children and divorce

Children of Divorce/Divorce Law UK/Divorce News

Family Court Leaves Children In Uncertainty For Nine Months

Published on August 28, 2026August 17, 2026

Donna Morgan
Counsellor and Therapist
Donna Morgan Counselling

Private law family court cases took an average of nine months to conclude over the last two years, meaning children involved in proceedings are effectively spending the equivalent of a full school year or around six summer holidays in legal limbo, new analysis reveals.

The research, conducted by leading law firm Mills & Reeve, used Freedom of Information requests submitted to HM Courts and Tribunals Service (HMCTS) to obtain detailed data on private family court cases across 2024 and 2025, including case volumes, duration, hearing rates and regional variation.

Across private law, the family courts dealt with 44,494 cases in 2024, with an average duration of 41.8 weeks and 2.5 hearings per case. In the first half of 2025, there were 20,075 cases, with an average duration of 39.7 weeks and 2.4 hearings per case.

Commenting on the findings, Alison Bull, partner at Mills & Reeve, said: “It’s clear that too many families are still facing significant delays in the family courts, with cases routinely lasting around nine months. For children, that is not just a legal process on paper, it’s the equivalent of a full school year spent in uncertainty or around six summer holidays. Research shows that outcomes for children and young people can be negatively affected by ongoing parental disagreement and conflict, which can further feed into that uncertainty.

“While there are some signs of modest improvement in parts of the system, overall progress remains limited and uneven. The picture continues to point to sustained pressure on the family courts, with persistent delays and variability in outcomes across different types of cases and regions, indicating that underlying challenges in capacity and timeliness have not yet been fully addressed.”

These delays can prolong disputes and make it more difficult for families to move forward, leaving children without stability or certainty while arrangements remain unresolved. Donna Morgan, an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families, said:

“In my experience, it’s often the uncertainty surrounding separation and divorce that has the greatest emotional impact on children. Children are remarkably resilient when they feel safe, informed and supported. However, when decisions remain unresolved for extended periods, children can be left feeling anxious, confused and emotionally unsettled.

“Children rely on stability and predictability to feel secure. When they are unsure where they will live or when they will see each parent, many begin to worry about things they cannot control. What they need is reassurance, consistency and confidence that the adults around them are working to protect their wellbeing. This can make a significant difference to a child’s emotional health both during separation and in the years that follow.”

Across both years, the North West remained the highest region for hearings per private law family court case across both 2024 and 2025, recording an average of 2.8. Meanwhile, London recorded the lowest average hearings per case in 2024 at 2.3, while Wales recorded the lowest average in 2025 at 2.1.

As a result of these delays, family arbitrations in England and Wales have doubled since 2023, according to figures from the Institute of Family Law Arbitrators. This followed a rule change in 2024 requiring parties to consider alternative forms of dispute resolution before proceeding to court.

Family arbitration is a private process used to resolve financial and children arrangement disputes when couples separate, providing a binding decision without the need for court proceedings where agreement cannot be reached through mediation or negotiation. It can be used to resolve disputes concerning children as well as financial matters.

Jane Ingleby, partner at Mills & Reeve, added: “When court timetables are stretched, families often benefit from considering alternative routes to resolution. Solutions like family arbitration offer a private and structured way to resolve disputes about finances and children without the delays of court.

“It allows parties to choose an experienced decision-maker, set more flexible timetables and reach binding outcomes more quickly, while maintaining confidentiality. For many separating couples, it can provide a more efficient and focused way of resolving issues at what is often a very difficult time.”

Donna has also shared five tips for parents supporting children through separation:

Provide age-appropriate honesty: Children need truthful information that is appropriate for their age and level of understanding.
Maintain routines wherever possible: Regular routines around school, activities, mealtimes and bedtime help children feel secure.
Keep children out of adult conflict: Children should never feel responsible for managing communication between parents or be asked to take sides.
Encourage emotional expression: Create opportunities for children to talk, ask questions, draw, play, or express their emotions in ways that feel comfortable and natural to them.
Offer frequent reassurance: Remind them that the separation is not their fault and that the adults around them are working together to keep them safe and cared for.

About Alison Bull

Alison is a highly experienced family mediator, financial and children arbitrator, and lawyer. She is passionate about sorting things out without attending court if possible, and used to handling complex, conflictual situations in England & Wales and internationally. She focuses on the bigger picture and the best interests of children, and is an effective litigator when required. Alison helps clients to agree parenting plans, and with issues about property, businesses, trusts, pensions and international assets. As well as working with individuals, she has conducted many cases working with separating couples who want to reach agreement together in mediation or with the advice of one lawyer.

About Donna Morgan

Donna Morgan is an experienced counsellor with more than 26 years of practice supporting children, young people, adults and families. She specialises in anxiety, trauma, family relationships, separation and emotional wellbeing. Drawing on a humanistic and trauma-informed approach, Donna helps parents and children navigate significant life transitions with greater emotional safety, resilience and understanding.

Alongside her private practice in Surrey, Donna has extensive experience working within educational settings and supporting families through periods of change, conflict and emotional challenge. Her work focuses on helping parents better understand their children’s emotional needs while building healthier communication and stronger family relationships during times of transition.

About Jane Ingleby

Jane is a highly experienced family law solicitor, with a particular focus on complex financial and children matters. Her practice includes high-conflict child arrangements, allegations of alienating behaviours and domestic abuse, UK and international relocation and surrogacy.

She is also highly skilled in advising on the financial aspects of separation, especially in cases involving businesses and trusts. In addition, Jane provides expert guidance on wealth protection, including pre- and post-nuptial agreements.

Children of Divorce/Divorce Law UK

Term-Time Holiday Fines: What Happens When Separated Parents Disagree

Published on August 24, 2026August 13, 2026

Teresa Davidson
Partner & Head of Family
Winston Solicitors

Every August, the same story runs. The fines have gone up. It’s £80 per parent, per child, doubling to £160 if you don’t pay in time. Take three children to Spain in June, and the cost gets uncomfortable quickly.

However, what the coverage almost never addresses is the household where the decision was never a joint one. Because a notice is issued per parent, a single trip can produce a fine for a parent who did not book it, did not agree to it and did not go. That is not an anomaly or a misapplication of the rules; it is simply how the framework works.

The framework introduced in August 2024 was designed to bring consistency to how absence is treated across England. It is admirably clear about what triggers a notice and what it costs. It is silent on the question separated parents most often ask: my ex booked this, so why am I being fined for it?

What the Rules Say About Fines

The National Framework for Penalty Notices took effect on 19 August 2024. It sets a single national threshold: a notice must be considered where a child has 10 sessions of unauthorised absence, usually five school days, within a rolling 10 school week period. Those absences do not need to be consecutive.

A first notice is £80 per parent, per child, if paid within 21 days, rising to £160 if paid between days 22 and 28. A second notice for the same child within three years is a flat £160. After two notices in three years, the local authority considers prosecution instead, and a conviction means a criminal record. Head teachers can authorise absence only in exceptional circumstances, and cheaper flights are not one of them.

