important to remember that just because you have been told you are useless, unlovable, pathetic, incapable of surviving without your partner that doesn’t make it true. Connect back to a time when you felt good about yourself and think about all the things you have successfully achieved in your life however big or small. It’s amazing how many doors open and opportunities arise when you are out of a destructive or unhealthy relationship.
  1. Leaving an unhappy relationship is not selfish as if it’s not working for you it will not be the best relationship for your partner either. You both deserve the opportunity to be with someone who truly loves and cares for you and wants to be with you. By hanging onto them you are denying them the chance to be happy too. If you think the children will suffer if you leave then you need to consider how they are suffering by having two parents living together who don’t love each other too. There are always two sides to situation so make sure you are looking at all the angles.
  1. Financial reasons are a strong reason to stay put in an unhappy relationship as if breaking up will dramatically affect your standard of living then this will be a big factor. The best way to work through this is to get absolute clarity on your financial situation if you do leave. Take professional advice to work out what funds you would have and how this would affect your lifestyle. Many people avoid doing this as they don’t want to know. However clarity gives you power and even if it what you find out isn’t what you wanted to hear it gives you options. You can put a plan together to fill the gaps and find a way to make it work. Not knowing where you stand leaves you unable to make a good decision and keeps you stuck.

You only live once and it’s important to find happiness along the way. It’s important to know that leaving a marriage or long term relationship is not a failure.

Breakups and divorce are part of everyday life as people grow apart or fall out of love. You will have achieved so much during your time together such as some happy memories, your children and friendships.

You can still keep hold of the good times and the great memories and at the same time set yourself free to be happy again. By taking responsibility and grabbing back control of your life you can create the life you want to live.

ABOUT SARA

Sara Davison is a highly credible life and business expert whose own personal experience has led to her creating a unique divorce coaching programme designed to support individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to journey through divorce.

An NLP Master Practitioner, with 16 years’ coaching experience, Sara has successfully built and developed a global business and has worked with some of the top names in personal development such as ; Anthony Robbins, Paul McKenna, Barefoot Doctor and more.

With a wealth of experience helping others through challenging situations, as well as the experience of her own marriage breakdown, Sara was inspired to create a bespoke divorce coaching program that would help guide those battling through the process of divorce. The program offers tailored, practical advice and strategies to help people move forward.

Sara’s aim is to change the stigma associated with divorce in the UK. She wants to encourage people to ask for help, and teach people the skills to get from where they are to where they want to be.

For more information see saradavison.com for more details.

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How to know if Divorce is for you in 2017

Published on
Sara Davison
Sara Davison
Divorce and Break-up Coach

We live in a highly disposable culture these days where if we don’t like something we change it.

In many cases we don’t think long and hard about it or even try to make it work out – we just swap it for something else, the latest mobile phone, pair of trainers or even dating on Tinder.

The days of marriage is for life are long gone and we are no longer a generation of “until death do us part” believers.

With the divorce rates in the UK at 42% and in the US almost 50% it really does prove that marriage is no longer for life and if we get fed up, we leave.

I find it fascinating how we spend so much time thinking about our careers and planning our next move and how to impress the boss. Yet when it comes to relationships as soon as we are married we sit back and just expect it to work out well with no effort! It’s not surprising the wheels fall off somewhere down the line.

However getting a divorce is not an easy decision to make.

It’s important to understand what you will have to face before you make the decision to get a divorce. It takes a long time to commit to a marriage so it should take careful consideration to leave.

If you’re struggling to make the decision it is most probably because you don’t have enough clear information to make that decision and are still being pulled in different directions emotionally. Feelings of guilt and uncertainty can cloud your judgement so by having more clarity around what the process looks like you will reduce the overwhelm and stress and enable you to make a better decision.

I have created a simple technique called “No Regrets” which will give you more clarity about whether divorce is the right way forward for you.

In an ideal scenario it involves you sitting down with your partner to find a way to work together to do your best to save the marriage for a period of three months. However it will also work without the co-operation of your partner and will enable you to be able to make a more informed decision that won’t leave you with regrets or asking yourself “what if I had done this or that?”

Step 1: Create a time to sit down with your partner where you won’t be disturbed. If you are doing this alone then find some quite time with no interruptions.

Step 2: Start by writing down what you love about your partner and what you like about your relationship. It’s important to focus on the positive side first however hard this may be if you have been in a rut of only seeing the negative. Discuss this calmly with your partner if they are present and as ask them to do the same exercise.

