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Will Compulsory Mediation Protect Children from Courtroom Conflict?
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Will Compulsory Mediation Protect Children from Courtroom Conflict?

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Thousands of children could avoid seeing their parents embroiled in bitter, lengthy, and costly courtroom conflicts following a proposal to make mediation compulsory for separating couples.     

We wholeheartedly welcome the Government’s plan for separating couples to undertake mediation with a qualified mediator like myself to agree key issues such as arrangements for children and financial settlements.

The proposal, which aims to overhaul the family justice system, would apply to all suitable low-level family court cases. It would not include cases involving claims of, or a history of, domestic violence. 

Going to Court would be a last resort if parents are unable to agree a way forward.  

We have witnessed time and again the detrimental, and sometimes long-lasting, impact that contentious courtroom disputes among warring parents can have on children’s physical and mental well-being.

Mediation can help separating couples to find an agreed way forward in a constructive, positive manner which prioritises children’s well-being and helps the long-term interests of all those involved in the break-up.  

A qualified Mediator helps couples to discuss issues confidentially and find workable agreements more quickly and cost effectively. Giving couples control over their divorce, mediation can be completed in several meetings over a few months or, in some case, weeks.     

Going to court is entirely different. If separating couples are unable to reach an agreement, a judge, who doesn’t know them or their children, will decide how their financial assets will be divided. The judge – or Magistrates – will also determine how much time each parent spend with their children and that decision is legally binding.

The compulsory mediation proposal is undergoing a 12-week consultation. More information can be accessed here.  

Another positive move for separating couples sees the Government extending the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme until April 2025.  

Since being launched in March 2021 in response to Covid-19, over 15,000 families have benefited from the publicity funded initiative which gives them vouchers worth £500 for mediation to help resolve their disputes. 

To find out if you qualify for the scheme, visit  Family Mediation Voucher Scheme – GOV.UK (www.gov.uk).

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Nicki Mitchell

With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements. 

A skilled mediator and collaborative family lawyer, Nicki has recently further enhanced her extensive expertise by becoming a child-inclusive mediator. The accreditation enables her to who meets with children of separated parents and hear what they want for their future.

About Jones Myers

Jones Myers is a niche, multi award-winning family law firm based in Leeds, Harrogate, and York

The practice, founded in 1992, has retained its Family Law Firm of the Year North title in the Family Law Awards across 2020-2022 for its outstanding quality of service to clients.

For over two decades the firm has been consistently ranked in a joint Top Tier position by the Legal 500 and Chambers guides alongside national practices.

The Financial Remedies Department acts for clients on divorces, pensions issues, trust work and pre-and post-nuptial agreements.

The Children’s Department delivers every aspect of public and private children law. Managing national and international issues, it specialises in private residence and contact disputes, care proceedings, adoption work, special guardianships, relocations, and education matters.

Jones Myers lawyers are acknowledged leaders in their field and include mediators, collaborative experts, and an in-house barrister.

Email: info@jonesmyers.co.uk 

Locations: 

York

The Quadrant, Bootham Row YO30 7BP, Tel: 01904 202550

Leeds

8 St Pauls Street, Leeds, Leeds, LS1 2LE, Tel: 0113 246 0055

Harrogate 

5 Victoria Avenue, Harrogate, HG1 2PW, Tel: 01423 276104

Is mediation relevant in No-fault divorce

Is mediation relevant in No-Fault Divorce?   

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers
09 September 2021

No-Fault Divorce – which dispenses with the ‘blame game’ – makes it easier for couples to manage their separation and work together to avoid lengthy, costly, and stressful court disputes.

The ground-breaking changes in the law, which came into effect on April 6, enable divorces to be completed in just six months. They also help separating couples to focus on vital issues such as finances, children, and property.

New time scales include a 20 week ‘reflection period’ between lodging an application and applying for a Conditional Order stating when a marriage will end.

During the 20-week period, mediation can be instrumental in helping couples to negotiate an agreed settlement of the financial issues arising from their separation. This can then be simply provided to the court for approval without any hearings.

We cannot overestimate the importance of addressing the financial consequences of separation, including pensions, insurance benefits, and potential tax implications, and obtaining a court order which confirms how those issues are to be dealt with, before applying for a Final Order which legally ends the marriage.

However, a Final Order of divorce does not, on its own, bring an end to the financial claims which spouses have against each other.

Confidential mediation sessions enable couples to work constructively towards agreed arrangements aligned with the family’s long-term interests.

This measured approach, which keeps communication channels open, can also be key to sorting out the welfare of, and arrangements for, children – whose interests should always come first. Adopting a constructive and united approach can likewise lessen the emotional impact of the split on the children.

It is important that legal advice is taken to support the mediation process – an experienced mediator will guide couples as to when this is needed.

Under No-Fault Divorce, individuals can apply for a Court Order to start the divorce process and, for the first time ever, couples can also submit a joint application on mutual terms.

Irrespective of the divorce process, an early conversation with a family lawyer can help to make informed decisions about the future. Specialist family lawyers often speak with their clients before they make any firm decision to separate and can allay many of their fears.