All of that tells you what a fine costs, but none of it tells you what happens when the two people with parental responsibility disagree.

Why the Law Counts You as a Parent Even if You Said No

Here is the point that catches people out, and the reason the framework produces results that feel so unjust to separated families.

For education law purposes, “parent” is defined far more widely than most people expect. It captures every biological or adoptive parent, everyone else holding parental responsibility, and, separately, any person who has care of the child. It says nothing about who booked the holiday, who paid for it, or who travelled. The legislation asks who the child’s parents are, not who made the decision, and that distinction is the whole difficulty for separated families.

The practical effect is that a parent who did not consent, did not book and stayed at home all week still falls within the definition, and can be issued with a notice on that basis. Depending on the circumstances, a new partner with day-to-day care of the child may fall within it too, even without parental responsibility.

To illustrate how quickly that can add up, imagine a separated couple with two children. One parent takes both away for a week in term time without the other’s agreement. In principle, that is four notices, one to each parent for each child. Paid promptly, that would come to £320. Left beyond 21 days, it would be £640.

Can Both Parents be Fined for One Trip?

In principle, yes, but in practice, it depends significantly on where you live. Local authorities decide whether to issue, and approaches vary. Some will consider written representations from a parent who neither knew about nor consented to the absence. Others issue to both as a matter of routine. It is worth contacting the attendance team promptly, and in writing, to find out which applies to you.

Understanding what a penalty notice is helps here. It is an out-of-court settlement offered as an alternative to prosecution, not to a conviction, and there is no formal right of appeal. The realistic choices are to pay, or to decline and put your case forward if prosecution follows. Keep in mind that the second route carries real risk and should not be taken without advice, because the available defences are narrow.

If you are making representations, what is likely to carry weight is evidence that you objected: a dated message to the other parent, an email to the school before the absence asking that your objection be recorded, confirmation of the child arrangements in place.

Object in writing to the other parent and to the school, and do it before the trip rather than after the notice arrives.

How the Court Can Stop a Trip Before it Happens

Taking a child out of school for a holiday is an exercise of parental responsibility. Where parents who share it cannot agree, the family court can decide for them.

A Prohibited Steps Order under section 8 of the Children Act 1989 prevents a particular step being taken without the court’s permission. In this context, that step would be removing the child from school during term time, or taking them out of the country for the trip. In deciding whether to make the order, the court applies the welfare checklist, weighing the disruption to the child’s education against the value of the holiday itself, and considering whether the objection is genuinely child-focused.

Section 8 also helps the parent on the other side of the argument. A Specific Issue Order asks the court to decide a particular question about a child’s upbringing, and the travelling parent can apply for one to seek approval for the trip when the other parent refuses.

Timing matters enormously. These applications can be made urgently, and in a genuine emergency without notice, but the court prefers advance notice and evidence that agreement was attempted first. In most cases you will also be expected to have attended a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. A parent who takes advice in April about a June trip has options, but a parent who calls two days before departure has very few.

If the trip involves taking the child overseas, the issue may be far more serious than an unauthorised absence. Taking a child out of the UK without the consent of everyone with parental responsibility, or without the court’s permission, can amount to child abduction.

There is one exception, which is if a child arrangements order names you as the person the child lives with. Then, you can take them abroad for up to a month without the other parent’s consent. However, that exception only covers taking the child out of the country. It says nothing about school. A parent relying on it is still keeping the child out of lessons without authorisation, and can still be fined for it.

If you Already Have a Child Arrangements Order

Most child arrangements orders deal with where a child lives and/or when they spend time with each parent. Few say anything useful about term time travel or who applies to the school for leave of absence.

That gap is worth closing. Provisions that repay the effort include a minimum notice period for proposed holidays, an express agreement that neither parent will book term time travel without the other’s written consent, and agreement on how any penalty will be shared.

What to do Next

If you want to travel in term time, then ask the head teacher in advance and expect refusal. Secure the other parent’s written agreement before you book. Agree in writing who bears any penalty. Remember that going ahead without agreement may fine the other parent too, which rarely improves the co-parenting relationship.

If you object, then say so in writing, immediately, and keep the record. Tell the school before the absence. Take advice early rather than in the final week, when the options have already narrowed. If a notice arrives, do not simply ignore it.

The disagreement addressed in April is usually resolved with a conversation or a letter. The same disagreement left until the week of departure is resolved with an urgent court application, at far greater cost, and with the child considerably more aware of it. That last point is the one worth holding on to.

This article is general information about the law in England as at the date of publication and is not legal advice. Penalty amounts, thresholds and local authority practice are subject to change.

About Teresa Davidson

Teresa Davidson is a Partner and Head of Family at Winston Solicitors, advising on all aspects of private children law, including child arrangements, disputes over parental responsibility and urgent applications to the family court.

Children of Divorce

What Concerned Parents Need to Know About Child Relocation

Published on July 29, 2026July 23, 2026

About Anthony Parrish

Anthony Parrish’s extensive experience in family law spans over two decades, during which time he has developed specialisms in matters relating to children law.

A member of Jones Myers internationally renowned Children’s Department, he deals with issues relating to children, teenagers, parents (including those represented through their official solicitor) and local authorities.

His expertise also encompasses international child abduction cases and same sex relationship issues.

Children of Divorce/Coping with Divorce/Family Mediation

When a Holiday Becomes a Court Case

Published on July 6, 2026July 2, 2026

Gergely Fried
McKenzie Friend and Founder of Everyman Justice

The argument that isn’t really about Spain

Nobody falls out over a week in Marbella. What they fall out over is what the request represents. A parent who feels shut out of decisions reads “can I take them abroad” as one more thing being decided without them. A parent who has spent two years being doubted and second-guessed reads “I need to know everything about this trip” as control dressed up as concern. By the time anyone mentions a Specific Issue Order, the holiday has become the battlefield for an argument that started months, sometimes years, earlier.

Better wording in a parenting plan won’t repair a trust problem. It will just move the argument to the next clause.

Consent as the last lever left

Here’s the part that legal guidance doesn’t always capture. After separation, a lot of parents lose most of the levers they used to have — they don’t decide the school run, the bedtime, the new partner who’s now around the kids. Consent to travel is often one of the only decisions left where their “no” still has weight. That makes it tempting to use, consciously or not, as leverage rather than as a genuine judgment about the child’s welfare. Withholding agreement can become less about the destination and more about being the one who still gets a say.

This is uncomfortable to write because it cuts both ways. Sometimes “I’m not comfortable with this” is a legitimate safeguarding instinct — a new partner nobody’s met, a country with weak return mechanisms, a parent with a pattern of not bringing children back on time. Sometimes it’s a respectable-sounding excuse for punishing an ex by making something they want harder to get. The two can look identical from the outside, and most parents convince themselves they’re the first kind even when they’re behaving like the second.

