Moving on

The Beginning After the End

Published on February 7, 2025January 23, 2025

Johanna Lynn
Founder
The Family Imprint Institute

Sarah’s hand trembled as she set down the pen. The last signature was still drying on the divorce papers, a final punctuation mark on fifteen years of marriage.

It seemed that all there was left to do in this moment was to gather up her things, nod a brief thanks to her lawyer, try to hold a soft smile that signalled good-bye in Tom’s direction before pushing through the heavy courthouse doors. Her exhale once she passed through those doors came out ragged and deep, as if she’d been holding that same breath since the moment she’d signed the papers.

As Sarah stepped outside, she couldn’t help but notice that everything looked exactly the same. The same cracked sidewalk, same guy selling coffee from his cart, same traffic noise. Everything around her seemed the same, yet inside she felt like a completely different person.

Sarah sat in the car for a long time, gripping the steering wheel, not sure where to go. Home? Did it even feel like that anymore?

That evening, Sarah stood in her half-empty apartment, looking over at the pile of boxes, marked Tom or Sarah. Sarah’s thoughts drifted to how seamlessly their lives had once flowed together, now reduced to his pile and hers.

In the corner, her old easel caught her eye, dusty but still standing. She’d tucked away her creative dreams so gradually she’d barely noticed their disappearance, like photos fading in the sun.

Weeks passed, and slowly, Sarah began to create her new normal. She moved the bed to face the window, something Tom had always resisted. She replaced their beige walls with rich teals and golds. On Thursdays, she started taking ceramics classes at the local art centre, her hands learning to create something beautiful from formless clay.

Sarah intentionally set aside moments for quiet reflection. She gifted herself a beautiful leather bound journal and each day she’d sit with another question. Questions like:

What do I actually want, when I don’t have to compromise?
Who am I on the other side of this relationship?
What dreams did I put on the back burner?
What have I learned about myself?
What do I really need in my loving connections?
What am I choosing for my life now?

These questions aren’t easy—but they are the ones that open the door to your new life.

The real work is learning to sit with both the pain of loss and the possibilities in new beginnings—because they both have something to teach you.

Divorce has a way of throwing you into the deep end – exploring parts of yourself that perhaps you pushed to the side.

Three months after signing the papers, Sarah found herself in her newly arranged living room, surrounded by half-finished paintings. Her hands were stained with vibrant acrylics, and her cup of coffee sat forgotten on the windowsill.

As she stepped back to study her work, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror – hair messily tied back, paint-splattered shirt, and something new in her eyes. Not happiness, exactly, but something closer to peace.

She realised then that divorce hadn’t just ended something; it had cracked her life wide open. Through these cracks, new light was pouring in, illuminating possibilities she’d forgotten existed.

Divorce isn’t just an ending—it’s the start of a whole new chapter and you’re both the author and the main character.

About Johanna Lynn

Johanna Lynn is the founder of The Family Imprint Institute with over 20 years of experience. She specialises in supporting individuals navigating divorce, helping them uncover the root causes behind their separation. Johanna uses innovative mind-body techniques to illuminate how family dynamics influence relationships, providing clients with deep insights, clarity and healing.

Moving On/Well-being/Your Emotions

The Sensitive Woman’s Guide to Building a Growth Mindset in Divorce: Transforming Your Deep Feelings into Personal Evolution

Published on February 3, 2025January 29, 2025

Sue Bruckner
Holistic Relationship Coach & Founder of Tribe Rising
CEO of With Intention Coaching

As a sensitive soul navigating divorce, you feel everything deeply. The weight of change, the intensity of emotions, the uncertainty of what lies ahead – it all resonates at a profound level. While this depth of feeling can sometimes feel overwhelming, it’s actually one of your most profound strengths. Your sensitivity gives you an extraordinary capacity for growth, transformation, and rebirth.

When you’re feeling everything so intensely, it’s natural to want to protect yourself. You might catch yourself thinking: “I’ll never recover from this,” or “I’m not strong enough to handle this change.” These thoughts stem from what psychologists call a fixed mindset – the belief that our capabilities and emotional resilience are set in stone. But there’s another way to view your journey.

A growth mindset recognises that every challenge, even the heart-wrenching ones, carries seeds of transformation. It’s not about dismissing your pain or rushing through your healing. Instead, it’s about trusting that your sensitivity allows you to process this experience in a way that leads to profound personal evolution.

Embracing Your Emotional Wisdom

Your ability to feel deeply isn’t a weakness – it’s your internal compass. As a sensitive woman, you may have spent years muting your emotions, setting aside your needs, or abandoning your truth to keep the peace. Perhaps you’ve learned to question your feelings, to dismiss them as “too much,” or to hide them away entirely. This pattern of self-abandonment, while protective in the moment, often leaves a void where your authentic voice should be.

Divorce, though challenging, offers a profound invitation to reclaim your emotional experience as wholly and authentically yours. When waves of grief or anxiety wash over you, try sitting with them gently, knowing you’re building a new relationship with your sensitivity. Ask yourself: “What is this emotion teaching me about what I need?” “What parts of myself am I rediscovering through this process?” As you grow your capacity to hold these feelings without judgment, each emotion becomes a doorway to deeper self-understanding and more aligned decision-making. This is how you begin to trust yourself again – by honouring your emotional wisdom rather than pushing it away.

Learning to Celebrate Yourself

Your sensitive nature makes you naturally introspective, yet you may have spent years without truly seeing or celebrating yourself. Perhaps your accomplishments, strength, and resilience have gone unacknowledged – by others and, more importantly, by yourself. Now is the time to change that pattern.