Step 3: Write down a list of areas that need improvement and that you are not happy with. If you are working with a partner do your best to phrase these in a non-confrontational way. Agree that you won’t blame each other and keep focused on the outcome that is to find a way to save your relationship.

Step 4: Now work out 5 actions each that you agree to do that will help to improve the state of your relationship. If you are working together then agree to hold each other kindly to your five actions and to do your best to follow them through for the full three months.

How to know if Divorce is for youIf you are working through this exercise on your own you need to be honest about your responsibility in the breakdown of your marriage and step into your partner’s shoes to see how you can best rectify the issues.

I have seen many times that one partner has started this exercise alone and before long their partner has noticed such a positive change that they begin to try harder too. Relationships can be saved with better communication so try this first to ensure you don’t thrown away a great thing too soon.

If you have children there will be even more to consider as you will have to think through the impact on them too.

I’m a big believer that divorce doesn’t have to damage kids but it will depend on the parents and how they behave. Often they are more resilient than you think but it will depend on their age and their personality too, no one child will react the same way so it’s important to do your best to prepare how to help them cope with the break-up too.

Don’t be fooled by the Hollywood gloss of “conscious uncoupling” or moving on to your next partner within a heartbeat of becoming single. It just doesn’t happen like that in reality. The truth is that divorce is the second most traumatic life event after the death of a loved one. In fact the two are so similar that they follow the same 5 stages of grief.

The 5 stages you will go through after a break-up are:

  • Denial – This is when you stick your head in the sand and pretend it isn’t happening. It feels that if you actually talk about it then it becomes all too real. Many people can carry on for months in this way and never really face up to what is happening.
  • Anger – This is when you start to resent what is happening to you and get furious with your partner or the situation. You may even feel utter rage about breaking up the family and the consequences that you are going to have to face.
  • Bargaining – This is where you will do anything to hold on to your relationship, including sacrificing your values and beliefs and even forgiving adultery or abuse to avoid facing any change. Common behaviours during this phase are to try to lose weight or be a better partner in every.
  • Depression – This is a natural part of any break-up as it is part of the grieving process. You have to acknowledge your feelings of sadness and despair in order to come to terms with them. It’s important to realise that it will end and it not going to last forever.
  • Acceptance – This is when you have removed the rose-tinted glasses and are seeing your partner warts and all. You feeling more positive about your situation and have accepted that the relationship is over. Many clients I see get stuck here as they don’t know how to move forward, even though they have let go of their ex.

Divorce doesn’t need to be an aggressive severing if you take action to think how to best support everyone before you make the decision.

Being kind and doing the right thing will serve you well in the long run. If you have children and are feeling guilty then consider what message you are teaching them by staying in an unhappy marriage.

Remember you are their role model and they will take their lead from you.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel though and it is true that we only live once so there is no point staying in an unhappy marriage. I firmly believe that divorce can be the best thing that has ever happened to you as it really does give you a chance to redesign your life the way you want it to be.

It is true that sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can come together.

ABOUT SARA

Sara Davison is a highly credible life and business expert whose own personal experience has led to her creating a unique divorce coaching programme designed to support individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to journey through divorce.

An NLP Master Practitioner, with 16 years’ coaching experience, Sara has successfully built and developed a global business and has worked with some of the top names in personal development such as ; Anthony Robbins, Paul McKenna, Barefoot Doctor and more.

With a wealth of experience helping others through challenging situations, as well as the experience of her own marriage breakdown, Sara was inspired to create a bespoke divorce coaching program that would help guide those battling through the process of divorce. The program offers tailored, practical advice and strategies to help people move forward.

Sara’s aim is to change the stigma associated with divorce in the UK. She wants to encourage people to ask for help, and teach people the skills to get from where they are to where they want to be.

For more information see saradavison.com for more details.

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How to Deal with Heartbreak after a Breakup
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How to Deal with Heartbreak after a Breakup

Published on
Sara Davison
Sara Davison
Divorce and Break-up Coach

How can I get over this heartbreak and recover from divorce and/or separation?

This is the question TDM put forward to Divorce Coach, Sara Davison.

According to Sara, when a relationship is over, you do go through a lot of very different and negative emotions, but she advices that, just for a minute,  do take off the rose-tinted glasses and really look at what was wrong with that relationship in the first place.  

