how to get a divorce - Page 4

New Arbitration Scheme for Children’s Issues

Children and Divorce – The Pros and Cons of the New Arbitration Scheme for Children’s Issues

Published on
Antony Ball, Head of hlw Keeble Hawson Doncaster Family Team.
Antony Ball,
Head of hlw Keeble Hawson Doncaster
Family Team.

A new form of arbitration scheme to keep family disputes out of court has been introduced by the Institute of Family Law Arbitrators (IFLA) from 1st August.

The Family Law Arbitration Children Scheme extends the Family Arbitration Scheme, which has been in place since 2012 to offer a way of resolving the financial and property issues that can arise quicker, privately and more cost-effectively.

With a less formal and daunting setting than a court, an independent arbitrator is appointed to make a decision.  They remain in place throughout proceedings and ex-partners decide together how, where and when the process unfolds. Among choices are whether sessions are held face-to-face or in writing only – and the areas arbitration is required on.

It makes sense that this less confrontational option to a courtroom battle has now been extended to issues concerning children – usually the most emotive area of any breakup.

Although the new process is not suitable in every case, it can be applied to resolving most issues about the welfare of children and parental responsibility. These include where they live, how much time they should spend with each parent and relocation within England and Wales.

As in other family arbitration, the arbitrator bases their decision on relevant facts and evidence – taking into account the views of both parties. The decision is final and binding on both parents.

The development has been welcomed for offering couples the benefits of the broader arbitration process – resolving disputes about parental responsibility more informally, rapidly and cost-effectively than in court.

And it certainly could be speedier and more convenient than litigation. Written evidence alone can be entered if both parties agree; financial and children’s matters – which are often inextricably linked – can be dealt with together; ex-spouses can select the arbitrator together; and hearings held at times to suit both.

These are all important ingredients to minimising conflict and resolving disputes amicably – which can only be in the best interests of the children.

However, while children’s arbitration can be cheaper and less stressful than prolonged court battles, whether it is more cost-effective in the long-run remains to be seen.

For example, a court fee is likely to cost less than appointing an arbitrator. Also, if a report is needed to establish the children’s wishes, the couple would have to instruct and pay for an independent social worker under the arbitration scheme.

In most court proceedings, the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass), which looks after the interests of children in family proceedings, would prepare this without cost.

Remember, there is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ best solution and couples should always seek professional advice on which route is best for their particular circumstances.

About Antony Ball

Qualifying as a solicitor in 2000, Antony joined hlw Keeble Hawson in 2010 to lead the Doncaster family team. He is a member of Resolution, an organisation of family lawyers, and the Law Society Children Panel – and always seeks to establish the best approach for the particular needs of each client.

With a strong commitment to establishing a non-confrontational approach to settling family disputes, some 20% of his workload now involves collaborative methods.

He can be contacted at on 01302 380225 or antonyball@hlwkeeblehawson.co.uk

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Family Law Mediation – “But what about the Children?”

Published on
Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

In family cases involving children, the law is clear-the welfare of the child is the paramount consideration.

However, the adversarial UK court system that people so often use is such that even in the best run of cases, this all-important principle can be overlooked.

All too often separating couples and other relatives confuse what is in the child’s best interest with what they want and not uncommonly their lawyers end up writing tit-for-tat letters to one another which invariably include inflammatory and very hurtful contentions.

In all of this, the children can be forgotten. Their day-to-day lives suffer, their schoolwork suffers and the disruption in their routines can literally turn their lives upside down.

In some instances their long-term development can suffer. Non resident parents and their children can be separated for months!

Mediating child related disputes means that whilst bitterness and recrimination cannot be completely ignored, they are put in perspective.

Family mediators ensure that the disputing parties focus on what is important and help them to find common ground and forge a new found relationship that will help them work together in the future.

Going to mediation means that it is much more likely that a non resident parent will see his/her children more quickly and more often. For the children’s sake mediate!

ABOUT PAUL

Paul Sandford (www.albertsquaremediation.co.uk ) is an accredited civil mediator and Tribunal Judge. He is also an associate of a Birmingham-based firm of solicitors, My Business Counsel.

He mediates for a leading UK charity and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training .

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

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family disputes and family mediation
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Family Mediation – Family Disputes are not so Much Between Right and Wrong as Right and Right

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Paul Sandford
Paul Sandford
Mediator and
Tribunal Judge

Does anyone remember the film, Annie Hall?