Begin a celebration journal. This isn’t about gratitude for others or external circumstances – this is purely about acknowledging YOU. Each day, ask yourself:

“Today, I celebrate myself for…”
“I’m proud of how I…”
“I want to acknowledge myself for…”
“I’m showing up powerfully by…”

At first, this might feel uncomfortable or even impossible. You might hear that inner voice saying “Who am I to celebrate myself?” or “It’s not that big of a deal.” But remember – every step forward, every moment you choose yourself, every time you honor your needs or speak your truth – these are victories worth celebrating.

Your answers will likely surprise you, gradually revealing a woman who is far stronger, more capable, and more resilient than you’ve allowed yourself to recognise. This practice isn’t about ego – it’s about finally seeing yourself clearly and celebrating the woman who is emerging through this transformation.

Creating Your Future Story Through Inner Wisdom

As a sensitive person, you likely have a rich inner world. This gift of deep imagination offers you a unique pathway forward – through dialogue with your future self. She is there, waiting to connect with you, full of wisdom and profound compassion for your current journey. She understands every tear, every moment of doubt, every brave step forward you’re taking now.

Take a quiet moment to sit with her. What would she tell you about the path you’re on? She knows that every choice you make today is paving the way to a future she loves living. She’s proud of your courage, your willingness to honor your truth, even when it feels terrifying. Ask her about the dreams that are quietly waiting to emerge, the parts of yourself that are ready to blossom. Let her remind you that your divorce isn’t just an ending – it’s an invitation to rediscover and reinvent yourself in ways that align deeply with your soul’s longing.

Your future self knows something precious: this transformation, though challenging, is a sacred journey toward becoming more fully yourself. She’s there, cheering you on, holding space for your emergence. When you need strength, connect with her wisdom. When you need reassurance, feel her compassion. She is the living proof that you not only survive this chapter – you use it to create a life that fills you with pride and joy.

Practicing Tender Self-Compassion

Your sensitivity extends to how you treat yourself, particularly in moments of intense emotion. As a sensitive woman, you might find yourself getting frustrated or upset with the depth of your feelings – perhaps criticising yourself for “still feeling this way” or “being too emotional.” This double layer of pain – feeling deeply and then judging yourself for those feelings – is a pattern we can gently transform.

Instead of harsh self-judgment, try speaking to yourself as you would a dear friend going through divorce. When you catch your inner critic chastising you for the intensity of your emotions, pause and ask yourself: “How best can I love myself in this moment?” or “What would love say instead?” These simple yet profound questions can transform your relationship with both your sensitivity and yourself during this transition. Remember, there’s no “right” way to feel during divorce – your emotional experience, in all its depth, is valid.

Daily Growth Practices for the Sensitive Soul:

Pay attention to your first thoughts upon waking and your final thoughts before sleep – make these moments intentional whispers of self-kindness and encouragement.
Notice and celebrate small signs of your resilience.
Honour your need for quiet reflection time.
Surround yourself with people who understand your sensitive nature.
Trust the wisdom of your emotions while not letting them overwhelm you.

Remember, your sensitivity isn’t a barrier to healing – it’s your pathway to profound transformation. Each day of this journey, you’re not just surviving divorce; you’re evolving into a more authentic version of yourself. Trust in your inner wisdom, honor your pace, and know that this challenge is unveiling strengths you never knew you had.

Your sensitivity is your gift. Let it guide you toward growth, healing, and a new chapter filled with possibilities you’re just beginning to imagine.

About Sue Bruckner

Sue Bruckner is a Holistic Relationship Coach who guides sensitive women through growth-minded divorce and into their next empowered chapter. She is the founder of Tribe Rising, an expert-led sanctuary that uniquely weaves together divorce support, personal development, and the healing power of community. Through this transformative space, women discover they don’t just survive divorce – they thrive. Learn more at: https://wonderful-dawn-34642.myflodesk.com/w751ywo2nj.

Coping with Divorce/Divorce and Finances/Divorce Law UK/Financial and Legal Advice/Moving On

How to Get Through Divorce in 2025: Proven Step-by-Step Process

Published on January 29, 2025January 22, 2025

Chris Sweetman
Editor at The Divorce Magazine
Director at Fair Result

1. Acknowledging the Emotional Impact

Divorce is one of life’s most emotional and challenging experiences. It’s essential to recognise and process these feelings, rather than suppress them. Many people find that seeking emotional support can make a world of difference during this time.

Tips for self-care during divorce:

Consider joining a support group to connect with others who understand your situation.
Seek counselling or therapy to work through your emotions in a healthy way.
Prioritise self-care through activities like exercise, mindfulness, or spending time with loved ones.

At Fair Result, we not only focus on the legal and financial aspects of your divorce but also recognise the importance of addressing your emotional wellbeing.

2. Understanding the Financial and Legal Landscape in 2025

The divorce process in England has evolved over the years. With changes such as the introduction of the no-fault divorce law under The Divorce, Dissolution, and Separation Act, the legal framework is now more streamlined. However, financial clarity remains crucial.

Key divorce trends in 2025:

Longer average timeframes: On average, the time to a conditional order in sole divorce cases is now around 36 weeks, with the full process from application to final order taking approximately 49 weeks. Joint divorce cases tend to be slightly quicker, with an average of 30 weeks to a conditional order and 43 weeks from application to final order.
Increase in divorces among older adults: The rise of “silver splitters” reflects changing attitudes toward relationships in later life.
Shifts in divorce applications: While January remains a peak month for divorce enquiries, overall divorce rates fluctuate based on factors such as economic pressures and societal trends.