Click here for more posts 

About Nicki Mitchell

With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled mediator and collaborative family lawyer, Nicki is also a child-inclusive mediator. The accreditation enables her to who meets with children of separated parents and hear what they want for their future.

www.jonesmyers.co.uk

 

How to achieve a positive divorce for all the family
Photo by TienDat Nguyen on Unsplash

How to achieve a positive divorce for all the family

Nicki Mitchel
Nicki Mitchel
Partner
Jones Myers

It’s a well know fact that the impact of divorce on children can be deep-rooted and long-lasting – which is why more separating parents are looking for ways of communicating about their separation in a way which puts their children’s wellbeing first.

An increasing number of separating couples also want to avoid the emotional trauma, stress and expense of litigation and a drawn out court battle.

In a courtroom, binding decisions of huge importance – such as how your financial assets are divided and how much time you can spend with your children – can be taken out of your hands by a Judge.

Mediation is an alternative way forward which puts you in the driving seat. In mediation you and your ex work constructively towards agreed arrangements aligned with your family’s long-term interests.

During mediation you and your ex discuss, confidentially with a qualified mediator, those issues which are most important to you.  With the right mediator, there is no reason why financially complex issues cannot be agreed using the process.

Advantages of using mediation include financial and time savings as the process takes the time it needs to resolve your particular issues. This can be anything from one meeting in less complex cases to several meetings over a few months, where the background issues are more complicated.

This measured approach, which keeps communication channels open, can also lessen the emotional impact of the split on your children.

You will still need legal advice in support of the mediation process and the mediator will guide you as to when this is required. The amount of solicitor involvement is much more limited than in a conventional case however, which makes the legal costs much lower.

Where necessary, agreements reached in mediation can easily be incorporated into draft orders by your solicitors and approved by a Judge to be made legally binding.

The benefits of mediation are being highlighted extensively during Family Mediation Week which runs across January 17 to January 21. Organised by the Family Mediation Council, the initiative is supported by the Family Mediators Association, The Law Society, National Family Mediation, Resolution and the College of Mediators.

Click here for more articles from Jones Myers Solicitors

ABOUT NICKI MITCHELL

With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled mediator and collaborative family lawyer, Nicki has recently further enhanced her extensive expertise by becoming a child-inclusive mediator. The accreditation enables her to who meets with children of separated parents and hear what they want for their future. 

The role of mediation in the divorce process
Photo by Leon on Unsplash

The role of mediation in the divorce process

Peter Burgess
Peter Burgess
Founding Partner and Mediator
Burgess Mee Family Law

Many clients who have attended a meeting with a solicitor or done their reading online will have heard about mediation as an option for resolving disputes around divorce or separation.

The government’s strategy for family justice is to require people to attend mediation as a first step before they enter the court system. In this article, as an FMC Accredited Mediator, I will explain a little bit about the mediation process and how it works, and answer some common questions.

What is mediation?

Mediation is a confidential voluntary process by which a neutral third party facilitates discussion between the two clients.

The role of the mediator is not to advise the clients but to help the two of them to discuss any issues arising in relation to, for example, parenting or financial matters. The mediator can, in this context, provide the parties with information, which is not specific to their situation, and ask questions designed to elicit discussion around the specifics.

The mediator can explore outcomes with the clients and look at different options for how to resolve their dispute, using their expertise and experience to do so but without telling the clients what the outcome will be (as doing so would be giving advice).

How does it work?

Mediation for family matters is usually conducted with both clients being present for a joint mediation session with the mediator. Prior to a joint mediation session, however, most mediators (myself included), will ask the clients to complete a questionnaire about their case and attend an intake session. These will be one-to-one, i.e. without the other party present, and are confidential.

During the intake session, the mediator can find out more information about the case, the client can find out about mediation as a process and the mediator can screen to ensure that mediation is appropriate and there are no reasons why mediation could not take place, for example, safeguarding issues.

If the case is appropriate for mediation, the mediator will then see the clients together for 90 minutes at a time.

At the start of the first joint session the clients will need to sign the Agreement to Mediate, which is the terms and conditions for mediation. There might be four or five sessions to resolve issues related to children arrangements, finances and the future of the relationship.

How long will it take?

Mediation is a flexible process. Although the sessions referred to above are usually 90 minutes in length, it is possible to hold shorter or longer sessions to accommodate the clients’ preferences.

Some clients might prefer to just book in a longer session and try to move through the issues. The whole process including some disclosure might take a few months and it can be conducted in parallel with the divorce and children court process.

Can I bring a lawyer in with me?

It is also possible to do “lawyer-supported” mediation, which involves attending mediation with a lawyer present.

The lawyer will be asked to sign the terms and conditions for mediation (the Agreement to Mediate) and can participate in the discussion but the process should still be relatively client-led and the mediator is there to ensure that the clients are each being heard.

Sometimes this is known as “hybrid” mediation as it incorporates aspects of the civil model of mediation (used for resolving non-family and commercial disputes).