In one scene, the screen divides into two showing Annie played by Diane Keaton and Alvie, the Woody Allen character discussing their relationship with their analysts.

Alvie’s analyst asks him, “how often do you have sex together?” He replies-“Hardly ever! I’d say three times a week”.

In response to a similar question from her analyst Annie replies-“Constantly! I’d say three times a week”.

This exchange is not untypical of the emotionally charged disagreements that surface when couples separate.

All too often, e.g. when they are discussing things between themselves or being advised by their lawyers and certainly, when they are in court, this sort of issue which may have underlying significance is either put to one side or is ignored completely.

It is all too often forgotten that disagreements such as Annie and Alvie’s can have a very significant bearing on a couple’s relationship and how they deal with their breakup.

The net effect could be that such issues as child contact are not properly resolved and months or even years down the line the parties find that they are still in conflict with one another.

Mediators are not surrogate therapists or counsellors but in the course of the private, confidential sessions that they facilitate, issues such as those identified by Annie and Alvie can be given proper acknowledgement and if appropriate can be discussed.

Consideration of such issues might result in an acknowledgment by one or both parties which could in turn help them to draw a line and move on.

About Paul

Paul Sandford ( http://www.albertsquaremediation.co.uk/ ) is an accredited civil mediator and Tribunal Judge. He is also an associate of a Birmingham-based firm of solicitors, My Business Counsel.

He mediates for a leading UK charity and has the benefit of having worked as a solicitor for around 25 years.  He has also worked as a trainer and university lecturer and has considerable experience of working with people who are disabled or who do not have English as a first language.

As well as being Regents University accredited, Paul recently completed ADRg civil/commercial and family training .

He has particular  knowledge and experience of housing, property/commercial, medical and public law issues and employment, workplace, family and educational disputes. He is a member of two mediation panels: Clerksroom, which has excellent conference call facilities, and the Business Mediation Group. In his spare time Paul enjoys cooking, football, test cricket and listening to the blues, and fundraises for his school.

 

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define mediation
/

Define Mediation as a Divorce Process

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Johnathan Pease Accredited Family Mediator and PPC
Johnathan Pease
Accredited Family Mediator
and PPC

In this interview, we speak with FMC accredited Johnathan Pease of New Landscape Mediation about what exactly family mediation is as well as what it is not.

Johnathan goes on to answer further questions that help define mediation as a divorce process including:

  • Can mediation work for high net-worth individuals?
  • Is family mediation about bringing the couple back together?
  • What about confidentiality?
  • Does working with a family mediator preclude working with a family solicitor?

So if you’re going through divorce or trying to deal with what you imagine is likely to be a difficult and challenging divorce, you may want to hear what Johnathan says about this particular divorce process.

Here’s part of what he had to say when asked to define mediation.

…When going through divorce, a family mediator will do is to take you through the process, in much the same way as a solicitor would in terms of the finances because there are certain legal things that have to happen when separating your finances but a mediator will do it for you in a much more streamlined fashion.

We do sit down with couples, and together organise the finances by looking at what the situation right now, what they both need to achieve going forward and we work out a way of dividing up their assets so that both parties are able to be content with the solution that they come up with. (Cont’d below)

We take that solution and put it together in a proper outcome document that can then be presented to the court for ratification in a consent order.

We do the same thing with the children. We sit down together, we work out, where the children will live, how they’ll move back and forth between the two parents, what’s going to happen over Christmas, what’s going to happen during half terms, holidays and all those sorts of things.

My goal is always to have parents feel that they are able to dance at their children’s wedding 10 years from now as opposed to dragging each other through the courts.

So mediation is a divorce process that helps you to achieve those very simple tasks while keeping your dignity and most of your finances intact.

What is family mediation NOT?

It is not a process where you sit down and get told what is right for you and what isn’t right for you.

It’s not a process where the family mediator sits there and makes a determination that you’re ex-partner has to be punished because he or she has behaved appallingly.

Family mediation is not a process where get specific legal advice but where you get a great deal of legal information. I can tell you for example if a court is likely to ratify and agreement or not. Everybody’s situation is different and our job is to make sure that you’re both content with whatever arrangement you come up with that is available to you within your resources.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Johnathan Pease, of New Landscape Mediation, is a highly experienced family mediator with over 20 years of experience working in family conflict resolution both as a mediator and Family Consultant.

