how to get a divorce - Page 5

how to get a divorce

Divorce and Pre-Divorce Strategies

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

What is done during separation may not hold up for divorce proceedings.

Get everything in writing even when happily married, since people can change their minds or show their true colours at a later date.  This is particularly important if one’s parents are part of financial investments.

Kate married kind and thoughtful Edmund. Her parents gave her half of the price for their new home to use as their down payment. Edmund readily acknowledged that the parents owned half of the house. The mistake was not having the parents pay the financial institution directly and having their names put on the deed.

Years later Edmund became condescending and thought they ought to live as if in a permanent medieval festival.

He started dressing the part and eschewing modern conveniences. They parted ways and Edmund signed a separation agreement with one point admitting he owned twenty five percent of the home.

When it came time for a divorce, the separation agreement was not binding and Kate was forced to buy him out of his perceived fifty percent share, since there was no official record of the parental contribution.

She had opened a store and had to compensate Edmund for this enterprise as well.

pre-divorce strategies
Years later Edmund thought they ought to live as if in a permanent medieval festival.

Kate advises having a clean break and making sure that everything signed is final and one spouse cannot come back at a later date to try and get money out of the other one.

The one thing that made her divorce easier is that the children were in their early twenties and custody and co-parenting were not in the picture. She stated that their relationship with their father did not involve her.

Edmund wanted Kate to pay for the divorce, since she had initiated it.

In this situation, try to compromise with an angry spouse.  She obtained a fixed price from her solicitor for an uncontested divorce and got Edmund to go along and pay for half.

Kate felt Edmund turned into someone quite nasty and the divorce was a relief, even though she struggled financially.

Sometimes people change and therapy is effective when someone is willing to work on themselves and the marriage. Edmund claimed everything was Kate’s fault and she was glad to escape this situation.

Kate did not realize how stressed and burdened she was until her staff and customers commented how radiant she had become. She jokes that she feels so much lighter since she lost two hundred pounds (Edmund).

What kept Kate’s sanity was having the routine and distraction of her store. She advises even in tough times, having a focus on something else (like her business) helps one to get through divorce and move on. Having a job and promoting her business kept her mind and time occupied so she did not dwell on the past.

Accept what you cannot change (divorce settlement) and get on with life. She has written a book on quilting, does an online program and invents quilting patterns. Teaching classes has expanded her business and she picks fun places, such as an upcoming two day course she will be presenting in Germany.

Reframe how you perceive a situation. Is it the end or an exciting new beginning? Your choice.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

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family mediation
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Free Divorce Advice – What is Family Mediation?

Published on
Ann Corrigan founder of Clarity Family Law
Ann Corrigan founder of Clarity Family Law

When coping with divorce, we’re sure you could do with all the free divorce advice that you could need.

Here’s another question answered by Ann Corrigan of Clarity Family Law

I’ve heard of family mediation.  What is it and how does it help in divorce?

With effect from April 2014 the government has made it compulsory for separating couples to attend an information and assessment meeting (MIAM) with an impartial mediator to see if the issues can be resolved without recourse to the court.

Mediators are trained to help resolve disputes over all issues faced by separating couples, or specific issues such as arrangements for any children. A mediator will meet with you and your partner together and will identify those issues you can’t agree on and help you to try and reach agreement.

Mediators are neutral and will not take sides, so they cannot give legal advice to either of you. They will usually recommend that you obtain legal advice alongside the mediation process and will guide you as to when this should happen; however, lawyer mediators (mediators who are also qualified family lawyers) will provide general legal information to both spouses within the mediation if this is appropriate.

Ann Corrigan is founder of Clarity Family Law, a specialist family law firm in Gerrards Cross, Buckinghamshire, offering discreet, expert advice on all aspects of divorce, including the division of high value assets, children disputes and issues surrounding unmarried families.

Follow Ann on Twitter – @ClarityFamily

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family mediation

Family Mediation Process UK: A Fair and Shared Outcome for All

Published on
Austin Chessell www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
Austin Chessell
Family Mediator and
PPC

The media has recently been highlighting that Family Mediation is quicker and cheaper than going to court which I agree with but what are the other practical benefits?