Booking first, asking later

The other recurring pattern: flights and accommodation get paid for before the other parent is even consulted. Sometimes that’s naivety — one parent genuinely assumes consent isn’t really in question. Sometimes it’s strategic — book it, tell the kids, then any refusal looks unreasonable and costly. Either way it backfires. Once money is spent, “let’s discuss this” turns into “you’re trying to ruin this,” and a conversation that could have taken five minutes becomes a standoff.

The irony is that most parents would never book a holiday with friends or extended family before checking everyone was available. Yet after separation, many make that assumption with the one person whose agreement may matter most. What feels like confidence to one parent often feels like exclusion to the other.

Too often, family courts are asked to decide questions that, in healthier co-parenting relationships, would never reach a judge.

What the court is actually weighing

Parents going into these applications often frame it, even to themselves, as “who deserves this holiday.” The court isn’t asking that question. It’s asking what serves the child’s welfare, and a parent who arrives showing they tried to communicate, gave reasonable notice, and shared a full itinerary is in a different position to one who books first and asks forgiveness later. The court is less interested in who “wins” the argument than in whether the proposed arrangements genuinely promote the child’s welfare. Parents who can show they communicated early, shared information and acted reasonably are usually in a much stronger position than those who created unnecessary conflict.

The children are listening more than anyone realises

Kids pick up far more than parents think. They hear “we’ll see,” they hear a tense phone call, and they fill in the blanks themselves — usually with something worse than the truth. A holiday that should be something to look forward to becomes something to be anxious about, and the child ends up carrying a dispute that was never theirs to carry.

What actually prevents this

None of this means every refusal is unreasonable. There are cases where concerns about abduction, safeguarding, or a parent’s previous behaviour make court involvement entirely appropriate. The challenge is recognising the difference between a genuine risk and a conflict that has simply found a new subject.

Not a longer clause in a Child Arrangements Order. A conversation that happens before anything is booked, where the request is just a request — not an announcement, not a fait accompli. Most of these cases could have been resolved with one calm exchange of information six months earlier. By the time it reaches court, it is rarely just a holiday dispute anymore. It is a trust dispute that happens to involve a holiday. No court order can repair that. It can only decide what happens next. The real challenge is not deciding where a child spends two weeks in August. It is helping parents make the next ten years of decisions without needing a judge every time.

About Gergely Fried

Gergely Fried is a McKenzie Friend, author, and the founder of Everyman Justice. With a background in education and business, and personal experience of child arrangements proceedings, he supports parents navigating the UK family court system with calm, practical guidance and emotional insight. His work focuses on clarity, emotional understanding, and reducing unnecessary conflict, always with the child’s wellbeing at the centre.

His book, Conflict by Design, guides parents step by step through child arrangements proceedings using a realistic case narrative, explaining what to expect in clear, accessible language rather than legal or academic jargon.

Everyman Justice: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/
Support & Help: https://everymanjustice.co.uk/support-and-help/

Children of Divorce

The Pathfinder Process: Putting Children First in Divorce

Published on June 8, 2026June 1, 2026

Arzu Lone
Divorce & Family Law Solicitor
Woolley & Co Solicitors

The Child Impact Report: What Separating Parents Need to Know

Family court proceedings have traditionally been seen as time-consuming and emotionally draining, with important concerns around safety not always addressed as early as they should have been. To address this, the Pathfinder Courts pilot launched in Dorset and Wales in 2022, before expanding across South-East Wales, Birmingham, West Yorkshire, and several other regions. The pilot significantly reduced the time to resolve cases by more than seven months and has been widely welcomed. In March it was announced that the process – now known as Child Focused Courts – would be expanded throughout England and Wales.

At the heart of this new system sits a single document: the Child Impact Report (CIR). Here is what every parent needs to understand about it.

What the CIR Is and Who Prepares It

The Child Impact Report is a comprehensive welfare assessment that provides a child-led analysis of a child’s lived experience, safety, and emotional needs. Governed by the Child Impact Assessment Framework (CIAF), it replaces the traditional Safeguarding Letter and Section 7 report with a single investigative document filed early in proceedings. It is prepared by a Family Court Adviser (FCA) from Cafcass – the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service – or, where children’s services are already involved, by a local authority social worker.

The CIR is split into two parts. Part 1 is the main report, completed first. The court can order a Part 2 report if anything has changed for the child or more information becomes available after Part 1 was conducted.

When Does the Process Begin?

The Pathfinder process begins when an application (C100 or C1A) is issued. The court reviews the application and sends an order to Cafcass on Day 1. Safeguarding checks are completed within seven working days. The case is allocated to a Family Court Adviser, and if a full assessment is required, the FCA completes the Child Impact Report within 40 working days, minus the seven used for initial screening.

For parents, this means the clock starts immediately. There is no extended period of procedural delay before Cafcass becomes meaningfully involved, and that changes everything about how parents need to prepare.

What Parents Are Asked to Provide

Cafcass will make enquiries with the police, local authority where required, and schools, and will contact the parties to discuss the children and any risks posed to them. Parents can expect to be contacted by their FCA relatively quickly. The CIR sets out basic information about the family and collates information from different sources, including schools, health agencies, and wider family members. Where appropriate, it also incorporates a risk assessment from a domestic abuse specialist.

How Children Are Involved

Children are seen in person within 15 working days from allocation, where appropriate. For younger children, this may involve observation during a home visit rather than a formal conversation; for older children and teenagers, a more direct discussion is likely. Decisions about interviewing children are generally taken sensitively, especially where children have special needs, with schools the preferred venue.

Crucially, children are not being asked to choose between parents. The purpose is to understand their experiences, concerns, and wishes so these can properly inform the court’s decision-making. A child who expresses a preference is not casting a deciding vote – the court weighs those views alongside age, maturity, and all other welfare considerations.

Things Worth Knowing Before You Start

Most parents going through this process are doing their best in genuinely difficult circumstances. The points below are a heads-up about common misunderstandings that can make things harder than they need to be.

Keep the focus on your child, not your co-parent. It’s natural to want to explain the full history of what’s gone wrong. But the CIR is about your child’s experience and welfare, not about who was right or wrong. You’ll make the most of your time with the FCA by coming prepared to talk about your child – their routines, friendships, how they’ve been coping, and what they need.

Try not to prepare your child for their Cafcass visit. A brief, calm reassurance that someone wants to find out how they’re doing is fine. But coaching them on what to say, even with good intentions, puts them under pressure. FCAs are skilled at helping children feel at ease, so the best thing you can do is let that happen.

Your child won’t be asked to choose sides. The FCA’s role is to understand your child’s feelings and experiences, not to ask them to make a decision. Be careful how you explain the process to them – framing it as “you get to tell the judge where you want to live” can create anxiety and unrealistic expectations.