What if I don’t even want to be in the same room?

It is also possible to conduct mediation on a “shuttle” basis, whereby the clients are in separate rooms and the mediator shuttles between them.

The downside of shuttle mediation is that it can take longer for progress to be made because part of the benefit of mediation is the impact of hearing the other party in a way enabled by the mediator.

Is it binding?

The outcome of mediation is always subject to the parties’ solicitors’ advice after mediation and is not automatically binding.

However, a carefully considered outcome mediated with an experienced mediator more often than not is the end of the matter, as the parties have invested so much effort in the process.

If they are taking their solicitor’s advice as they go along – either within or outside the mediation – that will decrease the chances of an outcome collapsing at the end.

Is it expensive?

The time with the mediator is usually charged at their hourly or session rate.

As such, using one professional to help negotiate an outcome is generally less expensive than using two lawyers, or is much less expensive than litigation or many other non-court based dispute resolution routes.

It is generally the “least worst” option in terms of acrimony, expense and time.

Do I have to go to mediation?

It is a cornerstone of the mediation process that it is voluntary.

However, in order to issue a court application, unless you have either been a victim of domestic violence or there is some urgency or hardship would be suffered, you need to have a mediator countersign the court form to confirm that you have had the process explained to you and do not wish to participate.

How do I choose a mediator?

Choosing a mediator is not always easy.

Geography has historically played a part, but since the pandemic it is now relatively common to conduct mediation over Zoom, and indeed some mediators and clients prefer that.

There are also some mediators who have a legal background and others who do not, and perhaps come to the discipline via a therapeutic, advisory or other background.

The Family Mediation Council (FMC) runs an accreditation scheme whereby mediators submit examples of their work and case studies for assessment, although accreditation is not necessary and there are many good mediators who  are not FMC accredited.

However, most mediators will have a website and will offer a free initial discussion about the process and how it works.

Are there any things that can’t be mediated?

It is generally possible to mediate almost any issue in the context of divorce, financial arrangements and parenting, apart from taking children into care and other public law issues.

Where a case involves serious violence or a significant power imbalance or communication issues, mediating may not be appropriate.

Click here for more articles from Burgess Mee Family Law

 About Peter Burgess

Peter is one of the two founding partners at Burgess Mee Family Law.

Having trained at top family law firm Withers LLP, Peter founded Burgess Mee with in 2013, where he advises on the full spectrum of family law issues across the firm’s three offices. Peter is also an FMC accredited mediator.

Does Online Mediation Actually Work?

Does Online Mediation Actually Work?

Ali Carter - Family Mediation
Ali Carter
Family Law Paralegal, Mediator, Divorce Negotiator and Founder of Divorce Ltd.

I think it is fair to say that the Family Mediation Council have not embraced online mediation and see that face to face mediation is the best way to resolve disputes on parenting and finances as part of your divorce or separation.

When you are in a room together you get a better feel for the chemistry and atmosphere taking place.

It is easier to sense when someone is struggling emotionally when they are sitting across a table from you and it is usually far easier to build a rapport when talking to someone face to face.

But you can also engage more in tit-for-tat arguments and over-talking with each other when in the same room – and some people find the close physical contact makes it harder for them to mediate.

How Does Online Mediation Work?

You would usually arrange an initial session with just you and your mediator first. This allows you to explain your situation, what you would like to happen and address any concerns you may have.

These initial sessions can be held via Facetime, Skype, Zoom or WhatsApp Video. In exceptional cases – such as we are facing at the moment, they can be held on the phone too.

You do not need to have a knowledge of technology to make it work, just access to a computer, tablet or smart phone.

Once both parties have had their initial session, you will be invited to the first joint mediation appointment online. These usually last for 90 minutes but can be extended or reduced as required.

Top Tips for Online Mediation

  • Try to ensure you have a quiet room to yourself and put a ‘do not disturb’ on that room and also on your front door.
  • If you are still living together, make sure you are in separate rooms for the meeting. It doesn’t work if you are in the same room together.
  • Ensure any children are looked after and know not to disturb you during the meeting
  • Have any financial information you need to share up on your computer or be able to email it. It is handy to have a printed copy to hand as well
  • Remember you are not allowed to record the meeting in anyway
  • Be conscious of your background an what can be seen behind you

Does It Work?

The short answer is yes!

Meetings tend to progress faster as it is only possible for one person to talk at a time. The mediator will control the meeting, ensuring everything is covered and they can even mute one party if they need to if using Zoom.

Meetings can be set up quicker than face to face meetings, most people need fewer meetings to reach agreement and remember all mediation is ‘without prejudice’ so you can discuss everything safely and explore options without immediately being tied to them.

What If We Cannot Agree?

You can still apply to court and by having your initial meeting with the mediator they can sign and release the appropriate court form for your case.

The courts are still operating and are now holding remote hearings – so if you go to court you will usually be reliant on using Skype. So you might as well try mediation first – it could just save you a lot of time, stress and money.

Will Online Mediation Continue?

