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How to identify and help survivors of domestic abuse
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How to identify and help survivors of domestic abuse

Published on
Fiona Ryans
Fiona Ryans
Solicitor
Beecham Peacock Newcastle

A staggering one in five people have experienced domestic abuse since the age of 16 in the UK. That amounts to 10.4 million people across the nation. A further one in 20 were the victim of domestic violence between March 2021–March 2022.

These sobering statistics highlight how pressing an issue domestic abuse is in the UK.

Domestic abuse is defined as any threatening behaviour, violence or abuse from a current or ex-partner. This can be psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional.

Key findings

  • Domestic abuse has affected one in five adults in the UK since they turned 16.
  • Domestic abuse-related crimes rose by 7.7% between March 2021–2022, according to data from police in England and Wales.
  • In this period, the National Domestic Helpline delivered 50,791 support sessions through phone call or live chat.
  • The domestic abuse-related charging rate increased for the first time in four years, surging to 72.7% in the same timeframe, according to the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS).
  • 5 million domestic-abuse related crimes were reported in England and Wales between March 2021–March 2022.
  • The no-fault divorce law can help victims of domestic abuse to leave their marriages more easily.
  • Identifying the signs of domestic abuse, including injuries and a change in behaviour, will help you support victims.

Identifying signs of domestic abuse

In order to help a victim, you need to understand the signs of domestic abuse. They may be hard to spot – that’s often the aim of the abuser – but it’s possible to discover tell-tale signs.

First of all, physical abuse can leave marks on the victim’s body. Someone who is being physically abused may have regular bruises or physical injuries associated with being choked, punched, or knocked down — and they are likely to have a weak or inconsistent explanation for these injuries.

It’s important to note that they may also have injuries that aren’t visible – if they appear to be in pain with no noticeable symptoms, this could be in indication of domestic abuse.

Domestic abuse causes a lot of emotional distress. People who have experienced domestic violence may come to believe that they will always be under the abuser’s control, or be constantly on edge to the point where they can never truly relax. They may become withdrawn and communicate less often with you. If you begin to notice a change in your friend or loved one, it may be domestic abuse.

Helping people suffering from domestic abuse

1. Take the first step

Any of the above signs can indicate domestic abuse. If you’ve noticed someone hiding bruises with clothes or a reluctance to talk about where their injuries have come from, they may be a victim of domestic abuse. If this is the case, they are likely to find talking about it difficult.

That’s why it may be a good idea for you to take the first step. Start by explaining your concern, along with reassurance that you would be discreet with any information you share. Allow the conversation to develop at a comfortable pace rather than attempting to force the other person to open up.

Remember to pay attention without judging the person. If you pay close attention, your loved one may tell you exactly what they need. Just give the speaker a chance to finish their sentence.

2. Try to understand to their feelings

Domestic abuse can be complex – victims will often be confused about their situation. These feelings are often a combination of guilt, despair, love and fear.

Even if you can’t relate to their experiences, you should validate them. Let them know that these conflicts are normal. However, it’s also crucial to stress that using violence or emotional abuse is unacceptable and that living in constant fear is not normal.

If they haven’t been in other relationships, they may not realise the extent of the abuse. They may have become accustomed to the cycle. Regardless, it’s important that the person in question feels your support and validation – often these feelings can empower domestic abuse survivors to take action, in spite of their fear.

  1. Divorce and family law advice
    If the person you’re helping is married, you can inform them of any possibilities to dissolve the legal binding. Thanks to changes that came into effect in April 2022, they will not need a reason to file for divorce. Although domestic violence qualifies as a grounds for divorce, a no-fault divorce can remove a lot of the stress and emotional manipulation from the situation.

You may also want to help them get information on child custody. In cases involving domestic abuse, they will not have to attend a mediation meeting before going to court. It costs £232 to apply for the court order, but they may be entitled to help if they’re on benefits or a low income.

You might also want to point them in the right direction of legal matters. For many people, the associated costs are a barrier to pursuing and receiving the proper help and support from solicitors. However, subject to a means assessment, victims could be entitled to receive legal aid to help pay fees. And if the victim has received an injury as a result of crime or violence, for example, they may be entitled to receive compensation through the Criminal Injuries Compensation Scheme.

As much as you can try to help, you must let the victim decide if they’d like to prosecute. Depending on the nature of each case and the victim’s preferred outcome, there are various different routes to explore. If the case goes to court, the victim may be expected to give evidence against an abuser. Specialist legal teams can coach victims through this process, but please be aware this can be difficult, both mentally and emotionally. If a case goes to trial, the abuser could face a prison sentence, and could also be subject to a restraining order – which could help give peace of mind for safety.

4. Point them in the right direction

You can help by finding practical resources. Look up telephone numbers for shelters and social services or explore legal options and support groups – it can be helpful for a survivor of domestic abuse to know they aren’t alone.

There are multiple resources available to help women, including The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline. It’s run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for free at any time, day or night. The staff will offer confidential, non-judgemental information and support. You can also contact Men’s Advice Line on 0808 8010 327. Specialist emotional and practical support is available from Galop on 0800 999 5428 for LGBTQIA+ survivors of domestic violence.

Formulate an escape plan

Finally, you can help them formulate an escape plan. Making a plan may help them visualise the steps that are necessary to break the system of abuse. In many cases, this preparation is as much mental as physical – often, domestic abuse survivors cannot even fathom the thought of leaving, for their own safety.

Don’t try to rescue someone. The decision to leave and seek support must be made by the victim of domestic abuse. The first step for you, however, is awareness. By regularly checking in with your family and friends and learning the signs of domestic abuse, you could help prevent further harm and even save a life.

