Domestic Abuse

Is this really love? How to detect signs of Domestic Abuse in relationships
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Is This Really Love? How to Detect Signs of Domestic Abuse in Relationships

Published on
Laura Sargeant
Laura Sargeant
Solicitor at Jones Myers

In February, thoughts often turn to romance with messages about Valentine’s Day circulating everywhere on social media and in every shop on the high street.

It’s easy to be drawn into the hype and see our own relationships or potential relationships through the lens of what the marketing tells us love should be like.

In reality, relationships aren’t always a fairy tale where we get charmed off our feet by the likes of Benedict Bridgerton or Jeremiah Fisher.

A gift of flowers or chocolates and a card professing unending love can be very thoughtful, but what if they are done to excess (a practice known as ‘love bombing’) or are sent in an attempt to ‘make up’ following an incident of physical or verbal abuse?

It can be hard to see the signs that a relationship is abusive. This is partly because the abusive partner is often very good at hiding what they do and deflecting attention away from their actions. It is also partly because we can find it hard to accept that the person we think loves us and who we think we love could be capable of abusing us.

Although the signs of domestic abuse are wide ranging, and whilst the below is not an exhaustive list, they can include elements of the following:

Physical – hitting, slapping, hair pulling, pushing, strangulation, throwing objects at you;

Verbal – this can range from loud verbal attacks, swearing and name calling to more subtle verbal abuse such as making derogatory comments about your appearance;

Sexual – is your consent to sexual activity sought? Are you being forced to have sex when you don’t want to or manipulated into engaging in sexual activities you don’t enjoy?

Threats – are you or members of your family being threatened with violence if you fail to comply with what your partner wants?

Financial – does your partner control all the finances in the relationship and this isn’t by mutual, fully informed agreement? Does your partner take money from you or spend money in a way that puts you in financial difficulty?

Control – does your partner always want to know exactly where you’re going and who with and do they check up on you throughout? Do they harass and follow you or check your phone messages? Do they dictate what you wear?

Isolation – are you prevented from spending time with your family and friends either overtly or through more subtle means such as by your partner telling you your family are awful and you shouldn’t be spending time with them?

If you think you might be experiencing domestic abuse in your relationship there are lots of organisations who you can reach out to for specialist support including IDAS, the biggest specialist domestic abuse charity in Yorkshire.

At Jones Myers our paramount consideration is securing your safety, and we are trained in spotting the signs that there may be domestic abuse in a relationship.

Our highly experienced family lawyers can provide you with specialist help and advice regarding leaving a relationship and any protective orders that may need to be put in place for you or your children such as non-molestation or occupation orders.

For queries on domestic abuse or family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet 01904 @helpwithdivorce

About Laura Sargeant

Laura has over sixteen years’ expertise in family law. Her specialisms include domestic abuse, adoption, child arrangement orders and child protection orders.

A member of the firm’s esteemed Children’s Department based at Jones Myers’ York office, Laura was attracted by the firm’s outstanding reputation in the legal world – and how the practice always strives to deliver excellence in family law to its valued clients.

Laura finds it rewarding to support clients through a difficult period in their lives and help them to find the best solution for their unique situation.

Clients value Laura’s dedication and knowledge along with her empathy and listening skills.

 

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Mapping Domestic Abuse in England & Wales: The Areas Most Heavily Affected
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Mapping Domestic Abuse in England & Wales: The Areas Most Heavily Affected

Published on
Charlotte Talbot
Charlotte Talbot
Partner – Family Law
Beecham Peacock Solicitors

Google Search Data Highlights The UK Areas Searching For The Domestic Abuse Hotline Most Often

TW: Please be aware that this article discusses domestic violence and violence against women and girls (VAWG). If you are affected by these issues, you can find free and confidential support and assistance via the organisations listed at the base of this article.

On July 24th 2025, the ONS released new statistics revealing the continued growth of the “combined measure of domestic abuse, sexual assault and stalking” in England and Wales – referring to how commonly women and girls were exposed to these crimes in 2024.