Maintaining communication and continuing to co-operate as parents with Family Mediation

If children are involved and are also young it is going to be necessary to still talk to your former spouse or partner for issues such as the start times and end times of contact with your child, contact time during the holidays and special occasions, school activities, medical treatments, future schooling and the way maintenance should be paid.

The mediator is not there to provide solutions as these need to be determined by both of you but will listen to both of the parties and be flexible to discuss what would be best for all of the people concerned.

In one mediation session I have been involved with it came to light that one of the parties claimed they had not been receiving maintenance but the other party had set up a standing order to the wrong account and after this was discovered during the session communication between the parties improved dramatically.

Reducing hostility, bitterness and misunderstanding with Family Mediation

Mediators are not allowed to give legal advice but if the parties are to divorce it can be agreed during the session what fact the Petitioner is going to use in the petition and what the particulars are to be used.

In my role as a solicitor it is amazing at the amount of Petitions which are filed at court and then the Respondent asks for the petition to be amended after it has been issued which incurs a further court fee and the solicitor’s time for amending the petition.

If what is used in the petition is agreed early on this can put relations on a better platform when moving on to discuss the financial settlement and / or children arrangements.

Focusing on the children’s needs for parents to co-operate as much as possible with Family Mediation

Family Mediation Process UK
Family Mediators can help sort out financial matters too

If both parties who are using mediation can’t reach a solution for one of the issues which involved the child e.g. future school being private or public they may agree for the mediator to see the child in a separate session.

The child consultation enables the child to have a voice privately and confidentially to a mediator trained in Direct Children Consultation.

In Court proceedings the Court can ask for a Cafcass Officer to produce a report on the child’s wishes but there is sometimes a long waiting time for to report to be produced.

Avoiding a sense of winners and losers by reaching an agreed solution which have some benefit for all concerned.

Where a financial settlement is being agreed the mediator is there to be neutral and help the parties reach a balanced settlement.

At the same time if there is a particular asset e.g. a pension which one party feels particularly attached to the mediator works with the parties in a creative way so that if one party is to retain their pension the other assets can be divided in a way whereby the other party will receive a greater share of another asset.

For house contents which cannot be divided by agreement I usually ask for the parties to bring a proposed list and then the chattels can be divided in the following session. This often tends to be more cost effective than writing several letters through correspondence or having to return to court to decide on the division of items which can often outweigh the chattels value!

Mediation is not appropriate for every situation. For example where there is domestic violence, a power imbalance or where one party does not want to separate.

Not every mediation will complete the process from the initial meeting to having an agreement drawn up as mediation is voluntary and either party can opt out at any stage but I think that mediation should be attempted before any children or financial application is issued.

Any agreement drawn up in mediation will not be binding but it can then be sent to a solicitor if this is what has been agreed. The agreement can then be draft into an order which can then be filed at court which will provide both of the parties with more legal certainty.

ABOUT AUSTIN

Austin Chessell is an accredited Family and Child Mediator at FAMIA (www.famia.co.uk) across Inner and Greater London. Austin is also a Professional Practice Consultant.

Austin is a Collaborative Family Solicitor at Feltons Solicitors in Knightsbridge.

Twitter @FamilyLawLondon

 

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collaborative law

Collaborative Law Explained

Published on
Family Mediation
Austin Chessell

Each person who has decided to separate or divorce in the Collaborative Law process has their own solicitor where meetings take place in the same room with the aim of resolving everything face to face.

I find this works better than correspondence and allows the process to cover a lot more ground rather than waiting for a response to a letter.

Each person and the lawyers sign an agreement with one of the important things being that a financial application will not be made to court. Common matters can include children, finances, relocation or all of these matters.


Collaborative Law Explained?

Once each person has instructed a Collaborative Lawyer there will usually be around 4-5 meetings to discuss the issues ‘around the table.’

Legal advice can be given to the parties during this process.

For Collaborative Law to work everyone needs to work towards reaching an agreement on the matters that have been raised and also agree for court proceedings not to be issued.

If an agreement is reached this can be drafted into a court order.

Collaborative law
Collaborative Law has a high success rate

What can you discuss in Collaborative Law?