At Fair Result, we emphasise the importance of financial preparedness. From property division to pensions, we help you navigate the complexities with transparency and clarity.

3. Fair Result’s Proven Step-by-Step Process

At Fair Result, we pride ourselves on offering a transparent, fixed-fee process designed to minimise stress and maximise efficiency. Here’s how our approach works:

a. Initial Consultation

We begin with a free consultation to understand your unique circumstances. During this meeting, we’ll identify your priorities and goals, laying the foundation for a tailored strategy that meets your needs.

b. Financial Assessment

Our team of legal and accountancy experts conducts a comprehensive review of your financial situation. With a commitment to transparency and fairness, our fixed-fee model ensures there are no unexpected surprises.

c. Tailored Strategy Development

Based on your goals, we develop a personalised plan that considers legal, financial, and emotional factors. This strategy ensures that you achieve a fair settlement while minimising unnecessary conflict.

d. Settlement Negotiations

We focus on avoiding the need for lengthy court proceedings. Our team works tirelessly to negotiate a fair and efficient settlement.

e. Finalising Your Divorce

From managing paperwork to obtaining consent orders, we handle every legal requirement to finalise your divorce. Our goal is to ensure you’re fully equipped to move forward with confidence.

4. Client Success Stories

We’ve helped countless clients achieve fair outcomes and build brighter futures. Here’s just one example:

“After years of financial uncertainty during my separation, Fair Result gave me the clarity and support I needed. Their fixed-fee model meant no surprises, and their team made the process so much easier than I expected. Today, I’m not only financially secure but also confident about the future.”

These stories reflect our commitment to putting clients first, every step of the way.

5. Looking Ahead: Building Your Future Post-Divorce

Divorce is not the end—it’s the beginning of a new chapter. Planning for your future is key to moving forward with confidence.

Post-divorce planning tips:

Reassess your finances: Create a realistic budget that reflects your new circumstances.
Set personal goals: Whether it’s advancing your career, pursuing a passion, or focussing on your children, take steps toward achieving what matters most to you.
Seek support: Don’t hesitate to lean on professionals, friends, or family for guidance as you navigate your new life post-divorce.

At Fair Result, we’re here to ensure you leave the divorce process feeling prepared and empowered to embrace the next stage of your journey.

6. Trends and Insights for 2025

The festive season often prompts reflection, and many couples decide to take the next step in January, leading to a surge in divorce enquiries. Known as “Divorce Day,” the first working Monday of the year—6th January 2025—is anticipated to see a spike in divorce applications.

While divorce rates have fluctuated, certain trends stand out:

Coastal towns like Norwich and Hastings have the highest proportion of divorced individuals.
Most divorces occur between 3 and 8 years of marriage, with “silver splitters” on the rise.

These insights underscore the importance of working with experts who understand the unique challenges of today’s world. Find out more about divorce trends here.

Conclusion

Divorce doesn’t have to feel like an uphill battle. With Fair Result’s proven step-by-step process, you can navigate this challenging time with clarity, confidence, and support. Our fixed-fee, transparent approach allows you to focus on what truly matters: building a brighter future.

If you’re considering divorce in 2025, let us help you take the first step. Contact Fair Result for a free consultation today.

About Chris Sweetman

Chris Sweetman is an independent family solicitor and director of Fair Result – An award-winning law office who pride themselves on using innovative ways to help clients through the stress and complications of a marriage breakdown.

Chris can be contacted on 07500933818 or via email chris@fair-result.co.uk.

Coping with Divorce/Relationship in Trouble/Well-being/Your Emotions

You Don’t Need Permission

Published on January 24, 2025January 23, 2025

Taylor Beck
ADR Divorce Coach
Revive and Rise Coaching

You don’t need permission to leave your marriage. Or if you’re looking for that, then read on. Whether your background and upbringing was drenched in a religious coat or that could not be further from your ideology; maybe there’s something deeply woven in the fabric of your DNA that walking away feels impossibly wrong, a disservice to your “I do’s” causes you to think you could never turn that to an “I don’t”, I’d urge you to be curious about what that leaves on the table.

As many individuals do, I got married on the younger side at only 25 years old. While that may not be as young as some, sitting here writing this in my thirties I can confirm that is quite young. There is only so much life you can live up until that point, and not many even understand themselves and what they want out of life. It felt simple, I had been in a relationship for five years and knew I wanted to be married and have children. The truth is; the weight of being a wife and a mother is so much heavier than you can prepare for, especially if you aren’t asking yourself the hard questions of what you want out of a partner for those endeavours.

Without getting into the nuances of my own specific circumstances, I quickly became unhappy at how things unfolded. A spouse that could not quite carry the responsibilities of home ownership, parenthood and finances that follow. At the end of the day there were qualities I needed within a relationship like patience, sharing household chores, the ability to communicate and make changes as needed. Many things that could not be given to me by the person I was with.

The unfortunate aspect was that I stayed. A narrative society paints is that relationships are “hard”, that so many people in long term relationships have major frustrations and that’s just how things are. I continually looked outward for someone to give me permission to leave, but never received that. I stayed until the situation got to the point that made me feel less “silly” for filing for divorce. I stayed until I couldn’t make an excuse because it directly compromised the safety of my son. I stayed longer than I ever should have.