Produced on the back of the government’s commitment to halve violence against women and girls (VAWG) in the next decade, the report reinforced a disturbing truth: VAWG is a UK epidemic that is only worsening with time. 

The report found that 12.8% of women and girls over the age of 16 have been victims of domestic abuse, violence or stalking – that’s almost one in eight. Survivors of such abuse are affected physically, mentally, financially and socially.

But these statistics only take into account reported crimes. A significant amount of VAWG goes unreported, due to fear of retaliation or repeated offences, the belief that a survivor will not be believed – largely due to the stigma and misogyny concerning this issue in the UK – an understandable lack of faith that real change will happen, and more. 

In May of this year, the government announced a £20 million boost to expand specialist support services for domestic abuse victims, a long-overdue lifeline for crucial services that have seen increased strain over recent years. The recent Women’s Aid’s 2025 audit indicates just why this intervention is so important, citing increased demand, with 60.1% of referrals to refuge services being rejected due to capacity issues.

Included in this funding boost was £6 million specifically to support allocated helplines, a 20% boost year-on-year. This would help provide 24-hour support for those seeking immediate help regarding VAWG.

Beecham Peacock, a Newcastle-based family law specialist, works to help victims and survivors seek the justice and compensation that they deserve following VAWG incidents and continued abuse.

Inspired by the invaluable work these essential helplines offer – often acting as the first port of call for those who have decided to speak out – Beecham Peacock has decided to investigate the areas in England and Wales that have seen the highest increase in searches for ‘domestic abuse helplines’.

It is essential to highlight the ongoing and widespread nature of VAWG. The hope is that, with enough attention brought to the issue, further funding can be brought to help keep vital services open across the UK.

Methodology

Beecham Peacock used Google Search Data to find the volume of searches for ‘domestic abuse helpline’ and ‘domestic abuse help’ in every county within a region. The total number of people within the country (according to Google’s metrics) was then factored in to find the number of searches per capita.

Research by Beecham and Peacock LLP

Charlotte Talbot, specialist family law solicitor from Beecham Peacock, had this to say about the findings:

“Overall, searches on Google for ‘domestic abuse helpline’ and ‘domestic abuse help’ were searched most often in Wales (6.03 per 100k), the East of England (4.74 per 100k) and the East Midlands (4.71 per 100k).

“However, it’s important to remember that plenty of women and girls across the country will be in desperate need of support, but not yet searching for resources online out of fear.

“We confidentially support many clients who practised extreme caution when first attempting to access help, such as using anonymous modes on their web browsers. We know that many people who are experiencing domestic violence do not search for support at all, out of fear that a partner will look through their devices and find their search history,” Talbot continues. 

“One of the periods that carries the most risk for women and girls experiencing domestic violence is when they make the decision to leave their abusive partner. This is why domestic abuse services are so important, providing victims and survivors with a safer way out of their situation, as well as continued support and advice.

“But government funding plays a crucial role in supporting these organisations, from traditional forms of outreach – including paying for community workers or leaflet and poster distribution – to providing beds in refuges for both women and their children.

“It’s crucial that we continue to highlight this growing issue and put pressure on the government to take further action today.”

For those who cannot safely access support online, trusted solicitors and refuges can help you find help and support.

If you or someone you love is in immediate danger, dial 999. If you need help but are unable to speak to the operator, respond to their questions with non-identifying noises, such as coughing or tapping. When prompted, press 55 – this will transfer your call directly to the police.

We have also compiled a list of charitable organisations below that provide free and confidential support:

  • Refuge: Free, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline – call 0808 2000 247 or chat online Monday–Friday, 10am–10pm.
  • Women’s Aid: Free advice and support, whether it’s you yourself who needs help or you’re concerned about someone else. The Women’s Aid Directory contains the contact details of over 550 local support services.
  • Safe Spaces: UK SAYS NO MORE has set up Safe Spaces in banks and pharmacies across the UK. Walk into any participating Safe Space in your local area and ask a member of staff to access the space – you can use the space in any way you see fit. Find your nearest Safe Space.

Childline: If you’re under 18 and concerned about domestic abuse, you can call Childline for free on 0800 1111. Your phone call to Childline will not show up on any phone bills. You can also chat 1-2-1 with a Childline counsellor online.