  • How to separate in a dignified way that will not destroy the family
  • When to tell the children about the separation
  • Your views on the separation and the other persons view
  • Aim to rebuild communication that make have broken down
  • Legal aid
  • Emotions – In this situation a Family Consultant would usually be part of the
  • Is the family home to be sold or will someone and the children remain
  • Relocation internal and
  • Who and when each parent will care for the children and how to co-parent even though the family is
  • Agreeing a financial outcome that looks at the families interests rather than focussing on positions

 

Other Collaborative Experts

In some cases other professionals work with me. I commonly work with other Mediators, Accountants, Independent Financial Advisors and Divorce Coaches where clients feel this will help the Collaborative Process.

 

Does Collaborative Law Work?

Yes Collaborative Law has a high success rate when separating couples come to the meetings when they discuss possible options and outcomes by being prepared to express and listen to the other persons views in an open and free forum.

 

Austin Chessell is a Collaborative Family Lawyer at Shortlands (www.shortlands.co.uk) and Family Mediator at FAMIA (www.famia.co.uk)

Email: achessell@shortlands.co.uk
Tel: 0207 629 9905
Twitter: @FamilyLawLondon

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What is family mediation

What is Family Mediation?

Published on

1.    What is Family Mediation? This is a process by which divorcing or separating couples come together to discuss issues that they need to resolve once divorce is over such as financial issues and child contact issues

2.    How does the mediation process work? There are different ways of conducting the mediation process, the most common being where you and your ex-spouse sit in the same room with your mediators (usually two) to discuss the issues over a few sessions.  If the tension between you and your ex-partner is so great that you are unable to sit together, then there is what is called shuttle mediation, where you are both in different rooms and the mediators work with both of you by moving from one room to the other.

3.    Is it for everyone? Family mediation is not for everyone but it is for the vast majority of people.  There are however instances where it will be next to impossible to conduct a mediation process such as where there is domestic violence, alcohol and drug abuse and serious mental health issues.

4.    Do I have to see my ex-partner? No, you don’t have to see or meet your ex-partner during the mediation process.  Depending on the centre or place where you meet, there might be different waiting areas and you may work through the process by sitting in different rooms and having the mediators move between the two of you.

5.    What role do the mediators play? The mediators are there to work through your issues with you.  It is important to note that they are not there to give you any advice or tell you what to do.

6.    What are the principles of mediation?

  • Confidentiality:  Whatever goes on in the session, remains in the session.  What is said cannot be repeated in court or elsewhere.  The only time this rule will not be observed is when there is a risk of harm to either party or their children.
  • Voluntary:  You don’t have to attend family mediation if you don’t want to and you can leave at any time.  There is no pressure to go through with it to the end, nor into making an agreement.
  • Impartiality of mediator: as mentioned above, the mediators are not there to take sides or give advice.  Their role is to help you through the process of negotiation, finding solutions and reaching agreements.
  • Fairness: the mediators work with you to help you reach agreements and solutions that are deemed fair within the framework of the law.
  • Joint decision-making:  this is your session and your time, mediators are there to help you both make arrangements and reach decisions that suit you both.
  • Mediation is available to all who want to work in this way but might not be right for all.
  • Child-focused: Family mediation helps parents reach a parenting plan that focuses on the needs and views of their children.

7.    What are the benefits of mediation?

  • You are in total control of the outcome of the mediation process
  • Helps parents reach an agreement that suits both of them and also that is suitable for children
  • The cost of mediation is considerably lower than going to court
  • Successful mediation helps minimise the negative impact of divorce on children.

8.    How long does it take? Family mediation takes on average between four and six sessions spread over several weeks or months.

9.    How much does family mediation cost? The cost for family mediation varies depending on whether you go private or down the public funding route You can find private family mediators here –  NFM. FMA

10. Am I eligible for public funding?  This will depend on your capital and income.  Your mediator will be able to assess this with and for you. For more information, visit the Legal Services Commission website

11. Do I need a solicitor?  How does family mediation fit into divorce?  Family mediators can give you legal information but not advice so your mediator might encourage you to consult a solicitor if it is felt appropriate.

12. Is the agreement reached legally binding? The mediation agreement is not legally binding.  It is left to you and your ex-partner to put whatever you have agreed on into practice.  To make it legally binding, consult your solicitor and get a legally binding agreement to be drawn up.

13.  How can I find a mediation service? If you’re in London, speak with me.  I am a trained family mediator and work mainly in South London.

Warm hugs,

Soila

About the Author

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is a Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

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