The Covid-19 crisis has led many companies and employees to re-think how they operate their services.

And Family Mediation is no different. With more people getting used to using video calling to hold meetings remotely, arranging the parenting, property and financial issues around your divorce or separation will be a natural thing to carry out from the comfort of your own home. And it avoids the awkward leaving the mediation room together and struggling with small talk.

About Ali Carter

Ali Carter is a family law paralegal, mediator, divorce negotiator and founder of Divorce Ltd.  He set up Mediate UK in 2010 and has helped over 3000 clients divorce or separate amicably.

Ali was a serving police officer before going through a difficult divorce himself and he decided to leave the police and set up a family mediation business. Ali also runs a free online divorce clinic for anyone who needs help.

These can be booked here: www.mediateuk.co.uk

twitter.com/uk_mediate

facebook.com/MediateUKLtd/

linkedin.com/in/alistair-carter

You tube: youtube.com

Blog: mediateuk.co.uk/blog

 

Feature Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Is it True that Mediation can Avoid a Costly Court Divorce
Is it True that Mediation can Avoid a Costly Court Divorce?

Is it True that Mediation can Avoid a Costly Court Divorce?

Family Lawyer
Peter Jones
Founder of
Jones Myers
Family Solicitors

Jones Myers is a champion of the campaign which is spearheaded by the Family Mediators Association (FMA). Here are some of the most common questions our clients ask us about the process.

What is mediation?

Mediation is a means of resolving divorce disputes constructively, wherever possible, and avoiding costly, public and stressful litigation in court.

The private and confidential process involves an independent third party, a mediator, who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement. Both of you sign an ‘Agreement to Mediate’ to enable negotiation to continue on a ‘without prejudice’ basis.

What does a mediator do?

The mediator facilitates a series of voluntary discussions – assisting and guiding you both to explore and discuss issues and helping to move dialogue forward. A successful outcome results in an agreement which is formalised into a binding court order without you having to go to court.

Can I keep my own solicitor?

Yes, mediation enables you both to retain your own solicitor who you can consult outside of the meetings.

What happens if the mediation talks are deadlocked?

Because mediation is a voluntary process, talks can be concluded at any time if headway is not made.

Can mediation save on legal expenses?

Mediation can result in a swifter resolution, reducing legal expenses which mount up in prolonged divorce cases between warring couples.

I’ve heard its compulsory – is this right?

Mediation is a voluntary process and is not compulsory. You may have read about a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) meeting, usually relating to cases involving finances or children, which couples are expected to attend before court proceedings are issued. These meetings are designed to inform both parties about alternative resolution schemes and to establish if the circumstances are suitable for mediation.

When is mediation not relevant?

We recognise that mediation won’t work for all cases including those relating to domestic violence or child abuse where one or other party may take the view that a mediation meeting is not appropriate.

It is vital that all couples find the right way to divorce for their own individual circumstances. Jones Myers can refer you to a mediator and can offer you support and legal advice to help you prepare for, and achieve, the desired outcome from the mediation.

About Peter Jones

Peter Jones is one of the country’s leading divorce and family lawyers. A qualified arbitrator and mediator, Peter set up Jones Myers as the first niche family law firm in the north of England in 1992 and has acted for a string of high-profile clients.

Renowned for his sympathetic approach, he is a former national chairman of Resolution, a former Deputy District Judge – and instigated the D5 Group of law firms that promotes excellence in family law. www.jonesmyers.co.uk

Divorced Parents’ Guide to Resolving Family Disputes
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The Nightmare Before Christmas: The Divorced Parents’ Guide to Resolving Family Disputes

Matthew Clemence
Senior Associate, Collaborative Lawyer and Mediator with
Prettys

For families everywhere Christmas can be a tricky time.

Rows about whose family to visit, relatives we’d rather not see and who is cooking the Christmas dinner can all threaten to spoil what should be the most wonderful time of year.

Add divorce and child arrangements to the mix and the festive season can become even more frosty.

Consider mediation

Christmas is all about the magic of children running downstairs to open their presents. This is what parents want to experience most and it can be difficult to make plans they agree on if they have divorced or are separated.

Arrangements may already be in place, so it is all about finding compromises and working out how the child can spend a good amount of time with each parent over the festive period.

One of the best options is to consider mediation – the face-to-face interaction this process offers can help both parents to understand how each other is being emotionally affected.

It also gives them a chance to air their thoughts and feelings, something which can’t be communicated as easily through letters and emails.

Dealing with cases this way can help warring parents to realise the impact their own actions could have on their children and the wider family.

Getting parents to view an issue from the other side can be quite compelling as it can make them think about their own behaviour and perspective.

The Government insists mediation is tried before disputes end up in court and there is also no public funding for this type of issue, so mediation is a much better option.

If there is no agreement, the courts will get involved. They will always try to be fair wherever possible, which means aiming for equal time between the two parents.

Be reasonable with your expectations

One issue which we have seen cause tension is over the Christmas presents a child receives from one parent and how they want to take them between both homes. We’ve seen situations where parents insist that a gift does not go to the home of the other parent.

