What is parental alienation

parental alienation

10 Signs of Parental Alienation

Published on

10 Signs of Parental Alienation

“You don’t want to turn this over to the courts. You don’t want to go in there and file a motion and turn the destiny of your family over to a stranger. You want to work this out yourselves if you can.”Dr Phil

signs of parental alienation - www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
Linda Gottlieb and Dad

The child is programmed to believe that her/his other parent is: worthless, selfish, unloving, malevolent, undeserving, and dangerous, etc.

The effective result is that the children become convinced they will be happier, healthier, and better adjusted if their targeted parent is eradicated from their lives.

Some examples of the denigrating behaviour are listed below:

1)  Sabotaging and interfering with visits or not permitting visits at all.

2)  Depriving the targeted parent of important information about the child, including but not limited to medical, educational, and social activities.

3)  Not informing and excluding the targeted parent from the child’s activities, parent/teacher conferences, birthdays, religious events, graduations, etc.

4)  Programming the child against the targeted parent by belittling, criticizing, and deprecating the targeted parent in the child’s presence.

5)  Removing the targeted pictures of the targeted parent from the child’s awareness.

6)  Interference with and not being supportive of contact between the targeted parent and the child. This contact includes the telephone, text messaging, e-mailing, skype, or other methods.

7)  Making unilateral decisions in major areas regarding the child.

8)  Verbally and physically abusing the targeted parent by the child and/or alienating parent.

9)  Defying the targeted parent’s supervision and authority.

10)  Rejection of the targeted parent’s gifts, cards, vacations, and other offers of help.

by Linda Gottlieb, LMFT, LCSW

If you would like to know more about Linda please do visit her website  -www.endparentalalienation.com

Click on the link below to get Linda’s book from Amazon

linda gottlieb -Book Cover

www.amazon.co.uk/Parental-Alienation-Syndrome-Collaborative-Amelioration/

You might be interested in

Parental Alienation Success Stories

Published on
Linda and Dad - courtesy of Linda Gottlieb

I came across this wonderful piece by Linda Gottlieb while browsing the internet.  I was so touched by it because I know a few of my own friends who are still living through this period of parental alienation.

They long for the day that they will be able to do something as simple as help their children with homework.

I’m sure there are many other parental alienation success stories and I will keep looking for them so that we can share them with you.

– Soila

To My Daddy

July 18, 2012 (Happy Birthday, Dad!)

So, Daddy, on your 92nd birthday, let us celebrate it by my telling all my Facebook friends how we reconnected.

I came to live with you in the Bronx after graduating Teaneck high School, New Jersey, in order to attend college at CCNY, which required New York City residency and was the only college plan available to me.

I moved in with you feeling great anxiety because I had been brainwashed to hate you.

I can remember that feeling as if it were yesterday. But I also remember that the hatred evaporated virtually overnight when you enveloped me with your love, your passion, your commitment, and your support.

Because of the PAS, my concentration and focus had unquestionably been compromised on my studies throughout middle school and high school.

As a result, my cognitive (and emotional) abilities were underdeveloped. Quite frankly, I do not know how I had been accepted into CCNY. But, Daddy, you quickly compensated for those deficits. You became my freshman tutor, and I believe we negotiated my freshman coursework together!

You inspired me, encouraged me, tweaked some of my work here and there, and refused to accept my insecurities.

Linda and her dad - www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
Linda and her dad – courtesy of Linda Gottlieb

What I particularly remember, as if it had also occurred yesterday, was my freshman English 101 class: for the first assignment, I had to write a composition about what I hoped to gain from the class.

You wrote the last sentence of that composition (the statue of limitations on cheating for that course has long passed!) as follows:

“Dear Professor, my goal for this class is therefore to avoid meeting you on the battlefield of the split infinitive, dangling participle, and misplaced modifier.”

I did not have the foggiest idea what those concepts meant! But in your infinite wisdom, Daddy, you recognized that it was imperative to teach me the meanings as you were sure my professor would question me about it.

And that is exactly what happened: he returned the composition stating that he had had a good chuckle upon reading it, and then stated that the class deserved to appreciate and chuckle about the composition as well.