Respond to Cafcass promptly. The early stages are crucial, as information provided at the outset can shape the entire case. Getting back to Cafcass quickly ensures your perspective is fully reflected in the report.

If you disagree with the CIR, there is a proper route. Any challenge should be made within seven days of the second gatekeeping hearing by applying to vary the order. Speak to your solicitor – that is always more effective than contacting the Cafcass officer directly.

How to Approach the Process Constructively

The most useful reframe for any parent is this: the question is not “how do I win?” but “how do I help the court understand my child’s life and needs?”

Courts under Pathfinder expect parents to demonstrate insight into their child’s experience and the impact of parental conflict. A parent who can speak coherently about their child’s routines, friendships, school life, emotional needs, and how the separation has affected them – rather than primarily about the failures of the other parent – is far more likely to make a positive impression on a Family Court Adviser.

If there are genuine safety concerns – domestic abuse, substance misuse, or risk of harm – these should be raised clearly and factually. Specialist domestic abuse organisations may conduct risk assessments and provide ongoing support throughout proceedings. Parents who have experienced abuse should not be deterred from raising it out of concern that Pathfinder’s emphasis on non-adversarial resolution means serious risks will be minimised. The CIR specifically incorporates domestic abuse risk assessment where relevant.

What Happens After the CIR Is Submitted

The judge reviews the CIR and decides how to proceed. This may involve referring parents to mediation or non-mediative interventions, ordering further assessments, making an interim order, or holding a decision hearing to make a final order.

Cases without complex safety concerns, but where agreement cannot be reached, may be allocated to the adjudication track and proceed to a decision hearing. More complex cases – typically involving allegations of domestic abuse requiring fact-finding – are allocated to the case management track. While these may require multiple hearings, the court has clearer information about risks and welfare concerns from a much earlier stage.

This new model means that the first court hearing may also be the last. Because the CIR has already placed comprehensive welfare information before the court, judges can and do make final orders at the first Information and Decision Hearing so the importance of the Child Impact Report cannot be overstated.

About Arzu Lone

Arzu Lone is a family solicitor with Woolley & Co, Solicitors. She is based in Sutton Coldfield and is focused on helping clients at every stage of separation and family proceedings. Arzu brings over 15 years’ experience specialising exclusively in family law, advising clients on all aspects of relationship breakdown including divorce, financial settlements and children matters. She also has particular expertise in complex cases, including cross-border divorce and high-conflict children disputes involving sensitive issues such as coercive and controlling behaviour.

Children of Divorce

When Your Kids Bring Up The Divorce Years Later

Published on May 20, 2026May 19, 2026

Carol Madden
Separation and Divorce Coach
Carol Madden Coaching

My son was seven when I separated from his dad. He’s eighteen now.

Yesterday, we met for coffee and a catch-up. We haven’t caught up for a few weeks — he’s busy studying engineering at uni, working with kids in an after-school programme, and staying committed to his gym routine.

It breaks my heart a little, but this is what happens as our kids grow up. They start building lives of their own, as they should.

We get on really well. We laugh a lot. I’ve noticed he’s opening up more these days, especially about what his friends are going through as they start to face the reality of becoming young men.

I like this glimpse into his world. It gives me a chance to listen, and sometimes offer a little wisdom if it feels right.

Somehow, we ended up talking about the divorce. We don’t usually, but recently he’s brought it up a few times.

We were sitting on the beach, not far from the little house I rented just after the split. He was seven. His sister was four.

We started remembering that house together. How small it was, but how cosy it felt. It had ocean views and sunlight pouring through the windows. It felt safe.

He said that when he thinks back to our divorce, he always thinks of that house. He remembered feeling sad, but not really knowing why. I told him I felt really sad too. It was a hard time for all of us.

Hearing him talk about it now, from his young adult self looking back, stirred something in me. It wasn’t the same sharp guilt I used to feel. That knife has dulled a bit. But there’s still something there that sits uncomfortably in my body.

He remembered seeing a child psychologist back then. He’d developed sleep anxiety after the separation, and my ex and I organised support for him. Six sessions helped. After that, he was able to stay in bed and settle more easily.

He couldn’t remember everything they talked about, but he said he just felt better after each session. One moment stood out. The psychologist had asked him, “What will happen if you don’t get to sleep?” And he’d answered, “I’ll be tired at school, and I won’t learn anything.”

Sitting there on the beach, he reflected, “I guess my brain just needed something to hook into. I didn’t realise it was actually worry about you guys splitting up.”

As he said it, I felt that familiar ache rising. But I stayed with him. I shared my memories too. I didn’t brush it away. It still hurts to look back sometimes. That’s the reality of divorce when you have children. The grief doesn’t vanish. It gets quieter, but it lives inside you.

He told me he thought we’d had the best possible divorce. That he always felt loved and supported by both of us. That we did everything we could to stay connected as a family, even while things were changing.

I reminded him that back then, when he overcame his sleep struggles, I’d told him: You’re the one who got yourself through this. Not me. Not the psychologist. You did that. And now, that same strength can help carry you through other tough times you’ll face.

Divorce is sad. It affects everyone in the family. I’ve never pretended otherwise.

But the truth is, none of us can avoid sadness and grief in life. We all face loss at some point.

And while none of us would choose divorce, sometimes it chooses us.

It’s only when we come out the other side that we start to see the bigger picture. And even then, we still have moments of doubt. We wonder what if we’d tried harder. What if we’d done it differently?

But eventually, we come to trust that there was no other path. Even when it’s still murky.

That conversation with my son reminded me of this graphic I’ve shared on Instagram. It highlights beautifully to me how we don’t ‘get over’ our divorces and leave it all behind. We integrate the experience so that we can still experience love and happiness as we begin to heal.

That’s what this is. You don’t erase divorce grief. Especially when you share children and you keep parenting through all the stages that follow. There are always new milestones, new reflections, new chances to wonder what might’ve been.

As I dropped him back at his dad’s house, where he lives now that he’s in college, I felt that ache again. Not because anything was wrong. Just the quiet recognition that this grief wants to be felt sometimes.

It’s part of my story.

And knowing that, accepting that, is what helps me stay present when these moments come. It’s what allows me to sit with my kids when they need to revisit it, like my son did yesterday.

Not to fix.

Not to defend.

Just to sit beside him.

Even when it hurts.

About Carol Madden

Hello, my name is Carol Madden and I am a certified divorce coach working with clients around the world from my online practice in New Zealand.

I aim to help individuals navigate the often overwhelming emotions and practical considerations of separating from a spouse. I understand the unique challenges that divorce can bring, having been through my own divorce ten years ago.

I believe that divorce can be an opportunity for growth and positive change, rather than just a painful ending. Through my coaching, I help clients gain clarity and confidence as they move forward in their lives.

As a writer, I am excited to share my perspectives on divorce with readers seeking solid support during their separations. Whether providing tips for managing the emotional rollercoaster or offering practical advice for effectively co-parenting, I want to help others through this challenging time.