Read more articles by Beecham Peacock LLP.

About Charlotte Talbot

Charlotte is a Partner in the Family Department at Beecham Peacock LLP. She specialises in all aspects of Family Law. Charlotte qualified from Northumbria University on the LLB Exempting Degree in 2004 and started her training contact with Beecham Peacock in August 2004 and qualified as a Solicitor in 2006. She has been based in the Family Department since qualification and became a member of the Law Society Children Panel Accreditation Scheme in July 2010. She is also a member of the Law Society Family Law Accreditation Scheme and Resolution. Charlotte has extensive experience in all areas of Family Law.

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financial abuse

Emotional Abuse and Financial Abuse

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author

Domestic violence is more noticeable to others outside of the marriage, especially when one partner is sporting a black eye.

Financial and emotional abuse can be more hidden to family and friends, but no less devastating. These two seem to go hand in hand with or without physical abuse.

The crux of financial abuse is control.

One spouse is attempting to control actions by hampering the other’s financial independence. He removes the other partner’s name from a bank account who then is unable to access money and turns to spouse or others for it.

The abusive spouse may demand to see all receipts and monitor every pound that is spent. Often all decisions regarding household expenditures are made by the abuser. The victim may be prevented from spending any money on the children. This is a way to trap a person and keep her in the marriage. Relying on handouts is a way to control the relationship through money.

After Anne had their baby baptized, Edward decided that he wanted to bring her up in his religion.

Anne would not have married Edward if she knew that he would change his mind on this deal breaker issue. Edward then withheld money from Anne as punishment.  She had to cut short her maternity leave and return to work in order to pay bills.  Not surprisingly this marriage ended in divorce. Financial abuse can also be vindictive for a certain behaviour.

Emotional abuse is a power ploy to keep the other spouse in line by such tactics as manipulation and berating them.

The spouse may be told that she is unattractive and incapable of making decisions.

Emotional abuse breaks down a person’s self-esteem and self-worth by causing them to have doubts about themselves. The children may pick up on this message and view that parent as weak or be afraid to anger the abusive one. The abuser uses the kids to challenge the other parent’s authority. The children may also be abused in various ways too.

Emotional abuse’s aim is to punish and humiliate the partner. Perhaps this spouse is having success on the job and the abuser wants to put him in his place. Lying, threats and blame are components of this type of abuse.

Psychological abuse is especially carried out by Narcissists who are insidious adversaries. These people are charming at first and then their mask comes off revealing someone who cannot share the spotlight.

How to break free from emotional abuse and financial abuse?

  • Emotional and Financial Abuse
    Breaking free from emotional and financial abuse

    Platform 51 and the National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 2000 247)  are great resources as a starting point.

  • Other measures you can take are to have access to your own money by opening up an individual bank account in your name only. Selling some jewellery could fund this.
  • Have a friend or parent keep a small amount of “mad money” for you at their place in case you make a hurried get-away.
  • Lock up your valuables to sell at a later point.
  • Get counselling.
  • Get a divorce solicitor as I did in a hurry.

I did not realize the extent of the financial and emotional abuse I was enduring until the day I met with my new solicitor.

My sons were ecstatic when I told them I was delivering a list of collaborative solicitors to their father (through the mail slot).  Post-divorce I felt rich when I was in total control of my own money.

Wendi Schuller - Global Guide to Divorce

 

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certied in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 100 published articles.

Her other book is The Woman’s Holistic Guide to Divorce. Web site is globalguidetodivorce.com.

Follow Wendi on Twitter,  Facebook, google+

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Abused Women – One Woman’s Story

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
 The Global Guide to Divorce

Beth was nineteen when she married the man of her dreams.

He was patient, respectful and only drank a pint or two of beer at the pub.

She appreciated his restraint and maturity. Even the worst traffic jam did not faze his calm temperament.

Her parents and friends did not care for Edmond, but did not give specific reasons why. Her police officer father had Edmond checked out, but no previous crimes were revealed.