Children should feel free to take their gifts between houses as they may want to show the other parent what they’ve got for Christmas. Parents need to be reasonable and allow this to happen.

There also needs to be an acceptance that gifts can break and if this happens at the other parent’s house this does not mean it is the fault of that person. These things need to be explored and understood by both parties.

Communication is key

When it comes to gift giving it is vital to communicate. Some parents still jointly buy presents but usually separated parents have their own individual budgets. They need to consult each other so that gifts aren’t duplicated by mistake.

If there is a financial imbalance between the two parents, agreeing a set budget will also stop any feeling of unhealthy competition regarding gift expense.

Alternatively, it should be made clear to a child that if they are receiving an expensive gift that it’s not coming from just one parent but the extended family on that side.

This prevents one parent feeling embarrassed or an ‘inferior’ parent if they can’t afford the same level of gift.

Be aware of family members overseas

Sometimes families have Christmas plans which involve travelling abroad to visit extended family. If this is the case, then you have to remain child-focused and realise that this is a life experience for the child Parents should not put their own opinions and desires before that.

Plus, with technology such as Skype and FaceTime, it is a lot easier for children to communicate with the other parent even if they’re far away.

Involve children in decision-making if appropriate

All children mature at different times and there may be other dynamics at play that sometimes hinder their ability to make a decision – especially as they won’t want to upset either parent.

But they should be included in decision-making if parents deem it appropriate. They need to appreciate the child’s wants and needs over their own.

The best thing at Christmas is for a child to see both parents being civil and accommodating to one another and making an effort to get on well.

Children should not see the conflicts between parents.

Trying to put the needs of the child first will help ensure a trouble-free Christmas that everyone in the family can enjoy.

Click here for more articles by Matthew Clemence

ABOUT MATTHEW CLEMENCE

Matthew qualified as a solicitor in 2001 following completion of his training at a prominent law firm in East London.

Matthew originally joined Prettys in 2003 before leaving to head up the family law team in a firm based in Newmarket in 2009.

Matthew has now re-joined Prettys as a Senior Associate bringing with him a wealth of experience to the family law team.

Notably, Matthew was the husband’s solicitor in the Wright case which received worldwide publicity following the decision passed down by The Court of Appeal involving spousal maintenance, the result of which has dramatically changed the legal landscape in this area of law.

Consequently Matthew now receives instruction from clients both in the UK and abroad seeking advice in this particular area.

In addition, Matthew advises clients on all issues arising from family matters, including divorce, financial resolution, children disputes, pre/post marital agreements as well as financial resolution with cross jurisdictional elements, businesses, trusts and land.

Matthew is collaboratively trained and a member of Resolution.  He is committed to resolving all family matters outside court wherever possible.

prettys.co.uk

mclemence@prettys.co.uk

t 01473 298337

How Does Mediation Work

Ant Wants Mediation, Lisa Wants her Day in Court – How Does Mediation Work?

Family Lawyer
Peter Jones
Founder of Jones Myers
Family Solicitors

The high-profile divorce between Ant McPartlin and his estranged wife, Lisa Armstrong, rumbles on with Ant keen to hold further mediation talks but Lisa appearing to be bent on having her day in court.

While Ant is looking to avoid a very public and fractious court divorce, Lisa is reported to prefer this route because half of the TV presenter’s £62 million fortune is ‘not enough’ for her.

Although now looking highly unlikely, a fresh round of mediation talks on how the £62 million is divided would take place between the former spouses and a mediator behind closed doors.

As this high-profile divorce rumbles on, here are some key questions about mediation:

What is mediation?

Mediation is a means of resolving divorce disputes constructively, wherever possible, and avoiding costly, public and stressful litigation in court.

The private and confidential process involves an independent third party, a mediator, who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement. Both of you sign an ‘Agreement to Mediate’ to enable negotiation to continue on a ‘without prejudice’ basis.

What does a mediator do?

The mediator facilitates a series of voluntary discussions – assisting and guiding you both to explore and discuss issues and helping to move dialogue forward. A successful outcome results in an agreement which is formalised into a binding court order without you having to go to court.

Can I keep my own solicitor?

Yes, mediation enables you both to retain your own solicitor who you can consult outside of the meetings.

What happens if the mediation talks are deadlocked?

Because mediation is a voluntary process, talks can be concluded at any time if headway is not made.

Can mediation save on legal expenses?

Mediation can result in a swifter resolution, reducing legal expenses which mount up in prolonged divorce cases between warring couples.

I’ve heard its compulsory – is this right?

Mediation is a voluntary process and is not compulsory. You may have read about a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) meeting, usually relating to cases involving finances or children, which couples are expected to attend before court proceedings are issued.

These meetings are designed to inform both parties about alternative resolution schemes and to establish if the circumstances are suitable for mediation.

When is mediation not relevant?

In cases relating to domestic violence or child abuse one or other party may take the view that a mediation meeting is not appropriate.