Discover me on social media:

Children of Divorce

Supporting Your Child Through Divorce: The Role of Play Therapy

Published on April 10, 2026March 24, 2026

Shelley Coleman
Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist
Regional Liaison -The Texas Association of Play Therapy

“This is a war. The farm animals are fighting the ocean animals.” says my 7 year old client as she creates an elaborate battle scene in the sand tray. “The cat is in the middle” she further explains as she gingerly places the cat amidst the waring animals.

In my therapeutic playroom, the sand-tray allows for sharing in a protected space that a child may not otherwise have. As a Play Therapist, I have the privilege of working with children of various developmental stages who are experiencing parental separation or divorce. The play room allows for a child to freely express themselves through play. As children choose toys and play activities, they can share their world with the therapist.

In simple terms, play is the language of children. This concept is best explained by Landreth (2002) in Play therapy: The art of the relationship and is the basis for Play Therapy. It is through play that children make sense of the world itself. They explore relationships, solve problems, learn to regulate their emotions, and navigate transitions or challenges.

The benefits of Play Therapy are well researched and include the following…

Helps children better understand and express feelings
Reduces behaviour problems and improves coping skills
Helps to process loss and transitions
Improves caregiver-child relationships
Improves adjustment outcomes

For families experiencing a transition like divorce, play therapy can be a resource for both the child and the caregivers. Even in the most amicable divorces, I see children feeling confused or in the “middle” between households. At times, a child may feel out of control and need to assert their control in the play room by directing the play or directing the therapist. Or, a child may need a therapeutic space to make sense of their changing household.

In the event of parental separation or divorce, the play therapist is not only a support to the child, but to the caregivers as well. In fact, play therapy can improve communication between parents and children around difficult events like divorce (Hirschfeld & Wittenborn, 2016). And, some specialised forms of Play Therapy have been demonstrated to strengthen the child-caregiver relationship and positively impact children’s behaviour (Fernando et al., 2011).

In my own practice, I work with caregivers at varying stages of divorce including co-parenting post divorce and blending families. Though the child is the primary client, a Play Therapist provides valuable psychoeducation around developmentally appropriate ways parents can support their child. Specifically a Play Therapist can provide..

Education around making transitions between homes smooth
Education around behaviours that are or are not developmentally appropriate
Ways to improve parent child relationships
Ways to limit the child’s involvement in parental conflict

The benefits of play therapy for children experiencing a life transition like divorce are well researched. It is not uncommon for children to feel out of control, confused, or blame themselves for the divorce. Play therapy provides a way for a child to freely express these feelings and process them with the help of a trusted therapist. In addition, a Play Therapist can support the caregivers and provide valuable resources during a time of transition.

Resources for this article

Book citation (APA):

Landreth, G. L. (2002). Play therapy: The art of the relationship. Brunner-Routledge.

Bratton, S. C., Ray, D., Rhine, T., & Jones, L. (2005). The efficacy of play therapy with children: A meta-analytic review of treatment outcomes.
Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 36(4), 376–390.

Hirschfeld, M. R., & Wittenborn, A. K. (2016). Emotionally Focused Family Therapy and Play Therapy for Young Children Whose Parents Are Divorced.

Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 57(2), 133–150.

Fernando, D., Jayne, K., Lindo, N., Purswell, K., & Dillman Taylor, D. (2011). The Impact of Child Parent Relationship Therapy on Child Behavior and Parent-Child Relationships: An Examination of Parental Divorce.
International Journal of Play Therapy, 20(3), 124–137.

About Shelley Coleman

Shelley Coleman is a Licensed Professional Counsellor and Supervisor (LPC-S) as well as a Registered Play Therapist and Supervisor (RPT-S). She has 18 years of clinical experience, 10 years of business management experience, and 23 years of parenting experience. Shelley’s private practice serves children, adolescents and families. She provides parent education, play therapy, child and adolescent therapy, and family therapy. She is trained in EMDR, Play Therapy, TF-CBT, New Ways for Families, and PCIT. Shelley was the 2022-2023 President of the Hill Country Chapter of the Texas Association of Play Therapists and currently serves as Regional Liaison to the Texas Association of Play Therapists.

Visit website.

Children of Divorce

How Your Relationships Shape Your Child’s Future Relationships

Published on April 8, 2026March 23, 2026

Mila Smith
Certified Relationship & Dating Coach
“From Single to Couple” Relationship & Dating Consulting

Have you ever considered that your romantic relationship(s) affect more than just you and your partner? It’s also the foundation of your children’s future relationships. It all starts with you. No pressure.

It wasn’t until I was in my thirties that I realised just how much my divorced parents’ relationship, and the way they conducted themselves, had shaped my own.

When I left home at a young age, I carried with me a tangled mix of beliefs, vague notions and misconceptions about relationships. It was a real cocktail: quotes about love from classic literature; passing judgements from my psychiatrist father; contradicting advice from my mother; a scattering of real-life experiences, various scenes from romcoms and dramas…

And of course, I was a product of modelling – which is the process by which individuals learn, observe and imitate behaviours, emotional responses and communication styles from their parents.

It’s astonishing how many unrealistic expectations, myths and destructive tendencies we often inherit from home. It took me almost two decades of trial and error to sort fact from fiction. The good news is, we now have science and research to guide us.

As parents, we naturally try to protect our children, drawing on both our positive and negative experiences. Yet, all too often, we sabotage their chances of happiness by imposing our own expectations and fears, which may not apply to them at all.

Children copy most things, including your relationship style, whether you’re together or apart.

Even when they become teenagers and appear to reject everything you say, their brains are still recording. We influence them more than we realise.

If yelling, slamming doors or giving the silent treatment is the norm, your children will assume this is acceptable behaviour.If gratitude is never expressed and parents take each other for granted, that is the model your children are likely to adopt.

If you and your partner never offer praise or compliments, they may grow up thinking that’s normal too.

Personally, I grew up in an environment where praise and expressions of love were rare and modest, but where negativity was exaggerated, and conflict handled in a destructive way. As a child, I just assumed that’s how it was supposed to be, and without realising it, carried some of these patterns into my first serious relationship. It didn’t last for many reasons, but it taught me some valuable lessons, which I now know, are also backed by science.

Three key things to consider about how your relationships impact your children’s future relationships.

Sort yourself out first – address your emotional baggage.

Sadness, bitterness and pain from past relationship(s), divorce or other experiences, ideally, need to be addressed before you pass any ideas on to the next generation.

Your personal experiences and expectations are your own; you can share them with your children, but they shouldn’t be treated as unquestionable truth because they will impact their future.

Do you find yourself dispensing advice, like: “Men are only after one thing”?

Or, “Beware, women can take your freedom, your sanity, and even your bank balance”…

Sweeping statements like this clearly show that you have been hurt and are still carrying a lot of emotional baggage. It’s never too late to review your emotional baggage, relationship patterns and unhealthy habits.

Don’t try to shield your children from absolutely everything.