Think about what it is that you don’t have to tolerate now that you had to live with before?

There have to be things that weren’t quite right and that person wasn’t the right partner for you because the ideal partner wouldn’t leave. 

She goes on: “tip that balance from looking into the past which is all about your story and retelling your story over and over again and and flipping that to the future, where you create a compelling future that you’re excited to get up and live.

So if someone has left your life and there’s a gap in your life, we need to put together some stepping stones, some activities that you can follow through that will fill that gap and slowly that heartbreak will dissipate as you tip those scales as you move towards something more exciting.“

You can hear more of Sara’s advice on how to deal with heartbreak after a breakup and information on her upcoming retreat in February 2017.

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coping after breakup

7 Essential Steps to Coping with the Holidays after a Breakup

Published on
Sara Davison
Sara Davison
Divorce Coach

Christmas holidays are by far one of the toughest times after a breakup or divorce because it is traditionally a time for families and loved ones to come together.

For many people it heightens the feelings of loneliness and highlights fact that they are single and no longer with their ex.

It can stir up negative emotions that usually are manageable with the daily routines of everyday life. However during the holidays it gets harder to distract yourself as the focus shifts to where you will be, what you will do and who you will spend your holiday time with.

Everyone’s breakup is different and affects them in different ways.

Some people find the emotional rollercoaster the hardest part to cope with and for others it’s the new practical challenges they face that are the toughest to deal with. But whatever the circumstances the ripple effects of a breakup can be the cause of much stress and upset over the Christmas holidays.

The build up to Christmas can be really tricky when everyone around you is getting excited and making plans.

A female client of mine, Sasha, came to see me distraught as this year she would not have her two young children for 10 days including Xmas Day and Boxing Day.

All the talk about the holidays with the mums at the school gates was making her feel like the odd one out and she was fed up of putting on a brave face.

A newly divorced male client of mine recently explained that for the last 12 years he has always cooked the Christmas lunch for his family and then on Boxing Day he always cooked a goose. It was special to him as it was their family ritual and now he had to get to grips with the fact that he wouldn’t even be seeing his children on those days.

They were spending it with his ex-wives family this year and he would have to wait until next year to spend Christmas Day with his kids. He had been enjoying this routine for so many years that he could not imagine Christmas without his children.

A close friend of mine, Emma, was dumped by her boyfriend out of the blue and she was terrified of spending the Christmas holidays alone. She was totally heart broken and her feelings were amplified by the feeling of loss at a time when loved ones are traditionally together.

But the good news is there are lots of things you can do to help you cope better over Christmas after a break up. Here are my top 7 steps:

  1. Give yourself a break: Remember that feeling sad is a normal and necessary part of the grieving process after a breakup. Crying and feeling low is part of the healing process you have to go through and if you try to avoid it by stuffing down negative emotions and distracting yourself, they will come back to haunt you and show up in other ways. It’s ok to cry as it helps to release the negative emotions.
  1. Surround yourself with loving and supportive people: The people you surround yourself with will play a large part in determining how you feel. So take care to choose to spend quality time with people who make you feel good about yourself and who are positive about the future. Sometimes even the most well-meaning friends and family can be emotionally involved in your breakup and can make you feel worse. Make plans to see the people who make you laugh and you look forward to being around.
  1. Recreate Christmas for your kids: If you won’t be with your kids on 25thDecember then you don’t have to miss out on those magic moments. You can celebrate on another date! Pick three days when you do have them and recreate Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day on those days instead. Father Christmas will come twice for children who have two homes!
  1. Do something different: Plan ahead and make the actual 25thDecember a special day for you that you will enjoy. Do something that you wouldn’t normally do. Maybe spend it with other single friends, take a trip to visit friends you would not normally get the chance to see, volunteering to do some charity work is a great way to put things into perspective, or go out to a restaurant the kids would never have sat still for!
  1. Change the way you look at it: Instead of feeling sad about it and seeing it as a negative use my technique Flip It to find the positive about it and focus on that. It may be that you get some quality “you time” or help others less fortunate than you. It may take some practice to find something positive but changing your focus will have a huge impact on how you feel.
  1. Get your sparkle back: Get your diary out and plan in some activities that you will look forward to. Make sure you get a good balance between quiet time where you can rest and pamper yourself and also fun times where you are out, socialising and having fun. Don’t be afraid to try new things either. A client of mine tried trampolining and found it made him completely relax as he couldn’t hold on to any negativity whilst bouncing around!
  1. Take the opportunity to plan for 2017: Set the new year up to a great start and spend some time thinking about what you would like the future to look like for you. What do you want to achieve in 2017? What would you like to start doing? What would you like to stop doing? Set yourself some goals to kick your new year off in the right direction.