Being unhappy isn’t a silly reason to leave. Understanding that the person you are with cannot give you what you need is critical, not selfish. Choosing yourself takes so much strength, it is not weak to walk away. When I look back at the version of myself that stayed in a space that held so much negativity, it’s easy to see how much I compromised on. The permission you need is directly correlated with your emotional and mental well being. Let me take it another step further and say that the permission you need is also directly attached to the small human(s) you are raising and model their standards after your choices.

Strangers on the internet or even those closest with you cannot be held liable to push you forward or hold you back. They’re not in your home, they’re not holding your heart, and they are not you. You are the only person that gets to decide what you want, need, and won’t settle for in a relationship. If you’re not receiving that, then you’re also the only person to make the choice to know when to throw in the towel. There is no one size fits all on a time frame either – whether you’ve been married for two hours or twenty years – the biggest price you pay is not staying true to yourself. The best thing you can ever do for yourself and your kid(s) is choosing the best version of yourself, and doing what you need to do in order to achieve that.

About Taylor Beck

Taylor Beck is a certified ADR Divorce Coach that focusses on working with women considering or going through divorce or separation. Her goal is to empower them and support them through their current and following chapters in their lives.

Coping with Divorce/Moving On

To Live Together or Apart?

Published on January 22, 2025January 21, 2025

Wendi Schuller
Dating Coach
Author of The Global Guide to Divorce

After divorce, when moving on, there are pros and cons to living together. Would domestic drama drive a wedge in your relationship or are you in sync – both morning larks or night owls? When newly in love after divorce, little things slip by which can be a deal breaker down the road. It is easy to be caught up in the passion of a new love. Take a pause. Consider practicalities. What is important to each of you? Here is a check list.

Amount of alone time daily
Need for quiet (such as for meditation) at a particular time of day?
Need for loud music, such as when exercising or running inside
Entertaining styles. Having people over at home vs meeting friends out
How often to have relatives visit
Pets
Neatness
Splitting chores, tasks
Splitting bills, financial issues

A question is whether to move into one of your places or to find a new one together. Some want to start their lives in a new place which does not hold memories of the past. They decorate together, mixing both of their possessions harmoniously.

Logistics can play a part in a decision. If one person wants to stay near elderly parents and the other wants to be by their work, then compromise. It does not have to one or the other. Do both. Stay in each other’s homes frequently, and meet in the middle occasionally for a dirty weekend. The important thing is to have quality time with each other, not necessarily day-to-day.

Anticipation is important, which happens more when living apart. Planning trysts when living separately adds spice to a relationship. It is easier to look glamorous when not living in the same place.

Others who have compatible life styles may enjoy living together. They cook, take on house projects, plan gardens and grow closer with common interests. It is nice to have built in companionship. Someone to binge watch a series with, or pop into a coffee shop or pub on the spur of the moment. Couples have said they enjoy living together and spending more time at home.

Couples have chosen not to live together so family and relatives can drop in whenever. They don’t have to plan ahead and get their partner’s okay. When having clients come to your home for treatments or care, it can get complicated if your partner is present. Several couples who choose not to live together take trips. They experience intense 24-hours a day intimacy – snuggling at night, waking up together etc. Then they go back to their own homes until their next travel adventure.

A couple in London dated two years before they moved in together. Issues that were okay before, blew up when co-habituating. He is frugal and they had taken turns paying on dates. When living together, he scrutinised every bill and expense. It was a struggle to get reimbursed. She began keeping score: who cooked, cleaned more etc. The romance got stifled with domestic issues. Their sex took a nose dive.

Have good, honest communication when deciding whether or not to cohabitate. People crave different levels of alone time. An introvert may not want a lover around 24/7, while an extrovert enjoys the company. If you want to live together and not drive each other crazy, is there an area in your house where you can retreat? Some couples are able to cohabitate when they have separate bedrooms. They have different bedtimes or sleep issues such as snoring.

Be creative and willing to compromise. Respect boundaries and do not allow yourself to be pushed into a situation which is not comfortable.

Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce. https://globalguidetodivorce.com

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.

Coping with Divorce/Moving On

Housing Transitions: Moving Forward in your Space or Finding a New Home

Published on January 20, 2025

Caron Kipping
Divorce & Separation Coach/IDVA
CK Coaching Ltd

Grieving for the loss

To some people it might seem ridiculous or petty to feel upset about the loss of your family home, but research shows moving home is one of the most stressful life experiences you can go through and it’s not just because of the stressful and often complicated practicalities of moving. It’s because homes are hugely connected to our emotions too – our home is built not just from bricks and mortar but from memories – happy or sad. We have celebrated, mourned, built, rebuilt and put our personal stamp on our home so when we have to let go (particularly if it’s not our wish to let go) it can feel tough.

When you lose your home because of divorce, you are grieving for the loss of the life you thought you were going to have in your home. You have a sense of loss about ‘what could have been’ had your relationship worked out. The sale of the home might reinforce the loss of everything you had before you moved to that house – perhaps you moved away from all your support network and everything familiar, to follow your ex to the home he/she chose and that makes you feel angry. Even if your relationship was abusive there might have been some good times had there. Leaving the family home marks the end of your relationship and the beginning of a new era for you, and that takes time to process and adjust to.