A fully accredited BACP psychotherapist, Johnathan holds several qualifications with ADRg – including Direct Child Consultant (DCC). He is an accredited Civil/Commercial mediator, a member of the UK College of Mediators, and an affiliate member of Resolution.

Johnathan’s flexible and pragmatic approach to mediation makes the most of his understanding of interpersonal dynamics for the benefit of all concerned.

As a father of 2 children, and having experienced a family breakdown himself, Johnathan recognises that there are often many layers to the end of a marriage hindering a successful settlement than first meets the eye. Johnathan applies his varied training and life experience to the time sensitive and practical needs of family mediation with consistent success.

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FAMILY MEDIATION SERVICE

Going Through Divorce? What you Need to Know about Family Mediatiors

Published on
Johnathan Pease Accredited Family Mediator and PPC
Johnathan Pease
Accredited Family Mediator
and PPC

Surgeons, mediators and medicine men.

Whenever we hear these job titles, we have an immediate impression as to the type of person we’re speaking about.

Surgeons are seen as highly trained specialists we entrust with our lives.  Medicine men, on the other hand, are snake oil salesmeisters who dupe dim witted customers from a horse drawn wagon (or any home shopping channel) into buying worthless cures for baldness, arthritis and bad breath – often all at the same time!!!

But what about Mediators?

Even though, as a profession, mediation has been growing in the UK since the late ’70s, until recently it has largely fallen under the radar of the average citizen.  But things are changing and they’re changing quickly.

The effects of budget cuts on the Courts and Legal Aid notwithstanding, divorcing couples are simply less and less willing to add insult to the injury of the end of their marriage by squandering their life savings on lengthy legal battles.  So where  do these couples turn? A Family Mediation Council Accredited (FMCA) mediator is the professional alternative.

The Family Mediation Council (FMC) and mediators alike want to ensure that these separating families know that when choosing a mediator, they are turning to a solid, respected professionals and NOT  a Medicine Man.

The Family Mediation Council Accreditation (FMCA) scheme ensures that mediators holding FMCA status have not only completed the required training, but have gone on to substantially demonstrate a number of important competencies in actual practice whilst being supervised by a suitable qualified and registered Professional Practice Consultant (PPC).

These efforts are not just about changing public opinion however.  The FMC wants to ensure divorcing couples that when choosing an FMCA mediator, they are contracting a highly trained specialist who can be entrusted to help them work through their finances to reach a fair and equitable settlement solution, as well as helping them create workable co-parenting plans.

The gap between surgeons and mediators may never close fully, but the robust training and accreditation requirements of FMCA mediators mean that we are moving closer to surgeons every day.

About the Author

Johnathan Pease, of New Landscape Mediation, is a highly experienced family mediator with over 20 years of experience working in family conflict resolution both as a mediator and Family Consultant.

A fully accredited BACP psychotherapist, Johnathan holds several qualifications with ADRg – including Direct Child Consultant (DCC). He is an accredited Civil/Commercial mediator, a member of the UK College of Mediators, and an affiliate member of Resolution.

Johnathan’s flexible and pragmatic approach to mediation makes the most of his understanding of interpersonal dynamics for the benefit of all concerned.

As a father of 2 children, and having experienced a family breakdown himself, Johnathan recognises that there are often many layers to the end of a marriage hindering a successful settlement than first meets the eye. Johnathan applies his varied training and life experience to the time sensitive and practical needs of family mediation with consistent success.

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MIAMs are Not the Way to Encourage Divorcing Couples to Mediate
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MIAMs are Not the Way to Encourage Divorcing Couples to Mediate

Published on
Katie McCann
Katie McCann
Head of Family Law and in-house counsel at Kuits Solicitors

The Ministry of Justice recently published the Legal Aid Statistics for October to December 2015, which revealed that the number of Mediation Information and Assessment Meetings (MIAMs) have continued to decline and were down by 16% in the last quarter.

MIAMs were introduced in April 2011 and became compulsory for divorcing couples to attend in April 2014 before they’re granted permission for their matter to be progressed to court.

The aim of the meetings is to assess whether mediation is an appropriate way to resolve any issues and, ultimately, to try to avoid court proceedings.