Sources

ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/bulletins/domesticabuseinenglandandwalesoverview/november2022

gov.uk/government/news/new-divorce-laws-will-come-into-force-from-6-april-2022

gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/apply-for-court-order

gov.uk/legal-aid

beechampeacock.co.uk/family-law/domestic-violence/

nationaldahelpline.org.uk

mensadviceline.org.uk

Galop.org.uk

 

Click here for more articles by Fiona

About Fiona Ryans

Fiona Ryans is a solicitor at Beecham Peacock Newcastle, specialising in all areas of family law, including collaborative.

 

 

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A solicitor and client shaking hands sat at a desk with paper work.
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Solicitors still key to successful separation, despite introduction of ‘no-fault’ divorce 

Published on
Megan Bennie
Megan Bennie
Family Law Solicitor
Furley Page

While it may be tempting to think that no-fault divorce makes lawyers unnecessary to the process, this is far from the case. Taking advice from a solicitor, even if it’s only a single appointment early in the process, can ensure any application starts off correctly and stays on the right track so that it is ultimately concluded in a way that is as efficient and stress free as possible. 

Following the introduction of ‘no-fault‘ divorce in April 2022, one or both spouses now simply need to confirm the marriage has broken down irretrievably. The language used has been simplified and the forms are now accessed through an online portal, which has made the application process for divorce (or dissolution where there is a civil partnership) a lot more straightforward. 

Nevertheless, for most separating couples the divorce application is only one part of the separation process, and sorting out finances and child arrangements can prove much more contentious and challenging.  

Financial matters, particularly the daunting prospect of safeguarding one’s long-term financial future after separation, can be a hugely emotive topic. Many people find that having a solicitor as a ‘buffer’ between themselves and their former partner can help them manage the separation and financial negotiation process a lot more easily. 

Furthermore, a solicitor can be very helpful in dealing with the many complex rules and guidelines that determine what a court would consider a fair financial settlement in that family’s particular circumstances.

As the online divorce process does not formalise the financial settlement, a separate court order (known as a consent order) will still be required, which needs to be properly drafted by a solicitor and approved by the court, even in cases where there is agreement between both parties. A solicitor will also ensure that all aspects of the settlement have been considered, including tax implications and pensions. 

One of the primary concerns our clients have is making suitable, fair arrangements for the care of their children, both in terms of how they will deal with the relationship breakdown and what living arrangements will be put in place thereafter. 

A solicitor can negotiate on their client’s behalf in relation to child arrangements and support them through the court process if this becomes necessary, although for most family’s mediation led by an independent, specially trained third party will be the most suitable route for resolving matters concerning children.  

The best outcomes are achieved through cooperation as, for the most part, separating couples want the same thing: a fair division of their finances to be completed swiftly so they can move forward with their lives. Instructing solicitors who are committed to resolving disputes in a swift, constructive and, if possible, amicable way can make a huge difference to outcomes, costs and stress levels. 

Click here for more articles by Megan

About Megan

Megan Bennie is an Associate in the family law team Furley Page.

Megan joined the team in 2021, having gained valuable previous experience at specialist family law firms featured in the Legal 500 directory.

Megan advises on all aspects of relationship breakdown, whether divorce or separation, including in relation to civil partnerships, dealing with issues such as the appropriate division of finances.

Megan also assists couples seeking to formalise arrangements through pre and post nuptial agreements and cohabitation (or living together) agreements. She can also assist with legal issues arising when cohabitation comes to an end whether there is a cohabitation agreement in place or not.

Megan can provide legal advice on a wide range of areas relating to children including arrangements for contact and who a child lives with, where a child lives (including relocation to another jurisdiction) and in relation to special guardianship and adoption.

Megan is primarily based at the Chatham office but is also available for meetings at either the Canterbury or Whitstable office.

 

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UK couples turning to 'pet-nups' to help resolve disagreements over pets when relationships break down 
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UK couples turning to ‘pet-nups’ to help resolve disagreements over pets when relationships breakdown 

Published on
Megan Bennie
Megan Bennie
Family Law Solicitor
Furley Page

With around 60% of UK households owning a pet, it’s no surprise that who gets custody of any animals can be a key area of negotiation when relationships break down. 

For many people a pet is not just an animal, it’s a fully-fledged member of the family, so it’s no wonder that pets can be a particularly emotive topic for clients when relationships end. Unfortunately, a pet’s treatment by the law hasn’t kept up with the way they are generally viewed by their owners. 

In the UK, the law treats pets as possessions, meaning in a divorce case, a beloved pet would, in theory, be treated by a Court as no different from an armchair or television. 

In reality, the Courts rarely deal with cases regarding pets for a variety of reasons, notably the cost of bringing legal action. When the Court does deal with animal matters, its focus is generally on who is the legal owner or provides the majority of the animal’s care.  

For most people, cases are settled away from the Courtroom through direct discussions between the adults involved, with the needs of the pet and the wishes of any children in the family ideally being a consideration too.  

Some couples are also using ‘pet-nups’ to pre-empt or avoid difficult issues that could arise should a relationship break down. Although not legally binding, the pet-nup can be an essential tool in avoiding stressful and expensive disputes at a later date and keeping the matter out of the Courtroom, and could be taken into consideration if the matter were to end up in Court. 

Where issues can’t be resolved directly or there is no pre-existing agreement, a lawyer can help by negotiating on a client’s behalf to try to ensure they achieve what they want for their pet, whether that’s continued ownership, visitation, or just to know the pet will be well cared for. 

Mediation is another option, whereby an independent third party can help a former couple to work their way through the issues around pet ownership in much the same way they would with issues relating to children of finances. 