When children ask what is going on, how much something costs and so on, we often say: “It doesn’t matter” or “Not your concern.” Of course, they don’t need every detail of your life, but it’s valuable for them to understand how things work: how bills are paid, how a mortgage works – and yes, how a divorce is going to affect your current set-up.

The same applies to disagreements. Children need to see that adults can argue without it being a catastrophe or a taboo. According to one of the world’s most renowned relationship experts:

“There’s a common misconception that fighting should be done behind closed doors, but you need to have conflict in front of your child if you want them to have happy, healthy relationships.” *

It flips on its head what you’ve been hearing your entire life! Why?

“If your kids don’t see you having conflict and handling it constructively, they may grow up thinking that people who love each other don’t disagree or have conflict” *

Which wouldn’t be true, and we’d just furnish them with yet another misconception about relationships. Even when a marriage ends, your relationship still carries on, admittedly, in a very different form – and it’s just as important to be able to deal with conflict constructively.

Understand that disagreements aren’t always about one person being right and the other wrong.

It’s not “my way or the highway.” Even in great, loving relationships, people disagree on important issues; they may have different views and opinions. The key is to handle those moments with grace and respect.

It’s not the amount of conflict that matters, but how you resolve it. Many relationship researchers see conflict as an opportunity for greater mutual understanding, rather than a sign of failure.

That said, both parties need to practise skills such as listening, managing disagreements respectfully, and avoiding big discussions in the heat of the moment.

If necessary, ask for a time-out, take a breath, and return to the conversation in 30-60 minutes. Listen without interrupting, focus on finding solutions and avoid rehashing every mistake they made since the dawn of time. Instead, try to discuss one issue at a time, and then agree to address other issues another time if you must stop.

“It is vital for your child’s relationship and health that you model healthy ways to deal with stress and conflict”. *

Sometimes, adults disagree and debate things, which is completely normal as people can’t agree all the time. However, we can discuss it in a civilised manner and find a solution together. This is a much better message.

Whatever your children’s age let’s not dismiss them by telling them it’s “none of their business”. Start today by being the kind of role model for relationships you hope your children will one day enjoy. Reflect on your habits and patterns, open healthy conversations and handle disagreements with respect, whether you’re in a relationship or divorced / separated.

And if you’re on the other side of divorce and ready for your next love story, seize the chance to start with a clean slate, make intentional choices and create a happier life for both you and your children. You might find this useful: check out my blog about dating as a single parent.

Get in touch today – click here to arrange a free, confidential consultation.

* Terry Orbuch, PhD, Secrets to Surviving Your Children’s Love Relationships.

About Mila Smith

With over 20 years of experience in relationship management and a science-backed approach, I help men and women break unhealthy patterns, attract the right partner and build a happy, lasting relationship.

If you’re planning to run a marathon, what do you do? You arrange training with a qualified coach even though, technically, you’re capable of running. You can enlist the same kind of help when it comes to dating and relationships

Do you want to do it right this time round and find love that feels like home? Now, you don’t have to do it alone anymore. There is a clear, science-backed way forward and we’re here to guide you through it. Read more if you want to take charge of your love life.

I’ve been featured in the Daily Mail, The Mirror, HELLO!, Yahoo, BBC The Late Show, Newsweek and many other outlets. Click to check out my media coverage.

Let’s talk! Call 07970564204 or email mila@single-to-couple.com

Visit www.single-to-couple.com

Children of Divorce

Why Child-Inclusive Mediation Matters More Than Ever for Separating Parents

Published on April 6, 2026March 23, 2026

Sarah Hawkins
CEO
National Family Mediation (NFM)

When parents separate, the focus understandably turns to their children – how they’re coping, what arrangements will work, and how to protect them from unnecessary distress.

But research – and increasingly, national guidance – points to one clear truth: it’s not separation itself that has the greatest impact on children. It’s how that separation is handled.

So important is this issue that the Children’s Commissioner for England, Dame Rachel de Souza, has recently written directly to parents going through divorce – urging them to minimise conflict and prioritise their child’s experience throughout the process.

What the Children’s Commissioner Wants Parents to Understand

In her letter, Dame Rachel highlights that:

It is not separation itself, but exposure to conflict, that most affects children’s wellbeing
Children are particularly harmed when they feel caught in the middle or pressured to take sides
Feeling heard and respected during family changes can make a lasting positive difference

She also makes an important point: while court is necessary in some situations – particularly where safety is a concern – many families can and should consider resolving issues outside of court.

Because when children feel that parents are “fighting for them,” it can unintentionally leave them feeling responsible for the conflict – something that can affect their wellbeing long after the legal process ends.

The Shift Away from Court

This reflects a wider shift across the family justice system.

Courts are increasingly encouraging parents to resolve matters amicably wherever possible – and the reality is that most families do not need to go to court to reach workable arrangements.

That’s where mediation comes in.

Rather than having decisions made by a judge – who may only see a limited snapshot of family life – mediation supports parents to make decisions together, in a calmer and more constructive way.

And for many families, Child-Inclusive Mediation (CIM) is becoming an important part of that process.

What Is Child-Inclusive Mediation?

Child-Inclusive Mediation gives children the opportunity to have a voice – safely and appropriately – within the mediation process.

This doesn’t mean asking children to make decisions or choose between parents.

Instead, it allows them to:

Share how arrangements are affecting them day to day
Express what’s important to them
Feel listened to during a time of significant change

A specially trained mediator speaks with the child privately, and any feedback shared with parents is done carefully, neutrally, and with the child’s consent.

Why Hearing Your Child’s Voice Can Change Everything

Parents naturally want to do what’s best—but without direct insight, it’s easy to misinterpret what a child is experiencing.

Through CIM, children often share things they haven’t felt able to say before – about school, routines, or emotional pressures.

That perspective can be powerful.

“Children don’t need to be put in the middle to be heard. When done properly, Child-Inclusive Mediation gives them a voice without giving them responsibility.” – Sarah Hawkins

It can help parents move away from positions of disagreement and toward solutions that genuinely support their child’s wellbeing.

Keeping Decisions Out of Court—Where Possible

For many families, mediation – and CIM in particular – can help avoid the need for court altogether.

Court proceedings can be:

Lengthy and costly
Emotionally draining
Determined by a judge with limited time and limited insight into your family

While judges play a vital role, they cannot fully understand the day-to-day realities of your child’s life in the way you can.

Mediation creates the space to explore those realities – and to reach agreements that are more personal, practical, and sustainable.

A Common Misunderstanding

As more families are encouraged toward mediation, there is still some confusion about what it involves.

Mediation is not the same as court:

It is confidential
Mediators do not make decisions or recommendations
No reports are written for a judge

This independence is what allows both parents – and children – to speak openly and honestly, without fear of repercussions.

Supporting Families to Choose Mediation

Encouragingly, support is available to help families access mediation early.