He directed me to read the paper allowed to my classmates and then explain the meaning of the closing sentence.

Daddy, you became so enthusiastically supportive of my education in my freshman, that when I expected receipt of a grade on a paper, you would greet me at the front door upon my returning home, and you would ask me, “What did WE get?”

I would trade a year off my life for just one more composition to write together. I love you more today than yesterday. Happy Birthday, your appreciative daughter, Linda.

If you would like to know more about Linda please do visit her website  – www.endparentalalienation.com

Click on the link below to get Linda’s book from Amazon

linda gottlieb -Book Cover

www.amazon.co.uk/Parental-Alienation-Syndrome-Collaborative-Amelioration/

You might be interested in

Please go to your post editor > Post Settings > Post Formats tab below your editor to enter video URL.

What is Parental Alienation?

Published on
Soila Sindiyo Child Trauma Therapist Founder of The Divorce Magazine
Soila Sindiyo
Child Trauma Therapist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine

What is Parental Alienation?

Let me tell you a story about someone I know personally.

He is a good dad, separated from his wife but sees his son as often as possible or when mum permits it.

His son, let’s call him Sammy, is now 10 years old.  His parents separated when he was a toddler.

Sammy has never had a sleep over at his dad’s who lives less than an hour away and they have never been on holiday together. Mum always tags along.

She, however, can go on holiday without as much of a word to my friend and explain to Sammy that “Daddy said he doesn’t want to come.”

Since the separation, my friend  he has been painted as the disciplinarian, the mean one, the one who is capable of abducting him.

When he is called over to fix the computer or put up shelves etc, my friend will rush over because he knows he will get to see his son.

It’s the comments from mum, while he is there, that really get to him.  “Daddy does try to fix things but he really isn’t that good is he Sammy?”

“Look, daddy’s late again.  He is always late.  When will you make it on time just so that your son doesn’t have to be kept waiting?”

My friend receives calls from his ex-wife when their son  misbehaves and needs to be disciplined.

He only gets to see his son when mum says it’s ok and for only a few hours because she is convinced and has managed to convince Sammy too, that my friend will abduct him.

She has even given her son skills on “how to get away from daddy  incase he tries to take you away by force” and warned him against making daddy angry because he can get really mad!

My friend rarely knows what’s happening at school in terms of performances, sports days etc which means he is usually unable to attend.  –  “Daddy was busy.”

My friend has now taken to speaking with the school directly to get the information for himself.

On and on goes the “brainwashing” so it was no wonder that for the longest time Sammy  very rarely looked forward to seeing daddy and spending anytime with him. Most of the time he would insist that mummy comes too – obviously as a means for him to feel safe.

Interesting thing is that, Sammy is now able to voice his feelings and ask questions that are bugging him.  With the answers he is getting, the picture that his mother has painted for him all this time is beginning to look a little dubious and questionable.

Sammy is growing up.

How will his mother explain her actions and words to him.  She interfered with their relationship and created a monster in Sammy’s eyes.

Before long, he will realise just what type of person she really is.

 

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

You might be interested in

Please go to your post editor > Post Settings > Post Formats tab below your editor to enter video URL.

Parental Alienation and You

Published on

Another one of Dr Phil’s videos here and this one is about parental alienation and you as the parent.  It’s short but gets to the point.

What is the gift that you are giving your children today?

Strong powerful words from Dr Phil on Parental alienation and you and how you can deal with it.

Some of the questions he asks include:

  • Do you want to be angry or do you want to be successful?
  • What can you do so that your children can go to their birthday party and both mum and dad are there and they aren’t looking from left to right waiting for something to happen?
  • When does it get to be their birthday and they don’t have to worry about your crap?
  • When does it get to be Christmas and they don’t have to worry about your drama?

What is Parental Alienation Syndrome?

The Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is the systematic denigration by one parent by the other with the intent of alienating the child against the other parent. The purpose of the alienation is usually to gain or retain custody without the involvement of the father. The alienation usually extends to the father’s family and friends as well. 

www.coeffic.demon.co.uk

You might be interested in