funny divorce quotes

Someone once said, that you know you have moved on when you can laugh at some of the things that made you mad in the past.

So we collected a bunch of divorce quotes which we think are (almost) funny for you.

Hope you enjoy (some of ) them

• My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. ~ Jack Benny

• Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.~ Robin Williams

• You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they’re worth it. ~ Henny Youngman

• What is the main cause of divorce?  Marriage

• In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of the publicity. ~ Lauren Bacall

• Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

• My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That’s what happens when you haven’t been home in eighteen years. ~ Lee Trevino

• Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That’s scary. If the smartest guy in the world can’t figure out women, we’re screwed. ~ Jay Leno

• A friend of mine recently divorced his wife after 37 years. He said he was looking for a some-sex relationship. ~ Greg Tamblyn

• Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. ~ Jean Kerr

• It’s tough. After five years of marriage, it’s difficult to lose the one with the good credit rating. ~ Rich Voss

• One of the hardest things in the world is pretending to be surprised that a friend is getting divorced. ~ Julius Sharpe @juliussharpe

• Maturity is recalling the outrageous things your former spouse did to upset you, then turning over and going to sleep. ~ Eileen Dight

• An open marriage is nature’s way of telling you that you need a divorce ~ Ann Landers

• “What happened? Satan was busy?” ~ Sam Kinison on finding out his wife had hired lawyer Marvin Mitchelson to represent her in her divorce case against him.