The Advantages of Mediation

While mediation is not suitable for every case, it certainly has its benefits. Going to court may provide closure, but it puts decision-making in the hands of a judge. Mediation, on the other hand, provides the divorcing couple with far more control and allows them to work together to reach practical agreements.

Cooperating to reach conclusions leads to a far less hostile environment, where communication is encouraged and stress levels can be reduced.

Mediation also often allows for a far speedier process, which is significantly cheaper than litigation, and it can be especially useful when reaching decisions in relation to any children, where flexibility and compromise is vital.

Why aren’t MIAMs Leading to More Mediation?

Despite the above advantages, the introduction of compulsory MIAMs have not resulted in the desired increase in the use of mediation.

There are several reasons for this.

The first, quite correctly, is the existence of several exemptions that automatically permit non-attendance at a MIAM, based on the fact that mediation would be unsuitable for the couple in question.

MIAMs are Not the Way to Encourage Divorcing Couples to MediateLogical exceptions include situations where there has been an allegation of domestic violence in the last 12 months, where the whereabouts of one ex-spouse is unknown, or where any delay caused by attending a MIAM would cause significant harm to a child, a significant risk of a miscarriage of justice, or unreasonable hardship.

These exemptions, together with several others, are perfectly understandable and forcing such couples to attend mediation would be, at best, pointless and, at worst, unethical.

However on the other side, a MIAM form can be ‘signed-off’ if a session could not go ahead due to the non-attendance of one of the parties (without good reason). This option, which arguably reduces the process to a box-ticking exercise, seems to be counter-productive.

After all, MIAMs are either compulsory or they are not. Failure to show up should not be as accepted as a satisfactory excuse in the way it currently is.

Furthermore, even when separating couples willingly attend a MIAM, it only results in the use of mediation in less than a quarter of cases. For this reason the question must be asked, if compulsory MIAMs are not successfully encouraging the use of mediation as a method of alternative dispute resolution, then what will?

A Proposed Solution – Make Mediation Compulsory Instead

It seems that the obvious way to increase the use of mediation is to make mediation itself compulsory.

While this appears somewhat draconian at first glance, if approached sensibly it may have the desired outcome and inconvenience the parties no more than attending a MIAM currently does.

Firstly, it would be feasible to require compulsory attendance at a couple of mediation sessions, while retaining the exemptions that currently exist for MIAMs. The information that is currently provided at a MIAM could either be discussed at the beginning of the session or sent ahead in the post, with the mediation session highlighting the benefits that can be achieved.

After all, the best way to decide whether something will be a success is to try it out.

Those who oppose compulsory mediation will argue that it would be unfair to impose it on the unwilling couples who, to put it bluntly, cannot stand the sight of each other. It is important to remember however, that there is no need for such parties to even see each other at mediation – it can take place in separate rooms, with the mediator going in-between.

The compulsory nature of the first few sessions would also remove the need for one of the parties to suggest the use of mediation, putting the separating couple on an equal footing from the offset.

Compulsory mediation may not appeal to everyone, however the suggestion is born from the fact that couples are already being ‘forced’ to attend MIAMs, which are not obtaining the desired results.  The obligatory nature of this has already been established so extending this principle to require attendance at an actual mediation session would simply increase couples’ awareness of its benefits.

Let’s not forget, mandatory mediation would only be for couples who wish to proceed to court – those who are willing to negotiate by themselves, or through solicitors, would be left alone to do so.

But we think it’s time to face reality – MIAMs aren’t the best way to encourage mediation – mediation is the best way to encourage mediation.”

Katie McCann is head of family law and in-house counsel at Kuits Solicitors in Manchester City Centre. She has a special interest in resolving high value relationship breakdown disputes.

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Holidays triggering Divorce

How to Pick a Good Divorce Lawyer?

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Soila Sindiyo Child Trauma Therapist Founder of The Divorce Magazine
Soila Sindiyo
Parenting Therapist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine

Recently, a couple of mums and a dad at my daughter’s school separately asked if they could speak with me in confidence.

All three are going through divorce and are in the first stages of the divorce process.

All three needed to know if I could recommend  a divorce solicitor.

Their stories were different but two of them asked me the same question; “What makes a good divorce lawyer?”

This, I must say, is a very easy question to answer.