Click here for more articles by Furley Page

About Megan Bennie

Megan Bennie is a family law solicitor at Furley Page.  Megan joined the team in 2021, having gained valuable previous experience at specialist family law firms featured in the Legal 500 directory.

Megan advises on all aspects of relationship breakdown, whether divorce or separation, including in relation to civil partnerships, dealing with issues such as the appropriate division of finances and ongoing arrangements for children.

Megan also assists couples seeking to formalise arrangements through pre and post nuptial agreements and cohabitation (or living together) agreements.

Megan is primarily based at the Chatham office but is also available for meetings at either the Canterbury or Whitstable offices.

www.furleypage.co.uk

 

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What’s the role of a divorce mediator
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What’s the role of a divorce mediator?

Published on
Veronica Baxter
Veronica Davis
Legal Assistant
Greater Philadelphia area

Divorce mediators offer couples an alternative to the traditional divorce court system.

Usually, the divorce mediation process is considerably more amicable and less contentious than working through the courts.

With divorce mediation, both parties sit down with a divorce mediator and discuss important issues that usually make court proceedings painful, prolonged, and expensive—like child custody, property division, or child support.

Essentially, mediators help couples settle their divorce outside of court. After all the issues are resolved, the mediator will draft a divorce settlement that gets sent to the court.

This post will break down the benefits of divorce mediation. Let’s dig in.

What Are The Benefits of Divorce Mediation?

Divorce Mediation Helps You Better Navigate The Issues

Divorce mediation can help you settle critical unresolved issues that have impactful financial and familial consequences that can draw out court proceedings and wrack up expenses. A divorce mediator helps both you and your partner take these issues head-on so that when the time comes for the actual divorce, there are no hang-ups or unresolved conflicts that will prolong the experience.

Essentially, divorce mediators help walk divorcees-to-be through the issues before resorting to court. Their services come in handy if you and your partner share many assets or care for a child who has special needs.

Divorce Mediation Gives You More Control Over the Process

In divorce court, the judge has the final say over who gets child custody, who keeps the house, and who gets the car. It’s not to say that judges don’t care about the cases under their jurisdiction, but when their caseload is high, it’s hard for them to give each case the individual care and attention that people seeking divorce deserve.

Nobody knows your situation better than you and your soon-to-be-ex. If possible, you both should determine the fate of the kids and your assets. Divorce mediators help you and your partner settle on your terms.

Divorce Mediation Helps You Settle Faster

If you can resolve your issues before heading to court, you are saving yourself months of drawn-out, contentious court battles with your ex. The courts already move at the speed of molasses on a cold day. If your issues are ironed out before a judge is even appointed, you are drastically increasing the speed at which your case will settle.

Divorce Mediation Saves (Considerable) Money

Needing a divorce attorney to represent you in divorce court causes your expenses to grow exponentially. This is especially true if you have many issues to settle with your ex. By hiring a divorce mediator, you and your spouse agree to split the cost of the service, which is far less expensive than fronting the entire bill of a divorce attorney for several months.

Some mediators allow divorce mediation lawyers to be present to represent each member of the couple, but this is usually discouraged and adds to the expense of the whole process.

When Is Divorce Mediation Not the Best Choice?

Divorce mediation is a valuable service, but it isn’t always the best choice. Divorce mediation doesn’t work well for couples whose relationship dynamics are strongly unequal. You can’t effectively mediate when both parties are not on equal footing.

Divorce mediation is also more expensive than DIY divorce services. However, with DIY divorce services, you are entirely on your own.

Click here for more articles by Veronica Davis

About Veronica Baxter

Veronica Baxter is a legal assistant operating out of the greater Philadelphia area. She frequently works with the Schwartz Law Firm, leeaschwartz.com, a team of dedicated divorce and family law attorneys based in Philadelphia.

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A story of divorce from a child’s perspective
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A story of divorce from a child’s perspective

Published on
Despina Mavridou
Despina Mavridou
author, mediator, lawyer

My parents filed for divorce when I was approximately 10 years old. I remember the desperation and the sense of emptiness I had inside me for months after the announcement.

I also clearly remember the day I returned home from school and saw my dad packing his things into the car. I was close to my dad because he spent a lot of time with me while my mum was working all day, so when he left I felt very alone.

I was living with my mum and of course I was not alone, but I missed his jokes and how he defended me every time I had bad grades at school.

After he left home, the real battle started.

On paper they had a common consent divorce, but they were not able to handle their emotions. My dad left home because he had a new person in his life, and my mum couldn’t accept that at all.

My sister and I suffered through their arguments. She is younger than me, so in trying to protect her, I was at the front line of the battle. I had to protect and defend my mum because my dad was the “bad” guy. I had to hate my dad. I had to demand things from him. At the same time I had to help my mum get over the divorce and try to help her feel better.

The burden on my shoulders was really heavy, heavier than I could understand at the time. I was trying to mediate and please both of them and it simply was not impossible. It made me feel sad and alone. I never admitted my loneliness, not even to myself. I pretended I was strong and I didn’t care.

After a few years of being in the middle and trying to feel accepted by everyone, I was so tired that I finally did pick sides. I stopped seeing my dad. I would not be the mediator anymore. This cost me my relationship with my dad for more than 20 years.

As an adult I get angry that I felt forced to pick sides. It was not my role to be in the middle. It was not my role to know who makes more money or spends more on me. It was not my role to pick sides. It was not my role to hear that my dad abandoned his marriage because of a third person in his life. But I knew all these things and they poisoned my childhood.

It took me years and a lot of therapy to find a balance and recreate a relationship with myself first, and after that with both of my parents.