Moving On

As with other forms of grief, moving forwards takes time – the physical act of moving out can be tough if you haven’t quite managed to let go yet. Many people wish to hold on to the family home after divorce, but you must think it through practically rather than emotionally because often how you feel at the beginning of the divorce changes as you progress through it. Don’t hang on to it because moving on feels scary – think through the practical and realistic pros and cons of leaving it behind and when the answer becomes obvious, go with it – whatever the decision, if you stay or if you go, you will be ok.

Here are some practical tips to help make moving on easier:

Enlist the help of others to assist you with packing- get friends or family involved. It’s much easier and can even feel like fun if you have friends to help you.
Declutter as you go and try to visualise a cathartic process – ‘out with the old, in with the new’ – get rid of bad memories to clear space for new positive ones.
Just start. If you feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of packing up to do, just start. Start in one corner and focus on clearing and packing one part of a room at a time. Breaking down a huge task into smaller tasks helps it feel more manageable.
Use professionals to help you – If you can afford to, specialists such as https://thehomemover.co.uk/ can help with finding you a new property, moving furniture, changing utilities and unpacking.
Try to see the positives of your new home – it might be smaller but that means less housework and less maintenance! It might feel more secure than your previous home, you might be in a cul-de-sac which is quieter but with nice neighbours, rather than in a big house where you are actually quite isolated. It might be rented rather than mortgaged, but that allows you time to heal, to really consider long-term decisions without rushing and as long as it is a happy home, who cares?! Find the positives.

Creating a New Space

If you are staying in the family home that can still feel tough to begin with – although you don’t have the stress of re-locating, you are surrounded by memories – some of which you might want to forget. Here are some tips to help you reclaim your space and make it a place where you want to be again:

Move the furniture around – shift the chair where your ex used to sit to a different position in the room, moving the furniture creates a different feel in the room
Buy new bedding, move the bed to a different position if you can or make the bedroom feel different by putting new accessories in there and new happy pictures of you. Move your pillows to the centre of the bed so there is no obvious space on the other side of the bed
Put up happy photos in your home – photos of new memories. If you need to keep photos of your ex up for the children, put them in their room so you don’t have to look at them all the time. It’s important you focus on now and the future, rather than the past.
Get the paintbrush out and change the colours and space to suit you – if your ex was minimalist, put your trinkets out – if you previously had a grey and white theme throughout, add splashes of colour. It’s yours now, you can make the house suit your personality!

Change is always difficult but it can feel good once you give yourself space to adjust . A happy home is one that is safe, that feels like a sanctuary and is peaceful – wherever that is.

About Caron Kipping

Caron has worked in the domestic abuse sector for many years and now works privately as an accredited Divorce Coach specialising in coercive control and post-separation abuse. Caron is author of ‘Recognition to Recovery – How to Leave your Abusive Ex Behind for Good!’ and creator of her Insights Recovery programme. Caron supports clients through 1:1 coaching sessions, IDVA court support and via her peer support groups and is a highly respected speaker on all aspects of domestic abuse.

https://www.facebook.com/caronkippingcoaching

https://www.instagram.com/caronkippingcoaching

https://www.linkedin.com/in/caron-kipping

Coping with Divorce/Well-being

How to Handle a Narcissist Ex Partner

Published on January 8, 2025

Margaret Ward-Martin
Founder
The Grace Project

It would be misleading to write a prescriptive list of next steps because one of the key stressors of dealing with a narcissist – ex or otherwise – is unpredictability. Their reaction to a break-up is often rage, mortification, blame, threats, emotional manipulation, and guilt tripping.

They may do this by:

Blaming you for the relationship failing and accusing you of not trying hard enough or being selfish.
Threatening to harm themselves if you don’t give it another go or say their own family is getting ill because of the breakup. This is guilt tripping.
Hoovering or sucking you back into the relationship by love bombing and telling you all the things they know you want to hear.
Future faking and selling you a fantasy. This is another strategy whereby they assure you, very dramatically, that they will not only change but promise to give up their addiction or get a job or stop cheating and gambling. This time it will be different. Another con.
Faking crises and amplifying illness. This could be by implying that they or your children are in danger and need help. This justifies contacting the non-narcissistic parent. An example might be where the narcissistic parent informs the other that their child has a (fabricated) terminal illness or is in (imaginary) danger. When trying to go no contact this may be the narcissist’s go to. It’s a way of trying to regain control. They will go to extraordinary lengths to convince you and others that the illness or danger is real.
Threatening revenge. This may be by saying they will leave you homeless or bankrupt when you leave or threaten physical harm. It is highly likely that they will threaten to take your children away from you. This is plain cruelty and will leave you feeling traumatised.
Lie about you. Narcissists lie. They lie pathologically and compulsively, and they will do this when you reject them. You will be painted in the worst light. It might be that they contact your employers and clients, family and friends and will lie about you and they rarely miss the opportunity to try and outsmart you in Court.
Stalking is another way the narcissist can continue to try to control you. This is possible on several levels: in person, through social media, spy wear on your phone or computer and even using tracking apps on your children’s phones. Report this to the police or discuss it with your solicitor.

Now you know what to expect – what can you do?