Remember that it’s not what happens to you in life that counts, it’s what you do about it that defines you as a person.

So take back your control of the Christmas holidays and decide what you want to do and how you want to feel. By getting a plan together you can create a Christmas you enjoy and some incredible magic moments you will always remember.

ABOUT SARA

Sara Davison is a highly credible life and business expert whose own personal experience has led to her creating a unique divorce coaching programme designed to support individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to journey through divorce.

An NLP Master Practitioner, with 16 years’ coaching experience, Sara has successfully built and developed a global business and has worked with some of the top names in personal development such as ; Anthony Robbins, Paul McKenna, Barefoot Doctor and more.

With a wealth of experience helping others through challenging situations, as well as the experience of her own marriage breakdown, Sara was inspired to create a bespoke divorce coaching program that would help guide those battling through the process of divorce. The program offers tailored, practical advice and strategies to help people move forward.

Sara’s aim is to change the stigma associated with divorce in the UK. She wants to encourage people to ask for help, and teach people the skills to get from where they are to where they want to be.

For more information see saradavison.com for more details.

 

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Is Christmas the Season to Break-up
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Is Christmas the Season to Break-up?

Published on
Sara Davison
Sara Davison
Divorce Coach

Family law firms always see a sharp rise in clients in the New Year. In fact January 6th is known as Divorce Day as they receive so many enquiries about getting a divorce.

So what is behind this peak so soon after Christmas? Why are there so many people wanting to start divorce proceedings as soon as the festive period comes to an end, a time traditionally known for being together with family?

It’s a sad fact that as many as 42% of couples find themselves heading for divorce in the UK. This figure is as high as 50% in the USA.

Divorce is not an easy process, in fact it’s known as the second most traumatic life experience after death of a loved one.

It involves a rollercoaster of emotions and many new practical challenges so we need to give it careful consideration when we decide to leave a marriage.

The new year peak in starting divorce proceedings is the same every year. There are several factors that cause this and things to look out for:

  • Spending quality time with the family in the holidays if you have a solid relationship can make it even stronger. However if the foundations of the relationship are rocky spending increased amounts of time together can increase the pressure and the cracks will start to show.
  • Over Xmas the usual routine of work and school runs is disrupted. We are no longer distracted by them and so we have more time to focus on the relationship and how it is going. It is under more scrutiny as couples are spending more time together.
  • Many people have actually decided to break up well before Christmas will have made the decision to get through the festive period as not to upset the family, especially if there are children involved, and then leave in the new year.Is Christmas the Season to Break-up
  • Spending time with extended family often puts a lot of pressure on a couple. Tensions can mount if they don’t get along well or have to walk on egg shells around each other’s family.
  • Couples often have different expectations of the Christmas holidays. If one sees it as a chance to put their feet up as they are not at work and the other is left to entertain the kids or cook for everyone it can cause arguments.
  • Financial pressures can mount over Christmas as pressure to provide the latest gift for the children and feed the extended family for days on end can be extremely high. This can inevitably cause arguments and tension for couples.
  • It’s the season for parties and drinking and if your relationship is already on the rocks it can sadly be a trigger for infidelity.

All these festive period pressures can reach a crescendo, what I call a switch flicking moment, when something tips the balance and you decide you just can’t do this anymore. Enough is enough and you want out. Unfortunately this is the case for many couples and why the divorce rate peaks in the new year.

However if you are aware of this there are things you can do to help your relationship survive Christmas. Here are my 7 top tips to avoiding breaking up over Christmas:

  • Don’t let problems fester. If there are any issues raise them with your partner and work together to sort them out before any irreparable damage is done.
  • Set aside some time to discuss what you want from the holidays and how you see it working. Make a plan that you both agree to and are happy with.
  • Agree a financial budget for the Christmas period in advance and stick to it.
  • Make a conscious decision to stay calm and to keep spirits up over Christmas. Don’t be the person who brings the mood down.
  • Do your best to get along with the in laws and extended family. Agree to keep visits to a minimum if you know they always cause unnecessary stress.
  • Keep the love alive: Be affectionate and playful with your partner. Arrange quality alone time over the holidays where you spend time together doing the things you love.
  • Don’t take things too seriously: Keep perspective on the magnitude and significance of things that might trigger an argument. Remember you can diffuse an argument before it happens by choosing to react with love. For example giving them a hug or telling them you love them can diffuse the tension in a heartbeat if you do it sincerely.