Firstly a good divorce lawyer is one who specialises in divorce law, preferably one who only works in this field.  If you have children, as each of the parents in this case had, I would go further and say find one that has great experience in divorce law where children are concerned.

A good divorce lawyer will not be one who fans the flames of your anger or even one who starts a fire where there is none.

When I was going through my divorce, I had a meeting with a lawyer who, in all honesty, remains the worst lawyer I have met in my life!  All she wanted was blood, despite my telling her that’s not what I wanted.  I only went to her because she was very local to me and I was thinking about the convenience.  I never did work with her.

Years later, I needed a notary, so returned to the same firm believing that my previous not-so-good experience was only due to the particular lawyer I had spoken to.  The person whom I spoke with over the phone was very condescending and patronising and they were going to charge me over £100 more than the other firms I spoke with.  I had heard all I needed.

Anyway, I digress.

A good divorce solicitor will know how to manage your feelings of vengeance and hurt.  They will not allow them to come into the picture in shape or form as that will only cause war between you and your soon-to-be-ex.

 

A good divorce solicitor will not mind you asking any questions that are important for you to get answers to, as “ridiculous” as some of them may be.  They will know and understand that the next few months are indeed going to determine how your life after divorce turns out and they will have a major role to play in it.

  • How long have you practiced family law?
  • Do you have past clients I can speak with?
  • What are your fees and what should I be aware off in terms of other (hidden) costs?
  • What do you think about family mediation?
  • What do I need to do to make the divorce process as smooth as possible?
  • What if I decided to change solicitors, what would that mean for me?

Finally, do trust your gut.  Always trust your gut.  Meet with at least 3 solicitors before making up your mind. Most solicitors offer an free consultation. Use it.

Good luck!

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the five-star-rated  online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

 

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the collaborative divorce process
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Divorce Law to be Replaced – How the Collaborative Divorce Process is Taking Over

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Nigel C Winter - Partner in the Family Department of Rawlison Butler solicitors
Nigel C Winter – Partner in the Family Department of Rawlison Butler Solicitors

There is one thing we can be sure of – if something is happening in California, it will be happening everywhere else within 20 years’ time. And in America we have seen a dramatic increase in the use of Collaborative Law which is now increasing in the UK.

Are the days of the old fashioned acrimonious divorce numbered?

When parties are going through a sensitive transition like a divorce they will often want to go to lawyers who are trained in avoiding conflict and getting them both where they want to be.

And whilst the newspapers are full of celebrities in high profile divorces, there are many more who are to great lengths to stay out of the papers – trust me; Anonymity is the new celebrity!

The Collaborative Divorce Process

In many ways the Collaborative approach to family separation is tailor-made to the requirements of the modern world. It seeks to preserve family life albeit one in which the parents are no longer married.

Co-operating after separation is essential to serving the best interests of the children. Furthermore the model seeks to minimise conflict and offers total privacy. That degree of privacy is not available in the conventional Court-based divorce as many sensitive celebrities have found out to their cost.

Small wonder increasing numbers are opting for the Collaborative approach and, like it or not such people to seem to ‘set the trend’.

How Does it Work in Practice?

Both parties take advice from collaboratively trained lawyers. There would then be a four way meeting between both lawyers and both parties.

The first difference that anybody looking in would notice, is that everyone is on first name terms.

It’s a small thing but it is a vast difference to cross examining someone under oath. The dynamic is completely different and everybody has the confidence to talk freely safe in the knowledge that they are not prejudicing their position.

The lawyers have a vested interest in ensuring that this process doesn’t breakdown as there is an agreement if it does that they would have to stop acting and the parties would seek legal advice elsewhere to take the matter on to Court.

the collaborative divorce process
The Collaborative Divorce Process – a four way meeting between both lawyers and both parties.

Contrary to popular belief, lawyers do not have a vested interest in taking cases to Court, but as that is a perception it is promptly rectified by this very rigid rule.

Are there any disadvantages? Frankly it is hard to see any.

If there is an overbearing spouse or partner then it is well within the realms of possibility that they will seek to use the Collaborative process as a means of getting what they want.

However, each individual case should be ‘screened’ at the outset to make sure that there is the requisite degree of trust, honesty and devotion to fairness.

This will not cover all cases and there is perhaps an inevitable tension between a lawyer’s desire to serve the parties within the Collaborative process and their unyielding professional duty to ensure that their client receives the best advice concerning an appropriate settlement. Where the two conflict, the latter must prevail.