As a professional mediator now, I have encountered these same damaging behaviors from parents at the mediation table. I know that it’s not easy, and I do not blame these parents because I can understand how hard it is for them. However, I wanted to create a story that helps them realize what they are doing to their kids.

This is how the book Mum, Dad, Can you hear me? was born.

The first version of this book was actually written to my own parents. I wanted to communicate to them certain things that I never had the courage to say. Of course after the first draft, a lot of amendments were made with my editor to create the book as it is now.

The most important message of the book is for the parents to “see” divorce through the eyes of a kid and for kids to understand that they can communicate to their parents what they really need from them.

Irene, the protagonist of the story (her name means “peace” in Greek), asks her parents for 11 important things. Parents should take notice of them.

Naturally every divorce story is different, but it is important for parents to understand that kids feel voiceless in these situations. Their first reaction is often to try not to blame anyone, but to try to please both parents, to feel accepted by both of them, and to not lose them.

Children do not care why the marriage is broken (most of the time they are not able to understand it) and they do not want their parents to accuse each other.

Last, but not least, the kids do not have the option to leave home, so it is important not to make them feel trapped in their home. It is crucial for kids to feel safe to express themselves and feel accepted independently of what they are saying. It is important not to force them to pick sides.

Hopefully the book will give the opportunity to both children and parents to come closer, actively communicate, and recreate a balance.

Click here for more articles by Despina Mavridou

About Despina Mavridou

My name is Despina Mavridou. I am an author, a mediator and a lawyer in Greece.

I experienced the negative effects of divorce due to my parents’ separation when I was ten years old. For many years I was in the middle of their fights, trying to find a balance. When I was approx. 17 years old, I decided that I didn’t want to see my dad anymore. This cost me my relationship with him for more than 20 years (we have reunited recently).

After many years working as a lawyer, in the last four years I discovered mediation and also my passion for writing. For this reason, I left my job as a lawyer to concentrate on my passion.

My first published book is titled Mum, Dad, Can you hear me? and it is partially based on my personal story. I always wanted to share certain things with my parents to make them understand how I was feeling about their divorce.

Moreover, working as a mediator in family dispute issues, I saw how difficult it is for parents to get in their kid’s shoes.

The specific book Mum, Dad Can you hear me? serves dual purpose.

On one hand I want to help children understand that divorce is not the end of the world and that they can have both parents in their lives.

On the other hand, I want to help parents see divorce through the eyes of a ten-year-old girl to better understand the thoughts, needs and feelings of children and how important it is for them to have both parents in their lives.

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Child Arrangement Orders: the solution to navigating acrimonious separation
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Child Arrangement Orders: the solution to navigating acrimonious separation

Published on
Gareth Protheroe, Nelsons
Gareth Protheroe
Legal Director and
Family Law Solicitor Nelsons

More than five million households in the UK currently consist of a couple with dependent children, according to Statista.

However, with 42% of marriages ending in divorce, according to the Office for National Statistics, this landscape is constantly changing and separating parents across the country are having to learn how to navigate co-parenting while going through what can be an incredibly stressful period in their lives if the split is acrimonious. , explains how child arrangement orders can provide a solution to divorcing parties who are unable to agree on living arrangements for their children.

A child arrangement order, found under section eight of the Children Act 1989, is designed to regulate contact and living arrangements concerning children when the separating parties can’t agree on how much time will be spent with each parent. In these circumstances, the court has the power to make the decisions and specify:

  • Where the child(ren) lives;
  • When and where the child(ren) will see their other parent; and,
  • Other specific matters relating to the child(ren)’s welfare and well-being.

What’s the process?

When making child arrangement orders, the court is required to attach a ‘warning notice’, the purpose of this is to encourage the parties to comply with the order and warn of the consequences of failing to do so.

The child arrangement order must contain the warning notice for an enforcement order to be made. In other words, the person who is in breach of the order must know of the existence of the warning notice. This could be by having a copy of the child arrangement order with the warning notice attached or being otherwise informed.

When a parent fails to comply with the contact arrangement, as prescribed in the order, a party may decide to make a further application to court if they need to enforce it.

If there is a breach in the child arrangement order, the court must consider whether an enforcement order is needed. Before this, the court must first be satisfied that making the order is necessary and proportionate to the seriousness and frequency of the party breaching the order.

Before the court decides to force action, they will consider:

  • The reasons for the non-compliance;
  • The effect of non-compliance on the child concerned;
  • The welfare checklist;
  • Whether advice from Cafcass is required on an appropriate way of moving forward; and,
  • If the parties should attend any dispute resolution programmes.

How are child arrangement orders enforced?

In cases where the court is satisfied beyond reasonable doubt that a person has failed to comply with a child arrangement order, it has the power to enforce it in several ways. These include:

  • Referring the parties to a Separated Parents Information Program (SPIP) or mediation;
  • Variation of the child arrangement order, which could include a more defined order or reconsideration of the child’s living or contact arrangements;
  • An enforcement order or suspended enforcement order;
  • An order for compensation for financial loss;
  • Committal to prison; or,
  • A fine.

What happens if someone breaches a child arrangement order?

Any breach of an order is taken incredibly seriously and the court will often impose sanctions. For example, it can impose a requirement to undertake between 40 and 200 hours of unpaid work or make an order for the person in breach to pay the applicant compensation.

Therefore, if you do not agree with the stipulations set out in the order, it is better to take advice and make an application to vary the order rather than placing yourself in a situation where you may breach it and face the consequences.