The Government’s Family Mediation Voucher Scheme offers up to £500 towards the cost of mediation.

Since its launch, it has helped tens of thousands of families reach agreements around children, finances, and housing – without escalating matters through the courts.

At NFM, we see this as a proven and cost-effective way to support families at a difficult time – reducing conflict and helping parents move forward constructively.

Final Thoughts: Putting Children at the Centre

Separation is a significant moment in a child’s life – but it doesn’t have to be a damaging one.

What matters most is how parents navigate the journey.

Child-Inclusive Mediation supports families to:

Reduce conflict
Keep children out of the middle – but still heard
Make decisions together, rather than having them imposed

As the Children’s Commissioner makes clear, children benefit most when they feel safe, listened to, and protected from adult conflict.

“Most parents don’t want to fight – they want to find a way forward that works for their children. Mediation helps make that possible.” – Sarah Hawkins

If you’re going through separation, it’s worth considering not just what decisions need to be made – but how you can make them in a way that truly supports your child.

About Sarah Hawkins

Sarah Hawkins is the CEO of National Family Mediation (NFM), the largest provider of family mediation services in England and Wales. A passionate advocate for conflict resolution and family wellbeing, Sarah has over 20 years of experience helping families navigate the emotional and legal challenges of separation and divorce.

📍 www.nfm.org.uk | 📧 info@nfm.org.uk | 📱 @FamilyMediationNFM

Family Mediation

The Challenges of Co-Parenting at Easter – and How to Overcome Them

Published on April 4, 2026April 2, 2026

Kate Banerjee
Partner and Head of the Children Department
Jones Myers Family Law Solicitors

The Easter holidays are in full swing, bringing the usual raft of challenges for co-parents which are further exacerbated by forecasts of travel chaos by land, air, road and sea.

As always, putting children’s best interests and happiness first should always be the top priority – as difficult as this may be when external elements threaten to disrupt the best laid plans.

Below are some practical tips for co-parents to ensure their children return to school bursting with upbeat stories to tell their friends about the great times they enjoyed with both their parents.

Have A Back Up Plan And Be Flexible

If the predicted travel chaos curtails your combined plans for dividing the holiday period with your children, adapt your arrangements to prevent undue stress – both on yourselves and on them.

It has been proven time and again that children are particularly susceptible to tensions which, in some cases, can impact on their emotional and behavioural development in later life.

Having a back-up plan for any ‘ What If’ scenarios – which can include one of you falling ill or a family crisis – will serve you both well. This can apply to easter outings with one parent being rescheduled until after the official bank holiday – most children don’t return to school until April 20.

Co-operate And Communicate

Be mindful of your children’s welfare and happiness at all times – it is not a competition over who can spend the most time with them.

In scenarios where things go awry such as being late for picks up or drop offs, avoid manifesting your frustration and being irritated with each other. Above all, in the presence of your children and the absence of the other parent, avoid criticising each other.

Be Respectful And Realistic

Accept and respect that you cannot influence the decisions and choices of your former spouse. Be mindful and tolerant of each other’s cultures, routines and family routines which may include a co-parent wanting to involve their children in extended family birthdays or religious festivals.

Build Up A Support Network

Juggling many balls is no mean feat for any parent, particularly for separated parents who are single handedly trying to manage school schedules, along with work and household demands.

Your network can include close friends and relatives you can rely on and trust – and who won’t let you down if plans start to unravel. Seek out local community groups where you can meet and relate with like-minded parents.

At Jones Myers, our holistic approach sees us act as a signpost for councillors and relevant channels of support that co-parents can benefit from – you do not have to undertake this journey alone.

This spirit of goodwill through considerate co-parenting can positively impact on your children’s happiness and wellbeing in the short, medium and long term.

For queries on children law, divorce, or any aspect of family law, call Leeds on 0113 246 0055, Harrogate on 01423 276104, or York on 01904 202550. Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet us @helpwithdivorce

Jones Myers’ blog is ranked 5^th among the UK’s Best 25 family law blogs and websites to follow in 2026.

About Kate Banerjee

Head of the Children Team, Kate has extensive experience dealing exclusively with issues relating to all aspects of children law. They include residence, contact, relocation, international child abduction and child protection work.

A consistent Chambers and Legal 500 Leading Lawyer, Kate also has considerable expertise in care proceedings and adoption work, representing parents, grandparents, guardians, local authorities and children.

Approach

Recognised for her focused, empathetic and discreet approach to clients, Kate provides a bespoke, tailor made service for each one. Former and current clients, based regionally, nationally and internationally, include high net worth individuals, media personalities and professionals. Her expertise has been called on by national broadcast and media outlets.

Children of Divorce

Designed to Fail: How the Family Court Silences Grieving Parents

Published on April 3, 2026March 23, 2026

Karen Omand BASoc BAThan CT
Co-Founder
Divorceworkshop

A Legacy of Quiet Rage

When I was growing up, my mother spent years going in and out of family court with my antagonistic father. There were statements, court orders, applications, and a trial, but never once did anyone ask how it felt when my mother didn’t speak to her daughter for more than a decade. No one questioned the financial cost or the mental and emotional toll it took on her. No judge questioned what that estrangement meant to our family. No professional named it for what it was: a profound loss.

We didn’t have the language then; I certainly didn’t. But I remember the look in my grandmother’s eyes when she talked about my father, a quiet rage mixed with helplessness and grief. She couldn’t name it either, but she knew something sacred had been broken. The system didn’t care. It was focused on compliance and paperwork, not emotional devastation.

New Seat, Same Broken System

Now, years later, I find myself facing the same system, but from a different seat. I have been without child maintenance for years. When I finally went before a judge, he looked at me and stated, “Why am I here? Why are we here?”

I was stunned. Isn’t it obvious? He is not supporting his children. Isn’t that what the system is meant to enforce? Aren’t we supposed to be putting children first?

Apparently not. After seven years of him failing to pay any support, he finally settled to give me the bare minimum for only three years. Case closed. He got away with it.

I was chasing support through a system that feels less like a safeguard and more like an obstacle. It is a system that fails to recognise the reality that grief is real, not an irrelevance.

This isn’t just about divorce. It’s about the grief no one acknowledges in family court—the emotional toll of being dismissed, delayed, and denied. I know now what my grandmother must have felt: the rage that comes from watching something unjust happen in slow motion, and being told to stay quiet about it. There’s a staggering amount of grief in these situations, but no space for it. No permission to feel it. No acknowledgment from the legal system that it even exists.

Family Court Isn’t Built for Emotional Reality

The system is designed to process cases, not emotions. Family court focuses on:

Evidence, not lived experience
Timelines, not trauma
Strategy, not sorrow

Judges and lawyers are trained to stay detached and to keep the list moving. And while that may serve efficiency, it fails people who are in the middle of deep emotional upheaval. Grief is often treated as irrelevant, or worse, as a sign of instability. The divorce system centres power, not pain.