A further boost is given to the Collaborative process by virtue of the fact that the Courts now emphasise the importance of alternative dispute resolution ie avoiding Court.

Indeed it is a pre-requisite in the vast majority of cases that the parties attend Mediation before they can actually issue proceedings.

The shortcoming with Mediation is that the lawyers are not present and therefore their advice still has to be sought afterwards in any event.

However they are present throughout during any Collaborative meeting and ‘on tap’ to advise both parties. One might therefore speculate that had the Collaborative process been more widely available when Parliament enacted this law, that they would have included Collaborative law as an alternative to Mediation.

The Collaborative approach is not limited to divorce either. Both Cohabitation and Pre-Nuptial Agreements can be discussed and drawn up adopting the same process.

With the divorce rate falling and cohabitation an alternative family model, the continued increase in Collaborative Law as a preferred option is set to increase.

Will it replace divorce law? Perhaps not completely but there is every reason to believe that it will in due course be the first choice for dispute resolution over and above the Court.

And about time too.

Nigel C Winter is a partner in the Family Department of Rawlison Butler Solicitors, based in the South East of England. He has been practicing family law for over two decades, is a collaborative lawyer and a regular contributor to a wide variety of publications on Divorce and Family Law.

He has been practicing family law for over 2 decades, is a Collaborative lawyer and a regular contributor to a wide variety of publications on divorce and family law.

 Disclaimer – This document is provided for information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.

 

 

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family mediation

What Good is Mediation?

Published on
Simon Robinson Barrister and Family Mediator
Simon Robinson
Barrister and Family Mediator

What good is mediation?  This was the question I was recently asked by a client.

John[1] had separated from his wife, Jane, with whom he had three children, and divorce proceedings had started.  John wanted to know how mediation would help him and was sceptical about its voluntary and impartial nature.

Mediation is voluntary and does depend on the commitment and goodwill of all those involved.  These may be its weaknesses, but they are also its strengths.

Mediation is more personal than a court case as its you, your (former) partner/spouse and the mediator(s).  This can help everyone get straight to the issues, and you, the parties, decide what these are.

A court case is inevitably formal, and there are complex rules, procedures and strict time limits. Mediation is much less formal and the parties are able to talk directly to each other, rather than via lawyers making submissions to a judge.  This doesn’t mean it’s a free-for-all, as mediators will make sure that everyone gets to have their say in a safe and respectful environment.

The freedom to express emotion, without it being held against you, can be one of the most important benefits of mediation.

As a mediator, I’ve heard clients say how valuable it was to be able to tell the other person how they felt.  This can significantly help you to acknowledge the complex emotional issues involved in your situation in a way that enables you to focus on working towards a resolution.  Whilst courtrooms can be the scene of high emotion and drama, experience demonstrates that they are unlikely to feel a safe environment within which to express those feelings.

Mediation is confidential, and so you can feel free to say what you feel you need to.

The only times mediators will break confidentiality is where we have to do so because there is a safeguarding concern about a child or vulnerable adult or to prevent a crime being committed, such as money laundering.

You might understandably feel nervous about going into a room with your ex-partner and having a face to face discussion about personal and emotive issues. But you’re not on your own.

Mediators are trained to level out any power imbalances between parties and will step in if we feel that one person is being overbearing or to prevent a discussion becoming an argument.  I’ve frequently mediated with colleagues of the opposite sex and this can be a good way to help balance out gender differences and ensure that no-one feels isolated.

What good is mediaiton
What good is mediation?

Mediators are impartial, but that doesn’t mean we just sit on the fence.  We’ll give you clear, unbiased information, but not legal advice, and we may actively manage the process so that you can work on resolving as much as you can.

Its not essential to get an agreement on every single point.

Mediation can be successful if the parties narrow down the issues. For example, you might agree arrangements for contact with your children, but don’t agree on whether the family home is to be sold.

The fact that you’ve agreed some issues can save you time and money if you need to go forward to a court hearing or family arbitration.

You can also come back to mediation if necessary and this can be particularly helpful when discussing changes to contact arrangements.

Mediators, and the Government, justifiably say that mediation can be quicker and less expensive than going to court. According to the Ministry of Justice press release of 7 January 2014, an average divorce case costs about £4,000 whereas mediation can cost about £500.  Whilst mediation is less expensive than litigation, that doesn’t mean that mediators are cheap or somehow a lesser service. 