Top tips:

  • Think of what’s best for the children: In such a complicated, and often emotional, situation, it can be easy to get wrapped up in the proceedings, therefore it is crucial to consider how your actions will affect your children.
  • Be open and willing to compromise: This is paramount in order for all parties involved to craft the best solution for you and your children.
  • Find a family lawyer who specialises in children’s law: If you have a child arrangement order in place and a party to that order is failing to comply with the terms, then your first port of call is to try to resolve the issue privately. If this is not possible then you may wish to seek mediation or an application to a court for enforcement.

Click here for more article from Nelsons

About Gareth Protheroe

Gareth qualified as a solicitor in 2014 and joined Nelsons in 2016. He specialises in children law, including care proceedings.

For more information on child arrangements please visit www.nelsonslaw.co.uk/children-law/child-arrangements/  

 

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You can make it after financial setbacks
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Life after divorce – You can make it after financial setbacks

Published on
Dr. Anita K. Smith
Dr. Anita K. Smith
Divorce Coach
Personal Finance Coach

Divorce is something that you cannot adequately prepare for; nevertheless, predict the outcome – whether the breakup is amicable or controversial.

Divorce can affect your emotions, your mind, your health, and your future.

It will cause you pain, anxiety, fear, uncertainty, and stress; leaving you devastated and defeated. Moreover, it can cause financial burdens and setbacks; preventing you from taking control of your finances.

Couples who divorce focus on the legal aspects: property and assets division, child custody and visitation, mediation, signing the paperwork, and other legalities; however, they sometimes neglect to discuss the financial implications of  post-divorce: joint debts, college funds, medical bills, health coverage, summer camps, etc.

This situation, if left ignored or postposed for extended time periods, will cause economic hardship for women who have sole custody of their children; simply being, mothers choose to stay home and raise their children while fathers become the breadwinner in the family.

If mutually agreeable for both parents to have careers, society often portrays men having higher salaries than women in the workforce and causing huge income gaps; although they are equally qualified and well capable to perform the same job.

Many women who become “single again” after divorce face challenges paying their financial obligations and achieving long-term financial success; compared to men who are divorced, and live alone, because of  income inequality and declining income levels, after divorce. Some women receive financial assistance, such as: alimony (up to 2 years), child support, and state health coverage.

Nevertheless, they are solely responsible for personal, medical, and unexpected bills that arise; which causes them to seek additional streams of income to cover their recurring expenses and adjust their finances to make ends-meet on a regular basis.

A recent financial study conveyed that divorced, single mothers experience a 52% decrease in their finances, while divorced, single fathers experience a 48% increase in their finances, and causes financial difficulties for 80% of women who take care of their children and household expenses, alone, after divorce. This is a major financial setback!

Are you going through a financial crisis and living paycheck to paycheck? Are your bills more than your income? Are you wondering how to get unstuck financially? Are bill collectors calling you every day? Are you feeling overwhelmed and having trouble sleeping at night? Are you going through financial setbacks and don’t know how to make a greater comeback?

If you answered Yes to any of these questions, Now is the time to demolish your self-limiting beliefs, conquer your debt permanently, and become financially free!

There are 3 ways that you can overcome financial setbacks: (1) Get your mind right; (2) Get your health right; and (3) Get your money right.

  1. Get your mind right – Avoid negative thinking and renew your mind daily. Focus on what you can control and what you cannot control. Try mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, walks in the parks, meditation, and listening to good music to break free from worry, depression, and anxiety. Try to understand your emotions and behaviors when it comes to money management.

 

  1. Get your health right – Being in debt is hazardous to your health. You must focus on physical exercises and self-care to eliminate stress. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is important to help you manage stress. You must become financially knowledgeable and empowered to break your financial obstacles by implementing practical, financial exercises to improve your situation.
  • Create a budget, evaluate and track your spending for four months, and develop financial plan to get out of debt.
  • Allocate your expenses using the 50/30/20 rule: 50% needs or living essentials; 30% wants – clothing, shoes, electronics, jewelry; 10% – tithes; charity; 10% – savings
  • Cut your expenses – give up some luxuries (cable TV with 300+ channels, shopping, restaurants, movies). Do you really need all of these things? What can you “do without” in your household? Is it a need or a want? Don’t impulse buy (online) while feeling sad or lonely. Spend money wisely.
  1. Get your money right – earn more: find additional income streams to help with your credit card and other bills. Develop a plan to pay your debts off within 1-3 years using the snowball method (lowest to highest) and use the extra money, after paying your bills off, to build your 6-month emergency fund.

Open a savings account: put money in the account for short-term and long-term goals, such as: retirement planning, birthdays, Christmas, family vacations, or family reunions.

Overcoming financial setbacks is possible and achievable. It takes prayer, planning, patience, and perseverance. You must believe in yourself! Seek professional help and start rebuilding your finances today! You Can Make It After Financial Setbacks!

About Dr Anita Smith

Dr. Anita K. Smith is a Life After Divorce Coach, Certified Financial Education Instructor (CFEI), Financial Advisor, and Keynote Speaker.

Dr. Anita is the award-winning, Amazon.com, published author of “You Can Make It: How To Start Living Your Virtuous Life.”

Dr. Anita works with individuals who are “single again” after divorce and help clients cope with change and uncertainty in their new life by using tools and techniques to transform, heal, recover, and eliminate pain, grief, and loss of the relationship or marriage breakup. She knows firsthand the effects and emotions of going through a divorce, and how it can wreak havoc on your life, and may cause you to experience health issues, financial issues, and relational issues.

Dr. Anita can help you regain your self-esteem and your self-worth. She will guide you, motivate you, and encourage you to become a CHAMPION AGAIN with practical solutions that you can implement right away to break free from a victim mindset and develop a warrior mindset. After working with Dr. Anita, you will recover, re-ignite, and rebuild your life AND finances after divorce.