The key to any successful relationship is good communication. Find a way that works for you both and remember that you will both have different methods of communicating how you feel.

Sticking your head in the sand isn’t a great way to deal with issues and it’s always best to nip them in the bud right away. However it’s never too late to start communicating better with your partner.

Be kind, respectful and empathetic towards each other and you will find that your relationship can overcome many obstacles.

ABOUT SARA

Sara Davison is a highly credible life and business expert whose own personal experience has led to her creating a unique divorce coaching programme designed to support individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to journey through divorce.

An NLP Master Practitioner, with 16 years’ coaching experience, Sara has successfully built and developed a global business and has worked with some of the top names in personal development such as ; Anthony Robbins, Paul McKenna, Barefoot Doctor and more.

With a wealth of experience helping others through challenging situations, as well as the experience of her own marriage breakdown, Sara was inspired to create a bespoke divorce coaching program that would help guide those battling through the process of divorce. The program offers tailored, practical advice and strategies to help people move forward.

Sara’s aim is to change the stigma associated with divorce in the UK. She wants to encourage people to ask for help, and teach people the skills to get from where they are to where they want to be.

For more information see saradavison.com for more details.

 

 

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7 steps to coping without your children at Christmas time

7 Steps to Coping without your Children at Christmas Time

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Sara Davison
Sara Davison
Divorce Coach

“Ouch, Ouch, Ouch” accompanied with a heart sinking feeling when you start to actually focus on the fact that it’s not your turn to have your children with you this Christmas.

Add to that a slight jittery panicky sensation and a cold heavy feeling of dread. It’s the part that still strikes a chord deep within and brings tears to the surface however relieved you are not to be living with your ex any longer.

For some this is the very worst part of being divorced, especially if your children are young enough to still believe in the magic of Christmas.

It seems so unfair as when you first held your child you never dreamed that there would ever spend a childhood Christmas apart. It’s a time for being with loved ones and who is more precious than you own small bundle of joy.

However the reality is you cannot change the fact that you will not be with your kids if this is part of your divorce deal.

Of course there is no magic wand to take away all the pain, however you do have a choice to make. You can decide whether you want to focus on the hurt and upset of the situation or grab back your control and find a way to flip this around and make it a positive experience for you.

The trick is to find a way to make this Christmas more bearable and even enjoyable given that there is nothing you can do to change it.

7 steps to help you cope with not seeing your kids over Christmas:

  1. First of all it helps to remember that you are not alone in feeling lonely at Christmas. There are lots of people in all different circumstances who are suffering from the same feeling. Loneliness comes in many guises. You can even feel lonely when you are in a marriage if you are not happy.
  1. You don’t have to miss out on the magic of Christmas just because you don’t have your kids with you on 25th You can always recreate it on a different date. Do it exactly as you would with all your routines and traditions and you will be able to capture the magic with your children as they will be just as excited, if not even more so, to have two Christmas Days and two lots of presents from Father Christmas!
  1. Plan ahead to make sure you have something special to do on Christmas Day. Take some time to think about what you really want to do on 25thSome of you might actually like to spend the day on your own pampering yourself with a lovely hot bubble bath, glass of bubbles and box of chocolates. Others may prefer to be out with friends or family and to spend the day celebrating with other people.
  1. Keep an open mind and try something new. A rewarding way to spend time over Christmas is to volunteer some time to help with a charity. This will help to shift your focus away from your own situation and open your eyes to how other people less fortunate than you are coping over Christmas. It’s a great way to meet other single people too as many of the volunteers are in your situation too.
  1. The run up to the time apart from your children is often worse than the actual time they are away. The dread of saying goodbye to them looming is difficult when everyone else you know is getting excited about their family plans together.
  1. When the kids are gone the countdown starts to their return and it’s up to you to pack in as many fun things as possible. It’s a chance for “you time” so make sure you spend some quality time with friends you don’t get to see often and do them things you never get the chance to squeeze in between the school run and the daily chores. It’s also a great chance to get all those jobs out the way that you have been putting off. By setting yourself some goals you will feel like you are making positive progress and using the time wisely.
  1. Socialise and maybe go on a date. Christmas is the party season so make the effort to go out and mingle. There are lots of people out and about and it’s a great time to make some new friends. A great confidence boost is to go out with a friend and make a pact to meet some new people. You never know who you may meet and where it may lead!