Mediators are professionals, and we may be lawyers, therapists or from another background.  All of us are professionals and comply with a Code of Practice and must meet quality standards.

So, if you go to mediation, does that mean you don’t need lawyers? Not quite.  Although mediators help you to reach an agreement, you’ll still need some legal advice.

This is to help you make sure that your rights are protected and as its often best to then turn your agreement into a court order.  Solicitors and barristers can help you do this, and if the mediator has given you a clear written summary of the agreement, then that will help keep your costs down too as the lawyers will have to do less work.

At the end of the day, a mediation is where you are able to talk about your situation and you hold the decision making power.  In court, although you can put forward your views, a judge will make the decision for you.

Judges in family courts, as well as family arbitrators, are experienced and highly trained people who are committed to deciding cases openly and fairly, and at least some are also mediators.  But, if you can work out a resolution on at least some issues, it can be a way to help you move on with your life.

It can also be a good foundation for co-parenting with your former partner/spouse.  Whilst your roles as partners has ended, your roles as parents will continue, and mediation can help you to do this.

Simon Robinson LL.B(Hons) LL.M MCIArb,

Barrister and Family Mediator

simon@peoplemediation.com

 

[1] Individual’s names have been changed for privacy

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how to get a divorce

Divorce and Pre-Divorce Strategies

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Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

What is done during separation may not hold up for divorce proceedings.

Get everything in writing even when happily married, since people can change their minds or show their true colours at a later date.  This is particularly important if one’s parents are part of financial investments.

Kate married kind and thoughtful Edmund. Her parents gave her half of the price for their new home to use as their down payment. Edmund readily acknowledged that the parents owned half of the house. The mistake was not having the parents pay the financial institution directly and having their names put on the deed.

Years later Edmund became condescending and thought they ought to live as if in a permanent medieval festival.

He started dressing the part and eschewing modern conveniences. They parted ways and Edmund signed a separation agreement with one point admitting he owned twenty five percent of the home.

When it came time for a divorce, the separation agreement was not binding and Kate was forced to buy him out of his perceived fifty percent share, since there was no official record of the parental contribution.

She had opened a store and had to compensate Edmund for this enterprise as well.

pre-divorce strategies
Years later Edmund thought they ought to live as if in a permanent medieval festival.

Kate advises having a clean break and making sure that everything signed is final and one spouse cannot come back at a later date to try and get money out of the other one.

The one thing that made her divorce easier is that the children were in their early twenties and custody and co-parenting were not in the picture. She stated that their relationship with their father did not involve her.

Edmund wanted Kate to pay for the divorce, since she had initiated it.

In this situation, try to compromise with an angry spouse.  She obtained a fixed price from her solicitor for an uncontested divorce and got Edmund to go along and pay for half.

Kate felt Edmund turned into someone quite nasty and the divorce was a relief, even though she struggled financially.

Sometimes people change and therapy is effective when someone is willing to work on themselves and the marriage. Edmund claimed everything was Kate’s fault and she was glad to escape this situation.

Kate did not realize how stressed and burdened she was until her staff and customers commented how radiant she had become. She jokes that she feels so much lighter since she lost two hundred pounds (Edmund).

What kept Kate’s sanity was having the routine and distraction of her store. She advises even in tough times, having a focus on something else (like her business) helps one to get through divorce and move on. Having a job and promoting her business kept her mind and time occupied so she did not dwell on the past.

Accept what you cannot change (divorce settlement) and get on with life. She has written a book on quilting, does an online program and invents quilting patterns. Teaching classes has expanded her business and she picks fun places, such as an upcoming two day course she will be presenting in Germany.

Reframe how you perceive a situation. Is it the end or an exciting new beginning? Your choice.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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Free Divorce Advice – What is Family Mediation?

Published on
Ann Corrigan founder of Clarity Family Law
Ann Corrigan founder of Clarity Family Law

When coping with divorce, we’re sure you could do with all the free divorce advice that you could need.

Here’s another question answered by Ann Corrigan of Clarity Family Law

I’ve heard of family mediation.  What is it and how does it help in divorce?

With effect from April 2014 the government has made it compulsory for separating couples to attend an information and assessment meeting (MIAM) with an impartial mediator to see if the issues can be resolved without recourse to the court.