Click here for more articles by Peter Jones

About Peter Jones 

 Peter Jones is one of the country’s leading divorce and family lawyers. A qualified arbitrator and mediator, Peter set up Jones Myers as the first niche family law firm in the north of England in 1992 and has acted for a string of high-profile clients.

Renowned for his sympathetic approach, he is a former national chairman of Resolution, a former Deputy District Judge – and instigated the D5 Group of law firms that promotes excellence in family law. www.jonesmyers.co.uk

Reasons to Choose Mediation over Divorce

Reasons to Choose Mediation over Divorce Court

Elizabeth Bilton
Elizabeth Bilton
Accredited Mediator and
Qualified Solicitor for Midlands Dove

When relationships run into difficulty, it can be only too easy for negative emotions to take over and to be the primary driving force behind decisions which will have long-term consequences not just for the people involved but for the people around them.

Even if there are no children to consider, the effect of a divorce can spill over onto family and friends.

This is even more likely if the couple moves straight to the courtroom “without passing go”.

While family courts do generally try to take a gentler approach than their counterparts in other areas of the law, even they can bring out the combative side in people, which can end up producing undesirable consequences.

Going to mediation as a first step may not save the relationship (although, in some cases that may be possible), but it does bring many benefits.

Emotions are acknowledged and managed

Mediators do not attempt to eliminate all emotion from the sessions that would be unreasonable and arguably impossible. Instead, they work to ensure that emotions are acknowledged but managed. They aim to stop people from being consumed by negativity and keep them focused on what is in their long-term best interests

Discussions are kept confidential

Courtroom proceedings are, generally, open. There are a very few exceptions to this, but they are highly unlikely to apply in standard divorce proceedings. The openness of courts is integral to the ideas behind them.  Basically, it’s not only that justice needs to be done; it needs to be seen to be done in a fair and reasonable manner.

This approach has a lot of benefits overall, but it may not be ideal in a divorce situation, especially if children are involved as it can result in them finding out information their parents would prefer them not to know, at least not now.

Even if children are not involved, there may be many other reasons for preferring confidentiality.

Sessions can work to a much shorter time-frame than a court

In simple terms, the more people need to be involved in a situation, the more challenging it can be to find a time when everyone can get together.

Courts involve multiple people whereas mediation sessions, in principle, only involve three people (the couple and the mediator). Added to this is the fact that mediators do not necessarily have to treat each issue raised with the depth which would be expected in a legal situation.

There is great flexibility

Obviously, any agreed outcome has to be compliant with the law, but otherwise whatever is agreed between the couple is entirely down to them. As an added benefit, outcomes do not have to be “set in stone” the way they often are in legal proceedings. Couples can test them and make adjustments as mutually agreed.

The cost of mediation can be much lower than going straight to lawyers

For all of the above reasons and more, the cost of mediation can be substantially lower than the cost of going straight to lawyers.

What’s more, if the couple do end up divorcing, they can simply pay lawyers to formalise the agreement created by the mediator, rather than paying them to create a brand new agreement.

Click here for more articles by Elizabeth Bilton

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth Bilton is an accredited mediator and qualified solicitor for Midlands Dove, with a specialism in family law disputes.

Elizabeth is one of only a few Mediators in the UK with an appropriate FMC accreditation to sign off on MIAMs required by the Family Court prior to an application being issued.

Child mediation work

How Does Child Mediation Work?

Marcia Lister
Family Mediator and
Professional Practice Consultant (PPC)

Family mediation is fundamentally an inclusive process.

This means that where children are involved, mediation can incorporate not only the biological parents’ points of view, but also those of step-parents, other family members and legal guardians, as well as the children themselves, projecting their voice and allowing then to be heard.

Child-mediation facts

When choosing a mediator for your child-inclusive mediation sessions, there are a few industry standards you should be aware of:

  • It is important that the mediator is trained in child consultation mediation and must be registered and qualified by the Family Mediation Council.
  • The mediator must have clearance by the disclosure and barring service.
  • Before any meeting the mediator should seek to get to know the child through their parents, focusing on their personality, stage of development and activities before exploring all options involving the child.
  • To take part in child inclusive mediation, children need to be at least 9 years old. The mediator has to take careful consideration as to whether the child is of sufficient age and maturity to be directly involved.

The child mediation process

Once the mediator has identified that the child is mature enough to handle the responsibility of child-inclusive mediation, there are certain steps that must be taken:

  • Both parents have to sign a form of consent for the mediation to go ahead.
  • The mediator will then send an email to the child to introduce themself prior to the meeting, this makes them feel grown up and included.
  • They can then meet with the mediator on their own, with siblings or with their parents. In my experience, most children want to opportunity to meet alone with the mediator so that they can talk openly and have their voice heard.

The mediation session itself is a short, informal meeting, tending to last half an hour to an hour. In this meeting the child will have a chat with the mediator about their point of view.

There is never any pressure on the child to continue the mediation and the session can be stopped at any point should the child wish to.