Set boundaries and stay safe. Avoid meeting in person. If this is unavoidable, ensure you have someone with you that can bear witness and help you to remove yourself from the situation.
Report stalking at once. Sometimes, when you have been in an intimate relationship you give the other person far too much credit for being a stable, decent human being. Avoid being sentimental. Keep to the forefront of your mind the reality that this person has caused you harm. They may turn up to your place of work, follow you to known haunts and follow you and your friends on social media. Stalking is a crime and calls for police involvement.
Do not tolerate abuse. Be determined to shut down a raised voice or abusive text by walking away or blocking and reporting them.
Document and record everything you can. This is helpful when obtaining an injunction or in cases with shared parenting arrangements. Narcissists are unlikely to want to use co-parenting apps because they cannot access you. By collating this written witness, it is helpful when a Court ordered arrangement is being considered.
If you need to have contact for co-parenting or shared pet purposes, use a co-parenting app. If this is not possible, use text messaging or email to correspond. Then you have everything in writing thus avoiding only having your word for it which can easily be discredited.
Establish a support system and, if you feel unsafe, speak with the police, and open a case file. Learn about relationship trauma and narcissistic abuse. There are worthwhile free online resources to help with your learning.
Speak to your employer or your children’s schools and inform them of what is going on. Children who witness domestic abuse are also victims of domestic abuse. HR departments are likely to have a domestic abuse protocol in place.

In terms of healing, take time to:

Work on your own blind spots. The narcissist is plausible and manipulative. Avoid attributing genuine human emotion to them. They are consummate imitators and very convincing. They know how to look and what to say so do not be manipulated by theatrics. The contortions of angst and tears of declared sorrow are not of remorse or empathy, but of rage at being close to being exposed and murderous anger because you are holding your boundaries. They have a bottomless capacity for self-pity and do not have the capacity for empathy so hold your nerve.
Acknowledge “withdrawal” from a narcissistic partner that can result in symptoms comparable to that of an addict. This is not a judgement, it’s the science of intermittent reinforcement. Think of a slot machine – just as you are about to move on – the symbols align, and you get enough of a payout. And you stay. The same in relationships – you get a reward just as you are about to leave. It’s science. This can apply to other narcissists in your life; parents, children, employers, friends – you get the picture. Therefore, prepare for withdrawal symptoms and, if you can, find a specialist therapist and make effective use of domestic abuse charities who have an increasing understanding of these psychological processes.
Distance yourself from your ex. If an ex contacts you to say they are going to harm themselves, call 999 immediately. You are not responsible for the narcissist’s behaviour. They are unlikely to repeat this if police officers turn up to their place of work to check on their wellbeing.
Stay the course and avoid giving your ex the benefit of the doubt. Ever. They are professional victims and do not consider themselves accountable. They feel entitled to behave in the manner they do because they are owed this much at least.
Understand why you suddenly become isolated. It is likely that you will be alienated because of your decision to leave. Your narcissistic ex will lie about you, reveal your fears, sexual history, health issues – they will fabricate a falsehood that portrays them as a victim. They may even go one further and present themselves as a survivor who wishes to help other victims. It is especially vicious when they alienate you from your own children and family. It is shocking but not at all surprising.
Manage your expectations that the ex will change. You may be tempted to hold on to hope but please don’t. They will not change but what they will do is waste more of your time and life if you let them. Avoid judging the range of emotions you are likely to feel, depression, loss, grief, pathological loneliness, and sadness. You may also feel angry and blame yourself. The abuse you have suffered is not your fault.
Prepare for the worst and seek support from worthy friends who will help you through social and parental alienation, deliberate attempts to sabotage your new life, financial ruin, and lengthy legal cases – the list goes on. And be ready for the long haul. Narcissists find it difficult and often impossible to separate, and will try to control you by proxy. Your ex is likely to use any means necessary to torture you and discredit you. This may include the legal system, your family and friends or employer and your children. They will attempt to manipulate them to pervert your relationship with the people important to you.
Focus on your mental health and understand the trauma you are going through. Gaslighting and deprivation of physiological, social, and emotional needs will take a toll. There is a specific type of trauma – post relationship trauma – that needs to be worked through. Take your time and grieve. There is a loss. Distance from the narcissist and from the relationship will help you to heal but there may be flashbacks, a sense of dread, anxiety, and other symptoms. These are all perfectly “normal” responses to an abnormal situation.

About Margaret Ward-Martin

Counsellor Margaret Ward-Martin holds over 30 years’ experience in the mental health industry as a teacher, coach and therapist. She founded The Grace Project in 2021 to raise awareness about emotional and psychological abuse in the world in which we live.

Moving On/Well-being/Your Emotions

From Divorce to Discovery: How Travel Healed My Heart and Changed My Life

Published on December 6, 2024December 3, 2024

Laura Ericson
Founder
Laura Ericson Group Trips

Seven years ago, I walked into a courtroom and ended my marriage. I didn’t mark the date on my calendar or plan to commemorate it – I actually had to look up the court records recently when someone asked. Seven whole years since I started my life over from scratch. Seven years of quiet rebuilding, finding myself, and discovering a whole new world of possibilities I never knew existed.

The Silent Journey

I did everything differently than most people expected when I got a divorce. I walked away from my marriage pretty much empty-handed, buried the pain deep inside, and didn’t even tell my parents for months. No divorce party. No dramatic name change. No social media announcements. I just…disappeared into myself for a while. In fact, it took five years before I publicly announced my divorce.

Why? Because I couldn’t bear the questions, the well-meaning but painful enquiries that reopened wounds barely beginning to heal. Every “What happened?” felt like picking at a scab that hadn’t quite formed. Every “Are you okay?” reminded me that I wasn’t – not yet.

Finding Myself in Foreign Places

But here’s what I discovered in those seven years: sometimes you have to get lost to find yourself again. For me, that meant boarding planes to places I never dreamed I’d visit. Before my divorce, I wasn’t by any means the the all-inclusive resort type, but I’d been sticking to comfortable, predictable destinations for years because it was familiar and easy. Post-divorce me? She decided to ride camels through the Sahara Desert, explore ancient Colombian cities, and watch hot air balloons float over Turkish valleys at sunrise.