I know from personal experience that being without your children over Christmas is challenging.

There are times when of course it will make you sad, you love them and you would rather be with them for sure. However it’s not what happens to you in life that matters, it’s what you do about it that defines you as a person. So it’s time to take a deep breath and step up.

Transform your situation into one that you enjoy and have with fun. If you can learn and grow from the experience then it will no longer have that hold of fear over you. You can flip it into a different kind of Christmas with new magic moments that you would never have dreamed of before.

Make this a Merry Christmas as well as an empowering one for you!

About Sara

Sara Davison is a highly credible life and business expert whose own personal experience has led to her creating a unique divorce coaching programme designed to support individuals with the tools, techniques and advice needed to journey through divorce.

An NLP Master Practitioner, with 16 years’ coaching experience, Sara has successfully built and developed a global business and has worked with some of the top names in personal development such as ; Anthony Robbins, Paul McKenna, Barefoot Doctor and more.

With a wealth of experience helping others through challenging situations, as well as the experience of her own marriage breakdown, Sara was inspired to create a bespoke divorce coaching program that would help guide those battling through the process of divorce. The program offers tailored, practical advice and strategies to help people move forward.

Sara’s aim is to change the stigma associated with divorce in the UK. She wants to encourage people to ask for help, and teach people the skills to get from where they are to where they want to be.

For more information see saradavison.com for more details.

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cope with a break-up

How to Cope with a Break-up

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Sara Davison
Sara Davison
Divorce Coach

Break ups can be emotionally overwhelming and extremely painful even if you were the one to end the relationship.

There are a lot of adjustments and changes happening and this can be very frightening when you are unsure of what the future holds.

It is completely normal to feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster and experience wide ranging emotions including sadness, loneliness, anger, fear, panic and confusion.

Many people do not have time for all this emotional upset in their busy lives and have to pull themselves together to go to work or to look after their children.

They may have positions of responsibility where people look to them for leadership or to care for them. They may have important meetings to attend, difficult decisions to make and long hours to work.

Here are my tips to help you to pull yourself together so you can operate as best you can, considering the emotion turmoil you are facing. Don’t worry, it will pass and fade even if it doesn’t seem possible right now. Time is a good healer but there are also things you can do to take control of your situation and make it easier for you to cope.

– Take one day at a time. Some people feel they are standing at the bottom of a huge mountain and have to climb it in one step.

There may be lots of changes and adjustments happening but it’s important to take each day as it comes. Take small steps and don’t put pressure on yourself to solve all the issues today. Focus on getting through today as best you can and tomorrow is a fresh start.

– Get a good team of people around you. This is especially important with a divorce as you will need good legal and also financial advisors to call on as and when you need them. Think carefully about the friends and family you confide in and make sure they have your best interests at heart. Get a good Divorce Coach to help you navigate your divorce journey. Find a good therapist if you feel this would benefit you too. You may find it useful to get an exercise partner as regular exercise will help you keep strong, even if it’s just a brisk walk in the park.

– Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. Avoid negative people as much as possible.

– Plan your day so you are kept busy. If you are worried about being on your own in the evenings arrange to see friends or join a local club or gym.

– Don’t be afraid to cry. It is part of your healing process. I have a 5 step plan that takes you through facing your emotions so that you can be strong and ready for work or to look after your kids when you need to. It only takes 20 minutes a day and allows you to acknowledge and release a lot of your negative emotion so that you can start to move forward and heal.

– Don’t try to answer all the questions in your head at one time. Some you will never be able to answer. Avoid spending time on questions such as “What’s wrong with me?” or “What did I do wrong?” Instead ask yourself more positively focused questions such as “What can I do right now to help me through this?”

Unfortunately there is no magic wand to take the pain away.

However if you practice these techniques and use these tips you will be able to cope better and make your journey smoother. Remember however lonely you feel, you are not alone and there are a lot of other people going through similar experiences.

If you would like more help please comment on my blog or contact me via FB or Twitter.

Sara Davison

 

 

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