Instagram: @dr.anita.k.smith

Instagram: @life_after_divorce_coaching

Website: lifeafterdivorcecoaching.net

Email: dranita@lifeafterdivorcecoaching.net

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What are the grounds for divorce in the United States
Photo by Chris Benson on Unsplash

What are the grounds for divorce in the United States

Published on
Veronica Baxter
Veronica Baxter
Legal Assistant
Greater Philadelphia area

While the grounds, or legal reasons, for divorce vary from state to state, this article will explain common grounds for divorce and the difference between no-fault and at-fault grounds for divorce from the office of a noted divorce mediation attorney in Philadelphia.

At-Fault Divorce vs. No-Fault Divorce

As the names imply, there are grounds for divorce that involve the fault of one party ending the marriage, as well as those that involve no fault on either parties’ part. Some states offer both legal types of grounds for divorce; others, only no-fault divorce.

Divorce courts do not usually consider whether one spouse was at fault for ending the marriage when determining things like division of marital property and child support. However, fault may be a factor when it affects the marriage’s economic situation, as when one spouse is addicted to gambling and gambles away marital property.

Also, if the party at fault is the spousal support obligor, their misconduct may affect the amount of alimony the court awards.

Common Grounds for Divorce in the US

Separation

Separation is a no-fault reason for divorce recognized in many states. State law will provide a period of time the couple must have been separated or living in separate primary residences, such as six months, a year, or two years. The parties must agree to divorce and will each submit a sworn affidavit to that effect and include it in their divorce complaint.

Irreconcilable Differences

This is another no-fault reason for divorce commonly provided under state law, which may use similar language such as the marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Again, the parties must agree to divorce, and state law will provide the language describing the circumstances to which the parties must attest and assert in their divorce complaint.

Adultery

Adultery may be the most common at-fault reason for divorce. It requires the plaintiff to prove that their spouse committed adultery, and those elements vary state-to-state. For example, Pennsylvania defines adultery as voluntary sexual intercourse with a person besides your spouse.

Proof of adultery may affect alimony, and in some states, an unfaithful spouse is not eligible to receive alimony at all regardless of relative income. To allege adultery, the plaintiff spouse must have “clean hands” – meaning, they are not adulterers themselves.

Desertion

If one spouse has been totally absent from the marital household for a prescribed period of time, the remaining spouse may file divorce alleging desertion. In cases where the deserting spouse cannot be found, a divorce may be granted in absentia.

Some states use the term “presumption of death” when there has been a period of desertion, and the deserting spouse cannot be found.

Cruelty or Humiliation

Most states have statutes providing that a spouse that is either verbally or physically humiliated or treated cruelly may file for divorce on that basis. Acts of domestic violence fall under this category, but cruel or humiliating acts do not necessarily have to rise to that extreme.

The elements the victim must prove vary widely state-to-state, but in New Jersey, for example, the act or acts must endanger the life or the health of the victim.

Institutionalization for Mental Illness

Like desertion, the institutionalization must be for a specified period of time. Many states provide the grounds of “insanity,” implying an involuntary permanent commitment to an institution. This reason for divorce is often combined with a count of cruelty.

Imprisonment

If one spouse is imprisoned due to a crime involving the other spouse or any other crime, the other may file for divorce on that basis. The grounds of cruelty/domestic violence are often also used by the victim in filing for divorce.

Addiction to a Narcotic Drug or Alcohol

In most states, the habitual drunkenness or drug-induced altered state of one spouse allows the other to file divorce for that reason. These grounds are often combined with the grounds of Cruelty and of Institutionalization or Insanity when the victim files for divorce.

Deviant Sexual Conduct

Deviant sexual conduct is conduct of a sexual nature that the victim did not consent to. It is not often defined under state law and may be lumped under Cruelty or domestic violence grounds.

An experienced divorce attorney in your state will be able to explain the various grounds for divorce that are available to you, and help you determine which legal basis for divorce offers the best solution for you.

Click here for more articles by Veronica Baxter

About Veronica Baxter

Veronica Baxter is a legal assistant operating out of the greater Philadelphia area. She frequently works with the Schwartz Law Firm, leeaschwartz.com, a team of dedicated divorce and family law attorneys based in Philadelphia.

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Is getting divorced online the way forward
Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash

Digital divorce: Is getting divorced online the way forward post-pandemic?

Published on
Angela Maxfield
Angela Maxfield
Solicitor in Family Law Team
Nelsons’

Many areas of life that are usually dealt with in person have been conducted online during the pandemic – and divorce proceedings are no exception.

As the COVID-19 restrictions ease, however, and near-normal service starts to resume, will digital divorces become the way forward or will clients return to their solicitors’ offices and courtrooms?

Are more divorcing couples now having digital divorces?

Most mediators only offer virtual meetings, while court hearings take place via phone and video. Divorce proceedings had been heading online before the pandemic but that change had only just come in for solicitors. Coronavirus has accelerated the decision to go digital.

What are the advantages of taking divorce online?

When it comes to the mediation aspects of divorce, some people feel more comfortable doing it over Zoom or Teams because they don’t have to be in the same room as their ex-partner. Mediators do have ways of getting around that potential issue though without going online.

For people handling their own divorce, taking the digital route means they can do it after normal working hours as the internet is available to them at any time. Of course, their application won’t be processed by the court until the working week begins, but it can be uploaded after hours. Digital divorces are quicker; during the pandemic court offices have been working remotely.

Are there any disadvantages?

Some aspects of the divorce process are definitely not best dealt with online. Couples who try to manage their own divorce proceedings online can find that the process moves more quickly than they anticipate and then find themselves at a disadvantage being divorced without first having sorted out their finances.