What a shock when this mild-mannered man morphed into a monster. Beth did not see this coming.

After the wedding, Edmond would fly into a rage at the slightest provocation.

Whatever Beth did, it was not quick or good enough. She discovered that when dating, Edmond would have the beer with her, take her home, and then start drinking heavily with his mates. He continued getting drunk with the lads after marriage.

Beth became pregnant right away and Edmond started physically abusing her.

She has four tall, muscular brothers, but could not bring herself to tell them of her abuse. When she was pregnant, Edmond pushed her down the stairs, yet Beth still stayed in the marriage. One night when inebriated, Edmond went into the baby’s room and Beth became afraid of potential harm. The neighbours called the police when a shouting match erupted.

Edmond was taken into police custody and Beth and the son went to her parents’ house.

marrying an abusive person
Beth did not see this coming.

Beth initiated the divorce.

She did not ask for maintenance or child support and just wanted to cut all ties with this man. The court ordered that any visitation would be supervised due to Edmond’s past abuse. No visitation schedule was set up by the court.

Edmond came to Beth’s place only once post-divorce to see his son. Luckily two of her brothers were there, otherwise Beth would have been terrified. No further attempt was made to have any contact with the child. Edmond’s father was deceased, but his mother never acknowledged her first grandson or saw him. Beth said her mother-in-law was very cold and strange.

The last time Beth heard anything about Edmond was after she had filed a tax form listing her young son as a deduction. Edmond had done the same and Beth easily proved that she was the one who had paid all of the child’s bills. Apparently Edmond was informed that he was not allowed this deduction, because it only happened once.

Beth said she learned to listen to people when they have a feeling that something is not right. She was young and impetuous, so chose not to inquire further why so many friends and family members did like Edmond.

Beth said taking longer getting to know someone was how she made the right choice the second time around in marriage.

She cautions people not to let their pride stand in the way when needing help or admitting that one made a mistake. Beth said to cut one’s losses right away when a situation is deteriorating.

She wishes that she would have told her family about the physical abuse so they could have helped extricate her from this dangerous situation.

Edmond covered up his personality disorder while dating, but rushing into marriage makes this a bit easier to accomplish.

Look at your potential partner’s family and friends closely. This will give a clue about their true nature and values.

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

Don’t forget to subscribe to our youtube channel www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk  today

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Parental Alienation
Marie Abanga

Ignoring the ‘Little’ Signs of Domestic Abuse!

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Marie Abanga
Marie Abanga

In a typical African setting, we would hardly ever hear of domestic abuse. Frankly, I never thought I was being abused until my health started to deteriorate.

When Soila told me the theme of the week on the Divorce Magazine, I knew I had to write an article on this ‘semi-taboo’ topic. It is still a kinda hushed topic because of all the emotions, hurt, shame and you name the rest that come with the abuse.

To make matters worse, sometimes, the abused spouse doesn’t even know what to do or whom to turn to. The spouse cannot leave or doesn’t want to because we may think and hope the situation changes. In my case also, I thought of my kids and what people will say.

Soila once shared a you tube clip of a ted talk on why a spouse (In this case and as often, the woman), stayed although she was grossly abused.

Another contributor also wrote an article on ending the paralysis of shame in abuse cases and yet another on the early signs of domestic abuse.

I will therefore, and as usual, share my own story with abuse and how I ignored what started out as ‘little’ abuse to culminate in some physical abuse and outright violation of my body and our bedroom.

It started out as a ‘cold war’ 

We may think of the historic cold war and yes that started out over some incident and then carried on and manifested itself in different ways, causing ‘stress’ to the parties.

In my case, I wanted for us to talk and my ex husband didn’t want any ‘communication’. It hurt me terribly that the man I had ‘gotten’ to marry me, couldn’t even talk with me. It tormented me when he would receive an excellent grade at pretending in front of guests and family that we were doing just fine.

Today, I see those episodes as mental abuse. I must admit we ended up abusing each other because I gave up trying to talk and in retaliation refused to speak with him in public although he would have preferred that I ‘fake along’!

The Verbal Abuse Starts

Imagine those heated discussions in the bedrooms between two people who can’t stand each other but don’t know what next?