There’s something magical about standing in a place that terrified you and realising you’re not just okay – you’re thriving. Each stamp in my passport became a reminder that I was stronger than I thought, braver than I knew, and capable of so much more than I’d believed during those years I’d lost myself in my marriage.

The Unexpected Gift of Starting Over

Looking back now, I realise that divorce wasn’t the end of my story – it was the beginning of a much better one. Yes, it felt like death at the time. I mourned the loss of my marriage and the person I used to be. But that loss created space for something new to grow.

Travel became my therapy, my teacher, and ultimately, my new purpose. Standing alone at an Adele concert in Barcelona (a trip originally planned with my ex-husband), I remembered the fearless young woman who once taught English in Spain. I wondered where she’d gone. In that moment, surrounded by thousands of strangers singing their hearts out, I made a promise to myself: I would find her again.

Seeing the real Kenya—complete with giraffe, hippo, rhino, lion, and zebra sightings!

Meandering inside the famous blue-painted streets of Chefchaouen, Morocco.

From Personal Pain to Professional Purpose

Now I run a travel business helping others – many of them healing from their own life transitions – discover the transformative power of experiencing new places and cultures. I’ve watched women who thought they could never travel alone climb mountains in Morocco. I’ve seen people fighting through depression find joy in Cuban street food and salsa dancing. I’ve witnessed countless moments of courage, connection, and pure joy as travellers step out of their comfort zones and into new versions of themselves.

Experiencing pure joy and celebration at a historic monument in India during Holi.

Reflecting during a peaceful moment in Greece overlooking the Fortress of Palamidi.

The Truth About Healing

Here’s what I want you to know if you’re in the middle of your own divorce journey: the pain won’t last forever. Those moments when you can barely breathe? They’ll pass. That feeling that you’ve failed? It’s not true. You’re not failing – you’re being brave enough to choose yourself.

Yes, there will still be triggers years later. A song, a smell, a casual comment from a stranger might suddenly transport you back. But each time it happens, the sting lessens. Eventually, you’re left with something that looks less like a wound and more like a map of where you’ve been – and how far you’ve come.

Getting my steps in at Panna Meena ka Kund: the ancient stepwells of India.

Making a new friend in the Sahara as the golden sun sets over endless dunes.

Your Next Chapter

Divorce isn’t the end of your story. It’s an invitation to write a new one. Fill it with adventures you never dared to take before. Pack it with moments that make your heart race and your soul sing. Make it a story about finding yourself in places you never thought you’d go.

My story led me from a courthouse in Wisconsin to sunset camel rides in Morocco. Where will yours take you? The blank pages are waiting. Make them extraordinary.

About Laura Ericson

Laura Ericson is the founder of Laura Ericson Group Trips, where she leads curated group trips for solo travellers seeking authentic cultural experiences and personal transformation through travel.

Follow her adventures on Instagram @lolawhiskey, join her women-only Facebook Group Lola Loves Travel or visit lauraericson.com to learn more about upcoming trips.

Letters to Linda/Well-being/Your Emotions

Rediscover Your Self-Worth Through Journaling

Published on December 4, 2024December 3, 2024

This article is the second part to the ‘Write Away with Linda Simpson‘ series.

One of the many jolts that I recall after my divorce was wondering – Who am I? My sense of self was lost somewhere in the isolation he had created in our marriage. Now I had to find myself, claim myself and my journal played a large part in that journey of self-discovery.

The Key Word is Compassion.

Failure hangs in the air after a divorce. Questions about why it happened and self-accusations are easy. But your life is all about today and the future. Yesterday is history and it is time to focus on today, tomorrow, and your future. Be the you-you have always wanted to be. You are stronger than you think, and the future will prove that.

Your journal can be anything you want it to be. Whether you want to write only one sentence or pages, the key is to write, reflect, and grow.

It is time to focus on all the positives you possess as you reconnect with yourself. Be self-compassionate for a moment. How do you see yourself? Here are some questions for reflection in your journal.

Answer this question- what is positive about me in this life change? Maybe ask that question to a trusted friend or family member too. My sons saw a remarkable positive change in me. Free from the stress and the constant barrage of criticism, I was experiencing a brand-new time in life and so are you. What does that mean to you? Be fierce on the page and claim your place in this new chapter.

In my situation, I could now do as I wanted to do. For far too long I let him dictate how I lived my life. I honestly believed his constant criticisms of my capabilities. Negative power over someone is cruel.

I am grateful for my writing life today. I was told I could not write. I believed it until in my new freedom I believed in myself more. What were you told you could not do? Do it now and be fierce in claiming you.

Consider all the things you notice about being single. Here you can write about some of the fun things.

One of my favourite stories, which to this day gets a reaction from others, was being the guardian of the remote for the first time. No more watching someone else flip through the TV choices, switching shows midway, or listening to a running commentary of the action.

In your journal, begin a few sentences with – Now I can ………

Making decisions on your own can be scary.

Make a note of all the decisions you have made in your new life. What ones worked brilliantly? What ones were the life lessons and what did you learn? Write about how these decisions can be a burden but also remember that this is the learning stage of a new life.