After the meeting

After the mediation there is a feedback meeting which the child usually asks not to be present for, during this meeting a few key stages of the mediation take place:

  • The mediator gives their feedback to the parents who have to be prepared to hear what the children have to say.
  • Usually if all of the proper preparation work has been done between the mediator and the parents, then they are only too happy to listen to what their children have to say.

Once the mediation session is complete, if the parents don’t agree about what is best for the children, there is the option to go to court. However this usually is not necessary since the child-inclusive mediation usually produces a conclusive decision that both parents are satisfied with.

Why choose child-inclusive mediation

The children are not there to make decisions but just to have their voice heard. The big advantage of child-inclusive mediation is that children need explanations and reassurance that their parents have been unable to give them and this process offers this.

By listening to children, you can show your care towards them, therefore child inclusive mediation should always be considered in divorce or separation cases involving children.

ABOUT MARCIA LISTER

A pioneer for mediation since commencing legal practice as a family solicitor some seventeen years ago Marcia has worked exclusively as an independent mediator since 2004, focussing initially on family mediation, and latterly on workplace mediation.

Marcia’s accreditations include Family Mediation and she is a qualified child consultant practitioner. Her associations include the Professional Mediators Association and Resolution.

Applying an approach, founded in both empathy and pragmatism, Marcia has successfully mediated a wide range of diverse disputes, both in and out of the workplace and at least a glimmer of a smile, maybe, on the faces of each participant at the close of the day is what makes her work so rewarding for all involved.

Marcia’s mediations are a platform to build successful outcomes for everyone concerned.

Marcia is also a Resolution qualified Professional Practice Consultant (PPC).

She provides support and guidance to assist newly qualified mediators working towards their senior accreditation level. She acts as a mentor and sounding board for the mediators and provides professional assistance and second opinions to help them move forward in their new roles.

To contact Marcia visit – marciamediation.co.uk

 

Photo by Zach Lucero on Unsplash

mediation helps children cope with divorce

Child-friendly Divorce – How Mediation Helps Children Cope with Divorce

Marcia Lister
Family Mediator and
Professional Practice Consultant (PPC)

Children can suffer from the stress of separation and divorce just as much as their parents, but mediation helps to give them a voice and more confidence in their future.

When families think about divorce they usually think of going through the court systems and putting a case forward.

Some may even think of involving their children in the divorce court, but mediation is a more peaceful alternative that should not be overlooked.

Mediation acts in the interests of all involved parties, making the experience less distressing for all and aiming to reach a reasonable agreement that pleases everyone involved.

What do Mediators do?

Throughout the mediation process, mediators aim to bring your divorce or separation to a mutually agreeable resolution, putting the control in your hands rather than leaving it to a judge in a court hearing.

Mediation can be used in all separation, divorce and even surrogacy cases, where mediators will listen to couples and also, where appropriate, your children’s views, opinions and feelings.

Mediators make it easier to come to a solution that suits everyone involved, for example on issues like property dividends, shared care and other assets where couples might struggle to come to an agreement on their own.

Is Mediation Compulsory in Divorce Cases?

As of 2014, divorcing couples are required by law to at least consider mediation before making any court applications.

The Children and Families Bill states that anyone seeking a court order to resolve a dispute over children, finances or property dividends must attend a ‘mediation information and assessment agreement’.

This is a beneficial act for both couples and the courts as it helps you to learn about the expensive costs and added stress of going through the divorce courts so that you can make your own informed decision.

While mediation is not mandatory – you can still choose to go to court if you wish – a mediator can also help you to compile submissions to the court too. The different approaches are complementary, rather than mutually exclusive.

Making Children’s Voices Heard in Divorce

For many families, keeping children away from the stress of the court system is very important, but children can feel anxious if they are not involved in the process. This is why child-inclusive mediation aims to include children throughout every stage of the process, giving them a say in their own future.

Inclusive child mediation prevents children from feeling powerless about their situation, when many are mature enough to have a say in their future.

Even if the children are not old enough to make a decision in their future, mediation will allow them to feel less ‘left-out’ when it comes to decision making on their behalf and reduces stress on the family as a whole.

While the final decision is always likely to be a compromise, child-inclusive mediation makes sure the child’s voice is heard, so the arrangements made on issues like where the children live and how often they see the other parent are more likely to be satisfying to both parents and to the child too – equipping everyone for a brighter family future, whatever the outcome.

About Marcia Lister

A pioneer for mediation since commencing legal practice as a family solicitor some seventeen years ago Marcia has worked exclusively as an independent mediator since 2004, focussing initially on family mediation, and latterly on work place mediation.

Marcia’s accreditations include Family Mediation and she is a qualified child consultant practitioner. Her associations include the Professional Mediators Association and Resolution.

Applying an approach, founded in both empathy and pragmatism, Marcia has successfully mediated a wide range of diverse disputes, both in and out of the work place and at least a glimmer of a smile, maybe, on the faces of each participant at the close of the day is what makes her work so rewarding for all involved.  Marcia’s mediations are a platform to build successful outcomes for everyone concerned.

Marcia is also a Resolution qualified Professional Practice Consultant (PPC).