I think my husband felt hurt too at my behaviour during our “Cold War” and so wanted to show me who he really was. He threatened to beat me up and insulted me over and again especially saying how fat and ugly I had become and how little I brought in as income and much more. Of course I responded too and told him all the nasty things which hurt a man’s ego. What could I do? Who could I turn to? Our relationship was already deep in crisis then but society demands of a woman to bear all that at least for the children’s sake.

When the physical abuse started and I had to do something

As if that was not enough, my ex husband decided to give me a beating one day. I almost lost an eye!  Could I retaliate? Hell no!

Did I tell my mother? Oh Yes and what did she say – oh don’t get him angry again!

Early Signs of Domestic Abuse

When the abuse gets physical, there is no turning back. He has done it once, he will probably do it again and again unless…

I remember one episode as recounted in my book, when I locked the door of the room and hid the key with the hope of forcing my ex husband to have a conversation. He first gave me a sound slap, then he broke the door, then he kicked and pulled me out with my hair and throwing me away in the sitting room, screaming he no longer wanted to see me in our bedroom.

Unfortunately, my sons witnessed all this.  They were the ones that got him to let go off my hair.

That room stayed without a door for three good months although I slept in there.

When such incidents happens and your spouse still demands sexual intercourse and forcefully gets onto you, I wonder what more we have to undergo before we save ourselves?

In Europe, there are several helplines and shelters but if every domestic abuse incident was ever to be reported, these shelters and helplines would definitely be overwhelmed.   Still, I sincerely think it is vital for the victim to attend to that very first abusive incident and not ignore it wishing it won’t happen again.

By the time I took the decision that I was leaving that marriage, we had already sufficiently abused each other, I had been violated, I had become so filthy within and without, I think I was more angry at my self than at anybody else.

It took courage and determination. I knew the rejection I was going to face for leaving and eventually telling my story. Yet I am healing and getting much better and so can we all.

Marie Abanga – Follow Marie on Twitter

Author of My Unconventional Loves: My Hurts, My Adulteries, My Redemption

 

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Abusive Relationship Stories

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Uploaded on youtube in 12 Jun 2009, the video below is about Nina and Zoe stories describing their experiences of domestic abuse or domestic violence as it used to be referred to.  

It’s about how they found the strength to support to leave their situation.

Hope it helps you in one way or other if you are in or just left an abusive relationship.

For help or advice call the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247

Read more about the facts about domestic violence:

 

 

You may also find the following helpful:

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JACKSON KATZ: VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN — IT’S A MEN’S ISSUE

Violence Against  Women 

 

Why Domestic Violence Victims Don't Leave
WHY ABUSE VICTIMS STAY

 

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Jackson Katz: Violence Against Women — it’s a Men’s Issue

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Domestic violence and sexual abuse are often called “women’s issues.” But in this bold, blunt talk, Jackson Katz points out that these are intrinsically men’s issues — and shows how these violent behaviours are tied to definitions of manhood.

A clarion call for us all — women and men — to call out unacceptable behaviour and be leaders of change.

Biography courtesy of TEDTALK.COM:

Jackson Katz is an educator, author, filmmaker and cultural theorist who is a pioneer in the fields of gender violence prevention education and media literacy.

He is co-founder of Mentors in Violence Prevention (MVP), which enlists men in the struggle to prevent men’s violence against women. Celebrating its 20th anniversary this year, MVP has become a widely used sexual and domestic violence prevention initiative in college and professional athletics across North America. Katz and his MVP colleagues have also worked extensively with schools, youth sports associations and community organizations, as well as with all major branches of the U.S. military.

Katz is the creator of popular educational videos including Tough Guise: Violence, Media and the Crisis in Masculinity. He is the author of The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help and Leading Men: Presidential Campaigns and the Politics of Manhood. He has also appeared in several documentaries, including Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes andMissRepresentation.

Related Posts:

If you believe you’re in a abusive situation and need help please find below some free services helplines and websites:

  • 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline – 0808 2000 247
  • Lesbian and Gay Helpline -0300 330 0630

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