Once a separation begins, everything shifts toward legal positioning. The conversation becomes about custody arrangements, court filings, and parenting schedules. There’s no room to talk about the mother whose child won’t call her “Mum” anymore. Or the woman who panics every time her phone lights up with a text from her ex. Or the financial struggle that is incredibly real for so many. These aren’t “legal matters”; they’re heartbreaks. But no one in the courtroom is asking about those.

Grief After Abuse is Complicated and Long-Lasting

When divorce involves emotional abuse, coercive control, or post-separation abuse, the grief doesn’t just resolve after the papers are signed. It lingers. It morphs. And it’s often misunderstood, even by professionals. Some therapists, unless they specialise in this area, may minimise or mislabel it. Others try to fix it with surface-level advice, not understanding the depth of the injury. Women are told:

“You should be over it by now.”
“At least you’re divorced.”
“Don’t be high-conflict” (an assumption that both parties are responsible for the friction).

As a result, many women bury their grief. They keep going. They survive. But they do not heal, not really. Their grief becomes frozen, tucked away because there’s simply no space to process it when you’re constantly in defence mode.

Mothers are Punished for Being Emotional

This is perhaps the most damaging message of all: that to show pain is to look unstable. That expressing grief makes you “bitter” or “vindictive.” So women learn to stay silent. To avoid being labelled. To suppress what is real and raw, because they fear it will be used against them.

But the truth is, these women aren’t unstable. They’re grieving. They’re grieving the loss of time with their children, the collapse of a dream, the betrayal of someone they once trusted, and the failure of a system they hoped would protect them. They are grieving the way they have to prove they’re a good mother over and over again. They’re grieving the legal bills that drain their future, the fear every time an unfamiliar number appears on their phone, and the gut-punch of hearing their child repeat an ex’s words as their own. They are grieving the failed justice system, my mother and me included.

What’s Missing? Grief Literacy

We talk a lot in divorce circles about trauma, self-care, co-parenting, and legal strategy. But we don’t talk enough about grief. About how layered and valid it is. About how long it lasts. About how it often goes unnamed for years because survival comes first.

We need to make room for grief in the divorce conversation. Not as a sign of dysfunction, but as a natural and necessary part of this process. When someone finally says, “This is grief,” it can be a turning point. When someone tells you, “You’re not broken, you’re grieving,” it allows healing to begin.

If this resonates with you, know that your pain is real. Your heartbreak matters. And you don’t have to carry it alone, or in silence anymore. Until we make space for grief in family court, we’re not just failing parents, we’re failing children, too.

The Cost of Silence

The failure of the family court system isn’t just emotional, it’s economic. When a judge dismisses a request for support, they aren’t just ignoring a legal obligation; they are ignoring the survival of a family.

When the system refuses to see our grief, it inevitably refuses to see our financial reality, too. If you are struggling with the weight of “financial survival mode” or the shame of a changing lifestyle, you might find peace in my deep dive into the secondary losses of divorce.

About Karen Omand BASoc BAThan CT

Karen Omand holds a rare university degree in Thanatology and a B.A. in Sociology. She is the co-author of the “Just Separated Divorce Workbook,” coming out this October, and co-founder of The Divorce Workshop. As a private counsellor and coach, Karen specialises in high-conflict cases, post-divorce abuse, grief, and divorce. Having navigated her own high-conflict divorce, she is also the mother of two lovely daughters.

Relationship in Trouble

I’m Divorcing A Narcissist – What Do I Need to Know

Published on March 25, 2026March 24, 2026

Sarah Barr-Young
Head of Financial Remedies Department
Jones Myers, Harrogate

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

The decision to divorce is among the most difficult and distressing decisions for anyone to take. It presents numerous emotional, financial and practical challenges, even where both agree the relationship is over.

Severing ties with a narcissist – especially if you are the one instigating the break up – can present even greater obstacles and complications. In this article I share insights into behaviours of narcissists, and how to find the right family lawyer to help you come through it.

What are the traits of a narcissist?

The origins of the term narcissism date back to Greek mythology when Narcissus, a handsome and self-absorbed young man, fell in love with his reflection in a pool of water.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition which is included in the broader category of personality disorders and wide-ranging studies reveal around 70 percent of narcissists are male.

The following are some common traits of narcissism, which experts say originate from a combination of genetic, developmental and environment factors:

Inflated ego/sense of self importance
Craving for constant attention and admiration
Lack of feelings and empathy for others (including nearest and dearest)
Highly controlling/competitive nature and desire to dominate
Fragile self-esteem

How do narcissists react to divorce?

In general, narcissists do not marry for love, respect and affection, they tie the knot for stability and to boost their standing and dominance. If a divorce is initiated by their spouse, and not on their terms, it can prompt extreme reactions, reigniting their worst fears of self-abandonment and isolation.

In what ways do they make separation difficult?

Due to their overwhelming need to manipulate people and circumstances, narcissists are known to employ tactics to try to control every aspect of the divorce.

This can include racking up unnecessary legal costs for their spouse and prolonging and hampering financial disclosure which legally obliges both parties to provide open and honest details of their financial circumstances. Such machinations then delay the financial settlement which brings legal closure to the financial aspects of divorce.

These combative ploys to thwart the instigating party at every turn are deliberately intended to wear down their ex- spouse and derail the divorce process.

How does divorce affect the children of narcissists?

Narcissists’ obsession to ‘win at any cost’ can see them trying to use their children as pawns and deprive them of time with the other parent – even when it is not in the children’s best interests.

How do I secure the best legal advice to guide me through this maze?

By working with family specialists like me who are highly experienced in dealing with high conflict individuals and have successfully steered clients through impediments which they initially thought to be insurmountable.

At Jones Myers our experts can advise you of your options, help to prevent costs from spiralling out of control and guide you through the complexities. We do this by deploying strategies to secure you the best solutions regarding financial settlements and fair child arrangements so you can embrace the next chapter of your life.

For queries on divorce, separation or any aspect of family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 01904 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce.

Jones Myers blog is ranked 5th among the Uk’s Best 20 Family Law Blogs and Websites to follow in 2026.

About Sarah Barr-Young

Sarah brings a wealth of expertise to her role as Head of Jones Myers’ award-winning Financial Remedies Department at the firm’s Harrogate town centre office.

Highly experienced in complex, high net worth financial disputes, Sarah’s reputation in business property portfolios, pensions on divorce and resolving disputes out of court through negotiation is widely recognised.

A named Legal 500 ‘Key’ Lawyer and Chambers ‘Notable Practitioner’, Sarah is respected and valued by clients as a strong ‘no nonsense’, knowledgeable, strategist who is also patient and empathetic.

A long-standing admirer of Jones Myers’ reputation for delivering excellence in client care and legal services of the highest calibre, Sarah relishes the opportunity to be instrumental to the practice’s continued growth.

Sarah is an accredited resolution specialist in Complex Financial Remedies and Private Children Law and is a Member of Resolution.

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