Mediators are trained to help resolve disputes over all issues faced by separating couples, or specific issues such as arrangements for any children. A mediator will meet with you and your partner together and will identify those issues you can’t agree on and help you to try and reach agreement.

Mediators are neutral and will not take sides, so they cannot give legal advice to either of you. They will usually recommend that you obtain legal advice alongside the mediation process and will guide you as to when this should happen; however, lawyer mediators (mediators who are also qualified family lawyers) will provide general legal information to both spouses within the mediation if this is appropriate.

Ann Corrigan is founder of Clarity Family Law, a specialist family law firm in Gerrards Cross, Buckinghamshire, offering discreet, expert advice on all aspects of divorce, including the division of high value assets, children disputes and issues surrounding unmarried families.

Follow Ann on Twitter – @ClarityFamily

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Family Mediation Process UK: A Fair and Shared Outcome for All

Published on
Austin Chessell www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
Austin Chessell
Family Mediator and
PPC

The media has recently been highlighting that Family Mediation is quicker and cheaper than going to court which I agree with but what are the other practical benefits?

Maintaining communication and continuing to co-operate as parents with Family Mediation

If children are involved and are also young it is going to be necessary to still talk to your former spouse or partner for issues such as the start times and end times of contact with your child, contact time during the holidays and special occasions, school activities, medical treatments, future schooling and the way maintenance should be paid.

The mediator is not there to provide solutions as these need to be determined by both of you but will listen to both of the parties and be flexible to discuss what would be best for all of the people concerned.

In one mediation session I have been involved with it came to light that one of the parties claimed they had not been receiving maintenance but the other party had set up a standing order to the wrong account and after this was discovered during the session communication between the parties improved dramatically.

Reducing hostility, bitterness and misunderstanding with Family Mediation

Mediators are not allowed to give legal advice but if the parties are to divorce it can be agreed during the session what fact the Petitioner is going to use in the petition and what the particulars are to be used.

In my role as a solicitor it is amazing at the amount of Petitions which are filed at court and then the Respondent asks for the petition to be amended after it has been issued which incurs a further court fee and the solicitor’s time for amending the petition.

If what is used in the petition is agreed early on this can put relations on a better platform when moving on to discuss the financial settlement and / or children arrangements.

Focusing on the children’s needs for parents to co-operate as much as possible with Family Mediation

Family Mediation Process UK
Family Mediators can help sort out financial matters too

If both parties who are using mediation can’t reach a solution for one of the issues which involved the child e.g. future school being private or public they may agree for the mediator to see the child in a separate session.

The child consultation enables the child to have a voice privately and confidentially to a mediator trained in Direct Children Consultation.

In Court proceedings the Court can ask for a Cafcass Officer to produce a report on the child’s wishes but there is sometimes a long waiting time for to report to be produced.

Avoiding a sense of winners and losers by reaching an agreed solution which have some benefit for all concerned.

Where a financial settlement is being agreed the mediator is there to be neutral and help the parties reach a balanced settlement.

At the same time if there is a particular asset e.g. a pension which one party feels particularly attached to the mediator works with the parties in a creative way so that if one party is to retain their pension the other assets can be divided in a way whereby the other party will receive a greater share of another asset.

For house contents which cannot be divided by agreement I usually ask for the parties to bring a proposed list and then the chattels can be divided in the following session. This often tends to be more cost effective than writing several letters through correspondence or having to return to court to decide on the division of items which can often outweigh the chattels value!

Mediation is not appropriate for every situation. For example where there is domestic violence, a power imbalance or where one party does not want to separate.

Not every mediation will complete the process from the initial meeting to having an agreement drawn up as mediation is voluntary and either party can opt out at any stage but I think that mediation should be attempted before any children or financial application is issued.

Any agreement drawn up in mediation will not be binding but it can then be sent to a solicitor if this is what has been agreed. The agreement can then be draft into an order which can then be filed at court which will provide both of the parties with more legal certainty.

ABOUT AUSTIN

Austin Chessell is an accredited Family and Child Mediator at FAMIA (www.famia.co.uk) across Inner and Greater London. Austin is also a Professional Practice Consultant.

Austin is a Collaborative Family Solicitor at Feltons Solicitors in Knightsbridge.

Twitter @FamilyLawLondon

 

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