She provides support and guidance to assist newly qualified mediators working towards their senior accreditation level. She acts as a mentor and sounding board for the mediators and provides professional assistance and second opinions to help them move forward in their new roles

To contact Marcia visit – marciamediation.co.uk

positive co-parenting

Divorce Mediation: A Prototype for Positive Co-Parenting

Oliver Ross, JD, PhD
Oliver Ross, JD, PhD

For many, the word “divorce” suggests images of angry interactions, family fractures, exorbitant attorney fees, and months if not years of court battles.

Sadly, these images are realities for couples involved in divorce litigation. Statistics show that divorcing couples typically lose a third of their monetary net worth to litigation attorneys and frequently feel physically exhausted and emotionally drained.

Statistics also show that the “win lose” mentality intrinsic to litigation increases spousal hostility and tension, and diminishes or even destroys constructive communication – all of which is virtually certain to negatively affect the ability of divorcing couples to positively and healthily co-parent.

Unlike divorce litigation, divorce mediation is a prototype for positive co-parenting.

From the outset professional divorce mediators establish the centrality of constructive communication to the process of mediation. They help divorcing couples buy-in to not make disparaging and otherwise inflammatory remarks, and to otherwise speak and listen to each other with respect.

Skilled divorce mediators recognize that this centrality of constructive communication not only facilitates resolution of financial issues during the divorce but also opens the way for the mediator to serve as a role model for positive co-parenting both during and after divorce.

During mediation, professional divorce mediators model constructive communication in numerous ways.

They listen without interruption to gain a better understanding of the content and emotional underpinnings of what is said. They also listen reflectively, responding when appropriate to what is said with a short phrase such as “I hear you” or with a quick nod of the head, to let the speaker know he or she has been heard.

Skilled divorce mediators also selectively summarize or paraphrase what’s said, to make sure that their understanding is accurate. Here’s an example:

Speaker: Since she left me, I haven’t been able to do anything – I can’t stay on top of the bills, can’t do a good job at work, and can’t really be there for my kids.

Mediator: I hear you. You said that being a single parent can be overwhelming and emotionally exhausting, and you’re having a hard time doing a good job at work and at home. Is that about right?

Professional divorce mediators also act as a role model for positive co-parenting when they reframe hostile and otherwise quarrelsome statements by restating them with neutral or positive words, so as to decrease or avoid defensive reactions.  For example:

Speaker:  He is a terrible father. He never spends any time with the kids.

Mediator: So are you saying that from your perspective the kids are more likely to feel loved if their father spent more time with them?

Yet another way in which skilled divorce mediators serve as a role model for constructive communication is when they validate or parrot what is said.

Validating lets the speaker know that the emotions underlying what is said are legitimate in divorce situations.

Parroting – when the mediator repeats one critical word or phrase of what is said – not only lets the speaker know that the emotions behind what is said are valid but also encourages further explanation.

Here is an example of validating followed by an example of parroting:

Speaker: She wants all of the benefit of my working hard and making lots of money but constantly complains when I’m late to pick the kids up.

Mediator: I hear your frustration and want you to know that feeling that way is common and normal in divorce mediation.

Speaker:  He can be so hostile when he talks to the kids.

Mediator: Hostile?

Finally, professional divorce mediators function as role models for constructive communication when they demonstrate empathy. Being empathic makes known that having experienced a similar situation, the mediator can relate to how the speaker feels that way.

Being empathic is not, however, the same as being sympathetic; it is not feeling sorry or pitying the speaker. It is a demonstration of care and compassion for how the speaker feels.

For instance:

Speaker: I just can’t believe this is happening. I thought our marriage would last forever.

Mediator: I can understand how you feel. I felt very much the same when I was going through a divorce.

All of the foregoing constructive communication skills modeled by professional divorce mediators give divorcing parents firsthand experience with ways to promote positive co- parenting.

While the adversarial and accusatorial nature of divorce litigation is antithetical to parents having any opportunity to learn how to constructively communicate and promote positive co-parenting, the cooperative and collaborative nature of divorce mediation opens the way for parents to adopt the constructive communication skills required for positive co- parenting.

About Oliver Ross

Oliver Ross has mediated over 2500 Arizona divorces and legal separations.

With his backgrounds in accounting, law, business, psychology and mediation, he is uniquely qualified as a mediator.

Dr. Ross earned a Bachelor of Science degree in accounting in 1965, a Juris Doctor degree in law in 1968, a Master’s degree in clinical psychology in 1992, and a Doctor of Philosophy degree in human behavior psychology in 1994.

He was a trial attorney in California for nineteen years and operated a family-owned business for five years.

For the past twenty years, Oliver has been Director of Mediation Services for his company, Out-of-Court Solutions®.

Oliver has achieved the prominent status of Advanced Practitioner Member of the Academy of Professional Mediators, and is a past Arizona chapter of the Maricopa County Association of Family Mediators.

He has written several articles for professional publications, including, “The Anatomy of Anger,” and a book titled, “Situational Mediation: Sensible Conflict Resolution”.

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