A good solicitor will advise their clients that they can use the court’s digital portal to reduce the costs on divorce, but that they are most unwise to ever consider not seeking the advice of a lawyer on where they stand financially before starting the divorce process online.  This is because some rights, for example spouses pensions, are lost at the moment the divorce is finalised.

Advice is also necessary because many people fail to appreciate that just because they are divorced that in itself doesn’t bring to an end the financial claims of their former spouse.  Further steps are needed in order to finalise those claims which otherwise remain open, potentially forever.

Also, some divorces produced online don’t look quite as official as paper ones. There have been occasions where clients haven’t been sure if they’ve received their court papers or not.  A solicitor can quickly clarify the position.

Do digital divorces save couples time and money?

Online divorce proceedings are designed for processing the divorce as opposed to settling the couple’s finances. If it’s a straightforward divorce, it can save parting spouses money as they only have the court fee to pay and not the solicitor.

Other than the fixed legal time limits, it can also save them time as the digital paperwork can be turned around much more quickly than the paper documents.

Solicitors also have access to the court’s digital portal and utilise the facility where they can to speed up the process for their clients where this is possible and appropriate.

Using the digital process without first seeking proper legal advice can mean that couples can lose out financially.

Will digital divorce continue once the pandemic is over?

With regard to processing divorce documents, the online option will continue. It is highly unlikely that the courts will backtrack on this now as removing the need for paperwork must save them a lot of time and money. Well before the pandemic, it was always the courts’ intention to go digital wherever possible. The outbreak has served to hasten this development.

Divorce hearings will continue to be held in court to some extent despite the digital revolution. Some hearings don’t work well online. Many people find them less than satisfactory, so in an ideal world, they will go back to face-to-face. On the other hand, directions hearings are procedural so may continue to take place either by video or phone, as they can be dealt with quite efficiently in this way.

Furthermore, financial consent orders work really well digitally. They can be uploaded to the court portal and dealt with rapidly, within a maximum time scale of four weeks.

Pre-pandemic, these orders were taking three to four months, so going digital has really speeded things up.  However, it is important that clients get independent legal advice on finances before considering applying for a consent order so that they are aware of all of their rights and understand the implications and consequences of the terms of the proposed order.

Hopefully, those hearings where final decisions are made with regard to the children of divorcing couples will no longer be held remotely – that way people can feel more confident that these important and emotional aspects have been dealt with properly.  The courts are already moving towards listing these hearings in a courtroom.

Body language can’t be read as accurately over a video call as it can in person. Video links can be disjointed – people start talking at the same time, especially on phones when there are no visual clues, or they can be cut off. Mobile signals at home can be unreliable and, as many of us have witnessed during the pandemic, there can be delays getting people on the line. While these are all challenges with technology that we’ve come to expect, it adds to what is already a highly-stressful time.

Some hearings are already going back to being held in courtrooms, so clearly, the intention is there. I imagine they’ll increase as social distancing regulations ease, making it easier to use more courtrooms at the same time.

Bearing all of this in mind, ideally, there should be a hybrid approach to divorce proceedings as we emerge from the pandemic.

Click here for more articles from Nelsons’

About Angela Maxfield

Angela qualified as a solicitor in 1985 and joined Nelsons’ expert family law team in December 2020 as an associate. Angela specialises in family law and advises on divorce, dissolution of civil partnerships, finances and private children disputes.

For more information on divorce and separation, please visit www.nelsonslaw.co.uk/divorce-and-separation or call 0800 024 1976.

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is my ex entitled to a share of my pension

We’re divorcing – is my ex entitled to a share of my pension? 

Published on
Family Lawyer
Peter Jones
Founder of
Jones Myers
Family Solicitors

On divorcing the process of financial disclosure – a full statement of your current earnings and assets – aims to protect you both.

It also seeks to ensure that you each receive a fair settlement which may well include a division of the pension benefit fund.

Pensions are often one of the most valuable assets of a marriage and play a vital role in deciding financial claims on divorce.

Pension sharing – which provides a clean break between parties, as the pension assets are split – has been given more prominence in recent years. It recently hit the headlines when a BBC producer lost her court case to reduce her unemployed ex-husband’s 33% share of her £2 million fortune.

In this particular case, The Court of Appeal reaffirmed that pension sharing is appropriate when deciding on the allocation of capital.

Judges took into account the length of the marriage and discounted the former wife’s allegation that her ex-husband had made a ‘significantly negative’ contribution to the family fortune during the marriage.

They also upheld an earlier ruling and said the original £733,650 and pension share he was awarded would meet his ‘needs’.

The criteria in considering a pension share requires the pension fund to be valued and included in the list of the family’s assets.

The receiving party needs to decide if it’s better for them to receive a percentage share or, in some circumstances, seek a greater share of the liquid capital as a “set off” when not pursuing a share of the pension.

Some divorces may entail several pension arrangements so it is important you think about which arrangements should be shared. Expert advice from an Independent Financial Adviser is necessary to ensure the correct pension(s) are shared and to what extent. Advisors will also assist with the valuation and projected future incomes.

The pension share may be internal (when the recipient becomes a member of the scheme) or eternal when the share must be invested in an existing or new arrangement of the receiving party. Utmost care should be taken to obtain details of the cost of any transfer.

The court will look at the needs of the parties and take into account what other assets are available for distribution.

Agreed financial settlements avoiding Court can also be decided through alternative processes including Mediation where an impartial third party “the mediator” helps you discuss issues confidentially and find workable agreements.

There is also Collaborative Family Law where a “no court” agreement is signed at the beginning of the process so that there is a shared commitment to finding an agreed resolution

Another option is Arbitration where a Family Law Arbitrator such as myself decides the outcome of divorce financial settlements in the role of a ‘judge’

With Mediation, Collaborative Family Law and Arbitration, once there is agreement (or an Award) details are submitted to the court for an order which enables a pension share to be implemented.