There are challenges with assuming all the responsibility as a single because single means just that –if you do not take out the garbage it does not get done. What are some responsibilities you do not enjoy? Write about them and then look at what you might do to change your attitude toward them or consider another way of getting the job done. Sometimes we hang onto responsibilities to prove a point and all it does is create more stress.

What was easy?

What has been the easiest part about being single? When I look back on several decades my first inclination is to say the sense of freedom I have. Thirty years later I still connect to my sense of freedom in so many ways. My meal choice, my friend choice, my holiday choice, and having all the blankets all the time still feels brand new in many ways. Write about what has been easy for you.

You are connected to your past, your present, and your future. But in those early days stay focused on your present. When you journal, consider all the good things that happened in the day or the past week. Open your eyes to everything around you. It may be that friendly smile you noticed, or it may be that birdsong or the music you heard.

There IS beauty in every day, and it is your challenge to find it. When you write about it include your feelings. How did this bright spot make you feel? What happened next?

Be honest with yourself.

There will be times when you feel sad. I made a promise to myself after such a long sad time to not be sad because that was continuing to give him power over me. Eventually, you reclaim your personal power and the capacity to celebrate the new you.

If you are lonely do the same. Write about it and think all around the feelings you have. Then look at ways to swap out loneliness for being comfortably alone.

More than anything else, be kind to yourself, be gentle, and be compassionate. You are the only you there is in this world. Decide what you want. Connect to your future. This is a new chapter in your life waiting to be written. Your journal will be with you every step along the way.

About Linda Simpson

“I take strength from your calm, your honesty, and the hope you give me for my future.” Cheryl

Linda is a fresh voice in the divorce advice world. She offers a pragmatic, common sense approach to life after divorce issues based on over twenty years surviving and thriving following a very traumatic divorce.

As a single parent, her sons are an enormous source of joy in her life. She is a loving mother and grandmother to four delightful grandchildren.

She holds a degree from the University of Waterloo with concentrations in sociology and philosophy and guidance counselling certification from Queen’s University.

She is an accredited trainer for The Peace Education Foundation, a leader in conflict resolution training. The institute is ‘dedicated to educating children and adults in the dynamics of conflict resolution and promoting peacemaking skills in home, schools, and community.’

In a long and successful teaching career, she also served as a counsellor and workshop facilitator for SEL (social emotional learning) programming and The Peace Education Foundation throughout her school and school district and was a frequent conference presenter for SUNY Potsdam Faculty of Education USA.

She writes for The Divorce Magazine UK and her blog is seen regularly on Huffington Post Canada where the focus is life after divorce and parenting issues.

She is a writer and poet and is presently at work on a book based on her divorce experience.

Well-being/Your Emotions

Write Away with Linda

Published on November 18, 2024November 11, 2024

Write away the past and write into your future.

When I found myself alone after a traumatic divorce, there were two things that got me through those first few years. There was my lifesaver counsellor who helped me find my dignity and self-worth again. And there was my journal. Every day for years I told my journal what I was feeling and gradually I began to see myself again.

With this ‘write away’ series, I will give you writing tips and some journaling ideas. Both of which I hope will help set you on the path to your future.

In those early days of your new life, it is important to focus on small and manageable achievements. Sometimes my greatest sense of gratitude was that I had made it through the day at work and got myself home again.

Let us begin at the beginning.

Find a beautiful notebook you like. There are so many choices today and having the right journaling notebook should mean that when you pick it up the book gives you a sense of belonging. This is your life and your journal. That is the way you want to enter your journaling experience.

Then consider the best time in each day that would work for you. For me, it was always just before I turned out the lights. It was quiet and I could reflect on the entire day.

Sometimes just getting started is the biggest hurdle. Your mind fills with questions of what you should write about and that can be a barrier to taking that first step.

Keep it simple.

Your journal entry can be “today I…”

Then can follow an account of what you did, where you went and the people you saw. If it was a home day, the same thing applies. Where did your day start and then where did it go. Do not worry about it sounding mundane. There will be times when it is a recount of the day’s events and other times it will be a day of great insight. Both are helping you find your future.

We read the benefits of gratitude and know that being grateful is an extremely healthy exercise. Once you can look at your day then consider what part of it brings gratitude. Perhaps you are grateful for getting through the day and that is enough. Separation and divorce can be a time in our lives when we are hardest on ourselves.

If you are critical of yourself then qualify it. I did this, thought this, said this, because…

The pain of separation is fierce and stumbling along the way to your future is part of the healing process.

If you feel comfortable about digging deeper into your feelings, then do so. One mantra I subscribed to during those years was that a journal never tires of hearing the same thing. If you want to rage a bit –rage a bit. But reread your journal and make sure you can see a balance.

One of the most helpful writing tips I ever received was to read aloud what I have written. When you read aloud what you have written then write about what you heard. It might be you heard your pain. It might be you heard hope.

Be patient with yourself. Everyone is on their own timeline to recover from a separation and divorce. We can become so critical of ourselves because life is not changing fast enough. Or during the day, we did something we regret. There will be many days like that. Avoid being critical of yourself. Our self -talk should focus on encouraging us through every day. Everyone, whether going through a divorce or not, makes mistakes. All these years later, there are still some things I said and did that are cringeworthy. I cannot change the past. I did and said whatever it was. I own them and I have moved on.

A journal is a private place we can go. It is a safe space. And it is your friend. There will be no criticism from a journal. It will never get tired of you repeating yourself.

Journaling will take you on a path of self-discovery. You will find insight you never realised you had. You will find wisdom you never knew you possessed. I hope it soothes your soul.