Sadly, going to Court is necessary in some cases. Before making any decisions we recommend that you consult an experienced family lawyer who can advise on the most appropriate route for your individual situation.

Click here for more articles by Peter Jones

ABOUT PETER JONES

Peter Jones is one of the country’s leading divorce and family lawyers. A qualified Arbitrator and Mediator, Peter set up Jones Myers as the first niche family law firm in the north of England in 1992 and has acted for a string of high-profile clients.

Renowned for his sympathetic approach, Peter is the current chair of Resolution’s Accreditation Committee, a former national chairman of Resolution and a former Deputy District Judge.   www.jonesmyers.co.uk

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lockdown affects children's contact arrangements

How the latest lockdown affects children’s contact arrangements

Published on
Lisa Russell
Lisa Russell
Solicitor
Jones Meyers

The third national lockdown – forced by a surge in the new variant of Covid-19 – will no doubt further increase logistical and practical challenges for parents who are divorced or separated.

Estranged parents are understandably concerned about arrangements for seeing their children after schools and colleges in England have been shut until at least half term and A-Levels and GCSEs cancelled.

Restrictions mean everyone must stay at home except those who cannot work from home. Leaving the house is only permitted for specified reasons including essential shopping, medical assistance and exercise.

Children under 18 whose parents are separated can still continue to visit parents they do not live with – providing both households are healthy and children are not put at risk.

Support and child care bubbles can remain the same but, as with previous lockdowns, children and their parents cannot mix with people (either indoors or outdoors) outside their parents’ households.

The latest school closures will no doubt be very difficult for separated parents who will need to ensure their children can participate in remote learning – regardless of whose home they are in throughout the week.

Children of key workers will be entitled to school provision and nursery school children can access Early Years childcare which will remain open.  It is vital that separated parents communicate regularly and are flexible regarding their usual child contact arrangements to enable each parent to continue to work.

The guidance from the President of the Family Division and Head of Family Justice, RT Hon Sir Andrew McFarlane back in March 2020 remains as relevant now as it was then. “It is for the child’s parents to make after a sensible assessment of the circumstances, including the child’s present health, the risk of infection and the presence of any recognised vulnerable individuals in one household or the other.”

There is a lot of evidence that children can thrive in separated families.  What is damaging for them is being exposed to conflict between their parents.  In situations where effective communication is not so straightforward mediation can help to work out suitable arrangements. It can also minimise the risk of children being “caught in the crossfire”.

Click here for more articles from Jones Myers Solicitors

About Lisa Russell

Lisa’s expertise in family law spans over 14 years and covers all aspects of child law, representing clients in the High Court, County Court and Family Proceedings Court.

Lisa acts for parents, children, grandparents and Local Authorities in proceedings. She also advises and represents parents, children and other family members in relation to private law children act proceedings. Lisa’s clients value her empathetic manner and sensible approach.

www.jonesmyers.co.uk

Front page photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

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Preparing for a Virtual Christmas

Published on
Preparing for a Virtual Christmas
Caroline Ford
Partner
Fletcher Day

The festive season may not (quite) be cancelled, but there is a strong possibility that it’s going to need to be held virtually. That may not be glad tidings but preparing now could help to make it a lot less bad. Here are some tips.

Get your plans in place now

This year plans probably should mean plans, best case through worst case. Worst case should be that one of you has to see your children virtually over the Christmas period.

Focus on what is best for the children

Nobody wants to miss even a single Christmas with their children, but you must think long-term. The simple fact is that the odds of contracting COVID19 increase in line with the level of exposure to it. The odds of surviving it unscathed do not. There will be other Christmases if you manage this one safely.

Decide if you need legal advice

There are basically two ways you agree who has the children with them and for what days over the holidays. The first is that you and your ex sort it out between yourselves. The second is that you apply to a court for a Specific Issues Order in relation to the Christmas holidays.

There are all kinds of reasons why the first option is always preferable.  Prior to the second option you are obliged to attempt mediation. This year, you can add blockages in the court system to the list. If you must go down the court route, then you need to act quickly. You may want to (continue) to try to reach an agreement while you are waiting to have your case heard.

Coordinate your schedules

Agree in advance when the “virtual parent” is going to see the children on Christmas day. Even if it seems a bit regimented, it’s best to agree how often the children are going to be online, at what times and for how long. This keeps everyone on the same page and makes it possible for people to plan out their whole day effectively. It also makes it possible for you to set realistic expectations with your children.

Think about how you could make the distance work

See if you can find ways to make a virtue out of necessity. For example, maybe the virtual parent can distract the children while the real-world parent organises a Christmas surprise for them. Alternatively, maybe you can use the technology to deliver a surprise, like a visit from Santa.

Choose the right technology

If you have a smart TV (or the budget to buy one), then it may be the perfect option for video calling as it’s almost certainly the biggest screen in the house. If you don’t then look at all your other options. For example, rigging up a laptop with a webcam might be easier than using a tablet and certainly easier than using a smartphone.

Make sure everyone knows how to use the technology

This may seem like stating the obvious but have a dry run of the technology before the big day. That will unearth any potential issues, like you wanting to use FaceTime only to discover that your ex is now using an Android phone.

Click here for more articles from Fletcher Day

Author Bio

Caroline Ford is a Partner at Fletcher Day. Caroline has specialised in family law since 2001 and in particular, divorce and the financial aspect of relationship breakdown as a result of divorce or separation as well as financial provision for children (Schedule 1 of the Children Act 1989).

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